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Sophie B
February 2, 2015 at 10:52 am
Hi Chris,
I was insecure and have pushed him away to this point now where he has blocked me off everything apart from 1 (viber) I’m making sure I don’t txt or call. My question is what if after NC he doesn’t reach out an come back? What if his friends/family convince him he’s better without me before I get chance to fight for him? Any advice appreciated, thank you 🙂
Monet
February 2, 2015 at 7:49 am
Hi Chris,
So I’ve been dating this guy at work for 2-3months. Our relationship bloomed so fast that it scared both of us. We spend every moment of the day talking, texting, FaceTime, or together! We also became sexually involved. He at one pointed texted “I love u”. Well, recently we had a discussion over text about us being an actual couple. He replied it would be difficult because we work together & guys hang all over me & he can’t say anything, that he didn’t trust me because I flirt a lot, & that I date too many guys. I explained to him that IM SINGLE, & once we become a couple all of that will change. I also explained to him we are both going to transfer in the next year or two to different depts anyway. He replied that he had to protect his heart & thinks I’m laying it on thick & really don’t mean it. That I was running game & he’s had his heart broken by pretty girls. He wanted to continue sleeping together & leave things the way they were. I told him I was upset & wanted to discontinue the conversation. The next day he texted, & I told him I was still upset & needed time. So, 3 days went by….I didn’t text or call him. He would just stare at me if we saw each other in passing at work. Then on the 3rd night…..he calls. He asks why I haven’t called him…blah blah. He said he knew what I was doing…blah blah & that he wasn’t stupid he could take a hint. I told him not to jump to conclusions, let’s talk. He told me to have a gudnite & hung up. I texted him 30 minutes later & asked him to communicate with me & that I didn’t understand why he was upset. I asked him to share his feelings & lets talk it out. He replied lets go back to “no talking” it was better…goodnight. I told him if that’s what he wants….it’s done, goodnight. That’s been 7 days ago! In two weeks he’s suppose to have surgery & I was suppose to be there & help. Then there’s Valentines Day, we were going to be together. I’m starting to feel bad for him & I miss him. On the other hand he is the one who said lets go without talking. I’ve almost given in & texted him. Should I hold the NC rule? Even through the surgery or Valentines? I feel he would alone & deserted.
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:47 pm
Yep hold it!
Chanelle
February 2, 2015 at 5:11 am
I dated this guy for 1 year and we have been off and on for the entire time. So I’m used to him breaking up with me then apologizing. Well he dumped me again and this time he has been ignoring me. He is very jealous and always thought I was cheating on him. The last time we broke up for a week and in that time he had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I forgave him. Whenever we fight I always catch him flirting with other girls. He thinks I don’t care about him but in fact i’m deeply in love with him. He is also very hot and cold. The day before he dumped me he told me “I love you so much, I can’t imagine my life with out you, I need to keep you, sometimes I forget how special you really are to me.” then the next morning i get “I don’t love you, I don’t want to be with you anymore, I’ve been trying to break up with you forever ago” He’s been doing this since day one. He say’s that I forced him to be with me, which you can’t force anyone to be with another person. I never forced him to apologize or to come back those other times. We went through a lot this first year, we fight over the dumbest things constantly and we both are tired of fighting. We got an abortion together and he blames me, when he didn’t want to have the baby. He also drinks and smokes 24/7 and he just started doing coke and I’m worried. I would do anything to help him and I know I haven’t been the perfect girlfriend but I surely do love him and have stuck by him through everything he’s done to me. I just feel like this time it’s really over but I don’t want it to be. It kills me to know he might be sleeping with others just to get over me, thats what he did the first time. Is it even possible to get him back? I did bombard him with text messages the first two days and called a thousand times. I also made the mistake of showing up to his house last night, which I know upset him all he had to say was ” I don’t love you and don’t want to be with you” things he’s said in the past and later said he didn’t mean. Today is my first day of NC but I really don’t expect to hear from him. Help!
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:45 pm
You are still so early in NC…
Just keep your head down and keep moving forward.
H
February 2, 2015 at 4:19 am
Hi I need some advice. My ex and I dated for over 8 years. A few weeks ago he told me that he no longer felt the spark and it had been feeling like he was just hanging out with his best friend. He wanted to stay together and try to get the feeling back. So we agreed to see each other less, and go on weekly dates. Oh and he said that we would call me everyday. Naturally I had hope and was willing to give it a shot because I loved him. In the two weeks that followed he did call everyday but he also became very distant.He made little to no effort in trying to fix our relationship even though he seemed really eager to in the beginning. Not to mention he made some new friends and did a bunch of fun stuff with them all the time. One of these new friends was a girl who he had a lot in common with. They began to hang out a few days a week. When I asked him about her, he said he only saw her as a friend and that she had a boyfriend. I know people could assume that he was lying but I really don’t think that he was. So when our first date was supposed to roll around, I ended up cancelling it because I needed more time. A week after that, we did go on a date but it was awkward. Later that night, we talked and I said that we should go NC for a week so he could decide what we wanted because he hasn’t been putting our relationship as a priority. I told him that he either needed to try for our relationship or risk loosing me forever because I didn’t want to be just friends. He agreed that he hadn’t because he didn’t want to have to think about it and how he made me upset. He also did not want to loose me forever but felt like should act like friends for awhile to see if he feels the spark again. Well during the NC week, I was doing good until I saw him take off a picture of us from his profile page. I thought that he may have been hinting to me that we were over. So I went to see him and he said that it wasn’t his intention. He said that he still wanted to try for our relationship but I felt that his heart was not in it. So I said we should take more time apart and during that time we should be single. I did that because I realized that I needed to find myself without him and that it was not fair for me to put my life on hold while he decides what he wants. He didn’t seem happy about the break up because he thought I would never talk to him again. Afterwards I was in pretty good spirits and began to do things I wanted. I met some new people and went to some new places and posted about it on Facebook. Well two days after the break up he showed up at my job and was upset. He waited around until I took my lunch and he walked with me to a local store. I was just casual with him and didn’t show that I was upset or anything. He asked about my new adventures and who I was hanging out with. He also talked a few times as if like we were still in a relationship and he also noticed that I was wearing a new shirt. He then asked what I was doing that night but I said that I had plans. When we were walking back to my job, he said sorry for being upset and that he missed me. I cut it short and said I had to go back to work. Then the next day he text me asking how my night went. I didn’t text back and then a few hours later he said “goodnight and goodbye, I suppose.” From reading your article it seems like he is just trying to make me feel guilty and get a response from me. My problem is that I do want to get back with him but I also think we should take the time to work on ourselves. I also feel that if we start talking again that he will put me in the limbo state again or even worse, the friendzone. I was wondering what I should do. Should I send a short text, making sure to not ask him any questions or should I continue with no contact? I’m afraid if I don’t text back that he will get upset and end up falling for this new female friend of his.
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:43 pm
Its a common fear but really if he is upset about you he isn’t going to be falling for some other girl…
Marie
February 1, 2015 at 7:03 am
Chris,
It would have been 6 years together this coming March. 2 years ago, I did something to falter the relationship. I got physical with him over me being extremely jealous. I did not hurt him badly, but hurt the relationship and trust obviously. He forgave me once. We moved in together, and I got physical once more. That time, he told me it was over when he expressed to his mom what was going on. It wasn’t over. We stayed together for 2 years after that, just spending time together – pretty much like it never happened. I and he grew a lot in that time, he saw the changes I was making/how I was maturing. But still, he felt he couldn’t forgive me. Was this because he never got a chance to breathe/forgive me? For the past few months, things simmered down and it was becoming obvious how he was detaching. He still said “I love you,” I would see him, we would talk and catch each other up on our daily achievements, but he consistently “reminded” me that breaking up was inevitable. He would state he wanted me to try and move on; as he was preparing himself to do so as well. I guess I never believed his words because he showed me differently(?)…It wasn’t until a couple of days ago where it clicked that I was not in a healthy place. I told him that if he wanted to break up, we have to be the real deal and do it. So I instigated the NC rule. He told me that he “would not contact me first,” since I was the one who wasn’t okay with our complicated situation. Was this the right thing to do? I just want him to forgive me, but ultimately find what makes him happy.
Also – I should mention we got together at 19 years old, currently 24. I was his first serious relationship and I took his virginity. I don’t know if that plays a factor.
I, of course, want him back. I have hope he will come back. But I do not want to lean on those thoughts in case I am disappointed.
Please advise!
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:01 pm
I think the virginity thing does play a factor but not as big as you think.
He will contact you first…
Men like him usually break down. I have seen it firsthand.
Alexa
February 1, 2015 at 3:21 am
Hi please help me. I posted on here earlier but cant seem to find my comment now. My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago, everything was great we had plans to go out and we talked theoughout the day, then suddenly he got upset at why i havent introduced him to my parents and he thinks im “hiding” him from the world. I reassured him that i am not and that i love him very much. Before i knew it he was ignoring me and i was texting and texting, then he said some really hurtful things and broke it off. I pulled myself together and sent him one last text that said if you feel lile this is not worth your time then maybe it is best we go our separate ways, he responded back 4 hours later pretty much breaking us up again. That was it, i havent heard from him in two days and im scared that was the end of it, i was beginning to look at things differently. I am beyond depressed and im not sure if i should contact him or not? I already feel like a big loser from the things that he said to me, which were very hurtful. Please help, any advice would really be appreciated. Thank you so much. Anxiously awaiting your advice.
admin
February 2, 2015 at 1:55 pm
No don’t contact him…
You should be in a strict NC right now!
Alexa
February 3, 2015 at 12:28 am
Earlier tonight after 4 days of NC he unfriended me off of Facebook, i’m left wondering and really hurt from this. He never deletes anyone of his ex’s, he said i’m the only one he’s actually loved though. Why could this be?
Alexa
February 2, 2015 at 2:30 pm
Im not sure if i mentioned that we are still friends on facebook so anything i post he sees. Should i post anything? I just feel like NC will drift us apart further and make him forget me??
Thank you i really appreciate the advice
Alexa
February 1, 2015 at 2:58 am
My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago, everything was fine and then he suddenly got mad because i haven’t introduced him to my family but i thought we were waiting until we were both ready, as an attempt to keep him i said i would bring him home so he wouldn’t leave me, but he didn’t…he said some really hurtful things and pretty much ended things. Now i am going through a huge depression, i’m not sure if i should contact him or if he will be back or what to do..help please 🙁
admin
February 2, 2015 at 1:56 pm
Have you attempted NC?
Kells
February 1, 2015 at 1:27 am
Hi Chris, I ended things with my ex after being in an on-again/off again relationship for about 8 months. I finally ended things with him about a month ago. I told him I needed space and to not talk to me at all, not even a hello. We work together so it was really hard to follow no contact but I’ve been standing strong, I haven’t contacted him in any way at all. Somewhere around the 14th day I started noticing that he doesn’t speak to me but when he walks by me in the hallway he starts singing , it’s very awkward. He doesn’t say anything, just sings. Also one day last week we were on the elevator together and he was singing, he went down a floor with me but he never got off, he just went back up. Is he trying to reach out or is it all a coincidence? And if he is trying to get me to say something to him, should I speak first to find out what’s on his mind or should I wait for him to say something to me? And if I do speak first what should I say since I told him not to talk to me at all without looking crazy?
admin
February 2, 2015 at 1:56 pm
You should use one of the texts that I recommend on this site or in the book.
mariam
January 30, 2015 at 11:16 am
HiChris,
my situation is like this ,two years ago i was introduced to this guy by my friends , it was distant relationship since he lives in Canada and i live in middle east for wrok , the reason behind this introduction that we both looking to Seattle down and find someone we both like, we clicked immediately , we were on whatsup and skype daily for good four months, then he disappeared for the past 8 months i moved on, i moved my job and i started new life , then i discovered tens of miss calls , non stop , begging me to talk to him , when i finally agreed , i told him how i felt and i moved on , but he apologized he had family issues but it was full of nonsense i said we all go through the same but i want disappear , and i accept him like a fool, we skyped but i was doubtful about his intentions i even let him know and he was aware of it and promised me he want hurt me and he is serious , he wants to come and visit me , how he is lucky to meet a good women , his friends made a good choice for him , he gave me fake happiness and i need it , i really believed him , i keep reading his messages and i say to my self he was genuine and i remember our conversations he did care for me. i remembered he always calls me when he wants and i attend his calls , but he does the same sometimes, i do have deep feelings for him since we do have good connection, we planned to meet up but nothing from his side moving forward. then i went through work problems, family health issues that drained me , i started to feel needing him to be by my side , so i messaged him asking for his support, i even told him because of these issues you might want to find another women . he said to stop being emotional and not to stress. suddenly HE DISAPPEARED . NO replies to any of my messages . will he ever contact me again. i removed him from my skype address . so no contact period . but i want him back . help
admin
January 30, 2015 at 4:46 pm
He is using NC on you… Interesting!
I bet he will come out of the woodwork eventually.
Stacey
January 29, 2015 at 9:40 pm
Hi. Me and my ex have just broke up a couple days ago we’ve only been together 6 months. We had a huge fight caused by me over nothing (I made it out to be a huge deal after a few drinks) he said I made him feel worthless and was shocked at how I acted he has had bad relationships in the past and said he didn’t want to go down that road again. I’ve apologised countless times admitted it was my fault and said I would work hard on my attitude to make sure it would never happen again. Although he admits no relationship would work with out arguments he still isn’t willing to give me another chance. He has depression and has had for a while witch is making this more complicated. I’m scared of him getting his kids at the weekend because they will likely ask for me and if he tells them we have broken up then there will be no going back. So my question is, should I break the NC rule and just send a simple message to say I miss his just so he doesn’t make a bigger rash decision by telling the kids and setting it in stone.
admin
January 30, 2015 at 4:17 pm
No, don’t break it.
Janet
January 29, 2015 at 8:07 pm
Your webpage has been so educational! But I had a question regarding “the after taste” so my situation happened two days ago. When we broke up I was really emotional and crying like crazy. He kept saying he felt so bad. So my dad said I should text him Saturday and tell him sorry I went bat shit crazy and that I am ok. And I really do want to be friends with him. (Which is what the ex said) Since I left on such a crazy note should I do that and then start the No Contact? My dad thinks I should because the ex’s last interaction with me was a bad one and he might then avoid me because he doesn’t want to make me cry again. What should I do?
admin
January 30, 2015 at 4:04 pm
I would just go right into NC.
Laeticia
January 28, 2015 at 11:12 pm
My ex and I have been together for over a year with a month of break because he said that he needed “space”. Then I discovered he was cheating and break up for a month.. He apologized, we got back together but this time it was just for 3 moths..And a week after our break up, he started to date another. He texted me this week just saying Hi, but I don’t wanna reply. It has been 1 month and a week since we break up but only 2 weeks since I’ve started the NC. Is it really going to work? since he is dating someone else and this is only the second time he has tried to reach me out since the break up
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:50 pm
IMpossible for me to guarantee you a result but I think it will definitely help your chances 🙂
Adelaide
January 28, 2015 at 10:29 pm
Hi there,
I’ve been stalking this site and reading everything for the past two weeks since being blindsided by a breakup. I’m 28 years old and feeling like I’m back in high school.
My ex and I dated for a short time, 3.5 months, but it was very intense. Amazing chemistry on every level, we never fought about anything, and we doted on each other all the time. He gave me constant speeches about how I was amazing and unlike any other woman he’s dated, and just what he was looking for etc. I knew he’d been hurt in the past (haven’t we all?) so I kind of let him take the reigns during the relationship. He made all the plans to see me, which was constant, he called me all the time, twice a day, we texted constantly. I let him ask to make it official first, say he was my boyfriend, etc., say I love you first, all that good stuff. Although I was ready for all those things before he was, he didn’t leave me hanging too long. I didn’t nag, and I let him come to things in his own time. It meant more to me that way, it felt more real knowing he took those leaps first. We were blissed out happy. We had an incredible New Years eve together where he toasted me and talked about spending the year together.
Then a week ago he started acting weird. Not calling when he normally would, getting sloppy drunk, saying he was depressed, fed up with school and work (when previously he loved both those things), started talking about struggling with his mental health, etc. We had a great weekend together. He was making long term plans, said he loved me, I was perfectly happy and reassured.
Then it was his birthday and he cancelled plans to see me saying he was just tired and wanted to stay home. Ok, no problem. I get that. Disappointing, but I understood. The next day he invited me over and broke up with me. Without going into direct quotes, which are burned into my brain now, the bottom line was that he is a head case right now, could not reciprocate my feelings even though he thought he did, and that he hadn’t meant to get in this deep with me. He wasn’t ready for an adult relationship. This took me by surprise as we had been so happy and there was no pressure to live together, get married, none of those conversations. We were simply a monogomous couple still in the honeymoon phase. I didn’t try to change him, I didn’t nag, I must say I was an awesome girlfriend. Then this. Basically, I’m amazing but he can’t do this right now. He needs to be alone while he’s “going through these things.”
I didn’t yell during this speech, I didn’t even let him see me cry. I did no begging or trying to convince him of anything. I learned that lesson when I was 17 years old.
I wrote him an email in the morning asking him to indulge a few questions since I was taken so much by surprise and now I’d had time to think. He spouted the same stuff about not being ready and that I’m wonderful and he’s not and yadda yadda. Okay fine. He assured me that new years eve wasn’t bullshit and things were good then, so I asked him how he could flip a switch so quickly (about a week). He cited his mental health saying he wasn’t well and that he’d done a lot of reflection during this time. I wished him luck with his mental health issues and that was that. I went no contact right away.
Obviously I was devastated. I’ve spent the last two weeks crying and feeling like a desperate pathetic loser. But I held my ground.
Two weeks after breaking up with me and no contact, he texted me. He said he just found out that three of his exes are married to the guys they dated after him and made a Good Luck Chuck reference and said it was good news for me. It felt condescending and pitiful and a little too lighthearted considering the pain he caused me. I could not resist the urge to reply. I had been desperate for him to reach out, and I really thought he would considering the abruptness of his change of heart and feeling like I was simply the victim of a panic attack. We had a short and emotionless conversation, and I didn’t reply to the last text he sent.
What should I make of this? My agony was somewhat relieved to know he was thinking about me, but his text wasn’t how are you, I miss you, none of that. Friends say the content of the message doesn’t matter, that he just wanted to say something, anything. Test the waters. Maybe even an attempt to start a convo about if I’m dating anyone. I just don’t know. What do you think? I will still hold my ground and never reach out first, but I love this man and still hope he will snap out of this bout of depression. You’ve written about “aftertaste” and let me tell you, I leave a great one. There’s not a bad thing he could ever say about me or the relationship. So what now? Should I have any hope that his mind has changed back just as suddenly as it did two weeks ago?
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I mean, it is an insensitive text but he is probably feeling pretty bad that all of his exes are getting married and maybe he is wondering if you were too.
Adelaide
January 29, 2015 at 5:46 pm
Doubtful since we had broken up only two weeks before. It felt like he was trying to reassure me that I would be okay. A little condescending if that was his intention, but a friend told me the content of the message doesn’t matter, he was just reaching out with anything he could think of.
Given the circumstances, considering we didn’t break up because we argued, had any real problems, but rather he freaked out and bailed because he wasn’t ready, do you think there I should hold on to any hope? I’m angry and devastated right now, but he would have no reason to hold any hard feelings against me. So I can’t figure out which type he fits into.
Sandra
January 28, 2015 at 6:27 pm
Hi, Im going crazy right now. My bf broke up with me 2 days ago becouse of something really stupid that is a huge deal to him. Hes very jealous of my past, he found out I made out with a guy 3 years ago while I knew him (I was not together with him at the time), he was actually fooling around much more than me. But as I said he has a huge problem with the past and jealousy. Well he found out, flipped out, went crazy and dumped me. Technically I know he is wrong to react that way, I have nothing to apologize for, but im just dying too! The look on his face, he was so mad, he blocked me from fb and from wssap. It was over something so stupid I dont know what to do, I thought maybe he would cool down in a few days and see it rationally, but he hasnt. All I want is to just send him a message, go over to his house and tell him I love him so we can fix things. Im just scared that it will just make things worse or that he still hates me. Do you have any tips on how to stay strong. Im on day 2 I have no idea how Im gonna get through 30 days!! I always try to fix things as soon as possible. Please help me, im in hell!
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:28 pm
He seems unstable…
I mean, I get being upset with someones past but come on… That is a crazy double standard.
Chane
January 28, 2015 at 1:32 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago. I did the whole crazy texting thing but he eventually texted me back this beautiful message but still felt it was better if we broke it off. Then we talked a bit for a week (I was not needy or anything during this time) and he told me he misses me and he can’t see his life without me. But then all of a sudden on Sunday night he blocked me on Whatsapp and told me he has to get over me and it won’t help if he keeps on talking to me? How do i apply the NC rule if he kind of blocked me. Just for in case, this was not a block because he was mad or anything he just really felt we should stop talking to one another. I really do feel he still has strong feelings for me?
LuckyStars20
January 28, 2015 at 7:00 am
I read the entireee article. I believe my ex boyfriend is the “angry guy” and yea, I know it will be hard to get him back:(. But I feel like it wasn’t even my fault. It all started when out of nowhere he began to ignore me for a few days. A day or so in, I would think its normal because we really weren’t big texters anyway. We only texted to see how we were doing and goodmorning goonight texts. Anyways, he ignored me for a few days and I really got worried. I genuinely thought something bad happened to him bc of his history and past.. And he also had my number on his moms phone so he really had no other excuse to not contact me. I pleaded for him to call and tht I needed to talk to him. The day before he started ignoring me he called me like normal and after the hour conversation, he said he promised to call n text the next day. Well that never happened ofc… Finally on the fourth day I told him it was over. He then called me and hour later on his moms phone saying how he lost his cell. I called him out and said he was lying. One thing he hates more than anything is being called a liar. He hung up on me 2 minutes in the conversation. A day later I sent a long text with ALL my feelings in it…he didn’t respond until the next day saying you think im a liar so whatever I tell u, u wont believe anyway. He also said how he saw my online dating profile (we met from there) and said, “nice pictures. I see its easy for you to move on so don’t act like its so hard to move.” And then he immediately tried calling me twice after sending me those texts but I didn’t answer. Well, on the second phone call I just stared at my phone ringing and pressed the answer button the verrrryyyyy last second only to get a silent pause and him hanging up. It was either that or he pressed end the exact moment I answered…. A day or so later I sent a text saying how he shouldn’t take people in his life for granted and that I was the stupid one for waiting for a real apology and taking this relationahip seriously when he’s never had since day 1. Also that I should have sadi he was a liar straight to his face so he could learn something bc in his text he expressed how I should have said it to his face instead of the phone bc I obviously had that in mind (not true!). Then a few days go by and I have an emotional breakdown in my room just staring at my phone waiting for his call…I stared at his number questioning if I should click it or not. I did a few times….nothing. I then sent a very vulnerable and apologetic text saying how I didn’t want to break up and that I just want closure from him bc all hes been giving me was silence. I just wanted to talk through it and make up. The furthest thing from my mind was giving up on him:( I begged him to reply and he finally did hours later saying he just wanted to let me know that I hurt him saying he was a liar bc it was like was just playing along the whole time and that he wasn’t sure if we could even be together. I replied immediately saying ok I got it Im sorry and I do trust you, I just let my emotions get the best of me. The very last piece of contact btw the both of us was me saying im sorry. After that….nothing for either one of us. So basically its been 12 full days of NC and I am constantly thinking about him and wondering what hes up to. I deleted my dating profile a little while ago, but I still check up on his (that’s the only social network he has as well I have too. No fck, twitter or instagram)… So yea, we are both in our early 20s but he was my first boyfriend and the one I lost my virginity to while he is the complete opposite. I feel like its sooo easy for him to move on to the next girl coming his way, but since he is my first everything, its 1000000 times harder for me to forget him. Hes also pretty stubborn as well. I cry a lot and just wish my heart could take a rest from all this heartache im putting it through…I want him back desperately, but Im dedicated to the NC rule. However, after 30 days and he still hasn’t contacted me even once, would it be best to just move on?? Do you think we stand a chance at being together again? Im desperate 🙁
admin
January 28, 2015 at 5:04 pm
No, remember YOU are supposed to contact HIM after NC.
I know it seems counter-intuitive but that’s what I recommend.
leona lewis
January 28, 2015 at 4:21 am
In my recent break-up, I caught my boyfriend cheating. He didn’t admit it at first when I asked him but he’s left with no choice when I showed him proof on how I found out. I am in NC for 25 days and he hasn’t reached me either. Though I decided to move forward, I am leaving a window open as we’ve been together for 2 years and 9 months. I am confused if that length of time may not have bearing on him, for him not to think about me. Also, I found out recently through social media (but not on his account) that he continued his relationship with the young girl he cheated me with. I’d like to know if the personality types of men apply if the reason for break-up is cheating and if it applies when my ex decides to test the waters and continue on with his affair? Appreciate if you can enlighten me further. Might be helpful for my grieving/moving on process.
admin
January 28, 2015 at 5:01 pm
How did he cheat?
leona lewis
January 29, 2015 at 3:09 am
He cheated with a co-worker who likes him. He admitted to me some months ago that this co-worker (10 years younger than him) sent signals of interest. I told him not to lead her on so it won’t get deeper but they continued to see each other behind my back. They are a month into their “relationship” when I confronted him 26 days ago.
I’d like to pick your brain, and hopefully it can help me figure out and understand this phase. He repeatedly told me when I last saw him that he made a mistake and he needs time to fix it. But as mentioned in the previous post, there were social media posts from the other woman that they are so very much together after we parted.
I must say the no contact rule is helping me assess where I am and how I see the relationship. Though I am deeply hurt because of the betrayal, I want to understand what goes in the his mind so I can understand him.
Some enlightenment please. Appreciate your reply.
PS: NC is going on for 26 days. Still no word from him.
admin
January 29, 2015 at 3:06 pm
Do you think you could ever forgive him?
Also, was there something he wasn’t getting in your relationship that made him stray.
leona lewis
January 30, 2015 at 5:21 am
Should it be that forgiveness will come after he shows a sincere apology with effort to make up for what he did? It’s the 27th day of NC and the silence continues. But to answer your question if I could ever forgive him, I actually did already without him asking for it and without him knowing. It is because other than I don’t want to carry bitterness, I understood that he is lost and I will not add on to his burden. But it doesn’t mean that I am not in pain nor I will be very much willing to take him back quickly without effort.
To be honest I don’t know how to answer your second question. During the time that we are together, I made it a point that we always look forward to new and exciting things. I’d like to say that I also inspired him to be a better person by showing him how he can reach his dreams. I never lacked in showing him love, encouragement and support. I must say though, that I take the lead most of the time because it is an established criteria before we even met (history: his father who works for my company introduced us). But we are equals when we are together because I respect his capabilities, never expected more than what he can give and showed complete love and support not only to him but to all people that matter in his life like his family. If giving all these is what made him stray, then I acted on all these with no regrets because this is how I know how to love.
Yet again, I sense that the appreciation he got from the other person combined with an ego-boosting self fulfillment and the excitement of being with someone new, all went up to his head and drove him to do what he did.
Hope you can help me understand what goes on in his head and why he hasn’t taken the moves to correct his mistakes. Is he even thinking about me and what he did? Is a new relationship that started with cheating really worth letting go of an established relationship of almost three years?
admin
January 30, 2015 at 4:45 pm
Wow, you are better than me.
I would have a hard time forgiving someoen eif they did that to me.
I am going to give you a tip about commenting to me.
If you put your questions in bullet points I will answer them all. It is so much easier for me. Can you do that for me?
Sophie
January 28, 2015 at 12:54 am
Does the no contact rule work with guys who aren’t technically your ex boyfriend? I.e. We ended things before they began to progress because I said I wanted more & he didn’t know what he wanted.. Which I took to mean he didn’t want me.
The aftertaste is good 🙂 we had a nice breakup
admin
January 28, 2015 at 4:34 pm
I guess it can but it won’t be as effective.
Remmie
January 27, 2015 at 11:57 pm
Hey Chris,
My boyfriend & I have been together 3 months & it couldn’t have been a more perfect match. We moved pretty fast (both are coming out of recent divorces), so I had expressed concern about it & that he could be rebounding, though I’m certain I’m not. He didn’t seem to want to change anything, so I kept following his lead.
About a week ago, he suddenly seemed to be distancing himself & avoiding spending time with me. Friday I was prepared to discuss his behavior with him after work he sent me a late text saying,
“Sorry to drop this on you all of a sudden. I know I’ve been acting different recently. I need to think about some stuff over the weekend. How about we meet up sometime next week and talk?” Then he implemented the NC period for at least the weekend, from what he texted.
I know the fact that he wants to talk later means he might not be thinking about breaking up, necessarily. However, I unexpectedly ran I to him last night. I was unprepared to meet him face to face & barely replied irritably to his “hi” & walked away. I’m afraid I put a bad taste in his mouth with that reaction.
It’s now Tuesday & I’ve still heard nothing from him.
It’s important to tell you that both of our lives are very busy & we each have a lot going on, & I understand if he needs time, but I just didn’t expect to be cut off from his life.
admin
January 28, 2015 at 4:34 pm
Well, have you ever done the NC on him?
You said he did it on you?
Remmie
January 29, 2015 at 4:28 am
I honored HIS no contact by leaving him alone until today, which was twice as long as he said he needed.
I’ll implement it again once he returns a few items he was borrowing from me.
I’m hurt: I have no desire to continue talking to him right now, so it won’t be hard. I just want to be able to try again with him in the future.
Remmie
January 28, 2015 at 1:36 am
& what am I supposed to say to him if he calls to talk & doesn’t want to break up?
I’m hurt & I know I’ll need to get over that, & I don’t want to lose him over this.
If he doesn’t call by Friday (1week after he initiated NC), would I be correct in assuming it’s over?
Remmie
January 29, 2015 at 4:24 am
Ok. I broke NC today & demanded an answer, but I knew he would be breaKing up with me at this point.
He did. Texted to say apparently he still can’t handle a serious relationship & went back & forth for days about his decision.
I texted him only to get my overnight things from his house after that. I don’t want a bad break up. I want to keep the door open to a future relationship once he gets his head on straight. I know to work on myself & by improving myself I’ll give him something to want again.
How long do you that would take him? I don’t expect to ever contact him, since he’s the one who ended it, it should be his job, right?
Any suggestions on how I can win him back in a few months? I have no reason to think we’d ever run into each other again. We don’t run in the same circles & I’ve deleted him from my social media accounts so I don’t have to see photos of him.
I’ll work on getting over him, but he’s a great guy & we had such a great relationship.
admin
January 28, 2015 at 4:43 pm
You would probably be correct in assuming that it would be over.
If he does call and talk and doesn’t want to break up then don’t break up. The whole point of this site is to help you glue things back.
Kaylee
January 26, 2015 at 11:13 pm
So what if you think he’s mad at you for saying you don’t want to be friends and you start no contact then like a month after the breakup( 2 and half weeks of nc) he texts on our 2 year asking for his house key ( that I don’t have nor would i have it) . Then when I say I don’t have then but I’ll look around just in case he doesn’t reply ?!
Is he trying mess with my head or did he really think I had his keys ? ( I only broke the nc because I wanted him to know I didn’t have his stuff but I am doing nc again.
admin
January 27, 2015 at 2:44 pm
Ok, continue NC.
You technically followed the rules letting him know that you didn’t have his stuff so you are still good.