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Cece
May 24, 2016 at 10:06 pm
So I have been visiting your website for awhile, but due to me being a poor college student I am unable to afford the books at the moment. So my situation is my ex broke up with me about 5 months ago had 2 months of No contact. We met up we talked and he told me “maybe we can be romantic in the future” “I think labels are stupid” “I cant be in a relationship right now” I ended up sleeping with him a few times. He sometimes is flaky and ends up cancelling plans last minute (did this while we were dating as well). I really want to increase my value with him. I know sleeping with him was bad and if what he is saying is true then maybe I have a chance to get him back? What are my next steps? Since we are on talking terms feel no contact out of the blue may be odd? Thank you!
Cece
May 27, 2016 at 3:09 pm
My ex doesn’t really bring up sex in conversation. And yes I will stop sleeping with him. Everytime I see him and we talk about the relationship he says “Maybe in the future, but can’t be in a relationship right now.” He knows at this point that I very much so miss the relationship. Why would a guy constantly say “Maybe in the future”? Does that work toward my advantage? And should I randomly go no contact even though we talk pretty regularly? Or should I only talk to him when he initiates conversation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 6:21 am
actually nc is meant for you to heal and be more emotionally independent from him..if you are still clingy, then that means it didn’t work..
yes it works to your advantage of he says that he’s open in the future
but to increase your value, you have to establish you’re not chasing anymore and that you have your own life.. you don’t have to do nc again for that. you just have to contnue what you started during nc, maintain yourself and not be too available always.. do a little jealousy too and keep every convo fun and interesting as much as possible
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 8:43 am
Hi Cece,
DO you want to try Chris’ advice above?
Destiny
May 22, 2016 at 4:10 pm
Me and my ex have been on and off again for a year but never off for this long. He broke up with me because he kept saying his friend who is a girl made him choose between me or her and he misses her. He chose me so I text her and made things worse. He said he still loves me and wants to be with me but don’t think we will work out. We had breakup sex and then I tried friendship but he was disrespectful and I was texting him everyday but he never initiated the text although he did reply back. I said I’m not being your friend anymore since you’re disrespectful and we exchanged our stuff back. I did the NC rule for 14 days and realized I didn’t want him back (but now after thinking about it, if he changes and I change then I do want him back and I think that can be accomplished). So I hit my ex up for sex, I planned on meeting, having sex, and leaving immediately, no talking or anything. My ex meets me and he tries to talk before and after sex and during sex kisses me a lot. So he takes a while to put his clothes back on and talks more like what have I been up to, I keep my answers vague like replying with the answer nothing. He never puts his shirt on so I wait but he doesn’t so I finally leave. Next night, he comes over my house and he’s tipsy, during sex he kisses me a lot more and even stops sex to make out and he’s like he misses me and did I miss him and I’m the only one he’s sleeping with, am I only sleeping with him and he asks what I miss about him and he tells me what He misses about me. The next night, I tell him I’m busy. He texts me later on and I send him like three text then wait till the morning to reply to the rest. Eventually I tell him I’m busy so I have to go bye. Usually when I say that which is often, he says ok see ya. He never replied so later on I text him hey are you ok, he said yes are you and we have a short convo. Eventually I say I’m busy and end it. Later on I accidentally sent him hey are you still coming (meant to send to my friend) and he says yes if you want me to. I tell him it was a mistake but if he wants to we can if my friend doesn’t reply. He asked who the friend was and then offers to buy a hotel. I say Ok. we meet up, have sex, and then I’m about to leave, he asks to cuddle. We cuddle and talk a little. He asks me if I’m talking to other people and etc. I eventually try to leave but he wants me to stay longer so he excitedly shows me this new show he found. During that it made me sad because I caught feelings for him again and it hurts that he doesn’t want me so he asks what I’m thinking about. He can obviously tell when I’m sad cause that’s what he asks when I’m sad. I say nothing. We talk some more and he seemed to care about my opinion on things but he did say his friend gave him advice on enjoying being single and he’s like yeah I don’t want to be in a relationship. I finally left and I gave him a hug and turned around to leave but he kept me from turning around and kissed me. Now it’s been a day and he hasn’t text me. I’m so confused on what to do. He’s not using my for just sex. He’s using me to be his girlfriend too without the title but only when he wants me to be his girlfriend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 10:50 am
Hi Destiny,
I have to be honest with you. He’s using for sex. Every when does he only want you to be his girlfriend?
When I first read your plan, I already knew it would not end up the way you were planning it to end, because women are emotional. Men can have sex without emotions attached. I’m not saying he doesn’t any, but it’s not as much as you do.
Are you willing to follow Chris’ advice above?
Kay18
May 18, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me after 6 years together (only one being in a long distance relationship) because he wanted to be single, not because he wanted to date other girls again but he started to enjoy his time alone. We were in a long distant relationship. We would see echo other every 4 months. After he broke up with me, he came to town to visit his brother (who is my roommate). It was horrible, I wouldn’t even look at him at all. Until I asked him for a massage because I trained so hard that my muscle got sore. We slept together after and the next day. That day, he started acting the way he did when we were together. So, I realize I’m in a FWB situation because he already told me that he is enjoying the moment, the now and not worrying about the future. (When he goes back to his city which is going to happen in 2 months). Is there a way that he might still have true feelings about me or I should seriously practice the flute/cut off sex move?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:34 pm
Hi Kay18,
he might still have feelings but you should still cut off the sex
Maricris
May 12, 2016 at 9:12 pm
My ex and I were in an off and on again relationship. He broke up with me, I did no contact for about 25 days and reached out to him. We talked, he slept over and we ended up fooling around but I didn’t let him have sex with me. He said that he had an amazing time, that he felt like he was in heaven with me. The next morning he wouldn’t stop giving me kisses; he was late for work. I had to push him off of me and say “No more kisses, go to work!”
I personally feel like I handled the situation more maturely; not going all the way with him. But I can’t help but beat myself up for not achieving the ungettable girl status.
Any words of wisdom? BTW I absolutely love most of Chris’s articles. Thank you for all of the work that you do for this heartbroken community 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:23 am
Hi Maricris,
well at least you didn’t have sex, so in a way you made him want more.. Just keep doing what you started doing during no contact and don’t be too available for him.
Tiff
May 10, 2016 at 12:13 pm
Well after NC round 3 my ex came back and messaged me for 3 days… on day 3 he suggested we have an “encounter “….. I told him to give me time to think about it and he agreed. But he went missing again and after 3 days (lucky number lol) I chose to respond again last night and I messaged him and told him I will not be interested and that hooking up will not help me in anyway…. he responded with “k”. I have never felt so strong/scared in my life. Should I enforce NC round 4 since I ignored his reply? He never responds to emotional displays so a simple “k” is a lot.
Tiff
May 15, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Ok, I’ll stick to it!!! I haven’t seen him since Nov last year and I have gotten stronger each round of NC (30-45 days). This is the most contact we have had and he went and messed it up smh. I’m so happy I found this site!! Thank you for your support EBR team!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 14, 2016 at 11:44 am
stick to it, no matter what.. unless it’s really an emergency.. he’ll say it if it’s an emergency.. so, don’t reply when he texts or calls.. you have to stick to it because the more you do it, the less the effect.
SS
May 5, 2016 at 1:13 am
Hello!
So my ex and I broke up about a year ago. We had only dated for a couple of months. After we broke up we spent some time still sleeping together and seeing each other. Then we stopped talking for a few months and I got into a new relationship. Me and that guy dated for just over 5 months then we broke up. About 2 weeks before we broke up, I had started talking to my old ex again. then (SHAME ON ME) the day after me and ex #2 broke up, I slept with ex #1. I don’t have any more feelings for ex #2 but I am feeling like I definitely still have feelings for ex #1. I want to be with him but I am almost sure he doesn’t feel the same way. This has happened before, as ex #1 and I have broken up and came back several times over the past 4 years. I can never seem to get over him no matter how much time and distance I put between us. It’s like a magnet, drawing me in and keeping me there whenever it gets the chance. We were talking today and he told me not to go getting all attached. Then, later in the same conversation, in an effort to make him feel more comfortable, I said I probably wouldn’t be interested in a relationship for a while. He then replied with “But I might. Want a relationship that is”, I would normally be excited but I do know that he is talking to other girls and so what if he means that he might end up wanting a relationship with one of them and he might have to cut me off?? I am very confused as you can see haha. Please help me if you can.
SS
May 10, 2016 at 4:56 pm
Thank you! I stopped the sex and already it has made a difference. He has started actually talking to me and we can just hang out as friends without the added pressure. It feels like a new relationship could really be possible.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 3:06 am
Hi SS,
truth is, you’re having emotional sex with him while he’s not and he might just give you a little hope for you to keep hanging around.. if you really want him to take you seriously.. you have to stop the sex.. it’s better to lose him because of it..
Opps!
May 1, 2016 at 11:29 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. We were together just over a year. His reason for ending it was he wasn’t happy with himself and needed a fresh start on his life where he can work on himself. He thought we also had communication issues (although we never fought). Anyways I begged and pleaded when it happened, but went into NC right away for 30 days. I initiated text conversations after. It took awhile for him to seem to be comfortable with me texting and I did not get into real emotional texts with him in fear it was too soon and he’d not respond well. He did start texting me friendly almost every day. It was going good. He initiated a meet up, to which I was busy and couldn’t go. The next week he invited me out more than once, but then told me he made other plans and couldn’t make it. Finally this weekend I initiated the meet up and went over to his place. One thing led to another and alcohol was involved and well I spent the night and well we did it and I left to go to work while he slept in the morning. He invited me over after work that night because he was having friends over to watch a hockey game. I went over and was with his friends who I get along with. I sadly spent the night again. Since we were both sober I thought it’ll give it a chance to see if he had feelings for me. But well, he was really more business only and no real affection and he did not reciprocate my affections, like cuddling. So now I clearly know he views us as friends with benefits. I’m not sure how to proceed from this point. If he invites me to do something, do I go and not spend the night and simply leave? What do I say if he asks why I am not staying, or if the topic doesn’t come up do I initiate a conversation where I tell him I won’t be friends with benefits with him and that I’ll only spend the night if we are in a committed relationship? Or do I go NC from this day on? If so for how long?
Thanks!
Opps
May 4, 2016 at 5:25 am
Is it better to have the talk with him instead of being a tease?
like when we meet up, and he expects me to spend the night, instead of me staying I simply leave.
I know we have plans to go to a restaurant for dinner in 2 days. I’m hoping a date-like atmosphere will be good for us, and will show him I’m not a booty call.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 2:09 pm
you can do that too! That’s a good idea.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 9:48 am
If he invites again.. tell him you can’t go.. don’t go.. and then continue texting… when the timing is good invite him to go elsewhere.. maybe a park. or a coffee shop or anywhere public but has a spot where you can get comfortable and have fun and when he’s in the best mood, tell him you don’t want to be friends with benefits anymore because it’s not you to do that.
Red
April 20, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Hi Chris!
Me and my ex have broken up two months ago, it’s been two weeks that we’re talking again and we’re over the top with joy about it. We’re saying we’re close friends but we both talked about it and both know we still have strong feelings and desire for each other, but that we both need to “change” (I still want to accomplish all my goals I set on the long term to continue with the Gatsby method. He’s a player and realized by himself that he has to change too because he’s not proud having one night stands and that it’s not healthy if he someday wants a family). Until he and I change he insists he wants to stay as close as possible as he says I’m too important to him.
So after three weeks of no contact (we bumped into each other at an event and he couldn’t contain his jealousy seeing me talk with other men) I got my stuff back and we made peace. We have been texting, calling, and see each other since. He tells me not to wait for him to change, even if that means me meeting another man. He knows I’m going on dates with other men and is pretty jealous, but he’s the one who broke up because he felt bad for being a player with me, and admits that he doesn’t feel able to commit until he changes. We’re practically best friends right now, we hang out and have lots of fun together just talking for hours on our common interests.
Last night we went out for beers and continued talking and laughing until late at night at his place. It wasn’t safe for me to go back home alone, so I ended up staying. We huddled close together in his bed just in our underwear, and well things got pretty flirty, kissing and just touching all night. It drove him so crazy that he wouldn’t stop saying how much he wanted me, we didn’t even sleep. I told him I would not have sex with him as I have my huge pride, I don’t have sex unless I’m in a relationship, that he’s the one who broke up. He told me he respected that even if it was torturing him. We kinda felt like two retarded teenagers who weren’t allowed to have sex. When it was time to get out of bed for work, we both ended up fapping in front of each other because the tension drived us nuts… Was that a huge no no or was it okay? Did I make a mistake to let him do that, should I have told him not to relieve himself? Am I now the dreaded “friends with benefits” even if I didn’t go all the way? He did seem in pain, would have it been cruel to keep him in such a state? When we were done he seemed back to cool headed and friendly-flirty, while I kinda preferred how sexually tense things were all night yet kept a cool appearance…
Red
April 26, 2016 at 11:13 pm
Okay, but what should be my next move? Should I stop talking to him altogether or continue the texting process? (I started over after he asked how my weekend went yesterday, so today sent a day 2=2 texts (build up anticipation then give news in second text, and plan on not giving news tomorrow), I also invited him to my birthday that’s up in two weeks, to which he responded positively. I could increase the jealousy moves, but I don’t want to hurt another guys feelings in the process either, I don’t know how to exactly use this jealousy process. If I understand well you’re telling me to be less present? If so how would he get jealous if he doesn’t see me? Yeah he does look relatively satisfied with how things are now, is there any other way apart from jealousy to change that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:53 am
well, you don’t have to date another guy.. just being out more often with friends is okay..and continue on with the activities you started on nc. continue on with texting, build rapport by texting and attraction by your activities and jealousy moves.
Red
April 23, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Hi Amor!
I’ve already done NC for 3 weeks, should I do it all over again? I’m not particularly waiting, just living my life and trying to get to my own goals, I’ll occasionally answer his texts like advised here. We haven’t seen each other since (he’s out of town for the weekend), but he sends messages every day, to ask me how my date went (and randomly mentioning how he doesn’t like him already) and ask how a party with our friends went, or just to send me random texts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 8:47 am
don’t repeat that, coz you’re about to be friends with benefits if that happens again.. and if not you’re actually going to be friendzoned if you keep being present.. increase the jealousy moves.. it’s ok to be friends but you have to be sensitive that it’s not making him commit because he can still you like him and he’s satisfied with how you are guys now
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 7:25 am
Hi Red,
Actually it’s the same, you just didn’t go into intercourse, but it’s still like sex.. I would like to know if you are waiting for him or you want to try nc?
Jay
April 19, 2016 at 3:34 pm
I’ m sure I already know the answer to this, but is it ok to sleepover at your exes place after you see him, and just cuddle & sleep? & not let it go further than that? Basically refuse him the deed but still spend the night over?
Thanks!
Jay
April 21, 2016 at 1:50 pm
If it’s when we met up for the first time is it ok? I guess you could call it a date. We went for drinks and just talked like friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 4:55 am
if it’s the first date, that was too early.. don’t sleep over again in the next date.. spend it outside that has fun activities.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 10:39 am
you mean are you already in the dating stage? if you are..it’s ok..
Becka
April 18, 2016 at 1:08 pm
Chris,
I noticed that you don’t have any info on what to do if your ex wants to sext you and he sends nudes. This is what is happening to me. im not going to send nudes, but should I sext back? Or should I say I have to go in an elusive way?
To add some context, we have been out on several dates and they went well. We didn’t have sex.
Thanks for all your help Chis and Amor!
Becka
April 19, 2016 at 1:29 am
You dont think that’d kinda scare him off?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 8:34 am
nope if it’s in q joking way or you can change up the words if you want 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 5:32 pm
Thanks Becka I’ll forward that to him as a blog post suggestion. Reply in a humorous way.. tell him it looks like he’s mistaking you for his girlfriend and then add a wink smiley
Karen
April 18, 2016 at 8:36 am
Hey Chris,
Please help me. My boyfriend and I broke up a year ago. We had no contact for about 4 months. Then he moves to Japan en started conversations again (I live in Europe). Now he’s back home, we met a couple of times. Just talking, like really best friends or something. But we told each other there are still feeling, and also that we can’t be dating right now.
Anyway, he had a lot of problems, in his personal life, he’s really a mess at this point. But I have to be honest, we slept together.
I didn’t call of text him after that, he texted me, just to talk. What do I do now???
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:41 pm
Hi Karen,
if you’re not talking because of nc..you have to be proactive for yourself..he has to see you in a new light before trying to talk again to avoid being his booty call
Vivien
April 16, 2016 at 3:26 am
My ex and I have been sexting and having casual sex since we broke up 9 months ago. During this time we have both seen other people but always kept each other on the side in secret.
He is now in an LDR where he cheats on her often with me.
We were in a serious defacto partnership/engaged and I can tell he still cares for me as he does many things an ex shouldn’t do (brings me expensive food when I’m down, attending a funeral to support me. Calling me cute and asking for silly selfies, attending chemo with me)
Not sure what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 5:08 am
Hi Vivien,
Stop the sexting.. because you have to put yourself out in the position as a sex partner only to him.. if he really loves you, he’ll be with you for the right reasons.
Mary
April 11, 2016 at 10:41 pm
Hey, so we broke up exactly a month ago. I immediately started the no contact rule and really looked everywhere for advice. But he seems very different, he went from drinking casually to going to parties and blacking out completely. We’ve only slept with each other but he says he wants more ‘experience’, we are young and odds are he will move soon to a different city, but I don’t want to just give up. Only a month has passed and I feel like I barely know him. I was seriously considering sleeping with him since I will see him soon, but I’m scared that if I even try to not have sex after that, he’ll just get bored and find someone else. He said he has no feelings for me, but he has asked about me to my friends and said that he would definitely hook up with me again, so there’s something there and I’m confused and scared, I apllied the no contact but now, I’m so lost I don’t know what to do next please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm
Hi Mary,
wanting to have sex with you doesn’t mean he has feelings with you.. if he moves on because you don’t want to have sex, that’s good. You dodged a bullet.. If he really likes you or loves you, he would respect you
hs
April 2, 2016 at 9:10 pm
My ex and I started talking after I texted him using the guide (can’t believe it worked!). Now he randomly messages me about the awesome sex we used to have….I told him to screw off and that I’m not going to be his booty call, and that I can’t hace sex and not get emotionally involved. He said that’s too bad. I said if that’s all he wants then I have to x you out of my life. He said meet me one more time and then you can x me out. We had our first meet up yesterday – just went to grab a quick bite…had somewhat of a good convo but mostly awkward lol. I said no, and that maybe I need to start seeing other people now. Your disrespect proved to me that you’re a jerk now. He said fine, bye. We haven’t spoken since. What do you think I should do now? Dangle the sex? I know he’ll text again asking for it – he’s been doing it for a few days now and I shoot him down every time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 8:41 am
Hi HS,
you would be sending mixed signals if you do that. For me it’s better that he doesn’t text if he only wants sex. If he’s really serious he would apologize and start over again with you.
Bobbie
March 8, 2016 at 4:51 am
Hi
So we broke up 3 months ago. I replied only to pick up stuff and he chased me for sex. I refused but broke down a month ago and we spent time together, gym, dinner and sex a few times. 3 weeks I went NC after a sleepover and ignored his text and calls but wonder if that was wrong and misunderstood Chris’ advice. Do I wait longer or do I text him an apology for ignoring him?
Bobbie
April 22, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Ok. How slow is slow? And what is best method of texting? Showing interest? Tide theory? Thank you so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 2:30 pm
there’s no concrete timeline but of course, don’t sleep with him until you get to being back together.. slow means starting to build rapport first and attraction.. try the tide theory.. when you’ve maintained it for like two weeks or so, move to calls, then maybe 1 or 2 weeks of being able to call each other, when more attraction is built, he will probably ask you out.. don’t have a too romantic first date.. well, unless he already asked to get back together before you got to the meet up stage
Bobbie
April 19, 2016 at 4:21 am
The thing is I haven’t texted since NC after we were intimate 2 months ago when he pursued me.. Both times you had advised me (after month NC after sex and recently 3 weeks after we had confrontation about NC,) I never got chance to text because coicidentally I bumped into him.So only contact was his latest text after seeing me two days ago…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 21, 2016 at 9:44 am
that’s good..at least you have somewhere to start. it won’g be too awkward to text him because of that
Bobbie
April 18, 2016 at 2:58 am
Amor! I hope you read this. Sorry if I’ve overstayed my welcome on this page. So hemmed and hawed on when to contact him and again we bumped into each other at a coffee shop. Divine intervention or coincidence? This time I was pleasant but he was shaken. He messaged me a few hours later to say I looked good. I simply thanked him via text (not immediately) and he replied by saying you’re welcome. What is my call now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:25 pm
I think you should take it slow..when was the last time you texted?
Bobbie
April 3, 2016 at 6:53 pm
Thank you Amor, I really appreciate the reply. I was hurt that he suggested that sex was us getting to know each other. Your answers have helped me see that I was focused on his reactions.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 12:29 pm
You’re welcome..I hope it gets better next time
Bobbie
April 1, 2016 at 1:56 am
Sorry if I’m asking too many questions. Do I start by texting? Or start no contact again? No it’s like I’m begging for forgiveness when whole point was to increase value. Or thinking no contact backfired and only hurt him
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:24 am
Sorry for the late reply.. Well, if he’s really serious, sex would be out of the conversation..If you texted too early that would really appear like you were affected by what he said.. Give it time, I think it should be two to three weeks.
Bobbie
March 27, 2016 at 12:34 am
Thank you for your advice. Instead of getting a chance to initiate contact, we ran into each other today. Was not prepared, he was upset I had cut off contact and wanted to know why. I told him I couldn’t be in sexual relationship. And needed space to think about what I wanted. He accepted that answer but didn’t understand wh I just ignored him.He countered we were getting to know again and I shouldn’t have disappeared without saying anything. Told me never to ignore a man when he expresses feelings. He had msged me about being sad I missed his birthday. Anyway, it ended with me feeling terrible and felt like we were breaking up again. Now what can I do?
Bobbie
March 9, 2016 at 5:36 pm
Ok thank you. To clarify I’m wondering if I explain my absence because I’m not being interested in booty call? Seems disingenuous and almost implies it’s ok for one of us to disappear.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 9:31 pm
hmmm.. I’m not sure if I understand your question correctly..
For me, if he asks why you disappeared it’s because it’s not in your character to be a booty call..It’s the wrong reason to be in touch with somebody.. so you had to detach from the situation
for me, that’s a valid reason to disconnect..but if somebody just disappears out of the blue, without reason..of course that’s wrong
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 10:33 am
Hi Bobbie,
I think you need to make it clear to him, that you don’t want to be his booty call.. he may be chasing now..but after nc, once you’re talking again..refuse sex.. if he still talks to you good.. if not that means it’s really just sex he wants
jess
February 29, 2016 at 7:20 pm
Hi I was seeing a guy on and off for 10 months it was just sex at first which we both agreed on. I caught feelings eventually. And I would only see him once a week sometimes fortnight. It would always be on a weekend after a night out he would turn up or call. He didn’t rush to go in the morning. After a while I got fed up wanted more he refused to be in a relationship so I cut contact for around 4 weeks but then we got talking again n I missed him. This happened about 3 times over the 10 month. Final straw was when I caught him talking to his ex trying to get her round for sex I con fronted him and offers him the relationship or nothing. He shrugged it off. So it’s been 3 month if turned him down a couple times when he’s text me. I got drunk last night bumped into him he was all over me n watching me all night even in front of his mates. Told me he missed me He came back to mine we had a great night/morning didn’t leave till half 2. Havnt hurd from him since. Will he ever commit
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hi Jess,
We’re not sure about what he thinks about but the only thing you can control is you.. I’ve said to others too, the people who stay in our lives are either the ones that fit in our standards or ones we think we should adjust for.. So it depends on you.. A person will only commit if he sees that he needs to commit for you to stay
Akky
February 15, 2016 at 6:51 pm
Hey.. How do you do this in person? Do i kiss him, make out? And then leave him hanging (or not so hanging 😉 )
I really get the point of string n ball.. But to do this in person, what are the tactics you suggest?
Please help! My guy is not a texting nut.. So its always gonna be in person….
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 8:09 am
Hi Akky
Well be friends first. Hang out, do fun stuff together and be a little flirty but don’t go being romantic right ahead
Diana
February 13, 2016 at 9:10 pm
Hi. I hooked up with my boyfriend after 3 months of breakup and 1,5 months of NC. Everything was great, it felt that our breakup never happened, he was sweet and caring – during those 3 months of breakup he avoided me and was very distant.
Should I wait for him to text me or text him myself?
Diana
February 22, 2016 at 7:01 pm
Thanks Amor! It means a lot to have support and advice when it’s so much needed 🙂
I’ll ask some more questions just to make sure I’m on the right track… And to clarify: we see each other just once a week at college but haven’t seen each other since that night.
So we’ve been talking about the series he recommended to me but so far it’s been kinda polite and a little distant. We exchange 2 texts per day, and both of us wait 5-6 hours to respond. I don’t know if it’s a good pace or not… I know he’s going on a trip this week but he never mentioned it to me – is it a bad sign or I’m just being impatient?
And here’s another problem: he’s an introvert, even when we were just starting our relationship he said he’d never act on his attraction to me if I didn’t text him once on some school stuff. Then I was the first to hold his hand, to kiss him, etc… He’s confident but very aware of other people’s boundaries and doesn’t want to force himself on anybody. But see, after the breakup he’s been very responsive and receptive to me initiating things (that hook up and conversation after, both initiated by me). How do I work with that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2016 at 12:02 pm
That’s the thing with introverts, you have to reach out with them mote.. you have to initiate more
Diana
February 20, 2016 at 10:36 am
Ok. But how do I do that so it doesn’t seem like I’m forcing it? He didn’t text me since then.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 12:01 pm
It’s ok to initiate texts, you’re going to build rapport and attraction from it.. What’s important is how you end it and what you talk abouy.. Do the tide theory.. and since you already see each other, I think it’s going to be easier for this to transition to dates later on.. Have value with your conversation by showing interests for his interests.. Don’t text whole day and end the convo before it gets boring
Diana
February 18, 2016 at 8:17 am
Hi again! I’m back with news and questions.
We talked about it, it was a short but warm conversation. He said he liked that night and the next day, we made some jokes and then he asked if I had any regrets – I said no. We ended on that, so no high note 🙁
How do I proceed, with what and how long should I wait? I mean, is it nc now or do I engage into texting?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 3:42 pm
for me cultivate your relationship now.. text him, if you get to meet up have fun
Diana
February 15, 2016 at 2:29 pm
Got it.
Do I bring up that night or start the conversation with something different?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:33 am
It’s better if you talk about it but time it right..
Diana
February 14, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Thanks!
And another thing: I think he was worried that I’d regret it later (because I was drunk (what he said) and cut him out of my life for 2 months (what he had on his mind, I guess). Plus he’s an introvert, and I might have left a bit abruptly.
This is all just to say that I’m worried he’ll think I do regret it, since I’m not texting him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:06 am
then you really have to initiate contact after week…
Diana
February 14, 2016 at 10:29 am
Yeah, but alcohol was involved. It a mutual friend’s big party – no talking during or before, like we didn’t notice each other. Then I just came up to him, started kissing and that’s that. I was drunk, honestly; he was tipsy.
But the next day was just like the old times, I spent almost all day at his place, left in the evening – and no text ever since (evening of February 13).
Did I make a huge mistake? What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2016 at 10:48 am
Oh no.. not really huge.. but it was a mistake.. but let’s wait first.. if he doesn’t text after a week.. you can initiate contact
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2016 at 5:55 am
Hi Diana,
so the hook up happened first before texting? hmmm.. wait for him to text.. if he really changed.. he would text first
crystal
February 1, 2016 at 7:27 pm
hi,
ive made a lot of mistakes after by break up including begging, sex,etc. so i started the nc 7 days and he has contacted me twice since then. today i wanted to delete all the messages and history to just focus on myself these 30 days and i accidentally face timed him today. It rang once before i could end it and he face timed me right back but i did not answer. I then texted him saying my call was an accident and he said ok then i havent said anything else sense. Did i make a huge mistake? should i start back over at day one? It really was an accident, i had no desire in speaking to him
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 10:24 am
Hi crystal,
Hmm, I think it wad better if you didn’t text it was an accident but you don’t have to start over with the count. 🙂
Stacy
January 17, 2016 at 8:04 pm
Hi Chris,
My situation is a unique one! Please help!!! I was in a 3 year on and off relationship, but it was sexless until the very end when he threatened to leave because he was sexually frustrated and didn’t think all the back and forth was worth it anymore. I’m a late bloomer, and remained a virgin into my twenties. When we started dating, I wasn’t ready for sex and gave him multiple opportunities to exit the relationship since I knew it would probably take me months or years to get over the sexual guilt I experienced from being raised in a religious home. Regardless, he insisted he would wait and continued pursuing me. He had sexual partners in the past before me, and also during our breaks when we were on and off. I was the one who held all the power in the beginning. I was always the one who called things off every time initially, and he would come begging me back or take me back immediately each time. Due to my original ungettable girl status, it was a shock to me when he started distancing himself and not making time to see me anymore. We started arguing a lot. He blamed me for everything and had a lot of resentment towards me that he had been keeping bottled up the whole time. I asked him if he still wanted to be together, and he said he was indifferent, no longer wanted to be in a sexless relationship then broke up with me. I had no idea he was so sexually frustrated, because he didn’t sit down with me to have a talk about his needs not being met or give me a chance to try to fix things. He doesn’t communicate very effectively. Over the course of the relationship, we did other things sexually, just hadn’t gone “all the way” yet. Ironically, this break up went down around the time when I was finally about to tell him I was ready to lose my virginity to him! I was devastated at the thought of losing him, after all we’d been through and after it took me so long to feel comfortable in a relationship. This was the first time he was ever the one to call things off.
My ego was bruised, and I was disappointed at the terrible timing. I begged and pleaded for him back thinking that if the only reason he wanted out was because we weren’t having sex, that I could fix it because I was finally ready. He came back but gave me an ultimatum that he wouldn’t be sticking around if we didn’t sleep together within a certain time period. He was still quite distant, not really treating me like a girlfriend anymore or making the effort to initiate or see me very often. I was initiating most of the texts and hangouts. One day we met up and slept together. After a few days passed, he broke up with me a second time, this time over text message.. saying he fell out of love with me…I went into no contact and haven’t heard from him since. I would really love your perspective on this situation and if there’s any hope of rekindling this or if I should just move on. :/ Please help!!