The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

ayla

March 22, 2018 at 8:43 pm

hi there:)
i dont know how to start but
ummmm. well dated a guy about ayear and half
our relationship was well even though we had little fights

about a month ago w fought so bad that he broke my heart i so did i
but after the break up w were in contact with each other
and it seems that he calmed down

now i want to start no contct rule on him
can it be help full
cuz it seems like he is mad at me even if he calmed down

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2018 at 6:09 pm

Hi Ayla

If you’re back together, don’t do nc.. Talk to him and ask if he’s angry..

Shelly

March 17, 2018 at 12:52 am

Regarding the angry guy reaction: This perfectly defines my ex-boyfriend and I really want him back. So what do I do? Just wait? I didn’t cheat on him… I may not have been the world’s most perfect girlfriend but he was my first relationship after my divorce and I was his longest relationship ever (a year and a half.) It’s been three weeks and the last time we talked he was viciously mean – not at all the guy I knew.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2018 at 4:44 pm

Hi Shelly,

Why was he angry?

KJ June

March 15, 2018 at 12:37 pm

The last question in this article sums it all up,

“Do I want to do this again?”

We should ask ourselves this question, those of us who are in various states of break ups and NCs.

The reflection and answer will either move you on or empower you with patience to get your ex back.

loubelle

April 10, 2018 at 11:19 pm

exactly, i was still holding on to what he promised for 5 years but never delivered. he was a completely different person to who he painted himself as. do not fall for it, all talk no action. i have had 10 weeks of reflection and NC, i finished with a future faker after 5 years, i do not want to go through it again, i know he moves on quickly after a relationship (when he got with me he was a few days out of a relationship) , serial monogomist but a commitment phobe lol. i have no doubt he took the cowards way out and treated me indifferently so i finished it, i also feel as usual he had someone else lined up. go no contact stay no contact. go find a man who resepcts you and who will fight for you.

Molly

March 8, 2018 at 6:04 am

Hi, I was dating this guy for a year but since April we always get into small arguments once every month. Mostly started by me. We broke up once end of July 2017 and In January he broke up with me again. I really regret taking him for granted and want to change. He took my fighting as I didn’t appreciate him but the true fact is I really do love him. His friends said they are suprised by how long he lasted with a girl like me. This time he cut all contacts with me. Blocked me on WhatsApp, fb & insta but he is still friends with my friends and my cousin recently added him as a friend in fb he accepted. I couldn’t complete the NC rule and always ended up sending him a text or email him after a few days. It going to be nearly 2 months and he still sticking with his decision.
Lexy

March 3, 2018 at 5:27 pm

Hi there,
I was exclusively dating this guy for 4 months until he broke off with me last night. & I asked him out again today to have a talk at my place. Then, I asked him to date casually with me instead, since the main reason for us not working out is that he doesn’t want to be in any committed relationship or sort. He got stressed up and vexed as I kept insisting on it, & things didn’t turn out well and he left my place.
When we first met, he was out of his previous relationship for 9 months. He was almost over his ex, but not fully. So I guess I am a rebound girl for him.
When we started dating, he has been saying that because his last relationship really destroyed him, he doesn’t want to jump into anything. He just want to take his time and enjoy being single. I, on the other hand, haven’t been seeing anybody for 4 years because I was hurt badly in my last relationship. So I understood him when he says he don’t want to be committed and we’ll just be dating but exclusively. So as we date, he kept pulling back and we would have a lot of quarrels over many things. I wasn’t expecting or doing anything to try to get him to commit, but he kept thinking that I am expecting us to be in a committed relationship soon. So he said that we should take a break and we should both think about whether we really want to date again. This cycle went on thrice. For the third time, I didn’t want to agree to it. I just want nothing to do with him anymore, but he begged me and asked me to trust him this one last time, that he will put in his best effort and work towards having a relationship with me. Given that I still like him, I’m willing to try again this last time. But just within the first week, he started pulling back again, and ask me to consider if we should do casual dating instead because he’s really still not ready for anything serious. I didn’t want that, so we just continued as normal. & on Valentine’s Day, he didn’t ask me out & didn’t buy me anything, I was a little bit upset. & he felt stressed when I told him that. Since then, his attitude towards me took a 180 degree turn. He pulled back even more and texted me lesser and lesser until three days ago, he totally stopped texting me. He has always been the one to initiate to text me, but for that three days I’ve been the one texting him. And he either didn’t talk much or he didn’t reply.
& finally last night, he told me he really just want to be single and he doesn’t want to be even dating anyone. He just want to be left alone. He wants to do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants, without having to consider about another person. He doesn’t want to even do casual dating with me now because he knows that he will ultimately hurt me again and he doesn’t want that. He says the timing is just not right. He still likes me, and he still thinks of his ex at times.
He said that he thinks it is better for us to end off earlier than he continues to lead me on for a prolonged period of time and nothing comes out of it.
He also said that he is sure that I will get over him in just two three weeks and I will be able to find someone much better than him and someone who is ready to commit to me. He said that with my outgoing personality, there will be a lot of guys coming after me.
How should I go about my situation? We both work at the same place and he doesn’t feel comfortable seeing me or any of my coworkers that I’m close with.
I really really like this guy and would really want to have a future with him. I’ve bought your ebook and am on my 1st week of NC with him. I’ve tried posting Instagram stories but he refuses to watch my story even though he is always on Instagram every 15-30mins. Do I still have a chance with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2018 at 11:48 am

Hi Lexy,

Do regular instagram posts, not the stories.. And realistically, you have a different expectation from him…he wants casual dating, you dont. You can’t expect him to act someway he doesn’t want to.. So, think about if you still want to try with him because you’re not in the same page…

Kas

February 28, 2018 at 6:59 pm

I thought it was in this article but somewhere on this site there was an article that gave a short list of what he’s thinking during no contact. It was something like day 1-7 And so on…. I can’t find it and it really has helped in the past the push through… can someone find me that link?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 11:51 am

Hi Kas,

You mean this one?
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule

Nurul Fitri

February 28, 2018 at 9:51 am

Hi, I had an ex boyfriend 2 years younger than me. We have known each other since August 2017 and we decided to start dating 1 month later. First everything so wonderful, we meet almost everyday, he understand me and so do I. Then, In the 3rd months of our relationship my ex seems starting less care, he doesn’t make me his priority, he spent a lot of time with his friends. So I talk to him, I demand him to make me his priority a little bit and always give me his time to just tell me his condition when we were away. There so many ups an downs, most of all we fights. He seems he doesnt want to change like I want him to. He became childish and stubborn. He seems like he porposefuly make me mad. Everytime we talk about our problem he blew me away, I came up with a solution he didn’t want to hear that. Actually I ever ask him to break up with me, when he said that he want it to I changed my mind and ask him time to fix this out first. We still dating but than he became worse than ever. Our relationship last for just 5 months. He broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he thought that He can’t continue this relationship. He feels he really want to hurt me more than ever and He said that he doesn’t love me anymore. I cried, I still love him and I really want to fix it. But he doesn’t want to. He left me. He said maybe we can be just friend like before and I accepted. After break up I still text him few times, he replied, he text me once. But I’m starting the NC since 7 days ago, is it still possible to us?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 11:02 am

Hi Nurul,

Well, we can’t change other people.. You have to think about your standards before thinking about getting back together with him..

Sarah

February 28, 2018 at 8:17 am

Just want to ad to my last post…regarding my question has he moved on what did he mean by saying ” I will regret it but so be it” he broke up with me because he said he did not love me any more, hade lost his feelings fore me. A few days earlier we talked about the house we where looking for, just bought a car, planade a wedding date…what did i miss? What did my family miss? What did his family miss? What did our friends miss? I’m -we all are still clueless???

loubelle

April 10, 2018 at 11:23 pm

he future faked you sorry. promised you a future , until it started to get closer then he ran. typical commitment phobe. He moved on by saying ‘i will regret it but so be it’, any man who loves you so much and thinks you are th eone for him would not go so easily. let him go.go no contact, if he wants you he will get in touch come hell or high water, if he doesnt then you know your answer
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 10:57 am

Hi Sarah,

Maybe it was too early for him to get married. He knows he’ll miss you but it’s just not the time for him to be married.

Sarah

February 28, 2018 at 8:06 am

Hi, we broke up in september last year. He broke up with me. We where engaged to get married this summer. Togehther for 5 and a half years. We hade to live together until december last year. No contact since then. We did not end it with fights or me pleading or begging. I just asked him if he thinks he will regreat it and his answer was yes but then so be it.
He still goes to the gym with my brother and go shopping, but we have not sen eachother since 1 december. Im 22 and he is 23. Has he moved on? Why the answer “I will regret it but then so be it”.
Cara

February 27, 2018 at 4:52 pm

The problem is he has removed me from all social media accounts, so I figure that’s not a good sign. Is this an indication that I should just give up or should I still try to text and build rapport?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2018 at 3:43 pm

That’s ok, you just have to make your account public, so that when he gets curious, he will see your posts and avoid fb, ig stories or snapchat because they disappear after 24 hours.. Try to rebuild rapport after your 2 week extension. If it doesn’t progress, move on..

Cara

February 27, 2018 at 2:09 am

We broke up a month ago and we were together for 8 months. There were times that I was worried he may have been hiding something from me/being a bit shady with his phone (a couple things happened that brought this on, and I had brought it up at those times too). I’m also not sure if I was just overanalyzing/being paranoid and nagging him because I was emotional, so that is where I blame myself. The day this all started I had asked him if he was messaging someone, he got upset and said I don’t trust him and that he needed time to think. I had apologized and explained my point of view but he was still indecisive and aloof. We broke up a couple weeks later, only after I asked if he wanted to (over text). I broke NC a few days after that (responding to my comment below).

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 2:45 pm

well, he has to think that you’re moving on.. so, if you’re not active in improving yourself and in posting, do that first for at least two weeks and then initiate contact in texts first to slowly rebuild rapport.. Let go of that talk.. you don’t want him to think you’re chasing.

Lindsey

February 23, 2018 at 11:54 pm

My ex and I still live together and we have had brief periods of no contact and then it all explodes one night. Do I still have a chance of getting him back if I initiate the no contact rule? We still have to live together for two more months

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 10:57 am

Hi Lindsey,

Check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Dumped in Texas

February 23, 2018 at 7:19 pm

Well my situation doesn’t fall in to any of those. My ex wanted to remain friends. I obliged for the first week but it was too hard for me to separate relationship us from friends us, he considers me one of his best friends. Maybe not anymore because a couple of days ago (being a week since we broke up) I told him I needed time and space, I hope he understood, and that I would be in touch. He seemed irritated telling me I already had time and space and to have a good day. We have not spoken since. I can’t tell where his head is at. I was hoping to get some clarity here but to no avail. Good article anyway.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 10:35 am

Hi Dumped in Texas,

check this one:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

PRIYA

February 23, 2018 at 2:40 am

I broke the NC rule on 4th day by talking with him 2 hours but I wont think this is the right time to get him back because by talking to him I get to know that he just want me in his life because he wont have any option right now.I don’t know what to do . Please guide me
because he still thinks that he can get me back anytime by manuplating the whole thing and situation.he thinks that I am still in his control.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 9:56 am

Hi Priya,

check this one:
The Ungettable Girl

Cara

February 20, 2018 at 10:20 pm

I broke NC after a few days. The texts ended with me telling him to let me know if he ever wanted to meet and talk. He didn’t respond until 17 days later saying we can talk sometime, and that he didn’t want to say nothing even though it’s been a while. I responded saying I understand that you needed time. I don’t understand why he even said anything. What does this mean? Should I start NC over or just move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2018 at 10:53 pm

Hi Cara,

When and why did you break up? How long were you together?

Kimmy

February 16, 2018 at 10:07 pm

Well I’d really just want to know if this distance will affect him like it did the first time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 1:10 pm

If he has moved on to another girl, doing nc would help you appear like you’re not chasing.. Because basically he has moved on already.. If you keep contacting him, you’re more likely to annoy him

Kimmy

February 15, 2018 at 10:22 am

My ex moved on with someone else and this is the second time I’m in no contact. The first time I went three weeks and when I contacted him he broke down completely. Feelings were still there then. However I went to his place and saw another girl there. I behaved emotionally. He said he is going to move on because its the best thing for him even though he loves me. I’ve gone into a second round of NC. This time I may use it as a tool to move on together with prayer. However, I do feel like this time even his feelings will fade and he too will emotionally move on simply because of me seeing him with her and him being firm in his decision to move on. My question is, how will this second round of NC affect him. Am I correct that it may not have too much of an effect on him and he’ll move on more easily?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 6:03 pm

Hi Kimmy,
If you’re really moving on, it doesn’t matter if he moves on or not..

Ashley

February 9, 2018 at 6:24 pm

Hi there,

So my ex broke up with me 11 days ago. I have not reached out to him but he has contacted me twice, once to ask for rent money and the second to ask to get a few things from our apartment. I was brief with replies, not overly chatty or anything, I told him I sent the rent and said you’re welcome after he said thank you. When he asked about getting a few things i just said yes and what time and told him the door would be unlocked. I know I read that you should not reply during NC but these situations were kind of necessary as it pertained to bills and his belongings (he didn’t take everything and actually only took like 4 things). I made sure I was not around when he came to get his things and he did a few odd things while I was gone, he also lingered for a lot longer than one would take to get the items he took. For instance I had two cards sitting on top of a notebook and some papers that were on top of a hamper with his clothes, the notebook and papers ended up on the floor but the cards are gone. One card was from when he didn’t something awful and apologized for it and the other was from when I messed up and apologized. The second thing was he left a cookbook on the counter for me that he got me for Christmas. The book had originally been sitting by the bed still in the bag from the book store. Not saying these mean anything I just found them odd. He also still looks at my instagram stories and has not deleted my pictures off his profile on instagram. There was something that happened early on in our relationship that he can’t get over and was his main reasoning for calling it quits, he stuck around for 2 years after the fact though, we had been together 3 years and two months. We had been going to counseling and were making progress, although he wasn’t staying at home with me during this time, he would come over when he wanted to a few times a week. I guess I just need some advice on if I should still continue with NC and see where it goes? Or just any advice in general? I moved to a different state for this guy and I definitely don’t want it to end (I know most people never do). It’s been really hard not contact him but I’ve got the mind set that if he did want to talk to me he would….so that keeps me from breaking the NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 12:21 pm

HI Ashley,

Are you continuing to do, see or talk to( if the reason is a person) the reason he broke up with you?

Ashley

February 6, 2018 at 1:57 pm

I was dating a guy for7 months, we were friends for about 6 months before that. We got into an argument over text, and he told me he we were done. ( this had happened before but he did talk to me after a period ) Now if course I tried talking to him for about 3 weeks after that. I sent text messages and called 2x. He responded maybe 3 times to messages. He said he will always miss me, but that we r not meant to b together. (He can b a little dramatic and kind of like woo is me) he won’t say He doesnt care for me ,just kept repeating that. He truly appeared to care very deeply for me , he’s usually a fairly cold person but was never like that w me . Anyway I started nc finally on sat . Is it too late ? I already wasted 3 weeks contacting him in and off. It also doesn’t help that he has 0 social media accts and chances of seeing me are slim because we live an hour apart and I’m pretty sure he deleted all of our pics off of his phone.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:15 pm

Hi Ashley,

You can still do it and you still have to do public posts in case he gets curious.

Ai

February 4, 2018 at 12:07 am

Hello, my name is Ai. I am currently on my 7th day of the no contact period. But I am afraid I have made the worst decision for the past weeks.

So I was dating this guy for 5 years, every weekend he would visit me or stay the night through sat-sun for like, almost every week. We first met at college and have been dating happily since. Then last year, we graduated together and started getting ourselves a job. At first I didn’t notice anything but my ex slowly ‘disappeared’ from my life after he got a job, there were nights when I found out he was hanging out without me without even telling me (this hasn’t happened before). Pissed, I gnatted him for weeks, we had a nasty big fight and in the end it would always be irreconcible. He mentioned that he needed space from me, but I wasn’t able to give him because I don’t understand the reason why (we do not have any problem, not at all). I too realize that I gnatted him so much into a corner so I said I will give him all the space he needs (finally), but somehow we still talked and met a few times. But during those times I noticed that he does not enjoy spending time with me, his face would sulk so much, in the end of the day we would fight about it. And then we kept fighting every week. During our last meeting, he said that he still loves me, but only deep inside. He said he is afraid to be with me, and he doesn’t know whether he could love me like the way he used to. I was crying so much that day I even begged him not to leave me, and I noticed that he kept slipping away from me. Last monday, he sent me a long text saying that he is sorry he wasn’t able to love me anymore like he used to. He also said that he is unsure of what is happening with him but he doesn’t think that he could work things out with me. He kept apologizing, but I can sense that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and it drove me into a corner. I felt horrible, and sadness took over me. After that text I only replied “I am sorry for what I’ve done” and decided to never contact him ever again. I am not sure whether we had broken up or not but I don’t feel any bond anymore. I cried so much, that I don’t even know what to think anymore. I still think of him from time to time but I just don’t think it will work out again. I am so disappointed in him for leaving me just like that, but I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I am only on my 7th day of the no contact rule… but I just had this feeling that it won’t affect anything, and we are done just like that. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 1:05 pm

HI Ai,

Well, it sounds like he fell out of love but that have the balls to break up with you and it looks like he’s just waiting for you to say it. Check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”