Today we’re going to be hearing from Laura, one of our Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program Success Stories who got her ex back after 10 months.

How did she do it?

Well, that’s what this interview was conducted for.

Here are some of the things you can expect this interview to cover.

  • How getting over your ex may be the key to getting them back
  • How to get your ex back after a year or more apart
  • What kind of tactics work and don’t work
  • The importance of the private facebook support group

Let’s dive in.

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How One Woman Got Her Ex Back After A Year Apart

Chris:
It started recording right now. Okay, so today we’re going to be talking to a very special success story named Laura who successfully gotten her ex back. We’re going to be asking her all kinds of questions about how she did it. So how are you doing, Laura?

Laura:
Sorry, what was that?

Chris:
How are you doing Laura?

Laura:
Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, how are you?

Chris:
I’m doing great. So I know nothing about your situation. So why don’t you just give us a little bit of a primer on how the breakup went down and what you had to do to get him back?

Laura:
Yeah, so basically it was last February I actually broke up with him and which now a lot of the stories by the people… broke up with them.

Chris:
Right.

Laura:
And I was actually still with him for about three ish months before I found the program. And then I decided to proceed with it and start my no contact. I did the first time, because we hadn’t had any arguments or anything like that. I know some people that had previously. So it was 21 days that I did, but I think I did 22 or 23, the first no contact. And then after that, we were doing the texting phase of the program where I’d send him messages and it was just normal texting really. I use the online stuff a lot through social media and asking for help on how to text in the right way so that I’m always getting responses, but it was always quite positive responses.

Laura:
We live quite close to each other. So when I was going out, I’d see him out and then he would ask me if I wanted to meet up and stuff like that. Whilst we’re in the texting phase, we did meet up with him. Because he was saying, “Is there any chance that we can get back together?”. That kind of thing. I’d already at that point, because I was focusing on me and my trying to end and stuff like that, and making sure I was making the most out of my situation at that time. I was planning on going away and I was going traveling over the summer. So although we were in the texting phase, it wasn’t really working out because I had too many plans. So I overdone it… almost.

Laura:
I came back in September. So that was June time we were speaking quite a bit and then I went away and came back in September and we were speaking a bit more. Then we met up and he said that he didn’t want to proceed with things and he thinks he should date other people. And I just said… well, if you want to date other people, that’s fine. And I spoke to people on the group at the time and I decided to do another no-contact of 21 days. But it ended up actually being 30 days because through that time I seen him three times.

Chris:
So you live close to him. So you just happened to like run into him?

Laura:
Yeah, he lives around the corner. Yeah, it was at pubs and stuff like that. When you’re out with your mates and then he’d just turn up. And there was one situation where I was out and we were in a pub and he came up behind me. This is only a week and a half after we’d had that conversation so I was in no contact and he came up behind me, and I was with my mates, and he slapped my bum in front of all of my friends. And obviously I told the people on social media and they’re like… “Oh no, just prolong it. No contact for more days.” So that’s why I did it for the 30 days.

Chris:
Had he been drinking or something? That just sounds…

Laura:
Oh yeah, I think he was definitely drunk.

Chris:
Okay.

Laura:
So yeah, throughout the no contact, while he contacts me, which it didn’t happen in the first no contact. He contacted me in the first couple of days. But throughout that whole 30 days he was contacting me and I think he thought… I know she’s definitely going out. Before I was still hanging on… If you get what I mean. Thank and hopefully left the situation. But by the time it had come September and I’d done all this stuff to make him see me how I was a gas previously when we first met. Then now I think, it got to a date that… so he’d been sending me messages throughout but hadn’t responded. And then it got date that, and literally on date that he was ringing me, so rang me like three or four times.

Laura:
But I was on the way to meet one of my mates. So obviously I didn’t answer, but it was a Saturday as well and that’s off limits. So I wasn’t going to answer anyway. And then on this he rang me like three times, I think it was. And then I answered and we had a conversation and he said.. he originally said come with me. And I said I can’t meet him. So we had a conversation over the phone instead. And… why I said that you regretted everything and he wanted to sort things out and we just dated after that. So it was just day in and we dated until December and then I was thinking… things aren’t going to work out at that point. Cause it had been so long that we had been dating in my head and I think it was the same. I think he was scared about getting back together, but then after the new year we got back together and it all worked out in the end and things are great now.

Chris:
So from what I’m gathering, you… originally going back. You’re the one who broke up with him, assuming this happened last year?

Laura:
Yeah. That’s right. So in total, about 10 or 11 months for us to get back together after we broke up for three months prior.

Chris:
So… So…

Laura:
Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

Chris:
So it seems to me you initiated the first breakup… am I remembering that correctly? And then he initiated another breakup. So it was like you said, you got back together in September or something and then broke up again?

Laura:
Nice. So in September we were speaking again, and… [crosstalk 00:06:11]

Chris:
So you’re not official. You’re just talking.

Laura:
Yeah, we were just talking and dating and stuff at that time. But then I think he was going through a lot anyway’ Personally, it just wasn’t the right time for us to be getting back together then. So I think giving that space we had made things a lot better to what it is now.

Chris:
So when… Who’s the one who asked or got to the point where you’re asking Hey, what are we? Are we back together? How did that conversation go down? Where were you? what did he say? What did you say?

Laura:
We’d had food at his house. And I just said, where are we with things? And he said, well, we’re always together so we might as well just be together. And then we were just, yeah, and then we were just together.

Chris:
That was it, Huh?

Laura:
Yeah, that was it.

Chris:
It’s super easy. It’s almost surprising how simple it works to seal the deal so to speak.

Laura:
Yeah. It looks like that when you first meet someone. It’s just different because I’ve never been with someone, broke up with them, and then got back together with them.

Chris:
So man, it took you a long time. I mean we’re talking about almost a year. At any point did you just sort of think to yourself… is this even worth it? Should I just give up? Were you ever at that point emotionally?

Laura:
Yeah, in December I felt like things were good between us. But you know, when you just have a sense this just isn’t going to work out to let you sleep. Nothing. That’s when he realized that he needs to do more for us to get back together. The worry all the time but throughout worry full, is this really worth my time and effort? When I was away as well when I traveled around Asia and I was away and I was still speaking to him some of the time. It was a bit, not negative… what’s the in-between like… not really much conversation and felt a bit awkward. So they even let you know because I was with him before I broke up for four years. I know him, it was weird because it felt like we couldn’t speak naturally. But at times throughout the process, when it was natural, it was really good. And that’s when things were going well. It was just that in that middle bit, especially.

Chris:
So the middle bit, I guess, is what I’m more interested in. It seems like you went into no contact the very first time and it worked pretty well. And he got back in contact and the two of you we’re talking back and forth. What, in your opinion, went wrong to make him sort of scared to not want to commit? Or what did you think didn’t work about that?

Laura:
Well, I think given the fact that obviously I broke up with him, I think that hurt him a lot. I could tell that it destroyed him a bit and I felt terrible about it. When you see your best mate going through heartbreak, it’s a bit weird because you’re going through the same thing. And that’s what happened prior to finding the program. And then when we, after my past no contact for a month through that phase of talking and not talking. I don’t really know what was going through his head at the time that I could tell. He was not himself around me. It took a lot for it to get to that again and that wasn’t until after the second no contact. and a bit more dating before we were talking normally.

Laura:
We didn’t really go on proper dates like the first time after the first no contacts We didn’t have anything when we went out for a meal or that kind of thing. Whereas after the second, that’s what we were doing. We were going out, we were going out properly. Not just meeting. Because it’s easy to just meet up when you live around the corner.

Chris:
Yeah. Yeah.

Laura:
And we might escape for a walk or something and that’s what we would do. And in that time…

Chris:
You wouldn’t even go for a walk at all after the first no contact whatsoever? Was it just more texting and calling each other, but not doing anything else past that point?

Laura:
Yeah, it was like a week when we were both free. So we met up in that time and then I think he was on holiday then I was on holiday. So, there was very much we couldn’t really meet. Neither of us had the time to do that at that time. And I think that was why it didn’t work the first time because we both just had too many plans.

Chris:
Did either of you guys date anyone else in the 10, 11 months it took for you guys to get back together, like officially?

Laura:
I’m pretty sure he was. Well, he said he did. So he definitely did. I don’t know when and I’m not really interested in the detail, but I know that he did. And for me I spoke to people, but I didn’t ever go on any dates with anybody else.

Chris:
Okay. So throughout this 10 month period. After the first no contact, coming up onto the second no contact. What caused you to make the decision to jump into a second no contact?

Laura:
I think he was in a bad place where was losing a family member, unfortunately. And I think it was like when you sit and have a conversation with someone and they’re like just a bit all over the place and you just know this isn’t going to work when either one of us is going to be feeling like that. That’s kind of what happens. I wanted to be there for him. I knew that he didn’t want me to be there for him. I sat and spoke to him and I could just tell… I’m so sorry you’re going through that. And he says what does it matter?

Laura:
I just know that he didn’t want me there. And then he started speaking about dating other people and maybe somebody else. And I said, well, if that’s what you want to do and that’s what it’s going to make you happy, then just go and do that then. And he said, Whoa, I’ll just end up coming back to you. Well, your just going to date other people. It was a bit like I can’t change your mind right now. So just go away.

Chris:
What I’m kind of curious about now is how effective the second period of no contact was. Cause it seems like before you had done the second no-contact you had tried a lot of things. But your schedule and his schedule just wouldn’t overlap to the point where you could see each other in person pretty consistently. So you’re just sort of stuck in this limbo where you can only talk or text over the phone. The second no contact. I think you mentioned that he contacted you quite a bit during it. Is that exactly what happened?

Laura:
Yeah.

Chris:
And what were some of the contents of the messages? What were some of the ways he would try to talk to you during that second period of no contact?

Laura:
So we’ve always used the social media Snapchat quite a lot. Now I never opened them until after. Cause if I open them, he’ll be able to…

Chris:
He’ll know you read it.

Laura:
It’s not really then no contact, is it? So I never opened them until afterwards. And then when I went through them, they’re random things… what he’s doing in the day and stuff like that. And I’d put Snapchat stuff as well on my actual story and comment on them like… Oh, can I come out for a walk with your dog and stuff like that. But obviously I didn’t open them until after the 30 days when we started speaking again. And then he did send one really long message saying, it was kind of the middle of no contact, say like Day 15 sort of time. Just out of the blue, saying he doesn’t know where he’s at in his head and that type of thing. I can’t remember the whole message to be honest. But it was like an emotional sort of message, but nothing saying I want to get back with you and it was very much so borderline. Because, all the way through I don’t know what I want sort of thing until we didn’t know what he wanted.

Chris:
So you guys eventually get back together. But going to that point, how long did it take after he got out of no contact… how many months did it take before you get out of that second no contact to the point where you’re actually back together? How long were you talking to him, seeing him in person… or was it what’s it like a pretty quick race to the finish?

Laura:
It was about three and a half months until we got back together.

Chris:
And how often were you guys talking on the phone to each other or texting each other and seeing each other in person? Was it like an everyday occurrence?

Laura:
No. So to start with, it was once every two to one week sort of thing. But then we speak and in between by messages and calling and then it just got close to Cameron. And then by Christmas we were seeing each other every couple of days sort of thing. And then it was pretty much not just after new year that we got back together.

Chris:
So for you… you think seeing each other pretty much every single or every couple of days is really what spurted it on to get that sort of relationship back on track?

Laura:
Yeah, I think so. I think my… perhaps not… I don’t know. It depends on the person that you both asked. We are not the sort of people that need to see each other all the time, even though he lives really close. It’s not like I have to see him every day. It’s feel like I’m in a relationship. But I do think that closeness does make you feel closer. I guess to somebody… if that makes any sense.

Chris:
Yeah. It kind of does. It’s sometimes hard to remember years back what you did and everything. I guess when you look at your experience as a whole of going through the process… what do you think was the most effective thing that you did like for you personally? Cause every time I ask a success story of this, they always come up with really different answers that I wouldn’t expect. So I’m kind of curious what yours is when you look back at the whole situation. What is that one strategy that you use that you feel made the biggest difference for you?

Laura:
I think it’s like being MOMA or of a fast life, I think one of the reasons why we broke up in the first place was because we just weren’t very good at communicating. One thing that I did whilst I was in no contact and speaking to the people in the group was looking at things like crucial conversation, it’s not just about now. It’s not like whilst we’re now back together to have those conversations, it’s got to be started somewhere and rather than not coming across well. I didn’t like before, when I was in a relationship with him, it was almost like everything just got shoved under the rug. Whereas now we actually speak about things and that helps out during that time as well. So even whilst we were dating we were having those conversations and building that all up. And like now, we can speak about anything because of that. I think anything that’s bothering either one of us, we can have conversations. Whereas I really do think that just wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t find the program.

Chris:
So you’re saying… and this is interesting. You’re saying that one of the biggest things you took was the fact you need to be better at communicating throughout the entire, I guess, conversations that you have with him. Did you take that approach when you were trying to win him back? Even when you were just talking to him?

Laura:
Yeah, definitely like a lesson of the whole program on YouTube.

Chris:
Oh, that’s kind of cool. Can you give me like an example when you’re trying to get him back of a conversation that you would have with him in this new way of thinking?

Laura:
Well, I mean, I suppose that’s more if we’re having a complicated conversation. Like talking about if I’m messaging another guy or if he’s messaging another guy even they might just be amazed. But those types of conversations where instead of just not getting and saying… Oh, why are you messaging her? It’s more like your having fun and you having a laugh. And then in between you kind of sandwich in one of those types of conversations to say… Oh, this is sort of like saying it the same, but not trying not to say it in a naggy way I guess. I can’t put the conversation into words that we would have had like those times at different moments.

Chris:
Yeah. Yeah.

Laura:
But I think one of the things that we’re trying to do is just be straight to the point. And I think he’s the sort of person that would appreciate that. I’m not saying that every single passing that people are going to be where they’re going to appreciate that. But having that openness, just being like the conversation that we had before. No concept. Well, if you’re not going to be happy with me, then go off with somebody else. And being straight like that, I think that helped him to my advantage in the end. It didn’t feel great at the time, but he didn’t know that. So to him it was like… oh well, she’s just doing her own thing. But obviously inside, I was really thinking or growing… I was just going to go off with somebody else. But that obviously didn’t happen.

Chris:
So it’s kind of interesting that you’re to the point, because a lot of the clients that I work with are not ever to the point. And I’m kind of curious about your experience with it. Do you mind if I give you an example and just you tell me how you would have approached it?

Laura:
Yeah.

Chris:
Okay. So let’s say after your second period of no contact, cause that seems to be really where you started to see the biggest difference. For whatever reason, your schedules permitted, seeing each other in person a lot more. It seems like you’re talking a lot more consistently than maybe you were before. But after that second period of no contact, did at any point, he sit back and start asking you about… Hey, what are your feelings? Or was he scared to initiate something like that? How would you handle that situation?

Laura:
So he didn’t ask any of those types of questions at all. I Had to be me because he’s just doesn’t ask anything like that.

Chris:
How would you handle it? Did you bring that up at all and what day did you bring it up?

Laura:
So it got to a point with me where I was a bit flat out lie. I’m just waiting around for you ask me if we’re going to be together or where things are going to go from here. And I did turn to him and say things do seem to be going well, so when are we getting back together? Not demanding in that way, but when are we going to sort things out and be back together? Cause it’s just getting a bit silly now. We are basically back together, but we’ve not got the label.

Laura:
And at that time he was a bit like… Oh, I’m not really sure, I’m not really sure. That type of thing. But then two days later, after we haven’t spoken but I do want to sort things out. When, knowing were going to see each other. We would have those conversations. Sometimes they required time afterwards. Whilst we were dating and obviously not now, but whilst we were dating, I think you’d have those conversations and then give it a bit of time and not keep going over it. Because I mean, I’ve seen cases where people perhaps have done that. In that situation, it just starts an argument and we’d never had any of that. Like we didn’t argue at all through the process.

Chris:
Okay. So you said you would be the one to reach out to him and basically say… Hey, where are we and this is ridiculous. And he just kind of kept pushing it off. Would I be correct in assuming that when he would push it off, you just wouldn’t push any more?

Laura:
Yeah.

Chris:
Okay. So what would happen… and this is just purely theoretical, cause it didn’t happen. How would you handle him coming back and saying something like… you know what? I really, really love you, but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now. If you can put yourself back in that frame of mind where you’re trying to get him back, what is your approach to that situation? How do you think you would respond to it?

Laura:
I’d just say, well then we’re not going to date then are we?

Chris:
And would you back it up? I guess is my point because I see a lot of people who say that, but they don’t back it up. But from what I’m gathering, it seems like one of your biggest advantages in getting him back was the fact like you said, you were willing to give him space after he was like, kind of all over the place. And you said he had a family member that had passed away and you just sort of gave him space. It seems like you were willing to quote unquote, lose him and you were okay with that if that’s what had to happen.

Laura:
Yeah. So I’d say, if it happened in the first month of me starting the program, maybe even the first two months. So I’d probably been a mess about it. But I think it just got to a point where I don’t need you. I just was looking to… first to sort things out and if it wasn’t going to be sorted out, then that’s fine. And that does help. And I think that’s the point that I got into September. And that’s why the second no contact worked so well for me is because I wasn’t bothered anymore.

Chris:
So I guess my question for you would be, how did you get emotionally to that point? What were some of the things that you would do?

Laura:
I mean, the biggest things that I went through, obviously the book that you guys have and there were different points. I focused on that first part of the book, really. I didn’t really read much of the text message in part of the book or read more of that first part where you focus on yourself and look at your own relationships and what you do in the day. Are you spending time doing useful things or are you just sitting around type of thing? I focused on my fitness, and I learned how to play the guitar. Which I can still play and I’m a year into it, well, less than a year, but coming up to a year I’ve now been playing. I’ve got really good at it. And that’s all from starting this program. I was doing like therapy as well at the time.

Laura:
And because I’ve gone through some stuff, which was one of the reasons why we’d broken up. And that helps in going through all of that, like emotional clearance in my head and then taking the time to myself all over the summer. Just sorting out my own issues, my own problems and getting to a point where I just felt secure with everything. I think the biggest problem for me, at the beginning of starting the program, I felt like really insecure about it. Oh, when am I going to get back together or really care about, and this the end of the world. But that was obviously not the case because that’s not realistic. But at the time that’s how I felt in my head because I was a bit of a mess and I needed that going through the program.

Laura:
When I search on the internet, it’s just probably another scam, not no fun.

Chris:
No worries. No worries.

Laura:
It’s like one of them things that you look for stuff on the internet, don’t you? When you’re in a bit of a mess where you sell. And I think that was what it was. I’d never had problems like that before in relationships. It was just this one. For some reason, it had just gone a bit of a mess and we will always find often that last couple of moments. So yeah, I think just focusing on myself, focusing in on the different things I could do. Whether it be going out with my mates and going and doing things on my own. There was a lot of stuff. Even whilst we started dating again we said that we were going to go and do it. But then I’d say, well, do you want to come and do this with me? Like as a date sort of thing. And if he said, no, I’d still go and do it myself. And I think having that confidence and doing that through the program kind of helped me to achieve that.

Chris:
You know it’s interesting you bring that up. Almost every success story that I’ve talked to says something along the same lines of, they stopped focusing so much on what their ex was doing and started focusing on how they were using their time. But I’m also curious… and how you use the program. Cause a lot of people use parts of it and a lot of people don’t use parts of it. So when you look back at your experience, you had mentioned the Facebook group. What do you feel like was the most valuable aspect of our program for you?

Laura:
I’d say probably it’s the support of the Facebook group does really help. Although, the books there are helpful, to read initially. When it actually comes to putting the masters together, you can’t read the alpha book. It’s always good to get somebody else’s opinion and having all them people to back you up on what you’re doing. You just know you’re doing the right thing and speak to people that have gone through the program as well that have achieved that. And whether they’ve decided whether they want their ex back or not, by the end of it, they know what they’re talking about and they just see them help people all the time and they’re definitely helped me.

Laura:
Some specific people that gave me a lot of help whilst I was going through it with the stuff that I’d send generally What would I respond to this type of thing rather than news? The guide of the book is good because everyone’s situation is so different. In some cases to what is in the book, they helped bring it together for each path and in that situation.

Chris:
So would it be fair for me to say that you were at a point emotionally where you knew you were going to be okay, even if you didn’t get him back?

Laura:
Yeah.

Chris:
And would you agree with me when I say that mentality you feel is important to your success of getting him back?

Laura:
Yeah, definitely. And I think all the people that I’ve spoken to on the Facebook groups, stuff like that, that’s the thing as well. They say that’s how they felt and the people then seem happier. I’m in the group of the people that have gone through that and focus that time on themselves they didn’t like. Yeah, do you know what? It’s not life anymore or no, I still want him back. But if I don’t get it, then it’s fine. For her.

Chris:
Or her, usually in 90% of the people in the group right now are females. So very rare to get males in there. But there are a few males. No, your situation’s real interesting to me. Cause I think yours really, really embodies that sort of moving on without moving on type mentality that is so hard to get. And so the reason I’m asking you so many questions about it is I’m trying to, for you. I’m just asking your honest opinion. Do you feel like that’s something you could sort of fake? Or it’s something you really need to feel down to your core?

Laura:
You definitely need to feel it. I think you can fake it to start with. But then there comes a point where if you keep faking it and you’re not really feeling it, you’re just going to not come out the other end and just still feel rubbish for months and months when you don’t need to. If you just actually took that time just to focus on yourself and those things don’t lie. I know the group who share different ideas on what people can focus on. And I know not everyone’s got loads of money to be splashing on everything. So there are loads of things that people can do to focus in on themselves which stops you thinking about the other path and in the situation.

Chris:
That’s true. That’s true. Well, thank you so much for coming on Laura, your insights are always valuable to help everyone listening… understand the mindset you need to have in order to get an Ex back.

Laura:
That’s all right. Well, thanks for your helping me get my ex back.

Chris:
You’re welcome. You’re welcome.

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2 thoughts on “It Took Her 10 Months To Get Him Back, Here’s Exactly How She Did It”

  1. Avatar

    Anonymous

    June 19, 2020 at 8:40 am

    Chris, I have been in no contact for 21 days. I am trying to make it to 21. I might just go on to 30. My situation is I guess I first broke up with him because we been together for 10 years and I wanted to get married and he kept saying he wasn’t ready. I left and stayed gone for 19 days. I was trying to do the 21 day no contact and broke it 2 days early and went back and he was to angry or hurt to let me stay. He more or less just ran me off by the way he was acting. But I went back two days later and took some food over and we set and ate it together, but he would not let me touch him or stat. I left and went back 3 or 4 days later and this time he was mean and wanted me to leave, so I left. The last time I went there after a week he was better I took some food and spoke to him and left and have not been back since. I hope I know what to do after 21 or 30 days. Some times I think maybe he was really hurt and than sometimes I think he said things to make me angry because he knew I would leave and that would give him his way out of the relationship. Because he did not want to get married.

  2. Avatar

    Tai

    June 17, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    I’m in NC (he’s in another relationship), I’m close to finishing it but the honeymoon period doesn’t seem to end, on the contrary, it keeps growing. They seem like teenagers, mainly her, posting everyday in social media about their happy relationship. It’s been a month and a half. They are so focused on each other… He’s isolating himself till the point he cut ties with almost everyone except for her and her friends. He used to be an extrovert with lots of friends and now he is ignoring almost everyone and even gave up his hobbies, he only lives for her. It’s been two months and, instead of finishing the honeymoon period, it gets worse.
    The thing is that they couldn’t meet in person yet (they met online), maybe this is “romantizing” the relationship, but that: The honeymoon never ends and nothing I do (UG) seems to work. Probably he doesn’t even notice. Can the honeymoon last forever? Because it seems, it is more intense each day and when they meet face to face… I don’t want to imagine, the most romantic days (or weeks, who knows, they won’t want to be apart anymore even it it is a LDR)… I’m desperate. Is the situation (not getting to meet yet) making the honeymoon last so long? Is there anything I could do? They will meet in a few days, probably, since the restrictions are ending, so that will be even worse, the fantasy they live in is gonna be more epic than ever. I’m afraid he never leaves her.