Do You Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

699 thoughts on “Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!”

Valentina

January 18, 2016 at 10:34 pm

Hi. Do you have an email that I can send messages to because my situation is very different from those you talked about and it will be a risk telling you here. Please if you have an email can you help me with it. Thank you I’ll appreciate it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 12:15 am

Hi Valentina,
You can send it here: [email protected]

PJ

January 4, 2016 at 5:23 pm

While dating me (3months in), my Ex went to another country and got engaged to a girl there in their culture. Then 7 months later, when she decides to come here to get married is when he tells me about what has happened. During this 7 months (our relationship was total of 10months), everything was great! We were hanging out a lot, he would make time for me, he would visit me, I would visit him. He stopped by my work all the time. He would go out of his way for me all the time. He was an awesome boyfriend. We were even talking about getting engaged and getting married and having a family. After I found out, I decided to give him a second chance and work things out. During this early period, he kept talking to her behind my back. He says he is so tormented that he ruined 2 girls’ lives. Anyway, finally, he told me he needs time to figure things out and he needs me out of his life. He left behind hope that he will heal from all this and he is coming back for me. I told him that, if he wants to be with this girl, then let me go, and I will forever be out of his life. If he wants to be with me, then let her go and lets work together. I don’t need to know “why” he did this, or any other reason. I am having a difficult time closing this chapter because we were best match for each other. He got engaged to her because he thought I would leave him when I finish my school and she would be his backup. I am just in general very confused and lost.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 11:42 pm

Hi pj,

sorry to say this, but he’s a coward. He did it for back up? That is lame. you are right to tell him your standards but be firm with it because he can try to make it work with both of you on board to see if he can do it

Kim

January 4, 2016 at 1:30 pm

Hi Chris. Just one more thing…

Reason he gave me for break up: The night after the Xmas party where I compared him to my previous bf, my ex bf said we were over and should be friends. He said that we didn’t ‘connect’, due to all the mixed signals we gave each other / differences in our lifestyles (he has been partying for 20 years, I party once a year!!). He was a bit emotional when he said that he didn’t connect with his ex-wife and that he didn’t connect with me.

This is true. We were both on our ‘best behaviour’ and didn’t connect so well. But since the break-up I’ve told him that I want to open up to him, both mentally and physically. I’ve texted him an X-rated fantasy of mine, which he was pleased to hear about!

I think I’ve made a 360 degrees turnaround too fast since our break-up 3 weeks ago. He enjoys it, but hasn’t initiated contact with me yet. I have phoned him a few times since the break-up, he answers the calls. I have text him, but he didn’t reply to all my texts. I have bumped into him twice (deliberately) – he’s been smiling warmly, friendly and a bit flirty.

Will I ever get this man back and for a better relationship? I am REALLY HURTING!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 11:53 am

Hi Kim,
I think you’re doing great since he’s starting to show flirty smiles. You just need to be patient and more creative in your tactics

Kim

January 4, 2016 at 12:26 pm

Hi Chris.

Background: My ex bf is 47 years old. He was married for 1 year when he was 30. He has two daughters with the woman he married. He has been divorced since 31. He told me that he’s lived a life of partying and enjoying women (casual relations and sex) since his divorce, but now he’s seriously looking to settle down. My ex bf currently lives with his parents and his daughters visit him about two days a month. I am 41 and single, no kids.

I dated my ex bf from July 2015 to December 2015. We met in June 2015. He pursued me and swept me off my feet during July and August. I told him I felt the same as he did. From September onwards he started calling less and seemed more withdrawn from me. From Sept to Dec he initiated all our dates, paid for most of the dates. We met about once a week, but sometimes once a fortnight. I felt like he wasn’t into me so I held back my feelings, acted aloof, played hard to get. I frequently told him that I felt he wasn’t into me, this frustrated him. He always said he was into me, and said that he doesn’t use lovey dovey language with girls. From Sept to Dec we gave each other a lot of mixed signals. I felt insecure about whether he was into me, looking back on it I think he lacked confidence too. We never had sex, only kissing and snogging. We’d agreed to hold back physically until we were sure.

The break-up: I’d been distancing myself from my ex bf over time, acting aloof etc, because I wasn’t sure how he felt about me. We broke up after a Christmas party that his friends had invited us too. During the party I was mean to him, ignoring him, didn’t dance with him and danced with others. After the party he phoned me to ask why I seemed upset. I gave him an answer and story that I shouldn’t have – I told him that my previous bf told me he loved me everyday and phoned me 3 times a day. I told him that I lost my virginity to my ex bf and that he would have done anything for me. I told him that his feelings for me didn’t compare to my previous bf and that I missed my previous bf everyday. I guess our relationship was over at that point.

The next day I phoned my ex bf. I said sorry for telling him about my previous bf like I did, and assured him that my previous relationship wasn’t wonderful because it ended, as my previous bf was controlling and possessive. I told my ex bf that I felt passionately about him and that I’d like to start our relationship over again… this time more openly (physically and mentally). But my ex bf said we were over and he’d just like to be friends.

Since the break-up: I (deliberately) bumped into my ex bf at 2 places. He smiled warmly. He was friendly. He flirted a little too. It’s been 3 weeks since we broke up. I saw him last Thursday but haven’t contacted him since.

Chris, do you think I can get my ex bf back? (Your literature looks good and I’m interested in buying it for my sisters too… but I’d love your initial thoughts). Many thanks Chris. God bless you.

Kim

February 28, 2016 at 7:39 pm

Hi Amor. As a recap, my ex dumped me on 14 December 2015. Since then I initiated all contact with him, he has replied to me sometimes, his replies are brief and serious. The last time I saw him was on New Year’s Eve, he was friendly and flirty. Anyway, I did 30 days of no contact, between 22 January and 22 February. On 22 February I sent him a Facebook friends invite with a casual message ‘I just realised you’ve disappeared from my Facebook. hope you’re good’. (Previously When we broke up I blocked him on Facebook straight away).

My ex didn’t respond to my fAcebook invite, though i know he’d read my fb message. I felt very hurt, so A few days later I blocked him from Facebook again.

I’d like to be friends with my ex. In February I made no contact with him, only sent him a fb invite. Do you think he ignored me because he thinks I might still be chasing him?

In your opinion, should I give up on my ex? Or in March, shall I dress up hot, accidentally bump into him and give him a sexy smile?!!! (It wouldn’t really be accidental, it’d be planned!!!!). I don’t want him to think I try a new stunt every month and don’t leave him alone!!!!

What are your honest thoughts on what I should so?

Many thanks Amor. I value your advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 29, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Kim,

it can be… I think that would be too much..the best choice for now is actually to move on.. You’ve done all you can.. initiated no contact a lot and he didn’t reply…
Kim

February 9, 2016 at 12:36 pm

Thanks Amor. I feel that I do have a lot in common with my ex. I didn’t show it because I was too closed off from him. I thought he was really good looking but not that into me, so I kept distance from him when we hanged around… He pursued me at the beginning, but it went pear shaped due to my insecurities. Looking back I think he lacks confidence too… He only really opens up once he’s had a few alcoholic drinks… He’s 47 and hasn’t met the right woman, so I guess he lacks confidence in some ways. During our break-up conversation I told my ex that my previous bf was more into me.. I think I hurt his feelings and ego by mentioning how well I connected with my previous bf.

I think the only way I can really break the ice with my ex is if we have another chance, but he ended it after 6 months dating.

I am on Day 21 of No Contact now. I am definitely not contacting my ex all of this month!

Amor, from your experience, what are my chances to get my ex back, based on why we broke up. I have seen Chris’s blog on chances of getting an ex back, but am not sure how my story fits into Chris’s examples.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 12:49 pm

I think you have a good chance if he sees you’re in tune with his interests at the same time not being all over him or I mean, if you have your own life.
Kim

February 8, 2016 at 11:58 am

Dear Amor. I haven’t seen my ex since New Year’s Eve, but this is my update since New Years Eve:

Between 12 Jan – 19 Jan I sent my ex a few friendly texts, he responded in a friendly way. I called him on 2 occasions, but he didn’t answer, so I sent him a follow up text both times to say ‘I was going out now’ or ‘driving now’ so he didn’t need to call me back – because I didn’t want to pressure him. My last text to him on 19 Jan was a sexual fantasy… I sent another text soon after it to apologise, say I’d sent it on impulse and didn’t mean to shock him… I haven’t had any contact with my ex since this last text. I initiated all contact with my ex since the break-up on 14 Dec 2015.

I have started no contact since 20 January. I will be on day 21 tomorrow. It is hard, but I feel like I need to give my ex space.

My ex gave me the reason for break-up that ‘we didn’t click / connect’. He said he wants to marry a girl like me, but he wants someone that he connects with. I’m not sure how strongly he feels this is the case. In our 6 months dating we both held back physically…. I was ‘closed off’ from him personality wise… But I believe that this can be easily fixed, if we were to give things another go.

What can I do to initiate contact again? I have blocked my ex from facebook since the break-up, because I want to disappear and clear my head. Shall I send him a fb invite again next month…. it’s less intrusive than a text? Do you have any suggestions Amor?

Many thanks. I really value your advice.
Kim
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 7:22 am

Yeah, the fb invite is good. Keep in mind what he said, if you didn’t connect, that means you’re not in tune with his interests.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 12:46 am

Hi Kim,

Are u a writer? You wrote it beautifully. I have to be honest. The ex boyfriend made up story was really hurtful. But the way he interacted you seems like you have a good chance. I’m excited how your relationship will go once you start talking again. Just keep the positivity

D

December 24, 2015 at 9:20 am

Hey Chris,

Okay! So I was trying to figure the Chances I have of having my Man back in a situation where it’s an LDR. I never believed in them until I figured out I want Mini Versions of my Love (my MAN) running around our House.

It’s a Long Distance and it shows I have Average Chance which is definitely a Huge Positive. However, I’d be glad if you could take time out to read my Email sent to you on 22nd December, Tuesday.

I’m confident we could work this out. Have Fun! Merry Christmas to you and your Wife! 🙂

Cheers,
D
amal

December 21, 2015 at 2:22 pm

watched some of your videos and that made me stop and think about the step i was trying to do to get my ex back to me, i was dating him for 2 months i’m 21 and my ex is 23 and it was like the love from the first sight for both of us specially he is my hope after a very bad relation i had before him, we spent 24/7 of the time together since we met and we loved the idea of being together but i had some problems in my studies and he was like my escape from all the world and all my problems, he is a student too and as the time passed we were like getting each others away from social life and studies specially me i was really afraid of the idea of losing him so i made a lot of pressure on him , he asked me to get away for some time to make life works not to end up the relation but to get in our life away from the relation too but all i was thinking of is that he wants to get away from me but it was not the truth, so the pressure from me increased till the point that he couldn’t support anymore and the fights began even for stupid reasons and i became totally crazy in my reactions so he decided to get away from me and even he was telling a lot of beautiful things about me to his mom and she told me he was happy by having in his life but then he asked her to tell me that he doesn’t want me anymore and even she was surprised by that, after that we had a argument with the presence of the parents too and then we said goodbye and i apologized and he was crying and we don’t talk since that day émoticône cry now he’s stressed and he’s spending all his time in studies i knew that from his mother i’m really not that time of girl who is stressing over but i was like shocked so i was always aware and couldn’t give confidence now i think i lost he best thing i ever had but i’ll never lose hope i just don’t know what to do i was thinking of talking to him and what should i say and what if he forget about me and if i still have hope, just tell one thing anything that can help me thnx.
i’m 21 and my ex is 23
eny

December 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

Hi Chris….my ex and I dated for almost a year and the feelings were mutual,we were in love.but he has a problem with treating me how I want to be treated.special,like I mean everything to him.it was constantly an issue and he always begged and told me to teach him how to. I don’t think that was working out too well cos am not exactly a very patient person (I told him before we started that I do have a temper but am working on it).let me note that my temper is just me getting angry at little things I can just ignore,not violent,never ever hit anyone in my entire life..so back to d story, one day we got into one of d not treating me right episodes,I got upset,tried to correct him but I know I did it pretty harshly and probably pushed his button.he got mad and wanted to walk out(pls note that every time we try to talk stuff out,he always walks out, never wants to listen.only comes back later and begs).so out of anger I dint know when I pushed him,hit him with my hands and kept pushing him and screaming on d top of my voice to sit his ass down and listen to me and not walk out when I talk to him..told him I was ready for whatever was gonna happen but he wasn’t leaving this house till he talked to me..I think that just shocked him.and he kept saying he dint know I was this way and he couldn’t deal with this and he’s really disappointed and he wanted to breakuo,he was done..I was pretty shocked myself because no matter how much upset I have been even in my past relationship which lasted up to 4yrs,I never let myself get to that point.I don’t know how I let him get to me that way and all.but now he thinks that’s how I am and have always been.and that’s not cos I don’t even know where that came from in all my 25yrs.so my question is does this make me a violent person and do I have a chance to get him back.
Susan

December 18, 2015 at 3:54 pm

I’m not sure where I lie on the scale for we broke up for normal reasons and we were in a long distance relationship. However after the break up, I went a little crazy and ended up driving to his apartment drunk and punching him because the fight. I am sure pretty sure that made me lose all chance of getting him back.
Patty

December 15, 2015 at 1:42 pm

I posted this in the wrong area at first. My question revolves around, should I even try? Background, we dated while in grad school, I was a year older. We had a wonderful chemistry, unique connection and relationship, met each others parents, talked of the future, etc. Then I came along…. I was due to graduate a year earlier than him… I had insecurites/jealousy issues at that time that led to unnecessary extreme fights and days of him trying to make me feel better and me not giving in. Yes, immature, I know. We all grow up with certain insecurities and I didnt master mine until that relationship ended. It was a big and valuable lesson. Here I am, 1.5 years later, a much better person. Except the fact that I want my ex back, and I focus a lot of my energy thinking about it…. to the point where I do not give new relationships a chance to even start. After we broke up, there was a period of my begging. Eventually he came out with it and said, I do not want to be with you anymore, I don’t see you in that way anymore. After that, we ceased all contact for about 6-7 months. The breakup was awful for me. Recently, we came to friendlier terms. He sees me as a friend, has said he is afraid to keep being friendly because he doesn’t want me to want more than being just friends. We are still long distance, he’s not seeing anyone new, both of us have had fulfilling and amazing lives over the last year. I’ve changed. I want him to see that, I want him to at least try to open his mind to the idea that things could be amazing this time around. I know that for someone with his personality (when he is in it, hes in it… when hes not, hes not)… this is next to impossible to accomplish. He’s worried I’ll develop feelings and want more if we keep talking, and he’s right about that. But he’s willing to talk to me and be friendly. Should I just give up? Should I give it one last shot? I’ve spent enough time dwelling over this and it’s time to either try one last time or to move on. We are scheduled for a phone call coming up, and I was going to ask him out for a drink sometime, no expectations. If he says no, move on… I prepared to hear him say “I want to get a drink, but I do not think it’s best because I think you want something different than I do.” ( I can hear it in my head now) BUT, after reading all of this.. it doesn’t seem to be the best course of action. Any advice would very meaningful. It’s time for me to start having a romantic life again, one way or another.
Hopeless

December 1, 2015 at 1:16 pm

Hi Chris, I would like to start off my thanking you. What you are doing is amazing. My ex boyfriend and I broke up on Oct 19 2015. We were a long distance relationship and he just moved to a new school this year. When breaking up he said that he was lonely and we would fight a lot (it was like once a month about communication issues). I texted him once or twice till about a month later when I asked him what is going on between us because he had me thinking that in December we would see each other again. He responded that No he doesn’t believe there is a chance and he wants what is best for me. He said that he knows what he wants and he isn’t and can’t be the one for me. He informed me that there is someone he is interested in and has gone on dates with. Fast forward a couple days later I texted him a question and he responded asking how I was doing and if I hated him for what happened. So off and on I would text him and he would always respond. I put up stories on snap chat and he always looks at them. I just found your website yesterday and decided to do the no contact. If I do 30 days it will put me at exactly 66 days of when we first broke up so is it better to do 21? Also what are my chances here? I tend to be a hopeful person and a fighter when I want something but if the chances look pretty bad I want to know. There is a possibility of my having an internship about 30 minutes away from him and so I would be staying on his campus this summer. Thank you very much.
Amanda

November 28, 2015 at 5:28 pm

So here’s my situation:

My boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years and 7 months of dating (accurate, right?) because he felt that he hadn’t put much effort into the relationship as much as I had. 3 days after he broke up with me, I made a horrible decision on trying to persuade him into coming back and he told me he had appreciated the effort but there wasn’t anything I could do to get him back. He even said “Let’s say I do consider taking you back: What would happen then?” (another reason for the breakup is because he didn’t have much time for me and he didn’t want to keep breaking my heart). Our relationship wasn’t as productive as we wanted it to be and I was wondering if there was any way that would make him want to give our relationship a second chance. We broke up 6 weeks ago and I want to know if there’s still a chance for me.
Hopeless

November 25, 2015 at 1:30 pm

Hi Chris, I would like to start off my thanking you. What you are doing is amazing. My ex boyfriend and I broke up on Oct 19 2015. We were a long distance relationship and he just moved to a new school this year. When breaking up he said that he was lonely and we would fight a lot (it was like once a month about communication issues). I texted him once or twice till about a month later when I asked him what is going on between us because he had me thinking that in December we would see each other again. He responded that No he doesn’t believe there is a chance and he wants what is best for me. He said that he knows what he wants and he isn’t and can’t be the one for me. He informed me that there is someone he is interested in and has gone on dates with. Fast forward a couple days later I texted him a question and he responded asking how I was doing and if I hated him for what happened. So off and on I would text him and he would always respond. I put up stories on snap chat and he always looks at them. I just found your website yesterday and decided to do the no contact. If I do 30 days it will put me at exactly 66 days of when we first broke up so is it better to do 21? Also what are my chances here? I tend to be a hopeful person and a fighter when I want something but if the chances look pretty bad I want to know. Thank you very much.

Hopeless

November 25, 2015 at 1:33 pm

I forgot to mention this summer I might have an internship near him and live on his campus. He is not aware of this yet.

Nilanjana

November 22, 2015 at 10:32 am

Hey Chris,
I have been in the No Contact phase for over 6 months now. Neither my ex nor I made an attempt to contact each other. From all I’ve heard from mutual friends, he has moved on and he doesn’t want to see me again. I really don’t know if I stand a chance.
The reason for our break up was vague. All he said was, he didn’t want a relationship. What do I do?
Jennifer N

November 18, 2015 at 11:30 am

Hello Chris,
So my goal here is to figure out if getting back together with my ex is even possible. There is quite a few situations that’s are included in your “guides” and I’m very skeptical about your process because of my story. So my story is that the ex boyfriend I am referring to is my very first real love. We were together for 8 months and I cheated on him and because of that my feelings for him went away because if he were to find out that i cheated he most likely wouldn’t forgive me as you’ve said above. The day before our break up i met this guy that i liked and the next day i broke up with this boyfriend that i cheated on and the day after that i was “together” with this new guy this new guy that i met. After a week of dating and a week after the break up i ended up sleeping with this new guy and he left me the next day or 2. I later on heard that my exboyfriend was wanting to get back together with me knowing I had cheated but since I slept with the new guy that idea in his head no longer existed. In the beginning of our somphmore year of HS he started to date this new girl knowing that i was sorry for what i did and that i wanted him back. He was in that relationship til the end of our junior year of HS(I’d say about almost 2 years) and he broke up with her because he lost feelings. I got into a long relationship in the middle of junior year of HS (while he was still with the girlfriend after me), and my new relationship lasted about a year and almost 2 months and ended cuz he lost feelings, and by that time it was already near the end of our senior year in HS. It is now our freshman year of college (I am at a college in the city where our highschool is (our home town) and he is at a college 4-5 hours away, still in the same state tho), and I simply cannot get him out of my head. And obviously a freshman year of high school relationship was probably doomed because we’really so naive to whats actually going on and we’re still making mistakes to learn from… but it’s been four years and we still communicate here and there on snapchat. From reading your “guides” i’m not sure if you’ve heard of the app snapchat or if you do know about it but just don’t wanna update every single one of your guides but either way that’s pretty much my only way of communicating with him, Sometimes. So now a couple months into our freshman year of college still communicating sometimes here and there, we are both single both have plenty of opportunities for new relationships but I am still hoping for that chance if getting back together isnt a chance than if becoming better friends than just “sometimes” on snapchat is even possible. Just a little side note, but it’s been 4 years… I have forgiven myself and I’ve learned that what I did was wrong but at the same time as learning my lesson I don’t regret my mistakes because now I know what not to do and how to avoid all of them again. So like I said in the beginning, in this comment I just wanna know if EBF is even possible with this first love of mine. I’m not exactly sure how I’ll be hearing a response to this comment of mine but I’ll be checking my email for as long I have to. Anyways its been 4 long years and I’ll be anxiously waiting to know if I should move on completely (even the being friends part) or if I do have a chance after all this time. Hope you’ve had fun reading this super long comment lol.
Anon

November 13, 2015 at 1:45 am

hey Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend recently because he wasn’t trying like he used too and I felt like he got kinda distant. i tried getting back with him but he said I shouldn’t of broken up with him… what should I do?
Kait

November 8, 2015 at 9:43 am

Hi Chris, just read this artical! Really helpful. I have two questions which you kind of answered. You discussed long distance relationships have an average chance, while I’m not in one myself, me and my ex live two hours apart and only see each other at weekends or either every fortnight. What chance do I have if i’m not going to randomly bump into him, but don’t live close in another country? My second question is on/off relationships. The reason me and my ex broke up was because of the ‘general breakup’ reasons. We’d argue a lot, he’d ignore me, but he stopped loving me, he told me that many times, but I’m still in love with him. What’s the chance in that situation. I’d really love it if you got back to me, thamls.
Anne-Marie

November 8, 2015 at 3:35 am

Hi!
I’d like your opinion. I met this guy a little more than 2 months ago from a dating site. We texted a lot for about two weeks then finally met in person. At first, I wasn’t quite sure I felt attracted but our personalities clicked for sure. He, on the other hand, was crazy about me. We ended up having a 12 hours date with kissing like teenagers at the end of it. I was not yet convinced about the attraction but we saw each other the next day, at his place, for another whole day. I started to feel something but had doubts and was anxious about maybe ending up hurting him. For the next 2 weeks we saw each other and it was great but then came the “I need time ” thing… From him!
He had ended a bad 8 years relationship about 8 months prior to us meeting but most of her stuff was still in the apartment and the whole moving thing was plan in less than a month. She came to pack and pick up her stuff and he move to a new place few weeks after. We kept in touch by texting only but didn’t manage to see each other for about a month. He said that packing up old memories kind of make weird emotions resurface. He is definitely over his ex but because it was a true poisonous relationship, I not sure he’s trough dealing with the frustration of it.
As soon as he moved, he started inviting me over. We wouldn’t do much but spend entire weekend together at his new place. It felt good an natural for both of us. He kept saying he wanted to build something real with me and that he was slowly moving to something official (he didn’t reach the girlfriend/boyfriend state in his mind). He was really care and supporting of me on bad days (I have chronical Lyme disease) and said he wouldn’t never let the disease come in the way of our relationship. It, in fact, never was an issue cause I manage it well and I don’t let myself get all down and depressed over it.
I finally let my guards go, I knew he was a good real and committed guy and it turns out we have a hell of an attraction. I truly fell in love with him and in a way I never thought possible. I had fell in love with who he truly was instead of a “love a at first sight”. I took the time to dig and get to know him.
But then, the unexpected (at least for me): within a 2 day period, he changed his attitude. He expressed doubts about him falling for me. He said he felt it the minute he saw me and that he has nothing whatsoever to hold against me but he was expecting his love to grow and it didn’t. He had thought about it, thinking he was wrong when he thought he was ready to build something again, that he didn’t had the liberty of enjoying the freedom of no commitment (not referring to dating women but to doing what he wants, when he wants, without having to plan or consider somebody else in the process). He wasn’t sure if he wanted to end it or not and relyed a lot on my opinion. He exposed it to me on the morning and so we couldn’t discuss much because he was leaving for work. I’m the one who initated the talk because I found he behaved weird the evening before. We left it at that, as an opened question that we would have to come back to.
The same or next evening, I sent a long yet really calm and structured text explaining my point of view since I couldn’t do it yet. The only respond I got was a “have a good weekend ” 3 days after, on the Saturday afternoon. I replied with an “how are you ” but nothing.
I waited until the next Wednesday and we agreed to talk on the phone in the evening to discuss us. We ended up talking for about 4 hours, calm, no arguments, only and genuine listening and understanding of one another. We decided to end it up and not see each other anymore. He didn’t want to lose contact with me, saying I could call or text whenever. He said he had thought about me and wanted to say hello but didn’t. He talked to me about his old records collection for about 20 minutes and I was the one who ended the discussion and ask that we hang up. He made me promise I would take care of me, that I will keep doing the things I loved (I had stopped some hobbies I had and he pushed me into starting them again) and taking care of my blog. He wants me to keep moving on. On the other hand, I sense he displays a kind of imposter syndrome; whenever I would thank him for something or say something nice, he would say that anybody could’ve done it and that he doesn’t like to feel like one-of-a-kind but prefers to be like everybody else.
I admit, I sent a text the next day asking if I could simply have a picture since I didn’t have any and that I was gonna miss him. Nothing.
But now, today (and that is why I ended up on your site), right after dinner he sends me this: “Good evening….” Not a “have a good evening ” implying he was thinking about me and couldn’t hold it in, no a “…” Implying what? That is expecting a response from me? I didn’t. It was hard as hell but I didn’t. Was it because he felt lonely on a Saturday evening? Was he simply horny and confused that with missing me? I don’t know because I’m sure he doesn’t even know for himself. I was expecting that he would reach out to me but I didn’t expect it to be that soon. 3 days… He’s worst than a woman. I would give a lot to be with him in a committed relationship but I know he has to do some thinking first. I cry myself out (it’s still fresh breakup) and am vulnerable but I’m no fool. He can’t have made himself ready to commit in 3 days. I was his ungettable girl and he was head over heels for me but I can’t pretend to be uncommitting for ever in order for him to commit. I will start by applying the NC rule the best I can for 30 days and try to take care of myself in the meantime. But I’m kind of clueless for the rest. And what scares me a little in the chances of us getting back together after that is our short history together. You don’t come back to someone after a NC state the same way whether you were simply dating for a while or married for 10 years.

So what I’m seeking here is a hint about what is going on in his mind and so what are the chances he might want to commit with me when he’ll be ready? I’m afraid I may have been a rebound or something.
Thanks for opinion and the great advices I found here!
Amanda

November 6, 2015 at 8:03 am

I have read basically every article on this site. This break up happened 4 days ago but I’m commenting because I checked every comment on this article and not one like mine. I’m an alcoholic (23 years old) and my dad is too. 4 years ago I got sober for 2 years then started drinking again and managed pretty well. During this time I met my ex and we were very compatible and happy. But my drinking got worse again and I started having blackouts and doing crazy things. He never clearly communicated to me that he didn’t want me to drink, he just didn’t want me to get drunk and I convinced myself that I could handle it next time, that I wouldn’t get drunk, but being an alcoholic, I somehow would. 5 days ago I got way too drunk and I myself was regretting it and decided to go back to aa. But my ex also decided at the same time he was done with me and that he didn’t want to give me another chance because he couldn’t take the risk of his kids having a drunk mother. I am still going to meetings and plan on staying sober. What are my chances?

Amanda

November 6, 2015 at 9:00 am

Forgot to mention I am currently in NC and he texted me twice today; I didn’t respond.

Emma

November 1, 2015 at 4:48 pm

Hi Chris. Sorry if this comment us in an inappropriate place, I didn’t know where else to put it. I have left a voicemail but don’t know if I did it right.

Me and my boyfriend broke up 5 days ago. He cited drifting apart and falling out of live with me as reasons. We had been together 6 years.

We parted on fairly good terms. He said give it a few weeks and we might meet up as friends. I haven’t contacted him at all so far. It’s been hard.

Today I went to the city he lives in to a vintage clothes sale. I knew there was a possibility of him being there, but I figured that he doesn’t own the city, and I have to do things for myself. Sure enough, him and his friends were there. His back was to me, so I politely saluted his friends and carried on about my business. When I was finished they were gone.

I had to pass his house to get to my car. As I was passing, a group of people were walking against me. My boyfriends friends hung out the window and started shouting indecipherable stuff. I don’t know whether he was there, but I thought I heard him laughing. I don’t know if it was directed at me, but I briefly looked up, and as the other people passed they kept shouting, although I’d moved a bit up the street. I’m so upset at this. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
susan

October 31, 2015 at 1:30 am

Hi Chris! love reading your advice! To me, it makes the most sense.
I have a situation that I haven’t seen addressed here yet, so I’d love to have your insight, if you would. I met my now ex on a dating site. We finally went on our first date after chatting for about 2-3 weeks on the site. It was a coffee date. Immediately we both knew we wanted to see each other more. We had so much in common -goals, morals, interests, sense of humour…we even joked about how much we had in common. It felt like coming home, actually. We both had prior bad relationships – we were cheated on by our partners.
Anyway, we were together for 8 months. Everything was great. On the last night we saw each other – about 33 days ago, I was at his place. I made us supper, we were ‘together’ that night and afterwards, just lay in bed talking about things, and laughing, having a normal content happy time. He told me I was beautiful, inside and out. He asked me if I’d stay the night. I couldn’t because I had to work the next morning and wasn’t prepared to stay. Our conversation moved on to feelings. I told him more or less that I was falling for him. He told me that he also had stong feelings for me. I eventually went home and texted him when I got there as he always wants me to do. Things were fine.
Next day I texted him and his text back was brief. He said he was going to his daughters for supper. Later that night I texted him but he never replied. I figured he was still at his daughters place. I texted him the next day to say hi – we sent daily texts just to see how each other’s days were going. I didn’t get a response. That night after supper, he called. He told me that he couldn’t see the relationship going any further and thought he’d never say he loved me so thought it was best to break things off. Naturally I was upset. Totally blind sided. He said he’d been thinking about this for a few weeks. There was no indication. Anyway, I finally just said good bye to him – no point staying on the phone. I was not going to beg him to change his mind. I have too much self- respect for that, but it hurt like hell. When I said good bye, he hung up without a word.
Next day, I emailed him and basically told him that I was not looking for a commitment, a wedding, or anything remotely like that at this point. It was only 8 months. I told him that he was doing everything he could be doing to be successful in our relationship to that point and there were no expectations. I told him he had made me very happy since we met. I honestly was content to carry on as we were for the time being and see where it took us.
He emailed back and said he was dealing with something and asked me if I could give him some time to think about things. He said he didn’t expect me to wait for him. Of course I said yes to that and told him I’d be stepping back at the same time to gain some perspective of my own. He emailed one more time to promise me we’d talk again in person once he cleared his head, that I was the most kind, sweet, and generous lady he’d ever met and I was the last person in the world he’d ever want to hurt. He then added that he’d gotten a new phone and added me as a contact….. That was almost 4 weeks ago. He has not contacted me since.
What kind of text do I send this man in this situation? It’s been just about 30 days of no contact. Any advice you could give would be so very appreciated at this point.

Thank you!

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