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Tinatin
June 14, 2016 at 7:13 pm
Hello
Greetings from Republic of Georgia (small country in Europe). me and my boyfriend have been really close friends for 4 years and we are actually classmates, than he confessed to me and we started relationship for about 4 month. Everything was perfect and we never really had problems. However I won in one of the competitions, which was basically scholarship for exchange year in U.S. I would become and exchange student in America for 1 year and I obviously agreed to participate in it. So this past 1 year we have not been regularly talking, there has been even month we never texted each other, but its not like we absolutely stopped talking. Its just we no more had romantic talks. We are both kind of people who enjoys their time wherever they are. Before my departure from U.S. he messaged me and i asked him what he thinks about our relationship. he told me he doesn’t want to lose friendship with me at any cost but isn’t sure about love anymore as he hasn’t seen me for 1 year (oh we haven’t been using Skype at all, only texting)… So 2 weeks ago I arrived back in my country he messaged me and we talked a lot, next day i had to go to school and i told him i was nervous to meet all my classmates and he was kind of helping me to calm down giving me advises. Obviously I saw him in school and whenever he sees me he comes to me and we talk a lot, we are planning to go to a concert together with our friends and so on and so force. What my problem is I am not sure he want us to be in a relationship anymore, it can be just my opinion but i don’t want to push things as i have just arrived and i am sure both of us need some time. Also it is obvious that being apart for 1 year kind of cooled off our romantic emotions especially as we didn’t really spend lots of time communicating with each other. I really wanted to hear your opinion about my situation do you think me and my boyfriend will be able to renew our relationship or is it the end…
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi Tinatin,
it’s nice to know someone from the other side of the world is also reading us.. I think you have a chance, just don’t rush it.. Build rapport and attraction slowly.. and go out with friends and with him… have fun, catch up and be happy..
Felly
June 14, 2016 at 3:55 pm
Hey guys, I need some help. Basically ex bf ended things with me over text, we were in an ldr right off the bat for 3 months last year. Things were going great and he ended it abruptly, stated though we couldn’t work out, he wants to be friends and that he wanted to stay in contact and would be upset if we didn’t. Over time, it became me just initiating contact and he’s alot older so he’s busy and said he was busy. I called him out on it and he got annoyed with me and I apologized. I backed off a little but I still initiate and he responds appropriately. The thing is im going over to his state for a long while next month and he’s aware of this. I want to give it another try, how do I go about doing this to have a greater chance?
Felly
June 14, 2016 at 8:39 pm
I also have not done no contact unfortunately. Longest ive gone is 2 weeks. I don’t even know if itll make a difference since ive been clinging on for months now.
Kate
June 14, 2016 at 3:20 pm
Apologies for the long summary.
I have read almost every article already, purchased the ex boyfriend recovery guide but still so confused as we are long distance. I don’t want to lose my ex forever.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, we made the decision together for me to move away for work and to save some money for our future (as there was housing available). So we have been together long distance, 5 hours away, for 6 months now, only 12 months left of long distance. He needed to remain in the city (Melbourne) for work, and I in a small country town.
Due to me doing shift work, I was unable to make some engagement parties and certain events. At the time he told me he missed me at those functions & it was getting hard.
Before the break up, we had become distant and I can see our mistakes now.
6 weeks ago he asked for space, I went into fight mode and somehow didn’t give it to him, which I am regretting now. 2 weeks later he drove to my house and broke up with me. (The day before we were suppose to attend a wedding together)
He said it was that we weren’t achieving our goals we wanted and he isn’t happy with me. He said he doesn’t want to get back together and sees no future with me.
Two weeks later, he drove to my house again and sat with me for a couple hours talking about our relationship, but no specific issues. I’m not sure whether it was him giving me closure? He stayed with friends that night.
Since then, we have been in contact. He said im his best friend, and he is mine. So he wants to stay friends. He told me he has stayed friends with almost every ex (which isn’t really true, he hasn’t seen any since we’ve been together) Some phone calls, and some texts. I have attempted to stay positive and happy on the phone, but I may only ring him every 2-3 days. He has been hot and cold since, some days calling me and telling me his plans about the future with me, and Other days he won’t answer or will hardly talk.
When I have spoken to him, he seems to be very busy and doing all sorts of things, partying and catching up with friends a lot. (Almost every night) which is understandable, as every day off he had he would travel here and vise versa.
Four days ago, I was in the city for my birthday to see friends etc. My ex wanted to catch up, of course I accepted. We caught up for lunch and talked about life, what we have been doing. Near the end, I just said to him that he knows how I feel about it all, and I am making changes in myself to help us and me. (Without any emotion) He accepted and told me to live my own life, do things that make me happy and give him some space. That will make him happy. He told me I looked really good (as I’ve lost weight). He kissed me goodbye. (Which I wasn’t expecting). The lunch was about an hour long.
I understand that I need to work on myself. I have realised the issues that we had, and how I was in the end and I am making changes to help that. How I can I prove it will be different? He has told me on the phone last week, he is scared it’ll be the same in 6 months time.. Six years is a long time to throw away.
And it’s a unique situation as we are long distance as well.
2 weeks ago, he said he needed space and is not going to talk to me. I am going to his town on Friday for a family function and will be there for 4 nights, we were planning to go out for dinner before he said he wanted space.
1. He rang me today telling me he is actively dating & that he went on a date on Saturday night. But told me he was thinking of me the whole time, and that he felt guilty and thought I needed to hear it from him if we have any chance of being friends. What does this mean?
2. It’s been six weeks since the break up, Do I have any chance from this point forward? I’d like to know how to show him it’ll be different as he has said he is scared it’ll be the same in 6 months. How do i know he is thinking of me?
3. What can my steps be from here either way? I’m trying really hard to work on myself & my positive energy.
Kate
June 27, 2016 at 7:26 pm
Thanks so much for your reply. Should I do no contact? Since he has told me bluntly he doesn’t want to be with me. I have seen him a couple times already whilst I was in the city. Have a I ruined my chances by doing that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2016 at 6:24 am
yes, you should start no contact.. what do you mean by seen? Just bumped into him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 5:29 pm
Hi Kate,
you’re a few months ldr.. and because of that, you can follow the steps in this post. 🙂 To answer your questions,
1) He’s used to being with you, so he still feels it’s not right to date others and it can also mean he still has feelings for you.
2)You had a long time together and a lot of memories. So, I do think you have a chance. You can check this post out about how to know if he thinks about you:
How to know if your ex boyfriend loves you
3) If you have started improving yourself you’re on the right track. Just be truthful to yourself that you’re doing for yourself. Not just for him.. Because you can take yourself in every relationship. So, it’s very important that you know who you are and you know that all of this is for your betterment, not just to get him back.
Olivia
June 13, 2016 at 2:10 pm
Hi,
Ive been having some trouble lately because my boyfriend broke up with me and did it very coldly, this happened 2 weeks ago and I’ve spoken with him 3 times since and every time he says it was a different reason for breaking up not the ones he was previously giving me. The last reason he gave me is that he can’t see a future with me (this really hurt) mainly because we talked about getting married before. We were in a long-distance relationship and everyday we would call each other and talk. I talked to him a few days ago and he wants to be friends and said he misses our conversations, but he hasn’t been calling me. I just would appreciate some input and maybe just a reassurance because I really want him back.
G. M.
June 29, 2016 at 4:33 pm
Something similar happened to me once in a long-distance relationship.. the guy had found a new girlfriend in his city.. so there are 2 options: 1. he wants to be with her and can offer you only his friendship.. 2. he just slept with some random girl because he just needed somebody and this confused him/changed him.. but as he knows that he is the one who screwed up it is the easiest way to handle it..
Jennifer Seiter
June 14, 2016 at 1:19 am
Hmm long distance is tough. Has he started seeing anyone else? It sounds like you still might have a chance but I need to know more to help. Also don’t mention the breakup or anything about the relationship if you speak to him again. Try no contact for 21 days.
Setareh Nazmi
June 12, 2016 at 8:18 am
Hello there,
I ended a LDR 2 days ago. We met like 9-10 years ago in our bachelor time and started a relationship 15 months ago. I live currently in Germany and will move to USA next year. He lives in Iran and said he wants to stay there although at first he mentioned that he also wants to move out of the country sometime. I can strongly say it was a deep deep relationship and we were truly happy and had the best time together till I asked about feature and his plans. He said he has no plans and even if I move to Iran he is not gonna promise anything and take any responsibilities. After I got the possibility to move to USA he got also so exited and started thinking that he could come with me but after a while he changed his mind and told me that he has no plans for moving anywhere and he is not going to change any of his plans for anything.I suggested we have still time to decide and I don’t find it necessary to take action immediately. He seemed to agree but then he started to call me less, write me less and was not much around. So I broke up and removed him from all our mutual social networks such as instagram and… so it gets easier for me. He is a super stubborn guy so I don’t think he’s gonna contact me ever again but deep inside I want him to. I’m so sad to be honest and waiting for him to do something. I need to know if waiting is just waist of time and also if he didn’t contact me should I still text him in a month?
It would be so nice to get an answer. Thank you in advance.
Setareh
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 9:27 am
Hi Setareh,
did you see each other persinally during your relationship?
Liv
June 11, 2016 at 2:33 am
Hi there,
My boyfriend and I were long distance for 1.5 years out of our 2.5 year relationship. We broke up 3 months ago after a bad argument I had started on his birthday. We had been fighting a lot leading up to the breakup about trivial things. After the breakup, we went about a week without talking and then we slowly started speaking again, trying to be friends first. We were getting along well, and we were to the point that we were talking everyday. He even came out to see me (we live two states away, about a 2 hour plane ride), and then I went and saw him the very next weekend. It was like nothing had ever happened; we were exchanging I love you’s, we were intimate together, we were talking about me moving there one day and getting married- I mean, we didn’t fight once- it was like we had turned a page. And we promised we’d talk about getting back together in 2 weeks. Well the two weeks came, and he told me he still didn’t want to be in a relationship, and that he still loved me, but he needed a little space for a while. We’re long distance- how much more space can he need? He told me he could call me to talk about it the next day (it was pretty late at night), and I said no- I wanted to enter NC as soon as possible. This happened 2 days ago. I started NC with him that night and haven’t spoken to him since. He hasn’t even tried to reach out. I don’t have any social media accounts, so we can’t communicate through that either. I am committed to sticking out the NC, but I am confused about all of this. I obviously love him and want this to work out, otherwise I wouldn’t be commenting. But at the same time, I don’t want to get back together unless he begs to have me back, so I can insure he doesn’t ever do this to me again. I bought PRO, by the way to help in this process. But why would he need space if he’s the one that didn’t want to date other people after the break up, we were exchanging I love you’s, and talking about the future?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 9:52 pm
Hi Liv,
he knows you’re doing nc? actually it’s better if you reactivate yiur accounts so you can update while you’re improving yourself
Sapfo
June 9, 2016 at 8:23 pm
Hi guys! I did my notes contact period, and yesterday it was time that I send my first text! Did exactly what you said and everything went better than expected. I just have one question : how many days should pass before the next text? 5? I don’t know if he’ll contact me first just yet, I just started the approach. Thanks in advance, and keep up the good work!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 11:15 am
HI Sapfo,
it depends if he replies or not and what his reply is
Hayley
June 8, 2016 at 1:51 am
Hello,
I thought I would begin by giving a bit of background on my situation with my now ex-boyfriend. We lived in two separate countries but I met him at university as I was studying abroad. We began technically dating in November of 2015 but had started speaking quite seriously to each other that September. It was not until May of 2016 that I began having doubts in being at that school and found that it was not a good fit for me. My boyfriend knew that I was not happy and said he believed that I should return to my home country to finish school. We had always had a very deep connection and great relationship, we never fought and always communicated super well about our wants and needs and the ways we were feeling. The two weeks towards the end of the school term our relationship became very rocky as we both realized what was happening- that I was leaving and not coming back to the school. He began asking for days of space after spending time together every day, and this being my first serious relationship concerned me a lot. After I returned home we continued on with our communication until about a month ago when we had what I would call our first fight. In his past he was abandoned by the people he loved most, and I think he began comparing me to those people, I tried reasoning with him saying that I was not in fact leaving him and that was never my intention and made it clear that we had made the decision together for me to go. He always said that he never needed anyone and that he was fine on his own. This resulted in him to stop replying to texts, so I gave him a weeks time to let ourselves breathe and have our space. I was having health issues before I had left that he had always been there through, so after a week of not speaking I sent him a text on what the doctor had said and he immediately answered still showing a lot of concern for me. I made it very obvious that I didn’t want to talk if it was solely my poor health that was keeping him in touch, and he said that was nothing i had to worry about. We went right back into talking again as if nothing had changed between us, and every day would say good morning, goodnight, and fill each other in on what we were doing. A week into speaking again he asked for space for the day, and in the evening said “I think we both need fresh starts”. We both agreed I need to find myself again and be happy on my own, but before ever leaving university we always said this was never going to be a forever goodbye. It feels as if he really was saying goodbye as his final message said that I can find someone better than him, that I never should have loved him and he apologized. He was the type to not want to FaceTime or Skype, or even send video messages on snapchat because unlike me who would get sad from being apart, he would get angry. My last message to him said something along the lines of him not wanting to fight for me, and I said I understand he needs to focus on his future but at the same time I don’t want to feel disposable. I am very in love with him, and we always spoke about how perfect we are for each other in the terms of marriage and having a family.
I am now planning on NC for the next month. I am hoping he’ll assume I will text him after a week as I did the first time but I won’t. I am afraid that making him jealous will not work as that is a trait that he absolutely hates and does not respect so I am going to avoid trying to do that. He always wanted me to find myself again and thats exactly what I plan on doing during this months time. He is so independent so I am afraid that even after I text him, he will not see me in the same light. He has always had a soft spot for me which is very rare for him and i was thinking I could use that to get him back but I don’t want to exploit him.
Mona
June 6, 2016 at 11:28 am
Hi all,
My ex and I were together for almost 4.5 years. We are both 24. We broke up in late April this year. He is now on secondment so he is now in another country. He said that when he is away, he doesn’t feel anything without my presence. Similar things happened last year when I was away on a 2 week vacation and he told me he doesn’t feel like he need me at all. But that time we talked and we made it through.
Until 3 weeks after he started his secondment, he initiated the break-up on a phone call. We both cried and he said it was a hard decision for him but he didn’t want me to waste any more time on him. Despite how sad I were, I said I respect his decision (though I also kinda begged if one day he misses me, he should come back and let me know and I would be waiting)…I knew he started texting a girl a few months ago and I asked is it because of him but he said no. (not sure if this is a rebound?)
Then a few days after the break-up, I was notified that I need to fly over for work for 2 weeks. So I told him and he said he’d be happy to host me. We text almost everyday since then. Then when I arrived, on the first day, it was kinda awkward between us like how we tried to keep a distance with each other but knowing that we both still have feelings towards one another. Until at night, he hugged me on bed and we slept tgt. Since then, we did everything like a couple but meanwhile he kept daily contact with the girl I mentioned before. Anyway, the 2 weeks were so sweet and it was like we have never broken up. On the last day, we hugged and cried together for the whole night.
When I was back to my country, I sent him a long text saying that 2 week was like a dream and I thank him for that. I also told him I will be waiting for him to change his mind…..He replied saying that he enjoys being with me, he wants to be with me but he’s not sure are we just friends who hug and kiss as he still he felt nothing without my presence for the past few weeks. He also said it might be a wrong decision for him to break up with me. He wants us to stay as friends at the moment.
After that, we still contact almost everyday. Should I start NC now? The thing is he will come back for a week next week and we’ve agreed to meet by then. Should I stick with my NC plan and not talk to him? When NC is over, he will be away for work again..
I am feeling so confused and dunno how can I handle this..any advice would be appreciated!!
Thanks a lot for your time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:28 am
Hi Mona,
are you in nc now?
clare
June 6, 2016 at 3:42 am
Hi MI amor, I really need some guidance to see if what im doing is right!
My boyfriend had been having a rough month with a lot of small arguments. We have been dating 2 years 3 months.
for the first year and a half we lived in the same country and then he moved so we were in a long distance until now.
Long distance was hard and we had good and bad moments but we were happy enough to keep going.
On may 26 he broke up with me. He was out with his friends and I called him giving him a hard time and he said he wanted to break up. He broke up with me he told me not to say anything else because he didint want me to “change/ manipulate his decision”. He told me he was going to hang up and if “you call me back I will not pick up”. I didin’t cry, beg or plea him to stay because I know that won’t do anything good. We hung up the phone and I started no contact rule.
I am on day 10 of no contact and so far he hasn’t contacted me at all but he’s been acting weirdly. When he broke up with me i asked him if he was planning on blocking me and he said he wasnt.
He made new accounts for everything. Instagram, snapchat and skype.
He called me on skype 3 days after we broke up at 3 am my time and left no message. I didint contact him or ask him about it. On 4 days later he calls me again on skype so i went to see the missed call and saw he removed my contact skype and blocked me on fb. I did not message him anywhere. I am blocked on snapchat too.
He made a new instagram account adding all the girls he knew i didin’t like and soon later he sent me a follower request to my instagram (because im private) so i think it was for me to notice his new account and see his followers and posts.
He hasnt posted many pictures but i can defintly see who he has been following.
Besides this there has been no actual communication from him. I have not broken nc 😀
I am sorry for the long post but, I want to know if he still cares?
It seems like he isnt affected at all but he is making new accounts, leaving me missed calls,, blocking me right after?
Can you please help me gain some insight/perspective on his behavior? what should I do?
(ps i havnt accepted or declined his instagram because i dont want him to think i really care, he can see my posts by using his old instagram account where we follow each other)
Thank you so much if you read this far!!!!
But i want to know if any of this hard work is actually working and if hes starting to miss me 🙁
p.s.s last night he RESENT me the follower request on instagram and he soon posted another picture of him at this small concert looking thing.. what is he trying to do??
-Clare
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 5:29 am
Hi Clare ,
are you still in no contact?
Belle
June 5, 2016 at 10:55 am
Hi,
First sorry that I’m not a native speaker of English.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend a week ago. We met each other when I was studying abroad. After I came back to my own country, we were in long distance. We were together for 6 months.
He said he still loved me even though he said also it was hard to keep our relationship and we shouldn’t be together anymore. I had only one choice that was to accept it because I was pretty sure that he had already decided his mind.
We were texting each other and talking on the phone for 3 days after the day of the breakup. And I said I sill miss you or I still feel you or something like this… But at least I didn’t beg him to get back together..
I still love him and miss him so much. I really understand it is very hard to keep this relationship in this situation so that I once agreed with his decision. After the breakup I started thinking of my future then I’m really keen to go to his country to enter uni and work there( even without thinking of him and because I like being there) after graduating my current school in my country.
Now I’m doing the no contact rule. Is there any possibility to get back together with him? Could you please give me any advice for me?
Sorry my comment was long… Thank you for reading this!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 4:32 am
HI Belle,
it’s ok.. If you’re studying there then I think you have a chance.. when are you going there?
Lucy
June 5, 2016 at 8:20 am
Hi,
I have the following story : We have been together for 2 years, we broke up three times, twice we made it up but this time looks desperate. He broke up with me 3.5 months ago because he thought I put my family first and he being 2nd place which I did not agree. He blocked me from all social networks. After the break up I started with a psychologist, tried to explained to him my progress and he just said that he was happy for me and my positive changes. 2 of my friends wrote to him (without me knowing or asking them to do so) but they were worried about me, his answer to them was that we are over. Now we are in different cities with him. He does not have another girl as far as I know. I tried strictly the no contact rule but it did not help, he did not even text me for my bday. I have read the article on your site that the chances of him not replying are only 15% but it happens to me. How shall I move one when I love him so much and I want him back. I know he loves me but he is stubborn like hell. Please, help me !!! Do we have a chance or I should stop hoping forever ???
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 4:26 am
Hi Lucy,
start from a position that he has already moved on and that you have to let go of your previous relationship and that this will be a restart.. If you are starting again, that means you have to start with yourself too.. You have to completely change..that means you have to move without totally moving on by having a new life, a new set of friends, new activities, new hobbies or improve the ones before before trying to reconnect with him
Zoe
June 4, 2016 at 9:28 am
Hey, me and my ex broke up 4 month ago. The reason was that he was very relegious and wanted to wait until he is married with sex. Don’t get me wrong he was very Sexual and did everything besides that…so we had a long distance RS I came to visit and it happend. But he didn’t know what was going on…so he blamed me for it. Didn’t respect his wishes. But we had it again when we both were drunk. I asked after the break up why he did it again then.his answer was his drunk mind was telling him that there is nothing he has to fight anymore. But he did regret it and don’t want to do it again until he is married. So very complicated I know. We still did talk but then u decided for the no contact rule and after 21 days I texted him. And he called me back. Since that time we are every day in contact.through skype, text or call. He helps me with everything he cans.cares about me so much and says that I am very important to me. I kinda really thought we coming back together cause even when he is drunk I am the first person he is reaching out. I just want to tell u he is always in close contact to me. But after a conversation yesterday he still didn’t forget what happend with sex before marrige thing. And still said that he doesn’t want to get back together now. I don’t understand we are basically together??I just don’t know anymore what to do. I will move in october to the same state he lives. I still thought there is a chance. But what do u think? I really need advice!!thank u
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 13, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hi Zoe,
he’s afraid you’ll get sexual again.. I think you need to keep building rapport until you meet up and show that you can have fun without being sexual
Rachael
June 3, 2016 at 8:37 pm
So me and my ex were in a serious relationship for 10 months and it was great but we broke up about 3 weeks ago and i miss him more than ever. We barley got to see each other but made it work. We had a few ups and downs in our relationship but always seemed to work it out. I was scared to tell him about how I cheated on him because I knew it would end things and I did not want them to end. I told him about it 2 months after it happened. To sum it up, I cheated on him by kissing a guy when I was drunk, the kiss lasted no longer than 2 seconds, and I tried getting out of it but everyone forced me into it. I regret everything that happened. I told my ex that story and he was very upset. Even though i saw my ex once after the cheating incident i was too afraid to tell him then because i was not ready for the outcome. I told him this when i saw him in person the second time cause I could not do that over the phone and i felt guilty. After I told him we were gonna make it work but he couldn’t do it. I told him how he can trust me because we were a long distance relationship and if i told him about that, i would not hide anything from him. I was always truthful and never lied to him. So for three weeks our routine changed and we barley texted or talked on the phone. Every time we did just turned into a fight but we still told each other how much we care and how it affected us badly. This lasted for about three weeks until he couldn’t do it anymore so he called me and broke up with me. He says that it’s all he can think about when he sees me. I havent talked to him since the breakup and it has been harder than ever for me. Ive talked to one of his friends who said that my ex still kind of likes me but hates me and when everyone said they could see us getting back together my ex said “Nah, fuck that.” I really want to try and get back with him but i dont know if he would be willing to, or what i could do. I wish I could fix what happened but I cant and dont know how he will ever forgive me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 11:59 am
Hi Rachael,
Are you in no contact now? You should check this post out. EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated
Arya
June 2, 2016 at 9:38 am
Hello!
I just want to pour my heart out right now ’cause i’ve been on limbo for 6 months of my post break-up.
We broke up because he was being too workaholic lately and totally never gave me any quality time,
not even to talk about our relationship problems.
We did not contact each other for straight 3 months, he lives in Bali and I’m in Singapore.
We were together for 4 years+ before. On my birthday (3rd month post break-up) he wished me happy birthday and ask how i’m doing. When I replied him, he never replied back. A month later, which was his birthday (4th month post break-up), I wished him happy birthday and ask how he was doing, after he replied, I never replied back (it’s like a revenge lol).
A month later, after I thought I’ve made some progress, I can’t take it anymore, I missed him and I contacted him and talk about what we usually talked about, food (he’s a chef and I’m a food blogger) and other stuff. At first it was awkward and he was kind of cold, but me being my usual self (bubbly and chatty), he eventually talked about his current life as well and update me on what’s new.
Well, he bought a dog, a pug to be exact, for his birthday. And he did not like pets before, but after I continuously fed him with cute dog videos (while we were still dating), he began to love them (he started to love them towards the end of our relationship). And he knew very well that my favorite are pugs and frenchie. Did he get the dog because he was lonely and because it reminded him of me?
Okay now, for more background story, me and him were in short distance relationship for 3 years (we met in Singapore).
Last year he went to Bali to get a job, because we both agree that Indonesia offers more opportunity (we both are Indonesians), and I didn’t mind since I was also going back to my hometown eventually.
Now, the question is I’m going to Bali in 2 weeks for a friend’s wedding, and I asked him if we could meet up, and then he told me he’s going to inform me again about the date because it’s a busy month. I don’t know what to do as in, do I want to pour my heart out to him about our breakups or should I just start clean slate right away?
Oh, if this helps, me and him are both extroverts, and he’s a very organized and efficient person (hence asking him about his schedule), and I’m a free-spirited girl. We both had the best and most fullfilling relationship I’ve ever had and I’m so scared he’s the one who got away. What broke us in the end was he was being selfish and temperamental, while I still have to understand his bullshit. Besides that, I still love him so very much. Should I get back with him? What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 5:11 am
Hi Arya,
sorry for the late reply.. actually you should treat it as a clean slate.. continuing on the past relationship is not healthy anymore because that could bring up past issues too
Kelly
June 1, 2016 at 9:11 am
Hi! So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 months. We met when I was in his city for work and embarked on a long distance relationship.
Last week, after having a major fight that we couldn’t find agreement on, he suggested we take a short break. We even went as far to define the break – no dating anyone else and that we would talk in a week or so. We really just needed a few days to calm down and get over hurt feelings. We’ve had a great relationship up until this fight.
I’m curious how to handle this, since technically we’re “on a break” and not broke up. I went no contact on him immediately to give us the space he asked for and we both needed. He called once after 5 days but I didn’t pick up, and he didn’t leave a message. I didn’t pick up because I wasn’t ready to hear what he had to say, if it was going to be negative. It’s been 9 days since we decided to take a break, and no other attempts have been made. I am not sure how to proceed next. Do I continue to do no contact? Should I have even started no contact? Do I return his call, or wait for him to contact me again? Do I do it the full 30 days, or is lesser allowed? Your insight would be greatly appreciated.
I still do care about him and the relationship, but am willing to put in the work to make it right.
Regards,
Kelly
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 11, 2016 at 12:45 pm
Hi Kelly,
have you talked now?
Madison
May 31, 2016 at 2:20 am
Hi Amor!
You might not remember me I commented on this page a while back. I went weeks of initiating conversation to the point where it got really tiring and I felt pathetic so I actually decided to just give up and try to move on… A month later he contacts me first for the first time about something random, kinda like he was just trying to start a conversation. I wasn’t trying to ignore him or anything at this point so I replied. And since then we are best friends on snapchat and he even contacts me first sometimes. The thing is he will sometimes just not reply at all, but then there are times he’ll reply hours later and there are even times when if I don’t reply he’ll try to start the conversation back up after a few hours and it gets really confusing for me. This past weekend he got a puppy and he told me about it a day before posting it on any social media and we spent the whole day texting talking about it and it was really nice because it just felt like old times. But then the next day it’s like he went back to being cold. It’s starting to get really frustrating because it’s been like this for a couple of weeks now; this hot and cold feeling. One minute I’m thinking that it’s really over and then the next it’s like we might actually work out. Is there anything you can suggest that I do?
As always thank you!
Madison
June 11, 2016 at 9:21 pm
Sorry to post another comment but this just happened and I wanted to ask what you thought of it. He just sent me a snapchat that said “snap streak. Gotta keep the number” and in the background I saw he still had the painting I painted for him for his birthday last year hanging on the wall. We’ve been broken up for about 6 months now so I find this weird.
Madison
June 11, 2016 at 4:45 pm
No problem I completely understand!
And some of my replies are questions and some are reactions. He doesn’t really respond to my replies. There are some days I sent the first snapchat to him and he’ll open it but never respond. Then hours later he’ll send me something about the puppy. To me it’s like he’s just trying to continue our snapchat streak (right now it’s at 10 days) but doesn’t want a conversation. And that’s the frustrating part because its like what is he doing why does he send me something everyday but stop replying, what does he want? And I don’t know how much more of this I can take right now because this is giving me hope yet it’s like “what am I so hopeful for” since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I don’t know how to go about this besides being honest with him.
Thank you again I feel like I’ve gotten this far because of this website 🙂
Madison
June 6, 2016 at 12:32 am
Hi Amor.
There hasn’t been been a reply for my other comment yet, and I know your probably busy so that perfectly okay. I just wanted to say that he has been sending me these videos everyday of the puppy and it really is frustrating because I have no idea what he’s thinking or why he’s sending me these things. It’s been going on everyday but when I try to get a conversation started he stops responding. So is it a bad idea to talk to him about this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 11, 2016 at 8:17 am
Sorry for the late reply and thank you for understanding 🙂 were your replies a question and not something like just a reaction to the video? or have you tried to introduce a new topic?
Madison
June 1, 2016 at 5:35 am
I’m just getting really frustrated about the fact that I’m getting these mixed vibes from him. My head keeps going back and forth between things maybe finally turning around, and him just talking to me as a friend. When things are going good between us, the next day he’s back to only replying once. So how can I build rapport like that?
Earlier today he sent me a snapchat first. It was a really cute video of the puppy and I replied with “I think I may love him he’s too cute” and he never responded but I got a notification that he replayed it. I may be thinking too much into it but I can’t help think that I scare him.
Madison
May 31, 2016 at 8:02 pm
Also would it be a good idea to jokingly say something about visiting to see the puppy? He does live 14 hours away? Something like “he’s so cute I want to play with him”
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 1:30 am
ok, yeah it means you’re still in building more rapport. Yeah that’s ok, you could try it to see his reaction.
Madison
May 31, 2016 at 7:57 pm
Thank you for your quick replies! It means so much!!
And yea when it first started to happen I was feeling really great about it, like things were finally starting up again but after a while that turned into “what the heck is this guy thinking?”
When we do have a good conversation, the conversation stays within that day but also within that day he goes silent. Sometimes he’ll reply hours later but other times he won’t. And then after a day or two either I will send something or he will. But the conversations vary some last for a bit and others are short. I think we’re building up the rapport but it’s hard because to me when things are finally getting good the next day he goes back to being distant. It’s getting really confusing to me because I don’t know if he’s speaking to me as just a friend or if it’s because of something more. So as for calling I don’t think I’m ready for that just because I’m getting mixed vibes from him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 7:00 pm
Hi Madison,
Good for you! Is it always the same day? or Always after a certain number of days? Sometimes it’s just normal that it gets dull.. Is there enough rapport for you to try calls?
Regine
May 30, 2016 at 5:20 am
I felt sorry because of what i did. He cut out our connection. He said that he went back to her x they on a ldr relationship. I dont know if this is true or he just told me that so i will stop. Because i keep on asking why. I still live him and i want him back
Please help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 1:00 pm
Hi Regine,
you should start no contact now.. and you should check out this posts
EBR 031: The Seven Deadly Sins Women Commit After A Breaku
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
Regine
May 30, 2016 at 5:08 am
Hello Amor ,
My boyfriend and works abroad for morethan a year we met at work. When we went home from vacation to our home country she just send me a messafe on facebook she doesnt love me anymore. I encountered lots of problem at work she’s always there for me that time when our vacation is near i got terminated and the moment i reach our home country he broke up with me. I cant accept that one I’ll try everything to bring him back but things got worst he limit our communication he blocked me on facebook. Now his back at work and i left alone in our country i want hime back even if his far away
What is the best thing i can do
SY
May 30, 2016 at 4:45 am
Hello,
I’m in a long distance relationship with my bf since 2013, we could meet 2-3 times a month. Our relationship was really amazing we love each other a lot. We had a break last year for 4 months finally we made up and we treasure each other a lot. 3 months ago he got a job offer in another country and I was very shock about that, because we wouldn’t be able to see each other more often. I kept crying and told him we better end, he comforted me that we would overcome and we have to make a lot of effort to work this out, he said he cared about me a lot and loved me so much, let’s be positive and work something beautiful for the future blah blah blah… 2 months ago he left to to his new job, we were ok and we texted a lot and he told me everything he was doing, since last month I felt he was a bit cold and seemed pulling away, he said his new job is very stressful and required his full attention, plus he has a lot of races need to train.. We text lesser and lesser, I didn’t feel secure so I kept texting him about what he is doing, why took a long time to reply etc.. We had fights and he told me he didn’t feel super about us and he said its not fair for me to wait for him.. He admitted he misses me but he is not sure how to work us out, nothing we can do … I said I would fly to his place and he rejected, I just wanna talk to each other face to face..
I’m really depressed and hopeless about this situation now, I love him and miss him a lot and I don’t want to let go yet.. Should I fly to his place next week without telling him ? Or have to apply no contact first? We haven’t talk to each other for 3 days now.. It’s killing.. Thanks so much for your time..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Sy,
hold off going there.. wait for his reaponse for a week.. if he doesn’t respond.. do no contact