Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
Post categories
Kam Fuller
June 21, 2016 at 1:26 pm
My ex boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. Our break-up is still unclear to me because he could never pinpoint what went wrong, or why he decided to end our relationship. My only assumption is that he broke-up with me due to the fact that he would soon be moving out-of state to pursue a business degree. At times he’d accuse me of being unsupportive (which is a complete lie! I helped him write his scholarship letters!) and he also made me believe having a girlfriend & long distance relationship would be a distraction for him. Long story short, he decided to end our relationship just weeks prior to his move. In spite of breaking up, we continued to communicate and he also flew me out to visit a few times. Months go by and the calls/facetime dates become more and more infrequent; he even begins to ignore text messages from me. I took the hint and decided it was time for me to let go because he was no longer showing interest in me. After 4 months of not speaking, I received a happy birthday text message from him. I responded with “thanks” and that was that. About 3 months later I learned he got himself a new girlfriend. We continued to avoid speaking to one another. After another 3 months had passed, he graduated and received his MBA. I took it upon myself to congratulate him because by now, I had started seeing a therapist to help get me thru my break-up and I was ok with reaching out to him at that point. He responded thanks and told me how much it meant to him to receive a congratulations from me. Maybe 2 weeks later, a mutual friend convinced me to reach out to my ex to have a sit down. I reached out, he agreed, we talked. We didn’t talk as much about our break-up as I would have liked, but I didn’t want to press the issue since we hadn’t seen each other in almost a year. After we talked, we became intimate the following day. Now, we have been intimate on multiple occasions (against my better judgment). After the first encounter, he apologized saying he disrespected me and his new GF; however, as I mentioned before, it has happened multiple times now. I guess my question is this… why would he avoid having a LDR with me after dating for 5 yrs, but turn around and get himself a long-distance GF? What are my chances with him now that he has a new LDR? I am single, but dating by the way. Please help
Kam Fuller
June 21, 2016 at 1:32 pm
I left out a huge piece of information here, but I figured you might put 2 and 2 together… my ex no longer lives in the same city as his current GF. He has moved back home and is in the same city as myself.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Hi Kam,
How sure are you that he’s not doing the same thing to his new girl now? We’re not sure that he doesn’t plan to do that. First, don’t sleep with him. HOw often do you see each other now?
Alexandra
June 19, 2016 at 12:00 pm
What about the communication problems? What chances there are if he broke up with me because of this reason?
Alexandra
June 23, 2016 at 10:04 am
Yes, we still live in the same house. I started NC for one week, the conversations we have are a little basic… he still thinks he took a good decision breaking up with me. He calls me durring the day but I don’t answer the phone… How should I do? I mean should I stay stick to NC when it comes about basic things and when he starts talking about our relation should I broke NC? What if he reffers to our relation in a negative way?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Do you still live in the same house? If he initiates a conversation, then listen to him.. let him finish talking.
If he’s not initiating but he’s in a very good mood, then you can break nc and talk to him.. But the key is that he is in the best mood.. Because if he is not and you push talking to him, it will probably not have a good result.
Sarah
June 9, 2016 at 3:06 pm
I could really do with some advice to do with the above article, which was so very helpful!
My ex and I were together for 18 months, I moved into his flat after about a month or so as it was around the corner from my work rather than over an hour from my family home. Things were great, we fell madly in love, meet each others friend and family. He is from South America so only had a small chance of meeting his family when they visited in the summer, but it was amazing!
We went away and had such a lovely daily routine for day to day life.
Yes we argued a lot of such stupid little things, really quite pathetic looking back at it! But over the last 6 months he seemed to think it increased and always felt like he was treading on egg shells with me. I know I can be moody and a crazy opinionated at times, but he also has his right to be the same way. He truly believes that couples should never argue and that if they do like we did then we are not compatible for each other- ridiculous really! I hate arguing yes like anyone, but it will happen of course it will, we are only human!
He also gets so stressed out with work that it takes over a lot of his life. I am happy to deal with this and was there to support him when he needed. I understood how crazy and high pressured his job was. He also has the extra pressure of needing a Visa to like in the UK and so he can’t really do much if he isn’t enjoying the role or always worried he could be layed off ( not that they every would, he is amazing at his job, and I kept telling him this!) Me being from the UK… we would always joke about getting married so he wouldn’t have to worry…we did talk alot about the future and our plans together too.
The last month before the break up the arguing was every weekend yes. But this was because during the week we were so tried and had busy life it would just build up to then. He is 10 years older than me (35), and this has never been any issue at all. Over the last few months as well we were starting to look at somewhere bigger so we would have more space etc and I could properly move more of my stuff in. He was keen like me, even though he is quite up and down with his mood and opinions about things. One day he would be into it and the other not so much!? He was like this with a lot of things…
Then we were on our way to meet a friend of mine for dinner and on the way we had a silly argument about something so stupid. It led to him saying he wanted a break, to spend some time apart. So the next day I took some of my stuff and went back home. We didn’t set a time limit on it and both just let ourselves see what we felt. It broke my heart and I was so upset and down about it. After the initial heartache, which he felt also it was starting to feel as though it was needed and he was right. I didn’t disagree that we didn’t need it but just couldn’t see it clearly at the time.
Now we spoke every day, just casual ‘hi, how are you,’ nothing more than that really, but the contact was still there.
After just over a week we meet up at the flat and spoke about things, ‘he generally was just still confused about everything. In short he thinks that not everyone is compatible ( including us), he is trying to save my feelings in the long run as he knows what he is like, the arguing isn’t acceptable, he may not be ready to commit and is just not sure why about any of it. It was all very vague and you could see he didn’t really believe in what he was saying.
We went on a dinner date that week, his idea, it was lovely, like a first date again! Then the following week I went around, he cooked, we watched a movie, cuddled, like old times. I stayed the night, but we over all this time was not intimate in that way.
We would be messaging and speaking every day and we arranged to see each other the next week. I was away at the weekend and he called me on Sunday after not hearing much from him, I could tell something was up.
He called me and basically said it was over. He said it was all him, I asked for a reason and he couldn’t give me one. He was so nice about and I couldn’t have got angry even if I had tried. He keep saying it will be fine and I was the most important thing and that I was ok, and not to worry about him, just to sort out myself. It was all so general and cliched, I could tell he even didn’t believe what he was saying, like before. I was heartbroken obviously and couldn’t even get words out.
We knew we both loved each other and should be together but he was just too scared about taking the risk and it being not efficient way of spending his time. Now he works in computers/ code/ high end security etc. He treats life just like a computer. If its not working easily and straight forward, delete it. If things arn’t black and white then they are not good and a waste of time and effort. I feel sorry for him that he sees life that way and more importantly would want too lose us over it.
I kept telling him how differently I see things and how many options we had to work at things, but he sees it as he has already tried and that he can’t give anymore in case it doesn’t work. I know there is always this risk too, I’m aware that is the case. But this isn’t over you can tell, not over this stuff!
Anyway, I moved all my stuff out a week later and we talked every other day, just checking in on each other etc. When I moved my stuff out he was there. It was so normal, we were laughing, making jokes over my stuff, catching up about things, family/friends etc. Had a cup of tea and it was just so normal and like he was about to snap out of it or wanted to at least but not go back on his word. We didn’t discuss anything about the break up, no begging from me or anything about feelings etc. It was only until I left he cried and then me and was very sad and got to both of us.
I was then away on holiday ( great timing) and told him I had no contact on my phone. This was after leaving him a letter under the mattress of the bed for him to read while I was away. It wasn’t anything emotional, me just saying my peace to him so at least I had it off my chest. When I came back all I had from him was ‘ Hi, I got your message have a great time.’
Thats it! Not that I knew what to expect anyway!?
I had t call him a couple of days ago as we had to arrange some bill/ flat stuff to move into his name. But again, it was lovely we caught up, he asked about my holiday, family etc. We were joking about other things going on and having a great time just like before. Again no talk of the break up or the letter!
I am really trying to work out what my next steps are. I love him more than anything and even though I am trying with all my strength and will to move on and start to deal with it I can’t. I want to still fight for him. Show him I am there for him and that what he is trying to save me from is my choice to make not his. I don’t know if I am just being optimistic but I feel from the way he is acting and has acted he does too but just is too scared or confused.
I am not sure what to do next or if there is any chance of getting back together? Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated and suggestions on how to get this amazing man back in my life….
Thanks and apologies for the lengthy explanation!! xx
Amy
May 31, 2016 at 8:23 am
We met online and dated for 2 months before I went on a trip and left for another 2 months. We had good chemistry and never ran out of things to talk about. But my personality is a bit strong and often we clash and have arguments because of this. I finished my trip last week and finally saw him a couple days ago, he was nice but didn’t initiate any physical contact – hugging etc. 2 nights ago I asked if he still wanted to be together and he said we should stop seeing each other. We had a long talk today, and he said he felt I wasn’t respecting him and that he wanted stability in life and I caused too much emotional stress. He said it was ironic that what initially attracted him to me later became the cause of our split – communication. He thinks that I’m too blunt and we argue too much – even thou I consider some of those just as discussion.
He said a couple times that he doesn’t think we will work out long term. I’ve realized the problem now but just wondering if it’s too late already
Amy
June 1, 2016 at 7:19 am
He said repeatedly that he doesn’t think it’ll work out long term. Does it mean he already gave up on us?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 11, 2016 at 8:36 am
hmmm..it looks like that but it can also mean he doesn’t see the change in you
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 8:08 pm
Hi Amy,
if you’ve already apologized. Give it time, maybe three weeks before initiating a text again.
Omar
May 27, 2016 at 8:02 am
My girlfriend decided that we don’t belong together and it’s a long distance relationship we have been together since 1 year and three months we had a fight through Skype I said a lot of mean things and it was just 5 days before I fly to see her for three months and after two days off trying to win her back she said that she is not changing her mind and she doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now.
During the second night of Skyping she said that maybe I should fly to he to say good bye the proper way and I agreed with her so she said that first she need to sleep over it first so in the morning she asked me if I respect her decision… So I answered yes so she said that I can come for a week and we can Skype in the afternoon.
Is there any chance for me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 5:14 am
Hi Omar,
did you meet up? after it, you should try no contact to increase your chances of making her miss you and want to get back with you
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 10:35 am
Hi Kirby,
You have to make him miss you during no contact by improving yourself and going out more with old friends and doing new things and meeting new people, and being active in social media in showing your activities.
Sabah
May 22, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Me and my ex where together for 4 years we broke up 3 weeks ago because he lost it over a small argument. He is not willing to drop it and has said he can’t be bothered. We had the same issue 2 years ago where we stoped talking for a month and then started talking as friends before we got back together. I have tried to talk to him here and there in the past 3 weeks and he has said he doesn’t know how he feels and he might feel something at some point down the line. What do I do. We gave decided in time wel try the friends thing but I feel like I know him so well and that he won’t be able to get over the 4 years he spent with me. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back? Before the break up we where so happy we only ever had arguments every few months. But he still expects me to call and I have decided to give him space for a week before I talk to him next. I feel like he will think about us if not now in a few weeks or months and he always answers he can’t say how he might feel down the line. He does not have contact with any other girls either so what do I think and do? I feel like the argument was not worth breaking up over. Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 11:20 am
Hi Sabah,
Do active no contact. If it took him a month before, then there’s a chance that it will take the same time again or longer but the difference now is that you will start to improve yourself.
Bex
May 21, 2016 at 11:02 am
My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after one too many arguments! We have been together over 6 years and have broken up before and then got back together when i thought there was no hope. We pretty much have arguments every month at my time of the month, some aren’t too bad but others will lead to us not speaking for 4 or 5 days. I suffer very badly with PmS and have recently (since we’ve split) been diagnosed with a severe form of PmS for which I have started medication and will be seeing a counsellor. I have agreed to the split (as per your advise) and not been needy or clingy at all. We live together in a house that we have purchased but is just in his name although I put a large deposit down and have contributed financially every month. We still love each other and he told me he cares and even cried yesterday to me saying he wished I’d been diagnosed sooner as I have hurt him so much when we’ve argued but it’s too late for us now. He is being pleasant to me and saying nice things but he has said this morning that we need to have a chat about things (the fact that we are split up but both still living in the house and obviously that needs to change.) I have 2 children who love him (not with him) and I want to know if there is any hope before we end up putting the house on the market. I love him so much and I know he loves me too…He just says I’ve hurt him and it’s too late. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 5:20 am
Hi Bex,
contnue on with no contact but be polite if he talks to you.. just dont initiate and start improving yourself, go out more, so that you can give him a chance to miss you
EB
May 14, 2016 at 12:17 am
Hi, my babys dad and I have been broken up for about 2 weeks on Sunday. We have a 11month old baby.I’ve been heatbroken to my core because when u have children this isn’t the way a family should be.
I truly want him and for us to be a family. The argument started because he told me to pick up our son at his friends house because he was drinking and didn’t want to be doing that with our child in the car. Which he dosent do that but did this day. Im off top am mad because I work a overnight schedule which means I’m not home on Saturday but get off on Sunday. I had asked him since we don’t have our own place and we stay with family if he could bring our child home after hanging out on Sat night, he said ok and never did it and then texted me asking me if I could pick our child up after work on Sunday. Mind u I gave him my old car for him to get back in forth to work. So he texts me on the Sunday after my shift asking me to pick up our child. He was supposed to take a family member of mine to work but never did. Which meant that I had too fix that and take my mom to get her car after she let my other family member drive it to work. So I do that and try talking to him. He gets mad because I tell him hes wrong. We get to arguing and I tell him I’m coming to get my car. He says fine were over. I get there he isn’t there but my son is with a friend and I pack him up and my mom and family member are there. He gets back n is mad he won’t talk to me and starts unloading all his stuff. I try to have my family member talk to him and he js doesn’t listen. Mind u where he was at there are other people his friends watching me beg and try to talk to him. It was embarrassing and I finally js leave with my car. Next day I blow him up texting and calling him. He texts once and then dosent. I finally get him to answer on Wed talk to him for and hour and he talks to our son. We then agrue that I can bring him his things and he can c our son. Well it was a disaster. I end up not bringing his stuff he visits with our son. I get to crying and grabbing on his shirt for him not to leave and we do this arguing for about 10 minutes while my sons in my car door open on drivers side. He calls my mom to try to get me away from him. Then he finally his homegirls he is staying with and they come over telling me to dig within me to stop. He starts showing out when they get there telling me he dosent care if I cry. I leave embarrassed feeling stupid. Which I should have.
We dont speak for days . He texts me Happy mothers day. I was told to js be cool and say thank u, ur son is fine. I did and each day that goes by its driving me crazy. I finally text him on Mon because our child got sick while I was at work. I ask him to get a ride to my car I took from him and he says no because he had no transportation and can’t even work. He has in previous comments mentioned that I should have thought about that before taking the car and involing my family in our biz. So I say ok forget it I tell him I can’t do this with u I love u but can’t force u to be with me so be happy on ur own. He texts me hours later asking about our kid. I ignore him and finally tell him the next day.
After that we don’t speak till this Wed. It was another diaster text convo. I ask him if we could talk face to face and he says no after I wouldn’t let him go the last time. I say sorry and he still says no. I throw in the fact that we are a family and that this is hurting our child too. He says no its js u. I finally tell him to js leave me and his child alone forever. He says don’t keep our child away from me and I text watch and block him.
I’ve talked to his parents and they can’t believe that hes acting this way. History on us is we have been together for 5 almost 6 years we were engaged. He was in jail for 9 months in the beginning of our relationship and then cheated months later. It broke me completely I lost my 2 jobs and js sat at home feeling sorry for myself for months. He has had jobs on and off but for the most part had one. He drinks but had stopped a lot since our son. Throughout our relationship sometimes he would drink and not come home. Lately since I got a new car and he has my old one its been more. He says he learned his lesson from cheating the first time and wouldn’t do it again but js recently while on vacation with some of my family hit on brothers x and didn’t remember or admitting it to me either because he got drunk. He says the reason he broke it off was because he was tired of being accused of cheating when he dosent come home. That it pushed him away from me. When he has clearly given me reason to suspect. I had finally let go of him cheating the first time slowly. He claims that I pushed him away and never showed him affection or wanted to do anything with him. I do try and did before he broke it off. I even asked him awhile ago how he thought our relationship was going and he said it was rocky but now its good. He complains of my family being in or biz. But yet stays gone and my family ends up watching my kid. It hasn’t happened often but it has My family does like him but not the way he treats me sometimes but not coming home. Do I think he was cheating no because when I want a true answer I ask him to put it on his died brothers grave. I asked him to do that when he cheated the first time and he said no. But I cant be sure if he drinks.This isn’t the first time we’ve been together its the second. I have all his stuff and he hasn’t came to get it but wants me to drop it off. I bought majority of it or my family. This is mess and I js wanna be with him and he dosent want to be with me.
EB
May 15, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Yes. I just want to make it work
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 7:08 am
That’s good. Focus on yourself please so you can reflect… If he really wants you back, make him prove it..Put your self respect first so that others will respect you too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:46 am
Hi EB,
it’s a toxic relationship.. have you started limited no contact?
Mimi
May 9, 2016 at 6:42 pm
Hi,
I have been broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years for 2 months. I felt the relationship was great, and we seriously talked about marriage. We got into a fight, and I put my hands on him. At first he was saying that he wanted to fix our relationship and he just needed time. Now he is saying he does not want to fix it right now. I feel that I am getting mixed signals from him, and just want to give up. I haven’t been able to do NC longer than a week because we have an apartment together, and he has been moving out. I’m starting to feel that he has moved on and doesn’t care anymore. Could you give me some advice as to what I should do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 4:07 am
Hi Mimi,
actually you could start with limited nc.. you don’t initiate a talk and you start to go out more and do things that will improve yourself.. to be realistic, it’s been two months since you broke up right? and if things didn’t get better, he’s really leaning more on moving on.. so keep in mind that after nc is a restart not a continuation of your current relationship.. you had 5 years, it’s not that easy to forget, so don’t worry too much.. do 45 days nc and focus on healing and regaining emotional balance.
La
May 8, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Hi there,
I’ve been reading your site and honestly, it gives me hope but still I’m feeling hopeless that we’ll be back together. I REALLY WANTED TO BE BACK WITH HIM and DO THE RIGHT THING WITH HIM. I didn’t cheat. I became a horrible person but I got hit in my head when he left me without a word. I came home from work and found that his things aren’t in our home and our baby was at my mom’s place. YES, WE HAVE A BABY TOGETHER – our adorable 7 month old son.
here’s our story:
I was at my best during the beginning of our relationship. I was fat but still attractive, my attitude was not best but it was great, and I was doing well in school then got a job right after. We were okay, still geting to know each other. Then eventually we became committed to each other. We talk for hours, we text each other, update each other and during my off’s I go to his place and spend the weekend. I admit that I did the most effort at all. He was broke, didn’t have a job so I just understood everything besides, when we’re together we had fun. around 5-6 months I noticed something odd about him, he would not answer my phone, there were days wherein he would be busy, and there are also times that he’s not sweet when we’re apart. That’s when I first nagged him what was it all about. I found out that he was cheating since day 1 of our relationship. He chats other girls on facebook, courting them, inviting them, saying he’s single. and then there was one woman that he even met and had sex during the 2nd month of our relationship. THough I’d say that I wasn’t serious about him that time, it still hurt me. All of this, hurt me big time. I confronted him. He had nothing to say. He was willing to break up and needs to fix his life. but I didn’t want to let go. So we had a talk about where these cheating came from. He has done it even before courting me. He said it wasn’t me but I still think that it’s me even up to this day. He promised to change and we carried on… but it was all different. I always fret when a woman rings him even though he tells me that it was just a friend. He gave me his facebook, he changed his phone number and only gave it to people I agree.
3 months on this, I became pregnant. He said he was happy. I was truly happy. He still doesn’t have a job. It was Januray when I found out that I was pregnant… Came March, I found out that the mistress he had sex with gave birth… this fired me up and I jumped to conclusions so I had a fight with him and hurt him physically. He left me and didn’t show himself. I searched for him for like 2 weeks but he said that he doesn’t want me anymore because I have hurt him. and I know that this is my fault. After a month of no contact, I finally went to his place and found him there. We became together again. 2 months later, we had a fight again where I have hurt him again. I found out that he has another facebook account that he hid from me and he’s still doing what he was doing before. He didn’t really changed over the months that he;s saying that he has no fb account and that I’m owning his account. This is the second time that he hid from me. As usual, I looked for him but he’s hiding and his relatives didn’t want me to see him. I talked to his mom and said my feelings and what his son has been doing. His mom doesn’t like me because I have hurt his son. Though she’s not telling me this, I can see it with the way he talks to me. I don’t kno but I think my talk with his mom helped. 3 weeks later, I found him again and we fixed things again then lived together.
We were happy living together. He took care of me during the later part of my pregnancy although there are time that we fight. He often lies to me about things. I restricted him to see his friends as he said that he learned to cheat through them but still he sees them when I’m in the office. He still didn’t have a job.
When our baby came out, there were a lot of adjustments. We were really happy that time, until one day. He came home from his mom, I estimated his travel time as it took him so long to come home. I accused him of cheating again and what a pig he is. I hurt him again so bad. I don’t want to justify my actions but I felt completely down that time. I thought he doesn’t love me anymore because of my looks and because I couldn’t support us financially. He left us. I only texted him but didn’t chased him. because our baby is out already and I need to take care of him. He texted me 3 days later and said that he’s going home. When he came home, it was difficult. i wasn’t sorry that time because I thought i was entitled of his understanding considering that it was less than a month since i gave birth. he wanted to leave us. i begged. I even kneeled to him. He was determined to leave but my mom stopped him. He said to me that this is the last time that we’ll be back together.
We tried to patch things up. Honestly, I really think that he’s not cheating anymore since the day we wer back together after the second time he left. but i now realized that there’s a problem with me. i was still insecure. i suck at my job and my attitude is horrible. i became envious and extremely jealous. I restricted him so much. not to mention that fights that we have about household chores. I call him lazy, he calls me perfectionist. we used to have sex too often before but lately. it became once a month only and I’m the one who always initiates sex. He said he doesn’t want to do it because he doesn’t want to have a baby again. He’s the one who looks after our son so I really understand him as it is a big responsibility.
Then on April 24, we had a fight that triggered him to leave. He went to his mom to reunite with his family. I was at work. I told him that Ill be calling him from time to time. I don’t trust him when he’s at his mom’s because that[‘s where he brought the mistress and his mom didn’t have a word about it. he can do whatever he wants there cause no one stops him. he wasn’t responding to my text. I became furious and texted him nasty things like what a son of b^tch he is. he said nasty thing to me as well. and attacked me bby saying bad things about my family. it hurt me. (i came from a broken home). he went home and didn’t talk to me about the fight. I stayed quiet as well as not to start a fight. He mentioned to my mom that his father read my texts to him but i didn’t know this until he left while i was at work.
I was able to talk to him 2 night ago. His uncle gave his new number to me so I called him. He said that he doesn’t want me anymore. He’s done with me. I told him to think about our son. He said that he still want our son but not me. It’s been more than a week. I have already realized how horrible of a person I became. I’m not blaming him, but I couldn’t help but connect all of this to his infidelity. I couldn’t move on. Now I’m trying. Reading a lot about healing. I also pray to God. There are still times that I feel angry to him since he left our child. But it’s all because of me. I know I have stepped to his ego. Not thinking that he may be depressed with out situation since I’m the one earning and he’s staying at home. We’re also facing financial issues. Now his mom doesn’t want to talk to me.
I texted him and apologized. i don’t know if he read it cause his number was unreachable that’s why i just left a text. i agreed with the breakup but i asked him to reconsider it since we have a son together. I also shard to him my plans of changing. and I’m really dead serious about this because I also can’t stand myself anymore. I don’t know what have I become. I hurt him so much.
Is there any hope here? I hope to hear from you cause really I’m alone. My friends and mom are tired of hearing this. I’m tired of saying this. but in my head, all i wanted is to do things to be back with him again. I know he loved me in a way that he knows. I wanted to be back with him again and make our family whole but our situation is horrible. i hope you could answer me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 4:01 am
Hi La,
actually you’re not the reason he’s like that.. he’s already like that before you met him and now you’re thinking that if you change he will change.. the mistake you’re making is relying on him for your happiness and not having standards.. It’s not even your duty to keep the family afloat financially because it’s supposed to be both of you that’s doing that but then you think it’s one of the reasons he left? For me it should be one of the reasons why you should not go back to him.. when you chose to stay even if you knew you cheated, you signed up with him continuing infidelity.. YOu should have left because you didn’t like him cheating and you didn’t let him prove to you that he will not do it anymore..
he just sees you as somebody who will always chase him no matter what.. I know it’s harsh but you have to hear the truth..
start over with your life first.. Be strong and heal yourself.. find happiness that is not from him.. actually I won’t even advice you go back to him.. if you really want him back.. he has to work for it.. He has to find a job, get your trust back, be a responsible father, be respectful to you and pursue you if he wants you back.. but also it has to be two ways.. YOu have to learn to respect, love and have standards so the right people will stay and the wrong ones will leave.
AU
May 4, 2016 at 3:10 am
Hello, I found out that my exboyfriend have feelings for another girl. We broke up for around 1 month already. Last week,he told me that he have feelings for his classmate(F). He said its just infatuation(we were still together at that point of time). 1 month ago,he went to a school trip and that classmate(F) was there too. She was aware that we are attached but she still decides to be close with him. During the trip,they got extremely close. They act like a couple. After the trip,my exboyfriend broke up with me. He said that he thinks its the right time to break up with me and he did it for the sake of my purity. He said that its not because of her.
He said that he don’t want us to be together again because he feels guilty for hurting me and its because he don’t want to destroy my purity. He said that my body is ‘f*ck material’.He fantasize about my body etc.
On some days,we will meet up and go to school together. He still send me to my block and he hug and kiss me on my cheek before he leave. When I asked him why he still doing all that,he said its because of fun. I asked him why did he act as a couple with her during the trip and he said that he did it because he wants revenge towards me(he was unsure of it too when I asked him to elaborate) and he said that he feel like doing it to her.
Weeks later,they are still hanging out since they are still classmates. He said that he might be together with her and one of the things that is holding back is he don’t want everyone to hate them. He said that he likes her because he feels comfortable talking to her(but he used to say that he feels comfortable talking to me.)
Last week,he whatsapp me and said that he miss me and he wants to meet me. I feel guilty if I reject him so we went out. We had lots of fun and he said that we are on a date. He still hugs me and kiss me etc. He still treat me as his girlfriend. He broke up with me because of my purity but we are still doing things that we shouldn’t do.
I saw him yesterday with classmate(F) and they were having some random conversation but I just walk quickly and past by them without saying hello. He didn’t ws me that he saw me etc.
My exboyfriend lied to me twice(he said that he if tells the truth,we won’t be able to become friends).
I feel extremely confuse with his actions and words and I wonder if he really wants to be with her ?
Do I have a chance at getting back with him?
AU
May 6, 2016 at 1:07 am
Its my choice to conserve my purity but at the same I gave in to my temptations.
We gave in to our temptations easily.
I haven’t start doing the nc. But I’ll start doing it tomorrow
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 2:04 pm
HI Au,
I just want to ask, is it your choice to conserve your purity? not that it’s wrong.. Actually that’s good,I just want to know if it came from him or you.. if it came from him.. it doesn’t make sense to be still sweet to you and to the other girl.. if it came from you.. he probably wants to be more intimate with the other girl.. are you doing nc?
April May
April 30, 2016 at 3:51 pm
Hey Team
My ex broke up with me a few months ago. For a month afterwards I did annoy him with text messages and he knows I want to get back together but then I came here and started NC. Just finished it last week and he did reply to first text over a week ago. (YAY!). I’m just worried that we don’t really have a good chance. He moved away because he was focused on creating a future. He is only 23, 24 tomorrow, (really hating the fact that I can’t really send him a birthday message as I sent him a text two days ago, after waiting another week from when we exchanged a single text each, that he hasn’t responded to yet……) so I understand that he had to move away to do so. Just hate the fact that he goes in and out of reception constantly and is so busy all the time. I wish he’d just answer my text or just take 5 minutes to shoot me an email. I know he can. An old friend who is currently in the same industry, same program but in a different location has sent me nearly a dozen in the last week alone. Is there anything else I can do but just be patient for now? I just want to give us the best possible chance when we see each other again after his program.
April May
May 4, 2016 at 2:08 am
Ahhhh please don’t say that! But since he didn’t respond to my last message, I’m waiting a fortnight to send him another. Then I might wait a month if he doesn’t respond to that. Man I hate this. But I guess that’s what I’ll have to do.
April May
May 2, 2016 at 6:41 am
Hey Amor.
I’m trying to. My first message was a “You’ll never guess what I just did” kind of one which was the one he replied to. I told him I finally tried something that he used to talk about and sent me videos about a couple of times. Didn’t respond to that. Next one a week later was a “Guess what I’m doing this weekend” text. Very similar to the first but trying to get him to just talk back. Get that rapport going. Not responded yet and it’s kinda killing me that I can’t even say “Hey! Happy birthday!”.
Yeah I was. I spent a lot of time with friends and posted when I went out. But about a week or two ago I stopped posting a lot considering I’m just swamped with uni work (and no one wants to just hear about stress), hospital visits, and the things I go to are very privacy orientated. Security wavers and phones taken off while you are there. So I can’t post a great deal much at the time. But I’m slowly improving myself and attempting to be more outgoing as well. While I’ll never be able to tell him I went skydiving and scuba diving (both things he loves but I can’t due to health reasons) I hope I can show him I’ve got more hobbies and improving myself in other ways.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 3, 2016 at 12:40 pm
Oh, that’s not good because it means he really doesn’t want to talk..either you do another longer nc.. or you move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi APril May,
you have to work on topics that is very interesting for him and that you will end in cliffhanger so that he would look forward to the next text.. and if you did nc, were you active in improving yourself and posting it in social media?
Jean
April 26, 2016 at 2:21 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me as of yesterday.I was in a 10 year relationship with a wonderful guy, which about 6 months back,around November, started to question the relationship, said that he lost interest in the relationship and that he didn’t love me like he used to, triggered by a tempestuous reaction of mine when I thought he wasn’t paying me much attention.It was like a slap in the face which had me wake up to life. I admit I was the most to blame as I was putting little effort into it(which I deeply regret it), and started to make changes which he acknowledged.
Until January those 2 months went like hell as I knew how he felt. As I couldn’t continue like that we took a 1 week apart time so he could straight tup his mind. Long story short, half the week went through and he had already made up his mind and wanted us to have a future together.
I should add that in November his life changed and gained a new purpose as he found what he really wanted to do with his life and started studying again. He also acknowledged that this new setting changed his way of looking into things.
I started noticing a behaviour change. He used to have many spontaneous and sweet gestures like remembering I said I liked ‘x’ flowers and bringing those to me as a surprise, showing up with my favourite cookies,etc. He was also very sweet and affectionate to me.
Since then, I noticed he is not as affectionate anymore and his sweet gestures also came to a halt.
Unfortunately my 6th sense was right.We broke up as of yesterday.He told me he was getting back all those doubt feelings he had beford.He felt like this for about a month and a half and he said he didn’t told me earlier because he was trying to still work things out.
I wish he had told me right then.I feel i have been deceived all this time especially with the ‘i love you’. Although he said what he felt was real after the break,I think if he had this doubts again,he wasn’t sure all along.
He said that what was hurting more in all of this was that he was going to lose his best friend. He told me he hoped we could talk and be friends again someday to which i replied “Who knows,someday..” .
What do you think my chances would be of getting back together if any at all?Although i do want to contact him I now I musn’t…Do you think the no contact 30 day would be viable?
Jean
April 27, 2016 at 7:24 pm
Thanks for the reply Amor.
Though I’m not too sure about the lack of desire as you referred as he always wanted me intimately(unless that’s not what you were referring to) I’ll try what you say. Right now, we have some things to do in what regards to our mobile phones which were associated together. I told him to speak to a common friend about it and for her to let me now. Do you think I should break no contact and speak to him directly? Would it reset the no contact ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 6:27 am
it’s okay to talk to him directly about that.. as long as you’re not having small talk and not talking about the relationship and feelings, you’re not breaking nc.. you need to have your own life and build your own routine and improve yourself to regain attraction..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 7:48 am
Hi Jean,
10 years, if it got boring and he lost desire for you, then the improvements during nc will help.. He’ll certainly miss you.. but what’s crucial is gets attractive to you again.. Work on being the ungettable girl during nc, to spark attraction when you start talking again.
Nicole
April 25, 2016 at 8:51 pm
My boyfriend and I started dating at the end of high school and have been together for about four years. In August I suggested we take a break because I was nervous about getting so serious. We kept in contact and he kept asking me to get back together until December. He then dated another girl for a week, they broke up and he called me and we decided to give things another try. Even though neither of us cheated I did lie to him about partying when we were apart. We had trust issues the last few months and tried to ignore them rather then working through things. We broke up for a day in January and got back together. Then in the beginning of March we were in the middle of a fight over the phone and he broke up with me. I turned into the crazy ex girlfriend. Only a few weeks later he started dating someone else and tried to hide it from me. I turned into the even crazier ex gf: being a text nat, showing up announced, I even messaged the girl. I’ve been better the last week and a half but it’s already almost been two months since we broke up…he’s been with this new girl for about a month now, she’s the complete opposite of me…they graduate from college in the middle of May. I thought she was just a rebound but now I don’t know…is there any way to redeem myself and get him back? Is it too late to implement the no contact rule? Is there still a chance she’s a rebound?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 6:14 am
Hi Nicole,
It looks like there is less chance but I think doing nc is better than to jump right ahead into talking to him if you’re not emotionally prepared.
Miss Anon
April 21, 2016 at 5:13 am
Hi Chris.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We lived together for the last 2. Our 6 years together have been amazing. People tell us all the time how much they look up to us as a couple, and how perfect we are together. And we truly are. We have all the same beliefs, goals, dreams, interests, hobbies. We go on incredible bucket list adventures together and love to travel and hike. We almost never had big blow out fights, although we do bicker sometimes about small things. Our sex life is incredible. We always seem to be on the same page, and everything has been going great for us. But the last 3 months or so he began acting strange, distant, irritable..just not himself at all. Then I found out he had had another girl over to our apartment when I was suppose to be working late (I came home early but he saw me pull in so she left out the front door while I came in the back door and i never saw her.) He was terrified. I found some of her belongings in the apartment, and I found an unwrapped and unraveled, but unused condom, thats how I knew something was going on. He told me they didn’t have sex because he couldn’t go through with it. They had been texting for about a month, and it started out just friends until he pursued her about a week and a half before and asked her to hangout. He said in the past week & a half before I caught them, they had hung out 4 times, and kissed on two of those occasions. He said he just liked having conversation with someone new, who knew nothing about him. He said he felt like we got stuck in a rut in our relationship (not a sexual one) But we both got sucked into the daily routine of going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, watching tv, and going to bed (still with frequent sex). He felt we lost a little bit of that spark we had had for the past 5 years together when we worked different schedules and lived apart. Now we live in a studio apartment with no personal space and work the same exact schedule. He said it was getting to him that he had no time to himself so he lied about where he was going and what he was doing.
This all happened just a week before we left for a 10 day vacation together that we had been planning for months. I was completely shocked and heartbroken, this behavior was nothing like the man I had loved for over 6 years. He seemed so confused and struggling with something. He said he needed space to sort out his feelings and get his life together. He said he got cold feet because he felt it was time to propose to me, but because I’ve been his only girlfriend, and his only sexual experience, that he didn’t think he could propose because he hasn’t experienced enough in life to know if this was truly meant to be forever. We have never really been apart in our 6 years together. The longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other was only 3 days, and only on two occasions in the whole 6 years, otherwise we’ve seen each other everyday. He said he just wants some space for himself, to do things he enjoys and gain his happiness back after what happened. I never sought revenge, or treated him poorly after I found out about the cheating, in fact I was more supportive to him than I was to myself. I knew he had to be going through something for him to stoop this low, it just wasn’t like him. He decided for him to get the space he wants he was going to move out of our apartment. We had many, many deep conversations and he truly opened up and it seemed we were truly on the same page. We made a plan for each other, that we weren’t necessarily “breaking up” but just taking a break, or separating. We would move back in with our parents, spend some time apart working on ourselves, doing things we enjoy and just connecting with ourselves again. To be happy with ourselves before we can be happy with one another. He has said everyday that he loves me, he said he feels absolutely horrible about making us move after what he did, but he feels like it will give us the best shot of getting back together. He said he wants to do this time apart now while we’re young, and while we still love and care deeply for one another, and spend the time apart for the right reasons, so that we can confidently say we are meant to be together forever, instead of sticking it out and ignoring the issues, and 20 years down the road when we’re married and have children and resent each other and need to get a horrible divorce. He wants to come back and confidently say we will be together forever. I am on board with this plan, even though its not really my choice for us to split up, I will support the decision if he thinks its whats best for us. I really think it could be a good decision. He said while we are living at home with our parents to take the time to start saving for a house, so if we come out of this we are ready for the next step, and if we don’t decide to get back together we at least haven’t wasted the time. We have had sex multiple times since I caught him cheating. He said the other girl meant nothing and it was a horrible mistake, and whenever we were intimate it felt very true and real passion.
We went on vacation together and had the most amazing time! 10 Days just the two of us, truly enjoying one another and laughing harder than ever. Coming home I was very hopeful for us, even though I knew we would be starting the moving process. In the time after he was caught, he made several gestures that made me think he still truly loves me and cares for me, like buying me flowers and chocolates to say he’s sorry, running me a bubble bath, being there to support me because of my anxiety issues, always willing to talk about issues when I felt insecure. He even sat down and told his mom what he had done, so he was held accountable. So after all those gestures and our amazing vacation together, I felt he was truly sorry for his actions.
Two days before we were suppose to move out, after our vacation, I snooped through his phone and found that he was friends with the other girl again on snapchat, and also had her phone number again. I freaked out and called her from his phone. I then texted her from my phone and asked her to send me any screen shots she had of their conversations. I learned that they did in fact have sex the night she was in our apartment, but he was telling the truth about not being able to go through with it, but they still tried. I also learned that he emailed her once while we were on our vacation together. Then I finally learned that he has seen her twice since we got back in town 2 weeks ago. Once just for like an hour or two, and once she basically slept over and he drove her home very early in the morning. They have never had sex other than the one time that they tried and he couldn’t. (He’s never had an issue with that before). I was completely devastated that after the first time, he would do this a second time. He said she meant nothing, he didn’t care for her other than having fun conversation with someone new. He continued to lie about things and hope I wouldn’t find out. He said he got so far into it he didn’t know how to get out so he continued lying hoping it would make things better but it only got worse and worse. She said he told her he was no longer in a relationship even though we were, so she said she didn’t know she was doing anything wrong the second time because she thought we broke up. She said she had actually cut things off with him the day before because she realized he was lying to her as well because we were still living together and he was still telling me that we were together, just working on things. So he played both of us. Lying to me about not having any contact with her, that she meant nothing, and lying to her that he wasn’t in a relationship even though we were still living together, talking everyday, saying I love you, having sex, and making plans for the future. She hates him now. But now I don’t know what to think about him. I can completely understand one screw up, because I had actually cheated on him in a one night stand 5 years ago in my freshman year of college that he is totally aware of and we moved on from. I understand that People panic and make stupid decisions sometimes and that doesn’t mean they love each other any less, at least in my case. It caused me to see more clearly that I truly wanted him for the rest of my life. And that was 5 years ago. But I don’t understand why he contacted her again, said we weren’t together, and hung out with her again. I’m so hurt and confused. He completely broke down, he was at rock bottom, I’ve never ever seen him so upset. He was sobbing, saying he loved me more than anything, he doesn’t know why he did it, he feels absolutely horrible, he never wanted to hurt me, that he is seeing clearer now more than ever, he has always thought about our future together and even told a few friends he planned on marrying me. He said he’s more afraid to loose me now more than ever. But even after all this begging and pleading, he still believes he needs his time apart.
We moved out of our apartment and into our parents houses. We have two dogs, so he took one and I took the other. He didn’t take much from the apartment, but he did take some picture frames of us, and all the cards and love notes I’ve given him. We will need a storage unit for some of our furniture and he says he’ll pay for half the monthly fee, he said its still not a full blown “break up”, so he’s not telling anyone we’re broken up, and we are still “Facebook official” and he even posts photos of us together on his instagram from our vacation. He sends me good morning and good night texts everyday and we text throughout the day, we also send flirty snapchats. But its just so hot & cold. Some days he’s sending me snapchats and texts all day, and other days I don’t hear from him and when I do he’s grumpy or tired. I’m just getting very confused by the mood swings. I can’t tell if he’s still into me or not.
Since everything started happening between us, I’ve lost 20 lbs due to stress (I wasn’t overweight at all to begin with), but he says I’m looking incredible. I’ve gotten a new gym membership to at least keep toned after this weight loss, I’ve gotten a new job in a new field i’ve never worked in before, He’s very proud and excited for me. and I’ve reached out to old friends and gotten new hobbies. I’m really working to improve myself and so far so good! Even though I am a wreck without him. I know I shouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
I know this was an incredibly long post but I felt all the details were necessary. I’m confused by his actions in the first place, I’m confused by his actions the second time when he continued lying to us both. I’m confused by his mood swings now. I feel like I want to give the No contact thing a try but I don’t know if going a whole 30 days is beneficial to us? I start my new job on monday and I know he will want to talk to me about it, but I kind of want to try no contact before then just so I seem more in control and more positive about my life and he will see that. But I’m afraid he will take the no contact as me being so upset with him and moving on. Or him starting to try and talk to someone else like he did before if he thinks theres no chance or its not worth trying anymore. I want him back more than anything. I want to continue our lives together and take the next step. I’m just not sure how to go about getting him to that point. I am confident that he loves me. But i need him to recommit to me and prove he can be trusted. Do you think we have a chance, and if so how good of a chance? What do you think about his words vs his actions? Should I initiate the no contact period and for how long? Thank you in advance
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 23, 2016 at 4:17 am
Hi Miss Anon,
I tink what he really wants is fot the both of you to have your own lives befote being together because the relationship got boring.. he wants you to do the same thing as he’s doing, like exploring other things you could be doing to grow and improve.. it’s like you know each other so much there’s not much to be interested about each other anymore.. when you’re in a relationship.. you need to have your own thing and let him miss you too sometimes, so that the relationship will not get boring..
let the no contact be a start for that.. eatablish your own routine for a month before trying to reconnect to him again
Sandra
April 20, 2016 at 11:03 pm
Hi,
My exboyfriend recently broke up with me, about 5 days ago. He had broken up with me before because of the same reason but decided to give it another chance after calling me the next day and I proposed taking a short break. This first time I nwanted to take time for myself and fix certain things (confidence, jealousy and mostly selfsteem issues) but he said he couldnt do it for more than a week so we got together after a week.
This time though, I obviouslu was unable to work on myself and i kept on makin the same mistakes. That was overwhelming him with my own problems and often being upset when we were together instead of being fun and having a good time. He decided to break things up because he felt that that was the best for himself because i was being an obstacle to his own happiness. He felt he was being happy many times without my help. Also said i was controlling, jealous (i thought it was healthy to let him know when i felt this way, wrong) and selfdestructive. I do not blame him for this, I showed him this side of me too often instead of seeking the therapist i needed.
He did however was very sad , he said he felt regret but was willing to take it because he thought that was the best for him. He said he deeply loves me and doesnt want to hurt me anymore with this. I know a relationship takes both people but i do understand as well that i made mistakes and it was mostly because of this that he decided to part. If he were to come back to me Id probably need some time to work on myself. I already started therapy and began my healing process with NC after he texted me asking if i had read a fb post his friend made for him . He thought i would misunderstand and get hurt, he explained what it actually meant. ANyway, I know he told his friends about the breakup and that he wants to stand still with his desicion, however i remember him telling me he didnt want a girlfriend for the 7 months we dated until he finally came around because he fell in love with me.
I know he loves me, a lot. I know i need to make changes withing myself and it took my relationship for me to finally start doing it. But is there any chance he will see in the future the changes i have made and give our relationship another chance? He is trying to move on because he is in pain and so am I.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 22, 2016 at 2:23 pm
Hi Sandra,
if you really changeda and improved, it will be noticed.. others will notice it too..so even if he try to deny it, somebody will say it
MAy
April 16, 2016 at 2:11 am
I don’t know if I have a chance with my ex π
I was with my boyfriend for just over a year. We started our relationship when he was graduating from University. He wanted to take a break before starting a career in his field, so he did not look into jobs right away (he does have a part time job not in his field in the meantime). Eventually he started his job search, but he never got anything he applied for, so he stopped his search. However, recently he really wanted to search again. He decided to start programming a website to show on job interviews. He worked on it for 2-4 hours a day, usually while I was at work or I’d be over and he’s get off after 1-2 hours to be with me.
I basically lived at his place and our relationship was amazing, until last month. One day, on both our days off from work, he spent the entire day working on his website. I watched tv alone in his room. I started feeling hurt because he didn’t even talk to me or want to do anything with me when I asked him to. After being left to my own devices for 12 hours I had it. I cried. It was the first time I got upset with him. I told him I was upset because I wasn’t expecting him to treat me like I did not exist. I was expecting us to enjoy my day off together or at least spend a few hours of quality time together. He told me how important it is for him to work on it because he really wants to find job. I went to bed and he pulled an all-nighter working on it. The next night he was cold and distant for the first time ever. I asked what was wrong and he told me we had communication issues and that I can be childish at times not knowing how to communicate properly. I apologized and told him I would work on it. I apologized for my outburst the previous night. I told him that I should have told him right away that I had an issue with him working on his site instead of holding my feelings and making them boil over at night.
As the week went by he slowly warmed up to me again, but he still worked on his website the entire time. I went to bed before him, went to work, came home, and he would be on his site. I did not complain though because I knew it was important to him. I just did my own thing at his place and gave him his space to work. After a week though, he turned cold again. Not being affectionate and being extremely grumpy and looking pissed off. I asked him what was wrong and he’d say nothing.
Then next day he broke up with me. He told me this past year he has done nothing with his life, gained weight, and that he is unhappy with himself. He told me he needs to be alone to focus on himself and get a job. I told him he could do those things with me still by his side, but he wanted none of it. He said he needs to be alone to get a fresh start on his life. Then told me that something was missing between us. I told him it’s because he was so busy that we recently haven’t spent any quality time together. I told him we could see each other less. I won’t stay at his place, and we can go on dates. He wanted none of it. He said it’s like we are friends who just hang out and it’s not a relationship when I’m in one room doing something, and he is in the other doing something else. I told him again it’s because he is focused on his website and that we can work through these issues.
I was so hurt. I felt like I was being punished because he hasn’t gotten a job yet. I went into NC, and I found out he goes to the gym now and is dieting. He never contacted me during it. My 30 day NC ended last week. I sent him a couple of first texts and he’s responding neutrally and right away. But he is bringing nothing to our conversations. It is very one sided.
I don’t know if there’s a chance to get him back. He seems pretty dead set in his choice. I don’t think he’ll respond to an emotional text. He keeps his emotions to himself and he is extremely stubborn. I know there is no harm in trying but I think he is a hopeless case and I don’t want to be rejected again. Do you think I have a shot? How can I get him to be more responsive in texts? Or better yet have him start conversations with me?
May
April 18, 2016 at 5:47 pm
I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy, booking an vacation in a couple months and making plans with friends and visiting family. His best friend’s girlfriend spoke to him the other day and messaged me about it. She asked him if he missed me. He told her he missed me as a friend and is hoping that eventually we can hang out as friends. Which has me worried that he completely lost all romantic feelings for me and really only wants me as a friend π Since we only just started texting (me initiating it each time) I haven’t started any emotional texts yet. But now that I hear the “friends” thing I’m worried he is only responding to my friendly/harmless texts because he wants to be my friend, and not someone he wants to get back together with. Any suggestions how to avoid landing in the friend zone? Should I go in NC again so he really has his space to work on himself?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 7:31 pm
try a little jealousy move.. and keep maintaining yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 4:50 am
HI May,
have you been active in your nc? Because if not you have to start over… I think he’s pressured to make you happy and also find a job at the same time.. Try to build your own routine and own life, so he won’t see you as a responsibility but as a confidant.. Because the truth is, right now, the priority is himself.. being jobless is really demoralizing.. if he’s not happy with himself,, how can he make you happy?
Kate. Starr
April 11, 2016 at 10:33 pm
Hello,
I dated a man for 3 years, we loved each other very much and we were perfect for each other. After the 2 year mark, he started to get too comfortable with me. He rarely took me on dates, and we never went out. he never bought me anything and he never tried to look good for me. he always wore a sweat suit or gross gym clothes. I still loved him and he loved me very much too.
I was getting very fed up with him looking bad and never being romantic and taking me out, especially because i kept asking him to go out and do things. I always looked good for him and bought him little things (cupcakes, made cookies ext.) then one day he totally let himself go, and shaved his head (which i told him not to do because he had the most amazing hair) so i stopped talking to him and i was always getting angry at him. everything added up the past year was getting me upset.
then i totally stopped talking to him for a couple days. then one night he phoned me and told me he didnt think we where working out. to which i agreed because he no longer was being romantic with me. i had no idea we were going to breakup. we broke up mutually over the phone, and agreed to be friends. 3 days latter he checked up on me, then said goodbye again. i know we wont be together right now, but is there a chance in the future?
-Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 3:51 pm
Hi Kate,
If you really have similar interests and core values and he just went lazy with himself..,I think there is a chance
mira
April 10, 2016 at 10:35 pm
Hi Chris. First, i dont know english well. I find the book about to get ex in turkish but its expencie. Whatever i try to tell my problem. Pls help me if you understand it)) we began relationship in october. First everything was ok. But 2-3 month later he began move away. Sometimes we were good but more times everythng was bad. I always fix up our problems but i cant. Nearly a month ago i heard a thing about him. And i broke up. Then during 10 days he wrote me to talk about that. At the end a week ago i agreed and we met, talked, Solved the problems and he promised thay after that everythng will be ok and he became a good man. Δ° forgived him cos i love him and dont want to lose himself. But until that day he didnt promise to stand. Even sometimes he dont answer my messages. Evade talking. I dont know what i do. I feel very bad. I get him back. Relationship not absolutely ended yet. Please help me what can i do.
mira
April 11, 2016 at 8:13 pm
Usually we met 1 or 2 times a week. Cos its some difficult. But last 2 month we met only 3 or 4 times.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 2:01 pm
You should read this post, I think it fits you.
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know Itβs Coming
mira
April 11, 2016 at 8:05 pm
I think that he doesnt love me anymore and get bored but why continued i dont understand. Whole day doesnt write or call me. Sometimes i write him but he doesnt answer. Not jealous yet and does not show attention. Today he saw me on the road but still there are no calls and messages. As though i ordinary one for him. But it is interesting that why he doesnt brake up and doesnt say anything about that. Yesterday i said that lets meet and talk but he find excuse and didnt come. Now i think that once again break up with him and apply no connet period. Dont come to my mind something else
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm
Hi Mira,
don’t keep texting if he doesn’t text.. Since he is not breaking up with you, be active while you’re together.. if he doesn’t text let him be.. be active and build your own life.. let him work for you