What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn't Respond To You

354 thoughts on “EBR 041: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Respond To You”

Lost

February 21, 2016 at 5:18 pm

It’s been a month since we last talked and to my knowledge, they just got together. For real. A part of me was prepared for this but another part of me wish this was all just a dream. I wish we could start over again. Everything seems impossible now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 11:33 am

Okay.. since it’s been a month, have you used that month to improve yourself? Give the girl a competition with the new you.. Be focused on you instead of her because you can’t control her.. If they’re together, you have to make it seem that you’re just bring friendly, so your ex and the new girl don’t find you threatening..

what is this

February 21, 2016 at 10:21 am

will try & keep it short.
– ex & I had fight and broke up, he initiated break up & I escalated & confirmed it.
– blocked ex on everything, got over emotions, moved on with life (kind of)
– had crazy urge to see if he wanted his stuff back (after like 5 months later of no contact) he come & got it, we had an ok conversation.
-2 weeks later, saw a funny picture .. Sent it to him, we had a great convo.
– talking on & off .. Some convo’s great! other’s very short (some conversation ghosting) only really talk when I initiate it.
– we had a pet together (he has it now) it means a lot to both of us. He offers to bring the pet to see me because he says the pet & I miss eachother….?
– i say yes to the above out of curiosity, we have amazing conversation..memories, telling eachother everything ect. I talk to him for like a week afterwards until I eventually ask if I can see our pet again (again, because I’m curious) he denied a shift from his work (he always accepts shifts?) just to bring our pet to see me.. again, amazing time, great conversations, annoyed eachother, laughed, music ect. unexpectedly, I let him stay as he has issues at home (or so he told me) slept in same bed (like when we were teenagers) but no touching or anything (because im mean lol!) next day he says thanks for having him stay, he says he stayed because he felt as though our pet wanted to????
Is it just me or is he using our beloved pet as an excuse?? & now he’s conversation ghosted me again?? I think he expects me to do the chasing…

what is this

February 29, 2016 at 4:01 am

We’re talking again, he was just busy. all I have to do is ask and he’ll drop nearly everything to spend time, I dont think I’m doing the chasing, really. So I’m not really worried anymore.
he stayed another night – same thing as above. I haven’t really put much thought into our situation.. but he’s confronted me about it and said although he enjoys it, it was unusual for ex couples to do, i think he wants to know where he stands. he doesn’t seem bothered about sex. And he hasn’t been dating anyone this whole time he’s been si gle! Unusual guy. I’m not 100% if I want him back, just want to know what his motives are.
My self esteem is intact, thanks.
Kendall

February 27, 2016 at 1:22 am

Don’t you dare chase him. Stand your ground woman. Let him keep using the pet. U act like u are moving on and eventually do if he doesn’t step up. If he suspects that u are moving on that should be enough prompt him to come back to you, but if he doesn’t, then it’s very possible that he had actually moved on. Don’t play games with your heart. U are too special for that. Work on your self esteem honey.
what is this

February 22, 2016 at 12:09 am

that’s a thought in the back of my mind as well, although I’m not sure..
I might go NC for a while & see what happens? Or should I keep initiating conversation.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 8:36 am

continue to build attraction now while he’s interested
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi,

Hahaha, yeah he could be using the pet.. and then when he didn’t get the sex, he changed his mind.. But okay, lets give him time..let’s see what he will do in the next days

Malia

February 20, 2016 at 1:05 am

HI, i just finished NC and initiated contact with him with a reminder text asking for the name of a place we went to together. He replied within a minute and answered me, and a few hours later i sent him a second text asking about his interviews since i know he was really looking forward for some changes and improving in life. I didn’t get reply, was my text too dull? what should i do besides wait?

Kendall

February 27, 2016 at 1:27 am

Stop texting him. Ignore any guy that ignores u because he has strong reasons for ignoring u. Move on quickly. I know it’s not easy but it’s important u don’t chase any man, even subtly. Cos there is nothing subtle about chasing a man honey
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 10:23 am

Hi Malia,

You need to text it slow.. use the tide theory.. give it 2 daya before you text again and then start 1 text or 2 ..meaning your initial text and then you answer to his reply..and then leave at that.. next day or two, gor for 3-4 texts and so on and so forth

Amelia

February 18, 2016 at 8:56 pm

Hi Amor,

Thank you for all of your help! 🙂 My ex finally replied to me of his own accord but i’m a little unsure of what he means. If you could help that would be great!

He replied via email (to me simply saying that i missed him) saying that he misses me a lot too, he’s constantly reminded of me and that he wishes that we never had the argument that broke us up. He then said (word for word): Hope we can at least become gradually comfortable of talking from time to time, to know each of us are both well. Of course I miss you a lot, too, so much. There’s so many good memories to take away with us, no matter where we go.

What does he mean by this? Is he saying that he doesn’t want to be together in that way again? How should i respond to this?

Thanks! x

Kendall

February 27, 2016 at 1:31 am

Just tell him u are glad to hear from him. Don’t initiate contact again. Move on from him emotionally. If there’s any chance that u guys can be together, he’ll make it happen. If there is no chance (which he’ll show by his talk and behavior) u must dust yourself up and move on. Cos u can’t be the only one pushing in that relationship. You will become exhausted if you try to paddle it all on your own.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 9:37 am

you’re welcome!

That’s hard.. but what’s clear is he’s open to talking.. so whether or friendly not.. focus on being friendly then flirty later on

Mimi

February 17, 2016 at 3:06 pm

Hey Amor! I just finished my NC and I have been texting my ex for the past few days. I know he is super busy, (in school from 8-6 everyday) He responds positively. I bought the texting bible but im still at a loss for what to do. He doesnt reply back too much and it makes it difficult for me to have control of the convo and cut it off early since he will just not reply. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 10:15 am

It’s ok because you’re just starting out again and he’s also busy… it would be different if it’s a free day for him.. but just keep your convos short and think of it as building interest so that when he’s free, he’ll think of texting you

Amelia

February 15, 2016 at 8:23 pm

Hi Amor! 🙂

I have just finished NC after 30 days. I sent my first text three days ago (saying that i was in xx and xx reminded me of xxx and it made me miss you. Nothing too mushy or over the top) and he’s yet to reply. He’s an introverted guy who used to not talk to me for days after an argument. I made the mistake of calling and texting him multiple times during our relationship, so this is something i definitely want to avoid doing now.

I’m a little unsure of what to do next. Should i wait until he replies? Or try sending him a message on an app that i know he uses frequently in a couple of weeks or sooner? Also I’m not sure if he’s blocked my number for texts and calls (i don’t want to try calling him to find out), but i know he hasn’t blocked me on the app.

Any help would be great! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 8:52 am

Oh use the app next time… wait for at least 2 days..
Amelia

February 15, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Our mutual friend seems to think that he’s over me. And i’ve found out he’s recently got himself a personal trainer, something he never was interested in or did when we were together.

Sunstorm

February 10, 2016 at 10:45 pm

I am very happy that I have found this wonderful site. I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago. It was what I thought the men I trusted the most and one of my biggest loves. He was much older than me by about twenty years, me being almost forty and him in his late fifties. It was a wonderful relationship for the most part but long distance. His kids liked me very much but one did not want me to me over there. Religion was also an issue. But I feel that I was played by him as he loved me a lot but he went back and forth with commitment. We wanted to move in together. When he said he thought of solutions, he finally told me at our last meeting together that he could not do it for the foreseeable future. I had to stay there for days so while I tried breaking it off, it did not last. He broke his promise me to me and his word. After I left I pulled away and did not respond to most of his calls, he was chasing me after he told me of his decision. He was driving me literally crazy also about the next meeting that he was so unsure about like everything else lately. There was a time like this months ago when I left him for a short time but we reuinted. This time he confused me so much and I felt devalued that I broke up with him, in a nice and courteous way but letting him know that I cannot continue a relationship without a future. Also that sometimes a woman should feel like a priority too and valued, respected and not rejected. I think he cried a couple of times during the phone convo but he is incredibly stubborn, he said almost nothing. No contact since then. I am going on no contact. It will be hard not to respond if he does call but I have no idea if we stand a chance. At his age and having lived alone for ten years I really do not know. I have to take the chance that as much as I love him he has to lose me if he cannot give me happiness. I do not want to talk to him but if he comes back for his stuff, I am scared that I have to see him. Thing is I would only like him to contact me if he is serious and apologetic, I have no idea if there is any chance. I am ready to accept no but of course I am still hoping that he is the person I once thought he was. My problem is that he may get angry especially if I do not respond. Ok, then he really tells me what he is like. If he does not contact me for however many days I need to do, I think 21 probably, I really really do not want to be the one initiating as I do not want to be played mindgames with. He is a sensitive, warm and honest, ethical person but very insecure, complicated and scared to death of commitment aswell as stubborn. Do you really have to start texting them yourself after NC? I think to find out how interested they are, they should be the ones to initiate, not? Worst thing for me now is that some friends, all of whom advised to break up keep asking me has he called? I told them to stop it. This time I was really firm . I feel really sad, broken and tired, numb and even depressed, of course I feel relatively ok because I ended it. I am surprisingly ok but cannot help the deep sadness and would love for it to work. I am interested in some of the books suggested here but still exploring the site first.
Sunstorm

February 10, 2016 at 10:45 pm

I am very happy that I have found this wonderful site. I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago. It was what I thought the men I trusted the most and one of my biggest loves. He was much older than me by about twenty years, me being almost forty and him in his late fifties. It was a wonderful relationship for the most part but long distance. His kids liked me very much but one did not want me to me over there. Religion was also an issue. But I feel that I was played by him as he loved me a lot but he went back and forth with commitment. We wanted to move in together. When he said he thought of solutions, he finally told me at our last meeting together that he could not do it for the foreseeable future. I had to stay there for days so while I tried breaking it off, it did not last. He broke his promise me to me and his word. After I left I pulled away and did not respond to most of his calls, he was chasing me after he told me of his decision. He was driving me literally crazy also about the next meeting that he was so unsure about like everything else lately. There was a time like this months ago when I left him for a short time but we reuinted. This time he confused me so much and I felt devalued that I broke up with him, in a nice and courteous way but letting him know that I cannot continue a relationship without a future. Also that sometimes a woman should feel like a priority too and valued, respected and not rejected. I think he cried a couple of times during the phone convo but he is incredibly stubborn, he said almost nothing. No contact since then. I am going on no contact. It will be hard not to respond if he does call but I have no idea if we stand a chance. At his age and having lived alone for ten years I really do not know. I have to take the chance that as much as I love him he has to lose me if he cannot give me happiness. I do not want to talk to him but if he comes back for his stuff, I am scared that I have to see him. Thing is I would only like him to contact me if he is serious and apologetic, I have no idea if there is any chance. I am ready to accept no but of course I am still hoping that he is the person I once thought he was. My problem is that he may get angry especially if I do not respond. Ok, then he really tells me what he is like. If he does not contact me for however many days I need to do, I think 21 probably, I really really do not want to be the one initiating as I do not want to be played mindgames with. He is a sensitive, warm and honest, ethical person but very insecure, complicated and scared to death of commitment aswell as stubborn. Do you really have to start texting them yourself after NC? I think to find out how interested they are, they should be the ones to initiate, not? Worst thing for me now is that some friends, all of whom advised to break up keep asking me has he called? I told them to stop it. This time I was really firm . I feel really sad, broken and tired, numb and even depressed, of course I feel relatively ok because I ended it. I am surprisingly ok but cannot help the deep sadness and would love for it to work. I am interested in some of the books suggested here but still exploring the site first.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:02 pm

Hi Sunstorm

It’s nit realky a requirement. If you want him to initiate first, that’s great! I only say to others that theu have to initiate because I know they wanted to have a conversation with their ex and I’m assuming they can’t that long.
So, it’s like if you really want a convo happen, then feel free to start it. But if you’re strong enough to wait for him to initiate, that’s good.

Lauren

February 10, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Hi,
First, I would like to say that I love this site. Very practical and important information, so thank you! I have a long story, but the short version is that I have been on and off with someone for about 4 years. When things are good, they are the best, but we fight over small things and break up a lot. We didn’t talk for two months before the holidays, but then go back together. Long story short, I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago and we were trying to decide on the next steps. We got into a huge fight this past weekend- HUGE- and he has since ignored me, even though he knew I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. I sent him emails/texts/ etc. and nothing. He didn’t show up. I am heartbroken. Please help! 🙁

Kendall

February 27, 2016 at 1:45 am

You have to be strong for your beautiful incoming baby. U must require him to step up by being enough for the baby. U are important, so is your baby. U have to be strong. Because even if u offended him, his support for u as a pregnant woman should prompt him to be empathetic toward u. This is where u have to be strong if he is not empathetic. I need you to subtly take offense. Tell him to do whatever he wants to do. My dear, u won’t die. It’s so he sees you as a strong woman that he can’t manipulate cos he feels u need him so much. Yeah u want him, but u don’t need him. U need God to be on your side and u will be fine. So, be strong, everything is going to be alright.
Kendall

February 27, 2016 at 1:42 am

Wow. You have to be strong for your beautiful incoming baby. U must require him to step up by being enough for the baby. U are important, so is your baby. U have to be strong. Let him be. Some will use any excuse to neglect their responsibility. What I mean is even if u offended him, the mere fact that u are pregnant with his child should prompt him to be empathetic toward u. This is where u have to be strong if he is not empathetic. I need you to subtly take offense. Tell him to do whatever he wants to do. My dear, u won’t die. It’s so he sees you as a strong woman that he can’t manipulate cos he feels u need him so much. Yeah u want him, but u don’t need him. U need God to be on your side and u will be fine. So, be strong, everything is going to be alright.
Lauren

February 11, 2016 at 3:39 pm

Thanks so much for the reply and advice. He’s still ignoring me though, and he knows what I’m going through, so shouldn’t he be the one that reaches out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 12:35 pm

For me yes, especially in your situation..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 10:59 am

Hi Lauren,

Maybe he’s still angry… Let’s wait first.. at least two weeks and then when you getin touch, talk calmly on how to adress arguments and how to handle it when it’s happening, especially now that you’re pregnant

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 1:30 pm

it’s okay to feel those but don’t linger in them. Be focused on you. YOu should focus on progress with your life now. Focus on doing things that feels like an achievement for you and know that you are beautiful. And come to think of it, if she’s beautiful that’s good because that means she has to compare to you. But don’t focus on her. You should be making this no contact period a time for yourself.
Lost

February 7, 2016 at 7:46 am

But he had already admitted his feelings for the other girl and she kinda liked him back. Is it still possible to get him back ? I really feel like an idiot. maybe I had always been a backup plan. A replacement.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 5:17 pm

To be honest, they may even be in the honey moon phase, and I don’t want to give you false hope but you said he’s still checking your account, and in the long run when their honeymoon phase is over and when he thinks about you again he may check your account again. So, the truth is, if they’re in the honeymoon phase, it may take a long time for a chance to attract him back. And if the grass is really greener with her, it will be harder.

The better solution is to try to move on, but in consistent on being honest, if you’re just asking if there’s still a chance, I think there is. I just don’t think now is the right time for that.

Ms. M

February 6, 2016 at 5:54 pm

Thank you for the quick response,Amor. Thank you for being honest. I feel like I am not myself anymore. That his values and treatment towards me became so normal that I don’t even know that its not good anymore. I haven’t opened my facebook for 3 days now. And that after he said he want to break up, i told him that I am not going to take it seriously. I did apologize and said sorry to him. And the day after we broke up i texted him if he’s still mad but he did not respond. From then on, I started the NC. I dont wanna be active on facebook yet. Is that ok? I made plans for myself already and i know that he will not change if i dont change myself too. I am just afraid that he’s going to change his password. If so, does that mean we are really over? :'(

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 2:20 pm

If you’re not comfortable being active in posting, that’s okay of course. The important thing you improve yourself 🙂

Hazel

February 6, 2016 at 11:53 am

Hello Amor, and/or Chris, and thanks in advance for your time. To make a LONG story short(er), I am just going to summarize my situation in hopes that it’s enough to receive any advice back.
My bf J broke up with me back in May, we were together 3 yrs, lived together 1. An issue was his communication toward the end- I had no idea the breakup was coming. Reasons- we aren’t compatible. Since, he’s moved to California (I’m still in NJ). the summer was all stress, begging, calling etc. he hated me. I did no contact for 30 days in October. Then I reached out, within a day we were on the phone catching up for hours. From then on, we have been “friends”, but I am initiating mostly. We text and phone. We’ve even skyped probably about 5-10 times since then. Sometimes he’s warm, then he blows cold. Sometimes he’s very responsive, other times he flat out ignores multiple texts until I get upset. A few weeks ago he was sad about us, I could tell, and he was acting a bit different, listening to sad love music. Then it turned into anger. We talked about our relationship when I got upset about being ignored, he freaked out saying it’s not what he wants and if we are friends we are friends. But even in saying we will never get back, he continues to say you never know if my feelings will change in the future, but I don’t foresee it. But then he’ll reach out! All week he didn’t wanna talk much. Tonight when trying to talk I got back one words and eventually was ignored again. It’s all on his terms, but he won’t admit that. He justifies ignoring by saying “when I want to talk I will and when I don’t I won’t” And he actually said to me after our argument a week ago “I hate that you still have this power over me and can make me feel bad” because confrontation makes him miserable. We were gonna plan to see each other but now he tells me he’s just not ready for that at allX he doesn’t want to get and doesn’t know when he will. Is he fighting his feelings? Or does he just not care? Why even be my friend? Is there a point in starting no contact again? Should I just stop trying at this point? He knows I care, knows I love him, I reach out often and get very mixed responses, and I’m afraid to stop talking because I don’t want him to move on. Even so, this is depleting my self esteem and emotionally exhausting. He knows how I feel. And he even said in recent convo that we are compatible and we get along great and I’m extremely beautiful but it just would never work (it worked for years and he spoke about marriage and kids). I have no idea what to do next other than give up. Please, any input at all would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!!! PS we are 26, and neither of us are seeing other people. He is not a bad guy by any means, and the worst has occurred post breakup with us. Thank you thank you thank you again.

Hazel

February 7, 2016 at 2:12 pm

Thank you, that is great advice. We haven’t spoken in a few days and my last text was unanswered (at the end of our convo 2 days ago) do you think I should wait to contact him for a little? Not full NC for 30 days, but I’m not sure if I should wait for him to or if I should.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 6:12 pm

Hmm, wait for aweek, don’t initiate contacy during this week too, so if he doesn’t text, that week counts as the start of your nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 1:25 pm

Hi Hazel,

You said you just want to give up? But okay, I’m going to assume you’re just tired. I think you can try to tweak your actions first. If it doesn’t work, then last chance would be NC but after NC you’re also going to do the tweaks that I’m about to tell you.

First, you need to stop demanding or expecting actions from him that are for exclusive dating couple, right now you’re just friends. It doesn’t matter if you have feelings for him because in his mind, that’s what he doesn’t want right now; responsibility, commitment and confrontation.

But it’s clear that he still has feelings for you, so you can work around that by overriding your image in when you were not communicating well. In short, if he gets to have fun with you, physically attracted to you and yet, you’re not this girl who waits for him; he might get this feeling of missing you and wanting to be with you again.

PLS HELP

February 6, 2016 at 8:34 am

Hi,
I really really hope you can help me.
And give me a respond.

My ex BF broke up with me . initially I begged him and spamed him with calls and he got so angry and annoyed and kept scolding me… then I started NC .
I am doing well in NC and he texted me 2 times and want to show his concern as A FRIEND if I am alright.. and I ignore it ……… …. on day 25 of NC…. I heard from his friend he has already moved on !!!!! Because he has decided not to waste time on me and since I am ignoring his messages, he felt I am doing it on purpose !!! It hurts me so bad since we have been together for nearly 2 years. So I called him and asked him in the morning to meet me up at night and I said it will the last time and I hope to talk things out.. He said he don’t like to be threated and I started crying and keep calling him and he said no. He won’t meet me and doesn’t want to meet me at all. He see no point of meeting up with me … it seems like I had ruin all my chances…….pls help ? What should I do right now..

PLS HELP

February 15, 2016 at 5:51 am

Sorry for spelling and typing mistakes.
What should I reply him now? ***
Hope you can give me some guidance
Love you!
PLS HELP

February 15, 2016 at 5:50 am

I had already replied him..
And then
he reply back : omg, you reply!

What showing reply him now ????
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:12 am

Hahaha, keep it going but end in high note..don’t end rudely ok?
PLS HELP THANKS

February 15, 2016 at 2:49 am

He text me today !!!!!!!
Telling me that, this year for my horoscope it is a bad year… asking me to be careful and take care .. and telling me that I should go and pray often

What should I reply ???

Hope u can help me please.

Pls reply
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:05 am

relax..hahaha..ride on the convo..start a convo about that
PLS HELP

February 7, 2016 at 9:59 am

Thank you for your help

I forget to mentioned that 1 month plus ago…. on december before we broke up we had a huge fight when we go overseas and we scolded each other horribly. With alot of nasty things.

we broke up on 1st jan. I did all the deadly sins too..gnat. Everything .. and going his house to beg… and we fight again ( this is information for 1 month plus ago).
My previous comments is the recent news.
PLS HELP

February 7, 2016 at 9:42 am

I really appreciate your long advice . It helps So much when I have no one to go to .
Thank you so so much for willing to give me advice..
Not really. His friend said I should moved on as he has already moved on … his friend also said he has changed tooo and is no longer the same person…..
Like what I mentioned earlier
So I got so panic
And after that I called and begged (on day 25)

After that I heard from his friend that my ex said “” she will never change . She will just keep on crying. I hate being threatened by her . And I will never meet her as I see there is no point meeting up with her anymore….””
And his friend asked me to moved on .

Yeah, last time, I always give in to him and I agree with you !! If he contacts me I should NOT agree with everything.
I have a habit that if he wants to meet I will always meet him immediately…I know this us wrong.

I know I am having false hope again BUT.. 6 days from now is valentines day. I know its a false hope. But what if … if he asked me out on valentine day ???? Should I say yes or no?? It’s valentine day and finally he is willing to meet me .

I also complaint to his friends that I dislike him keep going clubbing so often after the break up… I told his friend this is the reason why I decided to ignore him…. because his friend ask why during the 25 day NC I ignored him… and he is angry . So I said the reason I ignore is because he changed and went clubbing so much … when we are together, he hardly goes club.
And he started commenting nasty things about me on social media… that I judge him just because of club.

Also he mentioned something like that online ” next time i will be able to find someone who does love the fuck out of me. ” he is trying to say I don’t love him…

(Previously)
He always tell others that me and him don’t match in personality, and i everything also need him, and things just don’t work out for both of us . And I am way too clingy..

And when I ignore him during breakup, he will tell his friends I never loved him and always mentioning” I was never there for him when he needs it” .. he also feels whenever I ignore him, its on purpose !!

This is driving me crazy .
He feels I am clingy, and when I ignore him he feels I’m doing it on purpose and never loved him.
He is age 22 I’m one year younger
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Oh, you’re both young…well, make this nc count… Make him see that he’s wrong..you have changed…
Hazel

February 7, 2016 at 7:58 am

Hi Amor, I noticed a lot of comments made after mine were answered but mine wasn’t. Did mine go through? If it’s too long I can shorten it. Please let me know!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 4:10 pm

Did his friend suddenly tell you your ex has moved on? It looks like that was his way of getting the upper hand.. the thing is, hmmm, he knows you want him back.

But the benefit of begging is that after you stop doing it, he’ll miss it. But also since you’ve done nc, he may think you’re just doing it again purposely and then you’ll eventually contact him after a month.

The only step I can see next is that you try to do one last nc, as in try to move on because it will appear to him that after you begged, you also realized you can’t try anymore..and then look your best self, and be your best self and be active in posting…Be truthful in your ways of moving on and improving yourself and wait until he messages, if he mesaages within the span of that nc, reply but maintain the upper hand. Don’t just agree to eveything he’ll say. Like if he asks to meet, tell him you’re not available on that day but you can squeeze it in this another day.

Take everything slowly.

The harder part is if he doesn’t initiate after nc, you have to make sure he’s not angry anymore so you can initiate first contact and then it will be like you’re starting over again as friends. Like just casually catching up on each other. And then buikding it up slowly again from there. But you have to keep in mind, there’s always that chance that he will try to move on and stop contacting you, that’s why you have to be truthful to yourself in trying to move on too during second nc. So, that it won’t hurt that much if he decides to stay silent in the mean time.

Ms. M

February 6, 2016 at 1:22 am

Hi. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years. He broke up with me over a small fight that turned out to be big. The only cause of the fight is because i told him that he’s too late to reply to my messages. I felt a little clingy because we only see each other twice a week now because of our diff working schedule. He said mean things to me like he was kudt waiting for the time to come, that he is tired and fed up of everything that he doesnt want us to get back together. That was after a few minutes from our fight. And then i started apologizing and that i did my best to male him calm and telling him that he’s judt angry and that i will not take his decision seriously. I already said sorry but he no lomger respond until now. I texted him the day after asking if he’s still mad but i did not get any response. I am still on the second day of NC. I forgot that i opened his fb lastweek and couldnt help but check because i know his password. There, i saw that he was searching for a girl. A beautiful attractive girl. He searched the girl 5 times yesterday. I felt hurt. And angry at the same time. He knows that i can see and know whom he is searching. What does that mean? What should I do next? Did he really mean everything he said? I am new to this because I am the kind of person who goes to their house and fix everything when something like this happens cause I do not want to end our relationship. But now i dont have the urge. What does this mean? I am looking forward for your response. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Hi Ms M,

It looks like both of you got bottled up frustrations. He’s frustrated with the clinginess, you’re frustrated because you want more from him. He probably just said those because he’s angry but when you’ pointed it out, maybe his ego was hurt and now he doesn’t want to admit that it’s just his anger, that it was really his decision. And from what you said, he’s used to the fact that you chase him. And actually that’s a sign that you have low esteem. That can be the reason why you’re clingy.

It’s better if you focused on that now while you’re on NC. Build your self esteem. Because a relationship should be a choice, not a necessity. That’s what he probably feels too, that it’s been five years and there’s no challenge in the relationship anymore. No more variety.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 10:25 am

Hi Lost

if he’s still checking your social media, thay can mean there’s a little bit of a chance. It’s like you have to start over. Be the attractive girl again before you dated.
Minnie

February 4, 2016 at 6:16 pm

Hi 🙂
Such a long time no see you, Chris 🙂 I’d just like to share my story, not a specific question, I’d just like to have some advices.
You may find this story so familiar, of course, I’ve shared you several times lol :)) But, please read it once again, if you have time 🙂
I and my boyfriend (he is my ex now) were in relationship for almost 2 years. We suffered from a long distance relationship, so maybe that why, we broke up (He said he was in love with other girl). At that time, I really wanted him back. I had read all your articles here, did every method I can (not sure whether I did it the right way lol). Yes, he came back to me, for 1 month – a-very- beautiful 1 month). Suddenly, I cannot contact him anymore. He didn’t answer my call or my messages. I really didn’t know why everything became that bad. He just said that we could not being together anymore. I begged, yes, begged exactly, for 1 more chance to fix our problems. Then I tried my best to fix but he seemed he didn’t care. 1 month later, I found him were chasing another girl. He was still in the relationship with me, but he did’t care about me, he cared about that girl. I almost went crazy. And, we broke up the second time. After, I still tried to apply your method and get him back once again: the longer no contact, then tried to start the conversation again, as much funny as I can… But everything just became worse. He didn’t reply anything from me.
Luckily, at that time, I met a new guy. I crushed him so much (even he was just see me as friend). I forgot my ex for a while. I heard that he had a new girlfriend, but I didn’t feel hurt anymore. It was a good sign to forget an ex right? However now, after 3 months no contact, I thought that I could forget almost totally about him, but I DID NOT! Even now I still love him so much, miss him so much. I’m not sure about his relationship now but it seems that they broke up, which make me feel badly want him back. I found out that getting him back can be easy, but staying together is so much harder. I’m not sure if I can do it one more time? I had failed. If we came back together, we might face up with another long distance relationship, even so much longer than before. I’m afraid that we might break up one more time. He is totally tired of me, that why it’s really really hard for me to talk to him, even say “hello”. I’m afraid of him, afraid of our future, even I really want him back. I’m not sure taking him back is a good decision for me, or not?
Minnie

February 4, 2016 at 6:16 pm

Hi 🙂
Such a long time no see you, Chris 🙂 I’d just like to share my story, not a specific question, I’d just like to have some advices.
You may find this story so familiar, of course, I’ve shared you several times lol :)) But, please read it once again, if you have time 🙂
I and my boyfriend (he is my ex now) were in relationship for almost 2 years. We suffered from a long distance relationship, so maybe that why, we broke up (He said he was in love with other girl). At that time, I really wanted him back. I had read all your articles here, did every method I can (not sure whether I did it the right way lol). Yes, he came back to me, for 1 month – a-very- beautiful 1 month). Suddenly, I cannot contact him anymore. He didn’t answer my call or my messages. I really didn’t know why everything became that bad. He just said that we could not being together anymore. I begged, yes, begged exactly, for 1 more chance to fix our problems. Then I tried my best to fix but he seemed he didn’t care. 1 month later, I found him were chasing another girl. He was still in the relationship with me, but he did’t care about me, he cared about that girl. I almost went crazy. And, we broke up the second time. After, I still tried to apply your method and get him back once again: the longer no contact, then tried to start the conversation again, as much funny as I can… But everything just became worse. He didn’t reply anything from me.
Luckily, at that time, I met a new guy. I crushed him so much (even he was just see me as friend). I forgot my ex for a while. I heard that he had a new girlfriend, but I didn’t feel hurt anymore. It was a good sign to forget an ex right? However now, after 3 months no contact, I thought that I could forget almost totally about him, but I DID NOT! Even now I still love him so much, miss him so much. I’m not sure about his relationship now but it seems that they broke up, which make me feel badly want him back. I found out that getting him back can be easy, but staying together is so much harder. I’m not sure if I can do it one more time? I had failed. If we came back together, we might face up with another long distance relationship, even so much longer than before. I’m afraid that we might break up one more time. He is totally tired of me, that why it’s really really hard for me to talk to him, even say “hello”. I’m afraid of him, afraid of our future, even I really want him back. I’m not sure taking him back is a good decision for me, or not?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 9:45 am

Hi Minnie,

Well, if you want to give it another try, you really have to be prepared to be hurt again. That goes for all kinds of relationship that has emotions invested. And if they’re really broken up, (I have to be honest) and he really loved that girl, you might end up being the rebound

G

February 4, 2016 at 12:35 pm

We broke up after 2.5 years. I was a bad girlfriend- anxious and depressed. Didn’t put the time into our relationship. Was overwhelmed when I needed to hang out with his friends or family, simple things that people in serious relationships do. I switched jobs twice and was always stressed. When i started doing stuff to deal with issues after break up he said it was too little too late. But wanted to be friends. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope it would transpire. When I found out when he was going on a ski trip with a girl (a friend but still) where they were getting a hotel -when we were hanging out as friends (something we had tickets to prior) I got upset. He said he wanted to ski this mountain, there were 2 beds and it was a romantic rendeveus (sp). Then I told him we couldn’t be friends since I didn’t want to think about what he’s doing or who with. I wanted to work on my issues and didn’t want us getting back together to be off the table. I said I’d given up hope. That he is moving on so I will too. He never responded. For the first time ever. I’ve been 8 days no contact, 8 days ago I even sent him money and he ignored me. Confirming my fears. It makes me feel like since he’s not trying to text and say otherwise Or get back together that he must be moving on. I was a miserable gf so maybe he is realizing he’s better off without me. In which case I’m afraid that after 30 days NC hell really feel like we’re not meant to be and move on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 6:05 am

Hi G

Did he borrow the money you sent? Well, we don’t guarantee that it wi male him come back but it will help increase the chances and mostly it will help you know yourself more

confused!

February 4, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hey,
my English is not so good so I apologize for mistakes first 🙂
my boyfriend and I broke up, he broke up with me after 2 years relationship.
he moved out of the country after that…before he moved, I did the no
contact rule for 30 days, and he contacted me…the moment he moved he
contacted me again that same night when he arrived there..and from that moment
we texted regularly, acted like we are in the LDR. sometimes the messages
were friendly, sometimes he talked like he misses me, saying things that
you would say to your girlfriend, not friend, remembering our relationship
and I saw he didn’t find anyone else and was in contact with me all the time.
Then he started insisting on Skype, and to talk more, to see each other…
I acted the same, sometimes as friend, because we are not together
anymore, but he could know I miss him… no one said anything about getting back
together. Then he came home, after 3 months…and I was expecting he would say
at least, lets go grab a coffee, or just to have a chance to talk to him since
he wanted to see me over Skype when he wasn’t here…but we only saw each other
that day when he came back, he come to my workplace to see me and I could saw
in his eyes he was attracted to me again 🙂 but after, he didn’t do anything.
I even insisted and told him that I wanted to see him! but he told me that
I am not any girl and that he cant do that so easily…after my insisting
he stopped contacting me…we didn’t get into a fight, I usually ask something
once and if he doesn’t take initiative I pull back. Now we don’t text, and I
honestly don’t know what happened…I don’t think I can contact him. but I cant
stop wondering, is it possible for a guy to run away from you because he actually has
feelings for you?! and what could be the reason for this? I know he wanted to see
me…I don’t want to lose him, I cant contact him because I feel rejected all over again, and I cant do new NC, or should I?

confused!

February 6, 2016 at 12:01 pm

I was lucky to see him by accident on the street, and we talked, it was fun,
he hugged me, it was great…I made him laugh, it was really fun…I reacted that
way because of what you told me, I was really ready to go into a new no contact!
so it really went well…he texted me right after that, the moment he came home, said something that was our joke, but
something how great I look… 🙂 Now I can start from the beginning with push and pull…
thank you so much 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 1:26 pm

Aww! That’s great! just a reminder, don’t go overboard with push and pull ok? Don’t be to off standish that you’re being intimidating.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 5:47 am

Hi Confused!
Your english is great! I think he was just not ready yet.. It was building up but then when you insisted to see each other maybe he saw that that’s where you want the relationahip to go. It’s not your fault. That’s normal especially with how the things are going better lately.. I don’t think you need to do 21 days but maybe just let it rest for 5 days.. and then initiate and build attraction, implement the push pull theory and I hope he realizes he has to take this the next level.

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