The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Sarah

February 5, 2014 at 12:16 pm

Hi please can I get a perspective on this …
My ex is 20 years older than me and until September was married on paper only – they even had separate bedrooms, ate at different times and I witnessed this! Anyway he stayed because she effectively employed him on their business which being a stables was run on site from the house. Anyway in September I started having doubts about us as I’m studying at college 400 miles away due to it being best in country for horse studies I had to move away and I got scholarship. Anyway, after I told him let’s be friends he left the wife, business, lost everything. We met while I was home on holiday and I told him I need time to complete my final year and get going with my career etc as a professional rider – tough career to get into! but not forever. He was heartbroken and even cried but I’m stubborn. In December he started seeing someone else and I’m heartbroken now, I’ve made a lot of mistakes such as calling texting and admitting how I feel. I’m now in no contact but do u think I’ve got a chance? We planned our own business together and everything – with backups incase we split. What do I do?

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:59 pm

Yes I think you have a chance.
Sarah

February 6, 2014 at 12:10 am

Thank u! I really needed to hear that 🙂 but because I dumped him should I shorten NC at all? I don’t want him to think I’m just backing off and giving up …
Sarah

February 5, 2014 at 12:34 pm

Ps. He’s admitted to me that he still loves me more than once and all while sober in the cold light of day and also on the phone etc. He’s also kept up the compliments and nicknames etc. So I’m confused.

Sarah

February 5, 2014 at 11:58 am

Hey Chris! My boyfriend and I were together for 10 months and the first 5 were great and we decided to move in together. 3 weeks after moving in, he broke up with me and moved out. He said it was b/c I got drunk with a friend and put myself in a dangerous position (nothing happened) but he was too worried about me. (I believe it had to do with being scared of this committment, he has always lived at home, he is now 27 however). We work in the same hospital, but different departments and would see each other at the end of our shifts each day and I could tell how much he missed me. I wrote him a hand written apology letter and he really appreciated it and we got back together. The next 3 months were better than ever (he did not move back in however). Then around X-mas I began getting needy and a little crazy and was starting fights over stupid things, for attention, I was being pretty negative about things, but he still stuck it out with me. In mid January he was still saying he loved me/missed me etc. and we still were like a normal couple. All of the sudden over a two week period he became distant and I knew something was wrong. He then broke up with me saying he was not in love with me anymore, that just seeing texts from me annoyed him and the fact that he was pulling away over the two weeks made me even more needy, which then ruined things completely. So, while we were having the break up talk he was kissing me on the lips, we had sex (stupid move on my part), and he was holding me in his arms the whole discussion. But he took his stuff with him and that was that. I wrote him a long fb message the next day admitting my mistakes and apologizing, no response. 4 days later I saw on fb that he was contacted about a job he has been wanting so i sent him a text congratulating him, no response. 2 days after that he text me to let me know my rent check was in the mailbox. I did not respond. 4 days after that we ran into each other in the halls at our work and we said hi and he said “I like your hair”, I said “Thank you” as we both continued walking by. Then I text him about a work issue and it was a friendly little convo about work only and that was it and here I am now. I really want to know if we have hope. I love him more than anything and really thought he was the man I’d marry, I have never felt that before. I recognize all my faults and definitely want to use NC to work on myself, but I’m worried he will just forget about me during this time. I really want to work things out. Help! :’-(

Sarah

February 6, 2014 at 4:25 am

You skipped me 🙁 I miss him soo much and am feeling hopeless

Renee

February 5, 2014 at 11:02 am

My ex broke up with me three or four months ago, we were together for a year and a half, we had a few problem’s during the time we’ve been broken up but nothing that hasn’t been sorted out now, we both apologized for everything that went down during the past few months and now we’re at a point where we’re happy to catch up within our friend group. I ran into him recently and we stayed talking for a long time, this is the first time I’ve had a decent conversation with him in a month or two, I was just wondering what to do next, it really feels like there’s still something there but I definitely don’t want to start becoming annoying so I wasn’t sure if now is a good time to start comunicating with him again or whether I should just stay silent for a bit and see if he contact’s me first?
Ale

February 5, 2014 at 7:56 am

-sorry if theres any spelling mistake but english is not my first language..

So this is my story..
My ex boyfriend and i were together for 2 years, before that we dated 3 months to know each other a bit..

We had everything in common from weird cult/horror movies to comic books, and sic-fi literature, we are both toy collectors/ huge star wars fans and video game addicts what was pretty fun..
But there was this time.. when we were about to have sex (for the first time) and he called me by another name .. of course i pushed him and get off his place, and we broke up, that night he chased me home and was crying and telling me he was sorry and explain everything to me, that girl was his best friend and he had a crush on her for a couple years but he was now with me and in love with me.. (that was also the first time he said he loved me).

I didn’t answer his calls for a while, just to his texts to tell him that i was really really angry and i couldn’t forgive him.

So he came to my place every night and left a note, a rose and a pony on my door till i forgive him.. 2-3 weeks more or less..

That first year was the most wonderful relationship I’ve ever had, he become my best friend, soulmate and mentor..

We were always interchanging presents for every silly date.. (global hand-washing day i gave him ‘the last of us’ game) and preparing our b.day/valentines/christmas presents 2 months before, so we were really thinking and caring about the other.

But i must admit i got really scared when he was like *11 months!! *1 year!! .. that was a lot of time and i didn’t really know if i loved him truly ..
Problem 1- Im not an emotional person (and not very talkative also)
Problem 2- I was really scared of having sex with him (because of what happened before, i was scared to have to break up again)
Problem 3- My ex boyfriend who i was about to marry in university shows up
Ex was like – sorry i know I’ve hurt you but if you want we can start from zero again, lets be friends and blah blah..
I told him i was with someone now and of course we could be friends, just that.

The second year was a bit bitter because i wanted to travel with him (i travel a lot) and he was like .. lets do it! and then he couldn’t afford that 🙁 we made a lot of plans that wanted to do together..
i remember that i wanted to go to the sigur ros concert (my favorite band) and told him to buy tickets, and told him again and again and again for 3 weeks .. so i was really pissed because i wanted to go and complain, so he took his ipad and buy the tickets and then i said.. stop, i dont want to go anymore – are you sure? – yes
i realized he didn’t wanted to go because he don’t like that band and i was really sad..
That week my ex text me and gave me an extra ticket for the concert so we went together in my car and drove to another city, after that we went to another concert and did a little trip (of 7 days, and we planned our next trip to japan)

When i came to the city my boyfriend called me.. he was worried about me and all i could said was .. ‘i want to break up’
He wanted to talk but i don’t, i was really confused about why did i made that decision.
I didn’t answer his texts or calls for a month, then we started texting again, one day i got locked out of my house and went to his place but he never made eye contact, or talked much, i told him i was going to japan with my ex and i saw him really sad..
Days ago he stalked my ex via fb and asked him what was going on between us.. and i got really mad because theres really nothing! and ..why didn’t he asked ME?. so i yelled at him that everything was over and i didn’t want him to interfere with my life.
He never really came to my house to talk, he never chased after me, nothing in that 2 months when i said over the phone that everything’s over.

2 months after we broke up he find himself a new girl (the type he hates, material girl dumb and empty) but he seems really happy (they’ve been together for a month now), i haven’t told him i miss him because I’m really proud, but truth is i want him back.

Note: His family now hates me because he was in depression when we broke up
Im still doing the trip with my ex, i know its selfish and if it was him doing the trip i wouldn’t let him go.
And i still have his xmas gifts i didn’t gave him because we broke..

So what do i do? i want him back
And probably the reason i break up with him was because i was feeling guilty for what i was about to do..

So how can i get him back?
Is there a solution?
Will he abandon that (empty/dumb/fat/ugly) girl for me?
And how long will it take to get him back?
Bre

February 5, 2014 at 4:08 am

HELP!
My ex birthday is in an hour i am debating if i should text him happy birthday or not i started NC 2 days ago after telling him i give up and if it’s meant to be he’ll come around. He had this idea telling me he really loves me he doesn’t want to lose me but he wants to take things slow start over as friends and work our way up.. He’s started therapy and suggests that i should too because we argued a lot he thinks it will be good for us in the future i loved the idea only because he made it seem like we were definately getting back together only thing i hated was he still wanted SEX and got angry that i did not agree so i started NC saying i give up and he said “wow. Okay.” SHOULD I BREAK NC TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY????

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:25 pm

No you shouldnt.

Sarah ann

February 4, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Hey chris, its come to the end of my nc i have tried everything your page has told me 30 days nc improving myself and he hasnt been in touch what so ever not even to see if im okay! He seems pretty happy without me which makes me feel worse could you please tell me what my next step is since he hasnt contacted me throughout nc and has a new girlfriend? Thank you

admin

February 5, 2014 at 6:29 pm

After NC you can casually reach out to him.

Mado

February 4, 2014 at 2:02 pm

hey!I really need your help!! my ex and I had arranged a trip which is in 3 weeks from now!I’ve only met him once last week in his House,we didn’t have the time to discuss very much about us but he kind of said that he’s not sure and that he needs time..Only before that I explained to him that I’m very anxious about this trip because my parents don’t know about it yet and he said he’d come to my House to meet them.he also introduced me to everyone as his gf…today we said that we’d meet to do sth together but he has disappeared all day.. I don’t know what should I do?I really want to go on this trip as a couple and continue to be couple after that. What should I say to him? is there any hope?

Mado

February 4, 2014 at 6:36 pm

please HELP! he just put me into friendzone again!he just keep saying that we can’t be together but wont explain why!he hasn’t reply to my last message, I wont send another one but I can’t do the NC rule again,the trip is in less than 20 days!! any ideas?

Anonymous

February 4, 2014 at 3:14 am

My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for 2 months we never fought or argued during out entire relationship. We were together for 5 months and he broke up with me because he goes to the naval academy and it was really hard to do that on top of a relationship. It was really stressful for him. We have had some arguments because of some miscommunication since then but nothing major. We’ve been great he helped out with a situation with one my friends and said that he would always be here for me if I needed anything. a couple days we had an argument and we’ve been going back and forth but finally we figured everything out. I asked him we were good and said yes. I brought up when he comes home if we can put everything behind and be good friends and hang out and said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and that he doesn’t want to be friends at all. So I was like so you don’t want me in your life at all, and I started to freak out because it was so hurtful that he said this and all of the sudden he doesn’t want me in his life at all. And he confused on why I’m bothered by it because we broke up 2 months ago. I would be bothered by it if we broke a year ago it’s still really hurtful. I don’t want to lose him. Please help me. I don’t know what to do

Anonymous

February 13, 2014 at 6:53 am

Hello? Please I really need your help

Ashley

February 4, 2014 at 3:13 am

Thanks for all the advice, Chris. I have felt a new empowerment after reading your posts, and have been strengthened. My boyfriend and I were dating for 8 months and broke up 1 1/2 weeks ago. We work together (I was hesitant to date a coworker at first, but then it just felt right) and were friends prior to dating. Things moved fast after the first few weeks, which usually freaks me out, but this time it didn’t. I felt at peace and it felt right. Within 4 months I moved in with him. He was the first to say that he loved me and he would be the first one to talk about our future together. I met all of his family (they live close), and would regularly go to family get togethers and get along great with his family. He also introduced me to his friends and I have gotten to know them well, especially his close friends. His close friends have become my close friends as well.

Fast forward to the when football season was in full swing. He started to drink more heavily and would sometime drive home drunk from the bar. A while later, I found evidence of cocaine. He felt terrible and apologized for his behavior and told me that he only uses cocaine if he drinks too much and it lifts him back up. He said that he would never use it again. Well, I found evidence of it again, and I told him that I will never have a boyfriend where I have to worry about him using getting drunk, using drugs, and driving under the influence. He apologized profusely for hurting me and for disappointing me. He said that he will prove himself to me. About 1 week later, he got drunk and used cocaine again. I kept my distance and a few days later, I asked him if we could have a talk. I asked him what he saw in the future between us, and he said that he didn’t know, which was different from anything he had said before. I started crying and he apologized for hurting me and told me that he feels terrible that he keeps hurting me, but he was going to continue with his behavior. I told him that I would keep getting hurt then. He said yes, then I asked if he would break up then, and he said ok, and that he still loved me. I left the room and cried for quite a while. I came back and asked him if he felt sad (he wasn’t crying) and he said that of course he feels bad, and I could see it in his eyes.

The next day I asked some of my close friends to hang out. They wanted to go to the bar that is familiar with them and my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend where I was going, and he was supposed to go to a party with some friends. Instead he showed up at the bar. When I saw him, I said that I didn’t want to see him, and my friends asked if I wanted to leave, but I said no. He sad not too far away and after a while, said hi. He chatted a little bit and then went home.

We kept our distance for the next couple of days and on the third night after our break up, I spent at a friend’s house. Then the next day I went over there before he got done with work as some of his/my close friends were there. We talked (they said my boyfriend was quiet and didn’t say much) and I lost track of time and my boyfriend came home. His friends suggested that I stay for dinner, and I did. They then suggested that I stay and watch a show. It put me in a good mood as it felt like old times. I then stayed away for a couple of days, and then on the weekend, I came over to pack the first part of my things. He and a friend were there. When the friend left the room for a bit, I asked him how he was doing and he said surviving, and he asked how I was doing. I said that I am surviving too. I then started crying and told him that he broke my heart. He started crying and said that he was sorry. I then left the room. A little while later, he then got a phone call to fix something at a friend’s house, so he left. I packed the first part of my stuff and have been staying at a townhouse where a friend has an extra room.

That was a couple of days ago and I haven’t seen him in a couple of days (I can try somewhat successfully to avoid him at work). It has been absolute hell as I want to see him. I am trying NC the best I can, but I do need to over and pick up my stuff (it will take a couple of more trips).

I still love him so much as I know that he has qualities that are extremely rare to find. Usually I start to get over a guy and accept that it is over in a week, but my heart is still 100% in the relationship.

A few questions:
1. What is his behavior saying?
2. Does he want to get back with me? Is there a chance?
3. How do I mix NC with getting my stuff? How should I approach getting my stuff?

Krissy

March 10, 2014 at 6:30 am

Your EX boyfriend has a substance abuse problem. He needs therapy, not a girlfriend willing to overlook his reckless behavior.

Shambi

February 3, 2014 at 10:01 pm

hi Chris
Its been 5-6 weeks since we broke up and ive spoken to him since 30 days no contact ( we agreed to not talk until i felt ready to be friends as he said he wanted to remain friends) the first conversation by text went well… but yesterdays i barely got more than 1 word out of him and I cant seem to be able to pave a path through to him. He doesnt seem to want to speak to me, or to speak to me much. I cant even imagine using these texts on him
what do i do??

admin

February 4, 2014 at 5:32 pm

Why can’t you text him after the NC?
Shambi

February 4, 2014 at 9:31 pm

Just these kinds of ‘good memory texts’ I just feel i would get an angry response imediately. I ran into his friend at the gym, who hasnt seen him since we broke up and he reckons he misses me but is being stubborn. We texted a couple of times, I attempted to bring p happier good memories ( he got me into NFL and i watched the superbowl, and said that it was a good memory watching it together last year) and he basically barely replied. He seems to have completely changed his lifestyle in the past month- after being told by his best friend i dont know what that could mean?

S

February 3, 2014 at 8:10 pm

I contacted him after 30 days using the “you’ll never believe what I just saw” text and he responded asking what I saw. I brought up something from a favorite show we use to watch together and he responded positively. We went back and fourth a little bit about it and then I said I was on my way out so had to go and he said “okay bye”. That was two days ago. Did I mess up by continuing the convo for a bit? Thank you.

admin

February 4, 2014 at 5:30 pm

I don’t think so. You may have to initiate again.

anon

February 3, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Ex broke up with me on 11th Jan. Was really bad falling out. Told me to leave him alone so I did till today then sent text saying that I had come across some old pics of us and remembered how much enjoyment we had at time. His reply text was “what part of leave me alone is alien concept to you? Now leave me alone”.

anon

February 5, 2014 at 9:01 am

Whats best thing for me to do? Do I do NC for lot longer?

tracy

February 3, 2014 at 3:18 pm

I need help.If I used no contact for three months and contact my ex boyfriend once every 30 days and he has ignored me three times so far,what can I do?
Marienn

February 3, 2014 at 2:39 am

So, let me tell you a resume of my story.
I dated a guy for almost two years. He was amusing and we have everything in comum.
But in the begin of last year he started to have some personal problems and started to isolate from everybody, including family, friends and me (his girlfriend). So I fight with him, asking for more attention and things got worst, until we decided to break up four or five months ago.
I continued loving him. And we kept contact.
In the beginning I was made and we kept fighting, but after a time I relaxed and decided that if I wanted to try again, I should change myself and care less for some things about him.
So things got way better, but I was suffering: I did not knew if he still had some kind of feeling for me.
When we talked, we play a lot with each other. He likes to make me jealous and I the only person he trust to tell about his fears and plans (he is REALLY closed).
Anyway, to test how his feelings about me, I started to ignore him. At first he sent me a cool link through Facebook, and them, two days later, he sent me a music he made, and on the next day he say he could help me with my college productions, doing the sound and other stuff. On the same day, he asked me if I wanted to know how was his first day at college. So I called him and we talked for like and hour.
Now, he talks with me almost every day. Anything that happens, anything he sees on Internet, or in collie he sends me or come to talk about.
That made me believe that he still really likes me… It grew my hopes, you know. And I wanna give another step. I really want him back and I though about asking him out (he’s college is really close to mine, so he is daily near me). My doubt is if I should wait him to ask me out, or I should ask him.
Thanks, I’m waiting for your opinion.

admin

February 3, 2014 at 6:07 pm

Well, usually its supposed to be the guy that asks the girl out but there is no harm at dropping some hints to get him to try to ask you.
Marienn

February 4, 2014 at 1:03 am

I think I got it… Do you have any kind of suggestion? Don’t wanna look like desperate, you know.
And thanks a lot for answering me!

Gemma

February 2, 2014 at 11:59 pm

Hi Chris

My boyfriend broke up with me a months ago. He said he wanted nothing to do with me. I done 2 weeks of non contact but I found out he kisses someone else last night. As I thought it was defo over for good I took it as my chance to move of and talk to someone else. Unbeknown to be he had my Facebook logged into his computer and was reading what I said. It was nothing bad nor was it flirty. But he got really angry and me and started texting me saying everything I had done with him and said to him in out relationship was a lie. What do I do? And do you think he still cares?
Nicole S.

February 2, 2014 at 4:59 am

I just finished 60 days of nc today & made the first contact with my ex. Our conversation went pretty well for the most part. He was engaged in the conversation. We talked for about 5 hours off & on, due to my slow replies. I ended the conversation after I asked him what he was doing for his birthday next week. One of the things he said he’s doing is going on a date. (I really don’t want that to happen & I really hope it’s not true. I saw your post about how guys lie about other women.) Anyways I was planning on talking to him again in about 3 days. I don’t know if it makes a difference, but I did break up with him. Then a week later I tried to get back with him & then got mad when he didn’t agree.

Please answer those 2 questions!
*How can I get him to reconsider us again?
*Do you think he lied about the date to see how I would react?

Thanks!

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Well, he seems upset that you broke up with him in the first place.

He is probably wondering “why wasn’t I good enough a week ago?”
Nicole S.

February 2, 2014 at 9:06 pm

Do you think he’s still upset with me now, two months later?

Can you please answer the question above AFTER reading what I said below?

Last month he tagged me, my mom, his close & extended family (only women were included btw) in this status that was about him being thankful for all of these women that are in his life & he had realized what’s important to him, which is his family (the women he tagged in the post).

Lauren

February 2, 2014 at 2:02 am

My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. We’re freshmen in high school. About two weeks after we broke up he started dating another girl who’s a Junior. This girl has been all over him since the beginning of the year.He told one of my friends about two weeks, that he originally wanted it to work out between us but there was just to much drama and then the Junior wanted to date so he did that. I think the Junior is just a rebound. I worked on the drama part and I fixed a lot of things relating to our relationship. We broke up because I started getting sad, I have seasonal depression. About three weeks ago I was put in the hospital for this issue. I was there for about week. Before I went in he would talk to me and even make jokes with me. When I didn’t show up for my midterms he asked some of my friends about me. This past Monday on our last day of midterms he told one of my friends he thought I was in the hospital. Then when I came back he started acting really weird around me. He won’t talk to me and I can tell he feels uncomfortable around me. He’s the only person that knows I was there and is treating me differently.I think he feels guilty. I’m working on myself and I really have gotten better. The hospital changed my life. I know I need to be happy on my own before I can be happy with someone else, and I am now. I really miss him. I hate how he ignores me now. What do I do? Please help me.

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:44 pm

I agree that you should be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.

Have you attempted a NC yet?
Lauren

February 3, 2014 at 9:59 pm

We haven’t talked in three weeks. I think it was a much needed break. I haven’t texted him or called him in over over a month. He’s the first boy I’ve ever loved I don’t want to give up on that. When I wasn’t bad the relationship was good. What should I do from here?
Lauren

February 2, 2014 at 2:06 am

Oh and we were dating for about three months

anon - PLEASE reply

February 2, 2014 at 1:21 am

So I was in this relationship with my ex for a few months but it was never really official because I was never certain and wasn’t ready for a relationship. We were still together and everything but we’re in school still and we weren’t really allowed to meet up during the term which made it really hard. I ended it because I didn’t want to hurt him because I knew he wanted a relationship and I didn’t yet yet he asked me numerous times if we could get back together and I kept saying no.

We went on summer holidays, he asked again at the start and I said no yet again because I still wasn’t ready but he knew I still had feelings for him and by the end of the holidays we lost contact.. I text him telling him I still had feelings for him and a few days ago we spoke at school and he told me that he doesn’t want anything, just a friendship and I am pretty sure he has a thing with another girl now..

I don’t know what to do because I feel like no contact will be a) hard because of school and b) i’m scared that he will forget about me like that entirely and his thing with this new girl will turn into something real??

HELP ME PLEASE

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Do you feel the connection between the two of you was extremely strong.
anon - PLEASE reply

February 3, 2014 at 7:38 am

Yes I feel like it was extremely strong

I just wasn’t ready and overwhelmed at the time

What should I do?

Sophia

February 1, 2014 at 5:12 am

O god, where do I start? So I did what you said, lead him on and eventually texs me and tells me that he realized that I was perfect for h and asked for anither chance. I agreed and told h we had to have a talk face to face b4 we get back officially. So set a date for monday after my class. So I call no answee, I get a call back he explained be was tired so I cracked a joke n said goodnight. Right after he texts me that he can’t do this n I should move on, so I called him nack. He tells me t hat hne still loves his cuee ently ex girlfriend, I flipped n hung up. And texted him, telling him that I hated him n that I actually loved him, he calls nack but I answred him n told him to just delete my nmber eveything… crying n hurt, I dont think I want him back, but how can I move I on?
sandra

January 31, 2014 at 8:46 pm

Do i have a chance?

admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Sure you have a chance.
sandra

February 3, 2014 at 5:41 pm

everything is going on well , i made him jealous we flirted together yesterday and he said i was really funny , the memory i chose wasn’t bad he even wanted to remake it but i’m not so sure if he really is interested , i’m the one who initiates the contact all th time ( texting )but when we meet in person he always says hi first and sometimes he engages the conversation .. but i want him to be even more interesting we’ve been talking almost everyday a bit and yesteday’s conversation was obviously longer , so shall i now take a little break and let him talk first or just wait a little then talk again ( u said take it slow ) ?
thank you in advance

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8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”