How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back Permanently- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

Anon

May 22, 2015 at 8:56 am

Hey Chris,

Thank for the resourceful site, I’ve read most of the articles and I think they are very helpful.

Here is my story. My ex and I broke up after dating for 18th months, because he thought we don’t get along and we weren’t happy anymore. I followed your advice, did 44 days NC and we started talking again. after 5 months of being friends, we got back together.

After which we dated for 2 months and now we broke up again. We got along better and he was very compromising this time. The reasons why we broke up again were: 1. his parents are against us dating from the start. and this time, they still don’t approve. 2. He doesn’t think he want to settle down anytime soon and it was one of the criteria I had for getting back together. He said he loved me but he doesn’t wanna waste my time. He doesn’t know when his parents will change their minds and he’s not financially ready to start a family yet. We are both 28 this year.

I’m currently on NC day 12 and planning to do at least 30 days. I’m doing it mainly for myself to be emotionally stable and ability to think rationally again. I’m not sure if I wanna get him back, what do you think? Should I try to get him back? and what are my chances?

Anon

June 5, 2015 at 7:14 am

Thanks for the reply.

Unfortunately, I broke NC after day 15 🙁 I’m very disappointed with myself too.

Can I just check with you regarding the ‘prolonged NC’? is it 45 days, starting from the day I broke NC, that means day 16 + 45 days? or the day I first started NC, so day 1 + 45 days?
Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 9:59 pm

Why don’t you wait until the end of NC and then ask that question again to yourself and see how you feel?

If you still want him back then go for it.

If you don’t or feel the same way then work on moving on.

Joy

May 17, 2015 at 6:25 am

Hi Chris,
I’ve been a fan of your page for more than a year now. I started using all your tips on my first break up with my boyfriend. we’ve been together for a year and 5 months. we were supposed to celebrate another month on the 19th. Now, we got off AGAIN. He’s in another town right now and we haven’t seen each other for the past 2 weeks. Hence, we will not see each other again for the next 2 weeks because of studies.
He suddenly texted me that he wants to be by himself. that he wants to be alone. and He is not happy with our relationship anymore. He even told me that he just felt forced to get back with me last time and he is not happy anymore with our relationship. I asked him if he still loves me, he said he didn’t. Now, he’s not even responding to my messages and I asked him if he has another one, he said “not yet”. The his last text was like ” Good luck and Keep safe, thank you for everything. ‘Til another love time.” I can’t believe he told me all those things. After all we’ve been through…

Mr. Chris, I love him, I want to get him back. Please help me. Please.
Jessica

May 16, 2015 at 2:46 pm

Hi! Ive been looking at your website for months because my boyfriend and i will be good for a month or so and then have an arguement over something stupid and will fight for a week or 2 and not see eachother and the cycle has gone on for almost 4 years. Hes stubborn and prideful, we got into a little argument before he left my house to go shower 2 weeks ago (saturday) and i sent him a text bitching and he ignored it but came back to my house and when he came back i basically ignored him the whole night, we went to bed and in the morning (sunday) he got up and left. Which i explained to him im tired of him running away everytime theres tension. We argued thru text until thursday morning i finally told him to just stop texting me and he said something like yeh go be with another dude n stop texting me. I said yup stop texting me, and he replied again saying you stop fu**ing texting me but i blocked him so a message popped up saying error sms failure to subscriber so a half hour later he sent the same exact text again, probably to see if he was really blocked and i didnt respond. Then sunday he texted me happy mothers day!!! Which i figured he probably only did to see if i really blocked his number.. so i never responded… now its saturday and he hasnt tried again. Hes the most stubborn and prideful person ive ever met. This is also my first time ever ignoring him and its the longest we have ever gone without speaking. What do i do? Do you think theres still a chance he will reach out to me?

Jessica

May 19, 2015 at 8:10 pm

I should have been more clear about your question. Sometimes a break up does occur, 3 years ago we broke up for about 4 months but since then, the longest we have broken up would be 2-3 weeks but we usually are still going back n forth arguing and texting the whole time until it blows over
Jessica

May 19, 2015 at 8:04 pm

Not usually a break up, we are usually still in contact. But this time since i started ignoring him we havent been. I have a 5 year old daughter thats very close with him and on sunday night he sent a text to her tablet saying i love u jayla good night. So after i let them talk on her tablet i got so mad i ended up texting him flipping out and ofcourse he never responded because hes pissed i ignored him for over a week but he continued to text with my daughter on her tablet. I know i shouldve never got emotional and texted him. What should i do now? Like i said he is definitely soooo angry that i ignored him because ive never done that before. Do you think he will try to contact me again? And if he does, what do i do just ignore him?
Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 6:17 pm

When you guys fight do you go through that off again on again thing?

Like does an actual breakup occur?

Sarah

May 15, 2015 at 3:56 am

Hi Chris,
I’ve been really confused about my ex lately and need some advice. We’re both seniors in highschool and began talking to one another last summer. I’m Catholic and he’s Jewish and after a few months he said that we could not ever date because of this fact. After a few weeks of trying to be friends we decided to work around that and began seeing one another. This lasted only a few weeks before he broke it off because he said he didn’t feel a connection. Later on he began to see someone else, who he broke up with because his family didn’t like the way he behaved with her. We had stayed civil with one another during this period, but didn’t reall speak as friends to each other. Over a month ago we ran into eachother at school and talked for over an hour. This led to us beginning to reconnect and talk to eachother again. Then he suddenly stopped talking to me on a daily basis a little over a week ago. Several friends of mine told me that my ex, who is also their friend, was talking to them about how upset he was because he couldn’t date people how weren’t Jewish. But last night I ran into him at a parking lot and again we spent more than an hour talking to eachother. I’ve been trying to not see him because I don’t know how to carry any of this on and last night made me even more confused. I feel like I’m going insane trying to figure out what’s going on and could really use some advice on if I need to just try and forget this whole thing or if their is maybe something there. I haven’t confronted him about this because the last time I did we decided to work this out with dating, which didn’t work in the long run. I’m confused on everything and was just hoping you could help me.
Thanks

Sarah

May 25, 2015 at 2:35 am

Yes I did.
Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:32 pm

Did you end the conversation in person?

Christina

May 15, 2015 at 2:03 am

Chris I really need help. Ive lost all hope of getting my ex back and I’ve really decided that I want to get back together with him because the reason for our break up wasn’t a good enough reason to end it. We are each other’s first loves and have lasted for 3 years in an on/off relationship. We took each others virginity and havent been in any other long lasting relationships before. This is our 3rd break up and we broke up 2 months ago after being in the “on” mode for 4 months and before those 4 months we spent 2 months in the “off mode” all 3 breakups he broke up with me and all 3 times without it being a mutual agreement and he didnt give a clear reason for any of the break ups. His excuse for the break up this time was that we needed to explore new relationships and new people because we have our whole lives to settle down. A day before he broke up with me he seemed more in love with me than usual jumping to my every request and showering me in “I love yous” and “I cant wait to marry yous”. Why would he send me those mixed signals? I started the no contact rule the day he broke up with me and it didnt seem to take any effect at all. Not once did he text or call me. We still talk only once in a while (once or twice a month maybe) He tried seeing other girls during these 2 months in the “off” mode but none of them seemed to meet the high standards that I set before them. The bad news is that he found out that Im trying to make him jealous by dating his ex best friend and is now accusing me for stealing his friend away from him even though I had nothing to do with why they stopped being friends. His ex best friend is practically in love with me and Im trying to give him a chance (I already went on a date with him) but I dont have as much interest in him compared to my feelings for my ex. My ex now thinks Im immature for trying to get him jealous and is mad at me because he thinks Im the one who ended their friendship. He said hes not jealous at all and was even encouraging me to go with his old friend saying that Id make a cute couple with him. (While hes saying these things to me his sister texts me saying that he seemed angry when he found out that me and his ex friend had a “thing”) Is he sending mixed signals? What do I do? Do I even have a chance with my ex still? Should I go back to no contact again? Any advice would be helpful. I love your site and all your articles. Thank you so much.

Christina

June 2, 2015 at 11:23 pm

Chris you were right about my chances with him! He asked for me back a few days ago after I followed all your tips. Now to study your article on how to keep him. Thanks for everything!
Chris Seiter

June 3, 2015 at 5:05 pm

You are super welcome!
Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:31 pm

I think you definitely have a shot still.

Blue

May 13, 2015 at 3:07 am

Do guys ever respond out of politeness?

My ex (previously an LDR Ex, I’ve recently moved to his same city/town a week ago) and I have been on/off for 1/5 yr now. I’ve been initiating light-hearted texts since 2/21 (35 days after he texted me that “we’re not meant to be”). Ever since then its been a series of me waiting 28-30 days, sending picture-only texts, and him responding in 21-28 days with brief texts.

Last night I sent him a link to an article/video link about deep-sea diving (he works in marine transport and knows that I wanted to be a marine biologist growing up) and 7 minutes afterwards (the FASTEST response I’ve eve gotten from him) he sent me a response: “Oh man oh man”. (“Oh man” was something I used to unknowingly say until he started making fun of me for it.)

Now that I am living in his city I feel a lot of pressure to not reach out beyond anything light-hearted without being confident that he still has feelings for me (in case I may run into him/common friends).

Do you think his one-sided response was significant or just done out of politeness? I am now teetering on staging a drive-by (which I have refrained from out of wanting to outgrow such behavior).

I’ve posted on here many times before but here is a recap of our recent texting history.

12/31/14
ME: Send him a pic of me in a mardis gras mask
1/9/15 9:17AM
HIM: Sent me a link to a NYC subway prank where riders went pant less
1/9/15 3:53PM
ME: “LOL, I hope you’ve picked out your favorite underpants!”
1/10/15 5:05PM
ME: “I don’t know how well going sans pants would be in NEW TOWN NAME!! Working and getting ready for the festival season. Living with family here.”
1/11/15 8:00AM
HIM:
1/11/15 11:24AM
ME: “Hilarious wake up call, funny guy”
1/14/15 3:02PM
ME: “Picture text of a graphic t-shirt by his favorite brand”
1/15/15 4:00PM
HIM: “Looks like a good one”
ME: “Not very soft tho”
1/15/15 6:00PM
ME: “Why are you ignoring me?”
1/17/15 3:28PM
HIM: “Its over.”
1/17/15 4:30PM
ME: “Ok. Do you mind me asking why?”
1/17/15 7:59PM
HIM: “It’s not meant to be”
**I begin NC**
2/21/15
ME:
3/13/15
Him: “Oh yeah”
3/23/15
ME: “Oh man! Someone just sent me this video and it reminds me of your fancy footwork at BAR NAME! Time for a dance off?? Lol. Hope all is well :)”
4/20/15 8:04PM
HIM:
4/20/15 9:00PM
ME: “Lol
5/11/15 9:25PM
ME:
5/11/15 9:32PM
HIM: “Oh man oh man”
5/11/15 9:42PM
ME: “I know. 5%!” (5% refers to the article/video’s context)

Blue

May 14, 2015 at 8:17 pm

Everything? After being on/off for 1.5 yr, at this point I think I have. I was hopeful since these light hearted texts seemed to be getting some response from him, although usually not until a month after. But this last one generated a response after 7 minutes which I thought was an awesome sign. So last night at 11:22PM I sent him a picture of a toddle boy mid-flight about to jump into a muddy puddle, we used to exchange kid pictures/baby memes all the time. He still hasn’t responded.

At this point I don’t really see any other action than just packing up and letting him be?
Blue

May 13, 2015 at 3:21 pm

Thanks Chris. Because his responses are low in word count/engagement that means he is responding out of politeness. Do you think I should move on?
Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:40 pm

It most likely does.

As for moving on… I am not 100% sure yet. Have you tried everything?
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:51 pm

Sure they respond out of politeness.

Seems like you had a decent conversation with him.

BUT his text responses are a little on the low side when it comes to word count.

M.

May 12, 2015 at 6:07 pm

And what happens if you’ve gotten your ex back in the past,then left you again, continue talking but he gets a new gf that he’s with a year now and keeps yoou in fb but completely ignores you???I mean I don’t think I stand a chance and I’m so tempted to delete him cause I’m fed up with all these photos he posts..What do you think I should do? I have no one else to help me..

M.

May 14, 2015 at 5:37 pm

what do you think??
M.

May 13, 2015 at 6:29 pm

I know..still I can’t understand…Should I delete him? I don’t see there’s anything else I can do…
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:41 pm

I mean at that point his girlfriend isn’t a rebound.

Iris Rees

May 7, 2015 at 4:55 pm

My bf and I are in a long distance relationship every time he gets insecure I try my best to smooth things over yet he keeps on breaking up with me then few days later I called we talked we start the cycle. Last time this happened he actually tried to make me feel guilty about something he did and sure enough refused to answer his phone citing he needed time. I assumed we are off again. I don’t feel like calling this time. I’ll give him until Mother’s Day as I assume being a special day it will promoting to make his move
Jen

May 7, 2015 at 4:44 am

Hi Chris,
I’ve been reading your articles for awhile since I have been struggling with a long distance on again off again relationship.
I have been seeing this guy off and on for almost 2 years, because he is so scared to be in a long distance relationship, he was in one for a couple years that ended badly, we never even got to be in a real relationship. He has told me from the beginning he wants to move to my city in about 3 years. So I have tried to move on, done no contact with him a number of times, the last time was 5 months NC. He always is the one to seek me out and try to reconnect. This last time we hadn’t seen eachother for 9 months I agreed to a drink, he basically made it into a date with dinner and drinks as well. We had a great time and that old spark was there and we slept with eachother even though it wasn’t in the game plan. Well, now I think he kinda freaked out again because he went back to pushing me away. I went back into no contact, but I’m wondering if a longer no contact means I should also unfriend him on Facebook. He requested me when we started contact again.
Thanks for the help.
Jacqui

May 6, 2015 at 11:52 pm

Hey Chris, great post! One of your best, in my opinion. One thing I’m still not understanding is the correlation between initiating texts and maintaining an ungettable girl persona. After a longer no contact period, I assume my ex will be pretty pissed off at me. Do I wait indefinitely for him to contact, or do I reach out through text like you suggest in other articles? If I’m working on becoming an ungettable girl and I want to prove I’m serious that this is an all or nothing effort, wouldn’t I allow him to do the majority of the work in getting me back? I’m nervous that if I reach out to him first he will become complacent and stop trying, as he knows he can have me back whenever. Does an ungettable girl ever initiate contact with a man, especially an on/off man?
jenny

May 6, 2015 at 9:25 pm

Hi Chris!
Thank you for being a relationship genius! I think your site saved me in a lot of ways.
I broke up with my bf 3 weeks ago (day 10 of nc) and I have nightmares and panic attacks.
We’ve been on an on again off again relationship for 4 years:the first year was great, then we had 2 years of fights and last year we dint fight at all, but we also didn’t see each other too often because he was distant. All of our break-ups up till now have been out of anger.After fights and after not talking for weeks or even months one of us would eventually call the other and we’d end up having sex , getting back together , but he never gave a chance to talk about our problems. I improved the way i treat him, but he didn’t.
This time he just called me out for a walk and told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore.When i asked him why he wants to end it he said we haven’t been together the last year anyway. He thought I knew this was bound to happen. He never liked talking about his feelings.When i asked for a more specific reason he told me this wasn’t easy for him either.
All my friends suspect he ended up falling in love with somebody else or that he just stopped loving me. Do you think that is true? Did he stay with me last year out of confort? Is he to tired to try anymore?Or is it something else? What do you think?
Elle

May 3, 2015 at 4:54 pm

Hey Chris.

currently been in an on/off relationship for two years. we got the back together for a matter of two weeks, he was serious he wanted it to work he’d learnt frim his mistakes. Finally we were happy. And then he dropped me off to go out with the boys he kept in contact telling me he loved me. Shortly after he arrived home early, puking and crying. He admitted at 7am he had cheated on me when a girl came on to him. When he realised what he did he left. At first he was in panic that he’d ruined everything and he was full of how much i deserved better. Then after deciding to save our relationship he called it off completely. We tried to stay friends but it became hard and we descended into arguing a lot mainly because that should have been my choice not his to make. Now he has me blocked on everything possible saying we need space and he’ll speak in time. Its been almost three weeks and there has been no contact what so ever between myself or him, he has me blocked. Even though hes done what hes done he is my best friend. I miss that. I miss him terribly. I dont know how to rectify the situation, he did this a few weeks ago where he blocked me for two weeks, and then unblocked me again. What do i do? I want my best friend back. I want to be happy and get out of the on/off cycle. Help.
Elle

May 3, 2015 at 4:51 pm

ELLE
May 3, 2015
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Hey Chris.

I have been in an on off relationship for the past two years. To begin with we had 11 months where we didnt break up at all. We argued granted, but then we broke up for a few hours and he rang me crying begging for me back. Then. We split in april. Up until july. Within that time we were still sleeping together. Then we split again in october. Up until february this year. We got back together for a matter of two weeks, he was serious he wanted it to work he’d learnt frim his mistakes. Finally we were happy. And then he dropped me off to go out with the boys he kept in contact telling me he loved me. Shortly after he arrived home early, puking and crying. He admitted at 7am he had cheated on me when a girl came on to him. When he realised what he did he left. At first he was in panic that he’d ruined everything and he was full of how much i deserved better. Then after deciding to save our relationship he called it off completely. We tried to stay friends but it became hard and we descended into arguing a lot mainly because that should have been my choice not his to make. Now he has me blocked on everything possible saying we need space and he’ll speak in time. Its been almost three weeks and there has been no contact what so ever between myself or him, he has me blocked. Even though hes done what hes done he is my best friend. I miss that. I miss him terribly. I dont know how to rectify the situation, he did this a few weeks ago where he blocked me for two weeks, and then unblocked me again. What do i do? I want my best friend back. I want to be happy and get out of the on/off cycle. Help.
Elle

May 3, 2015 at 4:34 pm

Hey Chris.

I have been in an on off relationship for the past two years. To begin with we had 11 months where we didnt break up at all. We argued granted, but then we broke up for a few hours and he rang me crying begging for me back. Then. We split in april. Up until july. Within that time we were still sleeping together. Then we split again in october. Up until february this year. We git
Trina

May 3, 2015 at 3:46 pm

Hi Chris. So I did almost 21 days Nc then I texted my ex. Ugh.. I had said

” Sorry about work cell, couldn’t not tell you this &idk if normal phone is back on. I saw a Spock meme today. Reminded me of you & the time we sat in your car over an hour laughing & playing with plush Spock. It actually made me smile. :)”

He said “who is this”

“I believe you have the wrong number”

So I said “Lol. it’s right. Just thought of you & wanted to share a good memory. 🙂 ”

Then I said “Ps I’ve been binge/restriction free at least 6 wks now. Stepping down soon. I did it! ”

Please help me. Did I ruin all chances?? Why did he respond that way. One time when we were together he was angry and had said “who is this?” to me and I blew up his phone. The phone I texted yesterday was his work cell as his personal cell is still off. I know it was him. And based on my text he had to have known it was me. Why did he respond that way? Is he completely over me or was he trying to hurt me bc he still has strong feelings???

why still that mad??? Idk I’m worried he will respond and say who is this? Again. Also could he possibly be testing me to see if I would blow up. Which is immature but I wouldn’t put it past him. Unless he really didn’t know who it was? But he has to. It’s connected to his work email so it’s definitely him. Do you think he thought that I could think it wasn’t him??? Or does that seem unlikely? Like what if he knew it was me, which he did, and thought he could convince me otherwise? Or does that seem unlikely (given i’m not an idiot…)

Do you think he really thought he could convince me I had the wrong number… or do you think he did it to use as bait and hurt me/ anger me??

*posting on this one bc this was our second break up*

Please respond please please please I dont know what to think of this
Cara

May 3, 2015 at 6:52 am

Hi Chris,

I have been using your site since my first breakup with my on again off again boyfriend a year ago. It has always worked! However, I have never gotten my boyfriend to stay. We have probably broken up and gotten back together within a month at least 7 times in the last year. Whenever he breaks up with me I don’t talk to him at all, 0 contact, and he has always, at some point come crying back to me. Part of this is because we’re at school togerher and part of the same circles. Even when we want to get away we just can’t. The breakups started because I caught him being a little sketchy behind my back, nothing crazy, but sketchy nonetheless. He’s not the type to be like this at all, but I got very insecure and scared. I nagged a lot. I also have a tendency to start a lot of fights, which of course cause him to withdraw. He also had a hard childhood with and alcoholic parent which causes him to not react very well to conflict. Everytime we fight more than once in a short period of time, he completely shuts down for a period of time. He almost can’t even control it. He then gains all his emotions back (hes a very sensitive guy at his core) and will come crying to me about how awful he feels and what a big mistake he made. This cycle went on for literally the last year. He has a job in a different city this summer from me, not far (within 2 hours), but still not where im working. We had been fighting some recently because of my built up insecurities from all of the breakups, which has caused him to completely shut down again. He told me he thought it was best that we take the summer to ourselves and get the space we have desperately needed for the last year and have been unable to get. He told me he felt as though we both needed to rediscover ourselves again without the resentment and anger towards each other from the relationship and that he didn’t know if we would ever get back together. He made a point to say he didn’t want it to be a big “I hate you” “f you it’s over” thing, and that he just knew it would be best for us individually. He also mentioned (without me prompting) that he felt like it would be better for our relationship in the long run if we ever were to get back together to take this summer to get back to our true selves and be more independent as opposed to victims of the relationship and built up resentment. I don’t disagree with him at all and it’s not that I hate him for breaking up with me (again…haha) but I also am just so fed up with it. He can’t seem to accept the fact that everytime he does this it has an effect on me emotionally and it’s almost like he just thinks the space will make me better as opposed to sad like it makes me. I know not seeing him for 3 months will change that somewhat and I will get comfortable with being alone and could even potentially get over it in that time, especially given how many times he has done this. I guess my question is what do you think his intentions are here? He said he wanted to enjoy his last summer of college without drama and sadness. With his friends. He is working in banking this summer which will also be very time and energy consuming and he doesn’t feel our relationship can be continue to be mended in that state and he wants to be successful. Do you think he has intentions of coming back? Everytime he breaks up with me he just says “maybe at some point the cards will fall right again and we’ll be together, but I can’t make any promises” I just wish I knew exactly what he was thinking so I could have a peace of mind. I love him and he is my best friend in the world. We have talked about our futures together many times and I just can’t imagine him throwing that all away, but im also scared a summer away will make him move on or find someone new. 🙁 help!
Jenny

May 2, 2015 at 11:10 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m so thankful I found your site, it has given me hope and I feel less depressed and more in control.

My BF and I were together about 10 months the first time I broke up with him over his unwillingness to move into an apartment where he’d pay half of the rent, as he viewed the amount too high. We were already living together for 6 months at that time. We were only broken up for a week when I texted him which initiated an immediate reconnect. A few months later, I ended it again because he lied to me about doing coke which he does recreationally and at that time infrequently. I had no problem then as long as he was honest. We were broken up for 2 weeks when I, after receiving “i miss u” and “how r u” texts from him, decided to reconnect again. The third time I broke up with him was for the same reason (lying about taking a pain killer). This break-up lasted 3 weeks and I once again initiated the reconnection. We’ve had trust issues, but other than that we love each other so much and after 2.5 years we’re both so affectionate and passionate with each other. We’re constantly kissing and telling one another how we love each other so much. We spent every moment together while not working. He is 25 and I am 36. I am the first person he ever said “i love u” to and his longest relationship. Although he is much younger than I, he is very mature. He’d like to get married but I’m apprehensive since he likes recreational drug use and I don’t. 9 days ago he kept me up since he was up all night doing coke and I said I was done. I never gave him an ultimatum as I always said as long as he’s honest I’m not going to leave him. He lied about it on top of keeping me awake and anxious. I cannot live with him anymore because I don’t want to be around him doing pills or coke anymore. I do want to get back together though. I will only get back if he agrees to stop the more frequent (weekly sometimes biweekly) use. I didn’t contact the first 3 days and the on the 3rd night he texted me apologizing but agreeing that I deserve better and not in any way trying to get me back and make changes. On day 5, this past Tues, I wrote his mom and email saying goodbye and telling her I had had enough of his drug use (she’s aware of it). She never wrote me back. I implemented the NCR the next day so I’m only on day 4 but I feel strong and I’m determined to not initiate reconnect. He has never had to fight for us as I always have. I need him to fight not just with contact, but with the promise to stop using. He’s not physically addicted and has gone months without coke and weeks without pills so I feel it’s possible for him if he really wants to stop. He said only a month ago that he wanted to get on Welbutrin for his depression. I know a lot of people think I need to move on but I don’t want to. I want to live separately and be together until he has gone at least 6 months without using. Any suggestions besides NCR? Do you think it can work in my case?
Leanne

May 1, 2015 at 10:13 pm

Okay,
so here’s my “story”
I’ve know the guy for a couple years now. Our families are close. Our parents have known each other forever. Anyways, we started talking a couple years ago. On and off, not necessarily the best of friends. More like acquaintances. Around Sept. of last year, we got into some argument and stopped talking. We ended up hanging out on Halloween because of mutual acquaintances. We started talking from them. Got close, around New Years ish we became “official”. He was always posting stuff on fb. constantly calling and txtn me. In Feb. he decides we need a break cuz things are going too fast. Turns out he started talking to a chick at work. I did not know this. We got back together a couple weeks later. She came up, cuz he was always flirting w/ her on fb. He gets jealous over my guy friends, we break it off again. We still talk, he wants to stay friends, because he “truly cares” about me. I tell him I don’t want to be friends, it’s too fresh. He then tells me, he doesn’t want to lose me in his life, and tells me he was just scared and wants to get back together, that he loves me. So we get back together. It’s all peachy. and A couple weeks in I find out he’s still txtn the chick. I get mad, we fight I leave. He shows up on the weekend to my kids school thing, takes me out on a mini stay-cation. He tells her not to contact him anymore, and shows me the txt. But of course I’m still skeptical. Things have been good since then. We go out all the time, he spends time w/ my family, talk about a future together. But he’s still in contact w/ the girl. He just deletes all the conversations now.
We go out a couple weeks ago, enjoy a few days together. As soon as we get back into town, he tells me that ppl have mentioned to him how we don’t seem happy. Then ignores me all day. At night we talk a little, he’s not very nice, tells me I don’t make him happy and smother him… even though I never force him to spend time w/ me or my fam. and try not to contact while he works..
The next day I go over to his place, to get it done and over w/ in person. He won’t tell me it’s over in person. He starts getting ready for work, leaves phone in restroom, I go in there and he freaks out, trying to get the door open. So I figure there’s something in the phone he doesn’t want me to see. And yup, still talking to the chick… I don’t want to be crazy jealous, but it got to me, that He was blaming for things, but he was talking to her in that way. We get into an argument. I leave, he tells me really mean and hurtful things. Anyways, a few days go by, we don’t talk. At all. I caved about 5 days in and went to see him. And he tells me he loves me and cares for me but that a relationship isn’t what we need. I agree 100%. But now he is not talking to me AT ALL. I changed my profile pic on fb. and he unfriended me instantly. He’s still friends w/ my parents tho.. don’t want to think too much into that..but…
if there is any thing left I would at least like to salvage the friendship, who knows if anything comes from it in the future.
It always takes writing down the whole story to question, why am I even trying anymore.? But none the less here I am, trying. Should I even bother?
Maya

May 1, 2015 at 8:24 pm

Remember when i told you about a guy i hooked up with and he never made a move about us later, well he did 2 weeks later. We were at the same party all the time and nothing and when i was going home he came up to me and hugged me good night but we didn’t kiss, and next week we were again at the same party and nothing he was once flirty and that’s it. I really don’t get him, should i give up or do something?
Mandy

May 1, 2015 at 1:19 am

Hi Chris, my ex and I have been on/off about 3 different times over the past year. When we are together it’s great and we have never had a fight face to face. When we are together he is very attentive and affectionate towards me. He texts and calls me every day, even though we don’t spend as much time together as I would like. All of our fights are via text and during times we haven’t seen each other for days at a time. Each time I break up with him out of frustration over what seems to me like lack of commitment on his part. We do have different work schedules but I don’t feel like he makes time for me and many times he assumes I will be available to him. Our breakups usually consist of my being upset and wanting to sit down and talk about our issues and him being angry at me, refusing to talk and stonewalling me. The last time we broke up for a month and he came back saying he missed me and wanted to make things work. Two weeks back together and he still wasn’t making me a priority or giving me the respect I deserve, so I broke things off again. I told him it wasn’t working, nothing had changed and asked him not to come back again unless he was serious about a committed relationship with open communication. Some of my guy friends seem to think that he just comes back for sex. My girl friends think he does love me and just isn’t ready to commit and that is why he keeps returning. I was wondering what you think? I am doing no contact right now and have a feeling once I move on he will be back again.

« Previous 1 … 9 10 11 12 13 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”