How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back Permanently- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

Melissa

August 3, 2015 at 5:15 pm

Hi Chris,

So here’s the story: my ex and I broke up (I initiated it) in the winter, and we started seeing each other a month after but we were not “official”. That was for approximately 3 months, and I told him I was ready to make it official and at that point he said he couldn’t do a relationship right now. A month after this happened, he came back to me and said he just needed time and space to himself, and we have been dating for 3 months until last week, he broke up with me out of the blue, saying that the “relationship had run its course, that he was just going through the motions, and that he needed to figure himself out.” I am very confused and upset about this whole thing. We met one more time a week after the breakup to exchange stuff, and he cried and said that he cared about me and he didn’t want me to get hurt but continuing the relationship didn’t make sense. We parted in terms that we wanted to stay friends in the future.

Im not sure how to interpret any of this. I have been in NC for a few days and will no break it; I have done it successfully before. Honestly i don’t know if it’s even worth it, but I was wondering if you could shed any light on this situation. Thank you!

Melissa

August 14, 2015 at 8:13 pm

Thank you very much, Chris. I appreciate it.
Chris Seiter

August 17, 2015 at 11:22 pm

Your very welcome!
Melissa

August 7, 2015 at 2:14 am

Could you give me some advice? What exactly does a man mean when he says he wants to “focus on himself”? also how long should I do NC?
Chris Seiter

August 13, 2015 at 12:49 pm

30-45 days should be appropriate. See if he contacts you within 30 days and if not extend it to 45 but no longer than 45. When guys say they want to focus on themselves it could be a couple of different things. 1. Could be you were to needy in the relationship and he never had time for himself. 2. It could be just a bs way of breaking up and there’s an underlying issue. Don’t worry about that for now, just concentrate on no contact.
Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:46 pm

I think it is definitely worth it.

Mika

August 1, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Hi Chris,

I hope my comment would go through moderation this time. Here is my story: We broke up three weeks ago. This is was the 5th time that we broke up in our one year relationship. The first time we broke up we were dating for a month only. The common points all breakups have except for the 3rd and last one are the following:
1- I made a huge fuss that he does not show enough interest in me like before, especially in the second breakup I felt paranoid that it is because he wanted to break up that he lost his interest. I told him the same thing, too. Actually, whenever I felt his interest in me low, the fact that he wanted to breakup before made me feel scared and start a fight.
2- He felt extremely stressed about his work and other stuff he needed to do. He is the extremely busy type. I know he doesn’t lie about it. It is for real.
The excuses he gave me for a breakup:
1- He is busy and wants to focus on himself.
2- We are not harmonious.
3- We don’t have a future together, so better to break up now.
4- He will move to another country soon anyway.
5- In the final breakup, he said he doesn’t feel the same way about me any longer. (He said he cares about and not annoyed by my existence, but still his feelings are not enough).
We had never actually broken up despite the existing talk, though except for the 1st and current breakup. We kept seeing each other and we continued as usual. After the 3rd one, I felt fed up with it and two weeks later, I said I was ready for it. However, this time, he refused and confessed that he liked me a lot more than before and he did not want to lose me. (He said that it is a personal thing and he never uses the word “love” until he gets engaged. And he was consistent in that.) After that point on, he got really committed that he also asked me to find a university in the country he would move. I looked up for options and we discussed about it. I was going to follow him there a year after. Also, she introduced his sister to me and asked me to be good friends with her. We talked about future: whether I would like to work after marriage or not etc. We went on vacations. He said that he was really happy with me and we got along pretty well except for our little fight sometimes. In short, we spent a great time as a couple and he seemed very committed. He assured me that we would be fine whenever I felt sad about his move to another place. A month and half ago before the time he left, we had yet another fight. I made a huge fuss again. This time I really made a huge fuss. I had a point why I made a fuss, but I think the way I expressed myself was not correct. I blamed him for being selfish when he stopped sparing enough time for us as he was busy with meetings, farewell parties (he never invited me to those parties because it was a cultural thing. We are from different countries and in his country, girlfriends and boyfriends are not really invited to the parties.) and visa applications and so on. He was really busy. Yet, due to the nature of his work, he had always been busy and we would study together at the weekends for that reason (he would study his stuff and I would study mine.) When he refused to even make that time for me, I was upset as he was going to move soon. The biggest mistake I made was to threaten him with a breakup if he did not meet me and had face to face talk. On that day, he panicked and met me, but a week after he asked for a break up when I asked a question regarding our future together. He denied that he asked me to move as well. That denial was a huge shock to me. We did not break up on that day. Instead, he asked for some time to think. During that time, I contacted him often and tried to convince him. Finally, we got back together and but a week after that he asked for another breakup and that was the final one. Losing my trust, I said yes. Right now, he lives in another country, but I will be moving there next summer, too.
I deleted him from social media and his contacts as well. Being from different countries, we do not really have friends in common on social media. How should I proceed after NC? In all honesty, I want him to contact me, but if he doesn’t, I might want to contact him after all.

I really hope to get your comment on my situation, Chris.
Kat

July 23, 2015 at 5:21 pm

I’ve been in an on/off relationship with a man I love. We broke up a few weeks ago and I’m in no contact right now. We love each other but he is confused about where the relationship is going and I felt it best to take a break so he can figure it out. Now I find out that this hideous woman asked him out, is being sexually explicit, and basically planning a hookup with him on Sunday!! He’s a single guy and apparently planning on taking her up on it. I’m livid, totally beside myself!!! I know that he needs time to figure out what he wants, but I’m not sure how I sit back and let him have sex with another women!! I was planning on doing NC for another few weeks but I’m not sure what to do now! Do I call him casually, maybe ask him to help me with with something on Sunday? Show up *accidentally* where they are planning to meet? Or just let it go and move on for good?
Gaby

July 21, 2015 at 5:37 pm

Hi Chris, I just want to say your website has helped me alot!!
I was dating my ex for 5 and a half years and we often made plans for the future. However he mentioned on a few occasions over our relationship that he’d thought about a breakup but did not go through.. Last September he finally broke up with me but we got back together two weeks later and now last month he broke up with me again (I guess that makes us an on/off couple). His reason was that there are promises that i made in the past that i did not keep (these promises include more efforts in regards to trying out new things in the bedroom) I did NC and then we started talking again and actually went on two dates together which went very well and he seemed very into me. However he keeps repeating that he doesn’t know if he should be with me because he doesn’t know if doubts will come back in the future.. I know he loves me and he said so himself that i was whole package and he missed ms also his body language when we’re together is always positive.. He said he’d message me this week for another date but hasn’t done so yet . if he was really interested wouldn’t he contact me asap? Thanks in advance any advice is appreciated.
Chan

July 17, 2015 at 2:11 pm

Hi Chris, I left a message before but I don’t see it on this page so I don’t know if it posted or not.

How do I get back together with an ex might not want me back?

So heres the story, Me and this guy was together for 6 months when he got pissed off at me and broke up with me one night. (If I had known about the NC Rule at this time, it would have been perfect to use it) I begged for him back and we got back together after a week. I relationship was rocky for a month but then we got back on track and we both agreed that the relationship was even better than before. After a month I got mad at him and said something and he broke up with me. I was ok with the break up and agreed to be friends with him and we met up the next day. It was a stupid mistake but that night we recognized our love for one another and got back together again. This time the relationship was even better! Then I got jealous because I noticed he was talking to other girls on facebook and he broke up with me when I went to talk about it. We got back together but things weren’t the same. We broke up again (two days later; this Monday) and now Im implementing the no contact rule…..

Actual update I made a mistake when looking over previous text messages sent by him. I accidentally sent him a blank text message. Immediately he asked how I was holding up. I was going to ignore but decided against it. So we talked and he said that the experience was going to mold me into a stronger person and that I was going to get better in time. –> Sounds like he doesn’t want to get back together again. Can you give me advice on this please?

Also we talked for a bit longer and I asked him why did he decided to end things for good and he said that when we had our first break up he slept with someone (I knew this and forgave him because at the time we weren’t together) Apparently he felt so guilty about it he began to pull away from me. He also said that if I slept with someone he wouldn’t get back together with me, which I found very odd because I assumed he didn’t want to get back with me. I’m also not completely buying his story either. I mean why would he pull away from me and start talking to other girls because of something he did.

Can you please give me some insight on this?
Henr

July 15, 2015 at 5:16 pm

Hi, there. I left this on a different on of your pages but I think this is the correct place to leave this instead.
I read the page and I was wondering if I could get my ex back if he said he no longer wanted me. Here’s the story:

We have been together for a year. Everything was perfect, he was crazy about me and I love him too. Then about 7 months into the relationship he got very mad at me for something I did which caused him to break up with me. We got back together shortly after. After this incident we got broke up and got back together several times. I noticed that whenever he got mad at me he would initate a break up. After a period of two months we were fine and everything seemed great again. We were finally happy. Then I said something bad because I got mad at him for something he broke up with me the next day but we got back together that same day and everything felt better than before. The relationship was better than it ever was before. Then about two weeks ago I got jealous when I saw that he was talking to some girls. I didn’t really confront him about it. I just asked him about it. He broke up with me. I noticed a complete change in him that I’ve never saw before and it was harder to get back with him but he accepted me back.Two days later (this Monday) he broke up with me again. This time he said he couldn’t see a future with me. He didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to. He said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I cried and asked him if this is what he truly wanted. At first he said no then he went back and said yes. I left after saying a few words and I haven’t spoken to him since. I thinking about trying the no contact rule with him but mostly because I want to heal myself. I really want him to come back but I have a feeling deep in my heart that he’s not coming back.

Every time we broke up (except for the first time) he was the one that initiated it and I was the one that asked for him back.
And up until a couple of weeks ago things were great. I would REALLY appreciate some advice with this. Also I was his first love

Sarah

July 26, 2015 at 3:43 pm

Hi Henr,

I know exactly how you feel. Good luck but you have to hold on to the NC Rule. I know it is difficult but i had a relationship for more then 5 years.

I was yesterday for the first out with a few new friends. We went to a club and guess who i saw… yess my ex. After 3 weeks NC. I didn’t see him or had any communication with him during the 3 weeks. I saw him and he was in shock that i was happy. We ignored eachother the whole night but my friends told me that he looked for me the whole night.

So at the end of the night i wanted to go home so i saw him sitting alone at the front of the club. I think he was very drunk but he shout a few times my name, i think he wanted to talk. I ignored him and didn’t look back. 2 minutes later he came with his car and started to ask me what i was thinking that i was doing and why i was out with my friends. It was really weird but he was drunk so i didn’t wanted to talk to him. I told him that my friends where waiting for me and that i had to go. So i left. My heart stopped for a few seconds when he talked to me i didn’t know how to respond but he didn’t say anything about getting back togheter or even i miss you or how are you. Godddd i wanted to die. I dont know what is next but my heart tells me that this is the end of us. He was very jelouse i think because he saw me having fun.

How are you doing Henr, did you spoke to him?
Chan

July 22, 2015 at 10:47 pm

So today I got a text message from him after applying no contact for 5 days

It reads “I’ve realized the errors in my ways.”

Should I respond? What should I say if I do?

I don’t know what to do… If feel like he’s trying to mess with me.
Henr

July 17, 2015 at 2:15 pm

Actual update I made a mistake when looking over previous text messages sent by him. I accidentally sent him a blank text message. Immediately he asked how I was holding up. I was going to ignore but decided against it. So we talked and he said that the experience was going to mold me into a stronger person and that I was going to get better in time. –> Sounds like he doesn’t want to get back together again. Can you give me advice on this please?

Also we talked for a bit longer and I asked him why did he decided to end things for good and he said that when we had our first break up he slept with someone (I knew this and forgave him because at the time we weren’t together) Apparently he felt so guilty about it he began to pull away from me. He also said that if I slept with someone he wouldn’t get back together with me, which I found very odd because I assumed he didn’t want to get back with me. I’m also not completely buying his story either. I mean why would he pull away from me and start talking to other girls because of something he did.

Can you please give me some insight on this?

Sarah

July 8, 2015 at 8:54 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you so much for your help. I live in the Netherlands so excuse me if my English is not on point.

I have a on/of relationship with a boy i really love for more than 5 years. In this time together we broke up 4-5 times a year. And the reason is exactly as you describe: he wants to show me that he is always right.

The last time (6 weeks ago) after i went 2 weeks no contact on him, he came to my house to ask for another chance. I said oke but we promised each other that this will be the last time we try if this time it doesn’t work out then we leave for ever. This thought makes me crazy.
About the break up: so we had a fight in a club and i leaved without saying a word, i think i killed his ego because all of his friends where there to. When i came home he had send me a few messages about where i am and what a b**tch i am and that i must feel very good for him to just walk away. Anyways he was very upset.

He had very good contact with my dad so he texted him that its over between us and that he is done with me. My father told him that its a little fight and he has to come over to talk. He didn’t want to because he was so done with me he texted to him.

So i went crazy and couldn’t control myself. After 2 days nc i called him, texted him, begged him, went to his house…. (omg so stupid as i am). When he saw me the only things he said was: its over, when you walked away it was like you walked out of my life, i am done with you, you and me is not a good combination because we think differently. Also we were supposed to get engaged in the end of July.. so this sucks very bad.

That night after I went to his house i laid on bed and i saw he texted me : I’m sorry that i have been so hard on you, have a nice flight (i am going on vacation today) but you and me is not a good combination. We have other morals.
So i ignored him. 20 minutes later he texted me again, thank you for the flowers. (I went to his house with flowers) again such a stupid move.
I ignored both of the messages.

So the thoughts of never getting back together makes me go crazy. We are for more than 5 years together what if this is our last “of” and we actually never get back together?

We have broken up for 5 days now and i am on day 2 NC. The only thing i can do is 24/7 read your page and hope that he will text me.

Again thank you so much for you page i think not only i but everybody on this page appreciate it!

Because my friends are the girlfriends of his friends i am not able to talk to anyone about this break up. They will tell them how bad i feel and that will only makes his ego bigger. So if anyone wants to reply on me, feel free. I need someone to talk to.

Sarah

Alizee

July 26, 2015 at 8:39 pm

Hey Chris, we’ve been together for 6.5 years, and he ended it with me after an argument over text last week. Whenever he’s ended things with me, we always get back together, but this time feels different. I’ve done the NC rule before and it worked WONDERS, after following your advice. I’m just wondering if NC will still work for me this time round?
Henr

July 15, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Hey sarah I’m going through the same thing. My comment is above yours. How is everything going?
Sarah

July 9, 2015 at 3:33 pm

Please be honest, how are my chances for getting him back ? We broke up more than 10 times in this 5 year, maby this was the last time?

Thank you so much for your respond
Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:27 pm

Ok, well I think you are doing the right thing by using NC on him so that’s a start.

ArmyGirl

July 7, 2015 at 2:15 am

Hi Chris – I posted a comment under ArmyGirl – would you be able to moderate it and comment back with your opinion?

Chris Seiter

July 8, 2015 at 11:33 pm

I am getting to it.

M

July 3, 2015 at 6:11 am

Chris, I forgot to mention that except the fact that he has told me he was bored of me/ did not want to be in an LDR ever again etc… He also admitted when we called to have been nasty to me only to push me away!! He really does not want me at all? I fear that if I do NC, he will move on for good.
M

July 3, 2015 at 5:33 am

Hello Chris,

My ex boyfriend has been thinking about breaking up with me for about two months or maybe more and I have always been able to make him stay but know he won’t change his mind. We are in an LDR and he said that he won’t ever be in an LDR again. He also said that he does not love me any more. But he kept messaging me a lot to keep conversations going, but since I was not responding much as I was upset he got annoyed and started calling me boring, and said that I am needy. On the other hand, he also told me to stay when I told him that I did not want to talk to him anymore for good, to move on and he shared with me a fantasy that he had about me.
Now I just started no contact and I intend to do it for 3 months. Would that be too much? Do you think my chances are ruined?

Chris Seiter

July 9, 2015 at 12:11 am

Yep, I think that is a little too long.

I would recommend 30 days.

45 days is the most I would recommend.

M

July 3, 2015 at 5:26 am

Do people who got back together only once have a higher chance of getting back together if they break up? I fear my boyfriend will think to himself ” I already got back to her once and it did not work, so I should not try a second time” What do you think of this?

Linda

November 3, 2015 at 12:13 am

Hey M and Lisa,

I’m having the same thing!
Did yours come around ?
at

September 16, 2015 at 2:47 am

Hey M- i’m worried my ex has the same mindset… did yours come back around?

Lisa

June 30, 2015 at 5:17 am

Hello Chris! Thank you very much for this item! As always you really do reassure me and make me feel more confident. So this is how I was feeling after I finished reading this. But then I realised that I have already done that! Let me explain: I was in an on again/off again relationship with my ex but the breakup time would only be a week or two… Then I did 30 days no contact and when we got back together he admitted to have felt like he has lost me for good. Now he broke up with me again and won’t give me a reason why he wants it to be over. I am even more confused because only a few days before the breakup he was being really sweet to me, then he got distant for a few days, and now he has told me he wants to break up. I think it is also important to notice that he tried to make jealous twice right after we broke up.
Is the fact that he tried to make me jealous a good sign? Why would he do that since I have already shown neediness before he tried making me jealous?
Do you think I should do a longer no contact again?
Is it okay if I completely block him during the no contact time (to make it easier for me to handle)?

By the way, he only told me that I was not “fun” when I was asking him why he wanted to break up.
Olivia

June 18, 2015 at 6:01 pm

Chris, Thank you so much for that addvice. That`s my situation – again on and off relationship. And now is 35 day of NC, I blocked him from facebook, but I’m available for viber and phone. He don`t call me… Wish me luck and tell me what more can I do to take him back 🙂 Thank you again!
ROYAL

June 15, 2015 at 7:14 am

hi chris, my ex and i have been broken up from our 2 year LDR on and off rship since august. from november to january we rekindled and i was supposed to relocate to his hometown in May. Unfortunately, in january he said he wasn’t ready and told me not to move (he’s younger than I am, 24) and i decided it was time to walk away. the next month he had a new gf. he and i did NC off and on from february to april and even hooked up twice, and then he broke up with the gf–saying that being in love with me while trying to make it work with her became unbearable. now he says he doesn’t want a rship, doesn’t want to be with anyone else, but wants us to stay in contact. i want him to commit, but i also don’t want to give anymore ultimatums or walk away. I’ve done this multi times and it just causes us to argue because he says he’s firm in not wanting a rship right now even if it means i walk away… i’ve started the steps to get him to “recommit” but would they work if he’s saying he doesn’t want a rship right now even though he’s still in love with me and wants a future with me?
Sofia

June 11, 2015 at 9:15 pm

Hi Chris,

I am in an emotional turmoil now. My head cant think straight and my heart is feeling down. I dunno if my help fits in here but i guess that my relationship appears on and off. My bf and I have known each other since last september. Everything was nice, the chase, the meetings, the time spent together. I knew it was the honeymoon period. Then we hit the plateau when things just get challenging. Whenever I said something that caused him to step back, he would step back. He didnt want me to be asking too many questions. And then I probed even more. The more I ask, the further he step back. It has come to the point that when we are on the phone, he would be silent. When I asked, he said he has nothing to say to me. At the moment, I knew that my bf is under great pressure from school (hes doing a degree) and also going through financial difficulties. I wanted to help out with his finance but he insisted that I shouldnt. He said its because out of pride and he didnt want to burden his issues on me. He only wanted me to love him. Sometimes when we talk on the phone, we got into arguments that led him to shout at me. I really dunno what I should do. I am feeling very much hurt all over. Thanks for replying.
P

June 8, 2015 at 3:41 pm

Hi Chris,

So my boyfriend of 13 months broke up with me four days ago. We have been on and off during that time. The first time (Sept 2014) was he got angry at me because I kept messaging him and he was ignoring me and he didn’t talk to me ( i did become a texting gnat but then I stopped) after I stopped texting he messaged me asking to meet up, but I couldn’t because of a religious event I had to go to, but we made up without seeing each other. Then until February we broke up again because i wanted to spend time with him and I was constantly messaging him and it was his first day off work so he blocked me off Facebook and he wouldn’t talk to me the last thing he said that time was ‘you slow me down in everything I do’ so I ignored that message and didn’t reply for two days and when I did he was waiting for me to say something because he replied back saying ‘ took you that long to reply’ and it was ok after that. Until the beginning of March, where he got angry again because I was waiting for a response from him and he got ignored me and i become a texting gnat again! And obviously I got ignored until I left it for a week we spoke he said he didn’t want to be my boyfriend because he wanted to live a Muslim life so we stopped talking for five days and I messaged again and we were talking as friends but acting like a couple for a month until we met up when we got back together towards the end of April and later that night he wrote me a love letter saying he loves me and couldn’t wait to see me again. And of course everything was fine until now another argument as I asked him a question and got all angry about it and he told me I put him off with the stupid things I message him but this time I didn’t become a text gnat the way i used to. And I’m not going to see him for a while because he’s Muslim so Ramadan is starting soon and he’s going to Saudi Arabia for pilgrimage. I’m in day 2 of NC. Please help Chris! I don’t want him to forget all about me as I’ve heard that when Muslims come back from pilgrimage they become really religious! I do t know what I should do!
Sophie

June 5, 2015 at 11:38 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a year until he broke up with me recently. We were on and off a couple of times, but it was never for more than a week. During our talk after we got back together last time, I told him I wouldn’t ever come back to him if he broke up with me again only to want to get back together a couple of days later. At the time, I said it as a threat but I know I would take him back in a heart beat if he came running back to me again.
Well, a week ago, he stopped talking to me completely and shut me out for 2 days. I messaged him asking what was up and he said he didn’t know if he wanted to continue with the relationship and to give him some time to think. I gave him time to think and grew impatient so I went over to his house today and demanded an answer to if we were going to stay together or not and he broke up with me. He said he’s feeling trapped in the relationship and that he doesn’t think we will ever be as happy as we were when we first started dating (aka the Honey moon stage). He won’t tell me whether or not he still loves me when I ask. He says I don’t complete him anymore and that we would both deserve better.
I don’t know what to think. He’s said some of this stuff before when we broke up, but all the other times it was because some major disagreement happened or a big incident. There was no incident this time. It was completely out of the blew.
I sort of saw it coming because he was acting distant over the past two weeks, but I never thought this would happen.
I’m going to try the No Contact Rule, but I don’t know what my chances of succeeding are.
PLEASE HELP ME. I need your advice. Do you think I have a chance at getting him back?
No name

May 26, 2015 at 8:30 am

Hiya Chris, I have been reading your website for the past couple of months and have read most of your articles, they truly are insightful and give us women an understanding into the male mind. It is fair to say I have learnt a lot. I just wish I found your website when me and my ex first broke up last year, after a 3 year relationship. During this time we had brought a house. Luckily after a 2 month break I was able to win back his heart but unfortunately April this year, he called it a day again, because he was unhappy. I successfully completed NC for about 5 weeks. This was only broken as he text regarding the house, so due to see each other this week. Issue is still feel for him and would like to give it another chance, but what are the chances? And how do I approach meet up?

NO NAME

June 11, 2015 at 5:56 pm

Chris, there was no clear explanation for his unhappiness. Only a brief comment was made about time
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:38 am

What is his claim to his unhappiness?

emma

May 25, 2015 at 7:20 pm

hi chris, please help me, so im 18 and my ex is 19, we have been together for 2 years but within that 2 years we have broke up three times now, the third being a week ago. we was eachothers first everything and we had a really fun happy loving relationship when were together, we both believe its very special and that we are soulmates, he was my bestfriend and weve been through alot together. the first time we split was because we argued, the second because he became very ill, and the third which happened a week ago was because he said he wants freedom and to be single. he always tells me if he ever has a girlfriend it will be me and that even when weve broke up before he thought about me 24/7 and no other girls come close, ive always easily let him come back into my life, we broke up on good terms and he said im amazing and he loves me more then the world but he wants to be single at this age,he unfollowed me on social media which he didnt do in the past howver my twitter isnt private and he can see my snapchats but doesnt open them, we havent spoke for a week. he normally asks for me back after about 2 months but im so scared that this time will be diffrent, i do really love him but im scared he will go forever, or maybe he just thinks he can pick me up and drop me whenever he wants, ill be fine without him and im not depressed like the past times but i think its because i expect that us getting back together is inevitable,please help me and give me advice.
Helena

May 24, 2015 at 7:22 pm

Hi!

How to get an ex back if he loves you, thinks you are the best, but is all closed up?

I broke up with him 1 year ago. We lived together 6 more months with occasinal hookups. Then I moved out, shortly after he changed flats and moved in with his friend. Ever since he has been contacting me when I am doing smth dangerous (I like to travel off the tourist zone).
2 weeks ago we hooked up again. He was telling me while drunk how much he loves me and that he wants me to be his girlfriend. He never tod me anything he didn’t mean while drunk before. But this time when I asked him about it in the morning he told me it was all a lie. I am definitely doing the bigger push for contact. It has been hard to get him out.
He still has a framed photo of me on his bookshelve. I have noticed that his friends try to hok us up.

But I see that he is really enjoying the life with guys only and doesn’t do anything to get me back. Not even a phonecall.
I know I hurt him a lot by breaking up (no cheating, no lies, just hard words).

I feel that no contact doesn’t work with him – he gets just further away (I tried for a few months). I think he feels that he is not enough for me and also he is afraid to get hurt again or afraid to complicate his life. And we didn’t have a complicated relationship. I never set nay rules, always let him do his things, was extremely low-demanding.
But now I can’t even get him out to do the friend’s stuff.

What should be my game plan? Just keep on hooking up with him? 😀 Until he wants to have me as a girlfrend? Or have a long talk with him? What shoud I say?

I need help!

I want a normal life. I know he doesn’t want to complicate things but this crazy situation is just too complicated to me. :S

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:14 am

No.

You shouldn’t hook up with him at all until he fully commits.

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