The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

ZD

February 22, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hello Amor & Chris 🙂
I wanted to write on my previous comment but I couldn’t find it, so I am not going to tell you the whole story again ..I’ll just say that it’s been five months now since we broke up…I’ve done the silliest thing ever to try to kill myself. I went back to my country for few weeks and I have not contacted my ex since 2nd of Jan. When I got back in London our best friend Angelina told me that he is very depressed and he stopped going to the gym, didn’t finish his driving lessons, he only works and sleeps and she said that he keeps telling her that he never gonna married and have children, that he can’t get in to a relationship because he will drag down every women who is with him, also that he does not have any regrets that he broke up with me because he believes that I am going to be happier without him. Anyway 5 months ago he broke up with me with the words: ‘we have the right to be happy’ but 5 months later we are both depressed and we see the future in dark colours, we both believe that we won’t have families and etc. We are not friends at Facebook and I couldn’t see what he is posting and blah blah everything was private and only his friends can see, but from a week or so everything on his wall is public so I can see everything and he has a quote on his cover photo saying: ‘People always choose the wrong person first and when the right one come, they don’t believe in people any more…’. I have another very best friend and my ex never liked her a lot ,just had a respect for her but they’ve never been a really friends and since we broke up they never had any kind of contact, but again when I come back from my holiday my friend show me a post on his wall (which again was public) saying ‘from 122kg now I am down to 90kg…feeling proud’ and she showed me her comment saying: ‘Don’t believe you I want a pic to see it…well done you!’ My friend told me that he privet messaged her instantly and sent her a pic, they were chatting about body weight and etc. when my friend asked hem how he is, his reply was that he is not fine and then my friend asked him: ‘Show I keep asking or ..?’ and his answer were don’t ask me someday when we see I will tell you… OK I am really sorry for the long comment, but can you explain me what is that??? Ok the friend to whom he is telling everything about his condition is both of us very good friend and it’s ok , he might think that she won’t tell me, but what about my best friend the other girl?! He definitely knows that she will tell me everything to the bit… so what is that? We both know for each other feelings and life from common friends and both of us keep complaining how miserable we are and blah blah I am honestly very confused….. why on Earth if he does not love me any more and does not wants me back.. he wants me to know that he is miserable and depressed? What should I text him? How should I react after all? Amor your last idea for text were to say thank you and that I am recovered from the accident and to say sorry as well and just to ask him how he is. I don’t get anything, I red your books and guidances and still I am completely lost and don’t know how to act.

ZD

February 24, 2016 at 7:15 pm

Amor, I’ve made a decision! I am not going to text him! If I send him this text above he will think of me as needy and looking for some opportunity to text him.I have dignity and I can’t let that happen. In a week or so I’ll just PM him in Facebook to ask him how is he and when he can give me back my tablet (which btw is with him since we broke up but I don’t need it) also he still has some docs with me which I need to send him or whatever. We have a lots of common friends and we both are invited on same wedding, sooo we will meet up anyway someday and I feel I need to get myself more confident and when I meet him I want to be strong and not needy lady! If it’s meant to be will be even in a few months or a year… the best thing is that we both know that so far I’m the best girl he ever had 🙂
ZD

February 24, 2016 at 12:18 pm

Thank you Amor, that’s good idea. I was thinking to text him something like: ‘Hi (his name) 🙂 . I want to say sorry for the accident back in January, I feel bit better now especially after the holiday. Thank you for your understanding and keeping a distance. How are you? How’s life?’ I couldn’t think of anything else. He knows me very well and I feel scared because of that and from his respond of course. And let’s not forget that he thinks that I would be much happier if I’m away from him. Also should I text him on the phone or in Facebook (we’re not friends there but I’m not totally blocked)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:56 pm

Actually that’s good.. It’s ok to be afraif because it’s better to feel rejected than regret.. You heal from rejection but not from regret
ZD

February 23, 2016 at 7:19 pm

No, I haven’t. I’m scared.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 10:33 am

It’s ok to be scared…that’s normal.. you just have to act with it.. if you like why don’t you comment in the text you’re supposed to send before you send it to hin
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 10:57 am

Hi Zd,

okay, first did you send that text and what did he say?

Jessica

February 21, 2016 at 9:29 pm

Hi! I get how randomly texting him can help rebuild a connection little by little, but I also feel that it might be really weird to suddenly text my ex out of the blue especially when I broke up with him and he asked me not to talk to him because he wanted to move on… I mean, he’s not angry or anything, he just said he doesn’t want to be friends and he wants to move on and maybe eventually (later) he’ll talk to me if he’s over it. So texting him as if nothing happened can come off as disrespectful to him asking me to leave him alone for a while. The thing is – I realized that I shouldn’t have broken up and that I wasn’t really fair to him during the last months of the relationship, so maybe in this case just being honest and telling him I’m sorry I was unfair with him and that I shouldn’t have taken him for granted in a pretty “calm” 300-word-message not like a super emotional love letter might be a better option. Do you think this will be better in my situation? I just feel that if I contact him as if nothing happened he’ll just tell me that he’s still not ready to talk and he doesn’t want to be friends and then I won’t have another option but respect that…

Jessica

February 23, 2016 at 12:34 am

Yeah I thought so too! Which is why I don’t want my message to exceed 300 words and I don’t want it to be emotional or in a “please take me back” tone. More like “hey! I don’t want to interrupt your moving on process but I’ve actually thought about what happened between us now that I’m calmer and it’s been some time and I realize that the way I acted towards you was unfair. I’m really sorry, but at least I’ve learned my lesson for the future.” – I also thought it’d rather be in a positive mood like, making little inside jokes here and there and telling him that I really hope he is alright, that everything is going well and that he got accepted for the master’s program that he applied for. That way I also leave room for conversation. I don’t know if it’s “too much” though… or if he’ll notice that I’m not over him. I just feel that if I just text him as if nothing happened he will either respond pretty quickly like “cool” and move on or that he will directly tell me “I’m still trying to move on, please don’t talk to me.”
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 5:00 am

it is really tricky but gear more towards topics that are not heavy… topicts that are not always about his life
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 1:30 pm

Hi Jessica

In your guage, based on how much you know him,, can 45 days be enough before you talk to him.. and also about your confession.. It can go 3 ways, he’ll forgive you and you can startover again or he’ll see it as begging and ignore it,
three, he’ll forgive you, he won’t be angry anymore but he knows you still want him back and he still doesn’t want you bacj

Frustrated

February 20, 2016 at 6:51 pm

Hi Amor and Chris,

I have bought ex boyfriend recovery Pro, it’s really great and definitely worth buying! However I am at the like a girlfriend texts stage for 2 weeks now and cannot get him to text me, but when I text him he is very receptive and flirty and texts back very quickly, I always control the conversation and leave him wanting more. Is there anything I can do to change this? I have not done anything on social media yet because he doesn’t use it so I didn’t think it would work but should I do that?
Many Thanks!

Frustrated

February 22, 2016 at 12:13 pm

Also 3 weeks ago before I started my campaign he said to me if we got back together he would want it to happen naturally and that we talked because we wanted to. He said if we started again it would need to be a clean start and we would go on a first date again, I agreed with all of this. However, checked my facebook activity this morning and he has deleted the comments from things he tagged me in so he is obviously blowing hot and cold. I am not sure if one of the boys may have said something to him if they had seen the posts, our friends are quite against us talking since we first broke up and have said we need to cut each other off several times, which we both agreed we didn’t want to do.
Frustrated

February 22, 2016 at 8:55 am

Hi Amor,

Okay, I have updated my profile pic and got lots of attention for it so I will continue with being active on social media now, thank you. No, I didn’t really, I went straight from a memory text to following the mock week of like a girlfriend texts, 2 days texting, a break, 3 days texting then a break etc. When I was doing testing him in a conversation and memory texts and waiting with 2 days in between he was messaging me and even tagging me in things on facebook. I am worried that going straight to everyday almost messaging has come on too strong and made him step back. Have I ruined everything or can I still pull it back from her? I was thinking of waiting for him to message me now and if he hasn’t after 4 days, giving in and messaging him but making sure I leave at least 2 days minimum between messaging unless he instigates more, and follow tide theory, does that sound like a good idea to you? Should I be doing anything else?
Many Thanks,
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 11:12 am

Yep good idea! Just remember that the goal of texting is to lead to calls
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:20 am

Hi frustrated.. yes be active in social media because you’ll never know when he will check and if ever you’re mutual friends might see it and tell him about.. Are yiu using the tide theory?

Jessie

February 19, 2016 at 10:32 pm

Hi! Today was supposed to be the final day of NC for me and my ex, but he is in a family trip in Thailand – he lives in London – and I feel that maybe talking to him in the middle of the trip is less wise and that I should wait until Feb 28 which is the day after he gets back… what do you think? Is it too long? Should I just contact him during the trip saying that I remember he had that trip with his family and ask how it’s going? He might not respond though because I don’t know if he had wifi…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 9:29 am

Hi Jessie,

You’re right it’s better if he geta home firsr

Allie

February 19, 2016 at 3:56 pm

How does the texting game plan change if he is seeing someone after no contact ? If no contact ends, and he is seeing someone else, do you follow the same plan? Or do you just stay at step one and make casual conversation every once in awhile until they break up and then proceed to the rest of the steps?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 7:18 am

Hi Allie,

it depends on what kins if relationship they had.. if they’re not that serious, it’s okay to proceed with the first plan, but if they’re serious, go with the second option
Allie

February 19, 2016 at 4:01 pm

I mean I don’t wanna come off as pushy or disrespectful of their current relationship by complimenting him all the time and bringing up old memories and stuff. Or is that okay? I don’t know.

Progressing

February 19, 2016 at 9:09 am

Thank you Amor, I will hold off then, so you should only send a sex text when you feel like you are getting close to being back together and he is messaging me lots?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 10:46 am

yeah.. when you know, you’re getting there or already there but you just need a little push

Jen

February 19, 2016 at 6:45 am

He broke up with my saying that he is tired of getting into arguments all the time and that he still loves me but thinks it should be best for both of us to let go. We had been together for 2.5 years, so on the day he broke up with me we both cried and hugged each other. He also promised me that he will not meet anyone before I start dating someone. The same night I called him drunk and we talked for 2 hours on the phone; he was crying and asked if I would let him back if he comes to my place now. I said no. The next day we texted for a bit and I called him to tell him that this ‘not-going-anywhere’ situation should stop (b/c when we have previously broken up a few times, we always got back together within a week). Then no contact until I called him about 5 days later. It was right after I woke up, we talked for a while and I asked if we could get back together.. then I started crying and begging.. he said no and he told me that he’s sorry. He also said if he sees me right now, we probably would get back and that’s not what should happen. He kept telling me that SOME things just don’t work out and that I need to learn to let go. So I said okay and we hung up. That was last week of November. I didn’t contact him at all until 1st of February when I just said hey how have you been, etc. He was positive, he replied back fast, asked what I was doing, etc. I asked if I could get my tablet (which I lent him) back, and asked if I could get it back that weekend. He said he is busy both days but didn’t offer a different time. He told me sorry and I just said it’s okay and he ignored that. Now it is the end of February, and I found out that he is going to Disneyland with someone. I don’t know if it’s a girl or a guy but he booked a hotel for 2nights for 2 adults with one king bed… I casually texted and asked his roommate /bestfriend (who is away for a month now) if he got a new girlfriend and he said no… What should I do now..?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 10:59 am

Hi Jen,

It’s more probable that he does a new gf now.. it means it’s going to hwt harder and also means you have to start to be friends with him again but don’t imply that you want to be back because if they’re in honeymoon phase, his attention would be more for her
Jen

February 19, 2016 at 7:03 am

+) He also told me, when I called him that morning “can you wait 6 months without seeing me?” and I kept asking why and all he told me was that because 6 month is neither too long nor too short. I still don’t know why he said 6 months.. Please help me.. I thought I was recovering and after he ignored my last text, I was better able to move on. But ever since finding out that he might be with someone else already (even after that promise), I’m devastated… We never travelled together b/c I don’t have permission from my parents.. Btw I’m 21 and he is 30. We met at university and now I’m still a student and he has a well-paying manager job. Should I text him again and ask if he has a new gf? Or should I wait..Thank you so much!

Em

February 18, 2016 at 1:21 pm

Hi, my breakup isn’t one where he isn’t aware of my value. Rather, he feels too young (21) to have found someone of value and this panics him because he feels too young to be serious. We have been together one year and there’s a lot of change happening in both of our lives right now. We haven’t spoken since we broke face to face and I feel like even if I do no contact he won’t message as he wants some time to be young. Any suggestions? I really don’t want to game play and I would appreciate any form of option. Thank you so much

Em

February 21, 2016 at 4:10 pm

No he just wants time to himself to settle in his new job after uni. He feels like i am wife material and this panics him as he is abit of a commitmentphobe (his ex really hurt him). We are same friendship group but we have not spoke now since the day we broke up (7 days). I’ve heard from friends that he is finding it very difficult and is very upset but i know he won’t text because he thinks its for the best right now. In which case will the no contact rule even be worth it, on the no contact rule page it says by day three they may send out a first text but obviously its already been a week and even though hes upset it obviously isnt making him reach out??

Thanks again for your help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 9:24 am

well, it help in a way more for you than getting him back but it’s also the better choice because of you text him and he won’t reply, he’ll just know you’re still waiting.. give him time to miss you too
Em

February 19, 2016 at 7:29 am

No he wants time without the stress of it all. We had two weeks of arguing whilst he was away then when he got home it came to head. What do you suggest?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 11:05 am

So, he’s monogamous… What I don’t get is by what he really means by being young.. does he mean, he wants to have other girls after you, or he just wants more time for himself when he’s in a relationship or he wants more time for himself now before getting into a relationship.. If it was the latter two, nc could help because you’re giving him time and also if you get back together, you have to keep that in mind.. Be like him too, spend more time growing yourself while you’re still young
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 5:57 am

Hi Em,
if he doesn’t want a serious relationship, does he mean he wants to have othet girlfriends too?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:33 am

No, I think it’s okay.. at least he knows you’re not disregarding his feelings but don’t repear it because it will be like he’s using it to gain some pity or make you feel sorry. Did he say that over text?
Sarah

February 17, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Hi, My boyfriend and I had no problems in our relationship. We were very happy and he seemed totally in love. After 6 months, he suddenly told me he didn’t love me and broke it off. A bit of background, he had recently got out of a 10 year relationship, the last 5 they were not intimate and grew to resent each other. I know he was scared to end up in a dead relationship again.

For the first month I did not follow the no contact rule and we chatted a few times, mostly me getting upset and him needing space. I did give him a little space and then we met to exchange our some things that we had left at each other’s houses.

We talked, I didn’t bring up anything and the conversation just flowed. I told him that I would like to be friends when I am ready. Then he told me he missed me and still loves me and I am the right person for him but it isn’t the right time.

So my question is, do I do a 30 day no contact now? I feel he needs some space? What to do if he texts me?
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 10:27 am

Hi Sarah,

yep do 30 days.. if he texts don’t reply..

Julie

February 17, 2016 at 2:43 pm

To put it simply:
My partner decided we should go our separate ways after 1.5 years. His reasons included: I took too much of his free time, he needed to focus on his future, I was irritable and got too comfortable with him, he needs to be alone and wants to worry about himself at the moment, etc etc.
I understand why he did it but I would love to have him back. We met a few times after he told me and spent it having fun and at the end we kissed and told each other that we love each other. He truly does love me and he told me that he wants me to get over this as fast and painless as possible. He doesn’t want to text me back, call me back or see me unless it is really important because he thinks it would further hurt me. But it irritates me more than anything.
He is leaving for more than a month and I plan to improve myself within that time. I would like to see him before he leaves though.
How should I approach him when he comes back and should I continue no contact when he does? I told him not to be afraid to contact me but I doubt he will. He does love and care for me and said I was the best thing that happened to him and the best girl for him. He has huge plans for the future and needs to focus on that. Do I have a chance?

Julie

February 18, 2016 at 8:41 pm

Amor, I dropped in on him at his house to get my sweater back. He looked really unhappy and it seems to me that the no contact that he is applying is actually for him to deal with the pain. I told him that the breakup was hurting both of us but he still stands by his decision. He said that me seeing him was hurting him and I could see it in his behavior.
I think the best thing is to start no contact. He’s leaving in two weeks for more than a month. I think I’ll write a simple letter wishing him well on his trip and then leave it at that.

Thank you for the advice and I’ll keep you updated.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 9:53 am

Hi Julie,
I’m not saying you’re not amazing but for him, actions speak louder than words..
He’ s suffocated and all he wants right now is for you to move on, he’s about to put you in the friendzone too to help you move on..

If you really want to have a chance.. he has to miss you and see you’re value.. either you try to do nc so you can give each other space or you try to re attract him while maintaining contact

Anna

February 16, 2016 at 11:08 am

hey ebr, my comment has been on moderation for a long time. I hope i get a reply to this message at least before its too late.

My relationship of 2 years ended last year. I went begging behind him and did a lot of things through the course of that whole year. And we finally met when he was back in town. We made out and i felt it happened out of emotions and feelings he had for me but he ended up breaking my heart again. Now he’s back again when i left contact with him, he says he still likes me but he can’t commit to me right now due to reasons being his unstable future, long distance and busy work schedule abroad. He wants to meet me, spend time and always tries to kiss me too which he knows affects me. I told him right now that i don’t trust him anymore and we should probably stop talking to each other because it’s affecting me(in a nice way). He went so ballistic and yelled at me for trusting my friends more than him. What should i do at this point? Please help. He is leaving back abroad next month.
Lauren

February 15, 2016 at 7:48 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. When I sent some of his stuff back to him, I wrote a letter to sort of get closure. He had said he wanted to remain friends, and I was on the same page (it was true then, but not really anymore, ideally I’d like to get back together). He texted me thanking me for the letter and saying he needed some more time before we were friends ( I agreed) and we’ve had a little bit of correspondence since then. He’s mentioned getting together to talk but whenever I bring it up, he just shuts down. I’m wondering if since (to me at least) the lines are blurry now, I should take a step back and maybe do the no contact part? Or should I just wait until he initiates contact to meet up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 8:49 am

Hi Lauren,

you can actually do both. Do no contact while waiting for him to text.. if ever he doesn’t initiate after 21 days, you initiate

Lyssa

February 14, 2016 at 5:28 pm

Hello! I have purchased the ebook and cannot wait to get started. It’s Valentines Day and also day 1 of NC. We were together for 2 years and he was wishy washy the entire relationship and in the end just said he wasn’t interested. The reason I’m confused is because we saw a future, made decisions together and his actions told a different story. He has already texted my but I have chosen to not text him back. I was just wondering, if he doesn’t text during the NC what do you recommend. I am transitioning into a positive lifestyle that was not present during the relationship and will continue to do during that time. Any advice would be great!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 12:41 pm

Hi Lyssa,

that means you have to initiate contact after nc.. 🙂

Valerie

February 14, 2016 at 3:32 am

So my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me over an argument we had. Of course I still love him and miss him but he has blocked me from contacting him on Facebook. Yes, the only way to contact him is through Facebook because he doesn’t have a phone at the moment. My biggest mistake was asking him to stay. In the heat of the moment he told me to never talk to him again. We lived together and that night he came to pack all his stuff. For some reason he has left a couple bags behind and has told me that he will come for it later. After realizing my mistake I started to implement the NC rule but recently my friends have told me that he has added girls who we have argued about in the past again. He knows that I don’t like him associating with these girls. In the past we’ve broken up and he did the same exact thing. He went and added girls right away but he has never blocked me for this long. My question is what should I do? Does the NC rule still apply to this situation? And do you think he’s moved on already?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 7:57 am

Hi Valerie,

Yes you can still do nc.. it means improving yourself, not reaching others to contact him and being civil and not talking about the relationship when he comes for his things.. It can also help for him to unblock you because you have been silent

Rebecca

February 13, 2016 at 7:20 am

hi ebr team – thanks for all the posts. they have been very helpful to read. i wanted to get your take on whether no contact would work in my circumstance. i dated a guy for a little over two months. it was a short-term thing with potential to grow–the first month was intense and we spent a lot of time together. however, there were red flags. i think we misread each other’s communication styles and never really had a chance to air it out. i had a few moments where i would send “sterner” texts–not cursing–just expressing how i felt, and i guess he would feel they came out of left field.

anyway, we enjoyed our times together when we were together, but given where he was in his career (i understood the stresses), he was not ready to commit. i became more anxious as a result of it. we inched towards exclusivity, but as soon as we did, we had a fight. i felt he was not treating me as someone serious–although it is also very possible that he thought i was misreading his cues. i expressed myself again over text (my mistake, i know). he did not respond–i believe he felt the tone of my texts were harsher than i intended. i followed up with an email that was not begging or pleading in nature, just explanatory and expressing sadness that we were at different places (where i wanted to be more committing, and i felt he was not).

i feel that the relationship ended prematurely–we were building trust, and due to my impulsive nature, it died. do i bother reaching out again (it has been a week) to apologize for causing drama over text when in person would have better. or do i let the no contact period take place and try to revisit in a month? i know that the relationship was quite short–so not sure what would be appropriate here.

Rebecca

February 13, 2016 at 4:08 pm

i should clarify that he did not respond to any of my initial texts and email. i was just trying to give him space, but now that a week has passed, it feels so unresolved. i guess i wonder if it is at all worth checking in one more time before going into full no contact.

thank you
Rebecca

February 13, 2016 at 4:02 pm

Hi Amor –

I guess I was wondering whether the no contact would even work given that our dating period was so short. It was intense and I know we enjoyed hanging out with each other. I was wondering if I should even bother trying to reach out now by text to see if we could meet up and try to resolve (our last exchange was so unresolved). Or if I just disappear for a month and try again later?

Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 4:45 am

Oh ok… give it one last try by text.. but don’t plead.. If he didn’t answer or your talk was not successful, go for 21 days nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 1:22 pm

Hi Rebecca,

But you already expained in email right? and why email, why not just text again?

Deja

February 12, 2016 at 9:20 pm

Hi,
I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 10 months. Over that time we saw each other often and spoke every day sometimes several times during the day. During that time we grew very close and became very close as friends in addition to being a couple. I am a few years older than him. I found out that I was the first woman he ever approached or pursued in his life as females always pursued him. He also admitted (and his family confirmed) he was never this emotionally invested in someone before. He introduced me to his close friends and many family members during this time.
He recently was given a great opportunity to move from a basic job to a very good career and admitted he was excited but felt overwhelmed at the same time.
He has had a challenge with me having male friends (only a couple) and when I recently spent the day with one of those friends and his girlfriend my boyfriend ended our relationship. Right after ending it he started messaging and calling to check up on me and let me know he cares . I thanked him for our relationship, told him though my heart is broken I will always want love for him and that I believe in him but I respect his wishes.
The day after we broke up I was diagnosed with a condition that may lead to serious illness and requires further diagnosis. He started calling and checking in even offering to fly in to be with me. However, during one of those conversations he said to me that he cannot see a future with someone who spends time with male friends when in a relationship with him so there was no hope for us. I asked him to reconsider but he said no. At that point I told him that I finally accept the breakup, thanked him once again for our memories but made it clear that I would need to say a final goodbye that night because my focus needed to be on dealing my illness and only having positive and consistent support around me. When I attempted to leave the conversation, he went from adamantly stating we would never work to saying “I cant do this, I am so angry with myself, I am so sad, I am terrified of not having you in my life”
I told him I was sorry he felt all those things but if he felt strongly about his decision he should commit to it. I again wished him the best and I ended the conversation. A full day hasn’t passed since that convo but I would like to ask if I should just leave this situation alone and accept the breakup and if not, what is the best approach?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hi Deja,

You’ve handled it so maturely. The more I read the more I wondered what could want help for. For me, you’re right that if that is really his decision, he should commit. Because if he can’t listen and trust you with your friends.. better stop this cycle and focus on getting better from your illness..

I hope you get well the soonest!

Nickki

February 11, 2016 at 5:41 pm

Hi Amor,
My boyfriend just broke up with me few days ago from our 5 months relationship. During our dating. We were up and down..Everything was good except I have trust issue. I always accuse him of wanting to cheat on me which he never did. He said he feel the lack of trust from me. Anytime we had any sort of issue, I would accuse him of wanting to date other girls. I have done it many times, pretty much every time we had an argument. So last time he couldnt handle it anymore…but still want me in his life as a friend or business partner. I love him so much and also embarrased for what I did/said to him. I texted him my sincere apology, but didnt ask him to get back to me. He said he forgave me but cannot be in a relationship with me. What should I do to get him back and he will see me improve my behavior? Do I need and NC to start?

Nickki

February 12, 2016 at 7:33 pm

We didnt talk for 3 days now..We live 3 hrs away so its like long distant relationship. Since he said he cannot be in a relationship with me but friend..I am so sad..texted him once for apology and he texted back that he forgave me and told me I need to learn how to trust someone..and thats our last texts.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 11:25 am

so, yeah you can start nc to kind of like have a fresh start
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 2:11 pm

Hi Nickki,

If you are already talking to each other, I don’t think you should do nc but leverage what you have now to show him you trust him in other aspects. Like for example, if ever you have an activity together and he asks your opinion, tell him you’re confident he can do that and then move on to another topic. Do it in a casual way. Don’t push it to his face that you trust him, it will seem like you’re pertaining to trust in the romantic sense(even though you really are)

Chovak

February 11, 2016 at 10:18 am

Hello,

I have read almost all there is to read here. I broke up with my boyfriend last October (kicked him out like a dog). I regret and understand that was not the way to approach my anxiety. I was upset with his attitude and I needed him to change for our family, my son, and our son. He had a drinking problem which for a few weeks has changed. But as soon as we broke up a week later he got a new ex girlfriend. We kept hooking up until I finally did the NC rule. and after 2 weeks+ he came back and begged me. He cried but I did not let him in or talked to him because he was drunk. Then he kept calling but no texts, 2 day later it happen again and we talked. He slept over and told me many things where I was at fault and how he wanted to change and he didn’t know how. Also, how much he missed and loved me. That he was scare to try again because it didn’t work out. Finally, all I ever wanted to here and I held him and explain how it could we just needed to focus and try. I gave in. P.S. before I gave in I made him suffer by telling him lies that I had a boyfriend that I had intimacy with him and I no longer needed him. I was just a meany and a liar. The next day he said that we could just be fwb because he had his girlfriend and I my boyfriend. I tried by nice for a week then gave up. And two days ago I found out I was pregnant. I have been doing the NC for 3 weeks again to heal myself not so much to get him back. But now with this I feel hurt and confuse. He doesn’t often look for his son but when he does I don’t pick up the phone. I tell him to text me to make arrangements. And the other day when I needed him to watch our baby I called him and we argue lightly. Then, he send me a text with a bunch of pictures of his carpentry the way he used to. I did not reply and got pissed off of why is he doing this to me. I just want him to leave me alone but I do love him. I don’t even know if I should tell him about the baby? And, I always wonder if he gave up alcohol for his girlfriend? I did ask him once but he said no. Can I really get him back?

Chovak

February 12, 2016 at 11:58 am

What about his girlfriend. I don’t know if they are still dating? What if she doesn’t back off? I’m too embarrassed to ask. And I definitely don’t want him back if it’s for the children because down the road it will to cheating and still another break up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 3:41 pm

You don’t need to ask her… It should be his decision to break up with her..
And if he doesn’t, that will be yours to decide if you will put up with that or leave
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 1:02 pm

So many things is happening all at once.. First, you’re pregnant, you have to be honest with him now and be prepared if he doesn’t believe your story and if he doesn’t accept at first that it’s his. But just let him be to think about it.

Second, avoid getting angry because it can harm the baby and the chances of having a proper conversation with him

Third, you have to decide with your standards.. Either ask him to change and be firm with the consequences if he doesn’t or just wait until he does it himself

Courtney

February 11, 2016 at 9:24 am

Hi. I had a relation ship for like 3.5 years at first we were just normal friends but after a year he said that he loves me and we started a relationship for 2.5 years. In the last few months we had a lot of fight that most of them i blame him for his works and i know that i was so hursh on him. I answered his texts or mails late etc… And then suddenly one day he said that it’s not good for us to have a relation like this and he just likes me he doesnt love me anymore. And when i told him i know my mistakes and i will fix them he said it is too late and didn’t answer me at all. Sth bad happened to me and he texted me and said he was sorry for me and thats it. I know that he has changed his phone number and he has deleted his online accounts everywhere. What should i do?
Btw thanks for ur great website.

Courtney

February 12, 2016 at 1:04 pm

He has made a new instagram account and he has texted me before with his new telegram account i just don’t have his new phone number. In last day he just said that i am too good and he is never gonna change! He will always love me! But when i said to him that i am gonna change he said that he can’t anymore be friends with me. I am not happy that i said to him i will change ALOT and he said repeatdly “no” and now he is just doing the things that he knew i didnt like and making me jeolous. He changed his profile picture as soon as i changed mine! I am just worried after nc he won’t come after me because i am in my 7th day of my nc and he didn’t texted me a thing!
I know it is a long comment. Thank you amor very much
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 3:46 pm

No, it’s okay.. You’re welcome..

Okay, have to be brutally honest now..

He was turned off when you said you will change for him that’s why he’s doing everything to annoy you, so you will stop bothering him…

You’re chasing him, and of course the more you chase, the more he will run away..
Courtney

February 11, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Thank you for ur answer but is no contact rule working for this situation? Because since i was the one who contacted him after the breakup he changed his phone number etc… Is nc going to work?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 12:21 pm

I wish I can guarantee for sure that it will but as of now that’s the best thing you can do. Let’s hope he will reactivate soon but in the mean time, it’s better to be more productive than get worried waiting
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 1:06 pm

If he did it because of the break up, there’s a chance thatif he knows you won’t bother him, he’ll reactivate them again

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