Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Do Avoidants Open Up Emotionally?
How Secure People React To Avoidants
How To Know If An Avoidant Is Using You
Signs An Avoidant Will Come Back After Losing You
Why Avoidants Don’t Want Relationships
Do Avoidants Fight For A Relationship?
An Avoidant Will Feel Instant Regret If You Do This
Signs An Avoidant Is Hiding Deep Feelings For You
Why Avoidants Say Things That Don’t Make Sense
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
Post categories
Sarah AM
February 21, 2015 at 7:32 pm
I’m in the no contact phase because my ex said mean things to me and did not apologize. It’s over a month, we have no spoken but he us on my gtalk and bbm. Does not contact mean I should block him from social chats or just ignore him? I’m in the process of deciding if to remove him from my chats. I already removed him from facebook over two years.
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:13 pm
Just simply ignore him.
Sarah AM
February 21, 2015 at 7:33 pm
Sorry Apple predictive text suck.
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:13 pm
Good ole Apple!
Oliviana
February 21, 2015 at 5:59 pm
Hi Chris
I was seeing a guy for nearly 3 months. Everything was going well but for the last 3 weeks he Was hot and cold. In the beginning stages he wanted us to just be in a relationship which I didn’t feel ready doing as I had only known him a couple weeks to a month. He asked once again before xmas but I still thought it was way too soon. He introduced me to his family and they knew we were seeing each other as he was very affectionate with me in front of them. I however seeing as we were hitting three months wanted to see if we were in fact going to become official or not. He replied and said he doesn’t know if he is ready for a relationshin but he really does like me.
I was cool and calm and said ok. But the next day my head was all over the place I didn’t understand what went wrong. I did the worst thing I could and sent him a long text message asking what happened and all the good times we had to which he didn’t respond to. Then the next 2 days I asked him if we could meet up. He said his son who he had for the weekend wasn’t well but he would let me know. I’m a very stubborn person so by then I thought whatever I cant be bothered. Spoke to a maLe friend who told me not to contact him for 30 days. I said what’s the point if he doesn’t know whether he is ready to be in a relationship but he really does like me. He seemed confused. The fact he was acting hot and cold towards the end made sense so why bother. THE guy I was seeing had said that he had been feeling like that for a couple weeks which seems to meet that he had checked out on us before I was even aware. I asked if he was speaking to any one else which he replied no Which I believe.
The question is is there even any point in doing the no contact with someone who doesn’t even know if they are ready to be in a relationship? I’m on day 5 already and losing hope. I have been keeping busy as I have a 6 year old son but I’m quite down about the whole thing because I really did see it going somewhere.
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:08 pm
I think there is a point to it. It will serve as a reset button.
Listen to my podcast if you need more hope.
Oliviana
February 26, 2015 at 9:28 am
Hi Chris
So I reached day 9 of NC. He messaged me asking me to pick up something. He was polite and said whats going on? Do you you want your stuff? I haven’t replied and don’t plan to as I’ve done so well during this NC. It was actually Wednesday 25th where I had been feeling really good. He has barely been on my mind then I get this text and i start getting anxious reading into the message.
Do you think it’s as simple as him just wanting to collect my stuff which really isn’t valuable and i could care less if I have them back. Or he wants to see me?
It wasn’t a nasty breakup. Like i said in the previous post I asked him where it was going and he said he doesn’t know if he’s ready to be in a relationship. He’s had more than a week to tell me to collect my stuff.
Should I take this on the chin and see it as he simply wants me to collect my stuff?
Oliviana
February 27, 2015 at 12:43 am
Hes actually contacted me again to collect my stuff.
Christina Nelson
February 20, 2015 at 6:07 pm
Hi Chris,
Your articles and ebook are so eye-opening! I’ve been taking in everything you’ve said. However, I do have a concern about the No Contact Rule. My boyfriends of a year and four months broke up with me about three weeks ago. At this point, I’ve come to terms with it and have been actively taking steps to improve my own well-being. I do miss him though, as he is a total catch and a great guy. My concern is that I broke the No Contact Rule a week and a half into the breakup. We talk frequently (not 24/7, but quite a bit), and are “good terms,” but I’m afraid I’m putting myself in the friend zone. I’m also well aware that we are not on the same page, and I know he thinks we are.
How do I restart the No Contact Rule at this point? I can’t help but think that if I suddenly just start ignoring him, he’d see it as me being a drama queen, and I’m not one for creating drama. I steer away from it at all costs, and I don’t want to give him reason to believe that I’m trying to manipulate him or that I’m cold-shouldering him because I’m angry. Wouldn’t that push him away? Is there any way to restart the No Contact Rule at this point?
Thanks so much!
Christina
admin
February 21, 2015 at 12:02 am
Hi there Christina!
Do me a massive favor and go here and record this for me… I want to feature it on the podcast.
Christina Nelson
February 21, 2015 at 3:18 am
Hi,
Okay will do. However, I’d really like some feedback on my question as well, it’s seriously stressing me out.
Thanks so much!
Christina 🙂
admin
February 22, 2015 at 4:34 pm
What question would you like feedback on specifically?
Christina Nelson
February 22, 2015 at 10:19 pm
Hi Chris,
Thanks so much! It’s not so much that I have a specific question but just want some insight on my situation and what to do. I guess my question is simply how to restart the No Contact Rule without coming off as manipulative or dramatic. Given that our relationship was more simple than intense (not all love-dovey), and both of us tend to steer clear of drama, I can guarantee that if I just stopped responding to him, he’d see it as me playing games and would probably back off. A good comparison might be Marshall and Lily from How I met Your Mother: more like best friends who really liked each other enough to date, but didn’t have many serious/deep talks, just cause they never came up. We like to keep things simple and fun, and I feel like suddenly shutting him out might throw him off a bit.
Thoughts?
Thanks so much,
Christina 🙂
Christina Nelson
February 21, 2015 at 6:20 pm
Hi Chris,
Just sent the recording. Hope it’s what you want!
Looking forward to hearing what you have to say on the subject.
Thanks so much for the insight!
Christina 🙂
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:09 pm
Thanks Christina!
I received it and will get to it this coming week sometime most likely.
cristin
February 20, 2015 at 10:53 am
My ex broke up with me and refused to even speak to me. I bought your ebook and followed the no contact rule and the rules for texting after nc is over. Happy to say we are hanging out tomorrow! Any tips for the first get together?
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:58 pm
Yes, HAVE FUN!
Seriously, smile a lot and have fun!
Great job btw.
Lynn
February 19, 2015 at 8:42 pm
We have been friends for 20 years. Nothing but just friends. Then at his birthday party (40) we end up clicking. We did a year and half of back and forth. One min he wanted more than he didn’t. We ended up just being friends (his choice). It wasn’t what I wanted, but I respected it. I dated someone else for a bit and it ended. We still kept in contact from time to time. He said he didnt want to be without me and was ready to make a real relationship. I jumped in with him. We were very happy. Thanksgiving I met all his family, had dinner with him and his friends. After Christmas he was acting less affectionate. I mentioned something.. and he said his head was out of sorts. THen he kept saying I should feel more for you than I do. I really didn’t understand. We had only been dating 5 months. I asked him if he wanted to end it, and kept saying he didn’t want to because it was too prepmature. That i was his perfect girl and he didn’t know why he felt more for me. I went through two months of living in limbo with him. Two weeks ago I sent him a text saying I missed him and the way things were. About 20 mins later he calls me to tell me that he thinks we should be just friends and he wasnt sure he was making a mistake and if he comes back and I don’t want him, I can tell him to go to hell. I was crying on the phone, he was crying. I asked him if he wanted me to come get my things at his place and he said whats the rush. He said he would be in contact. And there has been no contact from either of us. I have heard nothing, and not conacted him. I also deactivated my facebook account as well. What do you make out of all of this?
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:35 pm
Well, just stay in NC for the full 30 days and see where you are at after that.
Lost and Confused
February 19, 2015 at 4:33 am
Hi Chris,
I wanted to let you know, I have been reading your posts religiously and want to thank you for taking your time to write all of them. I was looking at the different kinds of guys you classify in “The Male Mind During NC”, and realized I don’t think my ex falls into those categories. To be honest, I don’t know how to read him. He has contacted me, the first time saying “hey” and the next time saying, “Hey, I dont want to bug you. But I hope you are having a great week and things are going well.” He has been so amicable during our break up, that I almost feel I should say, “Thanks, you too.” I know you are going to tell me to just continue on with the no contact. My only hesitation is because he has been so nice and caring of my feelings.
Thoughts?
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:12 pm
Well, lets figure out where to classify him.
Look at his actions. What are his actions saying?
Lost and confused
February 21, 2015 at 5:11 pm
To be honest. I think he feels guilty. Before he left the night we broke up, he said I hope you don’t hate me. I feel he’s just keeping me around to ease his pain. I feel I am already in the friend zone.
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:03 pm
Maybe you one up him and friendzone HIM!
Getting My Thoughts Together
February 18, 2015 at 7:13 pm
SO my ex and I met when we were in college…we are now 26 and 27. We’ve had some really good times, but we’ve also had some very bad ones. 7 months ago–he broke up with me because I can admit, I was being way too needy. I believe it steamed from the fact that he was cheating on me prior to. We however kept talking…I was pretty much his first everything. After we broke up the last time, he went away–overseas for about 3 weeks. The entire time he was there, he messaged me every other day about how he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me–even though we were broken up. When he came back to the states, he found out that he got a 2 yr position in another state–which meant he would be moving away. I helped him pack up his place and even offered to help him drive for a few days to his destination. Before we left though, some girl called his phone. When I asked him about it, he basically said that it was just someone he met when he was overseas–that it meant nothing and that as a man he sometimes gets weak! I didn’t want the trip to go badly so I cried about it but got over it. While he was away for 6 months, we talked etc and just vday i flew out to see him. He seemed really enthused and like he was happy to see me, but when i got there he was distant. It was awkward and we didn’t know how to act..he didn’t take me to see any of his friends, show me his hag out spots and he even snapped at me a few times…he said that he was just so stressed out…blah blah..i was getting the feeling that maybe he was stressed but also that he may be seeing someone else out there. I guess i shouldn’t care since we aren’t together–i just don’t get WHY you you agree to see me IF you were just going to revert back to behaving in a terrible manner. I must admit that I had my slip ups as well. Any advice here?? I’m going to implement the no contact starting this week, but do u think it’s worth it to even keep trying if we’ve been this way for 7 yrs?? Idk if he will ever change or want anything with me at this point. I feel like he’s holding on but slowly trying to free himself.
RL
February 17, 2015 at 10:58 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you for your insight. I have read multiple articles, posts, blogs, and other writings about NC and “getting your ex back.” Thus far, yours makes the most sense and seems to be the most logical. I have never been the type to even hope to get my ex back, nor have I ever had an ex try to come back – regardless of whether I implemented NC (it’s just something that doesn’t happen in my world). Anyhow, there is something that feels very different with this particular ex. I wish I could explain why, but I can’t.
So…this leads me to you.
I met my now ex through a mutual friend (who’s like a big brother to me) last September. When we met, he was in a relationship and I was just coming out of a semi-casual dating relationship. I had no expectations, but our personalities aligned in a way that made it very easy for us to open up to each other…very quickly. In fact, the night we met (at a bonfire), we ended up talking so much that we didn’t leave the beach until the next morning at 8am. Mind you, no mischief took place (just to be clear, my intentions of just friendship were quite genuine at that time). We ended up keeping in contact and a couple weeks later I told him that I didn’t think we could be friends because I was beginning to connect with him on a level that I deemed too deep for friendship, especially since he had a girlfriend. He understood and we ceased contact for a little over two days. He then reached out and asked if he could come over, he said he really needed to talk, so I agreed. He told me that he had ended it with his ex because he had been developing feelings for me as well. We agreed not to start anything immediately out of respect for his ex (I legitimately felt like an awful human being for a while) and to make sure that this is what we both really wanted. We became official two weeks later (which, I recognize, was still fast).
We were together for almost four months. Compared to all of my previous relationships, this one was incredibly healthy. We challenged each other in positive ways (specifically intellectually), we shared mutual interests and activities, we met each other’s families, we shared our fears and hopes, we shared our past hurts and relationship flaws, and we supported each other. To be fair, we weren’t perfect – no relationship is. I struggled with trust issues that stemmed from prior relationships (which was, and is, something that I am actively working on) and he struggled with feeling like I didn’t trust him. That is literally the only thing we ever had any sort of arguments about – and I’d be more inclined to call them discussions than arguments.
That brings me to now. A little over a week ago, he broke up with me saying that he wasn’t the man that he wanted to be and that he couldn’t become that man while in a relationship. He told me that he needed to be single. He told me he didn’t know if he was in love with me anymore. He cried. He apologized. He told me that I couldn’t have done anything more perfectly.
In all honesty, I heard everything he told me, but I don’t know if I can fully understand it. I didn’t argue or beg, but I did express to him that I love him and wish that it didn’t have to be this way, but also that I would respect his decision. And I have. I have kept NC from the moment he walked out my door, but it has been killing me. I care so deeply for him that I quite literally feel a pain in my chest. It has been 9 days now and he hasn’t made any attempts to talk to me (nor has he spoken to our mutual friend) and I have made zero attempts to contact him – I’ve even dropped off of social media, my accounts are still active, but I’ve been MIA (that’s more to keep me from cyber-stalking than it is some sort of ploy to get him to wonder).
All this to ask: Am I doing this NC thing right? Is there really a point to it?
Bonus question that you probably can’t answer, but my female mind wants to know so badly: What on earth is he doing or thinking about during NC (he’s the stubborn type)?
And, if nothing else, at least you’ve given me a place to word-vomit all of this out to. So, thanks for that!
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:38 pm
I think it is worth it.
You never know until you try and if you are scared to try you will always wonder.
Be more specific about what he is thinking during NC?
Kelly
February 17, 2015 at 10:37 pm
I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for two years. We are both married to others unhappily but choose to stay married because we are both scared to leave/upset children/lazy…whatever. Anyway, he’s now in the very sudden process of divorce because his wife is cheating and he’s finally had enough. In order to “deal with everything” he asked me to not contact him until further notice. And insisted this wasn’t a break up. His feelings were still the same and our future plans hadn’t changed. He just needs to deal with this on his own and end things with his wife without being a jerk and keeping things going with me. I can’t decide if this is admirable or selfish and if I’m mad or sad. Or both. Anyway, how do I deal with a self imposed NC with someone who insists we aren’t over yet everything feels like we are? Am I crazy for even wanting his call? Do I treat him like an ex when/if he reaches back?
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:34 pm
Aren’t you two cheating too?
I think he is worried that you might say something and ruin the divorce process with his wife…
Celeste
February 17, 2015 at 8:18 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up just over a month ago. It was an 8 month long, long distance relationship and then we moved in together for three months. He came to me. The entire relationship with absolutely beautiful for both of us. However, while he was here he realized he doesn’t want children (I have kids). I told him this was fine with me and we agreed to going back to our long distance relationship. But over this last month it has been very traumatic on me to come to terms with and he became much more cold and distant, wanting to talk a lot less. He showed a lot of anger toward me and said he had a lot of resentment. He felt defeated by love. Like, it was supposed to be this perfect thing and didn’t work out in the end. He says it has faded for him and he doesn’t want anything to do with any woman, and he doesn’t even know what we had. (This man was madly in love with me, I cannot fathom this to be true.) We were also the best of friends. His distance had me doing all the stupid things, calling, crying, missing him terribly. He told me a couple of days ago that we need to end all communication because it is the humane thing to do, he can’t keep watching me suffer. I asked to remain friends but he kept saying no. That we could never talk again. Today I am starting with the no contact at all and giving him wishes. He says that it is one sided now and that I am too sweet to be giving my love to someone like him, who is undeserving. He realizes he is very selfish and not good for anyone. I guess I’d like to know if he will ever call me again. For me, the love was so real and beautiful, I will wait for him.
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:36 pm
My money is on the fact that he will call you later down the road.
Celeste
February 19, 2015 at 4:55 pm
What advice do you give to women for the second time around? If he comes back, what do I do? I want to get it right. As much as I want him back, there is an underlying fear that he could do this again.
Thank you for all your info. Its very helpful and calming.
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:28 pm
Like, if you got him back already?
Celeste
February 21, 2015 at 9:38 pm
Yes. He hasn’t made any contact, this is just for future reference. I don’t know if I should answer the first call he makes or reply to the first email. The hurt is starting to fade and real disappointment in him is setting in. I don’t want to come off like I am overly eager to get him back if I respond instantly when he calls. I also don’t want the first call to be me saying bitter words. I’d like to just keep it basic. How many tries should a woman let him make? I hope you understand what I am asking.
Celeste
February 27, 2015 at 7:54 pm
He has begun emailing me. He is living 13 hours away. He did not mention anything about being together but does keep referencing things that he knows would pull at my heart. (Personal, special memories in regards to our relationship.) He seems to have a lot of regret but keeps wishing me well. I don’t know what to do with that. I have not replied. I’m not quite at my two week point of the 30 days. And I really just don’t know what to say. He doesn’t say I love you. If its possible for me to show you his email, which I think would explain a lot (its very well thought out), maybe you could help me better. Please let me know or email me. (I won’t send you endless email exchanges.)I just don’t feel comfortable posting it here. Thanks..
Praji
February 17, 2015 at 5:32 pm
Hi Chris,
When do I know that my ex boyfriend is back to me for good. I have been in a 10 year old relationship with my ex boyfriend. We had a great relationship but his family did not approve of it. He told me a year ago that he cannot marry me. I still kept in touch with him till I realised 2 months ago that I could not live with the insecurity of him being married to someone else. I wrote to him and stop being in touch with him. After 15 days he wrote to me that he wanted to speak. I was excited and agreed to speak to him. When we spoke, he only seeked support from me becoz he had not found another woman yet.
I stopped talking to him again, he wrote to me after a month that he wanted to meet me. I agreed. He said he could not commit to me but needs support again. My health is deteriorating and I have had a tough time to get over him everytime he comes back to my life. It’s like taking 10 steps forward and 20 steps back when I speak to him. Please help.
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:27 pm
Well I imagine that when he calls you his girlfriend and makes it offical is when you would know for sure.
Drea
February 17, 2015 at 2:23 pm
Dating this guy for about 7-8 months. I truly do care and love him. We’ve never told each other that we loved one another, it was just as though it was felt. We spent a lot of time together, the beginning was a little shaky because he was too nonchalant about our relationship.However, he had me meet all his family and friends, and would do little things for me to make me smile.
About two weeks ago we broke it off. It wasn’t anything nasty, just that we weren’t spending enough time together and it was stressing the both of us out. We tried to whole friends thing…but that didn’t go over well either. It was too confusing to me, I couldn’t be the same way towards him then be called just a friend. I feel too strongly for him.
Anyways Valentines day comes up. I tell him I wanted to spend my day with him. He refuses, says he doesn’t celebrate that day(never has and never will), and rudely tells me to find someone else to “sponsor” a date. We argued because my feelings were hurt, all I wanted was a romantic day on the beach and he played me out to be some gold digging ho.
Well ever since that day we haven’t spoken. I told him I loved him and always had and that I hope he finds a girl who makes him happy. its only been a week and he’s contacted me about 4 times. I want to respond, I don’t hate him, don’t want him to think I hate him. But Im just so curious to ask if he loves me? If he does, I’d want to work it out
But should I even ask or will I be setting myself up for failure since Ive been ignoring him for about a week.
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:19 pm
I think you should just finish out the NC for 30 days…
Marie
February 16, 2015 at 5:45 pm
Hi first of all thank you for all the information.
I broke up with my boyfriend last week because I didn’t feel he was taking our one year Relationship serious enough even though Itold him. I began the NC rule but four days later he sent me a long text apologizing, I didn’t respond and the next day he texted again saying that he couldn’t get me out of his life that easy and that he missed me,again I didn’t respond and about an hour later he called me twice back to back and left me a voice message saying he missed me and that he cared a lot about my well being and he loved me…. I am still doing the NC but am wondering what is going now in his mind since I’m not responding to him? I take care of me, go out spend time with friends and alone it hurts but I get by a day at a time.
Thanks for a response I know you get a lot of comments.
Ana
February 14, 2015 at 11:08 pm
Hello Chris,
So I am 18 days into no contact (technically 20 considering I accidentally pocket dialed him and once I noticed I quickly hung up, nevertheless I began again) and my guy decided he would enter into a no contact duel with me. I have been fighting my way through this whole NC thing and today I received a valentines day package and a card that has touched me on so many levels. I also received a text shortly there after of him wanting to confirm I received his gift and him acknowledging that he knows its not going to fix things and he hopes I am ok (btw I am pregnant with his child…) I’ve come this far and I don’t want to seem insensitive or give the impression I do not care. The truth of the matter is that I love this man so much and I broke up with him because I felt like he was taking me for granted not putting the same efforts into spending time with me (nor going to prenatal appts. with me, but experiencing everything vicariously through phone/text) he’s become so comfortable and way too relaxed. What would be the point in completing NC? Will this accomplish anything? do not get me wrong it has helped me to focus more on me. We have been together going on 4 years in April and the last thing I want to do is lose him.
Lissa
February 14, 2015 at 10:43 am
Dear writer,
Thank you for writing such a brilliant article!
I just wanted to ask you something.
A little background on my ex. He has clinical depression, it is quite serious cause he was suicidal at one point in his life (that was before we became a couple). We’ve been together for almost a year and just before our anniversary, he left without saying goodbye. I waited and waited thinking it was just another one of his episodes. Finally i decided that he had broken up with me without saying nothing so i said goodbye to him, along some other lines telling him how cruel he was out of the blue (cause we were just on a trip and it was really romantic and intense although we did fight a little which was normal) and how everything felt. (None of that he replied, just as i expected, so thats ok).
Oh yeah, he disappeared right after we came back from the trip. Didnt even reply my thanking him for everything.
Anyway it has been 3 months of no contact now, nothing then all of a sudden he texted me without any endearments or name or even a hey or hello, just simply asking, “What are you doing?”. I replied with what i was doing and asked “Are you ok?”. He replied with him being ok but tired. So i said “Oh I thought something happened to you.”
I didnt want to be rude to him so that was how i responded. But after that, he read it all but did not reply. Just disappeared.
What in the world just happened?? Why is he doing this? It hurts even more now cause i was on my way to healing & moving on and then this happened.
Pleaseee help me. Thank you so much in advance
admin
February 16, 2015 at 11:20 pm
You can call me Chris!
I think he just reached out to check up on you… I think you played it pretty good.
Are you wanting to win him back?
Ohsnap!
February 14, 2015 at 4:30 am
Here is my NO CONTACT story: I will keep this short, which means leaving out a lot of details. I was in ‘a relationship’ with someone who was very obviously attracted to me (not only to myself, but to everyone around us). I’ll explain the quotation marks in a minute. At one point we worked together. I think I kind of snuck up on him, meaning I don’t think he expected to be attracted to me for a number of reasons, but really was; we had tons in common; conversed easily; just really hit it off. But although I was attracted to him, I kept it on a platonic level. Why (and here is the explanation for the quotation marks)? Because he had a girlfriend; a girlfriend that was not happy with him being around me; not at work and not after he left. Now, I know people can be attracted to more than one person. It happens. And here is the kicker…I’m older than he is. But Rule #1…never be #2. So I suggested we end the relationship. He emailed me and said I meant a lot to him and didn’t want to. So I gave him one more chance to be definitive. He is in what psychiatrists call ‘a sliding relationship’ (Google it). Well he wound up ‘sliding into’ an engagement. For me, that’s it. So I sent a very well thought out email finally stopping it. And I know he is furious with me and stubborn. Perhaps he thought that because I am older that I should be grateful and accept any situation. Nope. First of all, why wouldn’t he be attracted to me? I’m smart, attractive, funny, well-traveled. I have my own life. And I am very comfortable with my No Contact decision. My thought is…if he really wants me, then he will contact me. And have a relationship where I am not a side girl but in a status that I deserve. If not, his loss. And I have already moved on. Not upset. Not sad. Don’t hate him. But my self respect demanded more. And I have a definite No Contact in place.
S
February 13, 2015 at 6:07 pm
Hey Chris, we have not broken up. But he ignored my texts, read them and didn’t reply. He was head over heels crazy about time when he met me 3 weeks ago. He became calm after sex. I was probably texting him more than he wanted to. Needy(??) And he was busy. So I am in NC since 3/days no word. I want him to reach out. Scared and miSs him. This is an affair. What shd I do…?? After nc? He was so passionate and now hasn’t messages me in 5 days.
Lisa
February 13, 2015 at 5:34 am
Has it been your experience that all Exe’s eventually miss you so much they reach out to you?
My relationship was the best I ever had. He treated me like a Queen, said he never thought he could feel the way he feels again until he met me. Gave me a promise ring for Christmas, went to all my Nieces and Nephew’s birthdays and gave them each a $20! Would bring me and all my Co workers breakfast just because! Told me he loved me all the time. We never had one single fight or problem. His Ex wife is getting remarried and he all of a sudden tells me he loves me but he can not be with me anymore because he has to be there for his kids who are having a hard time with everything.His boys are 16,19,22,and 23 and all live at home. He broke off the relationship over the phone and he said he does not want to ask me to wait for him to straighten things out because it is not fair to me! He told me it is too much stress on him to be able to be there for his boys and be there for me too! He basically wished me and my family blessings from God and that is it! We had a great weekend before this. He called me Sunday night to tell me good night and he loves me. He said Good morning Beautiful Monday morning and by mid afternoon Monday he was breaking up with me! I have not contacted him other than the day after the break up to get clarity and ask for a personal item back from his house that he was supposed to bring me Wednesday and has not done so! I have not contacted him since and I am going to commit to the NC rule, but does it really work on everyone?
sonya
February 12, 2015 at 8:07 pm
Hi Chris, please don’t judge. I am a 32 year old woman, married. I met a older married man(doesn’t look old) who is about 55. Looks like he is in his 40s. Has a busy job.so. we met and from the start, there was an overwhelming attraction between us. He started it by coming and seeing me and complimenting me about my beauty and what not. So we tried but it got out of hand quickly. He texted me a lot in the first few days for like hours and whole days and I replied. We thought it was going it hurt people but then decided it won’t because we both love our spouses. We just are passionate and we like each other as people. So texts were like this…I am enamored by who you are, I want to devour you. I am falling for you, need more of you. So it was sexual but at the same time he wanted to know all abt me. Same with me. We did briefly get scared and tried to call it off. But was hard. So…within a 2 weeks, we slept together. It was wow. He talked to me the next couple of days… N said he wanted more. I did too but we felt calm.he did sound scared of my need for affection and probably withdrew it a bit. I had made it clear that I won’t cheat just for sex. I like him don’t love him. But his withdrawal even normal.withdrawal because he cant keep texting me was a hard on me. So. Tuesday was the d day, till Friday he was texting n calling me baby… Called him on friday he saud he as busy. I needed to talk coz it was the first time i cheated and with him!!weekend he didn’t reply much to my texts..so u tried nv Monday but forgot n texted on Tuesday. Its been 48 hrs I am on NC. Hebdodny reply my Tuesday texts. Its v irritating but we haven’t broken up or parted ways. We don’t mean to be anything but friends with benefits. We do have affection for each other and extreme sexual attraction
I want him to call. I do not wish to contact him
But want him v much.o feel he got scared or annoyed by my neediness. (??) Of me needing to talk to him or trying to talk when he s busy or when he doesn’t feel as crazy as felt before. Abt me. He told me 3 days straight that he was absolutely crazy abt me….and what all he wanted n how much why do men do this. I was the one who was not sure. Anyway. Since its not a break up just something… Not texting etc. What kind of NC shd I follow…how to build attraction. Give me a game plan
Please do jot judge the cheating part. This is also a relationship. Love Sonya. Chris I am counting on you.
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:31 pm
And your husband has no idea?
I think part of the issue is that you are totally enamored with him… and sensing this he lost the fun out of it.
You need to be less available.
sonya
February 13, 2015 at 4:36 am
Hey..waiting on answer….
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:08 pm
Sorry I took the weekend off (you know, Valentines day and all…)
Mary
February 12, 2015 at 5:34 pm
This is awesome information, we just broke up a couple of days ago I was already tempted to txt him to let him know how he hurt me but now I truly understand how the NC rule is important for the whole month…. I was wondering if he was thinking about me as much as I do about him? I keep very busy but still have him on my mind…. I know deep down he cares but men can be complicated at times just like women….
Thank you
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:24 pm
Haha glad to have made a difference.