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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Helen

    December 18, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve been NC for 3 weeks now since the day of the break up where he said he didn’t feel the same way about me and he hasn’t contacted me. I don’t think he will, I’m not sure what to do. I think he’s gone NC on me because he thinks this is dead. Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 8:55 am

      hi Helen,

      if he got bored or lost attraction, are you improving yourself now? Were you clingy?

  2. Kate

    December 18, 2016 at 7:58 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me via text last Monday. We had been together a few months and we were great together. He had let me know that he has PTSD from time in Iraq and I accepted that and said that I wouldn’t give up when it showed up. Things were perfect. He talked about the future, things he wanted to do with me, plans that just instantly included me. He texted all day, and even got sad if I was busy. His friends loved me and said I was the only girl he’s been serious about in the years they’ve known him and they’d never seen him like that. They’d kick his butt if he screwed it up. He let me know why he’d never find someone like me again, how long he’d been looking, and that he refused to settle for less. He met my parents and they all got along incredibly well. We moved forward with him meeting my kids at his request, despite my gut feeling it was too soon. The first interaction was great. Then I started noticing some PTSD symptoms. He mentioned wanting to see someone for help. My son was diagnosed with asbergers literally three days after we broke up. When they met, he had a hard time connecting with my son, and seemed bummed that it was difficult. He also started getting upset and overwhelmed by noise, messes, and things out of his control. He became more distant, but let me know he was working on some things he knew he needed to fix and that how he felt about me hadn’t changed. He started acting suspicious, googled me, watched my chat times, got very upset when I forgot to tell him I sold a bottle of hated perfume on ebay. But we talked through it. We hosted a huge Thanksgiving meal for his marines that went really well, except for the mess giving him anxiety. My kids were tough for him at that point, so I limited their interaction from then on. He distanced more, started making statements that sounded like he wasn’t sure about us. I asked if he needed to be alone for a while and again, he said no, he wanted us to work. He planned on being with my family, who adore him, on Christmas, then taking me to Ohio for new years to see his old roomate. He also had dinner with a close friend who had been to Iraq with him. He had been saying he missed this friend and that he was the only person who understood what he’d been through. That dinner was when he stopped seeming like he wanted us to work. He had surgery a week and a half ago, and I went with him. He had to be non-weightbearing for two weeks, so I filled his freezer with frozen meals and we planned on me helping him survive two weeks of no activity (it made him anxious and frustrated just to think about bedrest). Surgery was great, and that evening he told me how much he appreciated me and how thankful he was for me. Then his 12 hour pain block wore off. We ended up having our first huge fight the next day. Something was wrong (I’m a nurse ) and he needed to call his surgeon. He made a half attempt, then left it for hours. Got mad when I pushed, and more mad when I said if he wasn’t going to take care of himself, I didn’t need to be there. He turned off, got very mean. The surgeon called and said he had to come in. He asked me to drive him. The doctor found his bandage had cut off circulation and compressed nerves. He changed it and we left. He took a nap while I finished up cooking frozen meals. He woke up cold as ice, told me he wanted me gone hours ago. I said ok and asked if we were breaking up. He said don’t be ridiculous, he needed space for a few days. I texted four days later to ask how his follow up went. He said great. Then texted he could tell he can’t make me happy and he was done. He listed traits I have never had, like he forgot who I am. I tried to reason, until he said he can’t do the kid thing. I said OK and left it alone. He immediately untagged himself from all pictures and deleted me from FB. I wrote an email I elected not to send, but accidentally sent it while trying to delete it (because not enough was already wrong. Stupid.). I texted once on Thursday to tell him I finally received my son’s diagnosis (we’d talked about the testing), and that the reason he couldn’t connect with him was the same reason none if us can. That other people’s kids would be easier. And that was it. Where we are feels so wrong. Breakups happen and I get sad, but this one is the first that makes me feel like…this isn’t supposed to be over. He stopped being social with our friends around Thanksgiving. Stopped being himself. Stopped being excited about anything. The holidays are also especially hard on him since he lost his mom to cancer a few years ago. I don’t know where my boyfriend went, but this isn’t him. He hates lies and manipulation, and prefers to talk things out even if they aren’t fun talks. We even had a conversation where we marveled at how stupid it is that people can’t break up like they care about each other. Our friends agree something is way off. We are all giving him space. I am not going to contact him, but I keep hoping my gut is right and he will wake up. I’m hoping there’s hope.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 8:46 am

      Hi Kate,

      yeah, let him go through this.. if you stay he might not realize he’s letting go if a good person if he doesn’t change

  3. Ghej

    December 18, 2016 at 11:29 am

    I met a guy in a party and from the first moment I felt I want him so at the end of party I asked his number. He gave and we start being togethr for a month. We both are working in abroad. He had a month mission then he would leave the country to back home but I still working in that country. So I knew it might be just one month thing. It was great time and ofcourse fast in everything because I thought we might never be able to meet again. After he left the country one of my friend sayd he has a 2 years gf. I knew we might never meet but it hurts bad because somehow in my brain I was thinking he is so honest but I was thinking I was played while during a month I was thinking he is amazing so I send him a msg and he confirmed he has a gf. There was no fight beacuse I am not naturally a foghting person so I just said goodbye and left. Next week he sent a very long email to tell me how mich he is sorry and he didnt say because he was afraid to lose me. A week later he broke up with his gf which I never asked and I was feeling shit for her also. But he insist he likes me alot . I gave him a chance so after 2 month he back to my country for 3 weeks to meet me. After a week I asked him does he think he is ready for another relationship and he said he doesnt know. And later on message he said he doesnt feel the same way he was feeling before about me and he doesnt want to hurt me bla bla. Again I accept and told him I understand because it is feeling and we cant force ourself to like eachother and I told him I don’t expect anything from him anymore. So for a week we have been together and having fun and sex ….and sayd goodbye very nicely. I never made it emotional. But fuck I like him so much. He left the country and he might back for another mission in a month. Though I like him very much but I dont want to be around and get to a friend with benefit situation. I prefer not to exist at all than being average. I dont insist to take him back but I just think he is doing mistake with doesnt give us a chance. Is there anything I should do? Plus I think maybe I should go away and give a chance to him and his ex …
    Thanks for your time

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 21, 2016 at 1:03 pm

      Hi Ghej,
      decide first what you really want.. do you want to try and win or do you want to give them a chance?

  4. Kirsten

    December 17, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    So me an my ex have been together for 3 years and I could not have been happier with him this last month though we have been arguing daily, and I got to where I would ignore him or smart off for no reason then just be mad the whole time, well I greatly regret that behavior because that is part of the reason he broke up with me. He said he needed space to think and hes tired of arguing all the time and nothing ever gets figured out. Also I told my friend that I never saw myself being with a guy like him (in an interracial relationship) i always saw myself with a country guy and stuff but I am happy with him and I do love him dearly, I also said that I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a mixed kid because he has one already and he makes it sound like so much work, and I have personally heard his family make fun of the childs mother for doing something wrong while taking care of their child because he is not just a normal white kid so I got scared mostly, my ex found this conversation and got really hurt by it and got very angry because he thought that I was saying I didn’t want to be with him and I don’t want to have a life with him or his mixed child. He asked for time away to think and I grew very impatient and ran him off basically, so now we are living together because we both signed a lease, but he has said some hurtful things in the past week and has said he don’t see us getting back together so lets just make the best out of having to live together. I started the NC rule yesterday and today is my birthday so this is very tough, but I am hoping that maybe since I wasn’t giving him space before and I became very needy that he felt if he broke up with me I would back up and give him space finally, so maybe all he needs is this time and maybe he still wants to work it out with me.
    I don’t know what to do now so any advice would be helpful, right now my game plan is the NC for 30 days then I might try to ask to sit down with him and apologize for the hurtful words and explain why I said what I said, if this is a bad idea please HELP!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 21, 2016 at 12:32 am

      Hi Kirsten,

      Check this one:
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

  5. Taryn

    December 15, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Hi, I hope you can help! My ex and I were together for just over a year, by the time we broke up we were looking for houses to move into together. We often talked about babies and marriage and our future lives together (we’re both in our 30s and wanted the same things out of life). About 8 months into our relationship we started arguing a lot. We struggled to see eye to eye on almost anything. We would both acknowledge how much we loved each other but we couldn’t seem to make it work. He could also be pretty verbally mean if he was upset. So after about 14 months we both said we’d had enough and that we wanted to split up.

    I quickly changed my mind. We then spent about 4-5 months with me telling him how much I wanted to be together again, and him telling me he didn’t know what he wanted (he didn’t want to lose me forever, but he didn’t see how it could work). We hung out together a lot as friends during that time, went out for dinner, walked the dog, were in daily contact etc. I brought that to a head by telling him it couldn’t carry on like that forever, he either needed to decide that he definitely wanted to try again (even if he didn’t know whether it would work or not) or we go our separate ways. He said he was sorry, he still loved me but he just didn’t think it was possible to get back to when we were free and happy together, too much had happened.

    We didn’t talk for a week and then he came round mine to drop some stuff off and we had a chat. He told me he was sorry, he didn’t like to see me upset (I couldn’t help crying), he still loved me but wasn’t in love with me any more, he thought we would be happier with other people, he wished we could go back to when we were happy, he missed me every day, but he didn’t want to try again. I kept telling him I just didn’t understand WHY he wouldn’t even try!! If he still loves me and wishes it would work, but just doesn’t see how it can, why won’t he even just give it a go?! He said that unless he thinks it can work he can’t try and he doesn’t. He wanted to stay friends but I said to him that was ridiculous, neither of us would be ok with knowing the other was getting with other people and he agreed – but still wanted to be friends!

    So mainly for my own sanity and recovery purposes I decided to start NC. Of course I’m still in love with the guy tho! He texted me today on day 9 to ask me if an extra charger he found at his house was mine.

    Is there any chance that NC will get this guy back to wanting to be with me or should I just accept that it’s totally done with? If it’s all over then I’m quite happy to keep ignoring him coz it’s what I need to get over him. But if I want him back the main thing I’m worried about with ignoring him is that he’ll get angry at me. It’s coming up to Christmas and if he messages me to wish me a Happy Christmas/ New Year and I don’t reply, that’s rude!! I’d completely understand him telling me to sod off when I contact him after 30 days…5th Jan!!

    What do you think the outlook is here and what should I do?!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 16, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      Hi Taryn,

      you already told him you dont want to be friends because you cant, if he gets angry, he’ll probably remember that and respect your space. He lost attraction with you, you kept chasing for months and so him wanting to talk to you is because he’s used to talk to you..

      If you want a higher chance of him being attracted again.. Aim to be the ungettable girl, make it seem you’re moving on and not chasing anymore and improve massively. You need to do at least 45 days..

  6. Nikki

    December 15, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    Hi I was in a 4-year relationship until yesterday, he decided to break up with me. He has told me that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and that he doesn’t feel happy with me and that he wants both of us to focus on our career. He said that as of now his feelings will not change and that he has made his decision. We had just gone into an amazing trip last week and I must say that that trip was really fun for the both of us. We had even talked about having more trips like that. Then we suddenly get into a huge fight a week after that which I must admit was mostly my fault due to pms and stress from work. I really want to get back with him (I still have high hopes of us working things out but right now he doesn’t want to talk to me and has been very limited when I start a convo) and I know NC will suck but I will give it a try but I’m not sure if it’ll work. Please help!! I need advice! Is it alright that I also start the NC the next day of our breakup? (On the day we broke up I had really seemed desperate towards him but then I came across this and thought it out) Would it help? I need your advice please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 16, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      Hi Nikki,

      there’s no guarantee that it will work, but it is good that you started it right away.. It’s a chance for both of you to cool down and think and for you to focus in yourself

  7. KATY

    December 15, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    i need some help please. I begin no contact with my bf because he has been very rude to me ..he went for a holiday and gave me silent treatment for 7 days without checking and responding to my msgs whereas he responded to others msgs. Plus over the last many months he has been rude to me on and off.. will tell me to goto hell over little silly things and then not take my calls for few days or answer my msgs. I in in day 13 of no contact. He sent me msgs on day 2 , day 5 and day 9. He deleted msgs today from day 9. I have not responded or seen the msgs.. they are hidden viber chats. Shall i respond since i am worried he deleted the msgs he sent last?

    1. katy

      December 19, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      Thanks Amor. i am trying to move on too .. but i think of him so much.
      We have been together for 7 years and its hard for me to forget him so easily.
      Shall i continue the NC till 30 days?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 12:12 pm

      why would you cut it short?

    3. katy

      December 16, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      Also should i be worried that he deleted msgs he sent to me last?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 19, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      hmm I understand your reason but the downside to that is that you’re doing it for him, not for you. If you’re doing it for yourself because you know you shouldn’t be treated the way he treated you, even if he gets angry, you wouldn’t get that much affected. He will really probably get angry, since he’s used to you chasing, asking why he’s not replying. So, when he misses that attention and you start to ignore him, there’s a chance that unintentionally he will get angry to try to get a reaction..

    5. katy

      December 16, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      I am doing no contact hoping he can realize how it feels when he gives me silent treatment all the time. He hangs up.. gives me ultimatums.. and usually its just when i asking for him time to see him or meet him.. he gets frustrated and says iam applying too much pressure. i have not been able to stop thinking about him during NC.. i fear if i continue the NC he gets stubborn and angry and doesn’t ever contact me again. i am meeting friends and trying to keep busy.. but its been really tough. thanks for your help.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 16, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      Hi Katy,

      nope..dont respond and also are you actively improving yourself? And are you doing nc for him to change or for you to take a break and think things through.

  8. Keira Sullivan

    December 14, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    So, I am so confused. My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. I implemented no contact around 12 days ago. This morning, when he knew I would be home possibly walking my dog he drove by my place. There had to be intention to do such a thing. You cant drive through my complex to get anywhere. I saw him from my patio. He did not see that I saw him. He hasn’t tried to reach out to me via text or phone. So, why go as far as drive by my place?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 9:49 am

      Hi Keira,

      That’s a good sign..that means he misses you

  9. joanne

    December 14, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    what if he said he doesn’t want a relationship anymore?(not with me, in general) and he already found some other girls to talk to

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 2:50 am

      Hi Joanne,

      either he’s lying or he’s not serious with the new girl

  10. Lily

    December 13, 2016 at 2:53 am

    I think my boyfriend is in the clueless category. We broke up over too many arguments about him working seven days per week and I was getting upset because I was scared of our relationship failing due to no bonding time (we had a relationship for 18 months and lived together for 14 of those). He is so busy currently working and saving money for his visa so he can stay in Aus. 6 weeks after the break up I lashed out at him a bit, and his response was ā€œwhy keep talking like this? Already finished relationship two months agoā€ (it was actually only 6 weeks). So I told him that I still felt just as bad at this time as within the first week. I started no contact 11 days ago. He has not contacted me, and even before I started no contact I would always be the one to initiate conversation with him. I feel like he is just going on with his life totally clueless of how I am feeling and I am scared that he is not thinking about me at all. I feel like no contact is making me miss him even more, and am worried that no contact is actually helping him get over me even faster. He still has all our couples photos on his facebook. Im not really sure why he hasnt taken them down, but my guess is he is just complacent about everything and doesnt think about it yet. Have you got any advice? I feel so painful these days even though I have been exercising, meeting my friends and following all the advice in the ex boyfriend recovery pro.
    Also I forgot to say in my previous comment that he was the one that broke up with me

    1. Lily

      January 6, 2017 at 11:54 am

      Just thought Id put an update here just in case it can help someone see some light even though they may be feeling hopeless… so since the previous time I managed to get through no contact for 15 days. I was feeling so positive and proud of myself and then my lovley cat of 15 years who had been with me through thick and thin suddenly died. I was devastated and it sent me right back to the emotional wreck I was when we first broke up. So i contacted him, and he did call to see if I was okay. Then two days later after crying my eyes out all day I asked him to meet as friends for a coffee or a beer and he refused saying he was too busy. I was so upset and felt so angry and abandoned. After this I decided to just accept the break up and move on. I felt he wasnt caring enough and even though I still miss him and care for him I realise at this time we are not on the same wave length. Still feeling crap about everything and desperately not wanting to be alone on xmas eve I went out and had some drinks with a friend. I met someone that night and we have been dating since. I feel so much happier now. It was only four months ago that my ex and I split, initially I felt it was too soon to date again and didnt want to fall into a rebound trap, but the more I get to know this new man the more I start to feel like what I have now with him is better than what I could have hoped for by chasing my ex. I hope this can help someone. I know the thought of dating someone new is almost inconceivable when all you can think about is your ex but keep your heart open

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 3:06 pm

      I’m sorry about your cat. I think that means, if you can, open your heart to a one in need by rescuing šŸ™‚ Im happy you opened your heart to another person. Make good memories!

    3. Lily

      December 15, 2016 at 2:16 am

      Thanks Amor. I will try contacting him again after the 30 days and hopefully he will miss me and be more open hearted to me after some time.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 10:55 am

      You’re welcome! Be active during and after nc.. Especially during nc because it’s only a short time that you only focus in yourself only

    5. Lily

      December 14, 2016 at 3:23 am

      Also he said to me in the first week after the break up when he was going through his angry stage that he will never change his mind about breaking up, and that he has no feeling for me anymore. He said he is too tired of arguments

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 1:42 am

      Hi Lily,

      that means he really has to see you’ve changed first. Because he has already related you to negativity. Right now, it sounds like he doesn’t want the past relationship anymore, he has moved on from it. So, take this as a restart.

    7. Lily

      December 14, 2016 at 2:52 am

      Hi Amor, thanks for getting back to me. He used to have one or two days off until July this year, and then it became he was working every single day. We lived together and we had a big argument and he broke up and moved out that day on the 15th of October. I did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded, said sorry, blamed myself, wrote a big long letter etc. At the start he would not talk to me at all. Then a week later he would reply but quite angrily. After about two or three weeks he became more polite, and we had to talk about him collecting his things. After that if I messaged him to ask how he was doing he would respond and be polite, and even include some smiley face emoticon. But then I became frustrated that I was the only one initiating contact and never once had he asked how I was doing, so that’s when I started no contact. There was also a day just a few days before I initiated no contact where he came to get some things he left at my place, and I tried to talk to him about his life and visa to see how he was going, and I could tell he couldnt get away from me fast enough. His facial expression and his body language hurt me so much, like I was his enemy or something

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Lily,

      I want to clear some things first, so when you broke up, you still lived together? And after the break up, you’re the only initiating texts, how was he responding? It looks like you chased him and didn’t work right? How long was he working full time before?

  11. ERIKA

    December 12, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    Please help!!! my boyfriend broke up with me last Wednesday, we had 1 year and 8 months together and spent 6 months in a long distance relationship he went to work for a year in another country and i was traveling every once in a month, i was about to travel for christmas and now he suddenly told me that for weeks he hasn’t had any feelings for me and stop having that sparkle of contacting me so he broke up with me. I beg him the next day for a second change, to re think and believe that we were true love and he told me that the distance was harder and he wanted to be alone. So i started from friday the NC turning off my phone, deleting my Facebook and really no contact…. Is this really going to work even he told me he doesn’t have any feelings for me?? It was so surprising because he was telling me i love you in morning and the he told me it was forced to say it šŸ™ I am so heart broken PLEASEEEE HELP ME

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      Hi Erika,

      There’s no guarantee the the no contact rule will work, but after a week, it would be better if you open your social media account again, and start being active in your life and in posting. Check this:
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

  12. Julia

    December 8, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 month. Last thursday we got into a fight. I told him that sometimes I feel insecure in the relationship, because he hasnĀ“t met any of my friends yet and because of past experiences. He got really upset and told me that he doesnĀ“t of if this is right anymore if he treated me so badly. I told him I am sorry but we hang up and he was in a bad mood. Friday he called and suggested that we meet up saturday to talk. I asked him what it was about. He told me that he just wants to discuss 2-3 things and that he wouldnĀ“t throw away a relationship because of one fight. Saturday 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet he canceled on me with a text, saying that he is sorry but he just canĀ“t, that he is confused and he is not clear about if he sees a future for us. That he is said, but he cannot get that thought out of his head. We texted a little and he said that he would write to me the next day. I asked him if he wants to break up with me. and that was my last question. He hasnĀ“t answered yet. It is like he dissapeared completely. I wrote one text on monday in a weak moment, but that was it. I havenĀ“t heard anythinng and I am going crazy and donĀ“t know what to do. We still have stuff from eachother keys etc..I donĀ“t know if he broke up, if he needs a break. I donĀ“t what to do? No contact rule? I have no idea what is going on…thanks for you help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 1:47 pm

      Hi Julia,

      check this one:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know Itā€™s Coming

  13. DANIELLA

    December 8, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    hi so ill keep my situation brief.

    i met this guy who i liked from the moment i met him. we both came out of seeing other ppl and spent 14 days together not physical though. there was alot of attraction.

    we came to terms that neither one of us wanted to go into a another relationship.

    anyway we started hooking up and we called it casual. the chemistry between us was pretty intense and started seeing eachother everyday.

    that is nothing we spoke everyday since we met . all day.

    last two weeks i heard his ex sent him a nude picture and i was rather distrubed and his moved away so it put strain i suppose and his choice of not having a relationship even more. lets assume this is the real reason or the fact he was getting what he wanted and more so why commit?

    i started the NC after a little fight in which i barely engaged in . i asked him if we should take a break as we not talking the same as before.

    he started going off asking me not to involve me in every detail of his life. so i agreed and said keep well.

    which actually upset him even more.

    once agian asking if i can be a normal friend to him.

    he mentioned that he didnt want to be physical again. but he said that every time until we became ‘friends’ again.

    i have to repeat we did not in any way have a friendship .

    he expressed he had deep caring feelings for me. and that he loves me and he just has to figure what love that is.

    anyway , we going onto day 2 and i put up a picture of a guy friend and i .

    he sent a snarky ‘hahahah is that your new boyfriend?’

    its obvious that it sparked something in him. note thats a jealous way to ask and of course he cares enough to know.

    im doing this for the first time but i have always heard about it. i am actuallu happy to work on myself and i am going to the gym.

    i am doing this because the last two years after failing miserably from my serious relationship that a guy is not going to get the better of my emotions. I am confident that he will contact me, however winning him to see i am this strong woman whose set aaside from his previous relationships . I am not sure if his feelings will increase.

    i partly doubt myself.

    i do care about him alot and would like to take it out of the stagnation and bickering spot we stuck in.

    hens why i have opted for this.

    look forward to hearing your view please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 1:40 pm

      Hi Daniella,

      That’s good that you know what to do. After nc, take it slow. This time, start with just being friends. Don’t be friends with benefits.

  14. Pat

    December 8, 2016 at 1:27 am

    (sorry for my grammar) My ex boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. He is actually special to me. He is actually a nice person. We were both happy from the beginning, well I think? We’ve been together for almost 6 months. I am a quiet girl, and I’m not good at socializing, and he knows it. I think I did my best to be a good girlfriend. I am always the one who travels long distance to be with him, I am the one who always spend money during our date which is not really a big deal to me because he doesn’t have that much money. I’m fine with it. I know we both have our own lives. I let him hangout with his friends whenever he wants. I understand that sometimes he’s busy playing in the band at small concerts. For short, he’s free to do what he wants. I still study in college so we only talked when I get home everyday. One day, when we were together, I gave my virginity which is really important to me. I gave it to him because he’s that special. But in the end, I think I regret it because everything changed. I become his less priority, he chose to spend times with others more than me, whenever I get mad, he is also mad and he won’t talk to me to solve our problems. He is less interested in me when I introduced him to my family. Few days have passed, his coldness bothers me so I confronted him about it. Then I was shocked when he told me “he doesn’t love me that much anymore.” This broke my heart but I didn’t show him that. I actually thanked him for being honest and I apologized for bothering him for all the pressure. I ask him what is the reason, he told me he didn’t know why. He just said it was his fault, his love for me just faded. I know there is a reason, I know I did something, but I didn’t force him to tell me. I just let him go and it hurts. I kept asking myself where did I go wrong. I accept if he doesn’t comeback anymore. But I wanna know, is there hope for this? It’s been 18 days since i stopped talking to him, I didn’t unfriend him on facebook. We can still talk without bitterness, but I chose to just stop talking to him. Do you think no contact rule will work for my situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 11:44 am

      Hi Pat,

      There’s not guarantee that it will work. But you did too much, invested too much when he isn’t. In a relationship, don’t invest everything all at once. Take it slow and see if the other person is investing too. You always spend for dates, which is ok if it’s ok with you, but not ok in a relationship. It takes two to make it work. You became the chaser in the relationship. If you want, start the count of the no contact rule after this and then focus in healing and improving yourself and then take it slow after nc.

  15. Andrea

    December 6, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    Hello,

    This article really helped me make sense of what happened between my ex and I. He broke up with me about a week ago. We dated about 5 months

    Well long story short we had a great relationship, hardly argued, and had a keen sense of understanding one another. I’ve been introduced to family members and friends. We made vacation plans and future plans together. He constantly told me he loves me and kept up with his commitments.

    The breakup was abrupt and came out of nowhere for reasons I don’t really understand. We were having breakfast that morning and he kissed me before work. Later that night he face times me and dumps me sobbing uncontrollably. He told me he was happy but he always felt I was too introverted and in the long run it will ruin our relationship and that he can’t ask me to change. I’m not too interested in understanding why anymore, I’m sure he had a real reason that he might not tell me.

    Anyways I still love and care for him deeply. I think he got freaked out cause that same day he gave me a drawer to leave my things and we finalized our vacation plans and made plans to meet his mom. I want to give him space and initiate the NC rule. I hope that he comes to his senses and comes back to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      HI Andrea,

      Yeah, If you didn’t start improving yourself yet, restart the count now, and do 21 days.

  16. JENNY

    December 5, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    My ex doesn’t fall into any of these categories. He broke up with me out of the blue, I did nothing wrong. I implemented NC rule. He hasnĀ“t spoken or texted me in 3 months since we broke up, what does this mean? No chance to get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 8, 2016 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      How long was the relationship? In your own assumptions or ideas, why do you think he broke up with you? HOw old are you both? Honestly, it’s a small chance that he would initiate to get back together, since it’s has already been 3 months. How much did you improve during those 3 months?

  17. Sarah

    December 5, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    Hello
    I dated this guy for about 8 months although he never claimed me as his girlfriend as he had commitment issues, we did everything couples did and acted like one. Two months ago , i thought we were in a really good place, we seemed happy and into each other and out of the blue, he calls me and says he had been stringing along and wanted a breakup. He texted five after the break up i didn’t reply because i was so hurt. He hasn’t reached out me ever since then and neither have I. Its been two months since the break up, i still miss him so much. i secretly want him to want me back and fight for me. Do you think he would still reach out to me/want me back or i should just move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      to be honest, it’s been two months. If he didn’t make it official before, it’s unlikely that he would chase now. If you want, you can still try the no contact rule. You may not have talked but, it was not focused in improving yourself.

  18. Sheena

    December 5, 2016 at 7:07 am

    THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I HAVE REALLY GOOD NEWS- i got my previous bf using your methods twice till i realized there was no future after trying it for 10 years. I thought I had no hope with my previous bf because of all the horrible things he said and did to me when he broke up with me.

    Then I met this new guy-

    We had THE BEST 1 year long relationship. We spent every day together. We were both happy. He spent a lot of his time and money on me by taking me on expensive vacations. He changed his work schedule to spend 12 hours with me everyday. We never had a single fight. He wasnt that good in bed so i started to reject his advances in bed only to make him change his ways instead of talking to him directly. I did that more around 3 months. For 3 months we werent being that intimate. The last time he tried to be intimate with me, i really rejected him badly. Next day he broke up with me saying we are not right for each other and deleted me everywhere. He wouldnt even talk to me. He said its not because of sex. i love him and i never really had an open conversation with him about this because i didnt want to hurt him about the same. i guess he figured.

    I am very attractive so I get overwhelming amount of guy attention. So he had trouble trusting me. he always thought i was chatting with other guys when i was not. He never asked me about it directly so i didnt think it was that big of a problem. the night before we broke up i found him snooping on my phone. he deleted me on facebook. he blocked me on whatsapp and his phone.

    i feel frustrated because this is so stupid. it’s a fixable problem. He should hv spoken to me about it. we had a really good relationship. he told me how happy i made him every singe day. he was hinting at marriage and kids. The day he broke up with me he behaved like a cold hearted emotionless person.

    He also said he NEVER takes an ex back. He changes his mind all the time about other things, so i’m not sure here. He is a very strong willed smart guy. He over thinks and over reacts.

    It’s been a week since our breakup. I tried talking to him the day we broke up but he was too stubborn to hear anything. He wouldnt even give me a real reason of why he broke up with me. I have been in NC since then.

    what are my chances here? šŸ™

    1. Sheena

      January 10, 2017 at 3:26 am

      I sent him an email to reassure my love for him and then gave him a week. He hesitantly reached out to me after a few days of receiving that email.

      We are back together. It is better than ever. Thank you all so much.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      that’s great! Congratulations!

    3. Sheena

      December 17, 2016 at 6:39 am

      I think you guys are doing an incredibly good job with this website. Chris has the most realistic, warm and positive content.

      Right now I want to remain anonymous but once him and I get back, I’d like to thank you all by helping your business reach more people who need help. I think there is a lot of BS advise out there that people need to stay away from.

      My boyfriend(ex?) and I are very sharp business people(I dont want to announce our real names right now). If you ever need help with your business, please reach out to me on my email. I am very thankful for your work, and I would like to give back by offering my help in growing your business(for free).

      So much love.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2016 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you for that Sheena.. I’ll forward that to Chris šŸ™‚

      If he just thinks you dont love him.. I think one week is enough to just let him cool down and then explain either in person or in text, assure and tell him that you love him, you would understand if he still doesn’t want to take you back.. You’re just saying your side for peace of mind but you’re hoping for his understanding too for time for yourself, so you can move on if he really decides not to try again.. Wait a week for his reply. If he doesn’t, then start the count of nc after that week of waiting..

    5. Sheena

      December 17, 2016 at 6:18 am

      On Sunday, the rescheduled because of work and then on monday he cancelled last minute saying he needs more time before he can see me again. I don’t know what else to do other than wait for him while I focus on my work.

      Yesterday(5 days after), I texted him a something non threatening. He responded positively.

      He told his family he didn’t think I loved him, so he broke up with me before i would break up with him. He is acting like I broke up with him. I love him so much but he can be an oversensitive overthinking idiot. i dont want to lose him over this. I wish I had made him feel more secure.

      Please advise.

    6. Sheena

      December 11, 2016 at 12:26 pm

      he unblocked me and asked me to see him tomorrow. he still seems distant. i dont know what to expect. he is stubborn as hell and doesnt like to waste time so i guess its a good sign that he texted. i am still in NC. I havent replied to him.

      What should i do?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 11:19 pm

      how did it go Sheena?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Hi Sheena,

      if he didn’t find anything in your phone, and it’s just his ego, just let him cool down.. Let’s hope he realizes during nc, that you didn’t do anything wrong.

  19. Laura

    December 4, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Hi. I have been doing the nc rule for 12 days now. He still hasn’t contacted me yet..we were together for 4 years. Not saying it was the best of 4 yrs, like every relationship we definitely had our ups & downs .. but this 1 argument, I definitely crossed the line. I got so caught up in my insecurities and just holding them in for so long, I said some pretty nasty things to him during that argument. He has given me prior warnings months before if I continued with my insecurities, something drastic is going to happen. I didn’t take him as serious as I should of. I pressed to many buttons and I see now the mistakes I made. Ever since then, he has asked for space. It was a good month of me trying to convince him to let me come back, I apologized countless times in person, texts, emails & even a letter! I even sent him flowers (which I may add were the most expensive I ever bought (70$) & not even including the delivery fee’s). He’s made it clear he just wanted space & that my insecurities were just to much. I never gave him the space he needed..every weekend for 4 weeks I would ask him if he wanted to get together & talk or to hang out. He always had an excuse not to. I just found myself becoming desperate. Ugh it wasn’t a good feeling that’s for sure..I said all that I could to him & it felt like whatever I said wasn’t good enough. I also blocked him off Facebook. On & off I did that and he’s expressed during our breakup that he doesn’t like that or me blocking his texts on my cell. But I couldn’t help it..I wanted him to see like..hey I’m gonna block u and I don’t care. But I always end up unblocking him & I would get a text a couple hours later on my iPhone from him saying “hey thanks for unblocking me, I noticed and it really sucked that you did that.” I made up some really lame excuse of why I did it then bam. He would go back to not responding for hours or even days.Ugh the anticipation of waiting to hear from him sucked. So finally one day I asked him, “hey could I call you after work?” 1,2, and 3 hours passed…still nothing. Then I got impatient & said “well if your just gonna reject my offer to call it doesn’t take 3 hours to do!” Before when we were together he would always respond, regardless if he was swamped with work or not. Three minutes later he said “oh sorry I’m super busy.” Then bam I blocked him on Facebook. Not that we were even friends on fb.. but its been 21 days since I have blocked him..12 days of nc rule. It’s soo hard! I feel like..if I do unblock him..he just might text me. But I know he’ll definitely notice if I do. But I already know I want to keep the nc rule going regardless if he does or not. It just sucks he hasn’t said anything yet. And I realize now, I am finally giving him his space he wanted. And I do find myself doing other things that I enjoy myself. This break up has been really hard on me. And this time he initiated it. (The last 2 times it was me..) and he knows it too. And even when when we were texting not to long ago he had a cocky attitude with me. Like “oh I thought you’d be happy to be texting me” (after 1 sad wkend of him barely talking to me) and I said “oh I’m kinda busy atm” (which I actually was) and he was like “oh well f^*k it the LOL”. Like it was a gift for him to be texting me & my loss of not accepting it. And ugh that hurt..so its just been alot of raw emotions here and there. But I feel like if I can quit smoking & drinking on my own (going strong 2 years) and I was doing those longer than being in my relationship with him, then I can overcome come this on my own right? I don’t know I’m bouncing from topic to topic here. But I just had to share after reading alot of articles & such..what do u think I should do. Or suggest I should do or try..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      Hi Laura,

      be independent, have your own life.. Aim for that during the no contact rule, so you will maintain that new routine even after no contact rule.. Check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  20. JS

    December 3, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    Hi, youā€™re website is so helpful. Thank you for all your work!

    I need major advice how to move forward! Be warned, my situation is a bit longā€¦. My bf has low self-esteem from his past which gave him major jealousy and insecurity issues. He also can get very depressed and beat himself down. We dated for about 6 months and it was very passionate and intense, there was much love and a deep connection on all levelsā€¦ sexually, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

    I inadvertently added fuel to his insecurity and pain, because I once said something positive about my ex-husband early on in our relationship that was misintepreted and my bf took it to mean I didnā€™t think he was an amazing person or that I desired him the most. He became jealous of my ex-husband. I also one day while with I was with him I responded to a text from a guy I had previously dated. He asked me if iā€™d slept with that person before I met him and I lied and said no because I was afraid of what heā€™d think. When I later told him the truth, that I had slept with this person (mind you it was before we met) he flipped out and lost all trust in me. I apologized profusely but he didnā€™t seem to accept it.

    He tried to hold on, but his insecurity grew to the point where he was uncomfortable going out in public with me for fear I was looking at other men or thought he wasnā€™t ā€œthe one”. There were many accusations and fights all rooted in his jealousy but I NEVER once betrayed him. I feel he is an amazing and beautiful person and I am deeply in love with him.

    At 7 months he said he needed space to work on himself. Kept saying he was not worthy, wasnā€™t relationship material because of his issues, and needed to resolve some personal situations from his past (family and ex-gf with child). He told me he couldnā€™t be devoted to me, or relied upon, and that we were not together anymore.

    I tried to give him space, but I was heartbroken, we both broke the NC rule many times including being physicalā€¦ then he started getting really evasive hiding his phone and any personal details of his whereabouts, making new friends Iā€™d never heard of before and I started getting suspicious. Turns out he had begun sleeping with someone else after we broke up. I found out by seeing texts between them on his phone. He said he wasnā€™t with anyone else and denied it at first. I freaked out calling him a cheater and a liar and threw him out of my house. He later said it was true he was seeing someone but it was just physical and also he didnā€™t feel it was cheating since we were broken up. He said he didnā€™t owe me any explanation because we werenā€™t an official couple anymore.

    I was utterly devastated and so I did horrible things, sent him a barrage of emails and texts and FB messages that he wasnā€™t a good person, he was unstable with low morals, and a liar for not telling me he was with another. I also lied in an email and said Iā€™d slept with another (to make him jealous)ā€¦ I also insulted parts of his body and really damaged his self-worth and feeling of security of about what I truly thought of him. None of the mean things I said were in any way true, I was just so incredibly blinded by anger and fear that I was losing him and that heā€™d been with another. It was the lowest thing Iā€™d ever done in my life.

    He then left the area for about two weeks to take care of personal things and said goodbye. We had NC during this timeā€¦ but on his way back to town he texted that he missed me and knew he loved me. We talked a lot and tried to resolve things. He apologized for being with another woman and I accepted his apology. I apologized for my anger and previous behavior but I donā€™t think he fully accepted it.

    We then got back together I thought things were going well. Then he started getting depressed and the cycle of fear started again. He said he felt he couldnā€™t be relied upon because he wasnā€™t worthy, couldnā€™t support anyone – family friends or me, and felt suffocated and in fear in relationships, and that my love wasnā€™t true for him.

    Arguments started again about jealousy of others (that didnā€™t exist) and the push and pull pattern began again – heā€™d say ā€œI love you” with real passion and then the next day ā€œI canā€™t do this”. It was a rollercoaster. During all this I made the mistake of trying to defend and got angry for being accused and also walked on eggshells choosing my words carefully so as not to damage his pride or ego. I knew he loved me and was struggling inside to find self-worth and security and I was trying everyday I could to show him I could be trusted and that I was devoted to him.

    Then something really bad happened. He re-opened his FB account and sitting there waiting for him were some of the old angry messages Iā€™d sent months ago where Iā€™d lashed out and insulted him. It brought everything racing back up inside him ā€¦ he got very depressed and stressed and angry at me that I could have ever said those things. There were many arguments. I explained that I sent them because of my fear and anger that heā€™d lied and that none of it was true and it was in the past! But heā€™d totally lost all confidence in my words and wouldnā€™t accept my remorse or apology.

    He said again ā€œI need space to work on myself and my anger” but after one week I broke the NC rule and pushed him and said to just break up with me if he didnā€™t love me. I was frustrated to be in the gray area. Many phone calls and texts between us I kept pushing him until finally he said ā€œOk then we are broken up, I canā€™t do it goodbyeā€.

    Yet, I still didnā€™t give him spaceā€¦. For about 3 days I kept fighting for him and reminded him of how great he is and our amazing connection and times together, begged him not to leave, and to see that I really did love him and that Iā€™d never betray him. I humiliated myself, kept sending messages and calling, apologizing, pleading, cried..and so on. After 3 days heā€™s stopped responding to all my contact. I know I pressured him too hard to stay in it and fight for us, until he broke.

    So today is day 4 and I am determined to do the NC rule and take time for myself to heal all the accusations and pain from our past and allow him time to heal and work on himself too.

    He has a lot to work on inside and my being in his life is just a reminder of his fears now. I know he loves me deeply, but is also angry and in pain and needs time to find his self-worth. But Iā€™m afraid he’s doing everything not to deal with the pain and just burying his head in the sand and being alone.

    He never blocked my contact, so Iā€™m sure I could still email, text or call, but I wonā€™t. But now hereā€™s my dilemma Iā€™m not sure if heā€™s truly broken us up for good and will never want to see me again because I drove him to that pointā€¦ or if space will allow him to miss me and contact me and possibly consider reconciliation.

    Also note that we donā€™t live in the same area (he lives an hour and 1/2 away) so we wont run into each other at public places, we also aren’t connected online anywhere, so during this time he wonā€™t see that Iā€™m moving on, improving myself and doing fine, or that I am happy living my life without him. So Iā€™m not sure how heā€™ll see that or even be curious what Iā€™m doing or miss me.

    So knowing all this, I have these 3 questions:

    1. Did I damage things so far that heā€™s gone and I should move on?

    2. How long should I maintain the NC rule? Our situation seems like it should be longer than the standard 30 days given his personal issues and my pushing him so hard in the end, but I donā€™t want to wait too long to where thereā€™s no chance at reconciliation again. How long should I wait to contact?

    3. What is the best way and type of message to send him when the period is over?

    Thank you,
    JS

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2016 at 10:41 am

      Hi Js,

      your comments have been going to spam.. Dont worry, I havenā€™t replied because I havenā€™t reached yours yet.

      Stay active in posting on social media, make it public. So, that even if he used any account he will see it. After this, if you get back together erase your messages before. Dont reply right ahead if he texts..unless he says he wants you back..if you didnā€™t respond, you dont have to restart the count.. Do 30 days..

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