Today we’re going to talk about how to get into your exes head.
Now, I’ve done a lot of these types of articles over the years but you know what I’m always annoyed by, how the advice is always different variations of the same thing.
- No contact…
- Walk away…
- Date someone new…
So, for this I thought I’d do something different this time and talk to people who’ve actually gotten into their exes heads and share their real life stories so you can see what’s actually working.
I went to my private facebook group and asked the following,
So, I’m looking to film a video tomorrow on “how to get into your exes head.” Obviously we talk about this a lot throughout the program but I’m actually eager to hear any outside the box ideas you gals and guys may have. Put some of your best in the comments and you may be featured in the video. (Don’t worry, I’ll blurt out names and faces to protect identities.)
People did not disappoint. In fact, we came up with 6 outside the box ideas to “get into an exes head.”
- Mementos Of The Past Relationship
- Having A Real Smile, Not A Forced One
- Changing Your Profile Picture
- The Sphere Of Influence
- Boot Them From Your Netflix Account
- Social Media
Let’s dive in!
Tip #1: Mementos Of The Past Relationship
This isn’t something you’d really have a lot of control over but I decided to include it because it’s from the mouth of an ex themselves.
“My ex told me that me leaving my stuff at her house reminded me of her everyday.”
The commentor goes on to clarify that they the mementos were already in place. They did not go over and place them at their exes house. That would obviously be illegal.
Nevertheless, even though you don’t have a lot of control it’s still worth mentioning that sometimes you are going to be in your exes head without really having to do anything at all.
Having A Real Smile, Not A Forced One
This harkens back to something I’ve talked about in one of my most recent articles, moving on from an ex might very well be one of the best ways to get them back.
This commentor makes that distinction saying,
All I had to do was simply move on and stop caring about them. I just focused on being happy for ME and that’s what made him notice. Maybe because my smile was real and not forced.
Now again, there’s actually some research that backs this up when you look at avoidants.
Specifically an avoidant doesn’t allow themselves to “miss you” until they feel like you’ve moved on from them. Once you do they can paint you as a kind of phantom ex.
The one that got away.
But it’s not something that can be forced. You authentically have to take steps to walk away and move on which is something 90% of our clients have a hard time doing.
I’ve talked in depth about the benefits of doing that here if you’re curious.
Changing Your Profile Picture
This commentor says,
“Jokes aside what got into my exes head was when I changed my profile picture from one of us to one of myself and I went private on Instagram. That was after I decided I didn’t want him back.”
Seems like such a basic concept, right?
So, the beautiful part of the facebook group is that it allows me to interact with individuals but it also gives me a window into what their social media game looks like.
A few years ago we had a client enter into the group begging for my help. I meant this person was posting like ten times a day and tagging me in each one.
Eventually when I got around to helping this individual the first thing that struck me was that they still had a profile picture of them and their ex up.
When I pointed out to them that it was probably time to remove it they refused.
“We are on a break. It wasn’t a breakup.”
I hate to break it to you but generally speaking a “break” is a cowards way of transitioning to a “break up.” It’s better to simply rip the band aid off and take control of the situation.
The client refused to listen to me and, well, let’s just say that things didn’t go very well for them.
The Sphere Of Influence
Perhaps the most consistently undervalued aspect of this entire process.
The sphere of influence is a collection of the people your ex surrounds themselves with. These are their closest friends, family and colleagues. The people who have an impact on their lives. Whose opinions can shape their decisions.
This particular commentor says,
Working the SOI has been huge for me, my ex reached out to me multiple times after hearing about all the cool stuff I was doing from his friends and family. Just the fact that his sphere of influence thinks so highly of me and still keeps in contact with me says a lot to him I think.
What I always love about the sphere of influence concept is that if you can get them on your side they almost become your greatest salesmen and since your ex values their opinions so highly they can start to think they made a mistake.
Of course, the one important distinction I want to make here is that this commentor definitely went about approaching their exes SOI correctly. Sometimes when people learn about this concept they go a little crazy trying to convince the SOI how great they are.
It’s way better to do something newsworthy and have the sphere of influence authentically tell your ex about it which is what this person did.
Boot Them From Your Netflix
I thought this was a pretty clever idea. When I was growing up Netflix didn’t exist. There was only blockbuster or Hollywood video where you’d have to rent movies or video games.
Now-a-days everything is digital and that even carries over into our relationships.
It’s not just sharing jackets or cars anymore. We’ve gone digital and that sometimes includes sharing your Netflix account.
This person suggested that by using your exes Netflix account (if they shared it with you) might be a good way to get into their head.
It probably is BUT the legal implications of that are a bit too fuzzy for me to recommend it.
But it got me thinking. What we’ve actually seen more of is exes mooching off our clients accounts. So, just like removing a profile picture of you together I think it’s smart to remove them from your facebook account.
Change your password.
Make the breakup more real for them.
And we end on social media which is perhaps the most cliché tip but it’s without a doubt the most powerful one. I’d actually like to start here by talking about the no contact rule.
Specifically how most peoples aversion to it is that they are terrified that being out of contact with their ex for an extended period of time will cause their ex to suddenly forget about them.
The thing I always point out is that you aren’t really going to be going away. Research has consistently shown that close to 90% of exes will be “facebook creeping” after a breakup.
So, if you keep this in mind social media is literally an indirect way of keeping in touch with ex during the no contact period and if you play your cards right like the commentor above suggests,
If you show you are ungettable. Show your ex what they are missing out on.
All of a sudden they start looking at you in a new way.