How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,237 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

chi

July 14, 2016 at 7:31 am

Im in same situation right now. We been together for 4 yrs and half and we’re very happy couple. Until time comes that his visa moving to the US was approved.. as an immigrant.. and im in Asia in the other side of the globe.. He made promises that he only stay there for 2yrs to save money and be with his parents and go back so we could be together again and to do our future plans, marrying and have children with business of our own..and grow old together. For the 1st month being far from each other he seems really lonely and misses me alot and wanna go back here. On the 2nd month he found a jobs that really consume much of his time we cant barely talk.. he always get home late and msgs me just to say his tired and about to sleep. As the days past he never told me whats goin on and he really seems so cold so aloof in my every message he always changing topic.. Then I found out that he made a new fb from his friends at work he keep on denying it for days we come to a huge fight and he decided to ask me if we could just be friends. He said he was confused he doesnt know what he wants anymore.. he said sorry for being such naughty bf but he said he did his best but it always getting harder to be faithful coz im too far away. He keep on denying stuffs directly but with words he said he somehow literaly admit it.Then he said he doesnt have a direction anymore he just go with the flow and leave it in Gods hand. He said he wanted to do things he never expected he would do..he said he doesnt wana go back here and stay there for good he said maybe we’re not meant to be together.. he doesnt want to pursue our plans anymore the marriage the children the business all of are plans go to waste..that ldr is so difficult.all the things that we been through the good times and the bad times seems just threw away in just 2months away from him.. He doesnt want to work out the relationship with me.. He only wants me to be his friend for some reason that he misses me everytime. He said Im the only girl he love the most but doesnt what to have a relationship and any other plans with me.. Im doing the NC for 4 days now and he were trying to contact me making conversation 2days ago but I refuse to engage with that.. I wana give him time to think what he really wants cause he said he needs time to think.. I could feel that he only doing a delaying tactics to hang inour relationship for me be the one to kick him so he always blame me for it or. waiting for the other girls relationship to work out.. and if it wont he can always go back to me as a fall back to…me a reserve. Thats what im thinking.. Any thought pls send a comments.. Btw im 28 his 22 age gap can be a factor..i just looking alot younger than him physicaly.I appreciate any advice thanks…

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 8:02 pm

Hi Chi,

you’re probably right coz he’s still young.. how many times can he visit you in a year?

Anya

July 13, 2016 at 8:12 pm

Hi, me and my boyfriend broke up due to the fact he has to go to the army for 1-2 years. So that is long distance related. We also broke up due to couple of fights this past year about trust and my anxiety which made me push him away at times and I never meant it. But he stuck through it all but now he wants to not deal with it all before he leaves for the military in 2 months. We are now couple days into our LDR. But he said we can be friends.

I was scared and wasnt sure if he will text me still as friends and he told me if I have 0 faith in him that he will be willing to try that then I am wasting his time. He says that he cant guarentee anything in 2 yrs but he will give it a shot with “us” again and he wants to see a change from me. What does it mean cant guarentee anything? That he will suddenly change his mind in 2 years after our mutual agreements? We both came up with mutual agreements that we will still text each other everyday & he said he wont go chasing girls either. We both agreed that we will save room for each other for the future and to start fresh but like i said he said its not guaranteed. I told him i was afraid if youre just using the typical guy line and he told me “if thats what you think then think that we dont have to be friends”. I am very confused and I dont know what to do. I want to keep texting him everyday like we both agreed because he said our conversations will be what he will hold onto from the both of us to see if there will be an “us” when he is back from the army. Were not in a relationship but he said he will have our memories to hold onto something for the future before the army and he will have it in to himself as in that in his mind he will hold onto us. How do i know that this isnt another typical break up line? It hurts to text him because I cannot tell him I love him or that I miss him and I have some many pics of us that was supposed to be uploaded into social media. But I want to keep texting and maybe change the way I behave thru text. Should I do this due to our mutual agreement? What about the NC rule?
Please help me !

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 5:28 pm

Hi Anya,

I think he meant nothing is guaranteed because of the nature of his job
It’s dangerous and the it’s erratic..he can be assigned to a different place again during it and it can also be because he sees you don’t have trust in him.. he can’t keep making an effort if he feels doubted always..
This is what you should read:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Mandy

July 12, 2016 at 12:10 am

Hi, I could really use some advice. A month ago, my (almost) 3 year relationship with my fiance ended out of nowhere. He lives in California and is in the Marines and I am in Colorado. He’s only been in since August of last year, but I haven’t seen him since December. He said he needed some time to figure his life out and work on things, that he wasn’t happy anymore. Long story short, I did not handle the breakup well. I constantly texted him, called him, talked to his mom, had my friends text him (yea, I know. I shouldn’t have.) until things came to a horribly ugly conclusion. It appears he’s found a rebound. Initially, he told my best friend he was planning on returning things got better. I haven’t talked to him directly except for a quick 5 minute phone call since the day he broke up with me, but last week he felt it necessary to text my brother to tell him he was done with me. Very quick change of heart from him. I have been using the no contact rule for around a week now, I’m doing okay but I’m super worried things aren’t going to work out. Here’s the big kicker: While he was in Basic, I got really really drunk and was assaulted by a “friend”. He refuses to see it as assault and instead chooses to call it cheating. (Why would you want someone like that back? I know. I’ve heard it before.) I told him about everything a month after I found out (the “friend” told me about it) and this was back in February. I thought things were resolved. He’s told several friends that I cheated, including the new girl, who took it upon herself to send me nasty messages about me “cheating”. I’m in such a crappy place. He’s been my best friend since middle school and I can’t stand the thought of losing him.
Side note – we broke up about a year and a half ago for two months. He found a rebound then and after a month of no contact from me, he left the girl and came back. BUT we were seeing each other every day at school at that point. I’m really anxious. Not really sure what I should expect or think about any of this. PLEASE HELP

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi Mandy,

the best move you can do is to do no contact until he comes back and cut all ties with the guy he said you cheated with

Tiffany

July 11, 2016 at 8:24 am

Hi, I met this Hungarian guy who is married in NZ. He told me he had problem in his marriage that he can see his wife as best friend instead of partner. We spent 5 days together. And a week later he paid me to go to Miami for 9 days. I was up and down with my feelings as I never felt right with a married man. But he seemed serious as in wanting to get me a job in Hungary closer to him. But he said the planning will take time and its available only in September. Now I told him I need to live a life as I m unemployed. I told him my frustration n he hasn’t reply me back 3 days. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 11:37 am

Hi Tiffany

rely in your rational side.. don’t be a mistress… you barely know him and the only side he’s showing right now is a cheating husband who wants to reel you in..

Valerie Robinson

July 10, 2016 at 7:38 pm

I recently had a devastating breakup with a long term boyfriend (1 1/2 years) and at the time we were living together with his parents. In the beginning of our relationship we were long distance, and we had problems that were caused by the distance. We fought pretty often, like maybe once every 2-3 weeks or so, and some rough patches where we bickered for a couple of days. We ended up breaking up after three months, but maybe a month later, we got back together. When we were broken up, this guy seemed to have NO interest in getting back together, and even told me he didn’t love me. But, after maybe a month and a half, he decided he wanted the relationship back because after seeing other girls “he realized I was the one.” We decided to make a serious commitment, and I moved to his state which was 12 hours away from where I lived at the time. I would be attending school there. The school i was going to was still quite a commute from where he lived, but we saw each other very very often, and it was wonderful. If we fought, he often cried, and it was very clear he had strong feelings. We decided to move in together as well, after the semester ended. We went looking for apartments and found the perfect one, but when we confronted his parents about it, they said no, his mom even started crying…..His parents decided we should live with them. Initially I was completely opposed to the idea. I was going to just go back home, but he convinced me not to, and I ended up moving in with his family. I’m very shy, so I just planned to keep to myself. For the 2 months I lived there, I looked for jobs, and tried to keep the house clean, was very polite, bought groceries, spent money buying furniture, a new bed, etc. At first, everything was honestly going great, we got along so well. Then about a month and a half in, we started arguing a bit. It was somewhat infrequent, maybe a week between the arguments, but he told me he was feeling unhappy. So i genuinely tried so hard to make it work. I let things go , and just treated him like a king. He also treated me very well, we would always go on dates, and trips together and have a great time together. But, we got into a huge fight one day before he went to work, and he told me he wanted to end it. I called him while he was driving and told him to please reconsider, because we live together and should try. When he came home that day, he seemed very upset and sad. We talked and agreed to work on our problems. He cried and hugged me etc. And for the next week and a half, it was wonderful, we had a great time. We went on a roadtrip together and it was absolutely amazing. It was a trip to see his best friend who was working out of state. I get along with his friends super well, and we had a blast honestly. No fighting, just a great time. Then when we got back, his mom had decorated our room, and cleaned it, and it looked beautiful. I honestly though it had gotten so much better. After a few days, he came home from work, and we got into an argument over a video game. It escalated into a huge fight, and then we both said really hurtful things, and i hugged him and apologized. We then were lying down and he was still acting sad, and accused me of still being mad and was being very unreasonable, just picking a fight. I got really upset and said “should i just leave then?” and he seemed really sad, and didn’t want me to leave. Then I told him he’s hard to communicate with, and tried talking about the problems. He has a hard time taking criticism so of course, he got mad, and said for his long term happiness I should go back home. Of course, I begged him to reconsider, because moving would be very expensive, and he does love me. We were both crying, and in the morning i tried to talk to him again, and he said his mind was made up. I was devastated and so confused, because the night before he told me he would reconsider. So, during the day I packed my things and was going to tell him I would just go then, if that’s what he truly wanted. After cleaning and everything, I fell asleep for a few hours, and when i woke up from my nap, he was home, and sitting at my desk, looking extremely sad. He told me he talked to his parents about it (?????) and they wanted me to leave tomorrow morning…..They literally kicked me out of their house, with less than 12 hours to pack ALL of my things. They said they’d mail the rest. He was crying so much…and I personally was in shock. I asked him why he did that, but he just told me not to ask, and this wasn’t his decision..Then after crying for hours, and trying to spend time together for our last night together, we went to bed. When he fell asleep, I wrote him a letter. It was a very sweet letter, that i truly wrote form the heart. I basically told him that I wouldn’t be able to communicate with him after this, that it’s very devastating for me, and I just want him to be happy and If this is what he wants, I’ll respect his wishes etc. I stuck it on his desk where he would see it later. That morning was very very sad for us both. I got ready to go to the airport, and as we were taking my things to the car, he was crying and continuously hugged me, and told me he’s scared. We sat outside together for a while. His parents wanted to take me for some reason….(I think so he wouldn’t change his mind about me leaving) and in the car we sat in the back seat, and he looked extremely sad, and kept squeezing my hand. His mother tried to give me some money to make sure i get home safely, but I didn’t accept it. He came in with me to get my baggage checked and walk me to the security checkpoint. When we got there, he had tears streaming down his face, and hugged me so tightly, and told me he loves me, misses me, and would never forget me. He was so genuine, and sad, and as I was walking away, he grabbed me and asked for another hug. It was probably the saddest thing I’ve ever experience. It’s been about a week and the only time we’ve communicated is to talk about sending my stuff. We watched a couple of youtube videos together the other day and were laughing. He told me he was so sad, and unhappy and really really missed me. He got in contact with his best friend and was spending a lot of time with him (this guy NEVER reaches out to friends btw) and finally he said my letter I wrote was so sweet and really touched his heart, and that he even cried over it. Finally, he told me it wasn’t his decision for me to leave like that. I don’t know what to do. I still love him, and even though the break up was devastating, we’ve still been really sweet to one another. We’ve not talked at all unless we had to. I feel like this breakup was a rash decision. I’ve never had a troubling break up. Any meaningful advice? I’ve already implemented no contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 9:15 pm

Hi Valerie,

how old are you both? looks like his parents sees thay you’re not ready to love together because you kept fighting

Britney

July 9, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Hey guys! I really need your advice. My ex and I have been together on and off for about 5 years. We have a lot of baggage and when we broke up the last time we kept in contact for about a year but due to me not being “ready” to date him again I didnt make the leap…I finally was ready to go all in and see if we could make it work, and he took a job in Denver. I live in New York, so we have about 1600 miles between us. I went into no contact for almost 2 months… last week I reached out and things seemed good, I explained that I really wanted to try to figure things out with us and see if we could make it work…he has run pretty hot and cold. One minute seemingly engaged in the conversation and with the idea of us, but still tentative…to not saying anything. I have read enough of chris’ articles to not become a text gnat, but I am still pretty sad that I cant seem to get him on board. He told me a few days ago that he’s concerned that we have too much baggage to move past it and work, and with the distance it makes it harder. Please help me figure out what my next step is… I am struggling to give up the idea of us, but currently think he is pretty done with it. I dont want to lose him forever either.

Thanks for all of your help!!
Britney

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 5:30 pm

HI Britney,

It looks he’s done and then you asked him too soon to try again.. and also, if ever you get back together, can you work out to see each other at least once a month?

Tina

July 9, 2016 at 6:53 am

Hi ok so my ex boyfriend left me for the second time a month ago for a girl he got pregnant while we were together in a ldr. When we broke up he seemed in 2 minds about it and said he was confused. I told him to go be with her. We are in 2 different countries and he has been in my city twice in the last month and wanted to see me both times. I failed at no contact because he wouldn’t stop texting. I have slept with him both times I have seen which I know is a big mistake. The second time I saw him he even gave me a gift, which he hardly did when we were together. I have accepted and told myself we will not get back together but I need some advice on what I should do because I have never been in this situation before. He is going to be in my city again in a week’s time and I know it’s inevitable we will meet up. Also when we are together it’s not just sex, we go on dates and have fun but I make sure I don’t get my hopes up about getting back together though I still love him.

Tina

July 9, 2016 at 8:28 pm

Yes she lives in his city and he still initiates contact with me through text when hes at home. I did tell him we need to cut ties and to stop texting me but he continued.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 5:19 pm

then ignore him.. he keeps trying because you keep answering.. he needs to man up and make up his mind, and stand up for what his decision is.. I know it hurts and I know you’re scared.. but you the right man won’t come or he won’t change if you keep allowing this to happen..
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2016 at 5:29 pm

Hi Tina

why is inevitable that you will meet up? So right now, for sure he is with her and he only sees and talks to you when he’s in the city?

If he already chose her, you have to move on.. so that you can meet the guy that will make you the only choice..no matter what

faith

July 8, 2016 at 12:33 am

Hello, I need your help, I met this guy in an online site (tinder), we had been “dating” for. 6 months and a half, we met in his country for 20 day as and it was really amazing. We made promises we build a beautiful relationship, in fact he was. Going to come to my country on September, however 15th. June. Told me he couldn’t handle the distance no more, that it’s better to end the relationship and take a time to suggest the decision (his). I fell in love so I don’t want to end it. I read your web and I did the NC rule for 21 days and I wrote him a positive, funny message 2 days ago but he didn’t respond me back. What to do? I’m really sad.

faith

July 9, 2016 at 2:31 am

yes I did it!! I’m improving myself. And now? what next?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2016 at 4:12 pm

that’s good contnue to be active in your life a d being active in posting in social media.. but I think 21 days is not enough for him to think you’ve moved and to be interested with you.. give it another two weeks before trying again..
and keep in mind that your posts matter because that’s the thing that can influence what he thinks about you right now
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 8, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi faith,

did you improve yourself during nc? were you actively posting in social media? and did you continue the activitied you started during nc?

Unsure

July 8, 2016 at 12:19 am

Hello, I am in an unusual situation. My ex and I aren’t technically broken up yet. We graduated college and he went back to his home state 1,000 miles away from mine. Our plan was to take 3 years for graduate school and then see where we could find work, in a location fairly close to each other. Our life together had a loose but promising plan. We were going strong in our LDR for a month. Last week, we had a long discussion about what would be best for our relationship. He said he still loved me, wanted me, and wanted to be with me, but didn’t think we were best for each other. He is unsure of his true self and feels lost in the relationship.

Briefly I will provide background information: I have a strong personality that people figure out once they meet me. I make most of our menial choices, such as what time friends would come over, if we played a board game versus watched TV, etc because he didn’t mind one way or another. All the while I asked for his and our friends’ input. I’m just a more decisive person than him and our friends.

Anyways, we had a talk about our relationship. He said he didn’t feel like he knew himself and that he was too invested in the relationship and not himself. I tried to convince him (hopefully I didn’t beg? I just like to argue a point that I believe and I want to fight for the relationship) that what he was saying wasn’t true, that we could work this out, etc. I even gave him the option that instead of breaking up and never having a future together, he could take a few months and figure himself out without any contact from me. He said he’d think about it. I’ve come to realize that he may think he doesn’t know himself because he has a more subtle personality and you have to get to know him before you fully get him. Also, we are in a transitional period from a college relationship to an LDR, and I think that is stressing him. He is staying with distant relatives for his summer job and then will go to a new school. These are all new situations for him and I think this is part of the reason he’s unsure of the relationship. This is information I want to share with him, as well as provide specific examples of why he isn’t as consumed in the relationship as he thinks, such as choosing to group Skype with his friends and brother all day on Sunday instead of being with me (I’m not upset nor am I blaming him for this, it’s just a point in my favor that he doesn’t always think of our relationship or me before himself).

If he were to call or text, should I respond? Should I share this newfound information? Or should I NC? What do you suggest as my next steps?

Thank you for your help in advance.

Unsure

July 16, 2016 at 9:12 pm

My friend (a male co worker old enough to be my dad) recommended me to a sci-fi show (my BF loves sci-fi). I was thinking of texting him, “Hey my friend just recommend (show name) and I really liked it. You should check it out!” I remember reading about mild jealousy and also keeping the conversation casual. Would this work or is it too early to make the jealousy point?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 9:52 pm

Actualky that’s good!
Unsure

July 16, 2016 at 5:18 am

What should I do when I try to contact him? What should I say? I read a bit about texting and how you should start out casual, leave him wanting more, etc., but we aren’t officially broken up (yet). I’m confused as to how to handle this situation
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 16, 2016 at 7:49 pm

try a little reminder text.. nothing too heavy.. like say “how are you? you saw a new release of something that he loves(like games) and then remembered him.. and add a question about that game too)
Unsure

July 14, 2016 at 11:22 pm

I have been. As I mentioned, I’m doing other hobbies and enjoying time on my own, but there’s still a nagging feeling of closure and wanting to make this work. I’ve said that I would do a lot and have a solid plan of what I want to say. Should I continue with this until he texts me? Wait the full 30 days and then reach out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2016 at 3:55 pm

you can try to reach out after 30 days
Unsure

July 14, 2016 at 5:55 pm

Ok that makes more sense. Thank you. I don’t want to seem weird or desperate, but if we were together I wouldn’t have minded to go to school closer to him

I’m not sure if he’s just taking his time thinking about my plan or is trying to avoid breaking up because he’s scared, but I’ve been doing NC for 2 weeks now. What should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 8:43 pm

be very active in having your own life..
Unsure

July 13, 2016 at 8:51 pm

Wait, so why did you suggest earlier that I move to be in an area closer to him? You’ve said two different views on whether I should move there or not

Also, what if he’s hiding and isn’t ever going to call/text back? Should I follow up 30 days after we last spoke?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 5:49 pm

oh no..sorry I didn’t elaborate.
wrong choice of words.. I meant if you move closer to him.. it will “look like” you’re doing it for him..which is what he will probably think which confirms that it is a little bit of a desperate move..

so right now, it would be better to just utilize Facebook well..

you would probably talk about the distance challenge when you’ve built enough rapport and he’s attracted back and wants to see you…
Unsure

July 13, 2016 at 2:44 am

Wouldn’t it be a bit weird for an ex to move into your city? I was looking at a school that’s a few miles from his. My original plan was to go there, we’d graduate around the same time, and then plan our lives together. Now I’m not sure. I don’t want to scare him by making such a huge life decision for him. He can’t even accept that our relationship has changed him (and me) because of how serious it is
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 13, 2016 at 4:57 pm

that’s good! it’s vetter not to make decisions that will affect your life because of him
Unsure

July 10, 2016 at 11:10 pm

We wouldn’t see each other through natural means. It would have to be something we planned. I’d either have to visit him or he’d have to visit me, which we are willing to do. However, I think the usual tactics to becoming the UG are significantly more difficult since I won’t see him unless I take a plane to him and because he hardly uses Facebook.

My original plan was that I would finish my prerequisite classes in my hometown, and then apply to professional school. This could be near him or near my hometown, but after we both graduated we said we’d discuss where to live. Seemingly the plan has changed, but I’m willing to do a lot to get him back. I just don’t want to desperate or creepy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 8:14 am

well,even if he rarely uses Facebook, he still checks it, so it’s still a good vehicle for him to see your progress.. because if you move closer to him and, it will look more like you’re doing it for him
Unsure

July 10, 2016 at 6:23 pm

I’ve been learning how to cook and making new friends at work. I would like to think I’m improving myself, or at the very least branching out and not letting sadness consume me.

If he doesn’t accept everything I’ve proposed, what would you recommend I do (after NC that is)? I would definitely branch out, meet new people, and date them if there’s any interest, but what would the plan be to get my ex back? He’s 1,000 miles away from me and we’ll be going to separate schools in Fall. We probably won’t see each other again. How would we reestablish interest?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 9:08 pm

as in never? then the relationship won’t work even if you get him back.. basically, you’re going to learn how to be the ungettable girl to attract him back but if the distance won’t be resolved then it’s distant for it to work
Unsure

July 9, 2016 at 6:16 pm

Thank you. I just wanted to see if I should do the 30 day NC or not since we haven’t officially broken up. I have not been looking at old pictures, on his FB, or anything like that. I’m trying my best to “enjoy” my time without him. In the worst case scenario that we do break up, after NC, what do you suggest I do?

Something I forgot to mention is that I told him last week that I would never talk to him again due to shock and anger and feel I might’ve scared him. I’m thinking of apologizing for that or would it be better to not bring it up because he would’ve just attributed it to anger?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 10, 2016 at 3:46 pm

I think he’ll most likely realize it’s anger given the circumstances when you said it.. you have to really improve yourself during nc to prevent him from breaking up with you, if he does, you should continue what you’re doing and start to date others too before reaching out to him again.
Unsure

July 8, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hello Amor,

We haven’t talked since our conversation a week ago. I wanted to give him time to himself to figure stuff out and do a mini NC. I recently realized a few things that might be points in my favor. He said he’d get back to me and I was wondering if it would be ok to tell him my thoughts when he got back to me. I said before that they would just outline that 1. he is his own person I just have an overpowering personality, 2. since I was the decision maker on menial things it might be weird making his own decisions, 3. our relationship is built off trust, friendship, mutual interests/beliefs, and honesty and how precious our love is, 4. some specific examples of how I am not his whole life, 5. that relationships in general influence you (romantic or platonic) and that it isn’t a bad thing to pick up others’ mannerisms, especially if you’re as close as we are, and 6. that considering his new life changes, he should take time to readjust before making a final decision. We aren’t officially broken up yet or even on a break, but I can tell we’re headed in that direction.

We’ve been together 2.5 years and he’s been unsure of himself and us before, but this is after coming back from a long time apart. I don’t want to lose him because we’re best friends and possibly soul mates. We went through a lot of tough stuff together and I want to stick with him, but he seemingly thinks it’s best we break up even though he doesn’t want to and still loves me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 9, 2016 at 12:46 pm

yeah, you can try that when you talk again but in the mean time be busy woth yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 8, 2016 at 12:58 pm

Hi unsure,

if you’re not broken up, you mean you’re still talking? or. you’re in a break?

Laynie

July 3, 2016 at 4:55 am

Hey guys, I just wanna say first off, I am highly impressed with this website. I found it at the end of 2014 when my relationship ended.
So I wanna make a long story as short as possible. I had been dating my ex for 4 years. We started off Long Distance until we moved in together after about a year. We were very close and know everything about each other and were considering marriage at one point. We broke up because of mutual lack of fulfillment in our own lives and by the end we drifted far apart. Immediately after we broke up we argued pretty bad and No Contact was implemented. We hadn’t spoken from Nov. 2014 until June 2016.

Upon re-initiating contact via email , The messages were positive. He referred to me by my old pet name and gave me his phone number in the first email message. He shared with me that he had tried to seek me out last year and even hit up my brother on Facebook. He asked me a million questions about things our past relationship and said he constantly wondered about things. He said that I’ve been on his mind and he hasn’t forgotten anything.
Within the last couple of days the messages have become more neutral. He shared with me that he is in another relationship. He explained that the relationship has instability and that the new girl has been back and forth between him and another man. The girl has a 3 year old child from another man and my ex has been playing the father figure role in the “family”. He seems confused and unsure because the woman has been going out of state to see and be with another man.

He hasn’t been negative toward me but he told me that he was messed up after our breakup and “if it wasn’t for this girl [he] would be still messed up.” He moved away to escape memories of us and moved in with this woman. He told me that all he did when he met the girl is talk about me and constantly compared her to me so foundationally speaking, this new thing has been set up on what seems to have been a rebound. He told me that when he was ready to start a new thing that he basically lost her interest. So now he feels like they may be at the end.
I understand that he needs to feel needed, based on our history together and what I know about him. I understand his feeling of loss and how he takes these emotions so severely and how hurt we both were that putting himself in a relationship where he felt responsible for someone and was needed even if the child was not his.

I must stress how strongly I feel we have a chance at being back together again, I see it so vividly I can almost taste it. I am truly confident that we can be reunited again. Not to mention, the girl is obviously using my ex for child care among other emotional reasons. I don’t want to see him hurt.

I need a strategic game plan. How do I get him to decide to leave this messy relationship? How can I spark an interest or desire in him for me again?
In myself I spent this time very wisely. I have changed a lot. I have a new perspective and new job, new calling, new goals, new hair makeup and clothes, new hobbies, a couple new friends all of which I needed the time away in order to find out what I wanted for myself instead of what was going to appease the relationship.

The most recent thing he said was their relationship is bittersweet and is usually awesome but he is not a fan of instability and another guy in the picture. To me, this sounds so shaky like it might just tumble over. Not to mention, he is more or less consistently keeping contact with me.
I feel like this is like chess. What is my next move?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 6:40 pm

Hi laynie,

just live your best life really.. i think he’ll soon realize that he can’t be with that kind of a person.. you can’t do anything for him because you can’t control him but by the looks of it, he looks like he’s about to give up on her if she keeps being that way and if you keep improving being the best version of yourself

Jennyan

July 2, 2016 at 3:08 am

Hi!
My boyfriend and I entered an LDR, but he was willing to cross thousand miles and continents and oceans to see me. We were very happy and deeply in love. However, about 2 weeks ago, we got into a stupid fight, and he said he was completely and utterly sick of me getting to fight with him whenever I had chance, then he stopped talking to me. I asked if he wanted to give up, but he didn’t even read my message since then. I’m so shocked and lost and helpless now. I feel like if we’re done now, we’re done forever, and I can’t stop crying. Do you think there’ll be ever a chance for reconciliation for us?

JENNYAN

July 24, 2016 at 7:48 am

Hi. I failed the 1st NC, starting the 2nd NC now. It’s so so difficult because I miss him so much. We used to talk everyday, and now no more. How long do you think NC should be for my case? I’m getting my life back now: hanging out with friends, joining yoga class, etc., and I know for sure I want nothing more than getting him back. I’m very scared though because we’re living thousand miles away, there’s no way I could reach out to him. He just doesn’t read my message anymore
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 27, 2016 at 7:04 am

well it was fight, so he of course he was angry.. either you said something in that fight or he’s just using it as a cover up for another reason why he really wanted a breakup..

that’s why you really need to do no contact because if he’s avoiding you that means he would more likely be open to talking when he knows you’re moving on and less emotional
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 12:27 pm

hi Jennyan,

let him be for now and do active nc instead wile he’s cooling off

Bunny

June 29, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hello. My ex and I broke up a month ago and we just agreed to stop talking for a while. He’s been my best friend for years and we dated on and off for 2, but we never lived in the same city. I know we still have feelings for each other and it’s not easy for him either, but he’s tired of the distance and has given up. I’m willing to relocate but he said he doesn’t want to continue anymore since we’ll both have to move and have the distance problem again in a year or so. I do want to get back together but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. Do you think I still have a chance?
Thanks for your help.

Bunny

July 1, 2016 at 11:44 pm

Hi. Thanks for answering.
I mean I plan to go back to school in a year and he will just have graduated, so he’ll have to find a job somewhere and we’re not sure yet where we’ll be.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 11:17 am

HI Bunny,

you said you’re willing to relocate, then what did he mean that you both still have to move?

Lonely Heart

June 29, 2016 at 4:14 am

Hi, I felt so lost and I don’t know. I’m currently having trouble coz my boyfriend broke up with me just yesterday. We were ok, and happy when he was here. However, he need to go out of the country. For few weeks we were doing well, he called the day before and He was with his brother. I talked to his brother. This is the first ever fight that we have and he ended it right away. It kinda my fault, i guess, I saw random girl posting in his facebook wall and I got crazy asking him who this girl is, he told me to chill coz she’s only a friend. And I didn’t believe him. I asked for him to tell me the truth. He asked me if we could talk later coz he was busy studying and at that moment I was just not the most patient person, that i got aggravated that I wanted an answer right away . Then he told me “we can be friends since you don’t understand” I know it was really my fault and I want him back. However, he was so angry at me that he blocked me both facebook and skype. But I still have his number. I’m desperate to the point that I wanted to use elses skype or facebook to message him back for him to know how sorry I am. and I don’t know if the no contact rule for 30 days would still be applied. I wanted to call him. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 4:24 pm

Hi Lonely heart,

don’t chase him.. you’ll just annoy him more..

Lonely Heart

June 29, 2016 at 4:10 am

Hi, I felt so lost and I don’t know. I’m currently having trouble coz my boyfriend broke up with me just yesterday. We were ok, and happy when he was here. However, he need to go out of the country. For few weeks we were doing well, he called the day before and He was with his brother. I talked to his brother. This is the first ever fight that we have and he ended it right away. It kinda my fault, i guess, I saw random girl posting in his facebook wall and I got crazy asking him who this girl is, he told me to chill coz she’s only a friend. And I didn’t believe him. I asked for him to tell me the truth. He asked me if we could talk later coz he was busy studying and at that moment I was just not the most patient person, that i got aggravated that I wanted an answer right away . Then he told me “we can be friends since you don’t understand” I know it was really my fault and I want him back. However, he was so angry at me that he blocked me both Facebook and Skype. But I still have his number. I’m desperate to the point that I wanted to use else’s Skype or Facebook to message him back for him to know how sorry I am. and I don’t know if the no contact rule for 30 days would still be applied. I wanted to call him. what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 4:23 pm

Hi Lonely heart,

don’t chase him.. you’ll just annoy him more..

Overthinking

June 26, 2016 at 11:56 pm

Hi Amor,
I’m totally unsure what to do.
we’ve been text well with each other, trying to follow the tide method, and he got in contact with me first twice this week alone.
But he has twice spoke about his girlfriend…….I’ve not reacted to him saying this and have not engaged in conversation about this subject, I am surprised that he is calling her his girlfriend in a short amount of time, but he has just asked me to meet her!
I don’t know if he trying to hurt me and play mind games for not talking to him for a month, which was when he met this girl, or I really have no clue. I know he was at times bad to his ex wife when she would contact him. Oh I just noticed he says about his girlfriend when I post something and my male friends comment and like it, especially when it’s about how I’m changing, for instance “the meet my girlfriend” comes after I posted photos of my new hair style where I’ve added blue undertones to my hair, which I had talked about with him about 4 months ago and he was helping me pick the colours and style etc.

Overthinking

July 2, 2016 at 10:29 pm

No thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 5:30 pm

sorry for the late reply.. don’t focus on him opening up.about his gf.. just agree bec maybe that’s his way of making you jealous..focus on your topics and continuing to be active even.after nc

Marie

June 22, 2016 at 4:40 am

Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. We had been in a ldr for nearly two years. At first he said he still loved me but could not do long distance so we continued to talk…of course I reached out the most. I took a couple of weeks and went on vacation and did not speak to him at all. Meanwhile he liked my photos on social media. After those two weeks we saw each other for the first time after the break up. He seemed interested we talked and hung out a couple of times. However, our talks about our relationship did not always end well. Overall, he seemed to still have feelings, we even kissed a couple of times. After about two weeks he decided to take off and leave again claiming he wanted no contact. I complied.. within two days he messaged me telling me he missed me and whatnot.
Since we broke up he has been very hot and cold. One minute he wants to get back together and the next he doesn’t want to speak to me. Recently he said he wants to be together but he does not want to do the distance, which at this point is not an option. He keeps saying he is thinking about getting back together but the answer always ends up being no.
I don’t really know what to do anymore. I feel like I am making progress but sometimes it seems like nothing has changed. I am afraid to give up on it on the off chance that maybe he is close to changing his mind….. Should I keep trying or is there still a chance the NC could work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 10:12 am

HI Marie,
I think you need to think about what the solution for the distance is..

Wania

June 20, 2016 at 5:34 pm

Hey,
Me and my ex were in a long distance relationship. He wasn’t showing much interest in me and we were having small fights over how he doesn’t love me like before. When ever i would discuss about the problems, he will tell me not to talk about it or just simply ignore me for the day. I was totally done with it since i want someone who would value me the most. I annoyed him with lots of messages on which he asked me to leave him alone it made me really mad and i said that i will leave him alone and that i’m breaking up which led to two days of not talking at all. The 2nd day i apologised for what i said but he said now it’s over. I got really pissed and told him that he will never hear from me again, and that im dead ( i was kinda emotional) and then blocked him from everywhere. It’s been 3 days to that he still hasn’t tried to text me. I really miss him! Do you think he is missing me or thinking? Also, he’s kinda stubborn and gets mad and annoyed easily.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 5:31 am

Hi Wania,

it’s been just three days, if he’s annoyed he probably won’t message in weeks.. so start active nc

Nini

June 20, 2016 at 12:37 pm

Hi! Confused. Was engaged, bf moved overseas to home country to be with family. While working and saving to come back it fell apart because I lied about stupid things and he was so insecure and controlling, lashing out and always wanting to win. At first all he would talk about is our future and the positives. We could even talk things out but then jealousy crept in. Basically we never said “okay we are done” it just kind of fizzled out. He has had 3 rebounds since me, and we have had contact on and off the whole time.

He started doing things like posting photos of me he always liked (on Facebook), talking about “remember when?” First telling me I am astalker because I was upset and trying to rationally talk to him. Then he turned right around and said we should talk. I got deleted from Facebook. Re-added a short time after when the rebound he got in after deleting me ended.

During the times he is not on my friends list, he is constantly changing things on his right after i change mine. When he sent me another request i approved,saw some post about being single awhile, left him alone a couple weeks, and when i reached out, he actually responded with more honesty than i had seen from him in almost a year. He said he was very sad, not doing well, having problems in life. I wanted to be there for him, so I talked to him.

Next day, he is in a relationship. Since then he has done all he can to shove it in my face it feels, at first he was constantly posting about her every day. Telling me she is amazing. I mentioned a friend and he asked if i was seeing him.

Anyway, he even called me in the nex tcouple days. Which he hadn’t done in at least 9 months. Saying he was breaking down, felt like he had nothing etc. Five minutes later I hear a female voice on the end telling him , “You can say its me!” And he said “no no. its fine” He hung up, and I havent heard from him since, despite trying a few times.

I took a month off, did my own thing, tried again. Not sure how the reply will be. But he is living with her because he had no where else to live. He lives in another country still.

When I took him off one social media, he took it upon himself to take me off the other. It always feels like he is doing something to “control” or “get back at” me and all I want to do is fix things. Should I give up? Thank you!

NINI

June 24, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Days after the whole “remember when ” stuff he puilled in Feb, he was saying i am a stalker, because he thought i was posting about him and i wasnt. he said “take a step back or several and i will talk to you.” but in the same convo he got mad because i wasnt answering within five minutes. and ended up wanting to call the next day to talk. we ended up not talking and thats why i gave up from feb til april.

sorry for the long reply, i just wonder if he still thinks i need to back up (because a month is a lot of backing up i thought, esp after he was the one calling me!) but maybe i am wrong. and i worry he doesn’t care now that this girl is in his life.
NINI

June 24, 2016 at 9:46 pm

June 20th. Sorry!
NINI

June 24, 2016 at 9:43 pm

I sent it on the 20th. That was the day we had planned to get married but I don’t think he remembers. He did not reply. But he has done this several times before, and when I gave him space (from Feb 3 when he deleted me from his friends list until April 1 when he sent a friend request I did not message him) he comes back and talks a bit after so much time. I am just worried he wont now because of this girl. They have been togther two months….. Which is the longest solid time he has been with agirl since we broke up. What should I do?

Thank you for your reply!
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 21, 2016 at 8:26 pm

Hi Nini,

has he replied? When did you actually sent the last text?

Desperate

June 18, 2016 at 8:30 pm

Hi,
I have a unique situation but i read this article and still felt as though it applied to me. If i could have a little bit more of a personal opinion that would be great. Here’s a small description of the kind of relationship i’m in:

We met on tinder and talked for two months before he flew me to Dublin (i was living in italy at the moment). It was a short visit but amazing nonetheless. He left me at the airport and texted me not ten minutes later telling me he missed me (how sweet). Fast forward two months. He’s amazing. He regularly messaged/called/skyped me and i was happy. I began to ask when we could see each other again and he said soon but never gave a specific date. Fast forward another month and the frequency of texts/call/skypes slows down significantly. I spoke to him about it regularly and each time he insisted that his feelings havent changed but he’s just busier. I tried to be understanding but i couldnt shake the feeling that he was distancing himself. On top of that he wouldnt mention seeing me. I know realistically we can’t have a relationship with minimal contact. It came time for me to move back to the states and i told him if i was moving further away i needed to see him. He told me he’d plan a date and he seemed serious about it this time. Fast forward another month im home and the communication lessens even more. I am about to end he relationship with the hopes i can get him back. Or should i not bother with this one?

a few other things to mention:
hes talked about me being in his future
he at one point said he loved me
he insists we’re fine but just doesnt show it.

please help. if i break up with him do i try and get him back or is he aq lost cause?

Desperate

June 27, 2016 at 6:02 pm

Hi Amor
I really want him back and between the two of us he has the means right now to visit but blames it on his schedule. I even at one point offered to try and make the trip there myself and he said he didnt think he could spare the time but insists that he doesn’t want the relationship to end.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2016 at 12:36 am

Hi Desperate,

I have a lot of question.. do you want him back? since you’re in ldr..is it always dependent on him on when you would meet?

Dina

June 18, 2016 at 7:09 am

Hey, my boyfriend broke up with me after I visited him in Canada, because he didint see its gonna work for us there, but he doesnt want to come to live with me in my country. But, he didnt want to let me go, instead of that he wanted us to be in some middle zone, not in relationship but still acting like we are – texting,skype ect. He said if space is strong, we will be together again.I said if we are not in relationship, I need to distance myself, and he was like he broke up with me because he was trying so much for our relationship and got tired and I didnt, and he wanted to ,,wake me up,,. He wants to be with me, he loves me, but not right now. I felt like Im plan B or just an option, so I just dissapeard . Now its about 2 weeks ,i deleted my facebook and viber. Im only afraid about misunderstanding.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 19, 2016 at 12:03 am

Hi Dina,

if you’re nc..utilize social media for him to see your posts and increase the chances for him to miss you

« Previous 1 … 31 32 33 34 35 … 81 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

5,237 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”