Learn Exactly What Your Ex Is Feeling During The No Contact Rule

263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”

Chidinma

July 16, 2019 at 2:40 pm

What if nothing happens after the 21-30 days no contact rule
Amanda

July 16, 2019 at 4:00 am

I broke up with my boyfriend of one year about 3 weeks ago and started doing NC right away. We left with no fights, no hard feelings, love each other and want the best for each other, etc. We have incredible chemistry but the timing isn’t right. He was content to just talk on the phone for months–our conversations are always amazing but they ended up just being heartbreaking for me because he never made time to actually go out with me. Anyway, I broke up with him and told him I was going to do NC for a “long time” which means until he’s inspired to change… if ever. He agreed, but I really think he didn’t believe I would be able to do it. We go to the same church and I’ve been doing really well avoiding him. Anyway, my mom (who is 30 years older than us, but still beautiful in her 60s) also goes to our church. For the last 2 weeks, he and she have both gotten there before me and he approaches her and flirts with her! Tells her she’s stunning, carries on a conversation, etc. Of course she loves the flattery and thinks “he just can’t help talking to pretty ladies”. He does have a habit of flirting with older ladies, which never bothered me before. But my mom?! Really?! I wanted SO badly to text him and call him out on it today but I didn’t do it. Why does he think this is appropriate? Should I make an exception and ask him to leave her alone, or just ignore his ridiculousness?
Lorinda

July 11, 2019 at 12:07 am

Me and my ex broke up 7/3/2019 he called on 7/7/2019 saying he misses me and he know I miss him to haven’t talk to him since please help!
Rani

July 10, 2019 at 6:23 pm

my ex and I broke up 3 months ago but have still been living together. He ended it because we had been arguing a lot and he just couldn’t do it anymore. I was stressed a lot with work and tired and someone who we thought was a friend was causing issues between him and I. For about 2 months we have been going through the motions of what we would when together minus the I love you and physical/romantic side of the relationship. We would still tell each other about our day and chill together and such.
He told me he needs time and space to work out if he’s feeling what he’s feeling because he genuinely wants to be with me and feels that way or if it’s just because he’s comfortable. We’re both moving this weekend to seperate places on our own and I’m worried I’m going to lose him forever. I’m the type of person that cuts it clean. So if you tell me it’s over it’s over but telling me need space and time has confused that. I love this man. Without a doubt I want to share my life with him. I’m worried I’ll lose him, and that he could be telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He’s a genuine nice guy that would help anyone out and doesn’t like hurting peoples feelings. I plan on doing NC when we leave for my own sanity and also to give him the respect of giving him space. I just worry that because we lived together for 3 months after splitting and we’re friendly (feelings come out when we drank together) that I’ve been pushed into the friend zone.
Lisa

July 10, 2019 at 1:07 pm

I was with my boyfriend for over 10 years, we have 2 beautiful young girls together and a new home. We haven’t been giving each other emotional attention for a while until recently when I decided we should do more of that to strengthen our relationship. Everything seemed great, he cuddled me more, etc but sometimes he seemed a bit distant. We have also been having a lot of arguments as I didn’t want him to do certain things like go on long hunting trips, try for a better paying job that will have him to leave town every 2 weeks. Since we have been trying to work things out, such as more cuddling, less arguments and being intimate more, it seemed fine, until I got upset that he wanted to try for that job again. I lost it as I wanted him home with our family and not have to leave for half the month at a time. He decided to go back home (another community) and I he later told me that he had been cheating. He said he needed to think things through and didn’t wanna discuss about the relationship yet. What is he thinking now? Does he still love and miss me? What?? I will attempt the no contact rule, I’m hoping for a good outcome.
Ritzz

July 5, 2019 at 4:05 pm

I heard my ex is in relationship with someone else the most funny thing is he still is in contact with my best friend and informs her that he took her girlfriend on date.. they spent good times and I’d happy he knows that my best friend will definitely tell me all these I have no idea what he is trying to do
Rachel

July 1, 2019 at 5:10 pm

My ex and I have dated for a month and we broke up twice but we still continued to talk after. The way we communicated it was as if we didn’t really break up and we texted everyday. Although, eventually it started to become odd for him so I told him I needed some time without him but he keeps finding random ways to contact me and I’m cornered to respond because this is a club we work on together in college. I’m not sure what to do, should I say something to him and tell him again that I need time?
Eli

July 1, 2019 at 3:04 am

My ex broke up with me after 3 months saying he needs to work on himself and is too busy to have a relationship. I already have your book but wanted to know if I should do the full 30 days of NC even though the relationship was so short?
Ella

June 29, 2019 at 12:53 pm

My ex boyfriend and I were together for about 2 years and 10months. He broke up with me about 2months ago. I started NC after 1 month of begging and pleading. Today is 19th day of NC. I am focusing now on my growth and well being. I am not expecting him to come back since he is very firm with his decision and even told me that we are never getting back together. He deleted all pictures of us from all social media. I am moving on now. Hahaha
Jon Barrington

June 24, 2019 at 2:03 am

Me and my ex were kind of in this limbo phase of us seeing each other on and off weekly after a few breakups and arguments. She is moving away for work in 5 weeks when her college semester was up and I think it put a lot of strain on both of us.

We both still had feelings for each other and hung out weekly. Initially she broke things off with me because she was feeling overwhelmed and then came back to me a week or so later saying she wanted to get back together. I told her I wanted take things slow and not jump back into something so quickly and just focus on having fun and enjoying each other’s company while she was still in town for the time being. She agreed and understandably, kind of became a little more distant.

One night she texted me a long message about how I was someone she absolutely adores more then anyone she has ever met and cares about she said she wanted to spend as much time as possible together while she’s here but wanted us to both have the freedom to do what we feel is best. So I set a date and we went out for drinks.

I was showing her something on snapchat and she say several snaps that I sent to friends and she saw a message a few other women had sent me. I did not realize and it was an absolute rookie mistake, the reality is I don’t want anything from these girls. I have been seeing a few other people only because I did not want to let myself become emotionally hung up on my ex but would never want to rub it in her face. She assumed I was dating and actively pursuing several other women and became upset and asked me to drop her off.

On the car ride home I told her that she was the only women I wanted and that I wanted to get back together if she did not like it that I was talking to other girls. She did not answer that and left.

3 days later after not hearing from her I reached out via phone call and asked her what was going on. She said she can’t jump back into a relationship with me but she can’t see me if I’m seeing other girls. She said she wasn’t happy with herself and that she did not want to “drag me around with her shit”.

So i did not get mad or upset but I told her that I wasn’t interested in being friends or not romantic and to call me when she figured out whatever she needed to figure out. 3 days later on a Thursday night she texted me at 11:45pm asking if I was up. I wasn’t awake and in the morning I texted her back and said,”have you figured out what you needed to figure out?”

She responded yes, and that she was just a little overwhelmed. I said ok, and asked her when she was free to get together. She said she was leaving in the morning to go on a weekend vacation with her family and asked if it would be cool if she let me know once she got back. I agreed to this as I also had plans to leave town that weekend to visit a buddy. I told her I was leaving this weekend also and to just let me know and we would set something up when she got back. She said great and I went about my business and did not contact her at all.

Anyway, that weekend my buddy canceled our plans so I winded up staying in town. I decided to go to the bar with my old roommates who’s a girl, her boyfriend and her girlfriends. When I was out at the bar I saw my ex’s best friend and roommate and went over to say hi gave them a hug and enjoyed the rest of the night did not say more then that.

Bottom line is my ex’s friends saw me leave the bar with 4 girls they don’t know. I am 100% positive they told my ex who thought I was supposed to be out of town for the weekend. I haven’t heard back at all from my ex whatsoever. She is not the type of girl to say she’s going to get back to me and not do so. It’s been about 11 days since she first reached back out.

Now I don’t know what to do. She’s probably upset but really I dint do anything wrong. Should I contact her or should I just leave her be? Please help.

Chris Seiter

June 24, 2019 at 3:01 pm

Probably best to give her some more space, up to days. Then reach out to her in the way I teach in my Program

Caroline

June 23, 2019 at 6:28 pm

Hi Chris,
I was in a long term situationship. I decided to leave because I am looking for more commitment.
I won’t lie, I love this man. Now on day 12 of no contact. What would be your advice to women in my situation?
Thanks so much!

Chris Seiter

June 23, 2019 at 7:57 pm

Hi Caroline…i will press forward with NC, but make sure you put your focus on “you” and your full recovery and personal growth. Take a look at my Program – EBR Pro Bundle – for more insights into this whole process.

NC

June 22, 2019 at 12:40 am

My ex sent me a message on FB on the 14th day after complete radio silence … and before i could see it he had “removed it” except FB tells you “X removed a message” and time stamped. I don’t think it was an accident his phone is always blowing up he would’ve had to scroll a fair way down his list of hoes he’s been messaging to even find our convo from 2 weeks ago. What is the psychology behind this even? What a weirdo? Coward? What did he hope to achieve with this? I ignored all of this btw. My friends and I have started betting on when he will finally reach out to pass the time hahaha at this time I’m still winning cause he removed his message before i could see it.
Nina

June 20, 2019 at 5:59 am

Can NC rule have the same effects after 2 months passed since the break up and we talked every day for that 2 months. First he left me on read on which i reacted and he responded and i ended up not responding to him on the last 3 messages which was 3 days ago. Can it have the same effect even though we talked about the break up and had positive conversations during those 2 months with him being hot and cold, jealous and caring, flirty and then also rude and distant.
L.S

June 19, 2019 at 6:45 pm

Sigh…I’ve read a few of the comments here but my situation seems different from the rest. You see, I’ve been a born again Christian since the age and throughout those years, I didn’t receive guidance about relationships and dating and had to figure it out on my own. For me its just been a pattern of failed relationships, most of them ended with me being dumped after like 3 months suddenly.

However, I was in a 4-year relationship with someone who is also a Christian but we were both spiritually immature when we got together, our history is very complicated and after a while I grew unhappy and realized he wasn’t the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (there were other factors, disagreements, unmutual feelings, and personal issues on both ends) so I walked away.

My second longest and recent relationship was the best one. He was a real gentleman, very respectful and supportive , showed interest from the start and we connected instantly and had so much in common. Our relationship was easy. I thought finally, this is what I’ve been searching for and I finally have it. We shared so many wonderful moments together. We met each others families and got along with them very well. We were together for 9 months and did not argue once (scary). I thought a lot about what my future would be like with him and at first it didn’t seem all that bad. I knew from the start that he didn’t have a personal relationship with God like I do and I wasn’t in the same place spiritually when I decided to go for it with him versus to where I am now. I did tell him from the beginning about my relationship with God and where I stood and he was okay with that. Throughout the relationship, there was something in me that kept pointing out our differences in faith. I kept pushing away those feelings and worries for a while (first mistake). I know I should’ve talked to him the first time it happened. I also should have made the effort to invite him into that part of my life but I didn’t want to pressure him. By the time my feelings got more intense about this matter, I not only realized that my expectations for marriage and family changed (i.e having a husband who also has a relationship with God and raising my children in the church) but I panicked at the realization that while there’s only a 50% chance he might accept Jesus into his heart, there’s also that 50% that he won’t and our relationship would grow to become difficult. By the time I was ready to tell him about my feelings and concerns, I was already convinced that we weren’t going to work. So I told him everything and that was the first time we really opened up to each other. He said he wanted to work things out but I didn’t think it was fair to continue the relationship and risk hurting him even more later. So I broke it off and have felt devastated ever since. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I love him and miss him so much.

Chris Seiter

June 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm

Hi L.S…your focus should now being on your healing, recovery, and personal growth.

jordan

June 11, 2019 at 9:41 pm

Gf and I dated few years ago and recently reconnected. Everything was absolutely fireworks for a couple months. talks of the future, family etc. then she got cold out of nowhere. She was married for 7 ish years and been divorced for a few years, but on and off with him all since. Eventually said she couldn’t commit 100 to anyone as much as she tried. Trying the whole no contact cause there was something real there and all our friends saw it and even said it was totally different. Just scared? Thanks
Kate

June 11, 2019 at 7:16 pm

Hi Chris, I was with my ex for 5 years but 3 months ago he suddenly called it off and moved back to his hometown. He had been suffering from bad depression for 6 months and stopped work and things were up and down with us because of it but I was always very supportive and right until the end he told me he loved me though sometimes would be uncontactable for weeks at a time because of his depression, saying he wanted to be alone. We didn’t live together.
For the first month I sent a lot of texts and begged etc, all the things not to do and he barely replied. Then I bought your program which made a lot of sense and started No Contact, I just totally stopped all texts. After 2 1/2 weeks he phoned me and we had a long chat, just about what we were both up to, nothing heavy. And he invited me to visit him once he was set up in his new house, he is an hours plane ride away. I said to let me know when. A week later I didn’t hear from him and asked if I was still invited, he said yes he was just getting settled in. I started to worry so chased him a bit more and maybe put too much pressure on. Sending more texts and saying to let me know if he had changed his mind or had met someone. He replied eventually to say he would let me know when but wanted to be alone for a while.
That was 3 weeks ago and last week I got a text to say he needed to go his own way. I replied but have not gotten any answer. His depression is still there, should I go no contact again?
Sarah Klump

June 10, 2019 at 3:25 pm

My fiancé and I have been in a long distant relationship for 5 years. We were dating for three and engaged for two. He is in the military and was recently sent to a station where he is out on the boat for two months at a time. When he is gone, our only form of communication is email. He told me for the past 6 months how lonely it is and that he needs me there in the same city, even though he knows that’s not possible because I have children of my own and live in a different state. I caught him talking to another girl in the military and they have been “hanging” out filling that loneliness void. He says they are “just friends” but I don’t believe it. To top it all off he has yet to get a divorce from his first wife who he has been separated from for 7 years. He was suppose to be getting a divorce since we met. I told him I could no longer make time for him especially when he can’t even get this divorce I’ve been asking him to get. He says he needs to time to think and put his life in order and is going to get the divorce and make things right but all of those are just words to me. He’s perfect in every way, except he can’t get the divorce and makes every excuse not to. I know he doesn’t love her or want to be with her, but seems like a commitment thing which is really weird considering her proposed to me! I mean why ask me if you’re divorced isn’t finalized. What should I do? Ignore him? See if he really means what he says and takes action? I’m so confused! Thanks!

Chris Seiter

June 10, 2019 at 4:52 pm

Hi Sarah…I think you should hold to what you told him about making time for him for his failure to carry thru with settling things with is marital situation. Perhaps some space and time will help him put things in better perspective about what is important.

Dana

June 9, 2019 at 4:41 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I were dating for 6 years (living together for the last 3). We broke up a week ago. We didn’t fight and he’s been very attentive to me when I’ve needed anything from him during this transition process. I have been doing NC for 4 days now…I haven’t heard anything from him 🙁
The problem we have is…
He says he isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore even though he thinks I’m beautiful and that everything is great when we are intimate. Early on in our relationship he was unfaithful and I reacted very desperate and needy. I think that’s when the intimacy issue began and we’ve never really recovered fully.
Everything else about our relationship is amazing. We are intimate in other ways and he is my best friend. We do everything together and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.
He was recently planning to propose and got cold feet because he is scared that this issue might mess up our marriage someday and cause us to divorce. He says he needs space and that maybe losing me will make him feel like I’m the one. I’m moving into a new apartment this week and I’m terrified. Do you have any advice that could help turn this around?

Chris Seiter

June 9, 2019 at 12:24 pm

Hi Dana….sometimes giving each other some space is the right move and No Contact can be the right pathway. There are many elements in doing right and so feel free to explore my site or pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”

Wendy

June 8, 2019 at 8:27 pm

Is blocking him on fb a no contact strategy..

Chris Seiter

June 9, 2019 at 2:21 am

Not really Wendy…I am not a fan of blocking. No contact is about so many other things Check out my Program – EBR PRo – for more details

Patty

June 8, 2019 at 1:54 am

FOURTEEN years together (not married) and he started acting strange, pulling away emotionally and physically. I asked what was wrong, what did I do> why are you acting so strange and he responded with “nothing, we both know this has been going south for a long time.” I didn’t know any such thing, I love him so much, He won’t give me an answer to why he is tossing me aside like a piece of trash all of a sudden out of the blue. Everyone is in shock!! He told his sister he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Just walked away like I never existed in his life. Ripped my heart out. It’s only been a week and I sit on the couch shaking and just trying to understand, can’t eat, can’t sleep. ( we don’t live together) HELP ME 🙁

Chris Seiter

June 8, 2019 at 1:12 pm

Hi Patty….you are going to get thru this. Visit my website and read some of my posts and check out some of my Podcasts about personal recovery as that should be your focus now.

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263 thoughts on “What Your Ex Is Feeling During No Contact”