I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn't Want Me- Change His Mind

278 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”

Lily

January 20, 2020 at 12:50 am

Was with my ex for 5 and a half years. Lived together for over 4 years. We was planning a whole future together -but last 2 years having fertility issues. Suddenly he became distant. This got worse and worse. I got more down about the fertility stuff. He went out with friends more and more. Then left me (out of the blue for me) we’d never broken up before and I didn’t think I’d cope….. we done no contact for a while. Then was back in touch again. Even went on a few dates as such. Then again he’s pulled away. I just don’t know what to do. I know we could be so happy but he doesn’t even want to try

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 21, 2020 at 10:35 pm

Hey Lily I am so sorry about your struggles with fertility, however it is common that it causes issues in relationships. So know you are not alone what might be happening is that he does not know how to handle the fact you are down and upset about the problems you are having, knowing there is nothing more he can do to help the situation. It causes pressure that can not really be resolved. Now as you did the no contact and managed to get into some dates, he possibly has pulled away as he felt things were getting serious again and he got scared, allow him a short no contact to relax and then reach out again with a friendly text

Shanna

January 19, 2020 at 7:20 am

Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 1 year and 3 months. He broke up with me because he hasnt got feelings for me anymore. Because i was jealos and needy. The night he broke up with me he said things can work out in the futere because he cant look in the futere. He also said that maybe i am the mother from his children in the futere. I did the no contact rule for a month. Now i have spoken him again and he said he loves his freedom and dont want a relationship right now. I really want him back but he told me not to have hope because things cant work out right now. What do i need to do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 1:53 pm

Hey Shanna, so you need to look up what it means to be Ungettable and follow this process showing that you are enjoying your social life and freedom too. Not sat around waiting for him, so keep to another No Contact for 21 days where you focus on becoming this Ungettable girl. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

Alice Gemma

January 15, 2020 at 11:33 am

Hi Chris,
My ex of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We were talking about marriage and moving in together. So it came out of the blue he said he can’t see a future with me. He unfriended me and blocked me everywhere. I did 30 days NC then sent a friend request but he ignored it. Should I give up? I can’t send him a message and there’s literally no way I can talk to him except running into him on purpose which would be creepy, awkward and obvious… I really think he doesn’t miss me at all… 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 10:47 pm

Hi Alice, so what I suggest you do is work on yourself a little longer and prolong your NC so that you are at a point you are happy with or with out him in your life along with posting your Ungettable posts to social media, because even if you are not on there and he didnt accept your request it is highly likely that he is checking your page and mutual friends will pass comment to him when you are doing great things too

Helen pfeiffer

January 13, 2020 at 3:21 pm

I dated this guy for 11 months at the end he said “I love you but I am not in love with you” he ended he said I was to emotional and he wanted to see another people. I am in love and I want him back we always had great sex and he said he has lust for me but is not healthy to be together what can I do I want him back we broke up a month ago and he always said he didn’t want nothing serious however I met his mom and his son

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 10:51 pm

Hey Helen, so by the sounds of things the “newness” of the relationship wore off and he realised that you were in a relationship that he does not think he wants. Read about what it means to be Ungettable, when you work these factors into your life and show how you are the best version of yourself through social media your ex will feel like they are missing out on this amazing person because they let you go.

Sarah

January 5, 2020 at 11:06 pm

Hi
So it’s been 3 months.
We were havinga bad month or so before we he broke up with me.
I took it bad , got depression off work . Everything was just too overwhelming- busy demanding job and other things.
I’ve tried to repeatedly ask him to meet up with me . Christmas and NY has been so hard.
He declines all my requests.
We were together a year , I moved in to his had to move out .

I think there’s no chance , I just wish I could do something ..

Any ideas?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 7, 2020 at 10:28 pm

Hi Sarah if you want a chance of getting him back then you need to start with a No Contact and stick to it! Read as many articles that apply to your situation here and make sure you stick to it.

Ashley

December 29, 2019 at 6:02 pm

Hi,
I dated a guy for a few months and I want him back. It’s was very intense to where he was already talking about marriage. He had a ex wife who was still involved and they have a child together. I stated that they needed boundaries and to just talk about the child. When he broke up with me he just said he’s going to hurt me because of how busy he is and about the ex wife. After he broke up with me I texted him non stop. Now I am trying the no contact thing. Can I get him back? Is it to late?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 29, 2019 at 11:31 pm

Hey Ashley youve taken the first step at getting him back, stick with your no contact and work on yourself for some time. Showing him how you are going to be understanding that he and his ex wife are going to have to have some sort of friendship as they are co parenting. Even if they dont speak about the child they are still able to be friends to show their child that you do not have to be together to be good parents. Its a difficult position for some people to deal with so consider if you can accept that he is often in touch with his ex wife.

Hannah

December 7, 2019 at 12:57 am

Hi,
I have been friends with this guy for two years recently we’ve both gotten very close. We kinda started dating for about 3 months but he wasn’t doing anything with his life and didn’t seem to be happy in the relationship I felt very stressed out wondering if there was another girl. I ended the relationship with him and he agreed that he needed sometime to figure things out. He asked if we could stay friends and maybe in the future we could get back together. We stayed in contact for a few weeks but I stopped talking to him because I still have strong feelings for him. I want to be in a relationship and get back together but he said he needs more time and he doesnt see us working out. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 10:06 pm

Hey Hannah, so you need to go into No Contact as you want something he isnt willing to give you, if you feel you can not be his friend do not force yourself while you feel this way. If you want to get your ex back then you can apply the program to your situation to give yourself your best chance but you need to be consistent and set boundaries for what you will accept from a friendship and from a relationship

Grace Yeager

December 5, 2019 at 8:42 pm

My ex and I were together for about a year on and off a couple times. Well he never told me he loves me even after I said it. I found a new guy and left my ex for him because he provided me with the emotional support I needed. When I broke up with my ex for this new guy, he texted me wanting me back and I shot him down telling him this guy loves me. Ex sent me a lavish package for my birthday the following week with a bottle of vodka, a new purse, and a high quality Bible(we are both religious) I thanked him for it and never contacted him again. Fast forward a year and a half and I’ve just broken up with the new bf because I cannot get ex out of my mind it’s like he haunts me 24/7. I asked his friend how he’s been doing and he said good and I added ex back on snapchat but he has ignored my request. I don’t know what to do anymore

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 10:29 pm

Hi Grace, so after you telling your ex he needed to put effort in and it took you to moving on to get him to do that, but then he has had almost a year and a half to get over you and it just means that you are now going to be in a position where you have to make the effort to show you are interested in him again but he is not going to be as open to showing you how you feel as you rejected him. If you want this guy back you are going to have to be patient and allow him to take his time as to when he is ready to speak to you

Pinky

November 19, 2019 at 2:56 pm

Hello,

Me & my ex were together for 4 years… we have bumped heads alot during the past year due to lack of communication. I really wants things to work but he doesn’t. Recently I found out he was reaching out to other girls while being on the road as a new truck driver. We have a 2 year old son together. I was so hurt I said alot of hurtful things to him that I didn’t mean and now he has flipped it on me. I just want my family to work but he doesn’t. I have tried to do the no contact but only lasted 2 days… when we talk he tells me he will never give us a chance again… Idk what to do. I am heart broken…how do I get him back? I feel so lost. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 19, 2019 at 10:34 pm

Hi Pinky so you need to work on becoming Ungettable girl and that is where you deal with the whole single mother life without his help. He at the moment relates you to negative feelings of arguments and you bringing up other women. So take sometime to help yourself get over the break up and the actions he took. Once you are done with your NC you can start talking to him about positive subjects and do not bring up the past or argue with him about anything to re build your connection

Sara

November 18, 2019 at 10:26 pm

My boyfriend and I have a generally healthy relationship. We do have some communication issues, but both of us have various kinds of trauma not dealt with… now, I have an AA in Psychology, so while that is essentially worthless as a degree, I have at least a basic understanding of people. He, although, believes therapy and healing and all the other shit to be quack science. Oddly enough, he has said so many times in the past that he likes that we talk and work things out. He said no one ever did that with him. Yet, he’s also unable to communicate effectively, and can be aloof quite often. Sometimes, I feel he could possibly be a narcissist. Nonetheless, I’ve been able to navigate things quite well. We both share many of the same interests in virtually everything in life. He’s far more of a perfectionist than I am, and I feel that’s been a hige source of tension. I’m a perfectionist, but my schedule is far more hectic so things can fall by the wayside often enough. I try to outweigh this by offering something else of value for the things he seemingly wants done that I can’t do due to time constraints. I have older children from a previous relationship. He has a younger child from a previous relationship. Merging this household hasn’t been easy. For both of us, it’s our 1st time attempting to merge a blended family, but he’s raised someone else’s children before having his own. With all the small, sometimes important, issues arising, him choosing not to communicate when frustrated has led to me say things in error, myself. I’m human. I don’t always get my point across. It’s typically only a sentence, and while not seemingly hurtful to me, our existing language barrier shows he either didn’t understand – or, in fact, found it to be hurtful to him. Long story short, we usually are able to resolve these issues at some point within the day or week. Well, I accidentally said 1 thing out of frustration the a few days ago. I acted poorly, as did he, for 2 days. Today, he kinda left me out in the cold on a favor he’d done but suddenly revoked. Clearly I was upset, and asked why would he hurt me intentionally when I’m not trying to hurt him? He said he didn’t think we’d be together anymore. He has said this once or twice, as have I, but we always found it was a communication issue that led to those disagreements. Subsequently, we have always been able to resolve whatever we dealt with before. This time is also miscommunication. He assumed I was placing blame, and I even clarified this was not the case to him later. I’m honestly lost right now. I’ve approached him gently, but I am confused as to how to get an open line of communication going because I’m not sure he meant what he said…. BUT THE EMOTION BEHIND IT DID FEEL DIFFERENT. NOW, if he did, he did… I can’t control him, but for obvious reasons, I’d like the opportunity to work on whatever the problem is so that it doesn’t reoccur. He’s mostly baffling to me… he’ll say he appreciates the talking, but doesn’t initiate talking. He can be cold, but I knew that going in. I knew he could kinda shut off his feelings, but he’s literally the most loving man I’ve ever met…. OMG, it’s been hard trying to navigate this world of his, but oh so rewarding. He’s not home for a few days so I wanna kinda form a one sided conversation for him to be able to take advantage of, as we have in the past. He’s come a long way in terms of communicating, but clearly we have lightyears to go still. I don’t want to break up if we can continue to live happily as we have.
Hazel

November 18, 2019 at 6:19 pm

This guy and I were great friends for one year before we entered a friend’s with benefit relationship. After a few months he told me he likes me and wants a relationship. We entered into a relationship and after one month he broke up saying he just doesn’t feel it. He said he isn’t crazy about me. In between he kept saying he likes me, then doesn’t like me enough, then again he liked me but the circumstances were bad. Now finally he says he is over me and he wants me to move on. And I told him I love him. Now he wants me to keep distance so that I can move on. But I want him back. We live in different countries now and I end up texting him every few days and he talks nicely like when we were just friends before. He doesn’t mind a physical relationship along with friendship. But says he isn’t in love with me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 10:58 pm

HI Hazel so he has openly told you he wants a friend with benefits situation again but not a relationship. SO you need to do a No Contact for some time and work on yourself during which time you need to appear to be casually dating. Not obvious jealousy but just subtle hints. You need to make it clear you are not going to be a FWB. If you want to be in a relationship with him again for now you can not be his friend you need to create a sense of loss for a little while

Jean

November 12, 2019 at 8:00 am

I’ve been with my boyfriend for only a few months and things were awesome.
He’s an extremely busy person but I accept it.
He broke up with me saying that he can’t go on hurting me and that I need someone who can actually have time for me. I was so heartbroken. And still am.
We have mutual friends who keep telling me to move on and that I’ll find someone better. But the thing is that I love him and he loves me and our friends tell me that he regrets but has told them that he won’t come back. I have already started the no contact rule. Is there anything else I can do to bring him back? I don’t want to lose him.
I see myself having a future with him but as of now, we aren’t together.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2019 at 7:47 pm

Hi Jean, you need to read some articles that apply to your situation and keep with your NC – stop talking to your friends about him too as this is breaking No Contact too

Antoinette

November 10, 2019 at 7:51 pm

I was in relationship for 2 years with my boyfriend we broke up over that he thought his daughter was being one sided in the relationship he never told me that this happen to him before in another relationship and it just built on him and he said he will never go through this again so he broke up with me I never knew it and now there no change his mind what can I do I thought this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life and everything is taking away from me he was my best friend

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 10, 2019 at 9:29 pm

Hi Antoinette, You are going to have to start with a NC and then re approach him as afriend after that. And the second time around you need to try to be inclusive of his child. IF you do not want to be around his child then maybe he is not the best person to be with

Nina

November 9, 2019 at 1:06 pm

My ex and I were together for 3 months and broke up about 3 weeks ago. Although 3 months doesn’t seem long, we had chemistry from our first date and immediately felt comfortable around one another. He’s in school and I’m in a gap year before going to grad school. He also lives about 40 mins from me and goes to a extremely rigorous school studying a difficult major. A few times in our relationship I got upset with him because he wouldn’t text me as often as I wished and I would only get to see him every two weeks at times. When I’d get frustrated he’d try harder but also say he feels so much pressure and doesn’t know how he can do anymore. That I’m the only one he texts and FaceTimes. His mother was also mad that he doesn’t contact her. He didn’t say this while we were together but apparently school had become incredibly frustrating and he was depressed over not doing as well as expected. This is a new school for him too so he feels he’s going through a lot of transitions. I broke up with him originally because of these same frustrations and immediately regretted it. He said me breaking up with him made him realize how he can’t give me what I deserve right now because he has to focus only on school as it isn’t going well. Also during our relationship he had health problems and was incredibly exhausted and his body was weak and back ached. Turned out he had Lyme. He said things like I think we are a good match but I’m going through a lot of transitions right now. He said he wanted to be friends right now until there was a chance for more. I did beg for a little because when I looked back at our relationship I noticed all he did when we were together and how much he cared for me. I had a barricade around my heart and if you look at my texts and actions it almost seems like I didn’t care for him that much. Just two weeks before we broke up he told me he loved me. I laughed it off because I have a insecurity that no one can love me. I thought he had to be kidding but he says he wasn’t, that it was genuine and honest. I’ve told him I feel the same and I can’t believe I was so dumb and didn’t show it. I apologized but he said it’s too late. Since this we have had 2 short conversations. I initiated both but he replied back with more than just one or two words. He actually seemed to type and then wasn’t going to reply but later on did. To me that’s a sign he doesn’t want to end communication but isn’t sure what to do? I don’t know what to do and I’m unsure if he messaging me back means he still cares. Is there a chance he really is trying to fix his school stuff and then we can try? Should I ask him this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 8:16 pm

Hi Nina, so no do not ask him these questions but you can do a 21 day No Contact, and do some work during that time to become Ungettable, and then reach out as a friend and reconnect that way gradually

Marie

October 22, 2019 at 6:23 pm

My ex and I have been broken up for a month now. We were together for almost 3 years…long distance. He broke up with me over skype! Hes deployed at the moment. Earlier this year he said he wanted to marry me and have kids move in together the whole nine yards and continued to say it for about 7 months. Then he breaks up with me after 2 months of his deployment. He said he just doesnt see a future with me. And of course I asked y would he tell me these things if that werent true and he said he guess that’s how he felt in the moment. He begins crying while hes breaking up with me btw. Unfortunately he battles depression and his moods are always up and down. I hate to admit he said some very similar things to me after his first deployment….were apart for 11 months! We skyped for more than an hour day. To me there seems to be a trend…anyhow I found a picture of a half naked girl in his phone back in May and I will admit since then things have been rocky. He claimed it was a girl he worked with and she began to get aggressive and he cut off contact with her. I had a hard time trusting him and we began bickering alot and all the other things that come along with trust issues. Other than this we did have a couple of big fights more than a year ago but other than that we always got along at least to me we did. I called him the next day to discuss the breakup. We had a calm conversation and he said he would be open to getting back together in the future but that I should move on and date other people, that he just needs some space. I go into no contact for 3 weeks , during this time he asked how I was and I said good and that’s it. Then last week I called him to see how he was i kept the conversation light then he says “baby you deserve better than me”. Then the conversation got a little ugly not terrible but not good. At the end if the convo he repeated that hes open to the future and that I could call him anytime etc. I didnt talk to him for a week and yesterday I sent a message to him wishing him well. That I’d heard a song from a concert we went to and it made me think of that time. That’s it no response…for a day now doesnt look like hes even opened the message. Last time we talked he said that it was going to be hard to stay away from me but he feels this is the best thing for us. Part of me feels it’s really over. My heart breaks everyday. I feel absolutely powerless right now.
Martin

October 20, 2019 at 7:22 pm

Hi all, my ex broke up with me after three years of a long-distance relationship. Before he broke up with me, I was four months away because of school, then we saw each other for a few days, and then I was again away for three months because of the work. We face-timed every day. Then I came back, and we went together on vacation. After we got back from the holiday, he wrote to me that he wants a break. It made me angry, and I said ok, that’s the end. But I expected that in two days we will be back together. Nevertheless, I found out on social media that he already has a new boyfriend already (he made sure that I will see it). In a week after the breakup, they have put on their social media that they are dating and that they are in love. He moved to the city where I live and started to live with that guy just in two weeks. I panicked and said that I think it is a colossal mistake to break up and that he should consider it. We had a beautiful relationship with occasional argues. He is cancer, and I’m Aquarius, so it was understandable. I wanted to get him back, so I tried to talk to him, but he said no, of course. Now I’m applying no contact rule, and he is chacking sometimes my Instagram stories. I want him back, but he seems to be so happy with this new guy that is entirely different in comparison to me. I got an STD from him, and so I thought we would be together for life. During the phase where I was in the intense after break-up depression and anger, I wrote to the new guy that he has STD. So my ex got angry with me and started to insult me. I acted calmy and said why are you so angry with me? He said I’m not. Anyway, I’m not in touch with him now but want to get him back so bad. He always told me that he loves me unconditionally and that he cannot be with anyone else ever. I was a bit colder in the relationship and instead of saying that I love him with passion I rather showed him, my love, differently (like bought him phone when he needed, etc.). Do you think there is some chance of getting him back? Not to mention that he owns me money and promised to give them back to me but he did not. What do you think? Is there something I should try? Do I have to wait till his rebound relationship will end? Thx loads

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 21, 2019 at 8:41 pm

After your No Contact is over you can reach out as a friend and do the being there method you need to read up on this concept and work on being the Ungettable girl so that you are the better option to your ex if thats what you want to do. However you will have to set some boundaries if he is the time to cheat and play games, dont allow yourself to be a friends with benefits or the “side” relationship

A

October 17, 2019 at 8:31 pm

Thanks for the reply! Yeah I get what you mean, I didn’t expect much messages to be exchanged first but if I’m honest the only thing that puts me off is that he has moved on abd there’s no feelings there anymore so I’m not too inclined to reach out when he was the one to end the conversation we had. I don’t want to make it obvious I have intentions of getting him back, I’d much prefer to see where things go and if it didn’t work out then I’d be okay with that aswell. When would you suggest reaching out? I’m also afraid that maybe he just wants to be friends

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 8:53 am

If you have completed Nc then reach out every 3-5 days and bring it closer slowly to 3/4 days 2/3 days etc

A

October 16, 2019 at 2:52 pm

Hi, I’m wondering if I could get advice on my situation at the moment! So it’s been around 8 months since the breakup with my ex (we were together on/off for 4 years) and just recently I reached out to send a birthday wish to which we talked back and forth for abit and then he was the one to end the conversation. (Didn’t see it coming as I would have preferred to have ended it myself) I felt maybe he just didn’t want to lead me on or continue the conversation.. in the last few months there was absolutely no contact and around a month ago I did receive a friend request off him on FB which I did accept after careful consideration.. do you think he just wants to keep me around? And try be on civil terms? He did really cause me alot of pain after the breakup which he will never know but I have been trying to move on with my life but I know I do have feelings for him at the same time. I’m not sure where to go from here as I guess it’s good that there has been some sort of contact established. I feel it wouldn’t be a smart thing to reopen another conversation again after he gave the impression he wanted to cut it short and not continue. Any advice on what to do in a situation like this? Do I continue to move on and see if in the future he would reach out again? I will add that after the breakup I didn’t do any of the crazy things that you tell about on the website here, I just moved on straight away and cut all contact. Would my ex possibly be trying to friendzone me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 16, 2019 at 3:23 pm

Hi A so the short conversations in the start are actually best (3/4 messages) and you build it up over time you are not going to be able to go from 0 – texting all day every day it doesnt work like that. You need to think if you want him back you may need to reach out a few times about his interests and leave the conversation when its at its best thats how you get him wanting to hear from you more and more

Emily

October 10, 2019 at 5:49 pm

My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me due to my reaction of something that I was upset about and continued to belittle and yell at him over for 4 days. He was upset and finally had enough of the nagging and fighting. I realize how terribly I acted which ended up making me lose him. After begging and sleeping with him (in hopes to get him back) it didn’t work. When I told him I missed him he told me he did too. He reached out once, to see if I wanted to spend time with his son, whose life I’ve been in the entire 4 years, and that is all. After no contact, I sent a very nice message letting him know I’ve changed and worked on myself and he asked me to come over. I was afraid it was just for sex but I was busy and wasn’t able to meet up so I rescheduled for later that night, he stood me up. I am at a loss of what to do!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 11, 2019 at 7:35 pm

Hey Emily, so what you’ve done is skipped the value chain you need to work your way up to the meet ups rather than dive right in. Start texting to re attract his attention to you

JW

September 28, 2019 at 11:15 am

Hey..

About a month ago, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me.. And it isn’t the first nor second time, this is the third time already. All three times was initiated by him.. and all different reasons.. The recent one was that we got into a arguement and asked for a break which we did for about a month and then he contacted me saying that he don’t think we can be together… he told me he got landed into a heavy debt and want to focus on clearing it.. I also clearly told him that I want to be there for him no matter what.. Our status were on and off but it was clear till that day when he disconnected us from this couple app and when I texted him asking if everything is okay, he told me that we are not together anymore… We rarely talk till earlier today I wanted to clarify on something which was that he changed his profile picture and status and it seems it was directed to me. He said it was nothing and there wasn’t any meaning behind it. And he kept on saying that both of us will not have a chance of getting back together because he doesn’t wants me to suffer with him.. He also kept on telling me to move on with life and find someone better. He later continued that he wants the best for me and I don’t deserve such a loser like him… What should I do now..? I just want to be there for him at times like this…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 29, 2019 at 9:21 pm

Hi JW you need to make the decision if you want to be his girlfriend or not. If not then you can be his friend and support him through this time. If you want him back you need to follow the program and that includes doing a full No Contact

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278 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”