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syd bristol
April 17, 2015 at 12:59 am
But what do you do when you ex decides to break up with you to date someone in another country?
I know you probably get swamped but if you can, please take a look. I’ll make it very short.
My ex and I were dating for a year, April. it was fantastic. We were happy, his family and friends finally thought he had broken the cycle of awful girlfriends. He has high anxiety, a fear of things he can’t control and a general feeling that everyone leaves you eventually so why bother getting close. I made sure he knew I was in it for the long haul. It meant long nights of sitting up and rubbing his back when he was suffering from anxiety spasms, cooking him wonderful dinners to make sure he was eating properly. etc.
He gets a new job in December, a very stressful job. I see him maybe once or twice a week for a few months. He’s the kind of guy that works himself to death, even when he doesn’t have to. He started to pull away but I remained by his side assuming it was just stress. so…
He breaks up with me a month before our 1 year anniversary. He tells me “We don’t click” “I don’t connect with people emotionally” and he tells everyone else “It just wasn’t working for me.” But he insisted on being friends. Sure, I agreed to that and it was going fine.
I found out a month later he had met someone a while back on one of his jobs who lived in another country and he was considering starting a relationship with her. Of course I was devestated. He’s absolutly a sweet guy, wouldn’t hurt a fly. His behavior as of this is so bizarre. After I found out his got really defensive, and wont tell me what happened. He wont even hang out with my roommate, his friend before we started dating. So is he N/C-ing me too?
I started the no contact rule. I’m on day 11. He hasn’t told anyone we broke up, and if he did he just gives them a vague reason. Everyone was of course confused, so they ask me. His facebook page is covered in all our pictures and he hasn’t been on it in months.
I love him, and I’m so confused by all of this. Is he just moving from honeymoon stage to honeymoon stage? I know on the day the no contact rule ends we were supposed to go a very special event together. I found out yesterday he will be attending it with the other girl. I was thinking of texting him something funny or cute in regards to it.
So am I out of luck here? what is going on in his head? He hasn’t made any attempt to talk to me or anyone even when confronted about it.
I posted this on another page but it dissapeared. It belongs here anyways.
ts really painful I have to deal with this while his friends and family are completly clueless. If things don’t work out, then no one has to know. If they do, then he can just say he met her after we broke up.
Is he a lost cause?
syd bristol
April 21, 2015 at 12:29 am
He’s 36. I was thinking he wouldn’t tell anyone because deep down it was kind of shitty what he did. This way he could tell people he met her after we broke up or if it didn’t work out then no one would have to know. If its not those reasons then I have no idea. I don’t want to get my hopes up and think its because he’s scared, or because he’s trying to use me as a back up. My friend told me he was going to visit her (actually he just said Canada, where she lives not that he was visiting anyone specific. He doesn’t know she knows, or anyone knows) The week of may 6th, my 30 days of n/c ending. I don’t want him to go, but I don’t know how to stop him. If he was in Canada his texts wouldn’t reach me anyways…
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:24 pm
ONly if you decide he is.
I think the fact that he hasn’t told anyone is interesting. Why do you think he is doing that?
syd bristol
April 17, 2015 at 1:39 am
Also we couldn’t have sex. The first time I tried he said sex just didn’t interest him. The second time, we were fooling around and he started to cry because he couldn’t get it up. Same with the 3rd. He seemed pretty sure he’d be awful at sex since he hadn’t done it in so long. I was very supportive and told him I loved him no matter what, and if we need to its something we can work on. I still wonder if he just wasn’t attracted to me….
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:23 pm
He definitely has some self esteem issues.
How old is he if you don’t mind me asking?
Dazed and Confused
April 16, 2015 at 8:58 am
Hey Chris, I have been going through your website for hours at a time for days. Its all very helpful but I broke NC after a day. Because he sent me a video “soul to squeeze” by the red hot chili peppers, I waited 4-5hours and emailed him a video of “what hurts the most” by rascal flatts. I’ve told him a few times that I wasn’t gonna talk to him, I did EVERYTHING you aren’t supposed to do after a breakup.
Background: I met him at work maybe a month or so after a breakup with his ex gf of 12yrs and they have 5kids. We started talking and he would always say he hates her and wouldn’t ever get back with her etc. Needless to say a week ago his kids came to visit him and I talked to him the first night and the next day he only called so I can bring him his DVD case and we had a long talk for like an hr about his kids. After that didnt hear from him for 3 days and he said he was sorry it wasn’t me he just missed his family. He said that I was a perfect gf and I’m so kind and sweet and he doesn’t deserve me. He kept saying he made a big mistake but him leaving his kids after he just came back would devastate them. I begged and pleaded for him for 3 days and asked if we could meet up or talk on the phone and he said he couldn’t because he was an emotional wreck. He said we will meet but not right now. Its been a week already and I heard from him last 5 days ago when he sent the video. I’m thinking if I was all that wouldn’t he try to contact or see me?
now my question is; was I just his rebound? (dated for 4-5 months)
2. If I wasn’t should I try the nc again?
3. As a guy what are you thinking?
please help
My question
dazed and confused
April 17, 2015 at 10:04 pm
I messaged him Thursday early morning apologizing for my behavior the last couple days, flooding his inbox and told him it just sad I can’t text or call him whenever I want. I told him in working on my rollercoaster of emotions and I said that’s all for now(so he would expecting to get more msgs, but doesn’t and will wonder why). He messaged me back later that morning and apologized but he’s been really busy and that he starts his new job soon(same company different locations) and he was thinking about talking to me then. And he had a lot of stuff to sort out and he’ll talk to me soon. I told him all good and congrats on the job(short and sweet).
1. Do I have a chance against his BM?
2. Should I move on?
Dazed and Confused
April 17, 2015 at 8:28 am
Well I was depressed. I messaged him apologizing for flooding his inbox, and being emotional and told him to have a food day and that’s all for now so he will be expecting me to msg him but I wont. He msgs back saying he was sorry that he’s been really busy trying to get started at a new job and he was thinking of waiting til he starts to talk to me. Then he said talk to you soon.
1. What should I do now?
2. Was I the rebound girl?
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2015 at 8:31 pm
1. Press the reset button. Ideally, have you heard the tactic of moving on without moving on?
2. How long was your relationship again?
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:29 pm
What hurts the most…. haha that may have looked a little depressing.
Yes, you need to last longer in NC!
syd bristol
April 15, 2015 at 4:00 am
Is the honeymoon stage last longer if the relationship is long distance? I live down the street, but his new girl lives in another country.
Chris Seiter
April 16, 2015 at 3:52 pm
Yes, if things are harmonous it can but LDR’s are not often harmonious.
tee
April 12, 2015 at 9:59 pm
My ex and i were together almost 4 years. 3 weeks ago out of the blue he sends me a break up email stating a girl at work he had a crush on likes him and he wants to see where things go with her. She’s made him see life in a whole new way. I still don’t understand why he did this as we rarely argued, i helped him through really tough times with alcohol, & was always there when he needed a friend. Do you think this could be a rebound?
Daniella
April 12, 2015 at 4:21 am
I broke up with my ex 9 months ago after we dated for a little over 2 years and my family moved away two months after that from our permanent country of residence in asia because we both study in california for college about two hours away from each other and use to see each other every weekend in college. So a semi LDR the whole time together but not really, and he didn’t chase me back because it would turn into much more of an LDR.
Shortly after we broke up he moved onto a rebound however she was his ex in high school (now their both senior in college I’m a year younger and their relationship was very turbulent never great), she was available and is super easy as well as intellectually dumb so it wasn’t hard. So it’s been a long time since they were together and there was a big gap between breaking up with her and dating me. I even almost predicted that this would happen and the rebound was clear as day however their still together and I tried absolutely everything in your book without being needy, it didn’t work and i did lots of periods of full no contact without breaking, he never contacted during. Eventually last month I decided to call him and be honest that I still have feelings for him however I think the break up was still a good idea to disprove our insecurities. He still seemed pretty angry throughout the conversation was very short, told me he had move on and didn’t have feelings for me anymore and kept repeating he can’t talk to me because he had been strictly told not to and also to keep this conversation between us. Although Im sure after it he went and told her about it and used it as a baiting chip to become official or properly public about their relationship as the call was before spring break and they both ended up spending spring break publicly together.
I feel like i’ve tried absolutely everything and out of options. Please help me!!! I do believe he’s worth the effort and their’s an extremely bright future if we got back together and long distance wouldn’t be a problem as i constantly go back to where I use to live. I promise I will listen and be disciplined about your advice.
Daniella
April 17, 2015 at 5:04 am
?
Daniella
April 14, 2015 at 5:54 am
I had a stroke of luck yesterday I was taking a flight from asia back to california after my spring break was over and I happened to be on the exact same flight as his dad who was coming to california only for a few days as he had work and comes often here.
From the boarding gate till I got into my car in cali we were together talking (besides the actual flight seating), I got some grade advice from him on a prestigious program I got into – impressed him throughly and even offered up my seat to him as I was in first class and he was in business. He obviously didn’t take it so I sent back the nightdress and amenities kit but he didn’t take that either however it made a great impression. I also found out that although I thought my ex would be done with his senior year after summer (he had to stay back to make up some credits as he transferred from another college) turns out he isn’t able to do them all over summer school and has to stay till dec and I finish in march after that so it increases my timeline of us being in the same place together by a lot more than expected.
Everything I did would have definitely gone straight back to my ex and his whole family as I spoke to his sister over the phone as well as his dad made me because when I ran into him he was on the phone already with her so said to her “i have a surprise for you guess who i’m with”.
This is all good news however still begs the question about how to speak to him.
Gilly
April 10, 2015 at 5:16 pm
As a huge fan of our website I’ve followed alot of our advice in trying to get my ex back after I had an emotional affair. Well we’ve briefly spoken after I did 30 days of NC. I initiated the first contact as I hadn’t heard from him and I used a photograph of us to do so to provoke a happy memory. I paid him back some money I owed him as he asked about it and I wanted to do the right thing. I left it a week and I’ve done my apology text. His response…He has a new gf and doesn’t want to lead me on. We will never be friends and for me to take care and to look after me and my two children (not his in case your wandering) we’ve been split 6 weeks now. I don’t know how long he’s been with the new gf for but I’m guessing a couple of weeks….should I give up? He didn’t contact me in no contact. Acknowledged the happy memory in a neutral way and now the new gf…im in bits and could really know if I stand a chance or not.
Emma
April 10, 2015 at 11:46 am
I’ve actually just noticed my ex is in another relationship – except its taken me a while to notice because he has a habit of blocking particular things like that from me on Facebook. He also has an annoying habit of flirting with me in the run up to blocking little things like that from me (its never a full profile block), and then if he see’s I’m not bothered or not being as flirty back he reveals his hidden Facebook posts. For example, he was messaging me the other night, and I happened to mention my best friend (whos a guy) had moved just down the road from me – my ex hated this guy, but this seemed to have been his que to reveal his relationship to me on Facebook. He also did something similar a month after the breakup when we were in a decent place and able to talk about the break up (so obviously when he did it that time it hurt).
What I would like to know is whether an ex can still have feelings nearly 2 years after a break-up? We were together nearly 3 and a half years and after university we lived on opposite sides of the country (we did share a house together whilst at university too), and he broke up with me because in his words “I don’t want to be tied down”. I just feel theres a fair amount of effort that goes into hiding information like his relationships from me on Facebook, and how he then feels the need to show them when I don’t co-operate in his little flirting game? I actually feel very bad for his current girlfriend because he’s been texting me whilst being with her. Any opinions on this are more than welcome, I’m just interested to hear what other people think about how he’s behaving because my guy friends are just as baffled as I am (or they don’t want to share the secrets of the male mind!).
Maria
April 6, 2015 at 8:51 pm
Hey Chris,
Me and my ex were together for 10 yrs and had 2 beautiful children. We were good the first couple of years than after we just fought a lot we separated a couple of times and always got back because we wanted to work things out. So this time we lasted for 6 yrs together and i thought we were doing good i felt like we were happy. Then this past November he moved out he said that he was unhappy and miserable. We saw each other until feb but then he said He loved me and care for me though. I was so heartbroken and just wanted him back. It got to the point were he said that i was been to needy and that he wanted space. So he got fed up and said that he was done for good and that he didn’t love me anymore and that i should move on. So recently i found out that he is talking to someone already. My question is should i just move on or just try to get back with him?
Jen
April 6, 2015 at 5:25 am
Me and my boyfriend were together almost 3 years , i suffered with anxiety and depression and it affected our relationship, we broke up one night because he told me he just didnt feel that he loved me anymore that it wasnt me or anything or anyone it was just that . Same night after me crying for hours a mutual friend told me she has seen them flirting together (she works with both the girl and my ex) comes to find out the next day he put a picture up of them together kissing . This was in the beginning of January, its april I know he basically cheated on me . I did NC and have contacted him a few times every conversation was short and at this point I feel like I dont want him back like I did . I was just curious to see if this was a rebound? Thanks !
Dana
March 25, 2015 at 8:33 pm
Hi Chris
My ex boyfriend met a new girlfriend a week after we broke up and they have been together for 5 months. We have been together for 5 years and have a child together. He left because he says he doesn’t love me anymore. He fell in love with the new girlfriend and she fell in love with him. I broke them up by contacting her on social media telling him he has been contacting me and giving me mixed signals which he has. She has decided to break up with him because she doesn’t want to deal with me and thinks it’s easier for him if she leaves him. Because of this he hates me understandably. Do I still have a chance? What do I need to do. NC?
Dana
April 21, 2015 at 4:40 pm
Hi Chris have I lost all hope?
Chris Seiter
April 21, 2015 at 6:01 pm
I don’t know… only you know that.
Are you asking if all hope is lost?
Dana
April 18, 2015 at 2:22 pm
What should I do Chris?? I have no chance left? If he is in love with someone else?
Dana
April 12, 2015 at 6:46 pm
He said 2 weeks before he left that he would propose next year if things were going well.
Should I do MC? Or have I lost all chance?
Dana
April 11, 2015 at 10:01 am
Not sure if I am writing a response in the right place. But we talked about marriage but we also broke up a few times but always got back together. 2 weeks before he left he told his mother that if things are still going well between now and next year he will propose. Do I still have a chance of getting him back? He is now back with the girlfriend who he says he is happy with and in love with her.
admin
March 31, 2015 at 8:06 pm
Any reason why you two didn’t get married?
Did he not want it?
Nicole
March 21, 2015 at 5:11 am
Ok, so just to be clear I DON’T want my ex back, I’m just curious about a few things.
I dated my ex from (April 2012-November 2013), so about a year & a half. I went into no contact for 2 months and initially wanted to work things out, but that didn’t happen. I contacted him around his birthday last February & he invited me to his house for a party. I went, got horribly drunk, (no thanks to his mom, who made me a drink) & when he took me home the next day, I gave him this heartfelt letter. We texted & talked for about 3 more days before he went completely silent on me. (He did initiate some of the contact.) Before we stopped talking he had invited me to his house late at night. (I thought he was using me for a booty call, so I didn’t go.)
A few weeks later, I went to go visit with his mom, but before I did I briefly talked to him & some of his family on the phone. He pretty much told me that we would never be together again. I accepted it, but I didn’t really believe I could move on. (Yes, I cried & almost didn’t go visit with his mom, but she assured that everything would be ok.) I spent one weekend with his mom & after that I went into no contact completely. (Since last March, I’ve been moving on, I went back to school & got a job to keep myself busy.)
Flash forward to last September, one of my close friends (she brought him up out of nowhere) tells me that he’s engaged. (She found out on Facebook, which I don’t use anymore.) I got on Instagram to see if what she was saying was true & it was. After that I deleted any pictures that contained my ex & threw away some gifts from him.
About 2 months (sometime in November) went by & my mom told me that his mom had called her looking for me. I told my mom that I didn’t want to make contact with him, his mom, or anyone in that family. (Basically it’s over & done!) My mom claims that his mom was trying to invite us to some party. I could never (& still don’t) understand why she was trying to check in on me when he was dating someone new. (I forgot to add that his mom had been texting & calling me even after I went into no contact in March.)
Now fast forward to this past weekend, my mom came to visit & she was telling me about the stuff my ex posts of Facebook. (She said he posts silly things, but he never really posted anything that made sense half of the time anyway.) She opened her Facebook & I went looking through my ex’s page, his fiancee’s page, & some of his relatives. I found out that he is really engaged to this girl, she’s older than him, (by about 2 years) & their engagement party was in November. (Those pictures were dated November….) I’m not sure how long they’ve been dating, but we broke up in November of 2013 & he was supposedly engaged less than a year later. Maybe they dated for about 3-4 months before they got engaged, I don’t really know I’m just guessing. (Maybe when his mom called my mom in November, she was trying to invite me to his engagement party?)
MY QUESTION IS: Did he rush into this new relationship?
Is this his way of moving on?
I don’t doubt that what they have is special, but it’s just really fast. BTW: He just turned 22, I’m 21, & idk how old his fiancee is (maybe 23-24). When we dated, I was 18-19 & he was 19-20, but I’m sure he has matured a whole lot.
P.S. I don’t want him back, I’m actually happy for him. The other day I was thinking about how mean I was to him & it’s actually surprising that we were together as long as we were.
admin
March 22, 2015 at 4:48 pm
1. I think so
2. I think its his way of avoiding confronging his feelings.
Nicole
March 23, 2015 at 5:20 am
Thanks for answering, it’s good to know I’m not crazy, lol!
admin
March 23, 2015 at 3:47 pm
You are definitely not.
Amy
March 16, 2015 at 5:40 pm
Hi there, I was in a relationship for 3yrs and it was absolutely amazing. He is in the Military and we would always work things out. I would always try to make things better for him and send him comforting cards. In April 2014 he face timed me and said that he didn’t want to be with me, but didn’t say why? He also said it’s not you it’s me and that we will never get back together but, still loved me. 2 weeks later after begging him for an answer he said he had a new girlfriend and on easter he got engaged to her. That tore me completely. I have been with some one for a few months now but I just don’t feel the same way with that person as I did with my ex and I’m still crushed and miss my ex terribly. I messaged my ex a week ago to see how he was doing and 20 min later he messaged back, and we talked for the whole day but just a ordinary talk. I told him congrats about getting engaged, he then said he broke up with her a few weeks ago. Then asked outa no where how I was with my new bf and I didn’t know what to say because i never mentioned him about me dating again. I answered his question that I was rebounding and, I feel stupid for saying that because he laughed. I didn’t know what to say I panicked. Does he still think about me? What are the chances of us getting back together again? And should I not speak to him again. Why do you think he ended it with his new gf?
admin
March 18, 2015 at 7:25 pm
His new girlfriend…
Hmm… could have been a rebound.
I mean, if you were with him for 3 years then that is a pretty long time.
Amy
March 16, 2015 at 5:51 pm
It was on facebook that we spoke, he didn’t seem like he had interest in me but he also didn’t seem that he didn’t want to not talk to me.
nina
March 12, 2015 at 9:14 pm
Soooo after no contact and i feeling calm to talk i call my ex-bf. He answer it with sound like he can’t believe that i call him.
The conversation we talk about:
– he ask about my trip first, firstly first iask about his condition and family. He ask about my condition and family after he asking my trip.
– he said he want to be our relationship to be like we used to be, he said i can talk anything to him and we still laugh together which is good sign right? He don’t want to lose contact with me BUT if i prefer lose contact to him it’s my choice that he said.
– i said sorry for my bad behavior last year after 4 years together and he said sorry too.
– i said we should hanging out if he have a time, and he said of course he will and he will contact me if he’s home. He’s in another city because of his work.
– i ask about his friend, and he said that his girl friend getting back with his ex. Okay i get a lil bit jealous with his female friend because she’s the only girl in his group but i don’t ask about her and he explain to me like that.
We end conversation that night because his office want to call him.
I called him 2 days ago. For 2 weeks more i don’t open my social media application from my phone and today my sister ask me who’s the girl in the photo that he post 2 days ago. After i feel my relationship is okay for now with my ex, now i have a big jealous again after my sister show me his picture with girl and he said, “sweet escape for the weekend”.
WHY?????????
And after i am emotionally down i try to call him at 9 pm but no answer, he text me at 10 pm said, “what’s wrong? I’ve been sleeping, sorry.” I want yo make sure that he’s move on and i will not trying to reach him again 🙁 please answer me Chris 🙁
admin
March 13, 2015 at 8:29 pm
Hi Nina, are you saying he went on a trip with another girl.
nina
March 14, 2015 at 10:23 am
Hi chris, well i guess this is my bad because i already ask him 🙁 he just laugh and not truthfully saying yes. Well i think their on trip together 🙁 because their picture in the beach.
nina
March 14, 2015 at 10:28 am
Is he try to make me jealous or really move on? :'(
My mind going nowhere, can’t focus on anything..it’s not a month yet after we break up :'(
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:42 pm
I think hes trying to make you jealous!
You also need to master your mind. Get in an emotinoally stable place. I would make that your first priority.
nina
March 16, 2015 at 5:12 pm
What should i do if i meet him? Congratulate him?
He want to meet me in the end of this month chris
admin
March 18, 2015 at 7:21 pm
Yes be nice I guess but don’t take the meet up unless you are sure you can handle it.
nina
March 29, 2015 at 12:16 pm
Hi chris, it’s been long since i am not reply to your comment again. I have new story for you. My ex never contact me again, and today i met him in his sister’s wedding. His parent invite me. I met him and he is with his new girl. He is sooooo awkward with me! But i can handle myself and be easygoing like i use to be. He not introduce his new girl, i am introducing myself to her without being awkward. He won’t chit chat just say hello and then go away.
is it bad sign chris? I swear to you i am emotionally stable and cheerful AND try to be not awkward. I think it’s 2 month since i break up after 4 years together.
nina
March 13, 2015 at 11:58 am
Hi chris, after i he text me i text him back to congratulate him and asking is he in new relationship? And he text me said yes :'( but he will meet me if he back to the city. He work in another city…
it’s not a month after we break-up…we will meet in the end of march. I can’t help it chris. Please help me :'(
admin
March 13, 2015 at 9:29 pm
I wish you hadn’t of asked if he was in a new relationship.
Jessica
March 8, 2015 at 6:18 pm
My ex got a new girlfriend after 2 weeks of our break up. She’s his junior in some student organization, they were quite close even before i break up with him.
When they get together he post a pic on social media and stuff. Is he trying to make me jealous?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:33 pm
Most likely.
Sounds like a rebound.
How long did you initially date him for?
Emily
March 8, 2015 at 12:02 pm
My ex and i broke up 2 months ago:
1.My ex’s new girlfriend hates me, does that mean that she finds me as a threat?
2.He kisses her, then looks at me, is he trying to make me jealous?
He seems like he is angry at me, what move should i make about that? But he broke up with me…
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:18 pm
1. Of course she does.. your the competition.
2. Definitely trying to make you jealous.
Emily
March 8, 2015 at 7:34 pm
Well it worked i was so angry and jealous but didn’t show it.
She acts like she is so proud that she took him from me.
My ex and i are not on speaking terms.
1.Will their relationship eventually end?
2. Should i wait for it to end to approach him?
3. Will i become common enemy if i approach now?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:37 pm
1. All relationships end… Either someone dies or they breakup (thats just the way it works)
2. Up to you. I might do a little subtle work before the breakup to stay relavant.
3. If you are asking that question then probably yes. Time has a way of evening this out though.
Emily
March 13, 2015 at 7:44 pm
1. What is your opinion about soulmates?
I knew he was for me since i first saw him i felt peace when i was with him. I was myself when i was with him from the start, he is shy guy, but he was himself when he was with me.
2. Do you think that he will by any chance miss that feeling of freedom?
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:18 pm
1. Well, the romantic in me certain wants to believe.
2. The freedom of being alone you mean?
Emily
March 15, 2015 at 5:20 pm
Well now i want to ask you something else if you would like to answer. He broke up with that girl, now he is partying like crazy. We are still on bad terms.And that girl now hates me more than ever.
1.Why did she started to hate me after they broke up and i didn’t do anything to cause that break up. Does that mean anything?
2.Why is he still ignoring me on purpose when i wasn’t clingy?
3.He is 21 and not so mature, did he maybe just putted me on pause till he decides he is ready for commitment?
This is second time that he is doing this, ignoring me than coming back.
Will history repeat itself?
admin
March 18, 2015 at 6:28 pm
Who cares about that girl? Why do you?
He is getting the partying mode out of his system.
Emily
March 13, 2015 at 3:45 pm
My shrink told me that me and him are soulmates.haha We fit perfectly. I don’t know i have a strog feeling that we are going to end up together in the end. I hope he felt the same connection like i did.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 9:36 pm
Your shrink told you that?
Seriously?
That doesn’t seem like something any shrink I know would say.
Are you sure you heard them right?
Emily
March 14, 2015 at 9:29 am
Yes, she did, but she said that “soulmate” is someone you can be yourself with from the start. And she said that that is something i’m gona miss about him. She didn’t say that we gona end up together 100% not everything is black and white, if it was that simple we wouldn’t break up in the first place.
Stacy
March 7, 2015 at 1:11 am
Hi Chris,
My ex & I broke up 2 months ago. A week after we broke up, he started seeing this girl till current. I know its not a rebound & I’ve implemented the NC rule for 34 days till I contacted him with memory text showing our favourite pasta that we used to eat together.
A few days later, I msged him again. & we started to have a casual chat for half the day. He even told me that they are planning for a trip to Japan.
Am I implementing things rightfully? What should I do? I really want him back.
Chris! Please help me.
admin
March 7, 2015 at 6:16 pm
You are implementing them correctly.
He is still probably in that honeymoon phase with his new girlfriend.
Stacy
March 8, 2015 at 11:01 am
Hi Chris,
Btw I sent him another memory text but this time a picture of us. However, this time round, he didn’t respond positively on it. Just a ‘oh ok’ reply was what I got.
In that case should I carry on to contact him on a daily basis or once a few days?
Stacy
March 8, 2015 at 4:01 pm
Chris, what shld I do? Contact him daily or once in a few days?
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:23 pm
Once in a few days. You have to earn the right to contact him daily.
Hi
March 6, 2015 at 2:02 pm
Hi,
What would you suggest I should do, if he has already started a relationship with another woman, came to see me (long distance relationship) and tell me it is over without mentioning her…I asked if there is someone he said that it would have been cruel to leave me for another woman.The reason was “there is no connection between us anymore”.
Thank you!
admin
March 7, 2015 at 5:56 pm
How often has he reached out to you while he has been with the other woman?
katherine taylor
March 1, 2015 at 12:53 am
hi chris! i listened to this podcast and it has been very helpful. however i am having a hard time tweaking the game plan for my situation. my boyfriend and i had our “honeymoon stage” where it was all sweet and heavenly in our relationship. after a while, he turned cold and this made me panic and worried because i was not sure if i said or did anything wrong. then eventually i caught him seeing this girl after a few months of him being cold. he told me he wanted to help this girl with her problems as she is someone with a lot of issues and has low self confidence. this is a little insulting because i was trying to be (and honestly, i was) the “ungettable girl” material and i am not someone to play “damsel.” however, i still stroke his ego and make him feel wanted. his actions could be described as hot and cold as well. when i had a serious talk about this with him, he told me he wanted time off about us but he says he still wanted us: just some time off. he did not tell me that the reason was this girl, but i feel that it is because he wants to try or have a go at her (not sexually but romantically.) just like sweaty betty(and i share the exact same sentiments as her with my boyfriend) i am not sure if i want to take him back, but i want to see some effort on his part and some remorse because at the moment, he thinks he is doing nothing wrong. and when we come back, i am worried that i might be his “fallback” in case things do not work out with this girl. what can you say about this, chris? and what advice can you give for tweaking my gameplan given the detail of “helping this girl with her problems out”?
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:51 pm
Good ole Sweaty Betty!
Well, I would make him jump thorough a few hoops first to see if you are more than just a fallback to him.
katherine taylor
March 2, 2015 at 2:12 pm
he seems so into this girl with problems. my personal opinion on this is that it is pretty unhealthy but i could magine him in her net because she has him in her arms so long as she has problems in her life (not to be rude, but this girl scores on the low edge on the ungettable girl scale). and then my boyfriend would keep trying to help her. i am on my 13th day of the NC period and it sometimes crosses my mind that maybe i was “too much” as an “ungettable girl” for him. i hear from his friends that he would say “im too good” too. i am starting to worry that making him chase like in the gameplan would make him feel bad about himself and give up insteadof trying (because he feels TOO bad)?
Tessa H
February 28, 2015 at 7:52 am
Hey Chris! My ex of a year ago is actually going to the same college as me.. We’re starting our first year and I had no idea he was coming here and also taking the same course. He’s also in a few of my classes.. I’ve moved on pretty well since then like we both have. (He broke up with me) but the problem is my best friend. She hates him and every time she sees him walking by SHE stands in front of me to block any chances of him being able to interact with me. In the past few months I have seen him at parties and we talk casually and all. She doesn’t want me to speak to him but tbh I don’t mind chatting to him if we bump into each other? What should I do. Should I just ignore him like my best friend wants me to or should I make a friendly effort to be nice
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:49 pm
She is awfully protective but I think if you want him back you will eventually have to be nice…
Hannah
February 27, 2015 at 10:54 pm
What should I do if I found out that my boyfriend hangs out with another girl, takes a lot of picture of them together,he sees her without me knowing, he thumbs up (like) every picture in her fb, and he texts/chat her so often…? I asked him to delete their photos in his phone, but he doesn’t want to. He has changed the password of his cellphone… 🙁 I really feel insecure about this girl so suddenly. Does it mean that he is cheating on me? But he always tells me that they’re just friends… Should I believe in him? Or should I suspect that something is going on between them? What should I do to stop him from doing what he’s doing??? 🙁
admin
March 1, 2015 at 6:47 pm
Sounds like something is brewing to me…
I wouldn’t accuse him but I would approach him about this and jsut so you know that behavior he is exhibiting is consistent with cheaters so… yea.
Hannah
March 2, 2015 at 3:25 pm
So what should I do now? What is the right way to confront my boyfriend? I don’t want us to fight again, that’s why I’m so afraid to talk to him about this. But I really have a strong feeling that he likes someone else.
What is the best way to confront (but trying not to hurt/offend him in any way)?
admin
March 2, 2015 at 10:15 pm
Be calm in your confrontation.
Just allude to it.