The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Arewegonnabegoodagain?

June 13, 2017 at 8:25 pm

so. theres this guy i really like, one of my few friends in this town. we had a really good friendship where we would call and text everyday kinda like the 1-1 thing. but then i kinda started liking him and i have a hard time dealing with emotions bc i ofen overthink stuff. anyways i think he might have liked me 2 since we last time we where out hugged for a really long time and he was stroking my leg and back gently and the next day he wrote ”i hope that shows a little more”. but i kinda need it more clear so im not sure. anyways. i kept trying to arrange seeing him out of school (yees we go to class togheter) since i had just been on vacation for 2 weeks and i kinda missed him. but he kept saying he didnt know and kept postponing it and then he would say he didnt have the energy but at the same time he would just hang out with friends instead or go out party. and i felt like i just kept trying so i got mad and this sunday i kinda exploded and started pointing out all his flaws cause i was mad. so he got mad at me and tried telling me why but i guess i didnt listen bc he kinda said it was all about me and he tried explaining and he had enough and then he wrote ”im out b4 things start flying” (i had really pissed him off but i was just sad and i regret it). so i ended up writing sorry along with some other stuff explaining i didnt understand. anyhow i didnt hear from him the rest of the sunday (he hadnt even read my messeges untill monday night i think). so monday i wrote sorry to him again (no answer). so im like looking to see if he might had deleted me on facebook and he had not. we are also still friends on snapchat. then in the evening i wrote something like ”i dont understand why you havnt deleted me as a friend if you dont want to talk to me” and ”why dont you delete me if you dont want to forgive me”. still no answer even tho i saw he opened the snap. and he is active on fb and snapchat so i know he is ignoring me. then today tuesday i wrote a long messege to his number AND snapchat (stupid i know) explaining how sorry i was, asking quistions to what i could do and that i dont understand and that i want to know what to do to make him forgive me. (like a really long prob overthinking kinda messege). its now tuesday evening and i kinda regret sending it 2 places since i know he isnt opening the one on snapchat on purpose but im pretty sure hes seen the text so it feels kinda embrassaing that i send it on snap as well. its just hard not to overthink it when we usally talk alot and he is now ignoring me. and im scared that the last messege is gonna draw the straw and hell never want to talk to me again. he even didnt show up at school today and i kinda know its bc of me (feels bad). thinking about it i know its ridicoulos to draw conclutions since its only been 2 days but in my experience it usally isnt going to be alright again and the thought of that makes me really sad. even to a point where i wake up at night bc i think of him and i cant sleep for like 30 mins or so even tho i try and tell my selv that im gonna be fine no matter what cause i know i am i been there before. it just still feels like hell. im thinking leaving him alone is the only right thing to do wich im gonna do from now on but im so afraid he isnt going to talk to me ever again.. the days feels so long. im gonna try and be the best version of myself like i read here and learn from it if he does forgive me. right now he still havnt deleted me anywhere and i dont know if thats a good sign. i hope so. ( and i hope he is not one of those who are just friends with ppl they dont even like ). im 23 and he is 26 btw but i have aspergers and he have adhd and some other mental/psyke(dunno how to spell) stuff. and i overthink alot sometimes im doing my best not to but when i do its kinda like ”this thing is that way and thats just how it is”. no matter how irrational it is. i also need to work on myself i know that. so do you think he will forgive me ever?.. it all kinda sucks he was such a good person.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 14, 2017 at 4:27 pm

he probably will forgive you if he sees you have moved on and wont chase again..

Christine

June 10, 2017 at 7:38 pm

My BF broke up with me last Sunday. I went to his place to talk in an attempt to get in the same page. We talked…had sex…I thought it was make up sex…it wasn’t. Afterwards he started doin the dishes and sorting laundry. Told me that it was over and he never wanted to see it talk to me again. We had been seeing each other for 6 months and he never acted or treated me this way. He seems to be the ‘angry guy’. I am in Day 4 of NC and have purchased every program EBR offers. Thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 14, 2017 at 9:20 am

Dont sleep with him again.. And finish at least 30 days of nc.. Why did he break up with you?

Tina

June 10, 2017 at 1:47 am

I met this guy online. We came from the same hometown. But we work in different places. We chatted almost everyday for more than three months. We hung out twice.

He asked me for the criteria I looked for in guys, I said I wanted a nice guy, then he asked me whether I would consider him if he was nice. I just smiled away. He video called me, the first time I picked up I was shy and let the screen facing ceiling (not showing my face) then I let him see my face when he complained saying he didn’t call to see the ceiling fan. There was once he called when I was replying his msgs, I wasn’t ready, so after a while I cancelled the video call, saying I wasn’t in good “condition” to have the video call. Another time when he video called me, I was reading on some articles related to my work, I asked him if he had anything to say, he said no, just wanted to see me reading, left me speechless and looked at the phone, I was so shy to a point where I was looking at the phone trying to enlarge my own screen I could still see him looking at me (literally he looked at the phone the whole while I was talking or BS-ing about what I was reading as he had nothing to talk about, I felt awkward to just look at him). After that, when he wanted to video call, I would ask him what he wanted to talk about, he said nothing or there’d be something to talk about when the line was connected. The last time he video called me, I was asleep, I didn’t turn on the lights, then he texted me saying sorry, the next morning he asked if I was going back to hometown and he would like to meet up.

Earlier in April on a Saturday morning, he asked if I was back in our hometown, I said yes, he asked whether I would go back to hometown again the following week (because he was preparing for his exams that week), I said no, then he asked if he went back that day (on Saturday and normally go back to our places on Sunday), would I go and have breakfast or short lunch with him. I asked if that would be a hassle for him, he said yes, then I asked him to not go back to hometown, we could meet up next time, he said ok. But later that day (Saturday-evening), he sent me voice recordings telling me that he just got back in hometown, he asked if I would have dinner with family, I said yes, he asked again if I could go out with him at a cafe after dinner, I said that would be too late, but I sent him voice recordings, asking him why he came back, he didn’t answer. He later replied in a text msg saying he could make up time for the family. My friend said that if he really went back to see his family why he’d still ask me to hang out and it wasn’t like he was joining the army of sorts, he was just having exams and he could always go back to our hometown when he wanted, so what’s the hurry?

During our first meet up in late February, i waited for an hour, I didn’t tell him where I sat and he managed to find me and sat in front of me while I was texting my friend (about how regtetful I was that time I was thinking about leaving–insecurities, I thought he was looking at me from afar and didn’t like my appearance thus he hesitated) and when he stopped me from using my phone, I noticed him but then I told him I was about to leave when he finally arrived (I was super shy and nervous, kept saying I got things to do etc). Later, he texted saying things like sorry to have kept me waiting, asked me for my opinions on his appearance (he looked good, exactly as expected, I didn’t tell him that), and he told me that my smile was nice and like an angel and all.

But after the last meet up, he has drifted away. A few of days of no reply from him, I texted and asked if he was busy (guess he’ll never know how hard it was for some introvert to initiate with a person who was keeping a distance, it was so hard for me to even press send), he said yes, busy with work and study, and asked if i was doing fine. I replied saying yes, and take care (exactly like how I will end a conversation with a friend). Then he never replied since. It’s been more than a week after my ‘take care’. In fact, during our last meet up, he asked if I was going to work in the place he was working in now, I didn’t give him a clear answer but told him that I needed to get more experience first and I hated being rejected. Then when he settled the bills, I thanked him, he said I could repay him when I worked in the same place with him in future, then I said he had to wait for many years, he said he would wait. And when he asked if I would like to go for karaoke, I straight said okay, and when we were at the lounge singing, he asked me to be more confident (he kept putting his mic to me making so shy as he was so close to at points I turned away and my face touched his face I think *so shy*) and go hanging out with him more, singing at the karaoke and so. Just about a while before we left the place, he asked if I was happy that night, and I looked at him and smiled. I was shy, confused and wasn’t sure what to say and at the same time, afraid that he was merely playing with my feelings. But straight after we both reached home, he sent me pictures of his food, friends and all. Things seemed fine, but the next day he seemed a bit distant yet our conversation was still going on, I was ignoring him drifting apart, we kept talking about the same “meaningless” topic for days, but on a public holiday he didn’t reply my msgs, and I got angry so the next day when he replied, I stopped answering his questions and sent him pictures of me and my boss (he asked if my boss was interested in me before and asked me to ignore my boss when I sent him a screenshot of my boss’ lame jokes) and I was so focused on merely telling him all that I wanted to say but not answering his pointless questions because I wasn’t happy with him ignored me the whole public holiday. I mean that wasn’t the first he ignored me, I cried worrying him falling for other girls before.

Now that we both have stopped chatting, I hid from sharing my posts with him (but still can see his posts, it may appear to him as if I deleted him), and just recently he posted a picture of him (he’s a typical narcissistic guy) and it just feels like he’s asking me to forget him and move on, he has no feelings for me and so.

I mean why a guy cannot tell the girl that he doesn’t wanna continue, or the reasons behind his actions? i.e. he has met someone or we’re not suitable or he just has no interest in me anymore. Now I’d rather see him in a picture with a girl so that I know it wasn’t my fault. But no, he didn’t and yet, I still cannot move on. I would still wake up in the middle of the sleep to think, think about what we talked about, about what I’ll do or say if I ever meet him again in the street. I feel like I’m such a coward when it comes to relationships. And last weekend I went home hoping he would ask me out again but I got nothing from him just disappointment and when I saw a car similar to his when I was crossing the road, I acted cowardly to avoid seeing the car. I know I’m never in the position to ask him what happened. I’m only a friend (what I asked to be when he said he wanted to come to my place and I told him about my mum telling me to not see him after she found out I met him up the first time and he asked me for my opinions on him–I said he was fine and seemed nice and I then asked to be friends), maybe I’m now nobody to him. No one cares whether I have deleted him or anything that’s related to him. Now, a friend asked me to stop being shy the next time I see a potential guy. She said continuously pushing away guys would make them give up on me in the end. At first I felt sad for losing the game (another friend told me that it was some mind game that he was playing with me yet I failed to realise), now I feel sad for losing someone who would chat, greet and check in on me everyday. I thought about numbing myself with work, it didn’t help but only showed that I didn’t improve on my job performance. I need to know if I still stand a chance, if no, I will need a clear, proper closure, maybe I somehow deserve one. I admit I miss this friend.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 14, 2017 at 5:53 am

hi tina,

Are you going to do the no contact rule? Check this one:
EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Stephanie

June 10, 2017 at 1:29 am

Hi,
So my boyfriend of 4 and a half years (we dated through high school and part of college) broke up with me a little over a month ago after leaving me stranded while we were drunk and made the comment “that he couldn’t live with what could have happened to me for leaving me stranded.” So then he wanted to try a week break but we ended up going to dinner and then he actually ended up breaking up that night. He was very upset and sad and said that he didn’t want to break up and that he thinks this is best for both of us and he wants to be friends. He ended up giving me mixed singles for a few days like kissing me, so I told him that I needed time alone for a while and that I can’t be friends right now. He understood that. One week later, however, something happened, so I went to him for comfort and advice and we talked a little. He told me that the thought of us getting back together did cross his mind but he made the comment that we both don’t know what it is like to be single in college and that he didn’t want to have the responsibility of having a girlfriend for now. He then said that he still loves me though and misses me but that I should try being single. That was the last time I talked to him and it has been no contact for 3 weeks now. After 30 days, should I text him or do you think I should just let him be? I don’t want to text him if he is going to make me feel like a bother, you know?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 14, 2017 at 5:37 am

hi stephanie,

It depends on how much you improved and were active in posting in the past weeks

Mystery

June 6, 2017 at 5:51 pm

I’m in the NC for 4 days .. he’s sent me texts last night up until and hour ago saying he was sorry he thought we were just friends (after a year together because I accepted he wasn’t ready for a relationship after losing his mom) he asked me if I wanted to talk in the future when I calmed down , asked me if I didn’t want to talk to him .. .. do I still not respond? I won’t be just his friend .. he needs to figure things out ..

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 3:06 pm

I hope you didn’t respond.

Shannon

May 30, 2017 at 8:19 pm

This situation is a weird one to me. I work one day a week with a guy I have dated for a while. He suddenly told me that he wanted us to just be friends at work, leave the rest alone and we’d see what happens down the road. Of course, that annoyed me and hurt me. I didn’t beg, cry or say anything other than that situation did not work for me. It was all or nothing. I would respect his decision but we were not work friends, so please just respect that it’s too hard for me to be friendly. Professional only and minimal contact when I am there the one day a week.

It’s like he refuses to accept that. I do not approach or make any contact with him. He approaches me. I’ve taken to “mirroring” his effort. If he speaks to me, I will answer. If he comes up and stands near me, saying nothing, I say nothing. He now seems to talk to me more and more. He is super nice and friendly. So I have become even more distant to him. Politely moving from the area in which he has come to. 5 minutes later, he approaches me again.

The other day, the boss asked me to change the department schedule around a bit, telling the guys that if they had any requests, to let me know. He comes up to me seconds later, offers to sit down and help me, since he is there everyday and knows who has activities etc that might conflict. I said I was fine and thanked him for his offer. He pulled up a chair, sat down and was super helpful. Again, I said as little as possible.

Why is he ignoring my request? I handed it to him on a silver platter to stay out of his life. Yes, I do want him back but I want him to respect my request so I can do the no contact thing with him. He is not fitting any of the types of guy reactions with no contact. Or is he, and I’m missing it?

Shannon

May 31, 2017 at 6:41 pm

Why would he keep talking to me thought… I mean, HE ended it and said he didn’t think we could be friends because there is still a strong attraction between us. He didn’t want a big relationship and I did so he ended it. I left him alone … Yes I want him back. But I don’t understand why he insists on coming up to chat to me. Is that a good sign or …? I don’t want to have false hope and be hurt again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2017 at 4:54 pm

it is.. but it can also be because he’s used to talking to you, people do what they’ve used to doing..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2017 at 4:12 pm

if he doesnt respect your request.. let him be.. if you’re not friendly now, he probably will stop too and get that you really meant what you said or he’s just plain disrespectful..

Sam

May 30, 2017 at 5:01 am

Hi all!

I broke up with my boyfriend of only 2 mths. We built a strong connection and it was great but we were working together and we both got fired since according to work policies we werent allowed to have a relationship in the workplace (i was his supervisor and he was my agent), after we both got fired, he broke things off w me. Now i feel in some way he mightve been using me just to move up positions but at the same time i think who would do such a thing 🙁 anyway, this is my 4th day w NC he hasnt contacted me, i havent logged into whatsapp since Friday to avoid looking at his last connection time lol.

Not very proud of this but i begged and cried to him the first 5 days after the breakup, which was May 13th, we kind of spoke after that but i feel he thinks im needy and annoying due to the begging and crying i did, well after the NC which started 4 days ago, we havent talked at all he hasnt texted or called me at all. I miss him 🙁 and its been very difficult not to text him especially when all i did right after the breakup was text and call and cry for him. I dont know what to do anymore i miss him but im learning to move on i got another job (yeay me!!), im focusing on my goals again, im gaining my happiness again but i still want him back. What do yall suggest? 😀

Thanks, xoxo

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2017 at 7:06 pm

just keep doing what you’re doing right now.. that’s good that you’re improving yourself.

Mariposa2134

May 25, 2017 at 3:22 pm

My daughter’s father broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago . I cut all ties with him and he hasn’t bothered to check on his daughter. I do post on Facebook but his page is inactive right now . He left a lot of post about us on there though . Will he contact and try to get back . And we broke up cause I lied about bringing my mom to my house

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2017 at 2:27 pm

that’s the only reason? I’m sorry but to me, that’s just too shallow to break up and go MIA….

laura

May 23, 2017 at 3:40 pm

Hi
So i’ve been dating most amazing man for 3 months – everything was perfect – then he said his ex-wife wanted him to move back to the family home to help with the 2 young children. she wanted him back but their relationship was not good and he assured me he wanted to be with me but he needed some time as he missed his children and didn’t want to burn bridges. We didn’t see each other for 2 months but texted and called – he did most of the initializing. Then we started seeing each other again for a about a month and things took a step forward, showering me with love, affection etc…. he was with me more and we talked about moving in – but he would still go back to the family home. i will add at this point that he does not sleep with her – i do trust that.
I am obviously frustrated and annoyed by the whole thing and have been known to “comment” about the situation. he doesn’t communicate much and he told me he felt pressured by me because i wanted him to move out. I think he is fearful about not being allowed to see his children – which the ex has done in the past.
Then at weekend, i made a big comment and said “i hope your ex knows she’s not with you and you can come and go as you please and be with me properly”. He reacted quite badly and told me he felt i was dictating to him and too much pressure – so “ended it”.
I went into full i want you back mode and sent him loads of messages – freak i know!
He ignored me for a day – but then sent me a goodnight message. since then, he sends goodnight and morning messages – but doesn’t respond to anything else i say.
help please……what do i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2017 at 4:14 pm

Hi Laura,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Bonnie

May 22, 2017 at 9:55 pm

Hi Amor,
14 months ago, when my ex broke up with me, I acted very needy and begged him many times to stay in touch and that I was ok being just friends but he refused, wanting to cut all ties.
Well, we reconnected not too long ago and our conversation went pretty well until I messed up. I thought that I was able to control my emotions this time around but failed and started to become a text gnat. For every text I sent, I expected a response and if he hasn’t responded within a couple of hours or a day, I started to get anxious and kept messaging him, even changing the context/topics just to get his attention and response. I became ‘the frantic texter’, exactly what Chris had described. I am implementing another round of no contact to calm down and recover. It has been day 9th and no words from him. Do you think he has stopped caring? And that explains why he doesn’t even bother to message me? A person’s silence says everything. Lastly, do you think I am doing the right thing by doing no contact? After a planned 30-day NC, should I send him a ‘sorry for keep texting you and being too clingy again’?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2017 at 6:24 pm

Hi Bonnie,

approach like he doesn’t care anymore.. and don’t apologize.. that still shows you havent really moved on from everything

Sophia

May 22, 2017 at 6:29 am

I have read that habits are formed in 21 days.What if the habit of conversing with me almost everyday for 4 years will be done in just 21 days?Should I still extend NC up to 45 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2017 at 1:33 pm

there are different habits.. some say it takes 66 days. you said you responded to his email during nc? that means you broke it and have to restart.. And did you improve yourself and were you active in posting in social media?

Sophia

May 22, 2017 at 6:26 am

Hi Amor,

I am on my 19th day of NC.But before starting this off we did talk about the last time we had an argument.He says that I need to understand our situation but then I don’t want to be hurt again.I told him that after that day (tomorrow is his birthday) I will not bother him anymore and that I will change my numbers and block him off on FB.I told him that I know he will be happy and will not regret not having me around for good.So to speak I started NC on his birthday.After 3 days he did contact me by email wherein he said “Hi,How are you?Im missing you always.” with a sad face and ended it like that.I have muster all the strength to not respond and so I ignored him until this day.But why is it he doesn’t contact me after that one?Is he respecting my decision or is he waiting for me because he is scared?Should I continue in 30 days or extend? By the way I feel better now and was successful with the NC but honestly I wanted him to beg on me so that I will know that after this I will know exactly my place.

Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2017 at 1:33 pm

there are different habits.. some say it takes 66 days. you said you responded to his email during nc? that means you broke it and have to restart.. And did you improve yourself and were you active in posting in social media?

August

May 21, 2017 at 8:13 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and half.. during that time there were plenty of ups and downs. We went through a lot and we have both been under a lot of stress. This lead to arguments and fights and eventually to the break up. We both agreed to break up about a week ago. I moved out and he is getting a roommate. During the week of me moving out I responded only to nessisary things.. and the last couple of days I’ve stuck to the NC rule. He’s been texting random things.. not “hey.. or how are you?” But “did you take this or where is that?” And I haven’t responded. He just sent a text saying “you left all of our pictures behind, did they mean nothing to you?” And I didn’t respond to that either. I still care about him a lot.. and our relationship didn’t end in rage or an outburst.. we both were just so tired of arguing. I definitely think we need time for ourselves.. but I feel bad not explaining what’s going on..
it’s only a couple days into no contact.. I can only imagine how hard a month will be!! Is this the right move??

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 23, 2017 at 6:30 pm

well, you cant really explain nc.. I think you should just do 21 day.. are you active in improving yourself now and in posting?M

Rachel

May 19, 2017 at 3:21 am

Hello!
It’s been almost a month into our break up and he keeps contacting me randomly every week or so. Finally, i told him I need to move on and he needs to stop talking to me. He begged for me to not block him on texting (he gets slotted obsessive). He said he only texts to just check up on me cu I’m like family and I know him the best. It’s been a full month now and I am in no contact strong for a week. Question is, after he said he sees me as family but still checks up on me? Are my chances at him back gone now? Lastly, he constantly views my snapchats. Is that okay or is that breaking no contact rule?
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2017 at 10:38 pm

wait a minute.. do you want to move on? because if you’re intention is to move on, ignore him.. if you want try again, restart nc, improve and be active in posting, and then slowly build rapport and attraction after that. Ignore what he just said about family or whatever..that’s probably just a reason to keep talking because he’s still used to talking to you.

Jenny

May 16, 2017 at 2:33 am

Hello,
I had met this wonderful man 8 months ago. We were dating the first few months and even became Facebook official. Then his ex wanted him back and he broke it off with me. He tried to make it work with her for a week. Then he came to me. We had dated for a couple of months longer events though he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He would come over to my house but didn’t take me one dates and I even started paying here and there. Then, he’s had taken his ex on an expensive Valentine’s date. And, for a week or so they tried again and again failed. Then, for a couple more months him going out with me started to dwindle. A couple weeks ago he stopped kissing back in text messages and stopped telling me he missed me too and started texting me Lesser. Last Monday was the last time we had sex. Then, this Friday I had went over to his house like usual and he seemed annoyed that I was there. He didn’t want to kiss me. , all my emotions built up and I cried and told him I would give him space. On Sunday he text me and told me that he hoped I have a good Happy Mother’s day and at first I was going to ignore him but then a few hours later I text back a Thank you. Every post I have posted on Facebook he likes and before he would just like select posts. This guy is very gorgeous and has ladies chasing him like mad. I just miss what I had with him in the beginning of our relationship and I love him dearly. I have started nc. What else could I do. I know he is talking to other girls and taking them on dates.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 17, 2017 at 6:38 pm

so you actually broke up? check this one:
The Ungettable Girl

Sarah

May 15, 2017 at 8:22 am

Hi there, I have been with a guy long distance for 2 months. We were introduced via mutual friends who were adamant that we would hit it off. We did ad it has been very intense every since. The relationship was long distance with us meeting up every 2 weeks for 3 days at a time. We talked about the future and the chemistry was unlike I have experienced before. However, 2 weeks ago he announced he had a ‘background situation’ he had to deal with but that it would be resolved. He refused to go into detail with me and this obviously fuelled my thoughts and effected the communication as I then began obsessing about it. After stumbling across your site I have been on the NC for 4 days. It is killing me but I know I have to do what I have to do to test this. My argument to him is that if he is not prepared to tell me what it is and why it has not been resolved to date then we cannot move forward. Thoughts please.. xxx

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2017 at 4:33 pm

what if it’s something too personal? no offense but, you have just been 2 months together, it’s not that deep yet.. You have to give him time.. for me, yes, be distant but be a little understanding too.. the more nagging you are about something that he doesn’t want to share, he will be more stubborn about it.

Chloe

May 10, 2017 at 10:21 pm

Hi, so me and my bf were together just under 3 and a half years. We have been through a lot of ups and downs, cheating, trust issue etc, he has broken up with me at least 5 times everytime i initiate NC and he come back within a week or so. He has just broken up with me Saturday, i and to stay at his sleep in his bed until he could take me back to uni on sunday as i had travelled down. He reasons were that he didn’t love me any more and that he had found someone else (the finding someone else I don’t believe) On the car journey back i was a mess i kept crying and begging him to give me a chance but he kept saying no its over repeatedly, i understand i started to annoy him and he doesn’t like emotional things of any sort but i don’t understand.

Just 3 days ago, if that we were talking about moving in together after i graduate, marriage, kids, he said that he loved me millions and that he would always be here for me. I asked him why he said all them nice things if he did love me and he just said it was easier to pretend.

My head is all over the place, i have my final dissertation coming up in 6 days and i can concentrate on anything but him. I am currently in 4 days of NC. He also still has our photo up as his profile picture and is still in a relationship, he has taken anything down from any social media site! Im so confused, i truly love this man with all my heart.

Can i get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 8:02 pm

Since you’re on and off, stick to at least 30 days this time.

Abbie

May 10, 2017 at 10:07 pm

Hi, so my bf and I had been together nearly 3 and a half years. He has broken up with me at least 5 times within the first 2 years because of lack of trust and cheating, ex’s etc. When ever he breaks up with me I go into NC mode and he always come back. However this time he broke up with me he seemed pretty calm, he had been drinking a bit, he said that he no longer loves me and that he found someone (i think he’s lying about the new woman), I asked multiple times if we could take a break and try again but he kept saying no, i did start to wind him up by doing this.

I don’t understand because 2-3 days before we were talking about marriage, moving in together, kids dogs and how he would always love me and be here for me. I don’t understand how one minute we are looking at a future and the next he doesn’t even care.

I did ask him why he said all those things about our future and he just said it was easier to pretend. I really want him back and am currently in NC mode again, 3 days in. He still has his profile photo of us and is still in a relationship with me. I don’t understand but its really effecting my final uni work as I have a deadline in 6 days and i can’t concentrate.

do you think i can get him back?

abbie

May 10, 2017 at 11:23 pm

can i add that we are in a slight long distance relationship when I’m at uni he’s and hour and a half drive from me, but everyday we will be on Skype basically from the minute we wake up until we go to sleep. He will randomly just say he loves me all the time and vice versa, we are very affectionate but that has taken me years for me to get him this way.

when he drove me back to uni on sunday he said stuff like there is too much water under there bridge, its too hard to try to be with me, but these are things i have all heard when he broke up with me before, the only difference is that he was calm, but he is extremely good at hiding feelings.

I am just so confused, I will do anything to get him back. Can you help?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 8:02 pm

Since you’re on and off, stick to at least 30 days this time.

T

May 8, 2017 at 5:47 pm

Hi. (I don’t think me first post went through) So, my boyfriend of 5 years ended things. It was very random because we were seemingly happy, had no recent arguments, and were discussing moving in. He was beginning to struggle with some depression near the end, though. When he broke up with me he gave some vague reasons and eventually said he wanted to sleep around and “experience” other girls. However, he really isn’t doing this. He’s only been with one woman who is ten years older than him who is also a drug addict. She’s been staying the night almost every night and they mainly just drink and smoke. When we broke up, he said he would always love me and that we could still talk and see each other and if I wanted to, we could still have a physical relationship. Although I knew it was probably a bad idea, because of the random nature of the breakup, I was using him as a crutch and turned to him when I was really upset. I think this began to push him away because he either felt guilty or because he wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to treat me yet as his ex. So, he did a major 180 and became kind of distant. On two different occasions in the couple days after we broke up, he agreed to let me spend the night. On the first, after I came over and was had sex, he asked if I was still planning to stay and proceeded to tell me he’d gotten the signals crossed and that his lady friend would be expecting to stay. I reluctantly went along with it but made sure to plan the next sleepover night a couple days in advance. He seemed cool with it. That day, again, we saw each other earlier and had sex. He was acting very unusual. That night we were texting while he was at work and I came to get pick him up so we could go to his apartment. He came out to my car and literally cancelled on me at the last minute. We got into an argument because I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t let me stay, why he told me I could if he didn’t want me to, and why he thought that was okay. He said things like “you can stay another night” and eventually again said he would always love me. As he got more angry, he said he didn’t want to break my heart but he related to her more right now and would prefer her to stay over and that if i stayed he’d want to get back together with me or I would be trying to get us back together. I was really annoyed and hurt so I told him if he didn’t let me stay, it’d be the last time I could see him. First he seemed to get a little emotional but then pulled himself together and his response was “i doubt it. I don’t see that happening. I think you’ll definitely see me again.” So I took this as a challenge and began NC. I am on day 3 and the struggle is real. So I’m wondering, did he really take me seriously when I said I wouldn’t see him anymore because I’m pretty sure I didn’t mean it. Also, is it likely that he will contact me during NC or will he probably be a stubborn guy? I see more of a stubborn guy, but I think he really wants to keep a physical relationship going just based off the sex we had after the breakup. He literally said to me that that was NOT going to end. How desperate is he, then?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 4:12 pm

he would likely contact you but even if he doesn’t..the more important thing is that you dont have sex with him again…check this one:
My Ex Boyfriend Wants To Sleep With Me… Should I?

Taylor

May 8, 2017 at 5:28 pm

Hi. My boyfriend of five years just recently broke up with me. He gave some vague different reasons like he wanted to sleep around but he has been letting one older woman stay at his place every night so they could smoke and drink. (And she’s an addict) He said he was still cool with us talking and hanging out so at first that’s what I set out to do. I was struggling with our breakup because it was so random so I turned to him when I was upset. I know this pushed him away some but he also seemed to be having mood swings about how he treated me be whether he should care or not. On two different occasions, I was supposed to spend the night at his house. On the first, he told me his lady friend would assume she could stay the night and her phone didn’t work so he’d have no way to tell her I was staying and claimed to get the signals crossed. The second time, we planned it days in advance and he cancelled on me literally at the last minute and we got into an argument. He still says he will always love me but he said if I stayed he would want to get back together and that I was just doing it to get him back. The more mad he got, he said more things like he related more with his lady friend right now and preferred her to stay over me. I told him it wasn’t that way but if he didn’t let me stay then I couldn’t see him anymore because he was basically playing with me and dragging me around emotionally. He seemed emotional at first but then very seriously said that he doubted it and it definitely would NOT be the last time we saw each other. This felt like a challenge to me so I began a NC. It’s only been 3 days. But is it likely that since he didn’t believe me that he will contact me or is he going to be a stubborn guy? Both sound possible but I also think he still really wants a physical relationship with me. I don’t want to completely push him away though and the NC scares me into thinking I will sometimes!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 4:12 pm

he would likely contact you but even if he doesn’t..the more important thing is that you dont have sex with him again…check this one:
My Ex Boyfriend Wants To Sleep With Me… Should I?

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