The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Jamie30

February 4, 2017 at 4:30 pm

AMOR I am counting on your wisdom and guidance as I am sure your insight about my situation will also help other women going through something similar. My boyfriend of 3.5 years has gone silent (as in not contacting me at all) for two weeks now. In turn, I have not contacted him at all either since that day. It all began when we had a very insignificant argument by text to which He replied to me in an unkind manner followed by “bye” and that was the last thing he wrote. I replied, “fine, bye”. Apparently, he never even read this reply (on whatsapp), or maybe he did, I don’t know because his phone allows him to see short messages without the need to actually opening the app. In any instance, I have not contacted him at all. He is silent and so am I. Then, a week goes by and I noticed he has posted a few sad love songs on facebook. Thinking that maybe it was his way to apologise, I gave each song my “like” as a sign of my understanding. When several hours went by and I saw no actual message from him, I decided to take back my “likes” and unfriend him on facebook.; an action I do not regret as I felt that he was giving me mixed signals. I did not block him, just unfriend him. Then four days ago I saw that he had posted two more sad love songs, one of which was “Wicked Game” and the other “Sin Ti” (Without You), which is the same Wicked Game music but the lyrics are completely different, therefore the meaning. Since then, he had not been on facebook at all until last night when he re-reappeared on FB and posted a few more love songs: The Power of Love, Unchained Melody, You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling, Stand by Me and Together Forever. He and I love music and he has dedicated hundreds of songs to me. He has always expressed his loving feelings openly to me while also relying on music to futher express those feelings. I just don’t understand why when he gets upset about our relationship he ghosts me. At this point I don’t know if he is a stubborn man, a scared man or an angry man, therefore I cannot understand why can’t he just apologise for his behaviour. I don’t even know if we have broken up! All I know is that we are both in radio-silence mode since January 20. What I do know is that I am not willing to communicate with him until he takes the initiative. We have broken up once before in 2015 and I did not communicate with him for three months, yet during those three months he was texting me very angry messages every couple of days or so, which I in turn was ignoring. Then I finally wrote to him on New Year’s Eve just to wish him the best for 2016. Within an hour he replied apologising for his silence, unkindness towards me and to tell me he loved me more than anything in the world and I know he was sincere. I did not see that message until January 2 and I replied that same day, rekindlind our relationahip. Since that day forward he was a wonderful boyfriend but now this? I know that this time I have been the one being aloof and going hot and cold on him and I am aware that his over the top reaction this time had to do with me creating a situation that now I realise was unfair to him. This is where we are now,, in absolute radio silence mode. Just today I blocked him on whatsapp — what is the point of getting disappointed each time I see no message from him? In the meantime, I am living my life, enjoying activities and outings with family and friends. Why do some men act this way is beyond me. We women are always open to communication, good or bad. That is our keyword “communication”. Talk to us! do not ignore us, ghost us or give us mixed signals. We much rather know what is going on — good or bad, we can take it. That is really all we want. How should I proceed?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017 at 4:33 pm

Hi Jamie30,

it’s ok that he’s blocked in whatsapp but it would be better if he’s not blocked in Facebook or Instagram..I think that has something to do with how you both handle conflicts in your relationship, because it’s already the second time that that happened.. If you ever get back together, talk about that.. Right now, continue being active, start the count of nc on the first day that you didn’t like his posts and do 30 days..

Sammy

February 4, 2017 at 11:17 am

Hi! I had a long distance relationship for 14 months. My ex and I had a constant fight due to lack of communication. He asked for a break because he got tired of fighting. We didnt tapk for 10 days so i approached him, he’s kinda distant and cold and he asked for another break. So i got mad and said hurtful words and broke up with him. I decided to say sorry after a week and he said he doesnt want us anymore and he still loves me but its not working and he wants to move on. He’s kinda stubborn so its gonna be hard and i dont know if he will change his mind goig back to me. I’m working on the NC rule for a week

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2017 at 1:57 pm

Hi Sammy,

check this one:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Christine

February 3, 2017 at 2:42 pm

Hi there.

My boyfriend of three years broke up me because I never introduced him to my parents. My mom is very particular when it comes to dating. She never really gave him a chance. And he felt as if I never tried for him. He broke up with me through text and continued to talk to me every day or every other day. And times I wouldn’t respond to him he would say things like can’t say I never tired to keep in contact with you, have a good life. I recently found out that he’s been spending time with someone else and when I asked him he said he was just filling a void where something was missing. He’s 23 and I’m 28. I asked him if there’s any hope for the future of would he want there to be he said he would but only time can tell. I’d like to implant the no contact rule. Will that be helpful?

Thanks a bunch,
Christine

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 7:27 pm

Hi Christine

it can for a restart but are you going to introduce him after that?

Katie

February 2, 2017 at 4:21 pm

Help – i don’t know……we have been together for almost 3 years (both in our 40s), and have had our fair share of conflicts and half-hearted breakups. He’s just not very good at conflict and avoids it at all cost. He’s been through a rough patch recently for the past six months or so (brother died, he’s trying to sell large assets, other family issues, new job,…..) — I always told him I would support him and if he needed anything just let me know and I’ll be his support system. But instead of doing that, he goes more and more silent, almost ghosting me, and he just withdraws rather than talking to me openly about what’s bothering him. It’s so different compared to the beginning of our relationship. He was li loving, caring, generous, making me a priority, chasing and romancing me……..now: hardly anything, and we didn’t even have a fight………if he met somebody else, shouldn’t / wouldn’t he tell me?? We don’t live together so I really have no way to verify what he’s actually up to….he does reach out to me occasionally, mostly by text. And then the conversation is light, pleasant and rather shallow. I’d rather have a serious conversation and talk about substantial topics. But he’s just not that way. For this reason, I did not reply to the last text message because it really was meaningless. That was last Sunday, and I have heard nothing. It was my turn to reply, but I just didn’t. I really genuinely didn’t know what to say. Now the only thing we’re doing is playing games online through our phone apps. It’s so childish, but every time a game ends, he starts a new one. And I gladly make a move every time it’s my turn, because to me it’s just the last string I’m clinging to right now. Why is he doing this? And I know it’s not NC if I keep playing. But I just don’t want to lose him altogether. I feel like we are a really good match, except for his communication issues ……. I’m afraid none of us will ever make a move again and we’re done.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 9:03 pm

Hi Katie,
check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Meow

January 31, 2017 at 5:37 pm

My partner broke up with me on Sunday 29th Jan over text with a long essay message explaining how he has been thinking about everything and has made a decision. We’ve been together for 6 months, being Muslim and Asian it is always the nature to proceed with someone with the intention of marriage.

When we first started dating he informed me he was on a student visa and was in the U.K for his studies for his masters in Law. He is a professional lawyer and moved to London after wrapping up career in Pakistan. His parents (both lawyers) and eldest sibling who’s married live there but the rest of his siblings live in London and are also married. I met him on a muslim dating/marriage app. Everything was fine, we spoke about where he would like to settle and future aspirations. He convinced me his future was here. I gave him a chance to proceed. The reason I say this is because in November 2015 I broke up with my ex fiancé it was a toxic relationship and he was very much a narcissist, after he broke up with me within 2-3 months he married a very young girl! That obviously shook me and you can imagine what I must’ve gone through! I spoke to a relationship therapist and I went on a spiritual vacation to heal myself. It was scary to get back out there and start dating again. I had my friends and family around me and because my ex fiancé never even bothered to actually tell me he just did a runner I was left with no closure and having to make sense to a lot of things myself.

I was cautious this time as I wanted to take my time with this new guy and especially wanted to see if we were on the same page before the families were aware.

Everything was good, we had an understanding, chemistry, love, support and same dreams. He insisted to proceed to meet the families and get them involved. We talked about getting married and this month was supposed to be making it official.

Naturally throughout the relationship there were arguments but these were petty over minor things. We would both get angry at each other but would communicate and set some rules afterwards.

I went to Turkey for a break for a week and he was immersed in his dissertation deadline. Everything was like honeymoon period again, we were so loving and missed each other. I can back home and his family then proceeded to arrange a date for our engagement (this is how my culture works). However before that, my father was concerned that he wanted to ask some fundamental things to him regarding our future and how he would take care of me. This is a natural step that happens. Long story short, for whatever reason he would be super curious about this man to man talk and in return he was annoyed with me over the phone. That conversation didn’t go well and I was left confused as to why he was behaving in such a manner towards me over something that I couldn’t do. His father abroad also suggested that my father should speak to his older brother as a representative.

The break up: after that i.e last week although we were talking it was slow, I had this strange gut feeling that something wasn’t right, I picked up on some signs that he was being distant, not responding as frequently and ignoring my calls. Then he would try and pick an argument with me as to why I had been ignoring him all day?

I just didn’t feel right. Thursday 26th Jan I was super excited that things were finally going to the next stage. Especially since the previous weekend when the two families couldn’t arrange to meet for the engagement he became super annoyed. There were other factors such as his family being ill with viral flu.

My ex learnt on Thursday that his mum had a fall whilst going to the market. She lives in Pakistan and most of her kids live in the U.K. This caused my ex to feel guilty that he was distant from his parents and he had this responsibility he needed to be around them. Literally in a space of informing me to calling me that same night being 2hrs he had made a decision with the rest of his siblings that he is now going to move back to Pakistan! I was shocked and confused and was asking what about us? He said he needed time to think and couldn’t think about his love life and that his parents were more important to him than anything and would want to be around them.

I gave him his space. On Sunday morning he sent me a really long text saying that he’s decided he will move back if not immediately but soon. But he also said how we kept arguing and we would be unhappy in the future and he has made the decision for the both of us to break up. He said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and I would no doubt be a really good wife but he felt we weren’t compatible. He said we fought on fundamental issues. (Here is was super confused because he didn’t outline exactly what he was referring to). He also said “it’s not you it’s me”. He needs to think about how he’s going to manage his future from here on. And he said he will have to start his career over too. He said he is unaware of himself to whom, when and where he’ll get married. He stated that he was going to inform his family of his decision of ending it with me and that they would not engage with us any more and that I should also inform my parents.

At the end he left it open that he didn’t expect me to reply but if I wanted to I could and that I may not hear from him again. He wished me well for the future and said bye.

Obviously I told my parents who were shocked, I was shocked I was upset but not like how I was when I broke up with my fiancé.

I do love him, but I was going through anxiety during the night. I started writing down my feelings and thoughts as my friends advised.

However all weekend I kept thinking over and over and felt the need to tell him a few facts and what I felt about it all.
So I sent him a reply too. I outlined why I gave him a chance in the first place, the reasons why I thought he was giving excuses, saying that arguments were natural and disagreeing we were incompatible. I explained the norms and how two people should work together (this was his first relationship). I informed him I felt that I knew something was up and the move must’ve been stewing on his mind for some time. He tried to downplay in his text that nothing even happened as if to reassure himself that it wasn’t serious when it actual fact it was! The engagement preps had started.
I also reminded him that we have more good times than bad. And reminded him how we were good for each other. I expressed I was disappointed at how he handled it and I deserved to have been spoke to face to face. I also informed him that he should have just spoken to me about his concerns and he never even considered me in his decision. I said I can’t control how my parents would feel and react to everything. I also said I didn’t think he made this decision to move countries again over night. At the end I said I also didn’t want to end on a bad note but I was unhappy with everything. I said I hope he figures out how he’s going to manage his future soon, saying he’s a hard working individual and I don’t think of him as a bad person. I understand that this is something he needs to do for his own life and be with his family, but I also expressed my feelings and my reasons. I ended it by saying if he wanted his things back just let me know, look after yourself, bye.

I know it’s only been a day I have started the no contact rule. I’m not breaking down I guess because I had my cry on the phone when he told me he was confused and needed to think. But I can’t stop thinking about him. Since then he’s unfriended me on Facebook and I’ve deleted his number. He can’t see my updates. I’ve not had a reply to my text I guess I’m not expecting one anyways.

I love him I know we were great and I know he knows that too. I honestly think he got cold feet and freaked out about having the official talk with my father. His mum is ok she’s not injured.

Yesterday his mum spoke to my parents and she was shocked her self it had ended but my parents felt that his sister meddled and influenced him, as she came across clingy and jealous. His little sister in married and was always giving me the “talk about marriage” and I’d only met her twice. His sister came across abrupt when at times she spoke to my mother over the telephone.

I do want him back I don’t want him to leave the country. We can make it work. I don’t know what I should do, shall I just let him go? I’m confused and upset but containing it because I don’t want my family to think my life is falling into pieces, especially not since last time! I did take off two sick days from work and I’ve only got a new job!

I’m back at work but I miss him so much and I hope he still loves me and gets in contact. It’s only day 2 of no contact I have some time to go. What should I do. I’ve been reading your website over and over and I’m starting to feel like I wasn’t good enough for him.

What shall I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 10:23 am

Hi Meow,

So, you’re going to force him to stay? No, right? The best you can do is to improve yourself because you can’t control him.. check this one:
The Ungettable Girl

Maria

January 30, 2017 at 2:37 am

My ex and I were in a long distance relationship that lasted for about 2 months. We broke up the first time (he initiated it) because he wasn’t willing to change certain behaviors I didn’t like, but then again I didn’t give him the time needed to do so, so I felt like I placed a lot of pressure on him. We went two days without talking, he begged for me to come back, so we slowly got back to it again. The second time we broke up, he admitted a certain female was into him and although he knew it, he continued on with their friendship which I found to be disrespectful. What made it worse was when I came across his page on FB, she had tagged him saying he had made her the happiest girl. A friend had commented asking if he proposed to her and she said not yet. I was hurt, because not only did he not defend our relationship, he just laughed it off which made me suspicious. I asked him about the situation which he got defensive, and told me I had no right to ask about any female and stated he wouldn’t ever do me like that. We went a whole day without talking the next day. He texted me then saying for me to focus on my stories (I’m a writer, in the process of publishing) to take care and be with someone I could trust. He blocked me from all social media, including his phone. I haven’t spoken to him in two days. Is it worth it to try the NC rule here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 3:04 pm

Hi Maria,

try it first..if it doesn’t work, then move on..

Katie

January 28, 2017 at 1:12 pm

Me and my ex met abroad three years ago and kept in contact everyday for 2.5 years. I finally bit the bullet and met up with him and we travelled together for around 5 months. Though we didn’t say anything official we (have since) both agreed we were together. At two points during our travels we did seperate things I said I wouldn’t want to meet back up if he had slept around. During the last point we were apart I broke my ankle, he flew from a different county to be with me in the hospital and made me feel amazing. After being discharged from hospital I found out that the whole time we were together girls were sex messaging him…… We were together 24/7 he said it means nothing to him and he thinks no less of me and if he just got rid of his old friends and then I buggered off he would be left with no one (as he spends his life travelling). Within a day of finding that out I find out each time we were apart he slept with a girl. Again he says it means nothing to him and doesn’t change how he feels about me!! We fly back to our home country together (this being the first time he has returned in 10 years) we have a chat over the phone and decide to commit to each other officially. He spends a couple weeks seeing people he hasn’t seen for years and then spends the whole of Christmas and new year with me. It was amazing. Then out of the blue he says I have booked my train ticket to go back (to his home town) it’s in two days. This really upset me, he had booked it a week prior, why not say. I felt a total disregard for my life plans etc. Anyway we make the most of our last two days and he says he would like us to meet before he fly back (abroad) to work. Four days later he calls and says he doesn’t think he can be faithful and I don’t deserve that. He knows what he has already done will rot my brain and when he goes it will only be worse and I deserve better. He isn’t breaking up with me he is trying to be open. I say well we can’t be together. For the next week we have up and down convos and it’s all he wants to be with me I am perfect it’s him and what he has done etc. The week following we just have normal friendly chats. Then I get an odd message saying thinking of you remember that and he is sending a strong of messages about how he can’t stop crying he knows he has hurt me and he can’t bare it etc etc, turns out he was at the airport and left…. That was his goodbye. He messaged me to say he had arrived and then again asking how I am. I haven’t messaged at all, it’s killing me and I am going to do my best not to message. It is so hard, he was my best friend, I am going through hell with other things and I want the old us. I know I have to stay strong. Help!!!

Katie

February 3, 2017 at 8:45 pm

Hi there,
If I am honest I would love him to say he has got it all wrong. But I know he won’t and more to the point I am not sure I would trust him.
I want my best friend back. I stopped talking to him 10 days ago, two of those days he was travelling so I heard nothing. Then for the three days following he messaged a couple messages each day. The last message was a picture of him, that’s it. That was 5 days ago he hasn’t messaged since. I don’t know what to do. Do you do no contact to get a friend back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 9:24 pm

frankly, if you know he wont change, you have to come to terms with what your standards are. If you just want want to be friends, then keep talking..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 3:24 pm

Hi Katie,

If he’s not going to change, what’s your plan?

LaLa land

January 28, 2017 at 6:31 am

I began dating a guy on November 1, 2016. Although it unfortunately got to a point where he told me we shouldn’t speak because he needed space, this was December 11,2016 I waited all the way up until today to attempt to say anything to him and to my surprise he didn’t say sh**. I called him and he just let it ring to vmail and never called me back. I already feel like I’m close to being a ug girl as I am in the scene as far as night life. I picked this up after the split between the 2 of us. To my knowledge he doesn’t know. We haven’t seen one another or spoken since. I’m feeling confused as to why he won’t speak to me. We didn’t leave off on a bad note. Today by far had to be one of the most awful because I felt input my heart on the line And got rejected. So now I guess I’ll let him go because I can’t take it anymore. I miss him more than I thought I would. I’m usually pretty good with the nc rule or allowing “time” to do its thing but this time I’m having it really hard. I think I fell in love on accident

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 1:29 pm

Hi Lalaland,
I think it’s because the relationship was still in honeymoon period that’s why it was hard for you

Mimi

January 27, 2017 at 2:09 pm

Me and my partner split New Year’s Day after a terrible Christmas. Sadly his sister died a week before Christmas Day and it hit him and his family hard. We had been having a very rocky time of it anyway with splitting three times since September. I put all our issues to one side and gave the best support I could listening, holding him without speaking, going to the funeral home to see her to hold him up and attend the service. However, he kept pushing me away openly admitting he was doing that and I accepted he needed to grieve with family and friends who knew her. I also know relationships are tested after a loved one dies so I didn’t see much hope for us with already falling apart. The thing was about a week after the funeral he got very precious over his phone and multiple times when I walked in the room he hid he was on it and would even take it to the toilet with him. Every time I walked in the room he was on his phone and would look suspicious and stop using it ( this was new behavior as he would even let me use it as mine was always crap on wifi but now it was heavily guarded) My fear was an old female friend had contacted him after hearing his awful news and was offering emotional support that I couldn’t with not knowing his sister very well.. We had a really tough time after that with him disappearing for hours once leaving me looking after his child so in the end on top of all the other stuff I gave up and I moved back to my folks. We agreed we would not have contact for a few weeks to see how we felt before we broke up by email, he beat me too it by ending it on the second week but I would of done the same after the third week but it didn’t matter. It was a split that was needed. I have to be honest I miss him but thats because we spoke every single day and shared every trouble together. I am happier since the split and have managed to get my shit together, lost weight which is always a bonus post split and have so much to look forward to with no emotional baggage. I have no proof there was another person involved but it’s helped me move on thinking there is. The way I see it is if there is a new relationship it is starting at a vulnerable time ( loss of sister and split from me after a year and being friends for 12) plus his divorce the previous year after 17 years marriage…….way to much baggage for me to want an in and one I think that’s screams rebound. If he gets the woman of his dreams then I wish him well but I won’t ever know as we live in different cities, have no mutual friends and I have taken him off my social media to make a clean break not wishing to know what he is doing. Basically I have drawn a line and even if he contacts me I will suggest we don’t communicate. I found sites like this helpful but I can honestly say as a woman aged 43 with multiple relationships behind me the best way to move on is to have NC regardless of the reason for splitting and that staying friends just complicates matters . Many may say I am cruel that he was grieving and in a bad place but eventually the old issues will resurface and I think we both have better friends to turn to when times are hard. Write down the pros and cons and what caused the split and every time you feel the need to contact read it….trust me it will help you a lot.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 5:27 am

Hi Mimi,

thank you for sharing and inspiring others.. that’s the right attitude because you won’t attract the right person if you keep staying with the right wrong one

Itsme

January 27, 2017 at 2:08 pm

Hi! I’ve been in this long distance relationship with this man for 9 months. He is much more older and experienced than me and lot of women are attracted to him. I heard that it was at a party with a girl, he told me before that party that it was a friend but the persons at that party said it was his girlfriend. Basically I accused him of disrespecting me etc. He said that I was crazy and then said goodbye by text. I said bye too and then started to send him text and called him to know if he wanted us to stay friends etc. No response. So after 2 days I said to him that I will always wish him the best. And still no news. I never ever sent him rude texts even though I’m deeply hurt by his silent treatment. Deep down I wish to get him back. He is the angry man (as described in this article). And was wondering if you think that the no contact rule might work in this example even though he must be happy that I don’t text him anymore. We had a weird relationship: we never slept together even though we were tender to each other. I was actually about to sleep with him but this fight happened. Thank you for your input and advice! Best,

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 5:23 am

Hi Itsme,

is it confirmed that he introduced the other girl as his gf? there’s no guarantee that the nc will work, but it will help increase your chances

Shree

January 27, 2017 at 7:17 am

Mm.. Okay so I’ve been doing no contact since a week. Since then, he is continuously asking my best friend about how I’m doing and do I still talk about him and he asks for my pictures etc. He says he loves me but can’t get back to me. My best friend has told him that I’m absolutely awesome and I ignore talking about him all the time. So, my question is will he move on, or still wants to be with me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:17 pm

Hi Shree,

why did you break up? how long were you together?

Samantha

January 27, 2017 at 3:02 am

I just started NC, I know it will be hard but I am hopeful. These sites REALLY help to keep my mind occupied and NOT call or text him. After 2 years of a crazy up and down live in relationship, I think NC isn’t just good for him to open his eyes but for me as well… stay tuned!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:11 pm

Hi Samamtha,

enjoy your nc time!

Lexie

January 26, 2017 at 9:19 pm

My ex and I never dated but we like each other. He said he is not ready for a relationship and he wants to focus on his career. He said he is not ready to commit but we still text each other like a couple. We never been intimate even though there is strong chemistry between us. I wanted to know where things was going and he said he needed time to think. I panicked and nagged him about making a decision. This pushed him away. We fought and made up after but I was still scared because he still was not ready to commit. We text and flirt alot but he has not asked me out. I got frustrated and told him I need space because I want to get over him (truth is I don’t really want to get over him but I want him to pursue me.) He freaked out and got mad when I asked for space. He says he dont want to be friends anymore and he’s not talking to me. I want him back. It’s been weeks and I miss him. Help!

Lexie

January 28, 2017 at 2:49 pm

He never asked me out on a date or to be his girlfriend but we have strong chemistry and talk like a couple. When I saw how hurt he was that I asked for space and that I want to get over him, I tried to reach out to him and he got angry. He said that’s what I said I want. It’s been 2 weeks since the no contact rule. I still see him because we work together. I pretty much keep him at a distance hoping he will break the ice. This blog helps me alot. I am doing better but I want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 3:31 pm

that’s probably pride because you were the one that broke up and him being angry I’d his way of getting his pride back.. be very active in improving, as in aim to be the ungettable girl.. check the links below:
The Ungettable Girl

EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:19 am

Hi Lexiex
how long were you dating and how much did you improve since you stopped texting?

Brenda

January 26, 2017 at 1:23 pm

Hi
I’m currently doing no contact and I’m on the 15th day of it. My ex started contacting me after 7days of not talking to him.I never responded to any of his texts and calls and he started being furious.
Yesterday he called again but with a different number.I picked it up said “hallo” and I heard his voice. I didn’t clearly get what he said but our conversation was cut short before he said the second word maybe because he had no credit. He tried to reach out to me with the same number twice but i had blocked it already. Did i really break the no contact?or should i just continue with NC since he didn’t get to say what he wantedp? He called me an hour later with his number and i ignored and he texted saying “if i ever text or call you again. I’ll concider myself stupid.” Well i felt bad about that.Should i really be discouraged? Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hi Brenda,

no you didnt break it.. if it’s important, he would have texted what he wanted to say

Cendra

January 25, 2017 at 11:00 pm

We had a 6 month relationship and he ended it due to an awkward situation in the bedroom. I’ve been practicing the NC rule but I broke it when I sent him a text for his birthday. He replied with “Thank you Cendra” and that’s it so I didn’t contact him again. I’ve seen him around, we make eye contact and go our separate ways. The other day he did see me though and as soon as we made eye contact he put his head down and kept it down until I passed by. Lost cause? Thanks for the help in advance !

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:38 pm

Hi Cendra,

how many days are you in this nc ans how much are you improving?

Roberta

January 25, 2017 at 4:57 pm

A brief view of the all situation: We are living a LDR for abt 2 years. My boyfriend broke up with me by message after a
jealous crisis I got in after seeing something suspiciuous in his FB account.

We habe been arguing a lot the last 2 months, because of missing, its been almost 5 months we dont see each other.
We had a really bad 2016 coz I needed to go through 2 surgeries. Unfortunately I
discovered a beginning of breast cancer at the end of 2015 and I had to undergo mastectomy and now I am in
the reconstruction phase now, next May 2017 is the last one, final step I guess. And Yes he stood by me all along.

So anyway, But let’s get to the break up point…
After many struggling moments along these months we are apart (hes Dutch and Im Brazilian), Last week I was about to put
an end in our relationship, But as the last temptation to save everything we have dedicated till here, he asked me
(almost begging) that we should start planning an emergency trip to meet and face to face make a decision.
I accepted of course coz I love him and we started the plan. But over the weekend (saturday morning) he send
the usual good morning saying he will be away the all day in a sort of soccer tournament.
(hes a semi professional football player in a team from the Netherlands).
Anyway he just disappeared all Saturday only texting when he got home and before going to bed.
(we cultivate this habit in these two years of always saying good morning and good night before going to bed every single day)
On Sunday I went to a barbecue with some friends and he as usual called me to speak for video on whatsapp but I said
wasnt home and that I was busy just as he was the all saturday.
I also accused him of being with other women and not in soccer, anyway, I get mad every time he says that he is playing
football . Even so he said to stop the paranoia and also said he loves me …etc. I answered very roughly and then he said
nothing more. (Have I mntioned that Iam very Jealous? Ops. Yes I am. No proud of it)
Even so before going to sleep he sent a message of good night.

On Monday morning when I woke up I dont know what the hell I had the brilliant idea to take a look on his facebook page.
(I’m not even his friend there anymore for many previous reasons which led us to huge fights and not being his friend
was a way to overcome my sick jealousy)
And unfortunately I saw two young women in bikini newly added as friends, and I just went nuts!!!
I made a print and sent it to him right away. Saying that he was making plans, saying that he was afraid
of losing me but did not stop having new women on his facebook.

Well, Guess you know how it end up. He literally sent me this:

I’m sorry Roberta but thank you for being part of my life for 2 years, but I’m full of it all.
I do not talk to these women and I’m tired of explaining it over and over again. I wish you the best but is over.
Good bye.

I was so shocked by his titude to broke up like this that I just did not answer anything.
It’s been 3 days and here I am crying every 5 minutes. He does not say anything neither do I.
I ve see him a few times online on whatsapp. Today he just changed the profile picture.
Am Feeling completely lost, praying for heaven makes him to send me something to ease all this pain.

Do you think is gonna work for me the NC rule? Hes the most stubborn an proud man I ever met.. 🙁

Ps.: Im 35 and hes 38. Shameful.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 11:56 am

Hi Roberta,

There’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better than to chase him

Brittany

January 24, 2017 at 9:07 am

My ex and dated for 2.5 years, got engaged, then entered long distance for about six months. I went to visit him and found that he had been using Tinder and lying to me about various things since I had left. Initially, I had a very calm and collected reaction ( I didn’t yell or raise my voice at him, I was more the disappointed/hurt parent role) and I somewhat let it go. I left three days later and went back home and it all hit me so hard. I grappled with my feelings on whether or not to end the relationship because of my doubt. On 28 November, I called him and told him I didn’t think we should get married…he didn’t put up a fight at all, instead said ok and hung up. I drunk dialed him once and he answered and he too was drinking and said some hurtful things, he called me once and I missed the call and called him back but he claimed to have never called me. Now today (23 Jan 17) his roommate (a good friend of mine) told him that whatever he is thinking and whatever he wants is fine, but he owes it to me to have a conversation…not even a full minute after she sent me that he text me saying “I guess we forgot that you are the one who broke up with me”..I sent him a couple of heartfelt messages telling him how I felt and I EVEN APOLOGIZED TO HIM despite him being the one in the wrong. He answered one time then nothing. My in my last message I told him that as soon as we have a legit conversation the sooner we can move on, be it together or apart. No answer….what do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 10:03 am

Hi Brittany,

if he doesn’t want to talk, you have to give the closure to yourself independently.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Jolene

January 24, 2017 at 2:42 am

I DO NOT WANT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK AT ALL. I read this article to understand what goes on in a mans head when he is not in contact with his Ex girlfriend. Me and him were together for almost 4 years we lived together I already had 2 kids and we recently had a baby boy. He did a HORRIBLE THING and kicked me and the kids out so he can renovate his home to rent it out to new people. Long Story. So many lies and betrayal before and after. We split in October and now I have a custody and child support case against him. He has an OP on me bacause I punched him out of anger. He basically abandoned his son. But right after the breakup he text me and even sent me a joke. I shut it down. He text me on Thanksgiving not to wish me a happy holiday but to speak of legal things. He would question where I lived and other things but not ask about our baby. Christmas and New Years passed and Even our Sons first Birthday No Contact from him at all. I saw him in Court in January and he filed a new OP on me because they dropped it but he claims I was harassing him when I DONT CONTACT HIM AT ALL Unless it had to do with the baby who is a sickly baby due to his prematurity. So Now I DO NOT Contact him at all. Whats his deal? Next court date is in Feb. He claims he wants joint custody but doesnt even try to see the baby. Why be so ANGRY at something HE DID. How is this a healthy form of No Contact is this his way of forgetting us? Should I give him a chance to be in our sons life if he decides to come back around? I know this is alot sorry. Lol. I just dont understand how someone can use a no contact rule when children are involved.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 2:00 pm

Hi Jolene,

It’s not a healthy form of no contact.. That’s called ghosting.. Sorry, but I think he’s just not a good person really or he doesn’t want responsibility. So, he’s running away from it.

Angel

January 23, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Question.. did NCfor 2 weeks. Then read on this site that if the breakup was nasty, we need to let them know that you have gotten past the nastiness. This is the text you have on your site “Hi Dayne, I know a lot has been said between us a few weeks ago. I just wanted to tell you that I look back on our time very fondly and I hold nothing against you. I wish you the best in your life. Don’t be a stranger.” so I sent it. He replied “same”. Then 10 min later he called. I didn’t answer it. Do I go back to the NC rule even tho the text said “don’t be a stranger”? If I do the NC rule again, won’t he get pissed off bc I said “don’t be a stranger” (like your site said to do). We have a child together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 1:40 pm

Hi Angel,

I answered in your other comment. I’ll paste my answer there here. But you didn’t say you have a child there. So, that means, you have to do limited contact. But only talk to him regarding the child. So, that’s it. Make it clear that you need space to heal but you’re still open to co parent with him of course.

yeah, that was a good text but confusing once you start the no contact rule.. you have to tell him you need space to heal..and then do nc..

Martyna

January 22, 2017 at 12:56 pm

o me and my ex recently broken up on Friday after almost 9 month relationship. He broke up with me, I was still willing to fight for this relationship to work. Yesterday I’ve met him in a club, he was with two of his mates and a girl that I’ve never seen before. They were getting really close, he put her on his snapchat story and everything. By that point I was REALLY drunk, so I’ve decided to pour a drink on him twice, slapped him and kissed 6 (!!!) guys only for him to see that. Then we’ve had a massive argument, making a massive scene and I just feel so so so ****. I feel like I’ve just ruined everything. We’ve texted after and he said that he wanted to talk to me at that party and work things out but I didn’t even give him a chance. He wanted to be my friend before but now I feel like he’s become very distant and he’s said that after yesterday he is truly done. Would 30 days NC helped or is it better to just let go of that hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 1:47 pm

Hi Martyna,

do nc first, if it doesnt work, then move on..

« Previous 1 … 24 25 26 27 28 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”