The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Jen

April 5, 2016 at 2:17 pm

Hi,

I’ve been with my ex bf for 5 and a half years. So he decides one week ago that we need a break for two week and then we would decides if we want to be together. But after the two weeks break he will go traveling for 2 months. While he was suggesting a break he was cry and I have never saw him cry ever. And he said he still loves and cares for me but not in a gf kind of way.

The other thing is he done the at the worst possible time because I’m in my final year of university and in the middle of my deadlines and exams.

Because of this after one week into the break I ended the relationship via text because I can’t cope with the stress. Because I feel like he was going to break up with me anyway but he was just dragging it on because he didn’t want to upset me. And I suggested that he should come a collect his stuff before he goes traveling but he hasn’t replied to me at all. during the break, I didn’t contract him or replied to his messages. I don’t because I break up with him that he doesn’t want the relationship anymore.

I would like to get back with my ex, however, I don’t know when I should start the no contract rule or really what I should do at all.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 9:24 am

HI Jen,

YOu can start the count tomorrow after you read this. That means you have to focus on improving yourself and building a new life and healing. Find new friends and do the things you’ve been putting off before.

sona

April 5, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Heey,
I need some help
I had broke up with my Ex boyfriend 9 months back ..
but still we are in touch , sometimes we talk too casually, i message him once in a week, he replies too casually, sometimes he ask what i am doing , he takes initiative & sometimes he ignores & dont respond. I really cannot recognize the situations what he want exactly, I still Miss him badly, Sometimes i show by msgs, and sometimes I dont show, I usually talk like that as he want like too casual beacuse he is full of Attitude in front of me specially
He want something , and he told me to bring that from my home town, so I brought that thing and after a long we gonna meet, I dont know he is selfish or something else, He wnt to meet me to pick that thing from me or will give his sometime to me.
what should I react when I will meet him after 4 days.

please help me out, I dont know is it possible or not, but I really want him back in my life

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 5:06 am

Hi Sona,

what did you mean that he wants something from you? did you buy it for him or it was stuff that is in your possession.. if he’s selfish, move on.. He probably just sees you still like and is taking advantage of you

Nicole

April 5, 2016 at 8:12 am

Hi there,
I need some help and advise! My ex boyfriend and I broke up two days ago. The reason he broke up with me was because his not in love with me or does not see himself falling in love with me. We’ve been dating for 8 months now, we never fought, we always have good times. When he broke up with me that day, we even spent time together and thought nothing was wrong but then when he dropped me off at my house he said he needed to break up with me. I was sitting in his car for 3 hours crying and so did he. I’ve asked him several times that day if that was it the end of our relationship and I asked if we can work it out and he said no because he doesn’t see himself loving me or having future with me. I really want our relationship to work and I love him. Also, he said I can always contact him if I needed a shoulder to cry on or if I need someone to talk to. He even messaged me the day we broke that he got home safely and said goodnight. I am planning to contact him this weekend and see if we can still work it out.

Nicole

June 10, 2016 at 5:00 am

Hi AMOR,
So I went to my ex bf house 3 days ago and we talked. So he said his not going to settle down and he even told me that he already went on a date twice since we broke. He even showed me the picture he dated. Anyways after we talked, we made out in which he initiated. He said he wanted to hook up which I wasn’t keen on doing so I left. After that he didn’t even text me if I got home safe and never texted me at all actually. So I’m assuming there will be no reconciliation between us two and it’s time to let go?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2016 at 5:41 am

He’s trying to be ex with benefits with you.. it depends on you if you still want to try if you can influence him to change how he is with you..
Nicole

May 5, 2016 at 9:45 pm

Hi AMOR,
So I finished NC. And I’m on 32 days now. I haven’t head anything from him and I don’t know if I should message him cus I don’t wanna give him that thought that I’m desperate to talk to him. What should I do? And how should I start the conversation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 8:40 am

Hi Nicole,

it’s ok if you initiate as long as you’re the one ending it in high note and check this post out too for text tips
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Nicole

May 1, 2016 at 8:41 am

Hi AMOR,
Okay thanks! Do you think he still follows my friend so he can still see what I’m doing?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 3:08 pm

there’s a chance that it is…
Nicole

April 27, 2016 at 4:33 pm

And to add on my friend post more of us going out than I do. So I don’t get why he still follows my friend but unfollowed me.. would this decrease the chance of getting him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 5:31 am

maybe because it would be awkward if he unfollowed your friend and then decided to follow her again later on.. wait until nc is over.. if he really wanted to talk to you, he did..
Nicole

April 27, 2016 at 3:14 pm

I havent post anything ever since we broke up except I just like pictures on instagram. Should I initiate the contact or wait until NC is over? I feel like his trying to get my attention that he unfollowed me but I can be wrong.
Nicole

April 26, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi there,
So I’m on my three weeks of NC and my ex unfollowed me on social media but he still follow one of my friend. I wanted to ask why. Does that mean his move on and does not want anything to do with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 7:43 am

it can be like that.. but it can also mean that he doesn’t want to see your posts because he’s affected
Nicole

April 14, 2016 at 6:20 am

Hi EBR TEAM,
So I’m on my 11th day of NC and I’ve been tempted to contact him this week especially one of my best friend saw him last Saturday with his guy friend. He hasn’t contacted me at all ever since he broke up with me. Should I contact him and initiate conversation or wait till NC is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 12:34 pm

nope…wait until nc is over…
Nicole

April 7, 2016 at 1:05 pm

Hi EBR TEAM,
What would you suggest for me to do? Should I meet and talk to him this weekend? Or should I wait until he contacts me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 8:21 pm

oh okay.. I thought you already decided..for me you should do active no contact..focus on you, set him aside for a month and be active in healing and finding yourself again
Nicole

April 6, 2016 at 8:53 pm

Hi EBR TEAM,
What should I do? Should I even contact him at all? Or just move on and not try to ask him again if he is willing to try our relationship again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 10:54 am

HI Nicole,

okay.. Be calm, try not to get too emotional.

Katie

April 4, 2016 at 3:49 pm

Hi EBR team,

I need some help…

So my ex and i broke up almost 2 months ago. We were together for two years. We broke up once before because he wasn’t sure about his feelings and didn’t want to hurt me. Eventually we got back together, dated a whole year, and he broke up with me again. His reasons were that he just wasn’t feeling it anymore, he doesn’t love me in the way i love him, and he doesn’t want to hurt me even more. But of course, he wants to be friends. Our families were very involved and we were serious about each other. To me everything was fine, but he didn’t communicate these feelings until the day he broke up with me. I did no contact for a little over 3 weeks. I was feeling better so I asked for us to get together and talk. We did and it went really well. From that, we’ve got together two more times to just hang out and chat. He initiated those two times. 2 weeks he asked to hang out but i couldn’t and then last week i asked to hang out but he couldn’t because he was out with the guys. He informed me that he would have been home soon but I said not to worry about it another time. I haven’t heard from him since.

I’ve been keeping busy, posting on social media (i deleted him but i still have some of his family members), i’ve been positive and happy around him.

What should I do to get him to change his mind about being just friends? How can spark his interest back up to chase me again?

Katie

April 5, 2016 at 4:48 pm

No, we don’t text. When we ask to hang out we just text something like “hey, want to go outside and talk?” We live very close to each other so we don’t need to drive to meet somewhere. We’ll go like a whole week without talking and I’ll just get a random text. But we haven’t spoken or seen each other in almost a week and a half. So I don’t know.
I just feel like he’s really done this time. I just don’t understand how easily it was for him to just let me go. We went from being together all the time and talking all the time, making all these plans for the up coming months, to nothing just like that….He seems fine…And I’m better too. I’m slowly accepting the break up and not focusing all my attention on him, but I can’t help but feel so blindsided by everything.
I guess I want him to get that “oh crap what did I just let go” feeling, but I don’t know how to make him feel like that or maybe he’s just never going to feel like that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 9:42 am

There’s a chance if you aim to be the ungettable girl. Improve yourself, build a new a life and make him see that you can move on
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 5:53 am

Hi Katie,

did you went through the texting and calling phase first? You can try to do that again this time

Emily

April 3, 2016 at 9:45 pm

Okay. The guy I’m after was never really my “boyfriend.” Actually, we never even officially dated. He asked me if I wanted to date right before our college let out for winter break, and I told him I wasn’t sure yet. We texted each other constantly over the break and might as well have been dating. A few days after we got back to school, I tried to tell him that I wanted to actually date but he said that I complained too much and seemed ungrateful (I had a lot of family problems going on over winter break, and I did complain a bit about them), so he wanted to just be friends and get to know me better for a while. He made somewhat of an effort to stay in touch with me, but it wasn’t anything significant. During this time, he would still flirt with me every now and then. Finally, I asked him about his feelings toward me after a couple of months of this and he said that he didn’t want to date and only wants to be “friends.” He claims that he told me that he didn’t want to date 2 months ago, but he never did. This all went down about 2 weeks ago, and a couple of days ago he texted me wanting to know what I thought he should do with his hair, and I haven’t heard from him since. Last night, I found out that he may or may not be dating some other girl. I have no idea what their relationship is. It doesn’t help that he lives in California and I live in Tennessee and we only have one month of classes left either. I really like him and I think that we could be good together, so I would love to be able to get him to like me again. Does this advice still apply to my situation? Or should I do something else? Or should I just give it up and move on?

Emily

April 3, 2016 at 9:55 pm

I suppose I might add that after he told me he didn’t want to date, we didn’t talk at all for a week. So when he texted me, it was really unexpected. The next morning, he came over to me and talked to me for about a minute or so, but last night when I saw him at our formal, he didn’t talk to me at all. All we did was make awkward eye contact a couple of times when we would catch each other (seemingly) trying to get a glance of the other.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 12:56 pm

Try to do what you should be doing to improve in no contact without doing no contact..be a little distant but greet him here and there..and let him come to you

Nana

April 3, 2016 at 8:15 pm

Hi Amor! I do tide theory with my ex, but he’s so stubborn! He replies distantly, sometimes doesn’t answer, and his replies look like “no, I don’t remember”, “yes”, “no” etc. He asked our friend about me when I was doing NC. It really looks like he still has feelings for me. Should I take it slow and don’t force the situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Hi nana,

rest for 2 days, and then try a more interesting topic

Ashley

April 2, 2016 at 11:12 pm

I’m having a hard time holding hope in the possibility of getting back together with my ex. The last time we talked it did NOT go well due to a combination of drama and alcohol, and was my fault. We had a pretty standard relationship with pros and cons, but after about half a year he left me due to “not being mature enough,” pressure to succeed in a highly competitive engineering program, and needing to “repair the friendships he destroyed during the course of our relationship,” (mostly because of how much time we spent together). I feel kind of hopeless because at this point, we almost got back together and I basically hit my breaking point and went crazy, and I feel like I just don’t have a chance with him. Lack of support of our relationship from his friends combined with my recent behavior does not give me much hope. When would you say a relationship has hit the point of no return?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 8:00 am

Hi Ashley,

it depends in your standards.. for now, focus in yourself first before getting in any relationship.. if you’re not emotionally stable, no relationahip will work

karen

April 2, 2016 at 10:58 pm

hi,
My ex broke up with me after 6 years together and since that I was messed up. We used to live together and a month after we broke up, he had to move to another city for a new job. At first, I was being so desperated and a needy person. It just made things worser than before. But since he moved, I’ve started to figuring things out what went wrong and tried to accepting our breakup. We were fighting alot while we were together because of silly things and he said that I was not supporting him enough, not care enough too and he didn’t have a spirit to fight for our relationship anymore. I’ve started to realised that the reason of the breakup was mostly because of me. I’ve been trying to not contact him to let him heal and myself too. But I couldn’t really not stay in touch with him because we still have to talk about the moving stuff, etc. I’ve always tried to be a positive person while we were talking and never talk about my feelings or how I miss him. When he told me how depressed and lonely he was in the new city, I’ve tried to be very supportive and cheered him up. We don’t stay in touch everyday. But I’ve just started to think, perhaps during the breakup I should also sometimes ask him how he was doing and try to give more attention and supports to him. So that he can know that I was trying to be a better person and more supportive since we broke up. But I’m also scared, that we might ended up in the friendzone if I was being too friendly or keep in touch frequently. Does no contact rules really work on my case? Or it has just made him realize that we are really not compatible with each other and the relationship is not going to work. What do you think? I’m also scared during no contact rules, he might find someone that really cares about him and always be there for him. Because I know, how important it is for him to has someone that cares.
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 12:18 pm

Hi Karen,

sorry for the late reply.. I think you should contnue being positive and friendly every time you meet for his things.. tell him he can come over anytime to have a chat and then busy now too be active in posting it while being friendly to him.. Take this opportunity to be his positive source while striving to be the ungettable girl.. try a little jealousy moves too.. go out with groups of friends then post it

Michelle

April 2, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Hi! I am extremely confused. My boyfriend and were together for a year. I moved in with him and we discussed our future, everything was fine. A month after living together he told me that he felt like he didn’t have any space and wasn’t happy. He moved out and broke up with me. While we were living together I would go out with my friends but he would just sit at home. I don’t think he is particularly happy in his job and is just stagnate. I left town for a week so he could pack up and move out. When I got back he cried and told me he loved me. I asked him if he was “in love with me” since they are two different things. He said yes, he loves me and is in love with me but doesn’t want a relationship. He asked if we could talk in a couple of weeks. I broke the no contact rule a week later and had him come get the stuff he left. I also wrote out everything that I wanted to say to him and tried to talk to him. It didn’t go over well since he wanted to wait to talk. He still said he didn’t want a relationship but that he loves me. He also said he would contact me later. I asked him not to since I don’t really know what the point would be. My gut tells me that he is freaking out about the future and needs time to sort himself out and that he will still contact me. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 7:09 am

Hi Michelle,
if he’s just emotional then he probably will be more stable after no contact

karen

April 2, 2016 at 1:46 pm

hi,
My ex broke up with me after 6 years together and since that I was messed up. We used to live together and a month after we broke up, he had to move to another city for a new job. At first, I was being so desperated and a needy person. It just made things worser than before. But since he moved, I’ve started to figuring things out what went wrong and tried to accepting our breakup. We were fighting alot while we were together because of silly things and he said that I was not supporting him enough, not care enough too and he didn’t have a spirit to fight for our relationship anymore. I’ve started to realised that the reason of the breakup was mostly because of me. I’ve been trying to not contact him to let him heal and myself too. But I couldn’t really not stay in touch with him because we still have to talk about the moving stuff, etc. I’ve always tried to be a positive person while we were talking and never talk about my feelings or how I miss him. When he told me how depressed and lonely he was in the new city, I’ve tried to be very supportive and cheered him up. We don’t stay in touch everyday. But I’ve just started to think, perhaps during the breakup I should also sometimes ask him how he was doing and try to give more attention and supports to him. So that he can know that I was trying to be a better person and more supportive since we broke up. But I’m also scared, that we might ended up in the friendzone if I was being too friendly or keep in touch frequently. Does no contact rules really work on my case? Or it has just made him realize that we are really not compatible with each other and the relationship is not going to work. What do you think? I’m also scared during no contact rules, he might find someone that really cares about him and always be there for him. Because I know, how important it is for him to has someone that cares.
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Karen,

sorry for the late reply.. I think you should contnue being positive and friendly every time you meet for his things.. tell him he can come over anytime to have a chat and then busy now too be active in posting it while being friendly to him.. Take this opportunity to be his positive source while striving to be the ungettable girl.. try a little jealousy moves too.. go out with groups of friends then post it

CPL1993

April 2, 2016 at 12:52 am

How long should you do no contact with h someone who you’ve been with for 3 months or less, if you had just one minor falling out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 4:42 am

if you can talk to him first that’s better, but if you’ve done that already 21 days would di

Nita

April 1, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Hey! My comment is still on moderation but I wanted to update you with my situation… Today marks 14 days of nc with my ex and things are looking really good for me right about now (with my personal life) and I’m working as well as keeping up with my college studies. My ex bf broke up with me on March 11th because “He didn’t like the situation he was in” he felt like I was asking too much of him that he couldn’t give (I went into a depression and became VERY dependent and argue/yell) , I didn’t really show that I loved myself, arguments (about amounts of communications, nothing major), and I assume I was making him sad all together. (We were in a long distance relationship for officially 6 months btw) When we broke up I made the mistake by begging for him back promising that the situation can be better but he’s pretty stubborn when he makes decisions so there was no changing his mind at that point. He told me that he hopes that we can be eventually friends and as of right now (the day we broke up) he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I cried day after day and I didn’t understand why… We talked about having a future together and marriage came up A LOT. Neither one of us felt so strong about our future until we got together. I’m scared of losing him but I have all the hope in the world that we will get back together. When our relationship got rocky I wasn’t myself completely and that’s where I messed up….. I just want him to see how much I’ve grown in the past 3 weeks of us being broken up. Do you think I should continue with the 30 day nc or should I shorten it to 21 days? Like I said we’ve been together for 6 months and we’re a long distance couple in our 20s. I really hope you guys respond this time!

Nita

April 6, 2016 at 12:37 am

So he texted me the other day saying that he hopes only the best for me but I didn’t respond because of the nc. A mutual friend of ours contacted me and told me that my ex will be in town some time next week from Florida and I can’t help but to get a feeling that that’s why he dropped his pride and texted me yesterday. My 30 day nc ends next Thursday and I was wondering if I should shorten it and speak to him in a few days before he comes to town. He’s in the navy and it’s rare for him to come home, normally I come to him or he sees me on holidays (when we were together). What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 11:04 am

For me you can try to break nc to take a chance on that since he initiated also
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 12:40 pm

Hi Nita,

Sorry for the late reply.. It looks like you became clingy.. If you’re active in posting in social media, he will see the improvements.. It’s better if you do 30 days

Super confused

April 1, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi, so I am in a really tough spot. My ex and I broke up on March 20 (two days before my birthday). He had recently gotten back from a college/school trip to New Orleans for a marketing competition. Before he left, we spent everyday together and had a great time. He even told both of his parents that he think “I am the one”. I dropped him off at the airport and all was well. On the trip, he was not able to talk much and I was a little annoyed because I missed him but understood. On Friday, he told me that he loved me so much and couldn’t wait to come home but that is basically all he said all day. He ended up going on and I became frustrated that he wasn’t really texting me at all. We ended up getting into an argument and he shut his phone off on me. This infuriated me and I then had a panic attack. He knows I do not do well when I am ignored. I also have really bad anxiety, which he is aware of. He also has anxiety and body dysmorphia which I try to help him through. Anyway, I asked him to please just talk to me and that I was very anxious. I ended up texting him around 70 times and ended up pulling out some of my hair (an anxiety thing). When he came home Sunday, he met with me and told me that he just couldn’t take it anymore. He said that he hated himself as well. However, he said that he did love me…but that he just had to let go. I decided to implement the no contact rule and it was working until yesterday. I texted him about a money issue and he was very cold and I asked why. He said that he did not want to come off as “flirty”. That infuriated me. We had been together for 1.5 years and is treating me like I am nothing. I asked “do you even miss me? How do you go from telling me you want to marry me and telling your parents that I am the one to dumping me?” and his response was so cruel: “It was a combination of things. I don’t want to talk about this honestly parts of me miss you but then I think back to everything that has happened and all I see are red flags. Idk I don’t want to talk about it” That hurt so bad. Only PART of him misses me?! And he is acting like we had this toxic, tumultuous relationship when we didn’t…I am SO hurt by all of this. How can you say you wanna marry someone and then say only part of you misses that person?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 12:29 pm

Hi,

sorry for the late reply.. It’s better if you do no contact for yourself.. grow as an individual first, specially emotionally.. Coz it looks you texy gnatted him and became clingy.. Love yourself first before loving others so, you won’t end up needy.. Find happiness apart from him coz true consists of two complete persons individually choosing to have an addition in their lives..

Patty

March 31, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Team! I need some help.

So I have done the NC thing. My ex has been the one initiating 95% of the contact. So far once a week, he asked for us to meet up and talk. The talks are usually about our days, anything new, and sometimes funny stuff from our relationship. The last time he asked to hang out was last week, but I wasn’t available. I take long to respond to him as well. He says he just wants to be friends. This is the second time he has broken up with me and I don’t want to be just friends. I actually told him perhaps it’s best if we really move on (like no contact all together). He agreed, but insisted that we stay friends. I don’t think he got what I meant by the move on I was implying. It’s been a week since I last spoke to him which was when he asked me to hang out, but I wasn’t available.

I’m kinda of lost in what I should do from here. Help! Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 11:12 am

HI Patty,

Try to do dates this times to spark jealousy.. but don’t be too forward with the pics.. make it a group with other people then sit next to a guy he could be jealous with.

Cika

March 31, 2016 at 8:55 am

Hi ! My ex and I have been together for almost 2 years. And we just broke up about 2 weeks ago.
I’m the one who wants to breakup. And I admit that I was too overprotective to him. So, I decided to let him go without thinking. But after 2 day I just realized that I was wrong to do something like that. And I want to change my self to a better person.
And then, I just contacted him after 4 days and ask him if, there’s still hope. and he was just like “I want to be alone right now, sorry” and I said “even I change myself to a better person” and he answered “yes, I can’t continue this relationship anymore. and at this time I really want to be alone. sorry” And all I can said was “okay sorry”.
And I just found this article in website. but it seems like already too late. But I really love him. And I promise that I will change my self for him.
And to tell you specificly, when he try to get me, he tried really hard and never give up even his friends said I’m not that worth it.
And now I really feel like I’m in his position right now.
So, did you think that I still have any chance ?
sorry for my bad english, because english is not my major 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:23 am

Hi Cika,

It’s ok. You’re english is good. Try to do no contact first, build your own life and don’t tell him that when you start talking to him again. Don’t ask to get back. Rebuild rapport and attractions through text, calls and dates afterwards. Just take it slow..

Christina

March 31, 2016 at 5:21 am

Hi Amor,

I am trying to make my story short. So here’s the deal. I was with my ex for 7 years, when we suddenly broke up because he met someone else. I was devasted and wanted him back. After three weeks he came crawling back. My heart was so broken, but I had also met another guy. I started to hang out with my ex, while he was still on going with his new girlfriend. I still dated my new man as well, but I just needed time and also I wanted him to fight a little for my love again. We went on for 9 months and I finally found myself ready to go all in with my ex. I told him and he said he was ready as well. When the day came, where he was suppose to move back in and leave his girlfriend, he said he couldn’t. He was beginning to have feelings for her as well. I cried. This was back in november. During those 9 months there were many problems. I ended everything with my “boyfriend” and told my ex. He was happy about me not seeing him anymore. One night at a christmas party my ex were suppose to pick me up, but I ended up going to my “boyfriends” house instead, even though I told my ex, I wasn’t with him anymore. I lied and he got so upset. So when I finally ended everything with my “boyfriend” in november, my ex needed me to fight for him. So I did. And now we are here. It’s March, more than a year ago we split. He is still with his girlfriend and me at the same time. She does not know everything. I still want him back, badly. I am not seeing anyone now and I have been fighting for him for 5 months now. We have several times tried to end contact, but he just can’t leave me alone and I have a hard time not replying. The situation is a bit different now. I wish I just took him back, back then. But my heart just wasn’t ready. What do you think I should do, to get him back? Not talk to him for 30 days as well? He is the love of my life and even though our relationship has been one big mess, I feel like I can’t live my life without him. He still has many feelings for me, but also towards her. Please help me, what to do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 1:00 pm

Hi Christina,

It’s going to hurt but the best choice is actually to walk away. He has to make a decision because as long as you’re there, he doesn’t have the need to break up with her.. He sees you’re just there waiting. Put more importance for yourself so others will do too. He’s being unfair to both of you women.. Especially for the other girl because she doesn’t know anything. Be ready to walk away when somebody doesn’t treat you well, because in that way the right person will come.

Shonaa

March 30, 2016 at 5:30 pm

Hi, Amor & Chris

I have been going through your site since 3 days, my partner broke up with me on 28th feb, we were together since one year, he is divorcee and i was married but disturbed with that marriage when he proposed me, he said come out from that relation i will hold your had and i came out for him and his love. We had been sharing sincere relation with each other as we both have suffered a lot from our previous relation. everything was going well. my parents were agreed and his too at first instance but when they meet me they had lot of problems with me like em bit forward and bold believed that and i might leave their son after some time. actually am indian so we have to follow certain customs for wedding and they felt tht i wont be able to follow their customs. so suddenly he left me alone by saying tht em too much short tempered and my nature wont change and i wont do good to him. was feeling like my world had been stopped without him. i had taken my life’s biggest decision because of his commitments and now he is not interested to even talk with me. he has blocked me from eveywhere. phone calls, texts, whts app everything. at one point of time he was so desperate to get marry with me and now he doesnt want to here my voice even. i tried everything to convince him but everything has failed. even i had threatened him by saying tht i will commit suicide too. contacted almost every near one to him. but no positive response. we had so many dreams for our future. he was longing for me and i was craving for him. but at present only em there in this relation. i want him back as its not solely his decision coz got to know from his frnd tht he is highly influenced by his parents.
now dont understand how to convince him. pls guide me to get him back as early as possible.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 8:48 am

Hi Shonaa,

If he’s blocked you then all you can do is to do no contact. He’s an adult, if he really loves you, he wouldn’t be easily swayed by his parent’s decision.

Ana

March 30, 2016 at 5:06 pm

Hi! I wrote in another topic, but I didn’t reach the answer, so I’ll try to get it hear) We broke up a few months ago, after we slept a few times, but later I started NC. Week ago I contacted him for the first time, he responded. But I noticed that he deleted every single photo of us or me, even his favorite one. It hurts, even after NC. I think, he tries to forget me, to move on. But! When I said that I’m late for a meeting (he calls me with a phone) and have no time for talking, the last thing I heard was “what a meeting?”. And later he texted me: “What a meeting? New acquaintances?”. I answered: “Not really, nothing serious”. Now I use some message things, that I found on your site, but he replies it distantly. I think he takes amiss about me ignoring him for a month. I’m afraid that tide theory won’t work in this situation. Sooo, what do you think? Does he still love me? We were dating for about 3 years. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:52 am

Hi Ana,

sorry for the late reply.. I think he did miss you and he’s taking it slow. So, just take it slow too.. Don’t over think.

Rachel

March 30, 2016 at 2:26 pm

My story is: I’ve dated this (exclusively) for about 5 months. We hooked up before that and talked about going on a date but we decided not to because we both had too much stuff in our lives we had to deal with. But then we hooked up once again and decided to date.
During the first four months of dating he didn’t really know what he wanted and I was a mess because of it. He came out of a relationship for about 12 years (he’s 32 and I’m 30). The reason why he broke off with his girlfriend was that he fell for another girl who seemed into him. But as it turned out she didn’t want him after all. I think he had trouble figuring out if he had feeling for his ex and this girl during the period when we dated.
He liked me but didn’t know if he wanted to take things further. We had a lot of “talks” where I was thinking about breaking if off because of his hot/cold approach. I would say stuff like “I’m afraid of getting hurt” “I don’t know if you’re into me” he would be like “I like you but I’m not madly in love and I don’t know where this is going”. We never broke it off.
Then one day we had a fight. He told me that the day before we started dating (but we had decided to go on a date when I got back in town!) we meet up with the girl he had earlier left his girlfriend for. He said it was because “I have been such a mess this last year and I had to make sure it wasn’t because of her. I don’t have feelings for her anymore”. But I was pissed. In all of our talks he never told me this. I felt like I’ve had enough. I said “I’m leaving now (we were at a bar) and I don’t know if I want to see you again”. He got very sad and said that I shouldn’t. That he slowly had fallen in love with me. He told me how he had looked at things we could do together and were getting more serious with me.
After this I still got that hot/cold vibe from him and after a couple of weeks I wanted to know if we were in a relationship. He said that he had thought of us as being in a relationship since he told me he was starting to fall in love with me. I was so happy! But some days after I STILL got that hot/cold vibe from him, so I called him and asked him if something was wrong and if he had lost interest. He had tried to avoid this conversation and he was like “maybe I’m not really for a relationship at all” “sometimes I feel like I’m in love with you but it comes in moments” “When I’m with you all is great but when I’m not I don’t feel the love” “maybe I should just focus on other aspects of my life” and stuff like that. He seemed like a mess and we decided to meet up the next day and here he broke it off. He said he had feelings for me but not enough to build on. I was really upset and respected his decision. I told him that I would delete him from social media, not because I was mad at him but because I wanted to move on. He understood this.
Like 2 or 3 weeks after the break up I changed some settings on my snapchat and received a snap from him. Just a random one. I didn’t know when he had send this but I felt it was a drunken him trying to reach out.
After that we texted a bit. Nothing major. We snapped a bit but nothing major. Then one night when I was out (he was at home) I asked him if he wanted to come over and we hooked up. We had sex and talked and everything was nice but I don’t know how smart it was. It was a week ago and about 5 weeks after the break up. He had (drunk again) texted me that he misses me and I responded that I also missed him. He has also tried to hook up.
Now I don’t know what to do. I want him back, but I also want him to commit. When he broke up with me I felt it was out of panic but I also felt that he wasn’t that committed.
I’m thinking about texting him to ask what the hell we’re doing. I’m thinking about just waiting it out.

What do you think I should do? Do I have a chance with him?

As a side note you should know he’s not big with words, is kinda shy and closed. He also feared that he had gotten a depression (and he might had) after the break up with his ex because of the major life change it was. He considered my effect on him as something that got him out of it. I think he might got a bit scared because I was talking about apartments, babies and other things where he might felt I was very, very serious when in fact I was just talking..

Sorry for the long, long history and my poor English. I’m Scandinavian.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 8:29 am

Hi rachel,

first you have to stop the sex. I think he’s confused because he’s been in failed relationships consecutively and then you came in the picture when things aren’t that good with himself. If you want you can try no contact to have a kind of reset.

Krista

March 29, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Part 2:
Giving some background on my ex-boyfriend. He lived at home his whole time going to college and this is his first time being away from home and having an actual job. He’s 24. And he is doing amazing job living on his own, getting groceries, paying for rent, and doing his job. I have no doubt in his abilities He has a stressful job. And it is a stressful time for him.
He said the reason that he broke it off with me was due to his family not liking me. He said that his mother does like me, however his father and two sisters do not believe I like them. And apparently I have made rude comments towards them which I did not realize I did so. They also believe I have driven him and his family apart since my ex apparently argues more now with his family. (They put the blame on me for agruments) which I feel are growing pains. This is their first child to move out of the house permanently and I feel they may not like that. There is also more stress in the house due to the fact his father lost his job a year ago and is still searching. It was a high paying job also so the mother works three jobs to keep up with payments.
None of his family have confronted me about these rude comments. And I had just spent three days at the house for Easter. Granted those three days I was working on job applications, tests for my degree, along with other paperwork. So I was locked in a room for a good majority of the weekend. I was not rude and I did try to spend some time with them And I have hung out with them before. Such as shopping or video games or going on small trips with them. This semester for graduation is crazy. I work two jobs and student teach. (Don’t recommend that btw).
I am incredibly hurt that his family believes me to be rude. Yes my ex has made comments in the past about some things I have said and i asked how to fix it. His response was to just watch what i say. And I did
However my family is very different from his. Example of my family. My mother makes a beautiful meal and my dad picks at it saying too much salt or not enough pepper. And next time the meal should be fixed like this. No happiness from my family. And i dealt with that for my whole life so it seemed normal since I wasn’t exposed to anything else.
Right now he has agreed to do a break so to say for the next month to two. We still have to finalize the guidelines for what’s the break will be, however, we agreed that if we found someone else in the next two months to let the other person know and to let the Ex go. He wants to test to see if he will be happy or not without each other. And if we are still miserable and miss the other person that we would get back together. And then talk to his parents and family about me.
Last thing, he mentioned for the past 3 to 4 weeks he has thought of the break up. He says when he’s with me he’s happy. However when he isn’t with me she sees the flaws. (Which I mentioned above) However, he comes home every few weeks or so. And I asked him ‘Do you get excited to see me when you come home?’ Yes. And he has said many times that I am the main reason he comes home is to see me. And honestly, he hasn’t made friends down where he lives. And he is a social butterfly and needs people around him. He only works and comes home to sleep, eat and watch basketball.
I’m worried. I was definitely thrown for a loop. I was not expecting this since one day we talked about engagement rings and less than 24 hours later he breaks up with me due to an argument with his family not liking me. I was not at the argument so I could not even explain myself.
I want him back. And it sounds so mushy. But our relationship is good. It has grown; and him and I have also grown as different people and as a couple. The decision feels someone rash considering I hung out with him his friends and family for the past three days with no idea he wanted to break up with me. He acted the same as he has always been.

What do you think?

Krista

April 16, 2016 at 9:17 am

I need some serious advice
I ignored him all day yesterday. And he snapped me and messaged me and finally said fine, we are done. Which I was shocked it only took one day of ignoring me to get him that angry. Then he stated that he met someone today and I should move on. And well we agrued. It wasn’t pretty. ..
I feel really lost now. The fight was really bad 🙁 help please. I’m very scared of what happened. Very lost. I didn’t expect his reaction to be so hurt because I stopped talking to him for one day.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 3:23 am

Hi Krista,

when you did nc, were you active? Did you continue to do the things you did in that time? If the nc worked in him for 11 days, then there’s a good chance that if you do right the 2nd time, he will realize that he’s the one who’s wrong.. but if you can talk this out,talk it out first. Tell him what you feel in a calm way and what you expect in the relationship, that you understand him but you just need some clarification on other aspects..
Krista

April 15, 2016 at 11:30 am

Sorry to continue.
I’m not ready to give up quite yet. However, I feel like he is keeping me around to soften the blow of this breakup.
He also says that he is busy and exhausted from work (1st year band director) which I do believe him. He also worried about what his family would think if we got back together.
Honestly, I know the saying goes, if you really wanted someone, you would find a way to make it work. He’s not putting effort forth.
So as I said I am not ready to give him up yet because there is still potential. He texts me daily (like 15 messages maybe) just to say stupid silly stuff and to say hi. He’s the one that calls me at night to talk about his day (5-30 minutes long).
What do I do. So lost. I think 30 days NC will knock some sense into him. Hopefully?
Krista

April 15, 2016 at 11:22 am

Hello, my ex messaged me 11 days into no contact and sounded interested in getting back together. So I let him in. Now he’s being wishy-washy and says he does not want a relationship. But then some days acts like he is interested. What would you suggest? Should I do 30 days no contact and ignore him? Because the back and forth game of his emotions is annoying.
Krista

April 7, 2016 at 12:17 pm

So you recommend that I don’t follow his idea of the no contact for 14 days and just focus on maybe a 21 or 30 day no contact plan? His plan was to discuss the relationship and see if it has potential after the 14 days were up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 3:28 am

You can still do that just don’t mention that you’re going to do two weeks.. let him think too
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 6:02 am

Hi Krista,
If you decide to do no contact, it’s better that you don’t mention how long you will do it. So, you can really focus on yourself to heal and to have a greater chance of him missing you.

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