A breakup can be one of the most traumatic experiences one can go through in their life.
A question a lot of our clients ask us is if a breakup ever gets easier.
The direct answer is that going through a breakup will eventually get easier for you.
However, when that starts to happen depends on a lot of different factors.
Most studies have suggested that people will start to feel better three months to six months post-breakup.The length of time depends on how serious the relationship was and the reason for breaking up. For example, a very serious relationship that lasted 4-5 years is going to take you a longer time to move on compared to a relationship that lasted a few months.
Along with this, you also have to consider the reason for breaking up.
According to our surveys, we have found that it’s more difficult for people to move on if their exes have wronged them in any brutal way. This is because it sticks with you longer as it becomes personal.
Suppose you and your ex broke up because they cheated on you; it’s going to leave a mark. An extreme example could be you catching your ex cheating by walking in on them with another person.
That scarring image of seeing them with that other person sticks with you. You might not want them back, but it doesn’t mean that the journey of getting over them will be any quicker.
How Can You Make Yourself Feel Better Faster?
There are various ways that you can make yourself feel better after such a breakup. We have devised three core concepts that you can implement to get over your breakup faster, or at least get to a place emotionally where you’re not as heartbroken or disturbed by the breakup as you are right now.
The Three Core Concepts To Adopt For Feeling Better After A Breakup
- Understand The Knight and Shining Armor Principle
- Create Positive Momentum
- Live for More Than Your Ex
Let’s dive into the detail.
The Knight and Shining Armor Principle
Society has become programmed to get instant solutions because of social media. People expect to go to a forum like YouTube and type “how to get your ex back” and get a foolproof plan that works every time.
This ultimately means that you’re looking for a “Knight in shining armor” to fix all your problems. This is the wrong approach to look at your reality.
Instead of expecting a knight in shining armor to come and consistently solve all your problems, you need to become your own knight in shining armor.
Over the past decade with our numerous clients, we’ve noticed that they expect us to solve their problems directly.
When we instruct those clients to become independent and take charge of their issues, some take offense, which is an example of missing the point.
We noticed from our success stories that people who could become their own’ knight in shining armor’ got to a place emotionally where they could outgrow their ex.
Outgrowing your ex does not mean forgetting your ex, but it means you grow to a place emotionally where you’re okay if you don’t get them back anymore. Sure, you can want them back, but we aim to get you to a place where you are content with not getting them back.
That is the key component we found strung together with almost every success story.
Our surveys indicate that around 90% of success stories exhibited the mindset of getting over their ex.
The stark reality is that it’s a very flawed thinking pattern when you start looking for someone else to make you feel better. Everything that you are going to do starts from within.
Instead of looking at other people to solve your issues, whether your friends, a relationship, family, or even a relationship coach, realize that ultimately no one will solve your problems except you.
Create Positive Momentum
This is a concept that gets lost under the surface a lot. The most important part of making yourself feel better after a breakup isn’t by saying the right thing or doing the right thing, but by taking these two things in cohesion. We mean that you must say the right things and do the right things consistently, together.
Only through this can you create what is known as positive momentum.
The best way to exemplify this is by focusing on the concept we call The Holy Trinity.
This concept states that you divide the quality of your life into three distinct qualities:
The beauty of the holy trinity is that all three elements are interconnected.
This means that positive things in one correlating aspect of the holy trinity will impact the other elements in a positive manner.
However, the reverse is also true, meaning one negative thing can negatively impact the other two sections.
This phenomenon can be picturized through a breakup. When your ex breaks up with you, the relationship aspect of your holy trinity gets heavily impacted.
This can mean that you become so emotionally distraught that you stop going to your workouts and do not want to get out of bed.
You stop caring about your diet.
Instead, you start consuming a lot of junk and even dwell on habits like drinking alcohol.
All of this means that health has taken a very negative hit.
When your health takes a negative hit, you do not feel good about yourself and start compromising your career.
You start calling in sick, missing deadlines, and showing an overall poor performance at work.
Finally, wealth has been impacted too.
As we mentioned earlier, the reverse is also true.
Here is where creating positive momentum comes into play.
You will need to work backward and focus less on fixing things with your ex. You can shift your focus towards pushing yourself extra hard in the health and wealth section. You could take on a new intense workout routine or take up new projects at work. After doing this, you will see how things start to fall in place, building further from there.
Working out more and eating better will make you feel better, directly transcending into the work aspect. Feeling better and healthy will make you more confident and passionate at your workplace.
Once you get consistent at this, people like your boss will come up to you and appreciate your efforts, your gym partner will notice your growth, and before you know it, these changes will affect your other relationships. Your friends and family will come up to you say things like. “wow, you look so good and you’re doing so well.”
All of a sudden, you have supreme confidence. This is the best way to become your own knight in shining armor and create a consistent positive momentum flow.
Live For More Than Your Ex
One of our biggest issues is when our clients or followers might be showing agreement to our lessons but are actually not absorbing anything at all. This happens most when we mention the concept of ‘living for more than your ex.’
Our clients repeatedly ask us how to outgrow their ex or how to get to that magical place of success stories. Ultimately, this place is nothing more than a paradigm shift people adopt where they realize that their entire life is not about their ex.
For example, if you were a solar system, you would want to be the sun.
However, when you become so obsessed with the idea of your ex, you become the earth, and your ex becomes the sun (i.e., the center of your universe) as your life constantly revolves around them. This is what we are trying to outgrow.
You need to find other things in your life that you were just as passionate about or more passionate about than your ex. Not only will this make it look like you have a more fulfilled life, but you will also feel fulfilled yourself.
Ultimately, the meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.
We must let go of the idea that there must be one singular answer to why we’re here. We are truly here to have meaningful lives, positively impact the world, feel fulfilled, accomplish things, and ultimately create a magnum opus out of our life.
We’re big fans of the magnum opus concept, which refers to one’s own legacy.
The best way to live for more than your ex or live a life where your ex is not your top priority is by figuring out what you want to be remembered for.
Most probably, it is not this singular relationship with your ex.
After all, you are a human being, and you have a lot more that will create meaning in your life than just your ex. Figure out what it is.
It is evident from our client base that getting over a breakup is something most of them struggle from, especially those with anxious attachment styles. Not everyone wants to win their ex back; however, that does not mean they are getting over the pain of the breakup.
It is pivotal that you understand that a breakup does eventually get better.
You must understand that factors like the intensity and length of the relationship coupled with the reason for the breakup will ultimately decide when you feel better, but you eventually will.
You must consider the three core concepts we have outlined for you and use them in a way that works best for you.
First and foremost, you must become your own Knight in Shining Armor.
Looking towards other people to come and solve your issues will never work out. Relying on friends, family, or even a relationship coach completely will only mean you fall back to unhealthy patterns again. You must become independent and start to outgrow your ex from within, and only then can you start the journey of making a breakup affect you less.
Secondly, you must Create a Positive Momentum.
You will need to start by doing and saying the right things consistently. You must recognize the three pivotal sections of the ‘Holy Trinity’ in your life. Once you take charge of your wealth and health and work extra hard on them, the fruits of these efforts will automatically translate into the relationship aspect of your life. You will start oozing confidence, and hence a positive flow of momentum will be created.
Finally, you must learn to Live for More Than Your Ex.
Ultimately, you will need to realize and accept that your life does not revolve around your ex. Your relationship with your ex was not the goal or the meaning of your life. You will only succeed in doing this once you chase things you were passionate about before your ex and immersing yourself in them. Once you start finding meaning in anything, whether it’s work, art, sports, fitness, business, or anything in between, only then will you realize that being with your ex was not the ‘meaning of your life.’