What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

wounded heart

September 6, 2015 at 1:01 pm

I got the its me not u line, however he’d a recovering Alcoholic his sobriety program is what broke us up.I was rejected in the bedroom, he spent all his time at AA no interest in hm responsibility etc. He dumped me after 6 years 2 years friends with benefits. I had to move out of state he drove/moved me cuz I wasn’t able to do the trip alone. We talk on ph very minimal, he offered to send.money to help me said he misses me after I asked but then told me “the decision made was for the best” I asked so u mean were never getting back together he said no he wants what the creator wants I.e., God. He said if say in 6 months or a year you come back & we get back together & live happily ever after that’s putting a time frame on it I said I didn’t ask for time frame he just reverts back to let the creator decide. I asked.is that what he wants to be back together he said yes. I’m confused. I get that maybe it is for the best to allow each to grow & become healthier for a relationship together but I’m having trust issues with if he really wants us back as a couple. Any insight would help Chris…hope to get a reply.
wounded heart

September 6, 2015 at 6:07 am

I got the its me not u line, however he’d a recovering Alcoholic his sobriety program is what broke us up.I was rejected in the bedroom, he spent all his time at AA no interest in hm responsibility etc. He dumped me after 6 years 2 years friends with benefits. I had to move out of state he drove/moved me cuz I wasn’t able to do the trip alone. We talk on ph very minimal, he offered to send.money to help me said he misses me after I asked but then told me “the decision made was for the best” I asked so u mean were never getting back together he said no he wants what the creator wants I.e., God. He said if say in 6 months or a year you come back & we get back together & live happily ever after that’s putting a time frame pn it I said I didn’t ask for time frame he just reverts back to let the creator decide. I asked.is that what he wants to be back together he said yes. I’m confused. I get that maybe it is for the best to allow each to grow & become healthier for a relationship together but I’m having trust issues with if he really wants us back as a couple. Any insight would help Chris…hope to get a reply.
Kaylee

September 2, 2015 at 12:34 am

I need some advice and I was really hoping you could help me.
A month or so back I have found out that the boyfriend is was living with we going to Craigslist to talk to girls, just talking dirty with them. A few times. I packed up some of my things and left for a couple days until I found that he bought a brand new box of condoms while I was gone, so then I packed up all my stuff. He was sad but acted like a douche bag about it. I did try to work it out with him but he said he didn’t want to. A couple weeks later I then found out that he had cheated on me months before we had broken up.
Here’s the plot twist…I got back together with him, now I’m self esteem is at a all time low, but I love this mad with all my heart. He sat there and told me he loved me so much and he can’t see himself with anyone else…weeks go by and now I’m here. See we had a argument about me talking down on myself and he got very mad at me, but I just kept going talking down on myself. Now I’m in this position where he won’t talk to me. I don’t know what to do! Does this mean we are broken up? I’m just so confused. Please help!
Regina Mills

August 31, 2015 at 5:29 pm

Hey me and this boy went out for 10 months and we split in july of 2015. I cried and begged and pleaded but he wouldn’t budge. I realise now that was the wrong response. also 2 weeks of splitting with me he started dating a young girl who i suspected of trying to date him while we were dating. his new girlfriend try to destroy relationships with my friends and its really got me down. many people say my ex still loves me so i suspect a rebound was in place. everyone says he still cares and loves me even though he says he doesn’t like me and ignores me complete. he unfriended me on Facebook as well. and his girlfriend has used boys before and i fear thats what she’s going to do to my ex. i would like some help and advice on
a) how to act around him
B) on what i said what do you think is going on
c) how i may get him back for definite or if its even possible

sincerely,
Regina Mills
Berry

August 23, 2015 at 6:51 pm

Hey!
This is a wired situation. I meet a guy 2 ½ month ago about 3 month. what happened is that i used to talk to this guy before around 2 years ago then i blocked him, i think i was scared . Well we matched on on app and we decided to meet. Our first date was kind of nice and different. What we always say you shouldn’t have sex at your first date well it happened and i dont know how. This guy travels a lot he works abroad so after he slept over at my place I asked him like a question witch was what are we like bf and gf or what… so he answered me yes we are bf and gf, well that surprised me cus it was really fast. Some how he told him self that maybe he could jump in to this relationship with out dating. We have had really good times together and I actually dont know how to act. well he said we are together so i was acting like normal, calling and texting and telling him im missing him and so. And then after a time i recognized something was missing, he is not giving me back any feeling what im giving him. ofc it hurts me but I really dont want to lose him, cus i do have strong feelings for him. Ween meet and talked and he told me that it went to fast and he cant do it like that anymore, so to fix this misunderstanding we need to go back to step A witch is start to date cus i was kind of no dating i thought of it like waste of time . What i need to know what does it mean? I mean he always told me he likes to be with me and many other nice stuff but we should have started as friends and then maybe more, but this misunderstanding what happened I dont know if its anything good or bad? Im just so sad cus im afraid of texting or calling, when he said he will ask me out again but when will that be? What does men mean with we should start over? Should i just leave him and think this is over or wait or what? Cus this is really painful i dont like to wait. Well he also said you have to be patient and give time…im really lost and i have no idea of what I should do.
Tanx
confused

August 22, 2015 at 6:48 pm

Hi Chris, I made a mistake and broke no contact and texted my ex(I WILL RESTART). When we were texting he mentioned us just “not being right for each other”. He has made many excuses to why he broke up with me and this is a new one and it really hurt me to hear that. We were in a relationship for a year and it was amazing and we loved each other very much. It was just that the last month we would argue too much, we hit a bump, and he broke up with me and was very sad about it at first, now he keeps pushing me away and telling me that we need time and then we can be friends in the future. What does he mean when he said “we weren’t right for each other”? Will no contact still help me even if he just wants to be friends? Please help!

Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Don’t focus on why he broke up with you, focus on what you can do to put it back together. Use no contact for sure. 🙂

JW

August 20, 2015 at 12:25 am

Hey Chris,

I dated a guy for 2 years and then he moved out while I was at work. I tried all of the get your ex back stuff and it almost worked but then I got insecure. It has been 2.5 months since the last breakup. We send each other daily messages, he sent me a care package, we talk on the phone for a couple of hours once a week. I just had an awkward conversation with him about us getting back together and he said he doesn’t see it ever happening. He said he has looked at this logically and taken all of the emotion out of it and the logical decision is that we aren’t meant to be. He just hung up on me because I “ask too many questions”. Over the last year he has been going through a sort of identity crisis… ended our relationship, quit his job, bought a sports car, obsessed with the gym, dyed his hair…. is there anything I can do or is this situation hopeless… I would say midlife crisis but he is only 27… he moved out twice while I was away!~

Chris Seiter

September 12, 2015 at 1:04 am

Be more specific for me about his identity crisis?

Speak more to that. What did he say exactly?

Martha

August 17, 2015 at 11:09 pm

My ex-boyfriend said that he wants me to be happy even if it’s not with him after I told him I was dating someone. Of course this was after he asked me to come over to his house so we could hook up, out of the blue. What does that mean? Does he really want me to be happy with someone else?

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 2:42 pm

He’s just mad he’s not getting his way. I doubt he wants you to be happy with someone else.

Alexa

August 12, 2015 at 3:25 pm

What does it mean when your ex tells you “I just can’t do this right now, I do not feel it is right, right now.” We still talk every single day like we are best friends but whenever I bring up the relationship I stress him out. We were dating for 2 years and so far we have been broken up for 2 weeks.

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:40 pm

It means that you need to go into no contact. He is to comfortable with you and thinks you will always be there waiting around for him. When you talk to him again, don’t bring up being in a relationship etc.

emily

August 12, 2015 at 7:42 am

dear chis,

i broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago, first i accept he`s decision we should`t be together anymore becouse he said i have no enough time for him , but we always spend time together when he have day off,i try to not contact him , but can help it, i miss him so much and want him back, i text him i miss him and soon he said he miss me too,and we talk a lot and make me smile ,like always he did. and he still have our picture on his time line, what i want to ask to you , do you think he still love me ?and do you think he gonna back to me if i ask him back?please help me .
S.J.

August 4, 2015 at 3:53 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me last week. We were in a long distance relationship for 18 months of the two years and we had previously dated for a year and broken up for 7 months prior to starting a new relationship (this current one that he just ended). I am currently finishing school and was planning on looking for jobs near him (east coast) and near my family (west coast). He loves his job now and I would have been willing to move out there given the opportunity. However, he recently had become steadfast in being unwilling to leave the east coast for me, if that situation arose. That was the basis for the argument that resulted in our breakup. He said that there were too many maybe’s and what if’s and if the circumstances were different we might have worked. I haven’t talked to him/heard from him in a week and am doing the NC period. Many of my friends and family seem to think that he broke up with me because he is interested in pursuing someone else. Given that we got back together before (at that time he still lived in the same city) and give the current situation (long distance, possible other woman), do you think I have a chance? I truely believe he is it for me, and I want to be standing next to him in 30 years…but everyone seems to think there is no chance of reconciliation this time.

Thank you for your honesty and for the hope your provide
Lily

August 4, 2015 at 4:41 am

Chris, I get what you are saying. However, I don’t know if my situation is extreme. We fought so much, and he said “Right now I’m crying inside cuz I know we will never be together.” “We are over. It’s done.” “We won’t work out.” “Don’t wait for me, I’m not waiting for you either. We deserve better people.” All things like that. When he broke up with me he still loved me, I believe he still does since we broke up like 11 days ago. Did he mean what he said?

Chris Seiter

August 6, 2015 at 10:22 pm

Did you ever go a week without fighting?

T

July 26, 2015 at 3:05 pm

July 3 i got in a really bad confrontation with a guy I have been seeing for a while now. I left him a note while he was at work and caught him in a lie as I was leaving the note. He was beyond angry, he told me never to contact him again, don’t call,txt email or come to his work and to act like I don’t know him. He said he was deleting my number and have a nice life. The last few months he had been ghost my txt messages but we still saw each other. I saw him the week of the incident and received a txt from him 20mins before it happened. I didn’t want to take my mind there until I caught him in a lie. I sent him one last txt the same day, I have not contacted him since that day ( July 3rd) . I found ex boyfriend recovery a week later and started to get the Sarah vs Kia emails. I have since purchased the twice as attractive guide ( the UG GIRL) and have really been soaking in the readings as much as possible. I have had no contact with him since the day after the incident so I have continued the no contact rule per lesson #10 (July 16th) . I am looking to purchase the ex boyfriend recovery full guide. I believe his reaction was the result of him being caught in a lie. I determined that this is a general/cheating break up and that he is EXTREMELY STUBBORN and ANGRY. I could go on for days about the relationship and his constant HOT AND COLD NATURE, but I want to know What is the likely hood I will recover this relationship? I have been doing a lot of self reflection lately. I do love him more than anything. FYI I don’t think I could have remained sane if I had not come a crossed your site. SERIOUSLY thank you for this info.
Sophie

July 15, 2015 at 6:43 pm

The Megan Fox analysis in the not you it’s me section is insulting. I bet Megan’s had her heart broken and been left wondering, as have many beautiful women. Its not all about looks and not being a great person but there are a lot of people with commitment phobia out there. Prince Will dumped Kate once, he got scared but came back.

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:13 pm

Thanks for your comment Sophie!

Sorry if you felt insulted.

I bet she had her heart broken too but what I am getting at is that “its not you, it’s me.” Is rarely ever the case. I couldn’t think of a great way to put it.

Again, I am really sorry if you felt insulted.

Jaclyn

July 13, 2015 at 11:52 pm

Okay I believe I have read everything here on your site but nothing is comparing to my situation. Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years. He has been married and divorced with three children. He also doesn’t have the best health. So we have been struggling financially. And six months ago we moved in with my parents. And at my parents house it has been nothing but hell. We all argue constantly. There was an huge argument that happened involving his children and my mom. He left. He didn’t say it was over between us but I could tell something was really off and he wouldn’t communicate. So after a week when his kids went back to their mom’s house he came back. He was very loving and affectionate all week long until Sunday the day before the kids were due to be with us. Sunday he didn’t talk much and he slept most of the day. I thought it could have been him not feeling well. Later that night I asked him about the kids and what was supposed to happen and he freaked out on me. I told him I was only asking a question and he told me I was nagging him and being crazy. We just drop it at that. He kissed me told me he loves me and spooned until we fell asleep like usual. Monday I wake up to a letter and he was gone. I freaked out. I didn’t understand what was going on. I finally got him to answer( I know I know never heard of the NC rule.) He told me he just can’t keep living like this and he could possibly lose his children. He goes on to say that he will never be anything he is worthless and that maybe we would all be better off without him. Maybe the thing in his childhood is keeping him from being able to happy. He hung up and I haven’t heard from him since. I still have all his things. I know he truly loves me and I truly love him and his kids. I just don’t understand why he isn’t try to talk about it.
Dory

July 9, 2015 at 4:41 pm

Hello Chris, I have been an avid reader for years. My ex & I just broke up a week ago. Everything seemed perfect. He was saying how much he loved me & how he had never felt such a connection to someone before & how he could never lose me. Literally that night I love you, please don’t leave please don’t leave, I’m not leaving, I’m with you bc I think you’re amazing, and that afternoon idk what I want, I don’t think we should be together anymore. It completely shocked me. We didn’t talk for a week and during that time he had still been looking at my Snapchat stories, but then he posts some random girl from an hr away as his WCW on Instagram. Never have met this girl (to my knowledge) and she clearly one to take pictures to get attention. She’s never even ‘liked’ anything on his social media. I tell him I want my stuff back bc I assumed he’s moved on & he agrees, but hasn’t done so yet. I asked why we broke up & he claims he didn’t think we were supposed to be anymore & he “fell out of love”, but we had just gotten back from the beach together a few days before the break up & during the trip he was doing a LOT to show how much he loved me. Telling me every second & just very clingy. He’s broken up w me before for 6hrs & said then that he again didn’t know what he wanted, wanted space to do guy things, etc. My friends say he’s probably scared of commitment especially since he’s apparently the one in his past relationships always getting left & heartbroken. So why me? Everything was fine, no fighting besides a typical bicker every now & then, then literally overnight he changed his mind. Is it possible he just needs space to figure out what he wants or maybe he is in love with me and it scares him? Idk. I would LOVE some advice. Thank you!!!!
Bree

June 30, 2015 at 12:32 pm

I think I have a unique and bizarre situation. I met my ex ages ago, we were both married, We started chatting on messenger and found we had a lot in common (unhappy marriages to say the least) and found solace in each other. We kissed once, I separated from my husband soon after ( was my plan anyway, but this gave me a nudge) My ex and I started seeing each other often and he was still married anyway, our affair went on a few months. I was sort of friends with his wife too and we all hung out sometimes, which is the weird part, I felt bad about that too. We fell in love he and I. Anyway I messed things up eventually by telling his wife about us after she saw messages between the two of us one night she and I were hanging out. She threw him out, he is currently now back in his house (spare room) he I upset with me and I have not seen him in over two weeks now. Though we still message and call each other, sometimes he says he needs time and space, sometimes he says leave him alone, other times he says we will see, wait and see what happens… he says he doesn’t think we will get back together… I love him, I know he loves me. He doesn’t want to be with her, he said if he goes back to her, his life is over. I feel so confused as to whether he wants me back ever or not? I am not sure if the NC rule would work here or not? Please email me back and help me… I am desperately sad here…. Why wont he see me?? He told me a couple days ago, if he saw me he knows he couldn’t trust himself. Please Chris, tell me what you think I should do. Would he miss me enough to have the courage to be with me if I did NC?
Natalie

June 25, 2015 at 5:30 pm

Hi, how are you?

I’m in a very difficult situation and want to resolve it…
I met this AMAZING guy online I’m Australian and he’s Canadian. We have never met in person…
Within the 1st 3 days he told me he loved me and sent me a whole lot of gifts…
1 month later he tells me his got pneumonia and lung cancer, in the meantime was sending over gifts for some stupid reason I went into the same chat room I met him and picked up 1 of his mates he found out, told me he wanted to be friends because he cared… 2days ago I called him and we had a talk, says we’re never getting back together again and that he doesn’t trust women and he’s dating women… I thought the call went well told him to add me as a friend again, instead took my daughter off his list… I don’t know what to do but part of me is telling me to meet him face to face… but would need to leave Australia to go to Canada, however he wouldn’t be m only reason for going there, it’s my dream holiday… Advice please, we haven’t been together for 5mths now but do hear from him occasionally and says we’re friends then why not add me back… I’m suffering and heart broken, I really want him back… When asked what he did with my gifts he said, he has his kangaroo on his office desk, still wears the clothes i gave him and uses the other stuff and his engraved bracelet on his drawers i need to know what to do, any advice please?
JESUSJEHOVAH7

June 22, 2015 at 5:53 am

VERY COOL!!! YOUR ALSOME CHRIS…

Chris Seiter

June 29, 2015 at 6:38 pm

Thanks…

Ellie

June 13, 2015 at 12:48 am

I think I’m in the “it’s not you it’s me boat” (I got the old “I just want to be alone, but you’re amazing” line). I have gone straight to NC, I have even unfriended on Facebook. Now I’m wondering if that was a good idea or not. I don’t have much hope for turning this around but I’m going to try…. Was unfriending a mistake? I’m afraid he’ll just disappear…

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909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”