How To Get Your Ex Back When He's Moved On To A New Girl

aminise

December 13, 2015 at 6:33 pm

There’s this guy who was interested although we never got intimate. I asked for more time to know him and we’ve known each other a month. We kissed and nothing more. We both agreed to be friends. He’s mentioned his ex girlfriend twice as “ex”. Last week he started acting distant and complaining alot. Today he asked for space, said he was not ready to commit and said he’s not sure where he stands with his “girlfriend” & his life is in a mess. This time she wasn’t referred as “ex”. He also said he doesnt want to hurt me or loose me as a friend
Do I do no contact or do I still be friends with him? Thank you.

Rachel

December 9, 2015 at 1:18 am

My ex and i were together for 7 months, have been broken up for 5. He has said he sees me better as a friend, and he has told me he likes someone new and is travelling to see her, but nothing has happened yet and they are just friends for now. He is going to be with her for the next week, what do i do? do i try to get him back before he likes her even more or give up?

Leslie

December 7, 2015 at 3:34 am

My ex and I were together for almost five years. I found out he cheated on me with his best friend in July and got so angry I kicked him out. It’s been about five months since we broke up now. We tried to be friends but it ended up not working out once I found out they were together. I’ve already forgiven him and I know people think I’m crazy but I’ve had enough time to think about it, I’ve gone out on dates, I’ve really tried to move on but I know I still love him and I know he’s not a bad person. I know him better than I know myself. I tried to talk to him about having a conversation in the future about getting back together but then he all of a sudden (after two months) told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore (after living together for almost five years remember) and blew up at me after agreeing to talk to me about it. He cut me off and we didn’t speak for about a month and a half. A few weeks ago we finally talked and he told me he can’t talk to me or be friends with me because every time i try to talk to him he gets so angry at himself and it hurts too much. Like I said, I know him. He’s the master at pushing aside his depression which is why I knew something was wrong before I actually found out what happened. Also worth noting: his best friend lives all the way across the country and I know the situation well enough to know neither of them are going to move, plus his last girlfriend before me moved three hours away and he could handle that. He also told me he “realized” he didn’t want to get married or have kids, but I honestly think that’s the depression and all of this anxiety telling him that. We talked after we broke up and he talked about it and I could just see that it wasn’t that he didn’t want it, he was just scared because he felt so terrible about himself for what he did.

That’s the most condensed version of this mess I could write. I noticed you’d replied to a couple people so I thought id give this a try. I still have hope in us and I still love him just as much, so much I’ve already put this all in the past because he’s worth it to me. I know no one gets it but they also don’t know everything we’ve talked about and everything I know, and they don’t know him.

So I guess I just don’t know what to do next. Do I just wait longer? Hope Christmas coming up and the fact that our fifth anniversary was (supposed to be) last week triggers something and he realizes he messed up? He’s the kind of person who shoves everything so deep and he’s very out of sight, out of mind with this kind of thing. And I know that if and when this relationship doesn’t work out (which I know it won’t because of how it started and the distance and the fact that they wouldn’t be able to really be public, and it’s not that serious), it will leave him just as bad as he was when we broke up but without his best friend there to distract him and help him get through it.

MadeAMistake

December 5, 2015 at 11:07 pm

Hi Chris! (and anyone else who happens to read this!)

I broke up with my partner of 16 months at the beginning of the year, we were both pretty shattered but at the time, the emotional strain of the relationship was too much for me as I was going through severe depression (he was also) and I thought it’d be better for us both to move on as we’d sometimes feed off each others emotional issues and it was getting quite unhealthy (it was a distance relationship but that’s irrelevant, we both prefer distance and yes, were completely monogamous. He is asexual as am I, so sex isn’t an issue and never will be.)

Anyway, I moved on and by accident ”fell in love” (though I’d say now it was ”falling in rebound” lol) with someone (another asexual) who doesn’t experience depression (my ex spent months contacting me crying, begging etc, and I always did my best to be there for him emotionally but was really caught up in my new relationship) ..My new partner however turned out to be a psychopath (pathological need to hurt people emotionally) and dumped me after two months (which was lucky in a way)

Anyway, it’s been 9-10 months now since I broke up with the first partner, and I am slowly realizing how much he meant to me, how much I love him. We went through so much together, and have a really close friendship bond (we talk almost every day, though there were about 4 weeks in a row recently where we didn’t speak due to me distancing myself.. I pretty much just ignored him completely – it was during this time he met the new asexual girl. I had decided I wanted to try again, came back from no contact, and found he was with someone else) .. I realize I want to try again now that we both have better coping strategies for our emotional issues, I’ve grown a lot and have made it through so much.. I feel stronger now. I want to try again with the man I love.

BUT

As I said, during the no contact period (which was very recent) he met someone .. I’m fine with this, honestly, I had my time with someone and he deserves his time.. He still tells me he loves me regularly and says he ”likes” her and that he’s committed to her emotionally and intimately, but he says he’s not in love with her (they are in a distance relationship also, with no plans of meeting. Him and I are still planning on meeting as friends as soon as we can afford it – it will cost thousands of dollars but we both know it’s worth it) ..I know her from a forum where we hang out. She’s just turned 18 (I am 27) she has university coming up next year (so will be very busy with friends and life) has no plans as yet of meeting him (she told me she has plans to move somewhere in America because the sun will be good for her skin, he lives on a different continent so her future plans don’t seem to involve him at all) and I have seen her say 3 times to other people that she’s no good in relationships due to issues with dishonesty and boredom (though it’s good that she’s open about it, at least she can recognize it which shows some level of maturity I think)

So what I am getting at is that, as this new ”relationship” (they’re not calling it a relationship, they’re just committed emotionally and intimately) doesn’t seem too serious, what are my chances of getting him back if I take this slow and just wait this out? I feel like him and I can build a wonderful future together (we would always talk about our future together while we were in a relationship, and still reminisce about it now regularly) if we could just give it a second chance. Am I wrong to want this?? I am open to a new relationship if the right person just happens to come along, but honestly, I want my partner back :c I miss him (even though as I said, we speak as friends every day, there just aren’t the same levels of emotions with a friend as there are with someone you are intimate with, if that makes sense?? He is loyal to her of course and would never speak intimately with me behind her back, which I think is wonderful. I love how loyal he is.)

Should I just let him go and move on, or wait this out and see if the new relationship fizzles out?? And hey, if they end up getting married or start looking really serious, I’ll obviously step back and fully accept my position as a life-long friend to him with no chance of rekindling our relationship.

BLERGH I’m so confused! (I did ask if he’d ever consider trying with me again in the future, and although he didn’t want to answer due to loyalty to his new partner, he said he’d never say it’s not a possibility if the situation arises)

And just to be clear, I had decided I wanted to try again BEFORE I found out about the new relationship, it wasn’t until I came back from no contact that I found out he was with someone else.

Should I wait this out, or give up and move on???

_desperatelyneedhim

December 4, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Hi, my love story is too complex! Moreover I’m just too deep in love with him that this life is not enough to forget him. It started a year back when we both met @ a coaching classes. Little conversations,then friendship and then we got committed. There was another girl along with us in the same classes who had been always wanting him. They were friends though but our commitment was at a highly serious level. Months later I realized that he’s getting detached from me besides getting closer to her. I couldn’t take that feeling I chose to walk away and not disturb their happy life though kept the friendship alive. Once her new girl met me asked me to stop contacting him & I did so. I changed my contact no. & blocked him on all social networks. 4 months later he contacted me on my new no. And said that he wants me back n he broke with her! I forgave him for the past and wer together again for about an year. She came back in his life and started making him feeling guilty for chosing me over her. I could feel him getting stressed up but he would rarely talk about it. And finally one day his guilt made him melt and he again moved back with her and this time I’m not able to accept it and I think I deserve him back . Being a good woman wasn’t my fault. Plz help!

Kira

December 2, 2015 at 10:59 pm

I was dating my ex for about 4 months and at the time my really good friend was friends with him I always thought she liked him and he liked her but I didn’t want to confront Her or him but one day they were talking and then the next day we broke .up I didn’t know why no one he was hiding it from me the fact that she started dating him like just a week after he broke up with me. and now she rubs it in my face by wearing his sweater and hugging him right in front of me and I still love him

Taraly

December 1, 2015 at 7:20 pm

Please help me I truly love him

Nicola

November 29, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Hi, I known I’m only 13 but anyway, I dated this guy, lets call him Mark(not his name)…we met on holidays and he lives far away. We dated for one month and we always said we would have to meet…He live about 3-4 hours away. He made me feel so special! We Skyped all the time…one day his friend(lets say Andrew, again not his name) texted me and said ‘Mark wants to break up with you’. It was a very nice way…so I texted Mark and I asked him if it was true. He said it was..so we did…it went from ‘I can’t stress how much I love you’ to ‘I’m sure you’ll find someone’. We didn’t really talk after that, we did, but very rarely…..One day I found out he had a new girlfriend and I THOUGH I was over him but I wasn’t! She texted me and we talked for a while. She was nice then out of the bloom she said ‘I’m prettier than you!’ Then ‘only joking’. So that put me down because I am self-conscious. i showed a picture of her to some of my boy/girl friends and they said she wasn’t that pretty. But I still didn’t like her because of that! I get jealous because she gets to go to his house.(like I said he lives like 3-4 hours away :(..) I had a big crush on someone else but, I still think of him. I really miss him…Any advice???

Nancy

November 25, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Chris,

My ex and I just broke up after being together for 2 years. We rarely fought, were mutually very happy when we were together, and very attracted to each other. At the time we first got together, I was going through a difficult time in my personal life (my parents were splitting up), and it took quite some time for me to commit to him out of fear – I was dating others and was not upfront about this. I also had issues committing because he had several “secrets” that kept coming out – I did not learn until I had fallen in love with him that he also takes a fancy to men, and this freaked me out.
We moved in together after a year of dating, and a couple months later I came across hurtful inappropriate texts he was sending to a past ex behind my back (putting me down, and sexual reminiscing). He explained this was a result of not trusting me after learning I had not been faithful earlier in our relationship. He was sorry, and I felt betrayed. At this time I also learned he had not been completely honest about all of his “experiences” with men to me, and having only ever been with straight men I had difficulty understanding his bi-sexuality. We lived in limbo together for a few months, which was more like a long drawn-out breakup where he eventually moved out. After moving he decided he still wanted to work things out. We continued seeing each other, but I did not make him a priority and reverted to my past behaviour of using online dating sites, scared to re-commit to him. However, my feelings recently started coming around, as I realised on our dates I was always happiest when I was with him, and wanted him to be back fully in my life. Unfortunately he got sick of waiting and angry at my use of online dating sites, and officially broke things off two weeks ago, before I got to have a conversation about my feelings. Somehow the day after breaking things off with me he meets up with his ex girlfriend from before, and meets a new girl, and is now dating. He wants me out of his life, has deleted me from FB, and wants me to stop contacting him… He let me have a conversation with him regarding my side – explained I deleted my online profile, and set up a meeting with a therapist to work on healthy relationship behaviours, and he still wants nothing to do with me.
Do you have any suggestions on how, or whether I should continue to pursue this?

Much appreciated.

Chloe

November 25, 2015 at 1:17 pm

So me and my Bf broke up after dating for a month and couple days. The fatal day we broke up everything was going nice and smoothly until my (as she said) friend Julia told me he called me jealous of him am his to best friend witch that are Both girls. I always felt left out when his friends came over I would always just walk alway. I did cheat on him for 2 weeks. But he liked his best friend ex. Back to the day we broke up. We were in litutre and he asked me are you mad at me and I Said no the he asked me again and I said yes. And then the whole class we didn’t talk at ALL. Then I asked him about in the hallway and he said no I didn’t say that. He said geez I said don’t geez me then slammed my locker. I came back from my class and my friend told me he has something to you. I was going to apologize for what happend but he told me its to stressful we should just be friend. I cried. We broke up on Veterans Day. Today we. Will be broke up for too weeks. Well yesterday he started dating this one chick I hate so much. And he knew how much I wanted to get back together but nah apperantly I don’t matter no more after you met her. I just want to break them up or make him jealous.

Alyssa

November 24, 2015 at 9:43 am

Hi chris I was with my ex for almost 9months, 4months into our relationship I got the devastating news that my first love had been murdered I went through it very rough and began pushing my boyfriend at the time away, My family always said I was mean to him which I may have been he insisted I never was mean or mistreated but hearing it all the time from everyone around me I started believing that I was a b**** to him so I ended it by telling him I needed time alone to deal with my emotions and that he deserved better, He begged me not to leave him but I needed the time to deal with the death of my ex who was also a close family friend I had known for 10years and I felt like I was constantly hurting my boyfriend at the time. A month went by and I missed him A LOT but didn’t know how to go about trying to get him back so I decided to take a couple days to figure out how to go about it but now that I decided to go through with it he has a new girlfriend, I keep trying to tell myself to leave him be but I still love and miss him. I just need to know, Should I let things be with him and his new girlfriend and hope that if they breakup he’ll give me another chance or should I give your advice a try and hope it works out in my favor? I don’t know if it makes a difference but I was his first.

Hannah strong

November 17, 2015 at 3:52 am

Hi Chris I broke up with my ex on are 1 mouth big mistake he got togather with my friend who is not really my friend well any way dice the break up I miss him so much and I don’t know what to do

Sah'Brena

November 16, 2015 at 7:09 am

Hi Chris, im in a bit of a sticky situation with my ex boyfriend, see he’s with this women he knew since he was young but he didnt exacly break up with her she moved. Well shes back and he went back with her. he said he still has feelings for me and that he just dont thing its fair to her to move on with out giving them another try. Ive tryed being jusy friends with him like you suggested in your writting but she dont want me having amy contact witn him.I have some quesrions that i hope you have answers to am i being rediculous for still being inlove with him,do you think i have a chance, what do i do after the 30 day NC i know its a lot of questions in one comment but i just dont no if you would have time to actually answer these questions seperatly so if u can give me the time of day i would be so greatful

Hanna Laine

November 15, 2015 at 6:08 pm

Hey…anyone, I guess. I am just am just a kid( a freshman in high school) but I need serious help.
I was in a serious relationship with a guy we’ll call J. J and I dated for about 6 months, and it was a…somewhat serious relationship. I haven’t had my first kiss, so no comments with that please. But back to my story, he was a really great boyfriend. But then, around a month after the first day of school, he started avoiding me. He grew distant, avoided talking and touching me, and then started walking away whenever I came to our group of friends we shared. So, after 3 days of this, I purpusly took my time coming to the place our friends usually hung out before classes started. I literaly dragged him away and made him talk. Apparently he liked some girl, Mia, and met her is 6th grade. She got a boyfriend, so he moved on and started dating me. She broke up with her boyfriend and J still liked her. However, J is a sweet heart. He hates making anyone feel bed. SO after he told me he didn’t want to hurt me, I told him, “Well, lets break up so you can give her a try.” And that’s what we did. I tried to stay just friends with him I really did. but I couldn’t. I left my group of friends and started hanging out with another group of friends I had recently befriended. I still only tak and hang wth mostly ony them to this day, 2 months later. That is more than 30 days, but J and I still don’t talk. I avoid eye contact and walk away when he gets too close. Some of my friends thin I should talk to him, others say I should move on, some say do what feels most comfortable, and some say just….give up. I don’t know what to do! Especially because he is -I think- dating Mia!

Caterina

November 15, 2015 at 3:16 am

Hi Chris. I broke up with my ex and realized my mistake when I lost him. He started to date someone else very quickly. He has feelings for her. He says he still loves me and wants me back but he’s lost and needs space and time. I want to give him this time because I’m the one who hurt him and broke up with him. He said he would contact me when he feels ready. But should I accept he’s still dating this other girl in the meantime?

Anonymous

November 14, 2015 at 6:47 pm

Hey Chris,
I need advice about the mixed signals my ex is giving me. Me and my ex broke up in Aug after being together for a year and half. We had some contact but it was negative(arguments, not willing to talk to me) so we eventually stop talking in Sept. About a month later he contacted me stating how he was still in love with me and is no where near being over me. He stated that he still needs to work on himself. I did inquire about his relationship status and he says this girl likes him but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. We started to hang out and last time we hung out I wrote him a letter wanting to end conversation with him because I loved him to much to be just friends. Fast forward to now, he’s in a relationship with a new girl. I’m so confused!!!
Please help!

Keely Lake

November 13, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Hi,
My ex, loved my best friend while we were dating for over 6 months and once I broke up with him, I regretted it instantly. About 8-9 months after we broke up, he started dating my best friend and that has been for about 2 months now. I know I shouldn’t love him, but I still do and for some reason we’re still kind of “romantically attached” in the facts that we’re always hugging and laughing together. I don’t know what to do, since he is still in love with my best friend. Help?

Bal

November 13, 2015 at 12:07 pm

Hi Chris

I was in a LDR for 10 months, it was very serious. He was working out and we chatted morning, afternoon and night. When is contract came to an end he moved back home. We carried on chatting as per the norm even though we both live in different towns. All was good and we planned on spending time together in December. I happened to hear that he was involved in a 1 month relationship whith someone because he could not resist the sexual advances she made at him. I actually reacted very negatively when hearing about this since the woman has a history of hitting on men especially when they are vulnerable. I found it hard to accept since we had spent time together when he was on his R & R and even though I found out that the relationship started in the month he was at home it was hard for me to believe because we were still chatting up until the day I found out which was last week. I still have feelings for him because of the things we shared in depth with each other and could not believe that he would cheat on me because the interest he showed towards me was intense. He did mention to me that he had needs and I was far from him so he could not refuse what was offered to him. I stopped contacting him although he made contact on Saturday and Sunday and have ignored him since. I did ask him on Sunday if he still felt the same way about me and what does he want to do with regards to our going forward and his response was that he would think about it because he has a lot on his mind. Yesterday he sent me a text asking me not to make contact with him even though I have not. Do you think I should still pursue this relationship or should I walk away. Not sure what he is thinking at the moment and I know he will be going away on holiday for a week in December.

Please advise what you think I should do. This is eating me up inside because I have a feeling he still cares but was just caught-up with a offer he could not refuse. I should also mention his wife passed on in October 2014 and I did tell him that I would like to respect the one year anniversary of his wifes passing and will give him his space for which he respected me but was shocked to learn that his new relationship started in October 2015 the month of his wifes passing.

Cristina

November 12, 2015 at 1:11 pm

Hi Chris..
Me and my boyfriend broke up for an almost 3 months, after a week since our break up he dated with another girl and now is an relationship with her. 2 months he texted me constantly to keep in touch with me, but I wanted to make him to feel terrible and I told him that I’m with his best friend(but I’m not) And he told me to be ashamed and to get over him. I want him back, we have been dating for 8 months, I belive in “what goes around always comes back around” but when? I can’t do nothing, however, he cheated on me for one time but I forgiven him. How can I get him back?

Elina

November 12, 2015 at 12:36 pm

Hi
my bf is in a reltion with another girl i want to get back him to my life.bcoz i can’t live without him i lv him so much.my reltion with him was 6 yrs.bt now he is in a reltion with a another girl since 1 year. now i’m talking with my bf but he is also relation with that girl.now he is liking that girl so much and talking with phn every time.i feel so much pain when i got waiting in his phn. i’m really want him so much.and i also want to marry him.plz help me. now he has no interst with me,if i do nt call to him there is no reaction from him.plz plz plz help me.plz say what can i do to return my lv back. plz plz plz help…

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