The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Mona

January 3, 2017 at 10:25 pm

I started seeing this guy who was so amazing at first, we totally hit it off then he stopped calling as often and when I would text or call I wouldn’t get a reply. Then I called him one night when I was out with my friends and HE asked me to come meet him to see his friends and when I showed up alone he completely ignored me. We had a huge fight that night and he then left the country without seeing me, only to call me on New Years night. I said I was really busy and couldn’t talk so I ended the conversation. He then sent me a Snapchat of him going out two days later and when I responded wtf was that he made a nasty comment saying I should get a life. The next day I sent him a sweet message saying I didn’t want this to be a crazy break up and want us to be nice to each other and that we should try and remain friends and he has not replied. I’m just wondering whether he still is interested or whether I should be moving on. I’ve now blocked his number so it doesn’t bother me if he does reply or call

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 8:29 pm

Hi Mona,

were you just seeing each other and dating or you’re really officially boyfriend and girlfriend? If yes to the second, how long was the relationship?

SM

January 3, 2017 at 6:52 pm

Hi amor,
I don’t know why I can’t respond to your question after my comment.
You asked if we’ve broken up before.

No, the relationship was not on and off. We did have some issues at the beginning which led to him waiting like 8 months to oficially ask me to be his girlfriend. But it is the first time we break up.
As I said before I know this page from a while ago. So I implemented NC right away after his birthday. Didn’t contact him until 22 days later in Christmas.
However, I have to say I caved and yesterday January 1st after silence from him I sent a text saying ‘I don’t know what happened to get such indifference but I am really greatful you were part of my year I thank kisses hugs and time spent together’
At midday he answered he didn’t want me to think that but that he is going through phase of his life of a lot of thinking to himself and ‘mental indigestion’ that it is a ‘non trivial time’ with a lot of reflection and that he is really greatful with what did work between us and that those memories will life’s forever in him.
But then later asked me how my New Years ever went.
We had quite a long chat over text.
I mentioned how I had a good New Years with my family and that i remembered him since while dancing i remember how one time dancing he tripped me and that it was really funny.
That opened up the conversation we talked about that memory and about his New Years and his family and mine in this dates.
I asked about two of his aunts. He mentioned one is finally cancer free and other just hadn’t surgery. I knew them both.
Over that conversation in between good wishes gen mentioned ‘I just want to find the way’
I sent him that I trust he will Get through this tough time and he will figure pout everything I even sent a Tolkien quote. ‘Not all those who wander are lost’
And that I trust he will et through since I learned from him so much.
HE mentioned He liked and expects everything makes sense in his life soon. And ended with ‘I have nothing left but to thank you a lo to for what you’ve done for me. Best wishes. Hugs’
I just answered ‘have faith, thanks for all that you did even this early thing you didn’t notice. Hugs’
He went through a hard time changing jobs and finding it hard to adapt and well he is about to finish his masters in march which gen invested a lot of time to and by this last quater gen wasn’t finding it more difficult to concentrate.
Well…
This just happened. WHile it gave me hope, it feels like he is just saying goodbye again. And well he seems quite depressed and confused.

I guess I should start NC again right? My birthday Is coming up and I don tell know if gen might call or send a text to congratulate me.
I guess I know he is going through some crisis so I don’t think NC and sending texts after that will be enough.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 12:16 pm

Yeah, it does look like he’s in a tough time in his life and that pushing for a restart is not a good idea.. but it doesn’t mean you can’t be there just as a friend while continuously improving yourself too.

Kate

January 3, 2017 at 3:50 am

I have been doing NC for 23 days , today I have seen my ex bf on a dating app, something like Tinder, I feel upset, he hasnt contacted with me so far but we broke up for one month, he liked my pic once during my NC , he is actually a low key guy doesnt like posting pics or like someone s post. now I feel he is moving on, he may want me to talk to him but I really dont know, I feel sad, if he wanted to talk to me then he will talk to me frist right? but I still wont break the 30 NC! I have been improving mysle but i know im just cheating myself becasue I dont feel good after I broke up with him im just preteding to be happy on social media. does it make him think im moving on and dont want him again ?

Kate

January 3, 2017 at 4:25 am

17days NC not 23 lol he is a stubborn guy but if he wants to talk he will still talk to me right ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 1:48 pm

Hi Kate,

Take it as it is. He’s moving on because he wouldn’t be breaking up with you in the first place if he wasn’t starting to. So, if he sees or talks to you, he has to think you are too. For him to take a chance on starting out friendly.

SM

December 29, 2016 at 7:52 pm

About 26 days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We was really busy with work and school and I resented him not having time to be with me in my friends and family stuff and he did have time for his.
The final drop was a week before his birthday were I mentioned next year I wanted to travel with my family for my birthday. Really calm I explained over the phone I understood his needs, but u also wanted to travel with him that I wanted more.

Next day he sent a text saying he knew we wasn’t giving his 100% and was thinking why and about me. That Friday we met up to talk. As always I ended up apologizing for my fears over what happened in my past relationships but that despite any doubt I chose him.
I also asked him why he loved me and I don’t know why I just answered that liking someone is not loving them.
He just cried and cried and didn’t say another word until he said he was so sorry because he couldn’t chose me over his doubt. He just repeated he couldn’t because I ‘changed a lot’, meaning my attitudes changed easily or something like that.
That was it I just consoled him and told him everything was ok and that he couldn’t force something he didn’t felt and left. I mean we didn’t talk about this prior to that conversation. We’ve talked about other insecurities such as me being in another relationship when this started, but never about this.

Two days later he sent an email just thanking a lot for what we lived and said that it was due to the mistakes we both made and we should just remember what was good.
I was heartbroken, so I didn’t answer.
And did I mention he sent this by text, to my personal and work emails.

A couple of days later was his birthday I had already planned for a big ballon and candy to get to his office and I didn’t cancel them. I also got him a concert ticket which I planned with his best friend.
He called me that day to thank me . I was so nervous I only congratulated him and blurted out they were preordered. Then sent a text congratulating him. and he was really thankful again for ‘everything’ not just the ballon and he mentioned it was great because no one knew it was his birthday.
I could only answer ‘I am glad’.
Then his bf contacted me to confirm if I wanted to tell him about the concert tickets and I just politely declined.

We didn’t talk for days. Until Christmas came and I felt devastated because he didn’t even sent a text. I waited until the 25 and sent him a ‘merry Christmas, blessings, achieve all
Your goals’ type of message.
He replied practically the same only adding ‘thanks for your message.

I felt awful!!! We dated almost 2 years and have known each other for three. I felt like it meant nothing to him.
I know when e first kissed I had a boyfriend but I left him almost right aways because I wasn’t happy anymore.

I obviously felt awful and went ahead and sent him an email… what was supposed to be a ‘clean slate’ email.

I indicated I understood why he could feel confused and had doubt, that I tried to do the best for both. That it was normal to be afraid and have doubts. I explained how I loved that he included me in almost all important things in his life but also explained how I also waned to share more special events of my life with him. I thanked him for everything also and mentioned that I had no hard feelings because with him I always managed to feel like home.
I ended it with a ‘I which we could be strangers again. But I know this words change nothing. I hope you are well I have faith you are’.
I sent this three days ago and still haven’t gotten a response.

I have been going back and forward tying to forget him. But in reality I know I loved him because for the first time in my life, beside him, I no longer felt I needed to be in the relationship out of neediness. I really felt I no longer needed a guy to fill any voids because it was my own responsibility.

I felt sad and confused, yes. Because every time we talked about him having more time for me he felt pressured and didn’t know how to do it. He is doing his masters and it is really time consuming and like 5 months ago he changed work and really wants to thrive. I have similar goals so I always understood.
But well, anyway… he hasn’t answered I don’t know if I should even bother sending a New Years text. Since obviously he won’t. I really feel I’ve lost him for good. 🙁
I know I don’t want the same relationship back. I only wanted him to treat me as a priority more and try and give me more time.

He hasn’t responded the email or contacted me further.
I’ve posted pictures smiling in social media, going out with friends, I’ve really improved myself, I even lost tons of weight. However, I’ve also posted ‘motivational’ stuff like ‘don’t let fear win over faith’ bla bla.

I’ve been really focusing on myself. I’ve tried to stop thinking about him. But each night I find myself waking up around 3 am thinking about him and feeling terrible.

Please help !

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 12:17 pm

Yeah, it does look like he’s in a tough time in his life and that pushing for a restart is not a good idea.. but it doesn’t mean you can’t be there just as a friend while continuously improving yourself too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 1:09 pm

Hi SM,

Is your relationship on and off? if yes, how many times have you broke up and for what reasons?

Rachel

December 28, 2016 at 3:04 pm

My bf and I were together almost 3 years and about 3 weeks he broke up with him ex saying he feels like I’m struggling nd Unhappy about our long distance relationship ans feels he can’t make me happy. While I understand his point because he’s is older and stuggling to find a good job etc I have always been there For him and tried to help. I fee like he doesn’t feel much of a man and can’t give me what I need but that’s not true. I know he loves me and we have had a great relationship our biggest issue is the distance and we understands we can’t change that right now. I can deal with the distance but feel like he could make more effort to make me feel special when we’re apart. For some reason he doesn’t get my point and feels like I’m attacking his character. SO far I haven’t spoken on him for a week but he messaged me merry xmas nd i replied hours later. New year and my birthday are coming up so feel he will message me. DO I reply? I feel I am strong enough to not talk to him for 30days but it will be hard if he messages me on my birthday. We also broke up over the same issue a few months ago for a week and I took a different approach. I was rude to him and called him constantly but he still came back

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 5:26 am

Hi Rachel,

when is your birthday? Advance happy birthday! This time, focus in improving yourself during and after nc and nope, it would be better to not reply to his greeting when he greets you

Alexa

December 27, 2016 at 6:15 pm

Hello,

My boyfriend and I had an amazing 8 months relationship that was unique in every possible way. 2 months ago I got a lot o personal troubles and got really depressed, which made our lives a hell… yesterday he couldnt take it anymore and said he loves me but that this is not good and it is over, that I must work on myself and get better…that is my priority. In my situation, this made things even worse and I think I am about to lose my mind. I will work on myself, but he seems so determined to never come back..so unfair. He is the love of my life 🙁 Advice, please? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 3:47 pm

Hi Alexa,

change first before worrying because no matter what we say, if you dont improve yourself, you’ll still have the same dilemma

Celestine

December 27, 2016 at 3:15 am

I was familiar ready with NC when me and my ex broke up so I implemented it right away after the BU. Slipped once so had to start my count again three weeks after. But on the 30th day of the second round, which was Christmas- he reached out… and said Merry Christmas…but that’s it….for now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 9:36 am

Hi celestine,

what’s your plan on building rapport?

P

December 27, 2016 at 2:50 am

Hi! My bf of 5years and 5mos broke up with me (reasons: he doesnt feel the same way anymore, he wants to fix himself, he’s liking someone, etc). Anyway, he’s a really nice guy and we had a very good relationship. Everything was okay and I have always been a good gf to him.

My question is, will the NC work? Because i messaged him after the break up and he told me i should stop communicating with him because it would be hard for me to move on if i still communicate with him. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hi P,

long term relationships does lose the spark sometimes but you cant convince the other person by just telling them that’s it’s a phase. If he saw the other girl as a grass is greener case, the means the relationship probably got boring and lacked variety. Dont over think doing the no contact rule..Just do it. Dont answer if hr greets or messages, unless it’s about an important matter or emergency, and just live your life.. have your own life by having your own routine apart from him and do new things

kimberly

December 26, 2016 at 10:14 pm

I met a guy a year ago and we dated for 3 months. One night he got upset because I mentioned that he was driving too fast. We continued dating however, he began to text less or call less often or just sometimes did not return my calls. Suddenly, when I thought the ‘relationship’ was ending, he invited me over to his place. We cooked dinner as we often did together and had a romantic evening together simply kissing, embraces, and being cuddling. When he walked me to my door that night, I accidently said, “I love you” and he reciprocated, however I knew in my heart those words were too soon. We both simply stared at each other. I wrestled within myself to tell him that those words came accidently, but just decided to forget about it all. Well, immediately he began not texting or answering my calls again for 2 weeks. Then one day, I received a call from him and he began expressing doubt about the relationship and I told him I understood. Then he explained that he was not saying that he wanted it to be totally over, but wanted to still give it a try in which I replied that it was fine with me. We never discussed the word ‘love’ again. Eventually, he stopped calling and texting and I stopped calling him as well. Then, through other sources, I discover that his son had been sick and died in March. I wanted to reach out to hm, but was in my NC period, besides he was not aware that I knew of the tragedy and I did not want it to appear as if I was stalking him. Wel, in May I receive a Happy Mother’s Day text from him. I wrote him an email telling him that my life was not a revolving door for him to come and go as he pleased and then sent him a text informing him that my intentions were not to hurt him, but simply expressing my feelings. He replied saying he understood. Subsequently, we have been amicable. He texts me on holdiays and I reciprocate. However, on my birthday in Nov. he texted me a birthday wish and I thanked him and asked him to call me. He said he would do so when he “got the courage.” On Christmas he texts, however no call from him yet. Instead, he says in his text, “As promised, I will call you when I get the courage. ” What are your thoughts with this guy? Should I totally move on whether he calls or not? Thanks for your reply.

kimberly

December 29, 2016 at 6:23 pm

He called yesterday, but I did not answer the phone or return his call. I read where you say just to simply move on, so do I move on without explanation? Thanks for your reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 12:09 pm

Nope, just move on.. Because if you are moving on, there’s no need to explain anymore…
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 4:50 am

Hi Kimberly,

yes, you should move on.. Dont invest in a person who doesnt want to make the same effort as you are

Dayana

December 26, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Hi & Happy new year in advance

well, i happened to like a guy recently, he seemed not interested at all or maybe he is a good gamer… i can’t gauge that myself… i got his number and text him that i was interested to know him… he first said that he is in a relationship… next time he impolitely used strange phrases to test if he could draw the discussion into sexual thing and of course i refused to… anyway, he went offline for 2 days, then deleted himself, then i contact him to point out he could have easily blocked me! then he came back online on his devices… then refused to answer my text… i wanted to stop but i thought i wasn’t the right time, i needed to penetrate into his mind… so started sending interesting things to him… he just blocked… after a month i decided to go nc… now its first week… i feel skeptical inside, will nc work in my case? is he a stubborn guy or simply not interested?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 4:22 am

Hi Dayana

I think he’s just not interested..

gillian

December 26, 2016 at 11:51 am

Hi my fiance of 10 years broke up with me 4 weeks ago we lived together for 5 years and had our wedding booked for the year after next. He had been stressed from work and basically said he would need a few days at his parents which I wasn’t happy about but let him do it anyway a few days later he wanted to meet up and he told me that he wants to be alone for a long time and feels we settled down too early we were both 17 when we met he said that he has alot of financial worry and can’t afford to live together anymore and jusr does not want a relationahop as doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. Since then I have texted hun alot I go probably 2 days of leaving him alone but then I feel a need to text him again it got to the point where he has said he’s not ready to go over this again and even blocked me for a while we are now back on talking terms via text but he won’t meet up with me he just says he does love me but would only get back to make me happy and being with me would not make him happy. We had a great relationship so it makes me very sad what do you think I should do? He has made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationahop and wants to he alone a long time he said he might even go travelling or move country. HD says if we are meant to be then we will be
Thanks for your help

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 3:44 am

Hi Gillian

check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Kris

December 23, 2016 at 4:58 am

I guess I have been at NC for about 4days I have been improving myself, and the last msg i sent to him was I m not upset anymore, he said:….ah okay, does mean he hope i am upset or somethinglol also during the four days I posted some nice selfie and the pic of good food and me with my firends going out. but we were just together for three months and a half month didint see each other, so Im afride during the 30 days NC he will find other girls

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 5:19 am

Hi Kris,

you need to check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

Roni

December 23, 2016 at 12:52 am

My ex-boyfriend and were together for less than a year. It was long distance and I traveled to see him every couple of months. We have broken up several times and each time I contacted him soon after to get back together. We went on vacation together last week and he seemed stressed out and had negative energy the majority of the trip. We had a small spat which we resolved before I left and everything seemed ok.

I got home and we continued to talk daily like normal. He said we make a great couple, he loved me, and he missed me. By the following weekend we had another small spat which we resolved and resumed talking like we normally do. He told me he wanted to call me to discuss our recent issues but was busy the entire week and we never did. I sent him a long text explaining my frustration about our poor communication which he never responded. I ignored him the rest of the day to give him space and he replied, “so it’s like that?”. I don’t think he liked the fact that I did that but I was sick and didn’t feel like arguing anymore. I called him a few times on Saturday and Sunday only to be told he will call me after work. On Sunday evening we chatted as he was driving home and he started to tell me his phone wasn’t working. A few minutes later he blocked me on every chat and social media tool we used to communicate. I called and got voice-mail. Initially i thought his phone cut or something bad happened. Something told me to check my other phone and I realized he blocked me. When I text to ask why he did that he said we need to talk. He proceeded to text me and told me he wasn’t feeling this relationship and that we both need to move on. I asked him what i did to make him feel this way. He said it’s not you. I asked if he found someone else. He said it’s not that. He said he knows I’m unhappy and he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and I should go make myself happy. I wasn’t aware that i was unhappy especially since I flew 5 hours to go on vacation with him the week before! He said he was sorry and thanked me for everything. Then he blocked me.

The next morning he unblocked me and randomly says good morning. I responded and he tells me his cousin wanted him to tell me thanks. WTF! I told him he broke my heart and he told me to move on again. He apologized and said he had his reasons for blocking me. I asked why and he blocked me again! I text him back on a different phone and asked him to quit playing games. This man proposed to me and was planning to move here next year. After i said that he unblocked me again and responded with…hmmmm!

I’m obviously dizzy, in shock, and a bit tired and the week isn’t done. I haven’t text or called since and wanted to try NC because i know he’s used to me begging and carrying on. He unblocked me because he likes to see if im online. I’m not really doing this to get back with him but I’m interested in getting closure to what got us here. Typically someone does something wrong and we break up for a few days then we get back together. This time is different. This time was in mid sentence. This time I’m not begging. Don’t know what else to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 2:42 am

Hi Roni,

if you wabt closure, ask him first what got the relationship there..if he doesn’t answer, then do 30 days nc..

Shannon

December 22, 2016 at 2:38 pm

So for the “frantic caller” and “frantic caller becoming the ignorer”.. u mentioned he won’t move on but wat if he’s all ready in another relationship it seems to be (rebound) and he tells me he doesn’t want another relationship and he says he is comfortable with her but he texted me once every night currently in no contact rule (day 2)

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 23, 2016 at 11:00 am

Hi Shannon,

I think you should follow the advice in this one:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Kris

December 22, 2016 at 8:23 am

My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested (but still reply me) I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! Or he is just playing the game or i misunderstood him again? I used to misunderstood him lots ! Like when he said let’s meet more often I was really unconscious he actuall;y expect me to say: lets improve it and meet more ofteh, but i didnt . but now I know what was wrong but he seems not going to get me back

(And we haven’t met for almost a month and we broke up for a 2 weeks but we just sent te last msg at December 19 today is 22 We did sent some msg during the 2 weeks but we did date for for a month and during one month he was struggling and thight about should we broke up and he didn’t tell me before although he was trying to make effort to improve it, but I didnt realise it i regret but I canr get things back. I m not sure if 3 months relationship is enough to do NC? and we havent met for a month) i am afraid he lost interested in me, he is the person like taking time to trust people and he is a patient guy as he told me when we just known each other, also he told me we were together so fast when he broke up with me, he also tolod me he was immaturer then he thought hisself, and when he said something not nice I was even not angry, he asked me why I was not angry, and he asked me to blame him. I really dont understand him and do I have chance to get him back as I feel like he is enjoy his life now and he told me he is good, he even sent me a smile when i asked him: how are you, after a week we broke up. but I restarted the NC since I replied him: I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. ……….

Kris

December 22, 2016 at 8:41 am

and also the first night he was so struggling and told me what he thought but never told me before, I said: “just speak them out tell me your feelings and what you think” he said: “he likes me bu he like spending with me , but he is not fall in love with” I told him we just known each other three month, love needs to grow, lik each other and staying with each other is enough… he told me he felt he hurt me and he dislike himself at the moment . so Im not confident at all now to get him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi,

even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

LIGAYA

December 21, 2016 at 4:53 pm

I wrote here few days ago. I have been doing the nc for 15 days already. I have read the other posts and it seems like my case is the most hopeless one. Since internet relationships are not relationships at all. I would like to hope that he might come back but then the nc rule helped me to focus on myself and though it still hurt and i would do anything to want him back… I choose me over him this time. Thank you for this site. And the help you are giving to women out there. I am no longer hoping to have him back. He was never mine in the first place. The nc rule made me realize that. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2016 at 6:57 am

Thank you for informing us Ligaya.. Just remember, moving on is a process..dont regret.. take this as a learning experience

Thousand charles

December 21, 2016 at 3:54 pm

Hey ! I really love this website. Its the last option to solve my life problem. Look my bf and me fought 4 months back…on some personal issue. We both got hurt mutually. We both went thro the same mental truama. I recovered from it. But he hasn’t. He says that he is too afraid to love again or to get back into relationship. He says he wanna live in this pain. He wanna keep me friend zoned. His main plan is that once he will be alright or when he will feel something for me then only he will get back to the relation. Till then he wanna keep me friend zoned. He do loves me. He tells evryone around that he loves me including his parents. He told them that as well. But whenever he talks to me he is so cold and friend zoned. He never lets me know that he loves me. Scientifically, he has assured his subconcious mind that he wanna live likr this and he is changed. He keep on reapeating this thing that he has changed. It hurts me alot. He says that he used to be too sensitive but now he has changed. Actually he is just supporting his subconcious mind. In reality he hasn’t changed much. Been 4 months now…we are in touch but friend zoned. He avoids talking abt getting back to relationship and says he needs lot of time. But guys trust me. I did my best possible effort to get him back even a no contacr rule for 30 days…and he msgd back..that he is too sorry for all that but yet he doeant wanna get back to relation. He talks to my.mother daily. They got their personal son and mom relation. He says that he miss me alot , loves me alot…but when he talks to me…he doesnt show it. Well, tomorrow he is comming back home..he studies out side our state. I am trying to use reverse phsycology this time. Ill mirror his actions. I have been too clingy and needy in these months. But now ill mirror his actions and be like I HAVE CHANGED. WE SHOULD STAY FRIEND ZONED. WE SHOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE ETC. Ill not treat him the way i used to do before. This is my last trial. I hope by this way he will realise his mistake that hoe it feels when you do this to your lover? Please pleaee pleaee gimme suggestions that how should i behave to him once he come home to meet me and how should i communicate with him and all that?? I really need to know what should i do with this boy? Although i know we love each other a lot. But still wr are humans and he need to know the tatse of this treatment.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2016 at 4:13 am

Hi Thousand Charles,

You have to make your change genuine.. be active. Mirroring is good but you have to take more initiative by being active in other things. Volunteer, do new things and make new friends, have a make over, travel, learn, help others.

Jess

December 20, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Hi. 🙂

My ex and I were in a relationship for a year. We broke up because he said we were two different people and he said my negativity out weighted the good in me. I think the opposite because soon after the break up, he sort of hooked up with my best friend and didn’t tell me about it until I my best friend told me. She said she was sorry and when I told him what he knew he got pretty angry and blamed me for being the reason that my best friend and him couldn’t be together. Fast forward, despite of the heart break and the drama I still forgave him and we were in this kind of untitled relationship for about a year. Sure he did things that made me feel like he still has feelings for me but whenever we have an argument, he would walk out of my house like I’ve offended his entire family. Recently, he and I went to a work party and a coworker of mine has been having a crush on him since she found out that we aren’t actually in a relationship. I’m clueless at how she got his number and he said he didn’t know too but that didn’t matter much to me how she got it. However, what got me ticked off was he would constantly text her while he was at my place and even when I told him to stop because it was rude, he didn’t listen. I ended up kicking him out. He left to go on a holiday a day after for 2 weeks. I implemented NC and on the second day, he texted with “Hi.” I was at the party heartbroken and I drunk replied with “who F are you?” He then told not to be so mean. I didn’t bothered to reply back. 10 days later, he texted asking me not to be mad him and he was sorry. I was really annoyed at this point because he didn’t just text me via normal iMessage but through Viber too. I waved him off by just simply asked if he had things to do. I think he got the idea that I wanted to be alone and he said “I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.” I replied with a thank you. Then, about on the 14th day of the NC, he has returned from his holiday and just said “Hi, how are you?” I didn’t replied. The next day he texted again with a “Would you like to go grab a coffee? :)” I still hasn’t replied. I really need answers right now because he is driving me crazy and my heart aches whenever I see his name on my phone and I can’t reply. What is he thinking? He does this thing that if I start to ignore him, he would look for me first. Please give me advise. I really appreciate it. Thank you. 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 10:30 pm

Hi Jess,

that’s one of the effects of the no contact rule. The guy starts to chase because you’re not chasing anymore. But to make it clear, if you are going to want to rekindle the relationship, if it doesn’t get official, stop seeing him. You’ve been his girl on the side for a year, not being official means dating others is not being rude. That’s just how it is because he doesn’t have a commitment with you. Are you actively improving yourself?

Laura

December 20, 2016 at 4:24 am

I wrote here last month..my ex bf broke up with me.. Um We were together 4 yrs..anyway Im on day 27 of nc rule..its been so hard to not reach out to my ex, so HARD!! To just see how he’s doing & whatever but I kept strong..but he finally messaged me!! I was really starting to lose hope & thought he forgot about me..but he messaged On iMessage & Facebook messenger..Saying how much he misses me & life’s not the same without me..a part of me was like omg how I would love to respond to that message & tell him the same! But then I thought..how he would probably want me to say that :/ I came to far in the nc rule to go back now. I started making notes on how to construct my first message for this coming up Thursday..I’m so nervous. I worked on myself through out the 27 days so far..my health, I started working out for a couple weeks now. My wealth and my relationships with those around me and hanging out with different people. And starting some new routines..I’m really hoping I can stick to my plan I made to get him back..its gonna take time & I’m so scared. I dont know, I guess for the unknown I guess. Any last minute advice to give me before I take on the next step after nc rule is done??? I read everything from ziegnarik effect, high & low tide theories, 50/50 split, ungettable girl, got all those emails from Chris S. about my chances & stuff, the nuclear football, and to strive to be a Kai and not a “sarah”.
It was alot to read & research..but worth it..!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Hi Laura,

Relax, dont overthink. Because the more you worry, the more the message would be unnatural

natasha

December 19, 2016 at 12:51 pm

i just broke up with my busy ex bf who didnt have time for us to talk and chat. we are in long distance relationship and i explained for him many times that i understand you are busy but we need to chat and talk for this relationship to work but still he gave me stupid excuses as usual that he is busy busy busy… 5 days ago i msged him and i said ” i know you are so busy but i cant deal ur situation . i tried my best to fix this but u dnt wanna change . it was very nice to know you . but i cant continue this hope u find someone who can deal with ur situation .plz dnt contact me anymore ” and he didnt contact me anymore !
he got so serious while i was about to scare him like u r busy and u r loosing me …. i dunno if i should wait for him or move on ? …

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 11:49 am

Hi Natasha,

if he didn’t have time before, then I think you should have prepared yourself that your threat could be a relief for him, because he’s already ignoring you.. that means he either really doesn’t have time or he wanted to break up and he just doesn’t want to do it himself.. right now, do you want to do the no contact rule first and take this as a restart? And slowly rebuild rapport after nc? If it doesn’t work out, then at least you know you tried what you can before moving on

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