The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

410 thoughts on “The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends”

Claire

July 1, 2014 at 11:46 am

Hi Chris.
First of all, you rock! I really appreciate your site and constantly come here for advice or source of strength. I hope it gets more and more exposure every day :).

Now I’m confused. I dated my ex for 2 years, mostly LDR and 8 months in the same city, on and off a few times. 3 months ago he moved away, we had a fight and broke up. But we got back in touch soon after. We remained how we were in a relationship but didn’t specify it. Two weeks ago we had a stupid fight. I was really harsh on him and pissed him off. He threw a tantrum and went silent for 2 weeks, right during the time when I was on a trip to vegas with my friends. A little before the end of the 2nd week of silence, I decided to break the ice and send him a picture I took on my trip, a picture of me eating a sundae. He replied immediately saying “Idk what is better looking. The sundae or the lady :)”. And then I told him vegas was fun and he would really enjoy it. He said “maybe we could go together someday”. Positive and flirty. I thought we were good!. However 2 days later when I called him, he said it wasn’t a good time and he would call tomorrow. The next day, he took the entire day and finally called me late at night. He was driving then, and he said it was the only time(20 minutes or so) he had to talk to me because after he got home he has to sleep and wake up early for work. I apologized for letting the fight get out of control. He said he accepted my apology, but he wanted to break things off with me completely. Unless I’m willing to be his friends only, he would cut me off. He also repeated a few times and made sure I understood that he was now “SINGLE”. I asked him why, he said he changed a lot for the past two weeks, and he met another girl he was interested in. He said he didn’t know much about her yet, and she told him that she was seeing someone, but he might still try to seek a relationship with her. I said it was fine. I only called to ask how he was doing and tell him about my trip. And we started talking. I asked him if he saw the photos I posted on fb. He said he did, and if it wasn’t inappropriate he would tell me I look “really hot” in those pictures. Then he told me despite everything he was still attracted to me. He even asked me to visit him next month, and said he would visit me soon within this month. He suggested that we have sex, but I said I would not have sex with him unless we were in a relationship. He sounded disappointed and said he respected it but tried to change my mind by telling me to “just try it”,”shut off my head and listen to my body” and that “people can be attracted to each other while being friends”, He has “always missed me because I’m a good person (WTF?)”. We ended up talking on the phone for 3 hours (tho he said he didn’t have time)! He even sent me a picture of himself, and called back again to make sure if I got it after we had said goodnight…

I mean I’m confused! I know guys sometimes would use their ex gfs for sex, and it kind of felt like I was in that situation. But are they usually willing to travel hundreds of miles to get it? all while they already have a new love interest? So he is attracted to me physically, thinks I’m great, but only sees me as a friend(huh??). Is he looking for “the greener”? Can you tell me what the hell is with this guy and what he wants? Is he a jerk, a liar, or simply confused as fuck?

Thanks a lot!!

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:55 am

I don’t know, sounds like he is just trying to get you for sex…. Like he just wants to use you. And that’s not cool.

Darcy

June 26, 2014 at 10:59 pm

Hi Chris!

Could use some advice. Long story short I managed to start contacting my ex again after about five months after I found your incredible site, he seemed really interested and we even met up (all this is because I followed your advice to the letter by the way). The problem is I then got drunk and slept with him on the first night. Oh the shame! This is a bigger deal than usual for me because he and I were FWB before and we’re never official. Since that he has gone off the boil completely. He has stopped texting as much and only called me once (although that was to ask me if I was still meeting him that evening) obviously I thought that was a good sign but that evening he stood me up. Complete no show. About an hour passed and I felt silly and hurt but I tried to keep my calm. I text him this “I’m going to assume that this is ur way of telling me you don’t want to see me anymore. You’re probably right, if we’re not both into it. It’s a shame though, I really enjoyed the time we spent together. I hope you’re good. No hard feelings.” I have no idea if that was the right thing to do but a few minutes after he text saying he had just got off the phone to his ex (he was apparantly arguing about getting some stuff back he left five years ago). He called. I answered but no apology. I was polite and hung up. I text him tonight thinking maybe he really had just gotten carried away and forgot to tell him I was gunna be in the area tomorrow if he fancied a catch up. He checked his whatsapp so I know he got it but… You guessed it. No reply. What now? I’m so mad for getting drunk and giving it up so easily (I’ve never had this problem with any other guy but it’s all we ever did and that “stuff” comes so naturally for us which obviously is a big part of my issue). Oh also, just so u know I broke every rule in your book when we… split?… Stopped? Erm whatever, before which ultimately led him to block me on his iphone. I wasn’t expecting him to be so receptive in the first place, I think it may have lulled me into a false sense of security. Sooooo, my question is… Have I blown it? Can I pull of an FWB escape if I manage to get him to talk to me again? Starting 30 days no contact tomorrow, but would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks.
Darcy

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:39 pm

You know what, I might want to write something about escaping FWB…
Darcy

June 29, 2014 at 10:18 pm

That would be AWESOME! Within the next 28 days would be good (no pressure) ha ha! In the mean time, do you have any advice for me on how to go about this?

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, I know it must be tiring, keeping up with all us stupidly emotional women. And just so you know, everything you write works perfectly when followed to the letter just wish I hadn’t let my nerves get to me. My new mantra?…
Ignore feelings. LISTEN to Chris! 🙂
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:38 pm

I am actually working on something else right now but after I finish that I can do the FWB post.
Sydney

July 7, 2014 at 3:24 pm

escaping FWB post would be awesome! There’s probably quite a few of us out there who can’t get out of it, haha
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:10 pm

I am definitely going to write one on that!!!

confused

June 26, 2014 at 7:15 pm

so yesterday,
i posted a picture of myself on Instagram in a bathing suit with a caption of “Morning Swim” . So our (mine and my ex) mutual friend commented tagging my ex so he would see the picture. I haven’t really talked to this mutual friend in a while and my ex and i have been silent for a little over 8 months. why would he do this and they must still talk because my ex is best friends with him on snapchat. When my ex unblocked me on snapchat he then tweeted “stressed if I should do it” i don’t know if its related but maybe you could answer my questions.
Thanks Chris

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Maybe he is a spy for your ex?
confused

July 1, 2014 at 3:41 pm

Ya maybe… ok so yesterday he tweeted “its gonna be a long hot summer we should be together”
a friend of his commented saying”i think i know who this is about lmao”
ex: “not obvious enough? lmao”
Friend: ” do you think you guys will be together or nah..”
Do think its someone else? its gonna be nine months tomorrow since we haven’t spoken. 🙁
confused

July 3, 2014 at 4:49 am

Hey Chris,
sorry to bother you again but I was rereading your article ” Has he moved? Get your ex back if he has a girlfriend” I have a few questions.
My ex deleted me from snapchat
muted me on twitter
most likely deleted my number. I say most likely because i am to afraid to text him. How do I build up that confidence to get rid of the fear of rejection?
I am almost positive the girl he talking about is not me…:'( But what keeps me going is what you said //It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor It seems like he is just isolating him self from me. We haven’t spoke in 9 months. What gives me so much hope is //He will remember all the good things will there be another article on this? Will he remember the good times?
Thank you so much,
P.s sorry for being a pest
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:30 pm

You actually might want to check out the 2.0 version of that artice!

MIranda

June 25, 2014 at 10:26 pm

Chris,
Do you think it’s possible to get an ex back if he was really adoring of you (my bf fawned over me constantly in the 1.5 years we were together) but ultimately broke up because of too much fighting (about once a week) and me being controlling (I wasn’t doing it on purpose; in fact, I didn’t know until after I did some reading after we broke up that some of the things i was saying/doing was controlling.) The guy had a lot of passion for me when we were together, but felt (he said in the end, and I heard through a friend) that I was subtly controlling and bossy. I love him a lot and want him back, but he hasn’t budged on getting back together. I have not talked to him in 3 months (been broken up for four). He might still be single; I don’t know. I know “controlling” is a hard thing to overcome, but honestly, I didn’t know I was being controlling. I want a second chance. Do you think it’s possible?

admin

June 26, 2014 at 3:25 pm

Give me an example of how you were controlling?

T

June 25, 2014 at 3:08 am

Hey Chris!

When my ex dumped me there was no hate it was simply me being too clingy which naturally caused him to lose feelings and “fall out of love”. Before I found your website we still hung out for a little over 2 months (platonically). I asked if he would be willing to work things out. He said no. This caused me to place the no contact rule in play (I told him I need to try and move on, he agreed to it). However, its been 6 months since we last talked. He ignored my attempt to reach out after 40 days. This caused me to go 6 months NC and attempt to move on. After having multiple dates with different people I have come to the conclusion that I am still stuck on him and really want him back. I already won him back once before after almost 2 YEARS NC and making every mistake in the book.

He has not been in a relationship since me which is weird since he told me he really wanted to move on and date other girls. I know enough time has gone by since the split, but I am terrified to reach out again. I don’t want him to still think of me as clingy. I’ve been trying to work on myself since the split, but I feel like if I reach out he is gonna still think of me as pathetic and clingy or worse ignore me again.

Would you still ignore me if you were in his shoes?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:21 pm

What is it about him that you can’t get past?
T

June 25, 2014 at 6:43 pm

I guess it is just the fact that I’ve known him since I was young. We were best friends for years before we dated. We didn’t really have a bad relationship, I just was going through a lot these past few years, so I clung to him. The clinginess is what caused our relationship to end. The connection I had with him was amazing. My bonds with my closest friends don’t even come close to the bond we had. I think that is why its hard for me to open up to new guys because I don’t feel that connection. I know it all kind of sounds silly.

The breakup was definitely needed. I needed a wake up call to stop clinging to him. I never gained weight or let myself go in the relationship, but my clinginess definitely killed the attraction. Since the split I’ve hit the gym harder, got tanner, got my teeth professionally whitened, cleared up my skin a little more, and saw a therapist to work on my personal issues/clingy tendencies. Even if I don’t get him back I will be happy knowing I made these great improvements. Unfortunately I still miss him like crazy 🙁
T

June 25, 2014 at 7:41 am

Actually its been 7 months NC. I guess it is good I am starting to forget haha.

Sophie

June 24, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Hi I commented on another page but this one is actually pretty relevant to my situation so thought I’d comment here. I’m on day 20 of NC and he hasn’t contacted me and I can’t see him doing so in honesty. He definitely got GIGS though & he said he cant think of anything he dislikes about me, on the day we broke up. Is there any hope (from him saying that) that he’ll come back, or should I be skeptical about it?

admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Well ya there is a chance BUT it may take some time and a number of factors have to occur.
Sophie

June 25, 2014 at 11:22 pm

Thanks for getting back to me. What kind of factors?
Nicola

June 30, 2014 at 2:12 am

I have been seeing my partner for 17 years and he walked out on me and his son. He started seeing a girl that we both knew because her son and my son are the best of friends that attend the same and school and in the same grade they are 5 years old. And the next blow we live in the same area . He moved out and lives with his mom, the person who he is talking to lives the next street and I live one corner down so I get the situation right in my door mouth so to speak. I have begged him to come back home. His son has also begged him. I do love him and I want my family together. His son has got up through the night crying for his dad. I don’t undestand how he could do this to us by disrespecting me like that. But I willing to forgive. I wondering if he believes the grass is greener on the other side. I know he lied to her saying that he slept in different beds. So I now their relationship started with him luring to her. It has been a month that he his left. And it is so hard. He still has the keys to house and I know when I leave to go work he comes and spend the day before he picks up our child. He still have me on his bank account. I get mix feeling from him. I didn’t ask foe the keys back because I am hoping one day he will be here. I knowthatshe has ask him to move in. I know that he is getting pressure from both side. Put how can he do that to his own child by seeing his best friend mother. What should I do
G

June 30, 2014 at 7:52 pm

Hi Nicola, wow! Your story is exactly the same as mine. Only we’re together for 7 years. We also have 5 year olds and my partner also left me for my son’s best friend who happens to be one of my closest friends. It hurts like hell and tomorrow will be the first month that he left. The only difference is that when he left she asked him to moved in with her and he did. What i am doing right now is less contact, he always text me during the day to ask how our son is but i only reply once in the afternoon. After 2 days of them being together he already said to me he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. This all happened under my nose without any hint of what’s going on. When i asked him when did they start, he said they start talking how they feel just 2 days before he left. For me this is a bit weird to be declaring how much he loves her for less than a week. I know that they started talking a week before this happens coz i wasn’t around and he went to pick up our son and took him 2 hrs to get home coz he said they were talking about random stuff while the boys are still playing. I still want him back for few weeks but at this point i don’t know if i do coz i feel more at peace now that he’s not here. I am still angry at the woman for leading him on (i know she did based on what he told me). I am angry for betraying me and using me ( i was babysitting her son 3 days in a row up to the day he left).
Nicola

July 3, 2014 at 2:09 am

Wow it is just an hurtful, stressful experience. I just don’t get why other females break up homes when children are involves for their selfish reason. And the fathers of our children who allow women to seduce them. I am would distrout if he was to move in with her cause it is right in my face in the same neighborhood and school and grade. Today he has been texting but short like saying hi, hello, what you’ll guys doing. Then he called but I let my son answer and he left a message saying he loved me. He called back and then I asked him if he left message for me but then he said he told our son the he love him. Then he said my son asked what about my mom and that is when he said he loved both of us. But he lied my son never asked what about mommy cause I was right there. I have spoken of text from Monday so I think he started to get scared so he started to call and text. But I will not break I will not text back. I feel lilttle empowered by not texting but still scared and longing to say something back.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Because other females are jealous and want it probably.

You are right though. It’s a very hurtful and stressful experience and my heart really goes out to you.
Nicola

July 8, 2014 at 3:29 am

He came to drop off our lil boy this evening then ask if he can take a bath. I feel like he is confuse because he messed up to house holds that he doesn’t know what to do. His lies has finally caught up with him. And he’s not being a man to deal with it. I think he just want it to disappear. He hasbagreed for us to go to my pastor to get some counseling. I don’t want to get excited. But it is a start. May be he will open up and some things resolves. It is scary. What do you think it means nice he agreed?
Nicola

July 10, 2014 at 2:41 am

We went for counseling yesterday. He did open up to one of the biggest problem he has with me is the way I speak to him. He said he held that in for a long time so the pastor asked him way he didn’t let me know he was feeling before it got to a point. He also spoke about the qualities he saw in me and the love he had for me. The pastor asked him if he ever told me and he said no. So the pastor asked with all the qualities he just spoke about what was the problem. He said the way I spoke to him made him feel less than a man sometimes. We also spoke about him seeing this lady. He said there is nothing on a sexual base put he likes her company. He said she doesn’t pressure which I feel like that is a lie. He said she is waiting on any de Siskin that he makes. Which the pastor responded that he can’t believe that because this is the lady that likes you and she is not putting any pressure to you. The pastor informed us that he doing this counseling not for him to move back in put for marriage. The pastor did a shock question to him saying since I have all these qualities move back home tonight his reaction was what move back tonight put the pastor I just wanted to throw that out. He said he never slept by the lady house. I feel like he was somewhat honest but still hiding things. He has agreed to a next counseling session. Put the pastor asked him how come he didn’t come back home he said that he is working on himself. Which I kind of understand put don’t because you have been gone for 7 or 8 weeks now and you haven’t worked on yourself as yet. The pastor pointed out that you left your abounded your family to make somebody else family secure and yours undone especially your son. I still have faith that we will get back together. I am holding on to faith that he will chose his family. It just disappointing that he has take so long to see what he wants. I feel like because he knows I want him he is safe put because what ever relationship him in this lady has and what he has told her is playing on him what to do. Because ashy would agree to do counseling and even go on a second one? What is he thinking?
Nicola

September 3, 2014 at 2:28 am

Hi it has been over 3 months now and me and my ex still aren’t together. He hasn’t made no head way to return home. He still hasn’t admit to seeing this girl. He hasn’t made a decision about us. He still have the keys to the house and I am still on his bank account. What should I do cause he isn’t talking about getting back together. I thought by now he would been back home
admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:34 pm

I don’t believe him about it being nothing sexual. I think he is lying.

Emotional connection leads to physical connection.
admin

June 30, 2014 at 2:52 pm

I think he made a mistake….

The new girl. Is she younger?
Nicola

July 2, 2014 at 12:37 am

Yes she 10 years younger than him. He has me so confuse because I am still on his bank account he still has the keys to the house. So when I go to drop our child to school and I go to work. he comes and spend the day until he picks up our child then go to his mom place to get ready to go to work. I don’t want to ask the keys back because I feel like one day he will move back. It has been five weeks since he left and I have begged him to come him his child has also did the same. I have heard that she as asked him to moved in. But when I asked him he said no she didn’t. But his nephew said he asked him what he think so I got the information from his nephew and that put me in panic mood. The bank account and keys give me hope that he will return. But scared at the same time. It has been five weeks the hardest weeks of my life cause I never thought he would disrespect me like this by seeing this lady knowing I know her, his child is best with hers, go to the same school and same grade. And we live in the proximity of each other. I feel like he puts her feeling above minds.
Nicola

July 2, 2014 at 12:50 am

Also he was trying to set her up a guy he knew and also his nephew. Now it turns out that he seeing her. When I ask him if he is seeing her he never answer. I have been with this man when he was down out through thick and thin. I understand that she told him that I am the bread winner of the family. I understand she told him she doesn’t need anything from him she could take care of him. I understand he told her things that he didn’t like in our relationship and therefor she told him things about her relationship. So I trying to understand how he could leave me to make a home a happy home and leave his child and look at her child and be happy in that relationship.
He said a problem he had with me is I didn’t know how to talk to him but he told me this after he left. But I apologized for the way I say. But I told him we can work it out but he said that he would considered what I say and if he would come back.
Nicola

July 3, 2014 at 12:34 am

This is day 2 of no contact and he has been calling and texting I want to answer but I am being strong. He told our little boy to tell me that he loves me. But in his text he is keeping it short hi and asking how we are doing and sending audio message. I haven’t reply but it is hard.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Wait, he told your son to say that to you?

Jourden

June 23, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Hey Chris-
So I have been doing no contact four days! I know not very long but he lives across the states from me (I moved home after our break up). I have to get a new phone number. Should I send a little message saying here’s my new number? A little lost.

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:33 pm

In other words he is long distance from you right now?
Jourden

June 30, 2014 at 10:19 pm

Yes he is…:(

Sam

June 23, 2014 at 12:25 am

Any thoughts?
He broke up with me 6 months ago (LDR). It wasn’t a bad break up I thought he was just too stressed at the time. He always had reassured me and talked about our future together, even up until the day before we broke up. So that is why this has been so confusing.
I did not go NC right after the break up. He would reply to me but rarely initiated contact(twice?).
Then, 2 months after the breakup he stopped responding. I tried about 4 separate times with no reply, then NC for 5 weeks. Then I tried again and he replied that he didn’t want to give me hope, so that’s why he had ignored me before. But he said he would talk to me one last time on the phone to give me closure. So I tried over the course of the next 2 months to set up a time to talk, always friendly and offering to do it when it would be best for him. A few times he said his schedule is too busy, he would look over it and let me know and we would talk. It seems his work stresses are still present as they were at the time of the break up but I don’t know for sure. I am in the dark completely.
Then he started ignoring me again. and I haven’t contacted him for a month.
I still think that what we had was real and our break up was from the timing of stresses with our works and that if he gave us another shot he would see that I don’t react to stress the same way anymore and I can fully support him. I am so grounded now and am an amazing catch but the LD makes it hard for him to know that.
Has it been too long? Do I keep trying to have that talk?

admin

June 23, 2014 at 2:26 pm

6 months.. how long was the distance?
Sam

June 23, 2014 at 11:48 pm

Thank you for your reply! Distance is equivalent: LA to Salt Lake City. Far but not so much that it is impossible for a little while with a decent income.
Here are the things I know:
He acted like he was crazy about me, he told me he was crazy about me, he discussed a future with me, he reassured me it would work no prob.
Then, stress hits us both, hardest time of my life, and it made the relationship tough. My stress ended a long time ago and I learned a lot. But I think his are still going on (not sure because of course I am in the dark and b/c of distance). So I think that is why he is still kinda negative. but what do I know?
Anyway, his spotty responses make it hard to let him know that I think the stress was our problem and I primarily want to talk to him because I am just really am curious how he views everything. I feel so great about everything now and I want to cheer him up.
admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:54 pm

What are the stresses?
Sam

June 24, 2014 at 11:08 pm

Mine- dealing with a loss, bored at work, a few things that seem so pointless now
His- job market/ starting career, feeling stuck in a place/job he didn’t plan on and doesn’t like
admin

June 25, 2014 at 5:15 pm

Bored at work?

How is that stressful?
Sam

June 26, 2014 at 11:14 pm

Do you think I have reason to believe things can still work out?
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:40 pm

I think there is always hope but its more of a question of how realistic things are and if it is worth your time. Thats a question only you know the answer to.
Sam

July 1, 2014 at 1:37 am

Thank you! As of now, I do think it is worth my time, definitely.
Do you have any ideas on how to proceed from here (again, NC for over a month now, before that was ignored) now that it has been a while?
admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:46 am

Well, right now I am thinking its best to keep the focus on you and do things that you will feel are productive to getting him back.
Sam

June 26, 2014 at 12:23 am

I like to be challenged and I was frustrated that it was a job I had to settle for I guess. It is much better now.
Plus being bored gave me too much time to over analyze things
Sam

June 23, 2014 at 11:50 pm

Also, we were in the LDR for six months, if that is what you meant by long

Sabrina

June 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm

I forgot to thank you for the article 🙂

admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

You are incredibly welcome.

Shan

June 21, 2014 at 3:00 pm

What about GIGS where the “other side” is preferring the company of his male pal…. who is also a bit wierd?

I wrote in another post that I think my ex is a commitment phobe. Seemingly before me and him got together his social life was spent going out regularly with his pal, drinking… every weekend, and in the week. My ex told me that they used to work together, but pal got the sack, unfairly, and he felt sorry for him…. Also pal has to care for his sick mum… So he was happy to help him and go out with him, he did of course enjoy spending time with him too HOWEVER he preferred being with me, and having, love affection and all the experiences that couples do. He still saw pal though, and I positively encouraged it. But, if there was ever any social event on, my ex felt duty bound to invite pal so he didnt feel left out.

WELL I was told last night by friends who know Pal…. Pal is a dirty old pervert and quite the opposite of my ex, who Ive been assured is very quiet and a gentleman. (I had accused him of dumping me to go on nights out with pal to pick up one night stands!). Apparently pal gets very drunk and then fondles up the ladies :(((. When ex was spending time with me, pal was quite “lost” and so gatecrashed the girls nights out (ie the girls from the old workplace)… and gets drunk and tries to feel them up.

Since me and ex broke up, ex and pal have gone back to their old routines of going out drinking regularly…..

WTF?? How can he prefer the company of a wierdo, and just going out drinking, to the company of a lovely, trusting, kind, beautiful, intelligent woman, who he can share all kinds of experiences with ?

Maybe we need an article on men who just want to be with… a man..? I wouldnt care, pal is not even attractive… No qualifications, overweight and otherwise nothing in the looks department. Friendly enough but he wouldnt attract me.

Euw!
Sabrina

June 20, 2014 at 8:46 pm

Took ye that long to write GIGS been waiting for it all my life! Hehehe how are u chris? You probably wouldnt remeber my story, been 7 mos since our BU but we are still not together , its fine 🙂 especially i started dating again took me 5 mos to get me start to date. I saw my exbf recent photo and oh lordy he looks awful!! The worst version of himself, he wont never ever let himself go that way when we were together, i was like dude what happened? It was a major turn off i dont know what the fudge did his gf do to him, people keep on saying nice thing to me that i look blooming, pretty after the BU even my exbf mom told me that too.. Anyhow i am happy weather or not will be together. Im dating a guy i have a huge crush on, but i think i made the 1st date mistakes. 🙂

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:39 pm

I know it took me a long time.

What mistake do you think you made on the date?
Sabrina

June 22, 2014 at 8:38 am

I slept with him? But after that happened he would talk for the whole week and now he is busy due to finishing college, when he walked me to my house he kept on assuring me if i was ok, if i look at him differently after what happened to us. But on the date he kept on eye contacti with me the whole date, keep smilling, and having some body contact.. Even after what happened he will always look at me and smile alot i do t know if he likes me.. Should i do NC? Because every morning i send him morning 9GAG funny pictures to start his day with a smile, and then i will stop.
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Well, that probably means that he is only interested in sex if he opens up to you only after performing that act.
Sabrina

June 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Please elaborate it thank u chris

M.

June 20, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Hi,
I messed up. So he didn’t reply to my text massage. 4 days later I texted him again. My text was short, but very needy :] What do I do next? Few weeks of NC?
And I have a question: during our final conversation, I said that soon he will forget about me (pathetic, I know :P) and he said “nobody said it’s going to be that way”. WHY he said that? He gave me hope :/
Thank you for your answer 🙂
M.

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:36 pm

How needy are we talking here?
M.

June 24, 2014 at 8:11 am

Let’s say I told him that he forgot 😉 and I remember, so his plan worked. —> before we were together he told me he has a plan to steal my heart :/
Gee, I’m so ashamed, I have never told him anything like that. EVER. He was always sweet, I was rather… distant.
I don’t think I can pretend I’m not hurt. He knows me well and he knows how much he hurt me. Bad day…

Sahara

June 20, 2014 at 9:43 am

Is there anything I can do as his ex after a relationship that he described as “fantastic, we were so good together” while texting during following your plan that can help him realize that the grass is greener wth me than with his new girlfriend? (I say new it’s like 6 months)
Kaylee

June 19, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I were best friends first but there was always that underlying chemistry. We both stayed to being friends bc he’s younger and has made bad choices with women in the past (2 failed short term marriages) and he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. But he’s always held me in a high regard and told me I was the ‘ideal’, etc. – the girl he compares other girls to. But again, the main reason we didn’t get together was bc he wasn’t ready. So earlier this year, he changes his mind and decides to go for it and puts it on me, acting towards me in ways I guess I always wanted him to but never thought he would. So we were long distance for about 3 months and it was great but long distance creates certain obstacles that are hard, esp in a new relationship. So he starts flirting with this other chick on FB and starts pulling back on the relationship, saying he moved too fast and isn’t ready again. By this time, I’m already ‘in it’ and I can’t just pull back to being best friends with chemistry again. As for the FB chick, he’s not into her, it was just an attention thing and he still tells me how great I am and honestly, I’m not being naïve, but I do know that he’s puts me in another level than these other girls, he’s just being immature and wanting to get ‘new’ attention bc that’s exciting to him. (Doesnt make it right) Also, he’s never had a time when I’ve stopped talking to him completely so right now, he’s essentially looking around at other girls that aren’t as compatible with him and girls that he’s into for the chase but he gets sick of them, all the while, he has me as his ‘best friend’ that he cares for. So I feel like he’s doing this ‘let me check out the grass on the other side just to make sure’ while I have my best friend on the hook.

I’ve started to do NC with him but he’s been texting and calling, like he usually does when he misses me or there is no new girl around. I can’t help but feel like I’m being mean by not talking to him pretty much out of the blue bc we are supposed to be best friends. Should I tell him I’m doing NC or just continue to not respond to anything? My thought is if he finally sees what it’s like to be without me for once, it might change his perspective. What do you think? Thank you!

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:19 pm

No dont tell him. Just keep doing NC.

Tay

June 19, 2014 at 10:12 am

DID I MENTION: he brought a whole bunch of girls he had never met before from TINDER to my friends house cause he knew i would be there… And after our conversation he didnt talk to me again and just talked to these girls

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm

Probalby trying to make you jealous.

Tay

June 19, 2014 at 10:11 am

hey chris so dont know if you remember me from before i posted on this other guide like a week or so ago.. Anyways i saw my ex for the first time last week in 6 months since we broke up at a party. He came in straight away sat down next to me and asked me how i was doing etc he seemed quite off and obviously nervous and i was fairly blunt with my replies. He asked me about my parents situation and i just said ‘its fine’ and then he just said alright.. And then for the rest of the night he just hovered around me wherever i was he was sort of jstu standing around. My friends mum who was there was talking to him too and asked him waht was up and he told her ”she doesnt want to talk to me” and she told me how he seemed pretty upset about it and he obviously wants to talk to me but he thinks i hate him. What do you think of all of this plsssss help

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:12 pm

Have you been doing NC since the breakup?

I'm in limbo... :(

June 19, 2014 at 7:17 am

So… I’m really stuck, it’s been 6 months since break up, I’ve gone through no contact, texting and got to a point where we are quite chatty toward another. That however is mixed with him occasionally literally not responding to me (I think genuine scattyness and being reaaallly busy with his phd). However I’ve tried to request to meet up to get my stuff back and also would be nice to see him. He claims he wants to catch up as he misses me but also says he’s extremely busy for weeks and weeks… How do I get this meet up to happen without pushing too hard and coming across desperate? I’m incredibly stuck it’s unreal and I’ve been trying so hard 🙁

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Seems kind of like a lame excuse to me… “I’m too busy…”
nadine

June 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm

So how can I get past it when r claims he wants to see me but is so busy..? Ive bought your ebook but it has helped with my current position, im trying to chat like normal again before bringing up meeting eachother, please help…
nadine

June 23, 2014 at 1:24 pm

I mean the ebook HASNT helped 🙁

Analyzer

June 18, 2014 at 11:03 pm

Am I in the middle of GIGS?

Guy I like and I lived far away for 2 months and we met 2 months ago online. I was already moving to his city for school. After a month & a half I asked “what are we” and he replies “lets wait until you’re here.”
I have been here for a few weeks and, well, I met someone else who is interested. I do not want to become emotionally involved since I am not sure of the first guy sill, but am too afraid ask for fear of the awful truth that he is wanting to be single. I wonder if he is thinking with the syndrome mindset? I know I’ve given my situation thought but feel like something isn’t right.

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:31 pm

Honestly, the first guy is wasting your time…. If he hasn’t locked you down yet.

Rach

June 18, 2014 at 4:47 pm

Hi Chris, first just want to thank you for taking the time, effort and the heart to think of and write new articles and topics every week. This one was pretty intriguing. One question for you tho.
If you were in this situation and your ex had GIGS, left you, and later realized that grass was in fact only yellow. Decided to come back to you and you haven’t quite moved on yet (you moved on without really moving on) , would you take her back?
Meaning, would you just allow someone to so easily give up on a relationship with you to ‘explore’ then so easily say they want to be back with you?

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Your asking me personally?

I think I would really have to have a heart to heart with myself and determine what made that person want to leave me in the first place. Yes, I might take her back BUT only if I could see a long term future with this person without any hiccups. If there is any shred of doubt about that in my head I wouldnt.

maggiee

June 18, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Hey chris! I had previously written on your “101 Desperation- How to get your boyfriend back without looking desperate.” My comment was a long story allll the way at the bottom of the page now about the ex who broke up with me but then needed help and was trying to stay at my place cause of an issue with his parents.
Well I had implemented NC after he threatened to block me. Then he reached out to me about moving in. After we spoke to each other regarding him moving in, he did call back. But after a day after attempting to leave, even though he is old enough to do so his parents are very protective and overbearing they made it difficult so he went back the same day. He never made it to my house, which thinking about it now it probably was for the best even though he never thanked me for trying to help. So right after, I went back to NC.
As you recommended, I joined the gym and even signed up for a great nutrition club to try to gain healthy weight and get in better shape. I started hanging out with my friends more again, we go out to the movies,shopping, bowling and we have movie nights at each others houses. I put some pictures up on Instagram cause that’s where we are most active. Even though he doesn’t “follow me” to see my pictures, he hasn’t “unfollowed” ANY of my friends yet. So he sees the occasional pics and videos my friends put up at times.
Around 3 weeks ago, even though he unfriended me on FB, he messaged me at around 12:45 AM saying: “Hey. I need to talk to you but your number is still blocked.” ten minutes later he wrote “Nvm I got home.” I read the message and didn’t reply. I only assumed he needed a favor. I just went through with NC. I have felt better since, but I still think of him and at times wish things were different. Ironically on day 31 of NC he texted me saying “hey.” Some of my friends got mad and told me i better not answer. They said: how could i even allow him to think everything he did was okay by replying to him.
After almost an hour and a half of debating whether to answer I gave in and wrote back. He asked how I was and what not. But it gets odd and confusing, and makes a bit discouraged. He wrote: “I wanted to ask you whats your POV of me? Like how do you feel about me?” I asked him why did he want to know now? And he said he was thinking he wanted to see me and he was just curious. I pretty much said if he was wondering if i hated him, I did not and that i was just disappointed in the things I had to find out. So he asked “oh so it wouldn’t be a good time to talk?” After He said he wanted to see me and offered to pick me up and everything. The next day after thinking, I agreed to meet him. But then he said he wanted me to go over his house and watch movies, in which i said no to cause as you can imagine the first thing that would come to anybody’s mind: BOOTY CALL. I didn’t tell him like that, I just told him it would feel uncomfortable. The rest of the texting went something like this:

Me: I will have to say no to that, cause I wouldn’t feel too comfortable.
HIM: Why? It’s me and it’s nothing new
HIM: Damn, i want you to come
ME: I know, but a lot has happened and I would feel weird. I thought we could meet at a neutral place
HIM: Hey, nah its cool. Maybe next time
ME: (feeling snide cause i thought he wanted me as a booty call) yeah, sorry for ruining your plans but I figured. It’s okay, though
HIM: Its not that. I thought you would feel uncomfortable and stuff. How about the park by my house?
ME: (After a while my mood had shifted) I thought you had suggested more to like go out and get coffee. Besides, it’s getting late and it’s been raining all day to go to the park so its okay. No biggie
HIM: Alright

I wanted to ask him to be honest as to why he actually wanted to see me but something held me back. I just left it alone and we haven’t talked since which was last week wednesday. He went on a vacation trip with his family four days later and he’s currently out of town.
It’s sad to think I may have just been as a hopeful booty call for him. But one of my friends said it may be so but not to jump to conclusions, while the other ones are hammering it in my head he just wants me for sex as he asked me to meet him at his house, but then he offered to go to a park. Regardless, idk if i should try contacting him again later on or wait for him to maybe contact me again if he even does. Or if I should forget it as may have wanted to just use me and I definitely don’t want that… idk what to do but I’m back in NC again for now

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

How long do you plan on doing NC this time?
Maggie

June 21, 2014 at 7:47 pm

I am not sure as I had already completed the 30 day NC, then my ex fb texted me with what I mentioned previously and I’m not sure what to think of it. So i don’t exactly know how long I should wait to contact him.. What would you recommend?
I purchased ex boyfriend recovery pro and read allll the pages as soon as I downloaded it btw. 🙂 I would like to implement all you’ve advised in the book but idk now how long to wait when it comes to contacting him..
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Well, first things first. Gameplan and figure out what you are going to say.
Maggie

June 23, 2014 at 1:06 am

Ok, awesome. Once I have planned out what I’m going to say, how long do you think I should wait before I initiate contact?
Maggie

June 24, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Btw, thank you very much for taking the time to read my loooong situation and also answering. I truly appreciate it 🙂

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