What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends- Get Out Of The Friend Zone

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

Jess

July 11, 2016 at 2:31 pm

My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me saying he was nervous we treated each other more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. However, even that week before we broke up, we were pretty intimate. We never showed a lot of affection around our friends and were hanging out with them all more, so maybe that’s what he was feeling. The timing for no contact could not happen immediately after the breakup due to our friend group being the same. After weeks of him flirting with me and my friends noticing, we finally weren’t around each other since the school year ended. I did no contact where he did not try to reach out. I texted him using tidal theory and he was engaging and sometimes flirty. We had a hangout with all of our friends and he continues to show that he cares, but only when other people aren’t around. He is very comfortable around me when we hang out, but I definitely feel friend zoned. He isn’t ignoring me, but he doesn’t seem to be thinking he is missing something. Is it really possible for a guy to shut off feelings for someone and be okay with just a friendship? The strategies mentioned in this article refer to right after the breakup, but I still feel friend-zoned after implementing multiple strategies. Is it too late in the process to recover from this? Do you think I should do no contact again? Could I tell him that I don’t want to be friends thinking that maybe he will realize he can’t have me how he wants?

Jess

July 13, 2016 at 9:46 pm

I really appreciate your response, Amor. How do you suggest approaching texting if he is not the one to initiate the conversation? If it’s always me, regardless of how often, isn’t that just reaffirming that I’m ‘chasing’ him? If that’s the case, that’s how I feel I am stuck in the friend zone.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 6:04 pm

it depends more on the topic you use, when and how you end the convo, how the convo went and if you’re continually living actively..

because if it’s always either neutral or negative and you keep texting, then it does look like you’re friendzoned or chasing

and you have to end the text in cliffhanger style for him to want to text you

if he’s not missing you, then he seems to think that you’ll always be there and available
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 12, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi jess,

no, don’t say that..continue the activities you started in nc..don’t always be available and then date others

MB

June 27, 2016 at 10:06 am

hi Amor,
so i have been dating my ex for the past five months now, we fight over silly things but end up together ! he has hurt me a lot in the past . but i still love him loads and want him back. its kind of an on and off thing. Everytime he gets angry with me or after a fight he doesn’t talk to me for two three days. over the past month we have been fighting a lot over very silly things like food . He thinks i don’t understand him because of these silly fights . These fights are driving me crazy but i love him . He said we should be friends as this is not working out and he feels that it isn’t going to work out any other way . Its been 4 days since the NC rule. I don’t know what to do, please help me! i cannot just be friends with him! i want him back

MB

June 29, 2016 at 11:11 am

hey, yes i am improving myself. and i have been in the NC for 6 days now. he is out of town and i don’t know if he will contact me when he is back .
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 5:23 am

HI MB,

are you actively improving yourself now?

Shay

June 26, 2016 at 10:03 pm

If I use the Evil Genius Way, the next time I write him, should I give him some kind of apology, or tell him I forgot or just not saying anything is better and start a whole new conversation?? And if I use the Nice Way and I say I’m going to meet “Jimmy” for example to make him become jelous, is it a good idea? Or is it better trying not to make him be jelous?

Shay

July 5, 2016 at 12:59 pm

Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 6:39 am

Hi Shau,

ok,.let’s just say that will be uoir last text indicate that you would not be replying for a while and then continue in being active in improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 2:00 pm

start a conversation first.. and if you don’t have enough rapport dont tell him about your date with Jimmy in that way.. that would push him away

Aaliyah

June 25, 2016 at 2:53 am

My ex boyfriend and I dated for one month. He broke up with me 12 hours ago. I miss him like crazy. He broke up with me because he thought that our relationship was far too closed off and awkward, which made it unhealthy. He wants to be friends with me. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to win him back, but I remembered that I was also considering of breaking up with him. He was being quite cold on text, and we went through that phase where we had no idea what to say to eachother. Everything about him enchants me, like his smile and his hugs. I care about him so much, and I’ll do anything to change to make our relationship work. I just want to be loved and for him to fill the emptiness inside of me. It’s just that I get extremely nervous around him, which causes me to be unable to say what I want in front of him. I don’t even know if he loves me or still holds any feelings for me. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be. I’m so afraid to move on, I’m scared that I won’t find a guy better than him. He had flaws and apparently flirted with a lot of girls. In spite of that, I ignored it, after all, he might just be a naturally flirty person. There were a lot of issues in our relationship, but I still want him. Am I just going through a phase of insanity? I need help, because I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. Some advice would be highly appreciated. Thanks.
ninna

June 17, 2016 at 2:02 pm

HI, my boyfriend and i have been dating from the past 3 yrs. Yes, we have had on and offs many times. This time he was back to me after four months in which he met me quite a few times and he was the only one approached last time. We had our time for few weeks enjoyed and loved each other the most. Now… past a few days we have fighting for silly reasons but i used to let things go and patch up again. But now he says he has got frustrated with these fights. And he doesn’t want to break up but be friends… i asked him if he wants to leave me and go to some one else. He said he cannot love anyone except me and he wants to be in contact with me cause he cannot live without seeing me and talking to me. He said he cannot love anyone else and most important he doesn’t want anyone right now not even me. He wants some distance for now. He said i can go to any other guy i want but he wont go to any one cause he doesn’t want to give my position to anyone and no one can ever take it. He just want some distance and space. He also said he will contact me everyday and he will get jealous if he comes to know about any other guy….HE WANTS TO BE JUST FRIENDS FOR NOW and i asked him about the future he said he cant predict future but yes he wants to have a future with me. He is just not sure about coming up in life with his career. He has many responsibilities and financial crisis. But yes he is enjoying his life with his friends he has gone for 7 trips in this vacation he says spending time with friends helps him to calm down and think about all the problems he is facing and i am sure he loves me lotss and there is no other girl in his life nor can any other girl come. I trust his love but i dont know after a point of time we start facing problems in our relation. and now he doesn’t want a relationship at all. cause he is tired of fights.and he doesn’t want a relationship tag. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME OUT!

ninna

June 19, 2016 at 6:01 am

yesterday i met him… yes i showed him my anger got pissed at him cause he was behaving like this to me. I would want to tell you all that he has told me….. HE WANTS US TO BE JUST FRIENDS, HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME, HE DOESNT WANT ME AS HIS GIRLFRIEND, HE SAID THIS WAS A 1 SIDED RELATIONSHIP, HE CAME BACK LAST TIME CAUSE HE WANTED TO GIVE OUR RELATION A CHANCE BUT NOW HE FEELS HE STRETCHED THE RELATION, ACCORDING TO HIM HE OUR RELATION WAS ENDED LONG BACK HE WAS JUST STRETCHING IT, like everytime even this time he has said he isnt coming back to me….he says LAST TIME HE CAME BACK CAUSE HE COULDNT SEE ME SAD where the reality was he could see i am happy without him and so he texted me that he miss me. Yesterday he gave me an option of becoming friends or ending everything. WHILE LEAVING FROM HIS HOUSE HE HUGGED ME TIGHT. HE SAID I LOVE YOU. HE SMOOCHED ME. ASKED ME NOT TO CRY. HE SAID I AM THE ONLY ONE SO IMPORTANT TO HIM AFTER HIS MOM, HE SAID HE MIGHT COME BACK IN THE FUTURE TO ASK FOR HAND TO MY FATHER . HE SAID HE WILL TRY NOT TO LOVE ME , NOT TO GET JEALOUS IF HE COMES TO KNOW IF I AM CLOSE TO SOME ONE ELSE. and i know him well he cant stand me getting close to anyone else he is super possessive about me. he hates all my guy friends. Initally i accpeted on being just friends cause i thought i could get him back but later i felt i was doing wrong cause eventually i knew he was going to make me jealous by uploading pictures with girls which he did yesterday night and i knew it was going to hurt which did. So i texted him for the last time saying this “SORRY FRIENDSHIP IS NOT A GOOD IDEA I FEEL, I LOVE YOU MUCH MORE THAN THAT, AND THERE IS NO WHERE I CAN PRETEND NOT TO HAVE THOSE FEELINGS FOR YOU. IF I CANT BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND I CANT BE YOUR BUDDY.” and i have deleted his number and removed him from other social networking sites. I did this cause i didnt want to hurt my heart …i know him he would do everything just to make me jealous and yes i at some level i have to think about my self respect and my self. AND YES I HAVE STARTED THE NC but i want to know if what i have done is right and what all can be done to make him beg and come back to me and the most important question will he miss me during NC and are my chances good to have him back again!!!! PLEASE HELP ME I WANT HIM BACK
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 21, 2016 at 3:29 pm

He will miss you because he’s possessive. The question is, you have to be strong enough, to know if his actions are just to get you back because he’s possessive or if he really loves you.. And because it has been and on and off relationship. I think it’s safer that you take your time.. don’t rush it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hi Ninna,

do you want to try nc?

B

June 14, 2016 at 2:52 pm

Just need some advice. To cut a really long story short, me and my bf were really good friends for about 5 years. He fancied me on and off throughout. He told our friends I was always “the one” but I never saw him that way. I was the “ungettable girl”. I had him friendzoned. We spent some time apart with uni and other relationships then one day I saw him in a different light and we clicked. We went out very happily for 3 years, but during the final year I had a lot of anxiety issues which led to communication and intimacy issues which I didn’t come to terms with until it was too late and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. So I begged and pleaded and did everything I shouldn’t have done because I knew the reasons we broke up could be overcome. Obviously this pushed him away further and we finalised our break up. I know he cares about me a lot and he said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend but he said he couldn’t be any more than a friend for me and he didn’t see a future with me. So I agreed to be friends with him because I was so scared of losing him completely. He’s been my best friend for 8 years now. I started NC and a few days in he messaged asking how I was. I ignored it but decided a few days later to say that the friendship wasn’t going to work because he knew I cared about him more than a friend so asking a friendship of me wasn’t fair. I did it for myself because although it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done I know I can’t ever be just a friend. I’m going to continue the NC which has been a week or two since the breakup, I know he’s really stressed out and busy atm and I don’t know if he’ll contact me because I said I needed some time. I know he wants me in his life but I guess my question is, when we get to the meeting, how do I prevent getting friend zoned? I know I need to break the touch barrier but I’m not sure if this will be enough as he’s very stubborn in his decisions. Any advice would be much appreciated

B

June 17, 2016 at 5:28 pm

I meant meet him after NC. How do I avoid being seen as just a friend when I see him in person after the NC period has ended?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2016 at 10:15 pm

it’s a process.. do the push pull theory.. check this post out:
The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend
you have to attract every time you meet by looking your best, being fun and not begging him to come back to you and then what you do after the meet also matters.. don’t be available always..
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 5:07 pm

HI B,

actually greeting him is not allowed because you’re supposed to be trying to move on and I think he knows that too.. So, he’ll understand plus that adds to the chances of him missing you.. If he gets angry, you can apologize one time after nc and just say sorry for how you made him feel but you hope he had a good day that day..

And then text him again after maybe 5 days..

M M

June 6, 2016 at 11:55 pm

My ex and I began dating when I was in paramedic school and he was the partner of one of my preceptors. I knew him for almost 2 years on that professional level and then one day we hit it off so well on our shift that we started talking afterwards and eventually met for drinks, had an amazing time and he kept asking me out. I told him from the beginning that I was very afraid of sharif my feelings and I hated having them. They complicate things and make you miserable when the other person breaks your heart. I was his first real girlfriend in almost a year after he broke up with his fiancé because she cheated and they fought all the time and she was so vindictive. We had a great relationship despite the feelings issue on my part. He kept bugging me and I would get annoyed when he did because I didn’t want to talk about them. I tried opening up more but he wanted more and we were progressing very quickly. He’s the first person I’ve felt this way about in years and I told him that. And he said I had changed his mind about never wanting to be in a relationship again after his ex. We had a fight over the feelings and resolved it but then a couple days later we had another fight about me not opening up about what I want (he was on shift as a fire fighter and wanted to sext and I didn’t). The next day he was supposed to come spend the night at my place for the first time but he got held over at work so I went out with another guy friend and two other couples and it made him jealous the way I said it. I didn’t mean to but I understand why he thinks I did and subconsciously I probably did do it on purpose. He broke up with me over text because he was working and said he’d like to talk to me about this in person. I said I’d like that and waited 4 days before telling him I missed him because he hadn’t contacted me and that I wanted to talk about things and that I was sorry. Over the next week we tried to meet up but our schedules didn’t work and he’s over an hour away. I went crazy one night calling and texting and he blocked me and I didn’t know it. I had done NC for another 4 days without realizing it before showing up at his work after he got off shift. His partner came outside to talk to me and wait with me. He played dumb about us breaking up and I found out that he’d blocked me. He eventually came out because he didn’t think I was still there and we talked in his truck for over 3 hours. He told me that when I made him jealous with the other guy that it flipped a switch and that he doesn’t want to have feelings for me anymore and is mad that now I want to talk about mine. He said that right now he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. We had a really good talk though during this and it felt like nothing changed until we came back to the part about me wanting to get back together. During this time he decided to change careers and may be moving depending on the job offers and that right now he definitely doesn’t want a relationship because of that either. He said after summer and he’s had time to figure things out and what he wants in life that it may be a possibility but there’s no chance of that now. We love each other and had said so and he said he knew I loved him and he didn’t want to hurt me. We agreed to meet on September 1st where we had our first date to talk about things and make a final decision (his suggestion not mine). I tried to push for a closer time to meet but he didn’t want to. Right now he wants nothing to do with feelings or dating and he feels like I did something his ex fiancé would have. We were planning a future together and had made travel plans. I was going to tell him I wanted to move closer to him at the end of the summer and his response when I told him today was that if we were together I would just move in with him because why go somewhere to see me when he could just come home. I’m so confused. He wouldn’t say that he still loves me in any of thing just that he feels “something” but right now doesn’t want to. I wish I’d have left the conversation on more of a high point but I honestly think that we were so used to being single for so long before this that he’ll decide that’s just what he wants to do permanently. We have very similar personalities. I told him today too that I would agree to this if he agreed to keep talking to me (I agreed to just talk to him as a friend not a girlfriend) and that he would try to work through this. We both had a crappy past relationship history but we were both on the same page from day one that we were “the one” for each other. His feelings took such a 180 after I made him jealous that I don’t think they’ll come back. His solution is that if something sparks by September then we’ll pursue it but if not then it’s over for good. He has his summer packed full of plans now though. He flat out told me that he already has plans that barely include sleep from the sound of it (and I had already started mentally doing the same thing. It’s just how we are) and I don’t think he’ll want to make room for me. I plan on doing the no contact for 21 days and then seeing if he’ll go see a movie we’ve both been waiting on to come out. Before I start it though I’m not sure if I should text him to let him know I think he’s right (because I do) that we both need time to evaluate our lives because I don’t think I made that clear today. I want him to understand that I respect his decision but that I have no plans of forgetting that I love him. I am going to text him that and then leave it at that and start my no contact. My gut is telling me that is marry him right now after all of this but my head is saying that I need to move on for my own good.
Ave

June 2, 2016 at 10:48 pm

My boyfriend and I dated for 15 months. We broke up about 3 weeks ago after a long and tear-filled break up. we were each other’s first long term relationship. He told me he’s depressed with work and is worried he’s holding me back. He said he’d been having “doubts” for the last 2 months but couldn’t name them specifically. He insisted we be friends and said that this was the best 15 months of his life and that he still loves me with all his heart.

He kept saying he wasn’t sure this was the right decision and seemed confused throughout the whole break up.

Some two hours after the breakup he was messaging me like nothing had changed. Every few days he’d send me a nice text. We have a mutual group of friends that meets once a week and he insisted I show up. I went and acted like nothing was wrong. Fast forward to 2 weeks after the breakup. I realized my depression caused us to lose connection and intimacy. So, I apologized and told him that I’m getting better and am now on anti-depressants.

He said he noticed I was much happier and that’s what he likes to see. I blurted out I still loved him and wanted to get back together. He said he still loved me too and that we would discuss getting back together. When I asked about the doubts he said they hadn’t gotten better or worse.

Cut to a week of no contact between us. We hang out with our mutual friends again and he seems really upbeat. One friend asked if he wanted to sit by his “girlfriend” aka me and he awkwardly laughed and said, “Well uh we broke up” then left early.

I iniated* no contact immediately after that and purchased Chris’s eBook. I’m only about a week in. I’m mad at myself for suggesting we get back together. I should have just let him continue on with the friends thing. At least then he had his guard down and was messaging me every few days. I’m not sure what to do. All our friends and family are equally as confused.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 8:50 am

Hi Ave,

you need to show him that you really changed, that the change is not just for him to get back with you.. and when he sees that, it might get him worried too because he sees you’re moving on and yet you’re improving. So, it’s like he’s about to lose something good that he used to have.

Haylee Thomas

June 2, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Also today is his birthday should I text him? I was going to stop by to see the dog again (in hopes that we’d talk again honestly..) he said that was okay.. Is that a bad idea?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 8:02 am

Hi Haylee,

sorry for the late repy.. but also because of that, you get to do what you proposed right? You kept seeing him, so how are you now?

Haylee Thomas

June 2, 2016 at 5:02 pm

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost three years now and just about 5 days ago he broke up with me out of the blue he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and wanted to break up. I asked him if there is any other reasons and he said no at first but eventually admitted that I’m not very supportive of him and that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. Which I understand and apologized for.

The first night after we broke up he stayed at my house because I asked him to and we watched a movie together in my bed and I layed on his shoulder (but when the movie ended he slept on the floor) but then in the morning he crawled in bed we didn’t cuddle or anything though. Then a couple days later I went and brought him back all of the stuff he has ever gotten me and he teared up a little and said it was really sad so I asked him if he regretted breaking up with me and he said he didn’t know. Then just last night I went to his house after work at like 10:30 to take our dog on a walk (we have a dog together) but when I got there we talked for almost an hour and a half and we laughed and had fun and it almost seemed like old times but when I asked again if he wanted to get back together he said he’s only considering it because I asked him to. So I finally left to take the dog on his walk but when I was back at his house I cried for a while outside the house and he called to see if I was okay and wanted me to come back inside. It’s Thursday and we have agreed to meet up next Tuesday to talk again.

He said he just wants to be friends because he likes me still but just does’t want a relationship anymore. But to me it seems like he still loves me and wants more. This is the second big break up we’ve had the other one was almost exactly a year ago but we got back together about a week after and have been good ever since until now. The first time he gave almost the same reasons at first (he didn’t love me, needed space, etc.) but then gave bigger reasons that we actually fixed and became stronger for it. Which I believe we can do again. This time feels almost the same as last time which is why I think we really have a chance. We’ve always talked about marriage and kids after college so I don’t feel like this relationship is worth just throwing in the trash.. I think we just have some issues to work through and we can fix this but he disagrees and says he can maybe see us together in the future but not right now. which let me remind you he said that last time and then we got back together less than a week later.. I know you guys really stress the no contact rule here but I didn’t use that last time and we still got back together almost immediately. I think for him it works best if he sees me, that’s when he starts to get emotional and miss old times. So just humor me here, if you were going to do something BESIDES the no contact rule what would you do?
Jay

May 30, 2016 at 4:55 pm

Hi, me and my ex broke up two weeks ago (his decision) and I currently think about him all the time but I am no longer upset by his decision. He told me he still wanted to be friends with me as we were friends for seven years before we got together and doesn’t want to cut me out of his life but doesn’t want the pressure of the relationship. I’m hoping that there is still a chance that we could get back together. I have blocked him off facebook (as it was hard to his face pop up) and I am currently doing NC. As we lived together it has been hard to not speak at all as we had the house to sort out. Other than stuff related to the house, we haven’t really spoken. He knows that I’m not speaking to I’m to help me try to get over him (he doesn’t know that I hope for us to get back together). I ave informed him that I will re-add him on facebook when the time is right. How long do you think I should keep the NC going and when to re-add him back into my life to maybe get that spark back?

Jay

June 1, 2016 at 12:23 pm

Thank you amor! Will I need to restart NC if we have to speak about the house? Other than about the house, I haven’t spoken to or seen him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 12:46 pm

nope, just be sure that you don’t talk about feelings and the relationship
Jay

May 31, 2016 at 6:23 pm

We were together for just over a year. He says he doesn’t want the pressure of being in a relationship but still wants to sleep with him and be in his life.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 12:43 am

You have to feel less emotional towards him first and you have to improve yourself physically and socially. That’s the purpose of no contact. You have to unblock him during nc so that he has a chance to see your posts but I think you should re add him after it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 5:26 pm

HI jay,

How long were you together and why did you break up?

Thelma

May 29, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Hi, i am in need of advice and i really do not know what to do.
This guy approached me after our math class and started talking to me which was strange, we exchanged numbers and he asked me out so i was like free food i think i’ll go and just have fun since i haven’t been in a relationship for a year and a half. I found out that he had just left a relationship two months before. We started getting to know each other , and this was around the end of spring semester. S o asked him about where he sees us going and he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship and that he doesn’t want me to feel like a rebound that he just wants to be friends . I was kind of pissed cause i felt like he should have just left me alone if he knew he wasn’t ready for anything. We both decided that we would not make any major decisions that we’d see how things went. Even though he said we are friends we were not acting like friends , if felt more like we were in a relationship of some sort. I ended up sleeping with him for the first time, and even after that everything felt normal it wasnt weird. Things did not start to change until i told him about some things he had said when he was drunk. Then i noticed texts were forced and i just didn’t want anyone feeilng like they had to force themselves to text me.
I ended up sending him a text that i had sent one of my friends , and he explained himself by saying that he’s been busy but he also doesn’t want to give me the wrong idea and all this stuff. To cut the long story short he said that he knew this was going to happen but he didn’t do anything to stop it just cause he never wanted us to be on bad terms.
I ended up meeting up with him, and i told him that i couldn’t do this anymore because i really like him, and the things we do i don’t usually do with my friends, and i asked him what he wanted, and he said he just wants to be friends. For someone who usually is not afraid to text right after something happens it’s been a week and i have not heard a word from him.
I really like this guy but i just don not know what to do and i am not trying to force him into anything. I honestly thought that he did care about me , and i know everyone says he is probably giving me space , but like how much space do you give someone, everyone is saying he is scared of commitment or whatever but i’m not asking to be his girlfriend, i just want to know that i do matter and if i am just supposed to wait this out or let it go

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 10:58 am

Hi Thelma,

start your own nc and then decidr after it if you still want to talk to him

L

May 26, 2016 at 11:23 am

Before dating, my ex and I were best friends. We were together for a half year; 2 weeks ago, he said he wanted us to be friends. He explained that he was tired because I was selfish, mad at him unreasonably,like a baby and he found out that he was much more happier when we were friends. He told me that he didn’t think we could never get back together, but now he’s still so nice to me. He still contacts me on Facebook, talks to me whenever he’s bored or unhappy, wears the necklace I bought, forbids me to delete photos of me in his phone and he promised that he would always stand by me when I need. His profile picture on Facebook is picture of me, and he hasn’t changed it. He tried to hold my hands right after the day we broke up and admitted that he missed me too twice. But when I apologized for my mistakes and asked him to be back, he always denied. I don’t know what he want, what he think, He’s very sensitive. I’m so confused, what should I do.

L

May 30, 2016 at 2:16 pm

I’m afraid that if i drop contact completely, even when he really need someone to talk, i will lose him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 4:33 pm

that would be selfish of him not to let you heal. Because honestly, he already friendzoned you..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2016 at 1:54 pm

Hi L,

start the no contact now, because it looks like you’re being friendzoned. Tell him, you’re not ready to be friends yet, and you need time to heal and then proceed to no contact.

EZ

May 23, 2016 at 10:44 am

Hi, so me and this guy we are now 20 and had been together for 2 years. We were basically madly and deeply inlove (as you do when you’re 18) and I had met his family, he had spoken to my dad about me etc. For us we always spoke about marriage and it was something we were looking to pursue until more recently when we spoke about how we wouldn’t marry right now and would try grow up a bit. He cared a lot about me and I did too. We had problems and lots of mini fights and we had ended before but got back together as I mentioned to him as I had admitted I had slight crush on someone older. This was last December. We got back together, he was really hurt but I told him out of honesty since I’m always really honest with him. We had been drifting apart these past couple of months but we still spoke and told each other we missed each other. About 3 weeks ago he asked to meet but for some reason I had said no and asked to meet myself after a few days later and so he was like ‘why now, you didn’t when I asked’.

Okay so then that week he said to me he wanted to be alone and didn’t want this anymore even though when I said he ended it in his heart and that he didn’t want me, he said to me that’s not the case. Then a couple of days later I found out he had been speaking to a girl at work who had been going through the same thing and she mentioned she liked him so he decided to go out and ‘talk about them both’. His reply to her was that ‘she was alright’ apparently. So then I was heartbroken obviously as we have been on and off before but we don’t go to other people. I met up with him after a lot of begging (sigh) and he told me to my face ‘I don’t want you anymore’ and that he doesn’t love me and I made him feel shit. He was really angry but also kindof laughing at times and allowed me to tickle him? I was upset but for him he said he didn’t believe I wanted him and I was lying and ‘why now’.

He stopped replying for 2 weeks and I went mad (still keep texting him trying to save this), yesterday he said it can’t be fixed and that it’s over but I don’t believe a little distance can do this to two people who were madly in love. I knew he was inlove with me and he spoke about me to a lot of people. He doesn’t seem angry anymore he just says it’s done and that he had over a month to get over this and a lot of the time he doesn’t reply. We used to Skype call each other and he hasn’t deleted me off that yet even though I’ve called him a few times and he doesn’t pick up. He also told me ‘he doesn’t want to feel that anymore’ because I guess I hurt him a lot, he accepted my apology and said he doesn’t hold anything against me and just to pray. He apologised to me also for hurting me and I don’t know if he is with this girl now ( he told his friend he is) but I miss him dearly and want him back because we were so extremely close and we loved and grew together, spoke about amazing things, encouraged and inspired each other. I had invested a lot in him and I’m sure he did too. I keep thinking maybe if I had just gone out with him when he asked things wouldn’t be like this. He said that asking to go to eat with me was the last time he tried. I personally don’t think it’s fair because he didn’t make it clear to me that we were at that stage.

What do I do? I’ve been a mess for the past two weeks, all I can think about is I won’t be able to cuddle and kiss him again.

EZ

May 29, 2016 at 10:48 pm

Just an update…we had a meeting today and I saw him and I kind of broke my no contact by asking if he was free after and at first he said he wasn’t but something got cancelled and then he said he can. We drove somewhere and he apologised for being mean to me and the way he handled the break up and what he said. He also admitted this girl isn’t a thing with him and he thought he liked her but he doesn’t in that way but they go out and she was there for him through this. He told me he hasn’t replaced me and he hasn’t forgotten me after the 2 years we shared. We laughed and joked a lot, it was nice. I don’t think he is interested in pursuing a relationship with me right now, he said we can be friends (no telling him I miss him) but I asked for a hug (:/) and he said he would give it but not to get ideas. So we hugged, it was extremely long and warm, not a friend hug for sure (he was stroking my back) and it was really nice and we both were happy in the moment. Have I wrecked my chances or what? It was emotional but it felt just like old times and it was so nice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 3:06 am

Well yeah you broke nc but you didn’t totally ruin your chances.. actually I’m happy you had a positive interaction but, you have to restart count and you have to focus in your self no matter what happens between them.. be civil with him when you see him but don’t initiate a conversation.. if he starts just repky politely direct.. start to busy in your own life with old or new things because you need to heal and improve
EZ

May 26, 2016 at 10:11 pm

Hi Amor,

I lasted four days at one point and then broke it off and now I’m on my second day. What should I do to get him back since this new girl now exists?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Hi Ez,

have you started active no contact?

Erin

May 20, 2016 at 12:50 pm

my long distance boyfriend just broke up with me because he “lost the love” for me and wants to stay friends we were planning a trip June 1st to see each other and he says he Stilll wants me to go as a friend. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2016 at 11:48 am

Hi Erin,

Have you started no contact since your break up and are you improving yourself?

tina

May 12, 2016 at 8:04 am

ooh man, I’m in a bit of a tricky spot. after reading some of your advice on here, I realised I might have screwed up big time. ok, here it is, I broke up with him three weeks ago because he started being a bit of a dick (he has some attachment and abandonment issues that are unaddressed). he came back from overseas last year, ready and willing to settle down (we knew each other before that and were casually dating then). and he wanted to settle with me. well, and when he became a bit of a dick, I had enough, and broke up rather than work through it. he was very much taken aback by that. I’ve told him since that I actually want to be with him, but he since started liking his freedom better (he also works crazy hours) and that I can just have what I asked for. he won’t listen to what I want. BUT he will get in touch to have his sexual needs satisfied, so we started having this virtual affair. but whenever it comes to actually getting through some emotional talk, he shuts off, says he’s too tired bladida. I’m now trying the no-contact rule (but I dont know if that works or simply feeds into his idea that he’s better off without me). how can I try the reverse psychology if he keeps sending me dirty snap chats? also, he keeps saying that our friendship might be better than our relationship (but what kinda friends have a virtual affair, huh?!). gaah, he really is confusing the hell out of me. but I think he might be evenly as confused, especially since I broke up and he is of the opinion that our relationship was never sustainable considering the amount of effort we both put in. any help or input would be super 🙂 thanks in advance

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 4:42 am

Hi Tina,

you mean you’re having virtual sex? Stop it because he views you as a booty call.. For me you should move on from him

Rene D'souza

May 12, 2016 at 4:19 am

Thanks amor for the help. You were right in whatever you said. I got many calls and threatening messages from him where he sounded depressed and asked me talk to him desperately. So I did discuss with him about why I was not talking to him. It was an emotional breakdown for him. He cried like hell and blamed me for this kind of my behaviour of not talking to him and cutting me off. Whatever reasons I gave were all my false assumptions is what he said and he always loved and cared for me. But on the other hand he kept on saying that the way I behaved was very rude and this kind of behaviour of cutting him off was like no one can behave like this with ones enemy also. He said that he kept on calling me and messaging me and begging to talk to me and that I had turned into a stone. So now he says that he is done with me as I can be at peace without him which i proved with the NC and that I am heartless. I dont know what to say or do or react. Its been a hell lot of stress for me where either he is begging his heart out to talk to me or i am dying because of the stress for the way he is behaving. Please advice!

Rene D'souza

May 13, 2016 at 4:35 pm

Update – After that emotional breakdown he has become arrogant. He says he lost trust in me and that I can leave him alone anytime in the future. He says he didnt expect this kind of cruel behaviour from me where I cut him off for 3 days and kept on begging his heart out to talk to me. Now he does not want to continue with me. He says its upto you whether you want to be friends or have just a professional relationship, completely upto me whether I want to talk to him or not. He said let things be the way they are for now i.e no relationship and lets see with time if we come together or part ways. He has left it entirely on time for us to be back together. So how should I react or reply. How do I get him back as now it feels like he is punishing me for my just 3 days of NC by saying that he is done with our relationship and cant take the stress anymore. He feels i had ego and i played games by not replying to his mesages and calls and i did not care for him at all.
So now should i do the no contact again or not. We will be working together soon as well professionally. Will NC again annoy him and disgust him more and drift him away? I am blamed for disturbing his emotional balance by making him cry for the first time ever due to the short NC. I am confused as to what should I do now to get him back. Please advice
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 4:35 am

honestly it’s his way of getting the upper hand.. he’s so used to you just being and around even if you’re not supposed to be around.. Apologize for causing his pain, but remain your ground.. it’s just so to help him reflect that he’s being emotional.. tell, him you’re doing this because you’ve been taken 2nd priority and you need to rebuild your self esteem and self respect and you’re worth doesn’t depend on him being with someone else but on yourself alone.. and then continue on nc..

Sandy

May 11, 2016 at 11:00 pm

My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago as he said he lost his feelings for me. I panicked and for i and a half months, i begged and pleaded for him via text to come back to me but all that did was push him away to the point where he was just replying me with one word replies.

Finally I tried NC and after the first week, he sent a super long apology to me about what an ass he was in handling our breakup but he also wrote that he did not want me to love him anymore and he just wanted to be friends. I broke NC to try to convince him to try a relationship again with me but he said that although he knows that i am capable of supporting him, he still has no feelings.

I am lost in whether to start the 30day NC again or accept his friendship and try to artract him back from there but i am scared that he will have his cake and eat it, which is to have my support which i gave him when we were together without needing to try to feel for me again. Please help!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 2:44 am

Hi Sandy,

Don’t end up being friendzoned or being friends with benefits with him.. start no contact.. focus on yourself, improve your self esteem and improve and heal.. don’t chase him.. set him aside for 30 days first and work on yourself..

Rene D'souza

May 9, 2016 at 2:54 am

Thanx for all your feedback. Its helping me a lot. He is constantly trying to contact me asking me what happened after which he wont come in my way ever and that I owe him one discussion one conversation. Guide me as to how should I proceed. Should we have this conversation or not as I kept him in that dilemma by just sending a message saying i am done and now i know everything about you. Didnt specify anything and just directly went into NC. Please advice what should I do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 11:36 am

don’t respond because you’re still in nc.. talk about it after if he initiates it, but remain calm because it’s like that it will be just another emotional talk that will set you back… so do your best to explain the reason why you’re done in a calm and rational way, not in a blaming way..

Rene D'souza

May 7, 2016 at 3:30 pm

Yeah. Few days back i just flipped when he was teasing me and trying to provoke me by taking the other girls name. I explained that its not about trust but that he is not careful with his words and the provocation has reached its limit. We will be working together soon in the same office and probably the other girl might also join. So all three in the same team. The other day I found out that he is constantly chatting with the same girl all day long. And its been like this for a past couple of months. So I just messaged saying I am done and I came to know about whats going on. Didnt feel like talking to him as I feel something is fishy. It feels like he is doing things so that I give up and end the relationship. He called to know what did I came to know about. But i didnt pick his call and messaged replying talk to you later in the same way he was replying for the past few months.
Its NC after that. I want to hold on my patience when we start working together and continue with the no contact. I hope what I did is right. Do let me know if I am on the right track and how to remain unaffected even when we are working together. I hope the professional relationship is maintained and my NC does not take a ugly turn. Please advice !

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 1:42 am

Be active in doing new activities and connecting to new people during no contact.. start new friendships in your new activiteis.. it’s very important that you do that.. because if you don’t start change and improvement in your life.. nc is useless.. when you go back to work, just remain calm.. Take the high road.. They probably expect to be dissapointed and angry always, so prove them wrong..

« Previous 1 … 8 9 10 11 12 … 27 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”