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365 thoughts on “EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Kristin

    September 15, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    I need help… Any other time my ex and I had fought we talked everyday until we got back together and it was great. And no matter what happened (exes trying to get involved and ruin us, insecurities, attitudes, etc) we always figured it out and came back to each other and it made me believe that we were obviously made for each other, because we’ve been each other’s longest relationships, plus we helped each other love again after we didn’t want to because of our precious exes. Now this very last time we got back together I had asked him how he knew that he for sure wanted to be with me he said it was because “I’m the one whose always been there for him” and it’s true, I’ve been there through every possible thing and it made me so happy. Then we got into a fight(over something stupid) and he got so mad and broke up with me and said this was a waste of time and pointless and that he doesn’t want to be a part of my life. And it crushed me that he flipped the script so quickly and everyone keeps telling me that he only said that out of anger and that he doesn’t mean it. It’s been a little over 2 weeks and we still haven’t spoken. I checked up on his Facebook the other day and he has posted some statuses about not being sure what was going on in his head and stuff like that. Chris I need help. He’s my heart. I need him back. I need help on how to get him back. I still believe this is worth saving and I know deep down, he still believes too. Please help.

  2. Avatar

    Jenni

    September 2, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Hey Chris! So my ex-boyfriend recently got an Instagram after our break up its been about 10 days since he dumped me and I have implemented the no contact rule although he hasn’t tried contacting me any yet I’m wondering when would be the right time to post a drop dead gorgeous selfie of myself on Instagram?

  3. Avatar

    Angie

    September 2, 2015 at 6:47 am

    Hello Chris!

    I am just wondering about the use of jealousy of social medias.
    I unfollowed/unfriended him on both facebook and instagram right after the break up, however,
    as far as I checked he is still following me on instagram. I think it is just because he is insensitive about it.
    He didn’t even delete the pictures of us.
    Ok, so get to the point, I am really curious about using jealousy. Is it right if I upload picture of a concert and
    for the comment saying like, enjoying the quality time with :P.
    Things like this that indirectly telling him that I am having fun with someone else.
    I’m just so lost about the idea to use sns to make him jealous 🙁
    Need so much of your help Chris!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 12, 2015 at 1:20 am

      It can be very effective but like I said it is like playing with fire so you have to be careful.

      I definitely think it’s ok to upload the picture but your caption idea is GENIUS!

  4. Avatar

    Leauna

    August 19, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex wants to be just friends for right now because he is too busy in the police academy and working a lot. He still loves me he just can’t handle anymore stress for now..I really wish he would be with me still. But we are on good terms for now however.
    Is it a complete bad idea if I have a profile pic of me in my bikini relaxing in a chair on the beach wearing sun glasses? I really like the pic, but I’m hoping its not too much ..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 5:24 pm

      So the only cause for the breakup was him being to busy? I think that picture sounds good!

      There’s an 88% chance that he is going to look at your facebook regardless if he’s busy or not. Most people look at their ex’s profiles after a breakup, regardless if they are friends on facebook or not.

  5. Avatar

    Anya

    August 16, 2015 at 3:14 am

    My ex broke up with me but still kept our picture as his main profile picture for a week. Then on Friday, he went nuts and deleted all our pictures that ever existed on his account. Pretty much every existence. What does that mean? Is that a bad sign? (He is in drug and alcohol rehab btw)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 1:58 am

      It sounds like he is having a tough time with the breakup.

  6. Avatar

    Erin

    August 14, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    Hi Chris,

    On the second day of the break up, I deleted all contacts of my ex, including defriending him on facebook. On Facebook, we had only one mutual friend with whom we both were not very close friends. Three weeks after the breakup, I noticed that he deleted this mutual friend and for the first time, he put a cover photo on his profile. (I checked his profile before, too but we still had the mutual friend and there was no change in his cover photo). He would not post any photos or use any cover photo before. The cover photo shows a seaside place with many people, but one of the girls in the photo is slightly more up front in the photo. When I click on the photo I can see the girl fully, but in the way it is adjusted as a cover photo, her body is cut in half and occupying the corner of the picture. I showed it to other friends and they told me that they don’t think that she is a new girlfriend. What do you think? The mutual friend we had was a man and my ex kinda did not like him. Since he met this guy through my friend circle, I kinda thought it is only natural. I’m more shocked with the cover photo because he really did not post any cover photo once on his facebook before. And he posted it while simultaneously deleting this mutual friend through whom I was able to see more of his profile. Is he trying to make me jealous so that I would give a reaction or simply he moved on and found someone else?

    1. Avatar

      Erin

      August 29, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      I tried changing profile and cover photos in the same way, and uploading holiday photos but not sure whether he checks as we are no longer friends on social media. However, they are not photos specifically with friends. Just some photos with scenery except for the profile photo.

    2. Avatar

      Erin

      August 22, 2015 at 7:44 am

      Chris, today it has been 45 days exactly and no news from him yet except for that stupid cover photo thing. In the previous breakups, I always contacted him first. I guess he really meant to break up and is happy with his decision as he has never tried to reach out once. I think I’ll give up 🙁

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:50 pm

      Did you try light jealously during no contact?

    4. Avatar

      Erin

      August 19, 2015 at 8:26 am

      Thanks for the answer, Chris. It’s nice to hear that. He has not contact me during 30-day NC, though, so I decided to prolong the NC. It was an on/off relationship and now if we get back together, it will be LDR, too as he moved due to work. I was planning initially for a 2-month NC, should I keep it shorter?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 7:12 pm

      Your welcome. Probably keep it a bit shorter.

    6. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      He’s trying to get your attention. I think he is trying to make you jealous.

  7. Avatar

    Julie

    August 9, 2015 at 11:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex has been liking my posts on Facebook since about a month after the break up, which was around 6 1/2 months ago. He has liked about 95% of my posts since which is strange to me. I also had been liking his stuff too as we are on good terms now. (He told me that he still loves me about 6 weeks after we broke up.)

    Lately he hasn’t been giving me much in my attempts to re-attract him so I decided to pull back and I’ve stopped liking everything. He has done the same to me so now nothing is happening.

    Do you think this is a good or bad sign? Is it good that he is aware of my actions which means I’m on his mind, or is he just trying to move on? Will he reach out to me if I stand my ground?

    Or is a Facebook like too small to even worry about 😛

    1. Avatar

      Julie

      August 20, 2015 at 12:30 am

      He broke up with me because he was very stressed with life and also dealing with some mental health issues. He said he still loves me but just needs to be on his own for a while. Your moving on comment confused me for a second but I’m not sure that’s the case here. He asked me for coffee a few times since, not said anything about our relationship but I just know he’s not over me. I’m not sure how to go about things now, do you think I have a good chance of getting him back?

    2. Avatar

      Julie

      August 18, 2015 at 12:47 am

      Yes about two weeks ago. Had very positive responses but have heard nothing since through texting. He has liked a couple of things since I posted here, what should I do now?

      Thanks 🙂 congrats on baby girl btw!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:42 am

      Thanks so much! Continue building the attraction through text. As long as your getting positive texts you can keep sending them. Just not to much 🙂

    4. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 16, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      After 6 months he’s probably trying to move on. Have you tried sending him a test text yet?

  8. Avatar

    melissa

    August 4, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    how can i record a podcast?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      You can just record it on the contact page.

      http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/contact/

  9. Avatar

    melissa

    August 4, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    what if he doesn’t want to friended me again? our relationship was good, but he said I was acting crazy lately and he is dating someone new in less than a month. I feel sad cuz he has an ex added and he doesn’t want to add me again.

    1. Avatar

      melissa

      August 4, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      we only dated for a month but we saw each other almost daily.

  10. Avatar

    Karen

    July 28, 2015 at 5:49 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was just intrigued since you were saying that ladies should use photos on facebook to show an ex that they were having the time of their life.
    Wouldn’t this reinforce an ex boyfriend instead, especially when he was the one who broke up with the girl?

  11. Avatar

    Hanna

    July 17, 2015 at 5:15 am

    Hi Chris – great podcast! I have one follow-up question that is specific to my situation, and would like your advice on what to do:

    It’s been 2 days since my ex broke up with me. He said he loves me still but relationship got boring and isn’t IN love with my anymore. Because I have tendencies to develop very negative thoughts about myself and become unproductive and sad, I unfollowed him on Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, and I deactivated my Facebook (didn’t unfriend him on FB before, so we’ll still be friends when I reactivate). I did this before I listened to your podcast – oops! I know he still follows me on all of these social media apps, so I will be posting fabulous pics of how fabulously I’m doing. However, when will I be able to follow him again? Should I wait until we’ve gone on a date again (if that every happens), or maybe when we’re in a relationship again? I don’t want to be viewed as a flip-flopper. Thanks!

  12. Avatar

    Pedz

    June 11, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    Dear Chris I just love your website,thank you so much!!!
    my ex bf is a very popular guy,,he is veryyy handsome,,clever and charming but he is cheating on me and he never confess and each time he says he only loves me!! once i found it out and ive broke up with him but he never stopped calling me. he even dated another girl who was someone in my circle!!! but he called me and texted me several times in a week during 5 months i put him in NC rule..i mean he never stoped calling me during these 5 months but at the same time ive heard he was dating other girls too!
    2 weeks ago he wrote a long text for me begging me to forgive him,,finally i respond to him and we decided to have another chance with eachother.but i dont trust him,,,i think he still might cheat on me! how can i make him commit? does he ever love me?

  13. Avatar

    Elspeth

    June 5, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Does the NC have reversed effect on the person (me) who applies it?

    I have just completed the NC (actually on day #32 now). I don’t feel ready to contact my ex yet because I myself have mixed feelings. I really want to reconnect with him but rationally speaking it looks like it’s very hard to have a relationship. We were together for 5 months but it was a long distance and both of us were super busy with work, travelling, family commitment etc… We parted amicably, with him saying that he wanted to be single for a while to focus on his career and become more independent (coz he was the kind of guy who was in and out relationships a lot in the past and he didn’t like that fact, but he thought that it was because of his lack of love as a young child that he became needy even as a grown up, and now (he said) that he wants to be more mature on his own), and me after hearing that and felt hurt, just calmly told him it wasn’t a good timing for us. I initiated NC but told him about it.

    I’ve been doing relatively well with myself during the 32 days since then. I work more efficiently, participate on my online classes, doing a lot of work-outs and a little of travelling. However, my social life is horrible, not only because I’m shy (a little), but also because I’m in a new city in a country where I don’t speak the language very well and it’s difficult to make friends here. However, from what I’ve seen on his fb, he has a much more active social life (or it seems). I tried my best to not stalking him too often (he contacted me once, I didn’t answer, and still likes my posts once in a while), but recently I checked and saw him having fun activities and hugging girls in parties. I immediately felt sad, a little pathetic about myself (though I DO enjoy being on my own, it’s a bit boring in this small town where nothing happens and I know too few people), and more jealous!

    I’ve been trying to understand my feelings here, because it’s confusing for me. Do I feel jealous because I see him with other girls, and having a fun life? While I know I have to improve my social life anyway (been trying but no luck yet), I feel I do that ALSO because I don’t want to see him having more fun than me (without me). It looks like the NC is doing reversed psychology on me! Is it supposed to be so? Is he becoming the Ungettable guy for me now? While I know I’ve become much more attractive (a lot of gym!) and better self that at the time of the break up, the feeling of jealousy no matter what sort, makes me feel so uncool right now that I don’t think I’m the Ungettable girl yet 🙁

    I don’t know if I should contact him. I actually feel weaker and even a little hurt (jealousy?!?) compared to the first 30 days of NC. I’m waiting a couple of days more to see how it goes. I was quite cool about reconnecting (even prepared myself for low expectation), but now I’m so confused that I don’t feel cool inside me anymore.

  14. Avatar

    Candace

    May 20, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Im not trying to get my ex back. I’m friends with a guy, we hooked up a few times went on a few dates, and I said I wanted to be just friends. Then some time passed, he joined me out to events with other guys that I was dating (I know I’m an idiot, like the worst kind). I fell for him in a big way and recently I admitted it. He sends me 32 messages in a row, basically saying he cares and wants to have a future with me but his career and financial situation is crazy and he has nothing to offer me. I didn’t know what to say other than I understand and talk soon xx. I’m like that, super short. Not really into going on and on, but I do believe him. Anyway that was two weeks ago, and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been doing NC, prior to reading your article only because I thought I’d give him some space, let him come to me when he’s ready. Is that dumb? If he does reach out should I ignore it or engage? Should I reach out like you say in your other posts, after 30days? Anyway at first I thought your site was crazy with the whole getting an ex back stuff. There are so many passionate people on her, mostly women. My father says that when a man loves you nothing can keep him from pursuing you. I dodged a lot of guys that didn’t “come correct,” but this guy I can stop thinking about. I really adore him. Seems like you have a lot of great advice which I appreciate.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 20, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      32 messages in a row…

      Seriously?

      If you are in NC then you have to ignore it.

  15. Avatar

    Hopeless

    May 13, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    Question: Why would your ex boyfriend like your pic on Instagram and then unlike it after a week? It has happened twice.
    He has a girlfriend. We broke up 3 years ago. It was two pics that I looked really good in. Why not unlike any of the other pics? What could be the reason behind this?
    Maybe his gf unlikes them? If that is the case, why not delete me completely from all social media? Trying to get attention?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Probably b/c he was expecting some reciprocation from you after the like and then when he didn’t get it he unliked it to prove a point to you.

      IN other words, to get attention.

  16. Avatar

    Jan

    May 1, 2015 at 2:33 am

    Hi Chris! I just want to clarify if the NC Rule covers likes too? If I like something he posts, like a photo or a status, does that mean I broke the NC? What if I like a post by another friend where’s he’s tagged, a photo of a friend with him in it, does that count as breaking the NC Rule? My ex and I have a huge number of common friends and do a lot of activities with similar sets of people (separately), and we parted amicably.

  17. Avatar

    becca

    April 6, 2015 at 8:27 am

    I really don’t know which way to go now. I’ve tried to send a text or 2 to him but I think his number has changed.. so as ive said before, It’ll look weird if I found/used that number.
    Over the last couple days, some weird things have been happening. He’s completely deactivated his fb account, which makes me question why now? Why after we’ve been split a year, why not do this before or create a new one with hia New girlfriend? So yeah, that seemed strange.. considering he’s a geek and it seems now he’s had to get rid of his online business coz there’s no other way of drumming up buisness for him now?
    Whilst he’s been with her (a year in June, but feels like a lifetime 🙁 ) He’s lost alot of his friends, his beloved band that he worked hard for, and now it seems his social media account and business.. I’ve heard that she is controlling and considering he’s known her longer than me (we were together 5years) I thought he’d have figured her out by now.. he used to tell me when they were in school she got in into smoking and drinking etc but whilst we were together he really struggled to quit.. so in my eyes, if she wasn’t around to offer the cigarettes he may not have started in the first place. I know it’s been nearly a year but could this still be a rebound? Or a gig syndrome?, he’s always seemed to put her on a pedestal and was even an usher at her wedding!! She also cheated in November and was seen by many of my friends kissing another guy.. she even spoke to one of my friends so he deffo knew it was her! I’ve tried to become the UG and think I’m achieving that well considering I have alot of male attention recently.. I have become happier in myself which is obviously more positive. He just can’t see it, I’ve considered trying to make him jealous by making a rumour that I’m in seeing someone but I know he’s insecure.. he used to have medication for panic attacks and depression and in my experience they go hand in hand.. this is why I think it won’t last as his new girl was previously married and it only lasted 7 months.. there is so much more to add to this crazy story but can you just answer my question – is it a rebound still? then I’ll probably ask you more 😀

  18. Avatar

    Michelle

    April 2, 2015 at 6:05 am

    So I unfriended my ex on facebook because I didn’t want to see his posts and/or who he was talking to because I knew it would make becoming an ungettable girl much more difficult. I’d be obsessing and anxious all the time and definitely not confident. I’ve booked a trip with my cousin to Vegas and I got my hair done, so my posts on these subjects I’ve made public so anyone can see them. Like you suggested, they are subtle posts. Do you still think that he would be checking my profile?

    1. admin

      admin

      April 3, 2015 at 12:00 am

      I do, remember there is a 90% chance he is.

      That is really high

  19. Avatar

    Jess

    March 31, 2015 at 3:21 am

    Hi Chris,
    So my ex and I are still friends on Facebook and follow each other on Twitter. But he deleted me off snapchat a month after our breakup which was 5 months ago. He’s also my contact in Skype but he hasn’t been online since November. I also got a new phone and number around Christmas time. Our mutual friend has my new number (but I kept my old number too on my old phone). His sisters used to follow me on instagram but now they’ve both unfollowed me on there. Since our breakup, I’ve been avoiding facebook. I went on once and looked at his profile and saw that he got into one of his top schools but I didn’t comment or like his post at all. However, after our breakup he posted pictures where a girl was next to him continuously in all his pictures (there was nothing going on luckily) and he hit on this girl he liked a few years ago that likes him on and off along with his best friend, who is my best guy friend. She doesn’t like him but my ex flirted with him 3 weeks after our breakup. I’m afraid to go back onto facebook to see what is going on with him. I’m really happy he got into his top college but he announced it so long ago, I feel like a stalker if I mention over text. Plus, if I suddenly text him to give him my new number won’t it seem weird?

  20. Avatar

    E

    March 29, 2015 at 3:22 am

    Hey chris thanks so much for this! Because my ex just friended me back on snapchat and this seems like a good way to do it! But the only problem is he has a girl friend and we have been broken up for over a year is it to late? And he friended me back a few days ago but just tonight I saw that the girlfriend asked him to semi what do I do?? Is it too late and I have a few classes with him in school and he will always try to join in on a conversation Im having with a mutual friend of ours now what??? Again is it to late? Can I even win him back? Thanks again,
    E

    1. admin

      admin

      March 29, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      You are so welcome.

      He has a girlfriend?

      Just trying to gauge the situation. What did hte girlfriend ask him exactly?

    2. Avatar

      E

      March 30, 2015 at 1:09 am

      You have probably seen something like it. She asked him like this not exactly saying this but similar.

      https://www.pinterest.com/pin/42854633926533671/

    3. admin

      admin

      March 31, 2015 at 10:10 pm

      Clever…

      I have to admit I wish I was that clever when it came to asking out dates in high school.

    4. Avatar

      E

      March 30, 2015 at 1:12 am

      Sorry I forgot to mention that before they were dating I wanna say a few days before they started “talking”/dating, he was talking to me saying he missed me and brought things from our past relationship like old jokes basically the good times. He said he wanted to start over and start “talking again” but again Idk really it’s really confusing.

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