When my ex broke up with me I thought I was never going to stop crying. I couldn’t eat at all.
I felt so bad that I called into work for several days. Everyone kept telling me it was going to get easier and that he wasn’t worth it.
But I didn’t hear them. Everything they said went in one ear and out the other.
The only thing that I could focus on was that my heart had been ripped from my chest and stomped on.
Of course they all got over their lost relationships. It was easy for them.
They weren’t us.
WE were different.
WE were meant to be.
I knew in my heart that my life was over and that the pain was never going to fade.
One day I woke up and realized I was hungry. I could eat without feeling sick to my stomach
A few days later I woke up and realized I hadn’t cried two days. I was starting to get my life back piece by piece.
What I am saying is that I understand how you are feeling right now. Right now it feels like things are never going to get better.
Now,I’m not going to sit here and give you a tough love speech about how you need to pull yourself together and get over it. Letting yourself hurt and feel the pain of what you are going through is actually an important part of the Ex Recovery process.
So, before we dive in, let’s look at what we are going to cover today to make your breakup easier on you and help you with your ExBoyfriend Recovery Process.
- Learn How to Handle Your Emotions
- Build Yourself a Support Group
- Make Your Health A Priority
- Leave Your Comfort Zone
- Build Up Your Skillset
- Unfollow Him!
Learn How to Handle Your Emotions
Like I said, letting yourself feel the pain is a healthy part of the process. However, this does not mean that you are going to allow these feelings to control your life. It does mean that you are going to learn to control your emotions in a healthy manner.
Set aside time daily where you can give into those emotions and let go of that negative energy.
For some people, crying is what they need to do. For others, they need to scream. I don’t suggest this is you live in an apartment. Making your neighbors angry won’t help anyone.
I don’t know if you have seen the show “The Bold Type,” but they used the Subway for this to avoid bothering anyone.
If you tend to get stuck in a cycle, set a timer and do not let your negative release go on longer than the timer.
After the time is up, take the opporunity to go out and do something positive for yourself. Go to the gym or meet up with a friend.
Do whatever you need to do to clear your head and get out of that negative minset.
You are not going to want to hear this, but it’s the turth. The one the thing that is going to make the biggest difference when it comes to a breakup getting easier is… drumroll for affect… TIME!
You need to give yourself time to move on from the pain of the break up. That time should be used to remind yourself how to flourish on your own as a person.
It will seem lonely at first. Life after a breakup often feels as though you are the only person who can understand what you are going through.
While you are waiting for time to take its toll and for things to get better there are plenty of things that you can be doing to help speed along the process. You know… like those things I listed at the beginning of this article…
Well, let’s jump on into those!
Build Yourself a Support Group
When a relationship ends, the breakup is going to be just about the only thing that you can focus on. In order to make a brekaup easier, you have to break that cycle of hyper-focusing on the breakup.
Find a friend or two you can trust to be able talk about everything going on. This is an excellent way to get rid of some of those negative thoughts floating around in your head.
The trick is to choose friends that are likely to be honest with you and give you perspective on the situation that you wouldn’t be able to get to on your own.
Generally, you will be tempted to choose people who will just agree with you. But that is not what you SHOULD do. You are going to want to text your ex during No Contact. You need to suround yourself with people who are going to talk sense into you.
The downside here is your friends are not professionals and they do have lives of their own. You need to be careful not to drown them in your problems.
And make sure your friendships are two-sided. Let the, talk to you about what they are going through as well. If you don’t do this you are going to cause them to burn out and before you know it they are going to start avoiding you.
If you feel as though you are unable to stop talking about the breakup then talking to a counselor or a professional might be a good idea. We offer one-on-one sessions in EBR. However, if you are dealing with depression or other clinical issues, talking to a counselor with a background in psychology would be your best option.
EBR Facebook Group
Another excellent resource is the EBR Facebook Group. We basically built a support group just for you. Isn’t that nice?!
This private group is composed of over a thousandmen and women going through exactly what you are going through. They are all there to support one another.
Write It Down
If you are entirely uncomfortable with talking to other people about what you are going through, journaling may be a good option for you.
Journalling not only lets you get what you are feeling out of your head, but it also allows you to look back at your previous entries to see how much progress you’ve made.
My favorite part about it is that, once you write it down, you don’t have to hold onto it in your head any more! You can let it go and focus on the more FUN parts of EBR like… becoming Ungettable!
Journalling will also give you a chance to document all the positive things that you have going on in your life. This way, whenever you are feeling low you can go back to your journal and be reminded of the things that you have to be thankful for. Make a habit of listing the things you have in your life that make you happy or that you are working towards. It’s good to remind yourself that, even amidst the negative, you still have some postive things in your life.
Make Your Health A Priority
In the days after the breakup you are going to feel as though you’ll never eat again and even getting out of bed is going to seem like the most monumental task you have ever faced.
You can’t let that last forever though. Start small, eat some crackers, walk around the house. Little by little build yourself back up into a functioning human.
Get out and be active. Exercise releases natural endorphins in our brains that create a domino effect. The more we have the more we want. So getting up and doing something small will actually make us happier and get you out of that funk you’re in.
So while it seems like cruel and unusual punishment, working out is going to do you more good than you could possibly imagine right now.
Like I said, start small. Go for a walk down the street, then the next day go a little bit farther.
- Take a yoga class
- Go for a swim
- Play with a dog (double endorphins on this one because puppies are cute!)
Find whatever works best for you and make it a habit. After the workout sessions your endorphins will be flowing and you will feel a sense of pride at having accomplished something. Added bonus: The more you workout the better you are going to look, and the better you look, the better you are going to feel about yourself.
Outside of exercise you can also focus on diet, water consumption, meditation or journaling, and, if it pertains to you, spiritual faith. Did you know that being dehydrated can actually lend to your lack of energy?
Working daily on all of these things combined is going to lead you to feeling like the best you that you can be and will in turn lead you to dealing with your breakup like a pro!!
Leave Your Comfort Zone
Getting outside of your comfort zone, doing new things, and meeting new people is a great way to help yourself deal with a breakup.
Here are some different ways that you can branch out:
- Join a club (book club, hiking club, gardening club… just pick something you’re interested in.)
- Take a class (fitness, painting, photography, again this could be anything that you enjoy doing and want to learn more about.)
- Work from a coffee shop
I know what you are thinking, date?! Is she crazy? I can’t possible date! The love of my life just broke up with me!
I know. I get that. I do. But hear me out for a second.
Going out on a couple of dates does NOT mean that you have forgotten about your ex and it does NOT mean that you are trying to get into a new long term relationship.
Dating simply means you are getting out of the house and allowing someone to make you feel good about yourself. You are talking to new and interesting people and you are opening yourself up to the idea that love after pain is possible.
Dating other people will show you what is out there and you may end up realizing that you deserve more, and possibly want more, than what your ex could gave you.
Also, if you are trying to get your ex back, dating other people is going to drive him crazy and will lend to him wanting you back.
Just get out of your comfort zone. You’d be surprised by what you find when you shake up your routine.
Build Up Your Skillset
If you are already have an established career, then honing your skills may mean getting additional training in specialty areas. It may also mean you start focusing more on a hobby that you’ve maybe neglected.
I have a friend who recently realized she was good at sewing and enjoyed doing it, so she practiced it and has now opened a successful Etsy shop selling the things she has made.
Focusing on one thing and getting good at it will not only take your mind off of your breakup, it will also give you a sense of pride.
If you don’t have an established career that you are happy in then now is a great time to start working towards one.
Go back to school, or if you are already in school then start diving into studying and moving forward. Again, this is going to make you feel so good about yourself and is going to give you something to think about besides the end of your relationship. Having a goal to focus on is a great way to imporve your life and become Ungettable and get you mind off the breakup.
Unfollow Him! Ex Boyfriend Who?
After a break up it is natural to feel the urge to check on them inconspicuously. I strongly, strongly urge against this. The only thing that is going to do is cause you more pain in the end. No matter what, what you find will make you want to abandon your pregress.
Trust me, this happened to me and it is so much more painful than you think. Just do yourself a favor and click the unfollow button on his social media pages until you’ve finished No Contact.
This will make it easier to focus on the ExBoyfriend Recovery Process. And it will keep you from going bananas.
All-in-all, a breakup doesn’t get easier on its own, you have to work at it. I know. I know. It’d be so much easier if you could just flip a switch. But now you have a full arsenal to keep you from getting stuck.
In the comments below, I want to have a conversation. I want you to tell me about your breakup and what you have done so far. From there our experts wil work together with you to figure out what you should do next to get your ex back.
You can read more about getting your ex back in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro or you could read any number of the articles we provide for you on the site.