By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 10th, 2021

A lot of people don’t know this but there are different levels of breakups.

Some hurt really bad for a while and then eventually we get over them

Some hurt less than we are expecting (though I will admit that this is rare)

And then you have the “soul crushing breakups.”

These are the kind of breakups that shake us up for years. For many, it can feel like their hearts are exploding when in reality they are just beating fine.

So, how do you deal with these “soul crushing breakups?”

Do you simply accept the situation for what it is and work on moving on?


Do you refuse to accept the situation and try to get your ex back?

This was the question I posed to Samantha Burns, the millennial love expert.

Now, I have had the pleasure of interviewing a lot of different guests but I was absolutely blown away with what Samantha had to say. In fact, throughout the interview I referred to her as my new favorite expert.

This is something you don’t want to miss, trust me.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Here’s How To Survive A Soul Crushing Breakup

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • Samantha’s fascinating tradition with her wedding dress
  • Samantha’s new book
  • Core values and their importance in a relationship
  • The “Perfect Match Theory”
  • Grass Is Greener Syndrome
  • The cold trukey cutoff
  • Infidelity in relationships
  • And Much More

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

What to Read Next

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24 thoughts on “How To Survive A Soul Crushing Breakup (With Samantha Burns)”

  1. Hey thanks

    January 8, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    I guess at 32 I never pictured being with someone so young. Thanks Amor I really needed the support tonight.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 11:30 pm

      You’re welcome!

  2. I feel like a perv

    January 8, 2017 at 7:36 am

    Alright I’m almost 33 and my exgf just turned 21. We dated for 5 months and lived together the first month and she had always said that she was in love with me, and I with her. We are both tortured soul poets if you will and really connected with feelings and experiences. However, our philosophies are complete opposite. Despite this she said she wanted to finish school before getting married. Things were going great until December.
    The distance was 45min and we work opposite schedules. She always made a point to see me every day and I would meet her after work to take her out. Her parents didn’t know about me so I couldn’t go there.
    She broke up with me because something I said hit a dark spot in her and I caused her to have a panic attack. I was crushed and asked if she ever considered it in the past but she said she hadnt, but needs time to focus on herself. She wanted to talk but the next day I said we should go our separate ways.
    I soon regretted this and wrote two or three mean poems I know she saw. I than got desperate and called her tons of times, got a number blocked, than changed it and got blocked again. She answered and said this is the last time we speak and sounded annoyed. I haven’t called back. It’s only been about four or five days and I am making huge progress in self growth and planning the next phase.
    Just be honest with me. With everything I just said and the 12 year age gap do I stand a chance?
    Thanks, hope to hear from you with an answer (meaning I don’t want Chris) haha

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 9:43 pm


      why do you feel like that? is it just because of the age gap? anyways, I think you do..just dont chase again. try to finish 30 days and keep improving even while rebuilding rapport with her

  3. C

    January 5, 2017 at 2:11 am

    I was friends with my boyfriend for a year but I always really liked him. We went to the same place undergrad and went on a service trip together last spring. From the start my friends and I and everyone who knew him thought he was one of the most kind, respectful, trustworthy, and caring guys. We started talking more this summer when I would come back to visit and things started to get serious. He officially asked me out in September and we decided to try long distance. We would see each other 1-3 times a month and communicate everyday. He was always super kind to me. He’d tell me how much he cared about me and how lucky he thought he was. He said that I was so special to him and he would do anything for me. He is in the navy and was supposed to move farther away for school in January. I was supposed to go to his friends wedding with him New Year’s Eve. In December he started being even more flirty, sending pictures, and making plans for the night in the hotel room NYE. After the wedding I was going to spend more time with him and go back to his family’s home. I thought we were forming an even deeper relationship. I would tell him how much I like him and he would respond saying the same thing and how happy he was he asked me out. I was going to tell him I love him NYE. A couple of days before he started acting strange. He called and said I wasn’t his priority anymore, he didn’t care about me, and he didn’t even like me when he came to my house in November. He said it was all a lie and he just liked the emotional high from making out. He said he didn’t even think it would work when he asked me out in September. Meanwhile he’d still been calling me babe and saying he couldn’t wait to see me and really liked me. I’m a pretty private person and I opened up and let him into my life. Now I’m the one who was left heartbroken and hurt and blindsided by the break up. How do I get him to want me back or what do I do? I feel so hurt and he is acting nothing like the person I thought he was. It hurts even more knowing that he may not even miss me or the relationship if it’s true that he really hasn’t liked me for over a month.

    1. C

      January 10, 2017 at 5:16 pm

      Thank you! I have read that article. I also wrote a letter to him saying all the good things I thought we had together. Is this ok to send after the 30 days?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2017 at 11:18 am

      nope.. that’s like chasing..

    3. C

      January 9, 2017 at 3:26 pm

      But how do I do that if it’s long distance, he said I did nothing wrong and he hasn’t liked me for the past month and a half.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      by being active in social media.. you need to read and review the blog post i’ll link because that will help more than I can do.
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

    5. C

      January 8, 2017 at 10:52 pm

      Yes I am working to improve myself everyday. I want to follow your advice I just don’t know what to do. I feel like he doesn’t even miss me or care about me.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 11:26 pm

      that’s why you have to iprove yourself.. to attract him back and to increase the chances of him missing you..

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      Hi C,

      Do you want to try the advice above? How active are you in improving yourself?