What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend

169 thoughts on “EBR 010: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend”

Jenna B

February 7, 2016 at 8:43 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I were together for 3 years and broke up four months ago due to him having depression and from what I can tell just losing interest in me and his maturity. He never gave me a reason but i’m pretty sure that was it as he always said how he wanted to get girl no. 10 (I was the ninth girl he slept with), wanted a threesome which I could never do personally, missed going on nights out with his best mate due to lack of money and work, and spending all his money as soon as he was paid. Now he’s in a relationship with this new girl who he met through online dating despite his continual lamenting that no one is ever interested in him on nights out and he never got any matches on his dating profiles. He added her on social media at the end of last month, went on one date a few days later, then within another couple of days he was in a relationship with her. She is younger than me (he and I were the same age in our mid 20s and she’s early 20s) but i’ve noticed several similarities between us including her being from the same area as me (we are both not originally from where we live now), both being brunettes, both being the same body types (curvy and overweight, though she looks more like I used to as I lost weight due to health reasons) and her name is even my middle name, his favourite name. So far he seems happy and he has blocked me on social media but no other ways from what I can see, and he doesn’t want to talk to me right now but I’m doing no contact either way. We do work together and it’s been a tough couple of days since they started their relationship at the beginning of the month and he’s been very short with me at work (i’ve been trying to keep all our conversations work related) and I’ve been told she doesn’t like the fact we work together.

I’m intrigued as to whether or not this relationship can be for real or whether it is a rebound because of our similarities, the speed that they got into a relationship after meeting, and the fact that she’s younger than me when coupled with the things that he missed while being in a relationship with me he could potentially now get with her. I’m also intrigued by her reaction to me, almost as if she feels threatened by my presence still in his life though we have only seen and spoken to each other twice since their relationship started as I’m personally doing the no contact rule and have been for the last week.

Jenna B

February 8, 2016 at 6:44 am

No, all the other girls have not been like me. We might have shared a couple of traits but this one seems like almost an exact copy. I just want to understand his behaviour. To be with someone for three years surely leaves a mark and the fact he’s moved on so quickly to someone so similar seems very strange to me. Then add in her not liking we work together as I said makes me think she’s threatened by me. I don’t know how much she knows about our relationship, he erased everything about me from his social media page but like I said there are other lines of communication he’s kept open not that i’m using them. If she is then is she just concerned I still have feelings for him or more importantly that he still has feelings for me because of the length of our relationship and how close we were? We weren’t just partners after all, we were best friends too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 3:41 am

It’s hard to tell because even if he just mentioned you were his without even mentioning how he feels about, the new girl will normally be on guard when it comes to you
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2016 at 6:13 am

Hi Jenna B,

He’s thinking is not normal. He chose that girl because both of you fit in his preferred type. You said it yourself, you both have his favorite name. Did all the other 8 girls look like you two too? Honestly, I don’t even think you should go back with him. And after girl no. 10 what would he’s plan be by then?

M

November 3, 2015 at 10:11 am

Hi Chris! My ex boyfriend and I have known each other for almost 7 years, we always cared about each other and talked from time to time to catch up. This year, we started a relationship. We were together for 5 months. It was like an “ideal” relationship most of the time, we even talked about the future of it saying that we could probably end up getting married someday. At some point I had some jealousy issues and I was having some problems with my family. Suddenly, he told me that he needed time (this was on Sept. 18), two weeks later I talked to him and he broke up with me saying that we were too different. I didn´t know about NC, so the first 2 weeks after the break up I texted him twice, nothing regarding the relationship, just friendly, he responded. And I also wished him a happy birthday last week. It has been just 3 weeks since the official break up and I think that he might be dating a new girl, nothing official, just dating. But I think they might have been talking before we broke up. Now I know about NC, so I’m doing it. I know it’s a difficult case but I’ll try to get him back. We’re still friends on every social networking sites. On Snapchat, he sees all of my stories, and most of the time he is the first one to see them. I see just some of his stories, and I have been wondering if I should stop seeing them because of NC. Should I do that or I’m allowed to see them? I think if I stop seeing them he will stop seeing mine and I don’t want that but I don´t know what to do.
Caramel Mocha

October 16, 2015 at 3:03 pm

Oh Chris!
Whenever I’m about to lose hope, you enter the picture, snatch that hope and put it right before me. I’m not delusional or schizophrenic and definitely not hopelessly romantic.
I contacted my ex boyfriend after 3 years and we met. Things went smooth for a couple of months, a little bit of texting, a phone call once a week, etc. I had just come out of a relationship and didn’t want to put myself into more confusion.
However, there is one thing he kept from me- HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! WTF
I asked him explicitly and when he said he did, I said, “its totally wrong what we’re doing”. He said he thought we’d be friends. I said, ya I thought that too but I guess I cannot. So, was his interest just to be friends? Can I expect more or should I just leave them alone?
I think I’m not gonna talk to him. I really love him and would definitely want to get back together. But shouldn’t it be his decision? Additional information: After the breakup, he admitted to his friends it was a mistake, he is in the army and posted in a jungle (no phone, internet) and said he wanted to meet up when he got a leave.

Is there a hope Chris?
Love
(__)7

Chris Seiter

October 17, 2015 at 5:55 am

Ok, here is the first of many questions I will probably have.

Did you use any of the strategies I teach here yet?

Patty

September 22, 2015 at 2:00 pm

Hi Chris. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. We been together for two years. After the first month of the breakup he started dating someone but it only last a month and he reach out to me to tell me that he still loves me but he doesn’t want to get back together because he is still very hurt (when we broke up I said a lot of mean things to him…) but he also told me that he was only with that girl because it seems impossible to him to forget me. He also told me that the only bad memory of the relationship he has if when we broke up. But that same week he told me that he is starting to talk with a new girl and that he is really into her. Should I move on?
sapphire

August 17, 2015 at 12:09 pm

hi chris ,
please do help on winning my ex boyfriend bback to me ..
he broke up with because of my attitude ,, and then he was irritated and mad of this attitude , i was needy and always mad at him .. so the he broke with me i did not sorry .. so after two days i went to his house and apologise .. but he said we don’t the relationship anymore .. i begged, cried , pleased him but he said he just want to be frinds for now .. but later i ask his phone but he refuses to give it to me .. so i forcely ask for ot and find in his room .. but i can’t see it . so i pleased him to give it to me .. he refuses so i doubt it too much so i forced him .. and later he give it to me and i saw messages that his flirtinf with other woman .. so i ask her “who is she?” then he told me that she’s courting the girl .. so i got so mad and shouted at him .. blah blah blah … i decided to go home and just apologise to him before i leave but he didn’t want to accept it .. by the way we’ve been 2 years in relationship .. i know his new girl is just a rebound .. my question is .. is there a chance of winning him back after how cruel i was ? but why he is affected when i posted on fb that i am happy even after break up ? and after that he posted photos too with the girl ? and the following day .. the phone number of his father texted me but i did not reply coz i’m suspecting that he is just that person .. and inthe afternoon the number keeps calling me but i snob it .. what does all it means ?? help me to understand my situation ,, ty .. i always read ur articles .. helps a lot . btw im using the NCR for almost 3 weeks now since the break up . thanks
Amy

August 15, 2015 at 5:49 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for 5 and a half years, two months ago he broke up with me claiming I pushed him away and I acknowledge that of what I’ve done wrong. About a week ago he reached out to me confessing he had a big breakdown realizing how much it hurt being without me and telling me that im the one for him. but A week or two after ending things with me he started talking and hanging out with a co worker. He told me he would have fun going out with her and started caring for her. Not sure if he is leading her on because I found out he would tell her he loved her. He also mentioned they were both going through the same situation of breakups. Is she a rebound? He tells me that he does want this relationship with me but that it’s going to take a lot of work. I asked if this meant we were together and he just says that he wants to move forward and see if we can work this out. I’ nervous he won’t cut ties with the other girl and play me. He claims the other girl is giving him hell at work because she found out that he started talking to me. Is he using us both or is he confused about his feelings for the both of us? How do I react to him not committing but wanting to work things out?
Marian GM

July 17, 2015 at 11:15 pm

hi i am desperate, my boyfriend and I broke up he told me he did not want to know more about me, and that he no longer loved me, I begged him lei after that was to send a message but it was a recording and I told him that It was good, I understood his reasons and hoped that one day everything was good between us he just replied not worry about it. After I did the NCR, for 21 days I sent him a message with a meme he just responded with an emoticon then I did it again for a week the NCR, I sent him back a meme and just answered me with emoticon, I waited again a week and I sent him a message telling him I not going to believe what happened to me, he answered me what happened? a little faster than the last time after I told him my story just responded with an emoticon, during periods of NCR, I published things about what I was doing, I do not know if this influenced him not me answer right now, and the worst is that he now has a girlfriend and we only have three months we broke up, I do not know what to do chris, please help meto talk mor with him o don´t know what am i doing wron?
Zenyth

July 8, 2015 at 2:13 pm

Hey Chris,

So I decided go through with NC. He didn’t say anything to me until a few days before the end when he texted me in the middle of the night asking me to do him a favor. I didn’t respond. On the last day of NC he texted me again and actually Facebooked me too. Let me know that he was really trying to get in contact with me. It was the last day so later on I decided to text him back. Since this is the second time around I decided to just start a natural convo without memory texts. He admitted that he had been dreaming about me and missed me and missed spending time with me. i admitted that I missed him too. He said he thought it was crazy that even though he was still talking to the other girl that he couldn’t get me off his mind. He asked if I was ok with that. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with it seeing as I want him all to myself but that i am a patient girl. He asked what I was doing that night and we made a date to watch Shark Week. We flirted a bit and I let him make the first move by kissing me. Which led up to sex and knoodling. Now I have no clue what to do next in my end.
Maria

June 24, 2015 at 10:28 pm

Hi chris,
I have been reading your blogs and i get so interested im.sorry if my english is not that good..
anyway i was with my now ex bf for almost a year and we have been living together since the day. He is in military and we met in korea we have always together 24/7 we have the groovy kind of love and relationships that everyone get envous..i was very thoughful caring and supportive in everything i can say i make everything perfect…for us
then times comes that he have to go back to united States for his nxt appointment and he said hes been thinking about our future together and wanna move on with me and he want me to go back with him in US. So i said yes i would love to..at 1st he said in 6 months i will follow him then a liitle bit later he say this year june im following him and he will pay for my plane ticket ( anyway im from the Philippines but a US citizen)…everything was set and im good to go we even met both side of relatives and stuff…
on his last week in korea he ask me if he can go out and party with his friends since is his last weekend so i said ok and he even promise that he will be good and wont do stupid stuff. Then hes back to states we talk messages and stuff…everything still great…till he start acting strange so i get worried i tried to talk to him but he keep saying hes just stress and have so much on his mind. So i did believe him…june 2015 came i say im coming to see him soon. He said we need to talk again…he never mention anything that during that his last 1 week in korea he met somebody and start flirting…idk why what or idk…i stop talking to him while i was back home in philippines. ..and decided to come here in us only to find out what is goin on…and so im.here and he said hes falling forsomebody else the one he mess around in korea shes filipino to. Saying he has no feelings for me and trying to have a relationship with her…he told her he already broke up with me when hes not….shes back in philippines so basically its a LDR…but im here in his apartment bc i have nowhere to go..we dont talk much we sleeping in a different rooms…and he still talks with the other on skype it hurt so much and idk what im goin to do…by the way his 40 and still married seperated so theres no way he can marry her or anything.. do you think hes really in love or its just lust bc shes young and they only know each other for a week..is she a rebound is there anyway i can have him back?
Thank you for giving time reading my message looking forward for a great advice…more power to you and god bless
Zenyth

June 6, 2015 at 1:53 pm

Hi Chris
First I want to say thank you so much for all the advice that you have given me throughout the past few months. Its been really great and I have learned so much. Well my ex and I broke up a little over three months ago. My NC period ended up lasting 2 months because I kept having to start over but eventually I got through it and we started talking again. We even went out on a few dates and things were going well. We were moving slowly but I could tell we were headed in the right direction. Then this morning, he texted me to tell me that an old flame asked if they could pick things up where they left off and start dating exclusively again. He wants to give it a go and I want to let him.. Mostly because it happened to me as well during my NC period. I was actually part of what made me sure that I wanted him. He seemed very apologetic because he knew it would make me feel some type of way. I have to admit that it is painful. I still want him back but I also think he should try this relationship. Part of me wants to go all Patrick Dempsey female version and confess my love to him and throw my hat in the ring and let him know that Im still fighting for this. The other part of me wants to just take 30 days NC and start this whole thing all over again. Still another part of me just wants to quit completely. What should I do?
Lindsey

May 25, 2015 at 7:58 am

My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me this Jan. For the last 2 years we have been living together in a house we bought together. We are still All in the same house (including my son and his daughter). I am buying another house and now hopefully will be moving out in 6 weeks. 5 months on after the breakup news I am still really hurting. I see his comings and goings and he has a new girlfriend often staying out several nights in a row. This really hurts. Can you give me some tips on how I should behave in this situation? I want him to see I have completely moved on although I have not. I am allowing this to ruin my days and all I think about is him who is the cat that seemingly has the cream. When I have moved out my intention is not to ever have contact with him again apart from any financial sorting out situations.

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:23 am

Show no emotion that you are hurt.

I do think you need to remove yourself for now because it looks like it is taking a big toll on you.

Jane

May 19, 2015 at 7:27 pm

Chris,
I will definitely leave a review for your podcast . I really need your advice and everything you have said so far has worked! My ex and I dated for three years , we kept having sex for about five months, I finally implemented the 30 day rule and during that time he met somebody else . By the time we started speaking they had gone on 2 dates. He kept dating her and having sex with me . Yes I slept with him right away I was trying to show him what he was missing. But you’re right it was not bringing him back, in fact he was keeping it strictly sex with me. He said no emotions, didn’t even want to know anything about my life until I brought up that I met someone. All if a sudden he wanted to know everything and we were getting closer, but i didn’t like he was still with this girl and when I mentioned if he still were to date her and have sex with me then I was going to be out of his life. He seemed upset about that, even started saying how she isn’t as great as me, so when I said then “why?”, he said I don’t expect you to understand just respect it. I know he went out with her that night, the next morning he was messaging me about sex. I sent him a message back saying I don’t want to be involved in his possible relationships and that I think we need some space. I blocked him I know he went out with her that night, the next morning he was messaging me about sex. I sent him a message back saying I don’t want to be involved in his possible relationships and that i think we need some space. It’s been 5 days since we have spoken. I’m doing the NC, tho I feel like 30 is a lot. Can’t I do 21days?
Anyways I know he’s the type of guy that does not like ultimatums or be told what to do or what to feel . I’m scared of my chances. She’s not as great, but she’s similar to me except in life except I’m in better shape. Chris I’m very confused

Chris Seiter

May 20, 2015 at 1:48 pm

I really recommend the full 30 days…

Kristal

May 19, 2015 at 1:17 am

My ex of three years got another girl pregnant on our 5 month break up. We have since gotten back together, but she made it so rough on him that he left me last week to go try be in a relationship with her. He’s told me repeatedly he doesn’t want to be with her and he can’t stand her. We had JUST got done talking about buying a house, getting married, and going on a mini vacation. He said what he’s doing is best right now and if he loses me, that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. This is the second time he’s left me to try to make it work with her. What advice do you have?
jazz

May 12, 2015 at 9:41 am

hi chris,
I had a 2years of relationship and he left me 1 and half months back and last week I got to know that he was dating another girl. I know she is much prettier than me, but i want him back. I was a little desperate but then i found this site of yours and it really helped me out. he has blocked me from everywhere and he is very happy with that girl.. but yes, he used to love me and said that he will marry me, but suddenly a prettier girl came and he had also kissed her, now I don’t know what to do. I really love him. But he don’t want me back. he’s saying everyone that I’m happy and i will never contact her back in my life. I’m getting mad after listening this, I’m trying my career in modelling though I’m a student of business management to make him proof that his girl is nothing, i want him back. please help.
DO REPLY CHRIS

jazz

May 14, 2015 at 6:28 am

okay. Chris,
and one more thing I came across today. His new relationship of only 2 months right now is known by all, my ex’s family friends everyone. whereas when we both were in relationship of 2 years only few people know about us. Is it a sign that he actually loves her and want everyone to know about her as she’s very pretty ? or may be as he said me ” that i will marry her..
I’m getting tensed whether he really can come back to me or not ??? and everyone is saying me to move on but i cant
Please say honestly what should i do ?
Jazz

May 13, 2015 at 8:04 am

Chris ??
Ok there’s a problem on site. I have replied 2-3 times and it is not showing here.
I just wanna ask that how long will it take him to come back to me ?
We were physically and emotionally attached to each other in 2 years but this pretty new girl who just came around 1-2months before has taken him from me, and he has also mentioned me that he loves her madly and will marry her, Im getting afraid now because he has said me in a very confident tone “that I’ll do anything but will never contact you in my lifetime” and so after that he has blocked me from everywhere
Please Respond !!!
jazz

May 12, 2015 at 4:04 pm

chris,
how long will it take him to come back to me ?
okay I’m getting desperate again.. let me also tell you, he said that he love her madly and will marry her but its just 1 or 2 months with her and he dated me for 2 years and we both were physically and emotionally attached with each other, Is there any possibility that he will be missing me in some days??
and yes, his wild confident statement ” I will never ever talk to you in my lifetime”. This sentence by him is making me afraid !
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:36 pm

thats what I wrote this article for,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-long-will-it-take-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
jazz

May 12, 2015 at 3:03 pm

chris,
how long will it take him to come back to me?
okay I’m getting desperate again.
But what if that girl is perfect ? I mean what if that girl is better than me in everything ? Then he will not be coming back to me ?
and yes his wild confident statement “that I will never talk to you ever in my entire life”… This sentence is making me afraid !
WHAT TO DO ?????
Chris Seiter

May 12, 2015 at 1:24 pm

I think self improvement (like you are doing) is the best thing at this juncture.

AK

April 29, 2015 at 8:34 am

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend (husband) has broken up with me 4days ago.. The reason why I put bracket in “husband” is because he had married me secretly a year ago.. I was with him for 3years and with no doubt he loved me so much.. For 3years I have been breaking up and getting back with him.. For the first time in our relationship on March 6th 2015 he broke up with me, I cried so much that day.. And he ended up getting back with me on that night.. However after getting back with me there was a very big change in him.. He wouldn’t give me the attention that he used to give me before.. He was always out with his mates.. So he changed a lot. Also when I used to get fed up of his behaviour; I used to threaten leaving him; he never used to fight for me or even calm me down but accept breaking up. Since March I realised what he means to me so I started treating him right and giving him my full attention.. However he broke up with me 4 days ago saying he is depressed and needs space.. I don’t know what to do?
amaira

April 28, 2015 at 12:23 pm

HI chris!
Can you please email me. I need to personally talk to you. I am waiting as its too urgent. Thank youu
Syd Bristol

April 21, 2015 at 7:56 pm

Just a note that might shed some insite – I just found out he was in a relationship about 3 years ago and the girl broke his heart. According to his friend, he was a disaster, but he was the one that broke it off because she cheated. She was his last before me. So I guess he could have a hard time connecting, but he’s the one that found someone else and left me, I never gave any indication I’d ever leave him. He used to tell me “Everyone leaves eventually.” So Isn’t no contact just reinforcing his belief that he did the right thing? Sure long distance is safe, but how do I reinforce the “I’ll be the one there after.” without adding the dreaded too much emotion to our texts? (Assuming he talks to me again)

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:07 am

He definietly seems scarred from that last relationship.

Asian C

April 21, 2015 at 10:07 am

Hi Chris,

I read most of your posts and listen to the online podcast but i’m not sure if the steps applies to traditional Asian guy as well. It has been a 6 years relationship and he has been holding on to us no matter what quarrels we had. It was 4 months back that he initiated a breakup. He changed his contact number so i emailed him instead. He asked me to move on and that he see no future in us. But it was just 3 months before the breakup that we talked about wedding. I see no sign of losing interest from him. (i just send him a long email, didn’t mass send or bother him by calls)

3 months after the breakup (1 month of not replying his email) i went to look for him, he told me he is attached but he can’t really seem to move on and that i’m not forgotten. He even initiate to breakup with his current girlfriend and get back together with me. I was still shocked by the new girlfriend fact and stop replying him.

2 weeks after this event, i called him again, this time his attitude changed. He was back to the strong stand of not having a future with me.I tired to explained to him the reason why i’m not replying. he replied and ask me to move on and said he won’t get back with me no matter what i do.

I tried my best to move on but the pain is getting deeper at the thought of it. The last time i contacted him was a friend-zone conversation about 40 days back. What should i do from here?

ASIAN C

April 22, 2015 at 7:07 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the reply. I’ve tried the NC rule for about 40 days. I didn’t start with the memory texts as I’m afraid it will appear needy and desperate after being missing for days.
Chris Seiter

April 21, 2015 at 5:59 pm

Have you attempted any of the strategies I talk about here at all?

syd bristol

April 21, 2015 at 12:31 am

I should probably add that even before I found out he was seeing someone he always responded to my texts positively. So its going to be really hard to judge his actual feelings. He’s usually over the top with smilies and emotes. He would not text me the entire time before I found out he was seeing the new girl though. I think I may have scared him away because I was very honest about how much he hurt me. I don’t think he can stand to be around me.

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2015 at 5:39 pm

I can’t stand people who are over the top with that stuff…

Maybe it’s because I picture people doing that stuff on the emotes.

Christina

April 18, 2015 at 12:17 am

Hi Chris! I need help with a tough situation. Okay so me and my ex boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years in an on and off relationship. We have broken up 3 times throughout the entire time we’ve known each other. Each time he was the one who chose when we broke up and when we got back together (I had no control over the relationships and the breakups were not mutual) The first breakup was only for one day so I don’t count it. The second breakup however lasted 2 months and in the middle of the breakup he started talking to this girl that I’ve known before I met him. She broke his heart and he ran back to me. We have been back together for 6 months before he broke up with me a 3rd time. This is the current breakup I am experiencing now and he is talking to the same girl that he did before and is planning on asking her to be his girlfriend soon. This is the day I finally got to text him after using the no contact rule for 30 days. I applied the no contact rule as soon as he broke up with me and it was much easier than most people say it is. He never even texted me during no contact unless it was to ask me to stop talking about him to his sister (his sister would tell me everything and he would get mad about that) so I feel like the no contact rule didn’t even work how it should have. He never told me why he broke up with me until today saying that he wanted to experience new things (the newness factor) and wanted to see what else there was in life by going our separate ways. We are each other’s first loves and we took each other’s V card and have never slept with anyone but each other so I understand why he would try to go out and see if there were a girl better than me. Now I am completely friendzoned and don’t know how to get out of it. I used the “I have a confession to make” as a first text and waited an hour after his response to reply to him. Our first time conversation over text lasted way longer than it should have to the point where he was telling me “Let’s just stop talking” in a very negative way. I kept trying to end it sooner but he would pick it right back up after a “ttyl” or “see ya later” by adding something on about how his life is going. We actually had small fights over text during this first conversation which is really bad and is a horrible mistake. He knows I hate the new girl he’s with and I know that they’re going out tonight. I’m so hurt by all of this because he got over me so fast. Its only been one month and he’s already dedicating songs to her. I really want to be his girlfriend again more than anything and I’m just starting to lose hope that he’ll ever love me again. Any advice you give me will help thank you so much. I love your website by the way.

Christina

May 15, 2015 at 1:55 pm

It turns out that things have changed again and that he wasnt even interested in these new women. I sent another commeng asking different questions on the on/off relationship aritcle. Sorry for the confusion!
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:52 pm

Hi Christina,

Sorry for being a little late to get back to you.

Have you read my in-depth guide on this topic?

Specifically version 2.0?

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169 thoughts on “EBR 010: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Gets A New Girlfriend”