By Chris Seiter

Published on December 20th, 2021

Today we’re going to be talking to one of our success stories, Jamie Cantrell. She has an incredibly interesting story because she created all this momentum that led to her ex trying to get back with her.

She did this of course by dating other men and reclaiming her ungettable status.

Let’s listen and learn how she did it.

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How She Got Him Back By Dating Other Men

Chris Seiter 0:03
All right, today we’re gonna be talking to another success story. This one has quite the saga. I was like, really? So this is Jamie Cantrell, everyone. She’s got a really interesting story. I was reading through a lot of your posts on our Facebook group. And it seems like you you were broken up from for from your ex for quite a long time before you got him back.

Jamie Cantrell 0:25
Yeah, 10 bucks. Yep. Yeah, it’s

Chris Seiter 0:28
been almost a year basically. Yeah. So why don’t you take us back to the beginning? Like, I know, it’s probably hard to kind of go back to revisit a breakup. But can you can you kind of maybe explain what the breakup, like? What happened to make that occur?

Jamie Cantrell 0:47
Sure, sure. So, we had been together for almost four years. And of course, we’re older in our 50s. And he seemed to be a very kind of a dismissive avoidance. So I learned a lot of those terms through your program, I was first introduced to that. And he kind of started pulling some things that I felt were very inappropriate with a co worker, and I just wasn’t okay with it. And so, you know, I called him out on it. He just dismissed it kind of did a lot of gaslighting. So I said, Hey, I need a break for a couple of weeks to think about this and process it. After those two weeks, I contacted him and said, Hey, here’s what I want for my life. You know, we’ve been together for years, is this relationship progressing? Is it going anywhere? Because if it is, let’s work on this? If not, hey, let me know now. And I’ll move on. And so I always considered myself as you would call a very ungettable girl. And so I kind of laid that ultimatum, if you will, out there. And he kind of said, yeah, no, I don’t, I don’t see us going anywhere, I don’t want to ever get married, and you need to go find somebody else. And we’re just too much alike. And we’re not enough alike. And he just kind of talked in circles and absolutely caught me off guard, I was not prepared for that. So I did the breaking up. But then I was the one that came back and said, Hey, I really want this to work. We have so much invested and he acted like he didn’t want it to work. So I did a little bit of the crazy stuff like you talked about that I’m not very proud of a woman that knows better. I did a little bit of the calling and the texting. And and, and finally I just said, Okay, I stumbled upon your program, actually, it’s what happened after I blocked him and then unblocked him, you know, because we do those crazy things when we’re hurt. And I and I stumbled upon your program, and I just delved into it just 100% did a 30 day no contact, then we kind of I reached out, and then he would go three weeks and not reach out. And then we’d reach out again. So we just kind of back and forth reached out a little bit to each other over the next several months. And he still was just stubborn and did not want to really let me you know, compromise with me or give me any hope that there was a progression to this relationship. And, you know, I probably in your words from your program, I probably pushed the envelope a little bit. But at my age, and after four years, if we’re not going somewhere, let me know. So I can move on. You know, I’m I finally I think through your program. Remember that ungettable girl that I’ve always been and I kind of lost her there for just a little bit. And I think that’s what’s great about your program is even very high quality, high value women can lose ourselves in a relationship when especially powerful women because we like to be in control. And when we feel like we’re out of control, that kind of throws us a little bit. So I got that girl back. And I just implemented everything in your program. And I’ve got some really great stories of how that worked. So well. And then yeah, about Thanksgiving just a couple of weeks ago, he messaged and said, I love you, I want you back I’m reconsidering marriage. I’ll marry you. And, you know, but by that point, Chris, honestly grown and changed so much. That really wasn’t what I wanted anymore. And that was something that I learned in your programs that I didn’t think would happen to me. So success story, not a success story. Depends on how you view it. I view it as a huge success.

Chris Seiter 4:37
Oh, yeah, it’s a huge success for sure. Yeah. I mean, so what’s interesting to me, just like listening to the, to the broad macro strokes of everything is you mentioned like originally the, the precipice of the original breakup was you wanting a deeper commitment, like a marriage type situation, and he seemed to resist that. Had he been married before and had like a poor experience. Was that his resist? Yes, yes. Um, no, I don’t know if this is like overstepping anything. But how long had it been since? Because I’m assuming, you know, they divorced and what have you how long it how, how long had it been since he had been removed from that?

Jamie Cantrell 5:19
Oh, gosh. 20 years? Yeah. So long enough to get over that break.

Chris Seiter 5:25
I see. So it’s almost like a wound, you know, like, it’s just like, he carries the the bad memories of that relationship with him. But what’s fascinating is you had him do a complete heel turn, where by the end he wants it’s, I mean, it’s the ultimate irony. By the end he he’s asking you to basically marry him. And you’re just like, yeah, no, no, which is kind of what our program is trying to, to get people to believe. But for me, the most important thing is how, how did you get to that mentality?

Jamie Cantrell 5:59
Okay, um, so, oh, gosh, so many things. I just read, read, read your program, I listened to every YouTube video before school after school on the way to work on the way home, oh, my god. on my lunch break, I just, I poured into your programs so much. Because like I said, I’ve always I think inside of every woman, and man, there’s a high quality woman or a high quality man in there. They just don’t always show up as that person on that in that particular season. And so my focus was I really wanted to get me back. And I remember you saying, the only way they come back, is if when you truly move on and you can’t fake moving on. You truly.

Chris Seiter 6:44
It’s like listening to a carbon copy version of I can’t tell you how often I’ve been up there in that YouTube room, saying that exact thing and thinking I wonder if people are actually listening to this? And finally someone has Yes,

Jamie Cantrell 6:58
yes. So that really clicked with me that

Chris Seiter 7:06
I could start here, you know, No, you’re good. It’s it is what it is.

Jamie Cantrell 7:11
But my set my phone is kind of being weird right here. So yeah, I mean, I can’t

Chris Seiter 7:16
see you. But I can hear you and hearing us more important than seeing you right now.

Jamie Cantrell 7:23
I’m gonna see if I can, I can find you back here again. I don’t know what happened. Somebody called me and my phone is just,

Chris Seiter 7:30
oh, that’s all good. You’re just the popular you’re not gettable girl. You know, you got lots of attention.

Jamie Cantrell 7:36
Yes. Okay. So there you are. So anyway, what happened is, I knew that I had to 100% Move on. I had to get over him somehow. And in the back of my mind, I was thinking this is a way to get him back. But then I knew I couldn’t have that in the back of my mind,

Chris Seiter 7:56
or Yeah, it’s a paradox.

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Jamie Cantrell 7:58
Yep. Yeah. So that was that was tough. You know, of course, learning all about the ungettable girl. And I just really dove into that I actually started telling other women about it. And I teach high school girls, so I would talk to them about things that I learned from your, your podcast, you said, Hey, I joined. That’s really great. Let me share with you some relationship stuff, and then helped me because now I was teaching them but I was also teaching myself again. I’m the one this should be

Chris Seiter 8:28
right. They should. They should be teaching my book in call in high school. Right? They should.

Jamie Cantrell 8:33
Yeah, I do I teach it. Oh, um, the one thing that worked for me, and a lot of people may criticize this because I know I put on a Facebook post. And you know, some people said, I don’t think that’s, that’s right, what you’re doing. But I dated, I jumped right back into the dating scene immediately, for a couple of reasons. Number one, I thought I have 53 time to waste. And I am a goal oriented person. And if I want a loving, committed relationship, I’m going to go after it. But I’m very, very picky. So it has to be the right guy. So I knew I was gonna have a long search. The other thing was, I did not want to really jump back into dating I would cry on the way to a date I quicker on the way home for this from the date. I you know, my heart was just still broken, but I didn’t like a job I forced myself to go out and meet people. And what I found was it did several things. Number one, it allowed me to practice being ungettable to practice being flirty yet confident to to practice getting back to that place that I knew I should be. The second thing it did was I met some really great guys and at first I thought I’m never going to fall in love again like he’s it he’s he’s my life. And it took a lot of dates, but about the 10th. One, I met a guy that I’m like, Hey, I think I kind of like him. And so that helps a lot. Let me move on. So I started realizing, even if it doesn’t work out with this guy, I found him. I can find more. Yeah, so the thing that worked the best and and this is where it may be a little controversial, but I think you should put it in your program because it works brilliantly. All of the guys that I met online, wanted my phone number. And I told them that I didn’t feel comfortable giving my number out just yet. But I would love to be on Facebook or Instagram friends with him and we could stalk each other a little bit. They were all for that. And that worked perfectly, because then I would getting catfished

Chris Seiter 10:45
looks like quite literally ungettable.

Jamie Cantrell 10:48
Yes. And what happened was, they all started liking all my Facebook posts, and all my Facebook posts and Instagram posts are public. So I knew my ex would be watching. And it you talk about the law of scarcity worked brilliantly. So now I’ve got 3040 high quality men because I didn’t give my I didn’t entertainment that I didn’t feel work work high quality. They were liking all my posts, they were saying comments like you’re absolutely gorgeous. You’re so beautiful. I love your style. And it’s these men from all over, but many of them were somewhat close within it within 100 mile radius. So my ex is seeing all this. Now I didn’t know he was seeing it. I had no clue he was even watching. But later I found out that he most certainly was. And the guys that I was talking to on these sites and being friends with on Facebook, now they see all these other guys liking my stuff, so they think I’m ungettable so now scarcity just kind of compounded. And yeah, guys I didn’t even know before it came out of the woodwork. Other exes came back from years ago. It was It was the craziest thing because I really worked my Facebook and Instagram like you talked about I went skydiving, I went,

Chris Seiter 12:11
I can’t believe you went crazy. I would never do. I know I say like do these crazy things. But I’m the classic case of like, Yeah, I do skydiving, but I would, I would never do skydiving.

Jamie Cantrell 12:25
I forced myself to just do all these really crazy cool things that I never thought I could do. And I posted about all of it on social media. I did shout out to clothing stores as me wearing a new dress. And so it didn’t it didn’t look like you did post a really

Chris Seiter 12:43
interesting. Oh, you will you did post it like the picture that caught me. Most was you posted this picture, like when you were talking about your success story. And it’s a view like in front of this red Mustang? Or is it a Mustang or just really, really nice red card? I was just like, wow, that’s a pretty that’s a pretty awesome post.

Jamie Cantrell 13:05
Yeah, and that was it. That was another guy that I met. Just online, just actually on Facebook, he just saw the cool things that I was and I was I would just like other guys things on Facebook, I just put myself out there I put myself open to dating, even though I wasn’t ready. I think if you wait until you’re ready with anything with you know, doing your business, if you waited until you had all your ducks in a row, you probably would never have done it because know this, things aren’t always going to be prime time to do something. So I just jumped into dating. And I wasn’t ready. And but I just said okay, I’m gonna practice being ungettable in this moment and with this guy and just see where things go. And that is what helped me to really move on.

Chris Seiter 13:55
Yeah, well, you know, what’s also interesting, but what you said you said, like what might be controversial that I was going on these dating websites, I’ve actually found. I’ve learned a lot this past year just by interviewing success stories. Like to me, I’m very interested in what actually works. You know, I’ve done all the research on the psychology. So I could sit here and like say like we can talk about attachment styles, we can actually talk about how rebound relationships, scientists or psychologists actually think rebound relationships is one of the best ways to quote unquote, get over an ex which is kind of what you experienced a little bit but what I found is a consistent pattern among people who are getting their exes back as they do go on other dates when they’re not ready. So I think there is something to that. But it seems to me like you men

Jamie Cantrell 14:41
are very I think men are competitive creatures. And they they can’t stand it when they think you’re seeing somebody else. But if they think you’re seeing a better man, a higher quality man, a man with a Ferrari you and they really it really drives them crazy. And so that’s what worked really well for me. And I would encourage it because you not only increase that law of scarcity, you get to practice being a high quality woman, but you get to meet some really fascinating people. And some of them were now great friends. Some of them were going through a really hard breakup. And they said, and we both kind of said, Hey, I’m not ready to jump into anything serious just yet. I’m going through this breakup. And they would say, Hey, me, too. So I became battle buddies. With a guy that I was talking to on a dating and best friend.

Chris Seiter 15:42
What’s great, yeah, sometimes you force those connections through hardship. Yeah. You just seem like really, really get the mentality, like you put a lot of work into getting to that place emotionally, where you just were willing to be like, okay, whatever. If I don’t get him back, I don’t get them back. Do you think just forcing yourself to go on dates? When you didn’t? Like you mentioned, you’re crying in the car, which, which is, which is horrible. You’re crying going back from the day, which again, is horrible. Do you think, like, I guess at what point did that kind of stop and it became more about the empowerment side of things, as opposed to like, you’re just hung up on your ex?

Jamie Cantrell 16:24
Oh, gosh, I’m a quick bounce back or girl so quickly. However, I would say let’s see, we broke up right around Valentine’s Day, February. So March, April, May, June, I would say it was about four or five months. That I actually said, Okay, I’m doing this for me. And, and the the thing about going on dating sites, and forcing myself to do things I wasn’t ready for and go workout I worked out like crazy hit the gym, every day, and really working on myself was I had to say, I might love him. But I love me more. And I will do whatever it takes to show self love to myself. And if that means putting myself out there and letting myself be vulnerable for another man to love me, then that’s what I’m going to do, I will guard my heart in the process. But I firmly believe I’m a Christian. So that offends anybody. I apologize. But I firmly believe that God has an amazing, awesome, wonderful future and plan for all of us. And I knew my guy was out there. And I just said, Okay, I’m gonna go find him. And you know, I told my ex and I told other guys since then, hey, I want a man that’s going to show up with intentional, purposeful behavior in my life. And if that’s you, great, I would love to move forward with you. But if it’s not, that’s okay. It’s okay to and maybe you’re not my guy, maybe there’s a better guy out there for me. And maybe there’s a better girl out there for you. That’s the look. And see what that says right there works like, he might not believe how well it works. All of a sudden men are oh so much more interested when they’ve been ghosting you or orbiting you all of a sudden, they’re so much more interested now.

Chris Seiter 18:18
Yeah, I was actually just about to say why I think they’re more interested in us because they, you almost like position yourself as someone who who has confidence and who has self value. Whereas I think a lot of women, at least when they come into our orbit orbit, they don’t really have confidence. And they don’t have self value, because they become completely codependent on the relationship. So half of the battle we struggle with is trying to teach them healthy habits like this is how secure attachments are supposed to be. This is like what it’s supposed to look like. And what’s really interesting to me is before like, like towards the beginning of this interview, you mentioned that you always kind of had considered yourself as like an ungettable girl. And then you get into this relationship and you feel like you kind of lost a little bit of that. And then you know, the breakup happens and you still don’t think you’re there, that’s actually consistent with what we’re seeing across the chain with attachment styles and how someone who has a completely secure attachment style can get into a relationship with an avoidant and all of a sudden become extremely anxious. So like it’s important. I think that the big issue and I’m really eager to get your thoughts on this, but I think the big issue that most people have, is they have this misconception that the work stops once you get the guy, you know, right. And they get a little bit maybe complacent and all of a sudden they start getting into their anxious behaviors. Do you feel like that’s sort of what happened to you a little bit in your breakup?

Jamie Cantrell 19:51
Absolutely, absolutely. I have been through way worse heartaches than this one. And always bounce back. So after salutely You know, you get if you’re in a relationship with somebody that’s an avoidant, or toxic or narcissist or whatever, they do kind of wear you down little by little, and you don’t really recognizing that it’s happening and you don’t realize that you’re losing yourself. And then you you get fearful and you get anxious. And especially for alpha females like me, I want to control everything. And so, yeah, that I think you’re absolutely right. I think depending on what relationship you’re in, it can trigger some anxious behavior. And the key is to stop and say, Okay, this anxious behavior is not healthy. And that’s what your program did. It allowed me to see my behavior from a, from an outside perspective and say, Oh, my gosh, I am acting that way. And I need to stop. So in all the dating relationships in the last 10 months, I got to practice being more securely attached, I got to practice saying, hey, he hasn’t texted me for five hours. That’s okay. He’s probably busy. No big deal. Sometimes I do that too. And I didn’t let it trigger me. And so the more I practice that secure attachment style, the more great high quality men were just beating down my door, because you come at it from a standpoint of I may want you, but I certainly don’t need you. And I wanted to treat you well. But I also want to be treated well, also. And so. Yeah, absolutely. That that we’ve got to get ourselves back to that secure attachment place that you’re talking about.

Chris Seiter 21:38
Yeah, well, also, it seems to me, like you’re really, really good. With regards to getting to those. Like, I feel like maybe you have experienced bad breakups and have come through the other end and felt like, I’m okay. And you can maybe draw from that. Whereas you’re a little bit older than their average customer, right? Or average customers, like, kind of, you know, like in their mid 20s or so. And a lot of them have maybe only like, this is the first big breakup to where they don’t really have a little bit of experience to draw from. Whereas I feel like one of your advantages is that you knew deep down that even though it hurt, it was going to be okay. What do you think I could say to someone who’s struggling in a breakup to get them to connect in and sort of buy in, because I do find I have a lot of trouble getting people to buy in, when they’re in these in the depths of pain, you know, so what do you think would work?

Jamie Cantrell 22:39
Oh, you know, I think a lot of it is just time and and that’s really hard to tell somebody when they’re hurting. But yes, I have been through. Like, we talked earlier, I’ve written a book of all of my breakups and hardships that I’ve had. And I feel like I’ve let I’ve lived three to four lifetimes, I’ve really, really horrific experiences. And so I knew that this breakup was not going to break me, it hurts. I was sad. But I knew I loved myself enough that I would get over it and people that haven’t been there. You know, I think it just, it just takes time to get them through that. But to tell somebody, Hey, this too shall pass. It’s going to take some time, but you’re going to be okay. It’s hard for them to wrap their mind around that. So the best thing you can do is tell them that, but then also give them strategies like you do. And again, one of the biggest strategies is move on date other people, I don’t care if you’re ready now. Now I know a lot of people will say that’s horrible, horrible advice. But coming from a woman who has been in that place, many times I’ll tell you what, it feels really good to have a high quality man or any man for that matter to say, You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re sexy, you’re amazing. Your ex was an idiot, even if you don’t like that guy. Yeah, we all need validation when we’re in that place of insecurity. And when we feel like we’re not loved and we’re not worthy. We all want that. And so in a way, you know, somebody had mentioned on your Facebook to one of my posts, they said it seems like maybe you’re just using these guys to get validated. Yeah, maybe I I’m not even gonna, gonna try to deny that I was putting myself out there and it was not intentionally to feel validated. But that was a byproduct that happened. I put myself out there because I knew I needed to move on. And the only way for me to move on was to show myself this guy is not on a pedestal. There are other guys that hold a much higher place than him. And I need to go prove to myself there are other high quality men out there. And this guy that I think I love so much is not my whole world. So that was my purpose in the process. They did make me feel absolutely amazing. And so I think, I think that’s a hard sell, to be able to tell people, hey, just jump back in the saddle again, jump into the ring of fire. I think that’s a hard sell, because you still have to guard your heart in that process. But I think it’s practicing being the ungettable girl in that dating scene. You don’t want to not date for a year or two years, I think. I think you’ll it makes it even harder, because then you’re so scared to jump back in.

Chris Seiter 25:48
Yep. Yeah, I mean, it’s, it’s really, I think, really, the heart of the thing you’re talking about here is momentum. But like both positive negatively, like, let’s say you have someone who is too afraid to jump back in, and they go years without dating, well, then they have all sorts of negative momentum. And then they have this wall built up. And they don’t let anyone in. Whereas you took the opposite approach, which is okay, I’m going to practice on other men. And ironically, that’s what created the momentum that potentially may have. I mean, it just kind of feeds off itself, right? You know, you have this guy liking your posts, this guy liking your posts, and then usually have your ex seeing this, and they have this guy seeing all this and, you know, it just kind of feeds off of itself. And it it creates opportunity. And I think that’s something that a lot of people when they go through breakups don’t really feel like they have because their whole world is wrapped around this one guy. And the the weird part about this is, you technically got your ex back. But you right, and you actually, I think transcended just that, because you had a position where you could choose whether you wanted to take them back or what you like, wanted to move on to all of these other opportunities, right? I think right? That’s, to me, that’s the ultimate power of your approach. I could see why it is a hard sell from for someone. But if you want my opinion, just from everything I’ve seen over the past decade of just talking to people and asking them what’s really working. The one consistent trend we have seen is getting to this place where you’ve let go, and also dating other people. It seems that is like the most consistent thing you can do to have success long term. And I think you hit me, you’ve been probably the most vocal person I’ve talked to successfully was about going out dating other people. But I can I can see why when you had so much success. Because it’s it’s not just that you got your ex back and you look at all these men just foaming at the mouth on social media. You know, that’s kind of a nice,

Jamie Cantrell 28:02
it’s actually been very, very fun. And and those guys will say, they’ll make comments like, wow, I don’t know that I can compete with all of these other guys, you have a string of guys that are hitting you up on social media. Are you talking to any of them? How can I compete with that? Or, you know, and you can just smile and say, hey, you know, maybe the best man wins. But effort? Well, it’s, yeah, I think I think that women need to learn that. You know, we have one life to live and you want the best people in your corner and the best mate in your life. And we need to not put these men that are pulling the shenanigans if somebody doesn’t want me, or if they’re on the fence about me, for after four years. I certainly don’t want to try to convince them that I should be in their life. Why would I want that Guy? Guy that instead of being on the fence about me, would jump fences for me. And that’s the guy I want. And so I just kind of set it up almost really like a an interview, I made a spreadsheet and every guy had an asset and a liability column and they didn’t check off enough assets. were gone. That’s

Chris Seiter 29:19
tough. That is tough. So this so now I’m definitely going to jump into that. So asset and liability caught and what were some examples of some of the assets and some of the liabilities some of these men would have without naming too many names and we don’t want we don’t want okay, too many men upset but

Jamie Cantrell 29:38
no, no and assets and liabilities are going to be different for different people. But for mine we have to have the same political standpoint. We have to be a Christian and the same denomination or similar denomination to what i What’s his core values.

Chris Seiter 29:53
Those are like non negotiables for you like they have to be me it would be a nightmare to be in a relationship with someone who’s a Democrat and someone who’s a Republican, I’m imagining that create a lot of friction. The same thing goes with religion, I would assume it, you know, if you if you’re, you know, you get the Christian in the in the Muslim together I’m, that’s, that’s not going to be too much of a of an issue I might pay to watch that movie, but I would not pay to exist in that relationship.

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Jamie Cantrell 30:24
Right. And you know always before if when I was in a relationship it was Oh, I like him, he likes me we have this chemistry, let’s let’s get a relationship. But after this breakup, I realized, okay, chemistry is not enough. Short term connection is not enough, I need this long term connection. So I am not going to go for any guy that doesn’t make these core assets, I need it. I’m a hard worker, I go out and I hustle, and they had to hustle as hard as me, or harder than me. Financial stability was a big one for me. And these are going to be different for every person. I didn’t want somebody with young children, I didn’t want to raise anybody else’s kids. I’ve been there done that. So they’re all going to all those assets are going to look a little different liabilities. If they started orbiting or ghosting, maybe we were talking and maybe we went out on a few dates. And you know, there was really connection and there was chemistry, but then they kind of started getting a little you know, just orbiting or ghosting, I had no problems at this point, just shooting them a text and saying, hey, I can tell you’re pulling away a little bit, you’re being a little bit just it, no worries, maybe we should just date other people. I want somebody that’s going to show up with purpose in my life. And if that’s you great, feel free to clarify. But if it’s not best of luck to you, and I’ll tell you why they got a little offended. Pretty right off the bat. And they always come back. They always come back around and say, you know, especially if you just have the attitude, I really have the attitude of okay, he’s not my guy. Move on. Number two, number 12. Whatever. Yeah.

Chris Seiter 32:07
Well, I think I think that’s a great attitude to have. Because the big issue most people think is this x is the only person I can be with. And your your approach is kind of like, no, there’s these 15 other guys here, each with their own assets and liabilities. I can just find more. I’ll just keep finding more. I think what the beauty of it really is. Think about maybe in your younger days, when dating websites didn’t exist, it was impossible to do something like that. Because it’s really hard to find that, especially if you’re like in a small town or something right? You everyone knows everyone, you’re kind of stuck. But nowadays, it’s not so hard to be able to have that mentality and find the right match.

Jamie Cantrell 32:51
And I think sometimes we get stuck on thinking, well, this is my soulmate, but think about it. I tell my high school students how rare is it that your soulmate lives within a 50 mile radius or goes to your same school? That’s so odd. Why can’t your soulmate be an app?

Chris Seiter 33:06
Remember high school I remember my first girlfriend thinking I was gonna marry her had it all planned out. And then you know, it’s it’s unrealistic, but that’s experience talking and sometimes you have to experience the experience to actually have the experience you know?

Jamie Cantrell 33:27
Yeah, I think I tell a story of the shipwrecked sailor I think shipwrecked sailors have a lot of wisdom to share you know, you have a diety shipwrecked. And he’s been there for years and a beautiful yacht comes pulling up to the island and he runs out and says, Don’t come near here. There’s big boulders underneath the water, they’re gonna rip your boat apart, go around to the other side and, and pull in over there. And the captain yells at him and says, Why would I listen to you? You’ve been shipwrecked.

Chris Seiter 33:52
It’s like the sirens from the Odyssey.

Jamie Cantrell 33:56
Sometimes shipwrecked, people have a lot of wisdom to share. You know, we can say hey, here’s the pitfalls you don’t want to fall into. So I’ve been around enough and been through again, like I said, they can read my book and all the relationship issues, I’ve had to be able to say, hey, you will get over this and new day. And there will be a new face that will brighten your life. But you need to open yourself up to that you cannot be so closed off to a relationship with somebody else. And this man or this woman, whoever it was, it broke your heart. They need to come off of that pedestal. They do not need to take up any more space in your head. They don’t pay my thought was I do real estate. I thought he’s not paying rent to get to live in my head.

Chris Seiter 34:45
Yeah, that’s a great analogy

Jamie Cantrell 34:47
about it. Yeah, I went about it with everything that I had to get him out of my head and if that meant replacing him with a bunch of other guys until I found my guy then that’s what I did. But he did not have the right to live there and occupy that space when he wasn’t treating me. Well.

Chris Seiter 35:09
I love it. Now, you had mentioned that you’ve written a few books, why don’t you tell us about some of those books?

Jamie Cantrell 35:17
Okay, the first one is called victory ladder, how to move your mountain to face face book on how to have faith, extreme kind of faith. So that’s another thing that helped me to I just really believe that, you know, the glasses, always. It’s not just half full, it’s full, I suggested extreme optimist. So my second book, though, probably more applicable, is called stolen halos. And it’s for women who have been hurt, especially in a relationship. So I have been through physical abuse. My ex has been cheated on me with multiple, multiple multiple women. Lots of really, really horrific situations that that I won’t go into people can read the book, but it’s called stolen halos. And so it’s how to, for women to get their Halo back, to be able to get back to that place that that beautiful woman that God created them to be to be fragile and vulnerable and feminine and soft, yet be bold and courageous, and fierce and confident at the same time. And my third book, which is in process is called power play. And I teach leadership on the college level. So that’s for women that want to have a little bit more power, a little bit more influence in fields that are predominantly dominated by men.

Chris Seiter 36:37
Yeah, so weirdly enough, I really love that name stolen halos. It’s such a cool take on it. Just just because there’s like, you know, it’s kind of like you have this pure Halo, you know, like, and then you get into the relationship and the men just screw the halo up. And so it’s kind of like, I love that. Thank you for coming on. And so like, it was mind blowing how confident and awesome you were, and I’m so happy that you actually listened to the advice. I can’t tell you how many people don’t listen to it.

Jamie Cantrell 37:13
Now I would my big thing is anybody that is listening, get Chris’s program, buy it, it’s worth every dime. I did a coaching session with Anna so worth it so 100% worth it. It just confirms really what I already needed to know. But for women that don’t have this confidence level that I have, you’ve got to get the program you’ve just got to work the program but again, you got to listen, when Chris says you have to move on you have to work on yourself, love yourself be ungettable and truly move on. That’s when they come back and then you have the option you whether you want to take him back or whether you don’t you hold hold all the power at that point.

Chris Seiter 37:58
Finally someone gets it

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