The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Cat

February 17, 2020 at 11:05 pm

Hi, I dated a guy for 3 months, him 38, me 41. I know it was a short time but he was an amazing guy, he took me on short breaks away and we stayed in each others places, he brought me flowers for no reason (something no other man I was with ever did) He told me I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever been with and much more and that he had been waiting to meet a woman like me for a relationship for some time, he asked for exclusivity very early on. He suggested introductions to each others parents. We hadn’t said I love you’s but we agreed we had something amazing and we were very lucky and he had told me, he was crazy about me and I him. He wrote on my Christmas card that the last two months were amazing and couldn’t wait to spent 2020 with me. We went to a party (my family) a few weeks ago and we had our first fight ever and both behaved badly and drank too much, I didn’t spend a lot of time with him during the night, then he made a terrible accusation against a family member (it was absolutely untrue) and threatened to call his guard friend, he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore, I went home and left his stuff in his car and his car keys under the wheel. I text him to say not to worry, he would not hear from me again and blocked him because I was so hurt about the accusations. He had no where to stay except with a friend an hour away. I unblocked him five days later to say I’d sent a cheque for something he’d got for my parents on the night of the party, he thanked me. I text him again a few days later asking why he hadn’t apologised for the accusations he made and he said he was sorry, he had found it a weird confusing night, I apologised for not spending more time with him though still angry about the accusations. I text him the next day and asked if we could meet to try and understand better what went wrong that night after 3 perfect months, he agreed it was a good idea as long as I was comfortable and my family wouldn’t mind, I said I didn’t nor did they, they understood we both drank to much and had been very happy together up to that point. He cancelled the night we were to meet and said another night he had suggested wouldn’t suit either. I text him that weekend to ask about another night the following week and he agreed Monday, we text a bit asking about each others plans that weekend and how are respective nights out went and what plans we had for Sunday. On Monday morning of the evening we were to meet, he sent me a long message, explaining that he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship, citing issues like he’s wanting to look for somewhere new to live (never mentioned it before) wants to go travelling (we had agreed we’d go together, and the distance between us (one hour) was a problem which was never a problem before. I told him I understood but could we please hold on to our arrangement to meet that evening as there were still things I’d like to understand better, he said yes. In the afternoon, I received a message saying he had to work late (he never had to before) and what about the weekend comimg for an hour? I didn’t trust him to not let me down again, so I deleted his number (and gave a copy to a friend) to stop me making what I felt was a fool of myself. This means I can’t contact him cos she doesn’t intend giving me the number back only in the case he contacts me and I don’t recognize the number. Neither of us have social media, I am 7 days no contact as of today. The weekend he queried meeting came and went and he didn’t text me to ask what day suited or to firm up once I didn’t respond to his last message asking? Do you think it is possible I will ever hear from him again? I didn’t realise what he’d come to mean to me until I lost him, I miss our fun times together and i miss him. I know it was short but he made me happy. Do you think i could ask my friend for his number after 30 days and reach out again or that he might before that or should I steel myself to move on and expect nothing?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 28, 2020 at 8:03 pm

Hi Cat giving his number to your friend and deleting it is a good way to stick to No contact and then work on yourself for that time. However I am not able to tell you if you should move on or try to get him back only you can decide that

Chissy

February 13, 2020 at 10:00 pm

Hi, 11 days ago my boyfriend dumped me after being together for 5 years. We are still young: I’m 20 years old and he’s going on 19.
Of course, we had fights sometimes and at moments they were pretty big but we got past it and we could not love each other more. We didn’t live together and he lives an hour from me. But when we saw each other we were very happy, we even went on vacation together. Anyways, it’s the second time he broke up with me and each time, the day before he starts with being really mean and saying really bad stuff to me and swearing. Then there was the crying and he said sorry but he couldn’t stay.
The first time was because I didnt have a career plan. I wasnt going to college and he didn’t like it so he would push me in the roughest ways. I begged him to come back and I tried to contact him and he wouldn’t, but then I invited him at a party and he came, though he didn’t want to and thats when we got back together.
This time, he left me because for two months i lived in montreal but couldnt make it so I moved back with my mother, and he didn’t like it. He was saying that i was too dependant and I wasnt trying enough. He was thinking only about himself. Anyways, the next day the only thing I told him is that if he really didn’t want to come back to me, to change our nicknames on messenger, and so he did. So I told him good bye he told me good bye and then I blocked him cause I couldn’t accept seeing that he was connected at times.
Anyways, for 11 days I havent talked to him or anybody related to him cause I know that this time, if I beg, he’d push me away. Yesterday I spent time with a guy that I know since I was a teenager. Nothing happend and I’m truly not ready for another relationship and he knows, but he’s bringing me snowboarding soon and since I’ve got my ex on snapchat, I’ll just rub it in his face by posting on my story. The issue is that since my boyfriend went to live with his father, he’s been weird like that, and he tells everything to his father. The first breakup his dad told him not to get back with me. And just now, I realised that the father blocked me from facebook. I was feeling good about the 30 days no contact, but now I feel kind of scared, cause I really want my man back. Cause he is influenced.
I wont break the no contact rule but I feel defeated somehow.
BTW I read the whole article, and I love it. It kind of maked my day just reading it!
Amanda

February 11, 2020 at 10:16 pm

Will NC still work if you tell them you’re doing it? My bf of just over a year just dropped the “I just don’t love you any more” bomb without any effort or attempt to fix the problem he decided that we were done. In the conversation he stated that he could still help me watch my dog and that we could still be friends. My response was that I didn’t want to talk to him for at least a month. Did I ruin NC by stating it? Or will it still give him time to stew and think about me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 10:05 pm

Hey Amanda, so ideally we do not tell our exes we are going to go into a No Contact, so you need to do the longer version of no contact which is 45 days. In that time you need to work on yourself to become Ungettable. and show through social media how great you are doing with life without your ex in it

Dylan

February 11, 2020 at 8:13 pm

Hey so this isn’t the first time this has happened to me with my ex. We broke up last November because I was smothering him and he wanted space. But I wouldn’t give it to him and when he told me to just give up and leave him alone I did. And then a couple days later he texted saying he wanted to talk. Then we went back to not talking. And then a week later before New Years he texted me again and we talked normally and then he asked me to come see him for New Years. I went down to see him and stayed with him for a month. We had a couple arguments and a big fight. After the fight he still said I could stay and everything was normal. But when I left he was distant and said he just wanted some time and that if we were to get back together it would be sometime down the road. So I left him alone and then he called me and we talked. He said he missed me and thought about me coming down to try again, he even put back on one of our relationship bracelets we had. We talked a lot but I pushed too hard. I kept wanting to talk to him all the time and he wasn’t happy about it. He said he needed space and that he wasn’t talking me to get back in a relationship he was talking to me because he missed me. He said he wants space and I said to not give up because what we have is special. We haven’t talked in like a day but I’m scared he’ll find someone else. I keep thinking about what he said about me coming to see him to try again( it’s a long distance relationship). I don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 15, 2020 at 5:15 pm

Hey Dylan it sounds as if you need to learn to control your emotions, and stop being so needy in the relationship. Even if you are long distance it is not normal to want to talk all the time. You need that space so that you are not suffocating your ex! Just because you want to speak all day every day, does not mean that he is going to want the same. You need to meet him half way if he is willing to text you in intervals during that day that is still a lot of conversation, if he needs a day break then allow that! Its space to miss you and want to talk to you. I suggest that you go into a 30 day no contact where you work on this and learn to control your impulse to reach out to people too fast and too often.

Confused Girl

February 11, 2020 at 1:54 pm

We dated for 3 months. As cliche as this sounds, it was one of the closest connections I’ve had with a guy. During the 3 months, we talked everyday (most text and sometimes phone calls), went on dates during the week and also stayed over houses at least once a week. He had made it quite clear to me that he’d just recently broken up with a long term girlfriend in September. We agreed despite this knowledge that we would still see each other given the connection between us. A few weeks later, he decided it’d be best for us to be friends ‘for now’, given his recent breakup and not wanting to string me on when he just wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. We mutually agreed to be friends and I sent him a nice message with no tough feelings as he was honest with me the whole time. I left it open on my text saying I’d be glad to hear from him in the future. I’ll admit here (but haven’t to him) that I do miss him a lot. I think it’s obvious that I’ve developed some feelings. I’ve not reached out and we haven’t spoken in roughly two weeks (he was the last one to message). I guess my mindset is that if he truly wants me in his life, he will make it happen and contact me. I’ve gone no contact to improve my own self-worth, but also to give it space. I guess I’m wanting to know, that in this situation of ‘short term dating’, is it wise to implement no contact? Or should I just reach out after a month?
Thanks for your advice, I definitely need it! x

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 21, 2020 at 11:33 pm

Hey Confused Girl… so No Contact is 30 days – which is essentially a month… So yes to both. Work on yourself in those 30 days so that you are at a more sound and happy place when you start talking to your ex again

Confused Girl

February 11, 2020 at 12:10 pm

I dated this guy for three months, it was truly an amazing three months, such a spark. Spent every day talking, caught up weekly and stayed over houses too. He had let me know he’d recently broken up with an ex gf in September of last year, and had been clear he wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. We agreed mutually to keep seeing each other without ‘labels’ however about two weeks after that conversation he said it’d be better to be friends for now due to his emotional unavailability and not wanting to drag me through it all. And hoped in time we could be friends and to stay in touch. I agreed peacefully with a really nice message, and it ended with him having the last text message responding back.
I have not initiated any contact since. It’s been almost two weeks since we spoke or caught up. I want to be his friend, but.. I do like him quite a bit. Missing him too. Just don’t want to mess it up when I know he has things to sort out in his life. Do I keep doing no contact with this guy, or should I message him to see how is it? Or forget it?
Pretty lost. Any advice would be so helpful, especially since this was such a short term connection.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 9:54 pm

Hey there if you want to give it a chance then stick with the No Contact for 30 days and then reach out with a text that Chris suggest that is linked to his interests.

Athena

February 11, 2020 at 12:01 pm

Hello. I broke up with my boyfriend for 6 years. It was a mutual agreement that we have to fix ourselves first but we did not talk about if we will come back to each other soon. It’s my 15th day of NC today and he still dont contact me. I miss him so much. What should I do? I want him back.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 9:54 pm

Hey Athena, so the point of No contact is to spend that time apart for at least 30 days and you are not waiting for your ex to reach out. You are using this time to work on yourself so that you become the best version of yourself. And at the end of 30 days no contact you reach out with a text like Chris suggests in his articles and videos to get your exes attention

Mymoena

February 10, 2020 at 12:37 pm

My bf and I are dating for 3 years now… We are currently inthe NC rule for 4 days I feel so weak like I should msg him.. He doesn’t have any time for me and he says that I complain alot… The rs is all about him.. And I keep it thay way because I really love him… How do I get him to commit to me fully and take things further I feel like we are stuck and his scared of taking things further.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 11, 2020 at 11:30 pm

Hey Mymoena, so if you want a guy to commit to you more than he is willing to I suggest that you start subtly dropping hints that you are dating other guys now you are broken up. When he realises that other men are willing to invest their time into you, it makes you more appealing. Don’t over do the jealousy posts, just enough to make him worry that there could be someone new in your life

shai

February 10, 2020 at 5:07 am

My boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago, it was very emotional for me. We’re both 22. We’ve been texting pretty much all day every day and hang out once a week. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 a week after and it makes a lot of sense because I was pretty mean to him and irritable most of the time, after a while I got insecure and clingy and we were both paranoid that we’d cheat on each other. He told me initially that in a few months or so if we feel better and still like each other maybe we can get back together. He told me the reason was that we were both very depressed and made each other too comfortable and we need to work on ourselves. He also said that his love for me is different now but he also said he’s still attracted to me and always will be. We have a lot in common and get along very well but it was the mental illness that really ruined it I think. He tells me now that I need to tell myself it probably won’t happen but it’s possible so I don’t get my hopes up and don’t focus on it. He says he wants to be friends and wants me to be in his life forever.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 17, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Hey Shai, so the fact you have been diagnosed that is something that is going to help you learn how to manage your emotions and thought processes better. And also helps you understand why some days you have lows and others high. If you take some time to get your medication sorted and then work on yourself to be happier and more settled in how your body deals with hormones you will find that speaking to your ex he is going to see a change in you for the better

Ally

February 7, 2020 at 1:07 am

No contacts works. I’ve done it before. We dated six months he called me and broke up with me, I was devastated, but I was more stubborn than anything else. I wasn’t even aware of no contact. I’m just not the type to beg for a man. If he doesn’t want me fine, I’ll find another. Although I missed him and it hurt like hell, but I never messaged. I started looking up ways to heal, and I focused on me. Even when I ran into him a couple of times at school, I said hi and never talked outside of that even when he told me to. We had quick, pleasant encounters. I waited four months before I sent my first message only reason being was because he was a classmate of mine. We quickly started dating after that. We’re still together and happy. I recommend no contact but not to get your ex back but to find yourself again and learn to be satisfied without that man. Eventually, they always come back. If it was real love, he wouldn’t forget you even if he’s dating another. He’ll be back in your life, and you don’t have to worry and spend hours trying to figure it out. I only learned about no contact because a friend of mine is going through a break-up and decide to search. It’s how I ended up here.
Irene

February 5, 2020 at 2:04 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for almost a year before we broke up last week.
I have been doing the no contact rule for 3 days now but I highly doubt it will work on him. I miss him terribly and don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 6, 2020 at 10:15 pm

Hey Irene, No Contact is an essential part of this program and it has it has a strong success rate. Every one of our success stories starts with a period of No contact. So stick with it and work on yourself in that time, the more you work on yourself the better you start to feel and then you will re attract him and good things into your life

Samantha

January 31, 2020 at 10:59 am

Hi,
I started doing nc on my 3 years long distance relationship wherein my guy had no time to come visit me , we had an on and off relationship for 3 years where first he was unsure about me, then he apologized and came back to me and whenever we talk about marriage he has commitment issues, its been 1 year he didn’t make any effort to visit me , whenever I made plans to meet him he would just make an excuse that he’s busy at work. But when I start ignoring him he blames it all on me saying you don’t treat me well that’s why I dont come to u . And when I block him he keeps calling again and again saying that he wants to work it out. But the challenge I’m facing is there’s only words no actions.. I don’t how how can I trust his words anymore and I’ve given him enough time to get his act straight but he won’t change and its hard for me to trust him that he’s ever gonna make an effort to come see me.. what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:01 pm

Hey Samantha, so following the process and also adding some hints that you could be dating other guys is the way forward. But if he is not willing to put in the time for visiting each other then maybe it is an idea to move on if you have no real plans of being together in same state/country in the long run

Lola

January 29, 2020 at 7:16 pm

Hi I’ve previously posted comments about my ex friend and I split after 8 years back in mid December. Later on January he suggested we should meet up on Valentine’s Day of this year and catch up. He also said “we are getting back together” so we shouldn’t get to another relationship and we both agreed. However when I thought about this is an one way street only coming from what my ex Boyfriend wants not me. I met someone else but East trying to be serious but this new guy likes me more than I do. He told his parents were in a relationship and invited me over a couple of times. My ex doesn’t know anything about this and he shouldn’t care either since he was trying to set a rule to benefit himself . However I agreed to Meet my ex on Valentine’s Day. But when we took a break with no contact and he kept on breaking it. I found myself I less attached and detached from my ex and realized I deserve better than what he offered me in pervious relationship. He did so little to love me. The new person gives me what I ever could ask for but I know my ex longer and even though I know it’s not right to get back together because he can’t change and treat me better and provide what I really want.
Don’t know what to do at this point because my romantic feeling for my ex is completely fade away. I’m detached emotionally and physically from him but I don’t want him. Why do I feel that way? I finally realized what I deserve and what I really expect in a partner and my ex cannot give that to me. Is there any way my ex could change and treat me better after this 2 month break? Should I give him a chance but again I don’t have a romantic feeling and Not attracted toward him anymore. He texted me yesterday saying can’t wait to see me in Valentine’s Day. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 9, 2020 at 2:35 pm

Lola, one thing you should know it is not about who you have known the longest. It is about who you have positive feelings for, who makes you feel good when in the relationship. I think your ex sounds a bit egotistic telling you what is going to happen etc. I would say that you are feeling obliged to meet him because you said you would, plans change and you can cancel! The new guy sounds like a nicer guy but I am not sure you like him as much as you could if you let your ex go. You have even said you are not attracted to your ex anymore, or have romantic feelings. Do what is best for YOU not other people

Rosa

January 19, 2020 at 2:39 am

I met him 5 months ago.. rough start.. found out he was still trying to talk to his ex n others.. I forgave him.. loaned him money.. which he gave back.. Christmas gifts..for him n his kids.. my aunt got involved she threatened him cause he cheated.. he was paronoid after that I tried to reassure him.. he told me daily he loved me wanted to marry me.. move in together.. 2 weeks ago we spent the weekend together ya n kids he kissed me goodbye my aunt found out he was talking to yet any mother girl then she told him it was extremely messed up he begged me to go out the next night.. well the next day he was MIA all day that night he said he was going out with a friend n would contact me. Never did next dad I get a call from his father saying he wants no contact. He then calls my mother a few days later n says no contact n it has nothing to do with another female.. I panicked went crazy texted him then his mom called me n said no contact .. he never once called me n said any of this but because his parents pay his way they hold this over his head… I love him this is so hard yes I kno my worth but I just wanna y’all to him n kno y.. was it all a lie… I want him to contact me is it possible !

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 1:46 pm

Hi Rosa, so as much as I understand you are hurting, the fact that his parents are getting involved and telling you to do no contact, along with him telling your mother he does not want to talk to you right now you need to a) listen to him and give him a NO Contact! and b) handle this as adults and not involve your family or friends. Read about what work you need to do with no contact and make notes of what changes you would like to have in your life.

Charlotte B.

January 18, 2020 at 3:10 am

Hello…

Okay, so I have known the father of my child for almost 10 years. My child is 4. I have been in love with him for as long as I can remember. We are constantly trying to make both our lives better for the sake of our child, and in doing so we incorporate each other in many things. Also, we have lived in 2 different states for 5 years now, but have spoken on the phone/FaceTimed multiple times a day with each other and with his child. He visits a few times a year when he is able to. Every time he comes, I become an emotional wreck bc I want a family PLUS everything else we plan on, but he is not there (he also talks/dates other women where he is as I do not, I don’t want anyone else) so then I have to bottle up all my emotions and feelings and put them away again, so we can continue on like normal. He recently came over the holidays, pretty good trip, but ended horribly with some extra bad things I won’t mention here, but again I get emotional, and I just can’t do it this way anymore. I told him I need space and I’m not sure for how long. He text me back saying he would stay away. Bc of our child, I texted him 7 days later. He didn’t respond or call like I asked him to. 7 days after that, I FaceTimed so he could see/talk to his child. I don’t want our child to get the ugly end of the stick just bc I asked for space. He answered and they spoke for all of 3 mins, then he hung up- we didn’t utter a single word to each other. We FaceTimed the night after that, he didn’t answer nor did he call back. We didn’t facetime for a few days, then we tried again and they spoke again, but we did not. I hate this. I miss him. I miss him for our child. But I honestly do not know what to do. I also hate living like this, where I can’t have what I want with him, but then feel guilty bc our child. Am i crazy? I think I may be. I honestly have no clue on what I should anymore. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 12:04 pm

Charlotte, you are not crazy it sounds more like you want to be with him and cant, so you need to give yourself the space but he should be wanting to talk to his child. You essentially need to do a Limited no contact where you allow him contact with your child but nothing else for some time. If you want to get him back you need to do some Ungettable girl work and read some more of these articles to understand what it is you need to do

Lola

January 17, 2020 at 6:23 pm

Hi, this is Lola again,
My ex doesn’t have social media and I only use my dog ig account to post anything I know his brother and wife checks my dogs account to see what I’ve been up to. Any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 9:12 pm

Do you have mutual friends that you hang out with? And you can post things on your dogs social media showing you going to new areas that he is not going to expect you to go to

Lisa

January 13, 2020 at 6:15 pm

I have been seeing a man fir 5 months ..We get on so well but he struggles to show his feelings .I am a widow so therefore very loving towards him ..He has told me he loves me twice &makes. Joke out of it ,as he’s a man a man .Ive always struggled ,thinking that he will never commit (he’s 56 &has had 2 girlfriends since the spilt from his wife 12 years ago ).Each relationship lasted 2&a half years ..The first asked him to marry him so he finished with her .The second sent a long text ,saying he was selfish .He never really says he loves me ,even though I say it every day ..He’s quite cold ..His dad dies at Xmas ,whom he was so so close too (&to his brother &17 year old daughter ),I was there with him ,supporting gin &was very patient ,understanding &caring ..His dad died on 30 December .On New Year’s Eve we went out with his brother & daughter to his local pub (we live in different areas).Therfore we were out with his family &friends & I was away from mine !..He shouted at me fir misplaying my handbag & literally ignored me at midnight .When we got to his house ,we said goodnight &he had his back to me .I said I love yiu &he said it back .I was t convinced &was hurting &feeling unloved .I asked him to tell me he loves me ,but he said ‘ I just have !,your overpowering !’..I didn’t say anything ,until a few days later ,when he let me didn’t about coming over .I totally understand he was organising his dads funerals &was distraught ..Hiwever I had to say something ,but he was cold &still couldn’t tell me hiw he felt .So I just finished it !..I’ve messaged since &explsined hiw I was feeling & that it was bad timing ,but I still love him ..His response was ‘well you finished with me ,so take care ‘..I messaged back with my feelings fir him &apologised fir the bad timing again etc ..I’ve not contacted him fir 2 days as he didn’t reply ..Today I’ve posted a condolence card ,which he will receive tomorrow..What should I do next ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 9:39 pm

Hi Lisa so as he has just lost a parent you are going to have to take into account that there is going to be a situation where you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to him and following this process. You do however need to follow the No contact period first. And read different articles that apply to your situation

Jenny

January 12, 2020 at 11:30 pm

Hi,
my ex and I are both 25, and we dated for 1 year and 2 months. Our relationship have a really special bond, there’s no trust issue, never really have an argument, if anything happened we always talk it out. We really love and care about each other and we can truly feel that as well. Unfortunately in July, he had to go back to Asia to finish his last semester there due to his family issue, so we’re in a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things were great tho, we FaceTime every morning and night, texted a lot as well, so we know what each other was doing every day. I even travelled all the way to Asia to visit him for 2 weeks in October, it was also my birthday and our anniversary. The problem is, since he’s an international student he would need a working visa in order to come back to nyc. We talked about this in August but we did not want to breakup and we’re both crying.. since we both wanted to start a life together, we decided to give a try cause who know maybe he will be able to get a job here. He said he applied to 4 to 5 companies here and will know the results by March. In the mean time, he’s supposed to come visit me end of this month, we even planned on when I should take off from work. On Wednesday morning, we FaceTime as usual and everything was perfectly fine, he even said he’s gonna book a ticket the next day. About 15 mins after we hung up, he called back saying he got a bad news, a company in nyc rejected him and he wanted to breakup now. He said he’s not coming to visit me as well cause will just make the breakup even harder. He wish we can be friends but he needs some time cause for now he won’t be able to talk to me like friends. The next day I simply asked him when did he receive the mail and he replied “yesterday..”, I tried to comfort him and told him that we can always solve the problem together like we used to.. but he didn’t reply back since. It’s been only 3 days we haven’t contact each other. I wish he could’ve gave me more time and let me know what’s going on instead of ending things so abruptly cause it made me more confused. Like I don’t even know did he got rejected by all 4 to 5 companies or he just simply gave up and decided to stay in Asia. And even for breakup, I was only mentally prepared this might happen in March.. not like this all of a sudden…
J

January 10, 2020 at 1:34 am

My boyfriend and I broke up mutually about two weeks ago and have been doing no contact for a 10 days. We were together for almost 2 years, 7 of the most recent months being long distance. I guess I’m just trying to decide if no contact still has to be for 30 days even with long distance breakups or if it can be shorter. We both decided that we still want to be friends but I’m worried that if I contact him too soon he won’t have time to miss me before I reach out. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 9:14 pm

Hey J, only you can decide to move on or try to get your ex back. When you’ve made your decision on either I am more than happy to help you through either path

“It’s over”

January 5, 2020 at 1:02 pm

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend we’re together for a year and a half. We had a really good relationship and when he went into the army training, I stood by him and supported him so much. Then in October we had a row and he was like “I need space” I couldn’t get to grips with it so I done the who begging and pleading (which i know was wrong), he said we just argue to much, were not happy and he doesn’t see us working as a couple in the future. I was devestated, I tried everything I could think of. We still continued to meet, I went a week nc and then we ended up sleeping together etc then after he turned round and said we should just be friends. It carried on from October – December.. he said that he was willing to see what there was left for us and that i could change his mind.. we’ve been arguing and going round in circles because I’ve just been losing my mind. Anyway. He ended things with me properly on Christmas Eve. . Just said that we don’t work. Also that if we were to date other people it might make us realise what we have.. I was against this to be honest as I feel like he may be going through the *grass is greener* stage.
New Year’s Eve he text me saying he hopes we can be the happy people we once were and he never wanted this but nothing can be done about that now. He knew I was out and he knew it would upset me. I got him to come and pick up his things and have told him that I love him and if he ever changes his mind about us or has any regrets then to let me know.. “hopefully I’ll still be around but I need to move on with my life” currently on day 3 again of no contact. We had such a good relationship and just hit a few bumps towards the end which he can’t see past, doesn’t help he has friends in his ear either.
He’s been out with friends. Partying, I asked if there was another woman when he broke it off and he said absolutely not but he will be on the hunt and possibly already chatting to a few girls who were on the back burner. So what now? I’m going to go the 30 days, post happy photos (but then thats what he wants.. for us to both be happy again) just think he’s delusional. Left things nice, door open approach but know I need to move on with my life. Do you recommend longer than 30 days? I’d like him to break contact 1st when he realises what we had was so good.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 9:51 pm

Hey so him saying he wants us both to be happy then you need to take into an account that he is trying not to look like the “bad guy”. So yes he wants you to be happy, but if you are looking happier than he is, then he is going to question how you are doing so well and why. Like we have said, after a break up the guys seem happy so quickly while we cry and morn the relationship. But as we start to feel better, the guys realise they’re not as happy as they thought. So make sure you working on yourself, be happy, become Ungettable and show this through social media. That way he is going to be interested in what is making you so happy all of a sudden. Then at the end of your no contact, (30 days is fine) you can reach out in a friendly way asking for advice or telling him about something exciting you have done, keeping conversation short where YOU end it

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