Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back

542 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

Help

January 3, 2014 at 2:05 am

Hiya chris

I made the mistake of sleeping with ex after 6 weeks successfully completing 6 weeks of NC and during my time of trying to get him back. In response he considers us as ‘just friends’. I have been with him a few times thinking he wanted to get close but during the last time I realised this was not the case.

As he is talking/ dating other girls. I have decided to reimplement NC – today is day 5. But how long should this last for cheis?? He has tried to text me as in to make conversation with me in the last 5 days but I haven’t responded. He has also asked if I’m gonna act weird with him now.

Please help! Not sure how long of NC and what to do after now.

admin

January 3, 2014 at 7:57 pm

Try another 30 days.

Lana

January 2, 2014 at 12:16 am

Chris,
My boyfriend actually broke up a week ago. Since then ive been talking to his friends and they said they wanted to help knocking some sense into him. The first few days was a lil confusing for both of us. He suggested we stop talking to each other but later on facebook msg me. He even wanted to skype. After 4days we broke up he started blocking me on every mean possible, on whatsapp, facebook, blocked my number on his phone so he wouldnt get my text or calls. 2 days ago he called me up and we finally got to talk. He said he needed to get rid of the thoughts of me.. (We never had a big fight when we were together. He said he loves me but cant get over my past) and i heard from his friends that he’s really badly affected by the breakup. And he asked me to stop contacting people from his circle. I intended to do so. Yesterday i talked to his ex (who claimed to be just friends with him), i wanted to apologize and bid farewell. Then she asked me something which in response to i ended up sending a long text. My ex found out about this and text me, saying he has unblocked me after talked d day before. But since i kept on ‘harassing his circle’ he’s reblocking me again and will keep me out of his life forever. Have i lost chance of getting back with him? What should i do? How can i fix this? Will NC even gonna work when he’s already blocking all possible ways for me to communicate with him that he wouldnt even realize im doing the nc?

admin

January 2, 2014 at 6:31 pm

I think it will but you need to find a non threatening way to contact him.

Sue

December 25, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m in the phase of kind of already getting my ex back. Completed about 45 days of NC, he broke up with his rebound, and now we are hanging out on a regular basis. BUT when we first broke up in August, I was desperate and sent 3 of his friends facebook messages asking them to please talk to him and reason with him about getting back with me (ex broke up with me over finding out that I didn’t make as much money as he thought I did). Turns out none of his friends responded to me and instead told him what I did. And I found out that my ex even told the girl he was rebounding with and she in turn, told other people as well. So this has turned into something that is very embarrassing to me. I feel like my ex would never get back with me because of this incident. I imagine he was embarrassed about it too. Again, we are hanging out but we are not telling anyone. We started going out a few days after he broke it off with his rebound. How can I recover from this incident?

admin

December 26, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Just keep taking things slow and work to reestablish your connection.
Sue

December 28, 2013 at 6:50 pm

Hi Chris,

So now my ex is telling me that he thinks I am getting too attached to him and he said we should stop. I asked him like stop all contact? And he said no, but stop going out so much, stop texting each other every day. And he wants me to date other people. Oh, he said we are NOT dating. He also said he doesn’t want to date ANYONE for a long time. All I can do is agree, right? Or do I go back into NC? I’m confused as to what to do now. If he initiates going out, should I go?
Sue

December 29, 2013 at 4:07 am

My ex just texted me a few hours ago and now says that he doesn’t think we should go out at all anymore but we can text. He said I’m getting too attached. And he wants me to date. What do you think I should do now? Start all over? This is happening after I successfully got him to start hanging out with me again after NC, after he broke it off with his rebound, then we started going out but he told me that we’re not dating, and now he doesn’t want to go out at all anymore because he said I’m getting too attached. Please tell me what to do now.

Thank you.
admin

December 29, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Hmm you may have made an error on the dates if he thinks you were getting too attached.
Sue

December 30, 2013 at 2:12 am

Yes, I did act like I was too attached. But now he says we can only text each other and not go out anymore. We don’t even text each other like we did before. He ignores most of my texts now.

So what do you suggest I do now?

Thanks!

Alexis

December 23, 2013 at 12:45 am

Hi Chris,

Very long story short: my ex and I dated and lived together for over 7 years. However, he’s 8 years younger than me (I’m 40) and he felt that he never got enough experience prior to our meeting, but he said he was committed to our relationship. In September he met a woman and they bonded over their troubles in relationships (she’s older too). He broke up with me for her and for the reason that he just really wasn’t sure he was ready for marriage/and not sure I was the right person.

I feel awful, of course. I’ve done absolutely everything in the last two months since he broke up with me that you say not to. I texted, called, begged, said awful angry things to him. I feel I have a right to be angry but I still love him and I’m just not sure that this isn’t about him needing to explore. I have attempted NC but I’ve messed it up each time.

So, what I’m asking is, is there any hope here? Should I try the 60 days of NC (I wrote him poetry…ugh)? Or should I just give up? I feel pretty hopeless about it right now but we had a really strong relationship for a long time. And since I haven’t really given the NC thing a solid chance, I think I should try. What do you think?

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:08 pm

I see no reason why you shouldn’t at least try NC. REmember, it isn’t jsut for him.. it can be for you.

Kris

December 22, 2013 at 9:32 pm

I was with my ex for almost 4 years and than he broke up with me because I was controlling him, and really never trusted him. I’m really embarassed about things I did. we didn’t communicate for few months, but than I called him and after few talks he said he loves me and that he can’t imagine his life without me but is afraid to be in a realationship again. he wants to know if I changed. As time passed we had sex, we went out on dates, and still he said that we are not back together. than I gave him ultimatum and he got mad, bud still came to my house the next day to see me and tell me he really loves me and knows how good I am but he also wants to take it slow, very slow… Go out and travel without me etc.
so what should I do? should I wait for him or is he just using me? we can’t be just frineds because he wants to have sex, he says it’s normal that we do it because we were together for so long and that he doesn’t do it with any other girl, and doesn’t want to… if I pull away he thinks I don’t want him any more and becomes insecure, but if do opposite he says I’m to clingy… what is going on?????

admin

December 23, 2013 at 7:55 pm

No guy likes being controlled. I thin NC would be ideal for you.

Yan

December 21, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Hi, I dated my ex for 5 1/2 years. I think by year 3, all my friends started getting engaged and married, and i started pushing for marriage. We already lived together, and I basically was already the step mother for his son.

Fast forward to year 5, he bought a house, I moved in with him (after him living with me at my parents for 3 years). Something in him snapped when he turned 28. He started pulling away, going through some mid-life crisis. He bought a very impractical antique sports car, questioned everything about his job, etc.

He broke up with me in July, basically saying he needed to get what ever craziness what in his system out. I moved out, and he basically had this girl who was an old friend around immediately. Still, he called me all the time to tell me he missed me, he still loved me, we went on tons of dates to talk, to work on us, etc. We still acted like a couple, and slept together. But all this time, he was still seeing this other woman.
Unfortunately, I think I broke just about every rule about hanging out with an ex, texting like crazy, fighting, jealousy, sleeping with him etc. So we’ve been broken up for about 5 months. I just started the NC rule 3 days ago, but is it too late to fix things when he’s already with her?

admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:29 am

Keep doing the NC.
Yan

December 21, 2013 at 3:43 pm

He has also said that he doesn’t want to live without me in his life, he still feels like when he thinks about the future, he sees me as his wife, his son’s step mother, and the mother of his unborn children (which up unit la few weeks ago, he was pretty sure he didn’t want). Are those just pretty words?

Sandra

December 19, 2013 at 7:09 am

I think I just read every article you’ve written and didn’t know which one to write on. I feel like my situation doesn’t fit super well with some of your advice and I would love some thoughts. It’ll be a wall of text, but I wanted things to be laid out clearly! I’m so sorry…definitely ignore me if you can’t be bothered.

Basically, my ex is struggling with depression and drinking etc. He broke up with me saying he isn’t ready for a serious relationship after his prior relationship. His best friend told me it was an abusive relationship and he needed to be alone and deal with his problems.

During the breakup he said I was the best girlfriend he has had and his family and friends love me. His best friend said my ex said I was truly wonderful blah blah. But during the breakup he also said he was trying to be cold and didn’t want to talk to me anymore or be friends because he didn’t want to hurt me or give me false hope or string me along.

He’s definitely implementing no contact. I sent him a message eventually saying I wanted to be his friend and be there for him, or at least a friend that could share funny videos/comment on pictures etc. He didn’t read/reply. I sent a simply birthday message on his birthday and got no response. He came to my work and he waved, but wouldn’t talk to me.

I get upset for two reasons every other day. 1. We both do love each other, but he’s too masochistic to be with me. 2. It’s all bullshit and he’s moving on with other girls.

I read into stupid signs that it’s #1 like he still wears a stupid homemade bracelet I made him. Or he untagged 100 photos on Facebook but kept even blurry ones of us kissing/hugging there.

Did I make a big mistake contacting him? How do I go about this if I want to get him back? You have said NC from a guy is rare…so I am totally lost here.

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:40 pm

I am not going to ignore you.

1. I am sorry this is a problem with him :(.
2. This is something I have experience with. It is a guy thing.

Not a big mistake but probably give him some time before you reach out again. Also, ask yourself do you want to be with someone who plays games like this and treats you in this way. I can tell you are a very smart woman.
Sandra

December 20, 2013 at 6:05 am

Oops, I’m an idiot. I guess you meant it’s a guy thing to move on with the other girls?

When I listed those two points it was kind of like the reasons I get upset. I have no idea if either one is true, but flipping between the two ideas is keeping the hurt fresh.
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:36 am

You are not an iddiot and you are right to ask questions. You have a right to understand.
Sandra

December 20, 2013 at 1:16 am

Thanks so much for responding. You’re definitely right in saying I should ask myself if I really want to be with him. He was definitely afraid if he didn’t end it I would pretty soon.

What exactly did you mean was a guy thing?
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:27 am

When I say that I mean its a normal reaction or way of dealign with something that a guy typically exhibits.

Confused

December 15, 2013 at 12:21 am

Chris,
Ive read this site over & over & over for the last several months. I contacted you once before, a few months ago. Its been a year since the breakup yet he has always kept contact. I did ALL the WRONG things until you and your site got me on track. I did over 2 months of nc while he texted and called varying between daily or once every couple weeks. Then he showed up and I saw him a few times in a week (dinner and the good ol’ hook-up). Then I was ignored so I went back to nc a couple weeks ago. Last night I screwed up royally. I had way too much to drink and answered his simple text with stupid things like F you. I hate you. Your a player. Im changing my number. Oh Chris, i know I screwed up all my hard work royally but HOW DO I UN-DO WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT???? How do I fix this now? Thank you!

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Apologize and go back into NC.

Rachel

December 11, 2013 at 9:56 pm

I think I know your answer… But
Christmas is coming up…. Either which way should you txt or txt back just to wish Christmas festivities?

The only way I can think about getting aroun it, is to send the same message at the same time to his folks? The parents and I still get on..

admin

December 12, 2013 at 2:04 am

Don’t text back haha.

Tori

December 5, 2013 at 8:19 pm

Hi Chris,

After reading this page i have pretty much made every single mistake on this page.. When me and my ex broke up i would call his phone and text him non stop. I felt like if i stopped talking to him he would forget me and move on and that if at least i was calling and texting him he would still be thinking about me. We have been broken up for about 5 months. But its been very off and on. We both havent stopped talking to one another. If we fight he turns everything on to me and why we broke up and then i bag for him back and text him and call him a million times. I couldnt even help myself. I was still sleeping with him up to about a month ago.
I do want him back i just dont know of a way to do it right. I have entered into the no contact and its been about 2 weeks now. But its very hard to not message him hes been texting me non stop for the past week and he left me a message a day ago saying ” I guess you dont want to talk anymore i am going to leave you alone i am going to delete your number i hope you find someone that makes you happy bye tori” i almost was in tears and i wanted to call him and tell him how i felt right there. I dont want us to drift away anymore then we have already.

What should i do at this point? Do you think hes going to really delete my number and move on? This has been driving me crazy the past few days

Please help!!!

admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:21 pm

No contact for you is a must. Don’t be so available for him.

Abby

November 29, 2013 at 11:35 am

Hi Chris,

i fully admit i made a HUGE mistake of cheating on my boyfriend for 7 months.it was really hard when he said he doesnt want me in his life anymore.and im guilty of making all the mistakes listed in this column,except for the ultimatum and grand gestures.we got back together and aftr 2 weeks he saw another guy’s photo which was sent to me via whatsapp,and i forgot to delete them.i tried to tell him it was nothing but he wouldnt believe anything i say now.and i kept calling and texting him and got my things out from his home the same day we fought.and he started telling me how he feels,all his pain and everything else.i didnt respond,i didnt make excuses coz i am fully admitting my mistake.but the minute i left his house,i started texting him and calling him but he ignored me completely.and now i am literally begging him to talk to me.he is not very showy when it comes to his feelings for me.and im scared that if i start the NC rule that you are talking about,maybe we will drift apart from each other more.and how would i take what i said back?like one minute i was professing my love to him and the next minute im telling him ok,im giving him time to think.what else is there to do?i dont want to lose him at all…

hope u could help me more.thanks.

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:31 am

What made you want to cheat on him?
Abby

November 30, 2013 at 4:43 pm

i didnt do it on purpose.there was one guy who had always been very nice to me and he really wants me to be his girl.he was almost the idea of a perfect boyfriend..and i felt neglected by my true boyfriend.its like im only his girl when we are together.we seldom go out.and since we were living together,evry night he goes out with his friends and comes home late.i aksed him if he could leasen going out a bit but he said he cant.its his only way of enjoying his life.so i didnt stop him anymore.i was always shy to tell him how i feel because i dont want us to argue.so i kept mum about how i really feel.until i ended up having to go out with the other guy and he found out about it…

Emem

November 29, 2013 at 10:20 am

Not many writers go a long way to explian things or give less pressure on buying their books. This is help indeed. And all the passionate complians above get their answers by you. I don’t need to ask anything any more because you have handled it. I will love to get your book too. Thank you from the depth of my heart. Thank you for sharing.

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:31 am

Well I am not going to lie. If everyone who read this article bought my book I would be a very happy man but I don’t believe in the hard sell. I just want to provide as much value as possible so thanks for seeing that.

Jessie

November 23, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Hi,

So I’m going to start by saying I’ve made right about every mistake in this article, except the grand gesture, I think…

I was in a relationship with my ex for over seven years. We started dating in high school, and this was both of ours first actual relationship. I was his first everything (other than his first kiss) and he was my first everything. We both ended up at the same college as well, but given that he’s a year older than me, he went to college first, and his freshman year was a bit of a long distance relationship for us, given my inability to drive that far very often and the sheer distance between home and his college prevented him from visiting more than once per month. That year (about 3 years into our relationship), things were rocky, I was slightly insecure about him cheating, so I pestered a lot, and instead of reassuring me, he used to go out and party, even in the middle of a fight, but he says he never cheated.

Then when I ended up at the same college as him, everything worked out fine, and we practically lived together for those 2 and half years. His summer of junior year, he landed an internship about 500 miles away, and during the first part of the summer, we had a hard time adjusting, because he rarely made time for us to talk on the phone and he didn’t take the effort to ever come and visit, and visiting for me wasn’t really an option because I was taking classes from a place where there was no easy form of transportation. Eventually, when I was fed up and I decided to call it quits, he started putting in tons of effort, he came down to visit, he called or gchated, or texted all the time, especially after he found out that another guy who has been interested in me since we started dating was still trying to hang out with me.

At the end of first semester of his senior year, he ended up graduating and getting a job with the same company he interned with. So this time, he was 500 miles away and given that I need to do graduate school for about 4-5 years after my college ends, we aren’t sure when we’ll end up getting out of this long distance thing. It could be that I end up in the same city as him after college (in about six months) or it could end up that I’m closer, but still about 300-400 miles away from him, I’m just not sure. At the beginning of the long distance relationship, this past January, things were hard. We were still trying to adjust and make things work. He worked crazy hours, I had a major exam that I was studying for and was always stressed about, and I still had time for him, but he often didn’t make time for me, and when he did, I guess I didn’t appreciate it, because I was focused in on the times he didn’t. Then afterwards, as I freed up, I used to call and pester a lot whenever I was bored, even though I knew he was busy (my mistake, I know) Eventually though, it seemed to me, that these past few months were going well, we were finally getting into a normal pattern and things were working out.

That is, until we got into a huge fight about a month ago. During the fight, he said tons of things that were awful and mean, but often times, our fights end up that way. This time though, he was horrid, and then when he called to apologize, he sounded distant and decided that we should break up, and sounded like he meant it. When I asked why, he said that he hasn’t really loved me these past two years, and that he doesn’t feel like this relationship makes him happy anymore, even though right before the fight we were happy (or so I thought.)

I spent a few days trying to fix things on the phone, like we usually do every time something like this happens, but nothing seemed to be working. So, then after two days of not talking, I decided to show up there, with minimal notification (I told him I was on my way about 10 hours before I got there). When I got there, he met me at the train station, and we went back to my hotel where we talked and I practically begged him to not be so stubborn and throw away seven years over one fight (I know, stupid decision). Nothing seemed to work, so I ended up taking a flight back home the following day. Since, then, I had been calling or texting every few days, and every time he would say he was serious about the break up and he honestly didn’t want to date.
For the past 10 days, I was in NC with him, until I cracked last night because I forgot to bring some of the stuff I had to return to him home from college. So I messaged him to notify him that I left that stuff at home, and that if he needed some of the smaller things, like a key I accidentally forgot to give back, I could ship it, but the larger things would have to wait till Christmas time, when I came back home for break. Instead of leaving it there, I messaged him a few normal light-hearted messages, and initially his responses were neutral, but afterword, he stopped responding. So, I called, and he said he was in a rush to go somewhere, and I found out that he blocked my phone number on his cell phone (I also did the same at the time of the break-up, but unblocked him).
On top of all these problems, are his parents. He and I are technically of a different religion, but to me they seem about the same, it’s like two different sects of Christianity. His parents don’t really like me because we aren’t of the same sect and according to them, the people that my family and I are friends with aren’t good people, but in reality, it’s just his parents’ being judgmental against anyone who doesn’t follow their beliefs and their religion. While the religion thing didn’t seem to bother him all that much, his parents were a constant point of argument between us, because even after seven years, I had barely met them once, during which they said absolutely nothing to me. After we fought that last time, and during the period I was trying to get a proper explanation out of him, he said he just didn’t think that our relationship was making him happy enough to end up going against his parents.
I do eventually want to end up with him, because I honest to god love him and when he puts in the effort, he makes me incredibly happy. Also, my biggest thing with him is that we do wonderfully when we are together, and being apart takes a toll on us, but isn’t that the ultimate goal? Eventually ended up together forever? Even before the fight, about two weeks before we broke up, he came down to visit me, and two weeks before that, was our seven-year anniversary and so I went up to visit him, and during both those visits, we had a spectacular time. And we understand each other so well, he almost always knows what I need and I almost always know what he needs. I know I want to eventually end up with him, I just don’t know how to proceed anymore. All this is very new for me. I’ve never dated anyone else, and we’ve never been put in a situation quite like this before.
I guess I’m not sure what to do now? Will no contact work for me? Every time we have broken up, one of us takes the effort to mend things, but this time, he isn’t even giving me a chance to do that? Have I messed things up so badly that no contact won’t work? Seeing as I go a few days no contact, but always eventually crack… I guess I’m wondering if I actually have a shot at saving this, in your opinion. Do I have anything really working in my favor to fix this?

admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Sure it will. I would do no contact immediately.
Jessie

November 25, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Thank you so much! Is there a way to edit my comment? I realized that if he came across this, it would link right back to me. Or could you delete this post and then I could add a shortened version of my comment?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:51 pm

What would you like edited?
Jessie

November 26, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Can I have this posted instead? Sorry for the hassle! I probably should have thought it through before I posted it the first time!

I was in a relationship with my ex for over seven years. We started dating in high school, and this was both of ours first actual relationship. I was his first everything (other than his first kiss) and he was my first everything. We both ended up at the same college as well, but given that he’s a year older than me, he went to college first, and his freshman year was a bit of a long distance relationship for us, given the sheer distance between home and his college. That year, things were rocky, I was slightly insecure about him cheating, so I pestered a lot, and instead of reassuring me, he used to just ignore it and continue doing what he wanted.
Then when we ended up at the same college, everything worked out fine. But about a year ago, when he graduated, he moved 500 miles away for a job, and we started doing long distance. We don’t know how long this will last, anywhere from 6 months to 6ish years. At the beginning of the long distance relationship, things were hard. We were still trying to adjust and make things work. Our hours didn’t match up and we had a hard time talking, and he wasn’t a big fan of making time for us to talk. Eventually though, it seemed to me, that these past few months were going well, we were finally getting into a normal pattern and things were working out.
That is, until we got into a huge fight and broke up about two months ago. During the fight, he said tons of things that were awful and mean, but often times, our fights end up that way. This time though, he was horrid, and then when he called to apologize, he sounded distant and decided that we should break up, and sounded like he meant it. When I asked why, he said that he hasn’t really loved me these past two years, and that he doesn’t feel like this relationship makes him happy anymore, even though right before the fight we were happy (or so I thought.) After spending sometime trying to fix things and doing right about everything on this page, from becoming a call and text gnat to showing up unannounced, and eventually begging, I stopped for about 10 days.
After 10 days of NC, I initially contacted him about giving him some of his stuff back, but instead of leaving it there, I started calling and texting again. I messaged him a few normal light-hearted messages, and initially his responses were neutral, but afterword, he stopped responding. So, I called, and he said he was in a rush to go somewhere, and I found out that he blocked my phone number on his cell phone (I also did the same at the time of the break-up, but unblocked up).
I do eventually want to end up with him because we make each other really happy when we are together (we just tend to lose sight of it when we are apart). We understand each other really well and we are incredibly compatible. I know I really love him, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way!
I guess I’m not sure what to do now? Will no contact work for me? Every time we have broken up, one of us takes the effort to mend things, but this time, he isn’t even giving me a chance to do that? Have I messed things up so badly that no contact won’t work? Seeing as I go a few days no contact, but always eventually crack… I guess I’m wondering if I actually have a shot at saving this, in your opinion. I’m not sure if our long history will work in my favor or not this time.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Of course you have a shot. But things need to be handled with care.
Jessie

November 23, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Sorry! I know this is really long!

Cindy

November 23, 2013 at 12:55 am

So here is the summary, he broke up with me because he was confused after 11 months. I did NC for 5 days and he begged me back in the 6th day and I SAID yes (I REGRET THAT NOW) we have been perfect for 2 weeks, we had an argument 2 days ago.. HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!!!!!!! I am doing NC now its been 2 days but my question is NC going to work if he has broken up with me twice? please… let me know your thoughts I appreciate it….

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Yes.. have you ever tried it before?

Eilsel

November 20, 2013 at 11:07 pm

Hi Chris!
I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate cites like yours. I have never been broken up with so I feel really out in the unknown dealing with my breakup.

It has been almost 2 months since my ex broke up with me after a 7 year relationship. We lived together for 5 years part of that in a home that we shopped for and picked together, have two dogs together, talked about getting married – he even talked about how he had been shopping for rings. The reason for the breakup was that he was not happy; that he didn’t see a future with us anymore; we had been arguing toward the end – something I agree needed to change. We had some bad times toward the end with communication but I truly believe this stress came from a lot of pressure to get married (we had 10 weddings/engagements this spring and summer that didn’t help).

In the beginning we talked almost every day and I quickly realized I needed to do NC for myself and for him. I did have to see him at a wedding within that time, other than that we have not had contact. I took a trip half way across the country to visit friends for my personal get away and found out that he had texted them to find out if I made it there ok and what I was doing – of course he said not to tell me.
Last week was the end of the 30 days and I went to get the rest of my things from our old place. We talked and chatted like old times and when I asked him to get a drink with me after he said yes. I didn’t talk to him for a couple days after and then yesterday I asked him if he would like to see the dogs on my way home from our walk and we hung out for a short time again.

I truly believe that this man is who I want to spend the rest of my life with; my heart cannot ignore that. I have never met someone – friend or otherwise – that understands me as well as he does and I can be my true self with.

I do not know where to go from here. He knows I want us to end up together – I said that in the beginning over-emotional stage. I don’t want to scare him away and I do not want to end up in the friend zone. I assume I should let the next step be to wait for him to contact me since I have been initiating the contact?
Thanks!

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:41 pm

How long have you been in NC?
Eilsel

November 21, 2013 at 10:06 pm

I Went the entire 30 days. With the exception of the wedding in the middle.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Ok, what are your texts looking like?
Eilsel

November 23, 2013 at 12:23 am

They have been positive, I have been waiting for his reply before I do. His responses are not short and quick. I haven’t tried doing anything too flirtatious because I’m afraid it will scare him off making him think I am trying to get him back.
The last time we texted I ended the conversation saying I was going out.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:32 pm

;Well things are progressing be happy for that.
Eilsel

November 24, 2013 at 3:10 am

I am happy. But I am worried I am just ending up as a friend, which is obviously what I don’t want.
I don’t know where to go from here.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Well have you read this page: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
Eilsel

December 10, 2013 at 3:43 pm

Hi Chris. I wanted to give you an update and hopefully get some hopeful words from you.

My ex and I have been hanging out, everything has been great, we were (what I thought) working forward. However, this weekend he tells me that he has been having sex with a girl he works with. He tells me that it is just for the sex, a rebound, to help him cope. In this same conversation he told me that constantly thinks about us getting back together but he just can’t. He also told me that before we broke up he was looking for rings, he wanted to marry me but he was scared we would just get divorced shortly after.
He drinks constantly, gets depressed or cries when he is out with our friends and now is having random sex, all things uncharacteristic of him.

I am at a loss of what to do. I know that I cannot want this unstable person back in my life, but I still feel like he is going to have an “Aha moment” and come back. Am I crazy? Everyone keeps telling me that this should be the end of it now that he is sleeping around, I should just let go.
I don’t know where to go from here…

Mikaela

November 19, 2013 at 11:13 pm

Hi Chris I’m in need of some advice on how to handle this situation with my ex boyfriend. Me and my ex-boyfriend dated for six years. We met in the 8th grade and began dating in 9th grade. I was 14 at the time and he was 15. He was my very first boyfriend and my only boyfriend I’ve ever had. We dated all through High-school and a couple of years after we graduated and we were still together. His family loved and was crazy about me and vice versa! We just knew we were going to be married. We even thought about going ahead to make plans to be engaged before going of to university:). We had a very loving committed and serious relationship. However while our relationship seemed perfect we had our problems. Some of those problems caused conflict in our relationship. We are both Christians and when we first began dating I told him I was a virgin and wanted to remain one until marriage. He respected that and we really tried to sustain from sexual contact and have a loving and Godly relationship. I’m not going to lie it was so hard:/ ! Especially the older we got and the longer we were together. He also had a big problem with watching internet pornography which made things even harder. Sometimes in the heat of the moment things just happened and we would both feel bad for slipping and would try to do the right thing but we had our weak moments. I know it’s harder for him because he’s a guy. Anyway it was a big problem and it resulted in me breaking up with him for a while. This happened the summer after we graduated high-school. We were apart about 3 months. However I really missed him and despite our problems I wanted to make things work out. After talking things over we decided to get back together only he didn’t tell me while we were split up he was seeing another girl. I know I couldn’t be mad about it because at the time we were split apart and he had the right to date who he wanted to! But now we were back together and he was still going behind my back seeing her! Not only that but I also found out he had been sleeping with her. When I found that out i felt so hurt and betrayed. How could he give his virginity to another girl when I’m trying to do the right thing and hold out until marriage:(. After finding that out I broke it off with him and told him I just couldn’t take him back after what he did. He begged and begged and literally cried In front of me saying how sorry he was and that he would change and brake it off with her. He even started texting my mom telling her how much he loves me and didn’t wanna lose me:(. After hearing and going through that I decided to forgive him and take him back. Finally he cut that girl loose and our relationship was back on track and things were going great. A year later after this happening me and my boyfriend were happy but the problem of him with porn and trying to sustain from sex was still a big problem for us that it was making us frustrated. One night me and him go into Walmart to pick u some groceries and one our way to check out he told me he wanted to say hi to one of his friends . So I follow in behind him and he’s like wait I don’t want her to see you because it will make her feel awkward. I’m thinking to my self how is that when she’s just your friend! But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and trusted him. Then I noticed he began talking and hanging out with her a lot when he wasn’t with me. So I asked him if anything was going on between them and he says no. She’s just a friend and that he could never date her because she had a kid and he loved me. So again trying to be trusting I blew it off. Around May right before summertime came he out of nowhere says ” you know it wouldn’t be a bad idea if I dated her” and I’m like what the hell! I knew something was going on between them and he tried to make up some lame excuse saying she needs help and her life is a mess and I just wanna help her out ! He told me we needed space and that he wanted to take a break for a couple of months and then get back together. I wasn’t gonna buy that bull crap because I felt he only wanted a brake to screw around with this girl and keep me waiting. He told me I’m someone he wanted to be with longterm and she’s someone he wants to be with in the short term. He said he still wants to Marry me and he loves me ect.. How selfish is that! So two months passed and we had no contact for almost a month in a half then he messages me saying he wants to see me.I see him on my birthday and he tells me whatever happens , happens between me and him. He’s still messing around with her and pretty much dumped and screwed me over. I mean it does not make any sense he begs and cries for me to take him back and he’s doing the same crap again playing on my emotions:(.. If he loved me he would be with me right? Then he took down all of our pictures off his Facebook and put up ones of him and her. That really hurt:( I’ve been so depressed these past 6 months. I’ve tried no contact but I keep on breaking it and calling him:( I miss him and I just want him back. He would call every now and then but now he never calls hardly:( I feel like he’s really moved on and doesn’t love me anymore. When I tried to talk things out with him he gets all defensive saying I don’t wanna talk about relationships .. He really doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he treated me. It’s not even the same person. I don’t know what to do at this point:( what’s your advice?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Have you tried NC yet?

Lolol

November 14, 2013 at 11:41 pm

First of all, thank you for taking the time to write all this down.

Well, I started the NC today and I may have done wrong by telling him I needed some time apart because I didn’t want to be mean or overemotional to him and that I would be feeling like shit. But the thing is, his birthday would be on day 19 of the NC and I know you’ve said that no contact is no contact but, I don’t know, is a “happy birthday, have a great day” text still wrong, even if I continue to ignore him for the rest of the NC period?

It may be a stupid question but I’m so f**king clueless I can’t even think straight.

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:03 pm

No problem!

I would not break NC for a happy birthday. But its all up to you in the end.
Lolol

November 16, 2013 at 12:58 am

Also, I just got a private message from him on the forum we met regarding to a petition I just posted for an online game. He gave me his key to play and such :/ I think that it would be better to stop posting there?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Yes it might be.
Lolol

November 16, 2013 at 11:32 pm

Thanks a million, you’re great 🙂
Lolol

November 15, 2013 at 8:58 pm

So, if I choose not to do so, what would you think is a good answer when he asks me about it? “I needed some time apart” would cut it?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:39 pm

I think I just really was going through some stuff and needed some time alone will cut it.

SC

November 11, 2013 at 2:04 am

Okay so I have not contacted him since our break up. It has been 2 weeks. Thing is my birthday is next week. What do I do if he contacts me and says happy birthday? Do I just ignore him?

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Pretty much.

anonymous

November 6, 2013 at 12:51 pm

Okay i’m not too sure if you remembered my case. But to summarize it. I did NC for a mth. Texted him and things were smooth for coming 2wks. Went for lunch with him a few days back. It went well. But today he didn reply my msgs and i freaked out and turned into a text gnat. I’m freaking out more that he may be dating other ladies. 🙁 how can i redeem myself?

Signs of the lady he could be dating. I saw photos in facebook. he brought her to his family picnic/bbq and they brought their family to visiting each other houses too!

We broke up early this year and he probably got to know her frm then till now. I’ve asked him abt her before. And he said he’s not serious abt her. It hurts real bad 🙁

Now that i thought things btwn us could get better since NC. I’ve turned into a text gnat 🙁 i’m feeling damn insecure abt him dating other ladies.

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Why are you so insecure about it?
anonymous

November 10, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Well, cause i’m afraid that he may be seriously dating other ladies and that may dampened my chances with him. Sure, he entertains my msgs, calls etc.

And he does keep me updated of his whereabouts etc so he seems too busy with work and all to be dating other ladies but i can’t help having this insecure feeling! We all know that men can multi task and contact a few ladies at one go.

what if he just sees me as a friend? How do i know for sure without having to directly ask him? Don’t want to scare him off so soon by asking heavy qns. And he has yet to ask me on a second date! 🙁

P.s. i may be losing my cool here by confiding in you. But i have not turned into an epic text or call gnat with him. Probably that’s why he’s continuing to entertain me since i’m a lil less emotional than before.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Why would you be losing your cool for that?

Just right now work on getting that second date.
anonymous

November 11, 2013 at 11:58 am

Also, side tracking a bit. What do you recommend to someone who has been a call or text gnat or who basically made the mistakes above AFTER NC for one mth? Any chances of still getting back their ex?

Since the quick fixes i’ve seen above seems to apply to those who have not entered NC with their ex yet.
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Go really relaly really slowly. Just work on getting positive responses.
anonymous

November 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Should they go NC again? Esp if they became a text gnat and their ex ignores their text msgs. How then do salvage the situation?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:24 pm

You have to let some time go by so your not viewed as bad of a text gnat.

jordan

November 4, 2013 at 4:09 pm

hi. need major advice on what to say to the guy (i think) i want back. we were together for about 10 months. it was an instant connection but i kept walls up because of previous bad relationships. he never once pressured me to open up and that was great. just before i broke up with him i went through alot of emotional crap, two family member passed within a month of each other.i had to leave the country for a month because of immigration stuff and while i was away i drunkenly kissed a random guy. i felt very guilty and told my now ex about it and he completely forgave me said it was nothing “just a kiss” and this worried me. i pushed my guy further away.. even got mad at him for it.. after about a 8 weeks of not talking and keeping him at arms length. i realized i want to try and work things out with him. he was good for me and my family adores him. im unsure on what to say to him. im supposed to be meeting him for drinks soon and i want to say ” i want to feel this thing out not jump right back into things but see where it goes” but im afraid he might not trust me to really put the effort in. im so nervous and scared please help me!!

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Well have you done any NC yet?

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