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Donna
February 15, 2014 at 5:48 pm
Can a guy leave a girl whom he loves the most and introduced his parents as his love, but not getting sex from her and in a LDR? How to win him back if he says he guess relationship over and says may be he will be back but dont wanna give false hopes.
He want to remain friends, liked pics on facebook, wished birthday and cried over phone saying I am sorry I ruined your birthday, texted only once asking hey how are you?
What are these signals? Should I follow 60 days NCR instead of 30 because he really controls his emotions when he is away??
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:08 pm
Have you read my LDR guide?
Kate
February 15, 2014 at 2:55 pm
Hi Chris,
I was with my ex for about 3 months. We were great but I made some mistakes of my own fault like some jealousy and not trusting because he’s very attractive. I know my faults and what I shouldn’t have done. But in the last month or so he kept overthinking those and couldn’t get them out of his head in regards to us. He broke up with me and said he lost that spark and feeling for me, he didn’t know why he couldn’t get that out of his head. He said maybe he shouldn’t be in a relationship right now because he hasn’t had to deal with someone’s emotions for about 3 years. He had dated girls but I was the first gf he had, others casually dated him and he wanted more with them but they did him wrong by cheating.
While breaking up he said he wanted to remain talking and in good terms. I unfortunately didn’t know about the No Contact and we talked on and off for a few weeks after. A little flirting but not much, andante I wasn’t the best texter. Then he went on a snow trip about a week ago where he had no barely any service and he met a girl there. I saw pictures of them together al
Kate
February 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm
Sorry it cut off. He just met the girl there and since then he’s not really talked to me at all, given me the cold shoulder I’m sure because she’s fun and carefree and new. All of which I know guys look for and what he lost with me.
Do you think that the no contact starting now would work and do I have a realistic opportunity to get him back? I do want it for the right reasons but what should I do?
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:39 pm
I think it can’t hurt at all.
Kat
February 17, 2014 at 9:29 am
Hard thing was that I know he had her over for valentines day, and so clearly even though we had talked on and off during that week it didn’t do anything. He texted me valentines day at like 11am and then I texted him at 1:30. Then he actually texted me at around 8:30pm, I texted back at 10 at night then heard nothing back.
The next day I decided to start the NC. He texted me 2 times in the afternoon and I never responded. I have yet to. The second text he sent me was one saying that he looked at his one app and it didn’t show I was following him. It’s a fitness app that before he met her he told me I should follow him on there so I did. He never followed me back, so I unfollowed him on valentines and the next day he added that as a second text acting like he was just getting around to finding me on there (hours after I deleted him).
Do I run the risk of him not missing me because his thing with her is so new and he’s going to think, oh well- I have this new awesome girl who’s carefree, attractive and fun of I still do the NC?
Does it seem like he’s trying to have me as a friend and moved on fast to her because I did come off right after the break up as easy going about it and told him maybe we’d get a chance again in the future if meant to, then talked as friendly?
I’d really appreciate your thoughts and response on this. I can read guys fairly well I think but you’re a guy and would know much better obviously lol.
Julia
February 14, 2014 at 7:06 pm
Hey Chris. My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago, and its been just over 30 days of no contact. We dated for about 5 months, but spent a few months before that developing a really close friendship. Everything seemed great. On new years eve we were making plans for this year and even talked about taking a vacation with his kids (a vacation he had mentioned wanting to take right before he asked me out, saying that maybe he’d have a gf by then who would want to go…meaning me). Then all of a sudden a week later he breaks up with me telling me he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, that they have been disappearing for the last couple of months and he feels like we’ve been more like friends, and he had just been too afraid to hurt my feelings. That I need to move on. That once he’s been with someone and he puts them in the friend zone, they don’t come out and he doesn’t try it again. Yet in the month preceding that, he took me out for my birthday twice, (my first and second hockey game ever–something he loves to do and I wanted to get into–we even talked about buying season tickets the next year for us and the kids), gave me flowers, bought me a really expensive, extremely thoughtful Christmas gift, and said the words “Of course I like you and want to be with you, if I didn’t want to be with you we wouldn’t be together because I never do anything I don’t want to do, so stop being crazy,” when I had asked him if he was starting to lose interest because we hadn’t been spending as much time together and it didn’t seem to bother him. I had thought he might have been pulling away, but because of that answer, I chalked it up to him going through some stuff related to a surgery he recently had and some other things with his ex, as well as trying to keep me from letting my school work slip because of him. A few nights before New Years even we were hanging out and every time I said I was going to go home, he stopped me because he wanted to spend time with me (his words, not mine). I was there until 2 in the morning just talking. I just don’t understand what happened, and I don’t know if this getting him back plan is going to work. But I had a feeling our whole relationship that it was just right. Being together was just easy and it felt right. At least to me. It felt effortless. Sure we had arguments, but who doesn’t? I know it was a really new relationship, but I knew even before we started officially dating that this was the person I wanted to be with, and that if we ever dated, that that was it. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and his wonderful children. I’m so sad and so lost without my best friend. I’m so heartbroken without the three kids that I thought I was going to watch grow up, who I loved more than anything. This whole thing just feels so wrong. I didn’t ask for much, just to feel needed and wanted, and to be given attention (and by attention, I meant the sometimes random texting during the day, the nightly phone call where he would fall asleep to my “bad stories”, and getting to see him at least a few times a week). Things he gave me (for the most part), up until the end. And honestly, everything he asked for I gave him without hesitation…so I don’t know what was wrong. I have no idea. I know he said that he was taking our relationship extremely slow because of how hurt he had gotten in the past, that it wasn’t super serious for him yet, but it was serious for me and I was very content waiting for him to catch up. Anytime we talked about the kind of house we wanted, where we would live if things worked out, any long-term plans at all, it was him that usually brought them up. And for the most part, we wanted the same things for our lives. I worry sometimes that he may not have been over his ex wife, and upcoming things that had to do with her might have been part of the problem. But when he cut it off with me, he was pretty cold. He told me to leave him alone or he’d block me from his phone, that he didn’t want to deal with this. He blocked me from FB, although he said that was because it was better for both of us not to see what the other was up to (which I grudgingly agree with). But he gave me no information. He only said that I deserve someone that can give me everything I want, but that that person isn’t and never will be him. That I’m a very beautiful girl and there’s no doubt in his mind that I’ll find that person. And one day he’ll find the right person, it just might take awhile for him. But that it’s not me. I don’t know what to think or believe. I guess I have two questions:
1) Do you think I even have a shot, and 2) If he does respond and we do meet up and things progress, when do I try and bring up the bad stuff, (like the questions I have about whether or not some of the things he told me were true–being over the ex, stuff about what was happening with her at court, or any other dishonesty, as well as anything bad I did or he felt I did) so that we can talk through it and start fresh? When do I get to find out what the heck happened, and what his real reasons were for breaking up with me? Did he lead me on for the last few months, or was the breakup a lie? I know that it wasn’t all my fault, but I have no clue as to what I did to add to this, so I have no idea what to do differently in the future…if there is one.
I’m sorry for such a long post. Please (anyone) let me know what you think.
admin
February 15, 2014 at 1:41 am
No problem for it being long.
I think you have a shot but obviously it isn’t going to be easy. The question I guess you have to ask yourself is how bad do you want him back?
Julia
February 15, 2014 at 2:15 pm
More than anything.
Bre
February 14, 2014 at 6:49 pm
Today i asked my ex would he like his things back before i throw them out he’s been ignoring me for a little over a week now so i got angey and texted him “being nice gets you nowhere f^** you and your things” he then responded “i gave you all of that stuff, i don’t want any of it back” is this a good thing?
admin
February 15, 2014 at 1:40 am
How bad was your breakup?
Bre
February 15, 2014 at 6:37 am
OH GOSH CHRIS PLEASE REPLY this is the first time i ever told the whole story it makes me really upset but… In my opinion really bad it was on christmas day i spent the day crying cause he was late to my family dinner and his mom bought him the same boots i got him though it was a different color i still made a big fuss about it everytime we argued i would always hang up and ignore him for awhile he would call me nonstop begging for my forgiveness samething happened on christmas about the boots he said i was being so selfish but i tried to explain to him that i wanted my gifts and our first christmas to be special, he didnt understand.. he’s a mommas boy his mom and him were sharing a car at the time i felt as though if he really wanted to get there on time he wouldve but he said he had to take his mom to his grandmother house first because of my bitching and crying he got his mom to catch a cab.. By this time i cursed him out crying telling him i don’t want him to come at all he arrived an hour later i was in my room crying he came in and tried to hug me but i backed away i told him i was done i couldnt take his relationship w/ his mom and him being such a mommas boy and i want to go our seperate ways he asked about all the time and words i said he asked was it all i lie i told him no but i can’t be w/ him anymore he said ok and opened up my hand gave me a promise ring and walked out i panicked i cried i heard his car pull off so i called him i could barely talk cause i was crying so much he asked what did i want him to do i told him come back he said ok he did we exchanged gifts and the ring was too big the boots he got me was too big and the pants he got me was too big as well.. Later that night i tried to explain to him that because everything was too big i felt like i didnt get anything but i guess i said it all wrong he blew up even called me a bitch ( he was a really good guy a couple of times he put his hands on me though) he pushed me out of his car that night saying its over i called him again crying my eyes out we got back together but a week later we broke up nothing was the same he said i hurt him he changed he stopped caring and things been messed up ever since… I cry everynight i don’t understand why he broke up over that i feel like its something else but he won’t talk to me
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:23 pm
Do you think he is worth it?
Bre
February 15, 2014 at 6:32 pm
In my heart.. Yes cause nobodys perfect but he can be SUCH a good man to me i just wish i could get him back to how he was..
Bre
February 15, 2014 at 6:19 pm
The story makes me cry so hard it makes me feel so bad like it was all my fault my mom family and close friends and i think even his mom knows better, he was bipolar and we argued DAILY which resulted in him not hitting me but mushing my head sometimes one time he mushed it so hard it slammed into a wall i could feel my head throbbing he begged for forgiveness though, he was also somewhat controlling i couldn’t have any guy friends and the whole relationship was based off my ex we had several fights cause my ex still called/texted me and my family though i wasn’t answering he thought i was one time i even slipped up and called him my ex name but it was only cause we was JUST talking about him, he still didn’t leave though we actually ended that night w/ him wiping my tears and him singing to me… I let my guard down w/ him he made me feel so loved and wanted now everythings GONE my heart skips beats and i often lose my appeiteite i feel pathetic i want to try NC but i did it in a week and NO sign of him i begged texted called him no reply i think i should just move on idk
Eas
February 14, 2014 at 2:32 am
Ex and I of 4 years broke up 2.5 months ago. He is living in Europe till May on an exchange program (one of the reasons we ended things..he was freaking out about settling down and wanted time to “figure things out” even though I was “the best he was ever going to get). He contacted me after 3 weeks of NC I didn’t reply for couple days. We have been in contact here and there but our response rates are long (he takes 3-4 days to respond I take a week or more). Our messages are breezy, friendly. I’m short, to the point and neutral. He tells me a bit about his exchange, congratulates me on my successes he’s seen posted on my facebook, asks how my family is, how my life is and tells me to keep him posted. I guess i’m just very confused. When we ended things he said I don’t want to take us off the table, but I dont want to keep your hopes up. He wants to be able to keep in touch and keep eachother posted on cool things that happen? I don’t want to ruin a chance of us getting back together but I’m worried i’m making myself too available. Is he contacting me because he’s trying to be friendly/nice and offer an olive branch for how bad he hurt me? Is he trying to keep me around till he’s back? The last message he sent (almost a week ago) he asked about my family and some future work things im figuring out..do I reply? I feel weird ignoring. Or do I send a short reply and end the conversation? and go back To NC? Whats the protocol when the guy is living away?!
Eas
February 20, 2014 at 9:26 pm
I sent a reply a week later to end the conversation, and he messaged me again kind of asking another question. I dont know how to deal with this? I don’t want to be friend zoned, im trying not to respond at all but I end up caving and responding.
Bre
February 14, 2014 at 1:47 am
We broke up a little over a month ago after going back and forth saying he don’t want to lose me he loves me, we never know what tomorrow may bring i told him i didn’t want to be confused and unhappy we were still having sex but he just didn’t want to be w/ me anymore so i told him i give up and if he loves me he’ll come around we didn’t talk for a couple days then i texted him happy birthday he responded saying thanks then the next day i caved i called him he answered and hung up immediately i gnat texted him saying i love him i’m sorry i called i just wanted to tell him i love him and i was gonna start therapy he never responded, i waited a week still got nothing i then caved again calling and gnat texting just asking for closure i even texted his mom still nothing.. I want to end this for good i am tired of this heartache and i want to get over him i know he won’t respond to my texts but i want to give him back his clothes he gave me and his playstation 3 he gave to me that i haven’t touched since the breakup.. Should i just bring it by his house or mail it or just throw it out he told me awhile ago he didn’t want anything he gave to me but i don’t want to keep anything that reminds me of him.. Do you think i have a chance or should i just learn from my mistakes (begging/calling) and move on?
Eas
February 14, 2014 at 3:54 am
do not contact him anymore, you are doing exactly what he’s expecting you to do and it’s feeding into his ego.
No more calls, messages, texts nothing. I know that sounds painful and impossible but I promise it’s possible. Once you disappear they will start to wonder where you are (I swear it’s text book) Do nothing with his clothes and play station yet. Focus on yourself and make your brain think about you and your needs (I bet you haven’t thought about that for a while) Just give yourself a mental break and some space.
Bre
February 15, 2014 at 6:42 am
Thanks so much i’ve been crying a lot almost everynight, when i cry i feel so low and hopeless i start to down myself and it feels like i’m going backwards i almost called again i just really want to start over a fresh start with him we moved fast never got a chance to be friends first i wish we could do exactly that but you know he’s kinda acting like i don’t even exist you’re right i never think of me i am suppose to start therapy soon, i’ve bought a journal and jewelry and clothes for myself for valentines i want to be at peace but i can’t get away from those thoughts
Sara
February 13, 2014 at 8:19 pm
He broke up with me 2 month ago, and I’ve been doing NC for 15 days. I am leaving the country for good in 7 days and I’ll be abroad for at least 1 year. I still want him back and I want to work things out. My question is, since I’m leaving the country soon, should I break No Contact sooner to say goodbye in person and leave on good terms?
Thanks
Sara
Rebecca
February 13, 2014 at 6:36 pm
Anyone else dreading valentines day? It will be my tenth day of no contact (I’ve never got past the ten day mark). It would also have been our 1 year anniversary since he whisked me off on a suprise trip to Paris and told me he was in love with me. I’m determined not to break NC but if he doesn’t contact me on valentines then I’ll feel pretty hopeless.
admin
February 14, 2014 at 3:25 am
Valentines day is tough isn’t it.
A lot of people are.
Claire
February 13, 2014 at 4:31 am
Hey guys please help:(
My boyfriend broke off with me a week ago.. We have been together for 4 years. along the way we have small arguements here and there but it was nothing huge. Recently he stopped calling me and would always ignore my text messages. I tried begging him and everything but he told me that his mind has been made up and would not hesistate to change his cellphone number if i were to harrass him again. He told me i was too clingy and he was bored of this relationship. Today is the second day of NC and i was wondering do i still have a chance to win him back? :'( he seemed to have already moved on, his friends told me that he is moving on well and he even asked them out to the club this coming weekend. Has he moved on? Do i still stand a chance to get him back?:( please help:(
Claire
February 13, 2014 at 3:45 pm
Please help! 🙁
Lina
February 12, 2014 at 2:41 pm
PLEASE HELP! my ex and I had arranged a trip which is in 10 DAYS!I’ve only met him once since we started taking again in his house,and he kind of said that he’s not sure about us but introduced me to everyone as his gf.Last tuesday I asked him to go out and discuss and then he just put me into friendzone again!he just keep saying that we can’t be together but wont explain why!I didn’t send another message ever since but I can’t do the NC rule again,the trip is soon and I want to be a couple on this trip not friends..what can I do now? follow the plan from the beggining or be honest? What do you think it’s the best thing to do so I wont screw things?
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:53 pm
I guess you should jump ahead and try to build attraction right now.
Lina
February 13, 2014 at 2:23 pm
How can I do that?it’s been more than a week now and he hasn’t contact me..What should the First contact message look like and how can I build attraction if I can’t engage him in the convo??
Lina
February 14, 2014 at 3:44 pm
please answer..I’m really afraid of screwing things..
admin
February 14, 2014 at 6:57 pm
What do you need an answer on?
Lina
February 15, 2014 at 12:31 pm
how can I build attraction if I can’t engage him in the convo??or if he doesn’t want to talk?
Lina
February 16, 2014 at 6:24 pm
I texted him but he didn’t reply.. What can I do now? leave him a couple of days or try again? please I’m loosing hope!
Ange
February 12, 2014 at 7:58 am
Hi Chris
I’ve been texting my ex and he writes back brief but polite responses. Is there any chance he’s showing my texts to his family and laughing, saying “she’s trying to get me back but gonna FAIL!” and do guys ever reply out of pity or to be polite?
Ange
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:41 pm
I wouldn’t EVER do that.
Bre
February 12, 2014 at 5:01 am
Just curious.. Do you know of any women that sucessfully got their ex back who’s ex didn’t reach out to them during the whole NC? Cause i’m feeling like if he hasn’t tried contacted me in a whole 30 days i should definately give up…
admin
February 12, 2014 at 7:39 pm
PLENTY!!
Pam
February 11, 2014 at 4:47 pm
Hello Chris,
I had been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and we started living together almost a year ago. He recently broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had what I thought was a really good relationship. He never cheated on me but since a year ago he started to not tell me the truth at where he was and that had caused me to not trust him as much as I had in the past. The the day he broke up with me I confronted him because he was supposed to be somewhere and he was somewhere completely different. Almost all his friends are girls and so I would get jealous many times even though I trusted him he would never do anything with them. Anyway, He broke up with me and he said the reason was that he wasn’t ready to move in together just yet and that the pressure of marriage was too much. I also feel like me being jealous was also a problem and him not thinking I trust him and me getting on his case on what was going on. He stopped communicating with me months ago. Whenever I asked how he was or if something was wrong, he would always say nothing. He said that he didn’t want to work things out and that it was completely over. We haven’t talked about our relationship for almost 2 weeks now. We live together still because we cannot afford to move out yet. He was talked a little bit about the pets and family members but that it is. Our lease ends in 2 months. I want him back so much because we really had a great relationship and we always had a great fun time together. He both really loved each other. We had so many plans for our future and he just broke up with me out of the blue. Also, he never talked to anyone about what he was feeling. He never talked to his friends or family about how he felt. When I asked him about other stuff he really doesn’t like his job or the people he works with, he is having a really difficult time in school with hard classes, and money has always been a problem. So he is full of stress.
Now, he is always texting some and snap chatting with people and he acts as though nothing happened. He doesn’t look at me most times and there is no talk of anything that matters. He acts like he doesn’t miss me or regret breaking up with me. How do I get him to miss me and want me back since we still live together and still see each other regularly? We had almost 6 years together and how could someone just throw it all away without trying to work things through?
Thank you,
Pam
Min
February 11, 2014 at 2:27 am
Hi Chris,
Curious… how should the First Contact, Good Times, Jealousy, Heart to Heart and The Risk be spaced out? Are we talking about a minimum of 1 week per step or is there no rule (just depends on his responses)? Basically, assuming the responses are good, is going from first contact to meeting up within a week or 2 weeks too soon?
Thanks for being adorable 🙂 honest, and helpful.
admin
February 11, 2014 at 6:10 pm
That can be a complicated question. The best way to work them in is in an already existing conversation.
Once you have him hooked and responding to your text messages you can slip them in. But you want to do them a day or two apart.
Liz
February 10, 2014 at 5:25 pm
Well I tried everything I could and it did not work out. We were friends and messaged each other every now and then and finally I asked if we could talk. I wanted to set the record straight. I got my answer. He only wants to be friends. He said he still loves me but he’s not in love with me anymore. He also said that not only does he not want a relationship with me, he’s not interested in a relationship at all right now. I asked him to tell me that it was completely done and no chance of him feeling the same way for me but he said he couldn’t promise me that. He can’t say what the future holds, if he’d feel the same way for me again or not but he doesn’t want me to have hope or to wait for him in any way. He wants me to move on. I feel bad that I made him emotional and he cried the entire time. I never shed a tear in his presence. We agreed that being friends was good but it seems that talking about anything emotional is too much for him because he was desperate to leave after that.
My question for you is, since I failed with this entire program, what do I do to move on yet still stay friends with him? Is it possible to move on from my ex boyfriend but still be friends?
Thank you for all your help
Liz
February 10, 2014 at 5:41 pm
Sorry I just realized you have a guide on that already. I’m a bit lost. I don’t want to move on, I want him back still but I’m going to force myself to move on. Hearing that he’s no longer in love with me, is just the nail in the coffin and I need to stop being in love with him as well. I didn’t expect to feel this emptiness, that’s what I find surprising. I expected to feel sad and heartbroken all over again but the emptiness is worse. At least before I had the aim to try to get him back or some anger gave me purpose but now that’s all gone. It sucks. Lol. Yeah, I’m laughing at myself.
Nicole
February 10, 2014 at 7:17 am
Hi Chris! I’m currently doing the NC rule and on my 5th day, well it’s hard. I mean I know I won’t crack but I still keep checking my phone to see if he’s texted or called. Anyway, just yeaterday my ex texted my mom. He asked about me and literally vented out the things he doesn’t like about me. He said that I have the problem, that I could not see past the cheating (he kinda cheated around 5x during the 2 year relationship) he claims to have been faithful for the last six months we’re together. He said that I have to fix myself before we can fix us. He has not contacted me but he contacted my mom. I’m just confused. He keeps saying he wants things to get fixed but I need to fix myself, what the hell does he want? It’s not like he’s still showing interest and that drives me crazy. I mean why cant he ever mean what he says and says what he means? What does he mean?
G
February 12, 2014 at 2:54 am
Why would you want to be with someone who habitually cheated on you, and who doesn’t show enough interest in you to talk to you instead of your mom about the relationship? Why would you even be open to being with a cheater who blames you?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:53 pm
5 days wohooo!!!
Maybe he is just frightened to open up and leave himself vulnerable.
Jenn
February 10, 2014 at 2:34 am
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday. He said he came to realize that the last two weeks were really hard and that he needs to focus on himself. He said I’m great and he just doesn’t want to have to worry about me (right now – I think he said). We were together for 6 months and we’re both in college. It’s on and off long distance- we only saw each other when I would go home and he would have time. I’m unsure this process will work to win him back. Though, I don’t want to just sit here and not get him back or at least not try something. I just need some advice… I really feel lost and don’t know what to do.
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:31 pm
I actually wrote something for long distance couples.
Jade
February 10, 2014 at 1:54 am
Hello Chris,
I was wondering, is it okay to proceed with the first contact messages (it has to be either email or facebook [which he currently has me blocked on]) even if he’s still in a (what I believe to be) rebound relationship after the 30 days no contact?
I know a lot of the time people are against messaging their ex if they’re in a new relationship. Also we don’t live in the same city anymore as I had to move after our breakup happened (he lives an hour away and it’s fairly easy for me to catch a train there)
how will that affect this?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 6:31 pm
I believe it’s ok as long as you don’t get too emotional.
jaq
February 9, 2014 at 9:07 pm
my bf recently broke up with me and I beg him not to but he insisted 🙁 he told that he just wanted to have sometime alone without thinking of anyone but he said he still loves me and still visiting my fb profile from time to time. He also said that when hes back on track and ready to commit again he will go back to me. Ps:he wanted us to remain friends for now. Advice please thank you :’)
anon
February 9, 2014 at 7:53 pm
More I tried to explain my reasons for giving that earlier comment, angrier he got till he had me pinned against wall then stormed out telling me to leave him alone so I did till 3rd Feb then sent positive text reminding him of good experience we once had together. His reply was “what aspect of leave me alone is alien concept to you? Now leave me alone”. I sent text saying that I understand, hope we can be friends in future and apologised for 11th. Didnt get reply till last Fri when he sent text saying “What do you mean friends? What do you hope to gain from us being friends?”. I replied “to start off as friends and slowly rebuild what we once had, to wipe slate clean and have fresh start”. His reply was then “Well Im sorry but theres no way back for me. Ive quit. Im not opening my heart again to have it ripped up and spat on again”. I then asked if we could then end it peacefully and amicably and his reply was “what do you mean? You want to meet up”?
anon
February 9, 2014 at 7:55 pm
Oops.. (Missed out 1st part of my situation). Had nightmare of falling out with my ex (were in long distance relationship) on 11th Jan.. Hes already living with someone tho he was talking about leaving to be with me. Visit started off with him saying that he was sorry that we couldnt meet up on 21st Dec as previously arranged as she was in hospital then he was with his back injury as he had stopped taking his strong painkillers (from when he was attacked years ago before I met him) which is getting worse which isnt helping him with jobhunting (was made redundant from his previous job last Jul) so he could end up in wheelchair and hes got no stress relief at home as he had to sell his console and games cos of finances. I said that hes still got me and his reply was that I wasnt there with him. While we were being intimate he asked me if I was on pill and I replied that I wasnt and its unlikely for me to conceive with only meeting up once each month (Ive told him that several times last year tho each time his reply was him asking me if I was giving up and I said I wasnt, just that to have good chance of that happening, we would already need to be living together and be trying almost every day to which he replied that as soon as he paid off his rent arrears, he would then find somewhere, like f/f bedsit inc all bills then we could move in together). This time on 11th Jan, he didnt react to my reply so I thought nothing more of it. He then went on to say that his own family (as he was adopted) wont talk to him, so he spent last 10 years building up online game clan and p/ball squad to become surrogate family and his brothers in arms, that his squad kept asking him when he would return to play with them and he said he couldnt cos of finances and his worsening back injury so online clan would have been backup tho now he hasnt got them cos of already having to sell his console and games due to finances. I said again that hes still got me and he now said that he hasnt cos of my earlier comment (about being unlikely to conceive with only meeting up once each month). This was when he then said that hes now come off anti depressants (as far as I knew he was still on them which could have been one reason why we werent having any luck), thats he been through hell to come off them then I take that one last bit of hope away from him by that comment. I said that I meant “its unlikely for me to conceive with only meeting up once each month, without help). His reply was that wasnt what I said earlier and now Im backpedalling and trying to cover my back. He then wanted to know if I was giving up or giving him false hope (I had already told him last year that I dont know if Im able to conceive as local doctor wont refer me for relevant tests as Im not officially living with guy). He then said he was waiting for me to take back that comment or add to it (tho Ive already done that which didnt help). I knew by now that whichever answer I gave wouldnt have made any difference so I said false hope to which he replied thats as bad as lying. More I tried to explain my reasons for giving that earlier comment, angrier he got till he had me pinned against wall then stormed out telling me to leave him alone so I did till 3rd Feb then sent positive text reminding him of good experience we once had together. His reply was “what aspect of leave me alone is alien concept to you? Now leave me alone”. I sent text saying that I understand, hope we can be friends in future and apologised for 11th. Didnt get reply till last Fri when he sent text saying “What do you mean friends? What do you hope to gain from us being friends?”. I replied “to start off as friends and slowly rebuild what we once had, to wipe slate clean and have fresh start”. His reply was then “Well Im sorry but theres no way back for me. Ive quit. Im not opening my heart again to have it ripped up and spat on again”. I then asked if we could then end it peacefully and amicably and his reply was “what do you mean? You want to meet up”?
anon
February 13, 2014 at 4:22 am
Agreed 3 days ago to meet up next Sat (22nd) tho then even his texts were cold and distant, no warmth at all and that last text of his started with “no more contact”. Whats best thing to do?
anon
February 15, 2014 at 1:04 pm
Please could anyone give me some advice as to what I should now do?
anon
February 12, 2014 at 9:11 pm
Agreed 2 days ago to meet up next Sat (22nd) tho even then his texts were very cold, distant and unfriendly.. no warmth there at all.. Whats best thing to do?