What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What The Professional Bridesmaid Has To Say About Making A Relationship Work

Jen Glantz is a fascinating woman.

On a whim one day she decided to create a “Craigslist ad” to see if anyone would be interested in hiring her as a bridesmaid.

She woke up to over 200 emails the next day from desperate brides looking for bridesmaids.

That little kernel of an idea soon turned into a full fledged business that she runs where she is literally a bridesmaid for women on their big day. Now, on first glance you may be sitting there wondering,

Umm… what the heck does this have to do with my ex?

Well, Jen Glantz has literally taken part in more weddings than anyone I have ever met so she is up close and personal to what it takes for a couple to get married. I thought it might be interesting to get her opinion on what she thinks makes a relationship work.

Her answer actually caught me off guard a little bit.

Watch What Jen Glantz Had To Say About Making A Relationship Work

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • How Jen came up with the idea for her business
  • Some hilarious wedding stories
  • We don’t live in a Disney movie
  • Wedding breakups
  • Brides have problems letting go of exes
  • Jen Glantz’s personal story and brilliant idea for dating

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

  • Alright, I want to take a moment to welcome Jen Glantz to our show! Now, Jen’s an interesting woman/entrepreneur. She’s been all over the place. So, she is the mastermind behind the website Bridesmaidforhire, where she essentially–Well, how about I let you describe it Jen? Because you’re going to do a way more justice–I’ll probably just butcher the entire idea but you go ahead and describe it.

  • Well, thank you so much Chris for having me on the show today. I am so excited to be on. I am the founder for bridesmaidforhire. So, yes I am a hired bridesmaid by strangers all over the country. Started the business 2 years ago and I have a couple different packages but essentially I like to say, I’m the on call therapist, the personal assistant, the social director and the peace keeper for brides to be.

  • Now, let me ask you. How long have you been doing the bridesmaid for hire, I guess business as a whole?

  • So, I started it 2 years ago. I was a bridesmaid for my friend so many times when I was in my early 20s and there was one night in particular where my room mate looked at me and she called me the professional bridesmaid. And that’s kind of when I decided, you know what? I’m going to try to make a career out of this. And it’s been about 2 1/2 years.

  • Yeah, we’ve been talking before we actually started recording and I asked you, “Well, how many of these have you actually done?” And you told me you’ve done over 40. So, you–now let me ask you, have you ever been the maid of honor at a wedding?

  • I have. There’s been quite a few times where I’ve given speeches and I have been, not only maid of honor but also their only bridesmaid.

  • Really? Is it like a small type of wedding when you’re the only bridesmaid?

  • Yeah, you know there’s sometimes when brides don’t have many close friends or when the wedding not as big as other weddings might be where they just want one person to be by their side.

  • Now, if you’re listening to this, and you’re sitting here and wondering, “Well, I’m going through a breakup. How does this even apply to me?” Well, I brought Jen on the show because I think she has a really unique perspective to offer. Especially when it comes to falling in love. And you have been present at 40 different weddings and arguable that is the most romantic thing that a couple can do, is get married right? So, you are essentially watching it all happen. And so, I wanted to bring Jen to the show to talk a little bit her perspective. What maybe she has seen as an objective viewer and what makes love work. But before we get to that, I have to definitely quiz you on some of the burning questions in my mind specifically relating to the bridesmaid’s, I guess, job as a whole. So, you’ve been to 40 weddings, what would you say is like the weirdest experience you’ve had at a wedding?

  • Oh man. I’ve had some very weird experiences. Just a top of my head, there was one wedding where I had to, I worked at an outdoor wedding in Nevada and there was animal droppings on the aisle and the bride was about to walk down the aisle and get her dress ruined. So, I have the job–

  • You didn’t.

  • Oh, yes. I did. You can finish that sentence of how that went. But I took care of business. While the job sounds glamorous, it’s anything but. You’re often doing things that nobody else will do

  • Yeah, picking up animal droppings is definitely not on the job–I hope you got paid well for that one.

  • Oh yeah but you know what, can you really pay someone enough for that job?

  • No, no, no. Who knew, what was it, dirty jobs? You know it was like on the tv. You are essentially–you’re the next one in, a bridesmaid. It’s a dirty job.

  • It is. You don’t realize it. A lot of what I do is help the bride in uncomfortable situations. You know people don’t talk about this but being in a wedding dress is really, really hard. It’s one of the main things I help brides do is go to the bathroom in their wedding dress. I teach them how to pee in it. Those are some of the grosser things that I do at weddings but I’ve seen it all and I’ve really had done it all.

  • So, you’ve been a maid of honor at a few, let’s say, handful of wedding because I’m assuming most of the weddings you’ve actually been hired to become a bridesmaid, you haven’t been a maid of honor. You’ve probably just been like one of the bridesmaids right?

  • Sure yeah. There were times when I was just a part of the bridal party and then there were definitely times when I was the maid of honor.

  • Ok, so, as a maid of honor, especially since–if someone’s hiring you to become a maid of honor, you’ve probably gotten to know each other maybe a month or two before the wedding right?

  • Yeah, sometimes we work together for a bit longer we work together anywhere between 11 months to a year before the wedding but yeah, there are cases when they hire me, 3 months, 2 months before the wedding and we kind of have to get to know each other on a very fast basis.

  • Ok so, it’s a fast–I guess it’s a trial by fire type thing where if you’re stuck in the hornet’s nest you kind of have to fend for yourself. So, obviously one of the things that a maid of honor has to do is to give a speech and you said you’ve given multiple speeches before. So, how do you structure the speech?

  • That is such a great question. You know one wedding in particular, I remember at the bride’s home, I didn’t have to give a speech. So, I sat back, I was relaxing for a minute, and all of a sudden the dj came up to me and announced that I was next to give a speech. So, I have to grab a mic and get up there and truly speak from the heart for a bride that I’ve never met before until that day. What I like to do is just really talk about what I learned about love through that person which could sound silly because you don’t really know the person but you do. You get to see how they feel around their person that they’re marrying and you know as a single girl at a lot of these weddings, I learned a lot about love through these people that I didn’t learn anywhere else. So, I pull a lot of that into these speeches.

  • Well, perfect. You’re basically doing my job for me. Perfect segway. So, what have you been able to learn as an objective viewer of 40 different couples on the happiest day of their lives? So, what is making their relationship work up to that point? What have you been able to learn?

  • It’s so interesting because I think before I’ve worked weddings and I went to weddings all the time, I guess I thought love and relationships were supposed to be perfect. They were supposed to be fairy tales. You wanted a person who met all this criteria that you have.

  • You have Disney to blame for that.

  • Yeah, and you know what, you just have people to blame for. Nobody really tells you that relationships are extremely hard. They’re ugly, they’re hard, they’re anything but perfect most of the time. I have to be honest, a lot of the weddings I’ve worked, people don’t get married for love. They get married for other reasons sometimes which was crazy to see. Some people married the wrong person and they know that before they do it which I see often too.

    There are occasional weddings where the couple just fits really well and those are the ones I cling on to and to those are the ones I take notes about because that really made me realize that I’m looking for the wrong person. I’m dating the wrong people and it’s about time that I start to look for the right things which isn’t perfection, which is just someone who puts up with you and you put up with them.

  • So, you said you’re dating for the reasons and you’ve been able to learn from your experience as a bridesmaid. What are some of the other things you’ve been able to pick up other than the fact that human beings aren’t perfect?

  • I think that I realized that you know, it’s easy to rush into relationships. I think that in my case, all my friends got engaged. They’re married by 24, 25 and I was still figuring out my life and my career and dating the very wrong people back then. I think I realized that it’s not a race to the finish line but often times we feel pressured that it is, when everyone around us is finding what seems like the right person and getting married. We start to question, what’s wrong with us?

    Why are we still single and one thing I learned is that it’s not a race. The last thing that you want to happen is to show up on your wedding day and say to yourself, “Oh my god. I’m about to marry the wrong person.” And as the bridesmaid for hire in a lot of this situations, I’m the one they tell that to. So, I’ve seen a couple times that brides have turned to me and said, “I don’t want to do this. I don’t really like this person. I don’t love this person.” And that’s a strange thing to hear someone say on their wedding day yet, it’s very common.

  • Yeah, I guess, it’s the whole cold feet type of thing are people dealing with. You’ve been in 40 weddings and you’re at the wedding and the bride turns to you and says, “I don’t want to do this.” What do you do in that circumstance? Do you basically try to talk her into getting married to a guy she doesn’t want to get married to or is it just try to end the wedding? What’s the protocol there bridesmaid?

  • Yeah, I had a situation a couple of months ago where 5 minutes before the ceremony started, the bride called aside and she said, “Jen, I don’t like him. I hate him. I don’t want to get married.”

  • That’s horrible to hear!

  • It is. My whole body was tingling but also I can’t say that was the first time it’s happened. So, I pulled her aside, I said listen, “You don’t have to do this. Her maid of honor wanted her to go through it, that everyone wanted her to go through with it but won’t turn the eye and said listen, “If you don’t want to, we’ll leave. I’ll take you to dinner. You don’t have to do this.” And I told her that and then said “But here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to put you in a room with the groom for 10 minutes.

    Talk to him. If after 10 minutes, you still don’t want to do it, I’ll get us an uber, we’ll leave.” So, she did that and she walked out and said, “I don’t want to marry him. I don’t love him but you know what, I’m going to go through with the day.” because all of her guests are waiting for her to come out. She did go through with it and it was hard to watch but you know, it’s not too late for her to end it after that. I think that you know, people think when they walk down the aisle, it’s a done deal but if you’re having those second thoughts, if you don’t want to do it, it doesn’t have to last forever just because you think you found the right person and they turn out to be wrong.

  • So, just to have this straight.  She went through with the wedding but I guess she had plans to annul the marriage afterwards? Was that kind of the plan?

  • I think so. But from the looks of it, she’s pretty angry. The thing about weddings no one tell you about either is that everything comes out. All the drama, all the problems you have in your relationship, they all come out to play on the wedding day because it’s a very stressful situation. So, I think everything came to her head in that moment and I think she said to herself, “You know what. I have 300 people waiting for me to walk down the aisle. They traveled from all over place. I’m going to do that.” But it was very awkward wedding. They’re barely danced together. They’re barely talked to each other. It was very hard to watch but I understand her decision and I’m not there to judge but I’m definitely there to tell her that if she wants to run away, I’ll be the get away driver.

  • That’s interesting. I think personally, you did do the right thing. I can understand that’s a difficult thing to watch someone go through. It’s a little awkward and I suppose the only reason she walked down the aisle,was probably to appease all of the people who–because weddings are a big deal. Now, I remember my wedding, we didn’t want to have one of the big church wedding. We wanted a simple wedding on the beach with just a small, close friends and family but even then, there was this fair share of drama. So, I imagine–so, give me the dirt here Jen, what are some of the best drama stories you have because that one set the bar pretty high. Can you break that one?

  • Oh, my goodness! Of course! There’s always drama attached to every wedding and it’s funny that you mentioned that you had drama at yours because that’s normal. People don’t really talk about it. I’ve had mothers of the bride try to sabotage. I had one mother of the bride once who brought her own boxes of decorations that the bride told her she didn’t want to have there and right before the reception, the mom was opening these boxes and putting these decorations all over the place which were hideous and upsetting to the bride.

    So, my job was to secretly collect them and put them back in the box. So, that the bride didn’t see. Sometimes you have bridesmaids who are sabotaging the wedding day and they just don’t listen to the bride and they just make it very much about them and there’s drama with that. You know, the thing about weddings too is it’s the only time in your life, one of the only times where you have everybody you know in the same room and there’s a reason that doesn’t happen more often because people don’t get along all the time. And you see that a lot, you really do.

  • Wow! So, you see a lot of, I guess if you could pin point one person, you talk a lot about the mother of the bride but is there one person in particular after the 40 weddings you’ve been to that causes the most drama?

  • To be honest, I would say it’s the bride and I say that only because–

  • Bridezilla!

  • Yeah, and you know what, I don’t blame anyone who’s a bridezilla because here’s what happens, there’s so much stress and pressure that’s put on the bride for the wedding day. That when ends up going on is that they just kind of lose it because they’re so overwhelmed. So, they sabotage their own wedding. They don’t enjoy a second of it because they’re walking around, figuring out what’s wrong, how to fix and they’re just you know, perfectionists because they’re spending so much money on 8 hours. So, I see that a lot. I see a lot of brides who are just tip toeing around their own wedding in a daze because they can’t enjoy it.

  • And so, what are some of the tips and tricks you give them to maybe slow down and try to enjoy the day or do you just try to let them go through their own process?

  • I really try to step in and intervene just because you know, I’ve been to so many weddings and I see this all the time. So, there are many points when I just them to just slow down, take a deep breath. I’m very honest, I think that’s why a lot of brides like working with me because one thing I always tell them is, “Listen, your day is not going to go perfect.

    Understand that right now. Get that out of the way. Things are going to go wrong. So, when things do go wrong, how are you going to react? How are you going to handle it? Let’s plan that out now.” Are you going to whine? Go to the bathroom and cry for 10 minutes and then move on, fine but you know, let’s have a plan when things do go wrong because they absolutely will.

  • And so, you’re the bridesmaid, now do you have any input into what maybe the wedding planner does? Have you ever been hired for those skills because you’ve ben to so many weddings or is this strictly, you’re just there for the bride?

  • Yeah, you know, I say that, a wedding planner, that’s a tough job in itself and they really have a lot of work on their hands but you know they’re focusing on the venue and handling the vendors. My job is really to be there for the people, to be there for the bride, the bridesmaids, all that wonderful stuff. I do little bit of day of coordinating on the side as well. So, the bride needs a person there behind the scenes on her wedding, just making sure everything is running smoothly, I offer a package like that too. But having a wedding planner, that’s a whole other beast. That’s the one making sure everything is put together well and comes together well and that’s not something I ever really wanted to get into. So, I leave that to the pros.

  • It’s a sound idea because I remember for my wedding, I’m kind of a laid back. So, I was always under the assumption that women love planning these kind of things and so I gave the reins to my wife and obviously she wanted one thing and then her parents wanted another thing and then it was a month before the wedding and so, nothing was getting done and so I said, “Well, do you want me to just take over?” And she was like, “God, yes!” And so I took over trying to coordinate things and I have never been more stressed on anything in my entire life before. It’s a stressful experience doing that. So, I can’t even imagine, how you stay sane. Especially when you’re so tied –you’re tied so closely to the bride.

  • Yeah, you’re the one that is dealing with every single emotion, the good, the bad, the ugly and you know my job is to help them manage those emotions. I’m kind of like their unofficial therapist for the day. So, you know, you really need to be the kind of the person who A) likes people, and B) can relate to people in all different types of situations. So, I think that’s why I like the chaos of the job is because I like helping people get through these crazy situations and I’m very honest about it with them. So, I gave them a little bit of tough love on their wedding day because that’s what they need.

  • Yeah, and it was interesting. You were talking and I was thinking about your skill set so to speak and what you said about you being a therapist and that’s almost half of what they pay you for, I would feel like because if nothing else, you’re there to listen. I feel like for a lot of brides and maybe–have you ever done any work with grooms? Like the wedding ringer? That movie!

  • Yeah, that was a fun movie! Yeah, you know, I’d say that I am your on call therapist because sometimes I do couples therapy unoffically. I don’t have a degree by any means to do this but there are sometimes where the bride will put the groom on the phone and we’ll talk through things. It is called bridesmaid for hire but it’s not just dealing with the bride. It’s really dealing with anybody who needs help to just get through the whole wedding process.

  • Yeah, I think that’s–I wish we would have hired you just to manage our whole wedding because that was stressful enough but besides the point. Since we are dealing with a podcast here about break ups and exes specifically. Do you have any stories relating to exes and the weddings you’ve been at?

  • Oooh, that’s a great question. I’ve never been at a wedding where they invited their exes or anything like that but there’s definitely been brides, I’ve worked with or even you know friends of mine who had problems letting go of an ex before they got married and really had to have a talk with themselves and with that person to cut them out their lives. I think that when we fall with someone and we lose them, whether it’s to a break up or just be going our own ways, sometimes that love doesn’t disappear so quickly just because we’re getting married. I remember, I had a friend getting married and she had a big trouble trying to say goodbye to the ex and in realizing that marrying someone else really meant it was over. I think that before you do tie the knot with somebody, you really need to make amends with yourself and that old person to really try to let that love go or be stored away somewhere else.

  • If you’re listening, Jen, she runs a bridesmaid for hire, which is the most genius idea I think I’ve ever heard. I don’t know if you’ve ripped that off from 27 dresses but I did read like a little of the background. It looks like you put like a Craigslist ad up? And that’s how it kind of just like gave you the idea or it could kind of proof of concept?

  • Yeah, you know, so in the movie 27 dresses, she was a bridesmaid just for her friends. That was my early 20s, and after my roommate nicknamed me the professional bridesmaid, that’s when I said to myself, “Alright, let me try this out.” I went to craigslist and I posted an ad offering my services as the professional bridesmaid to strangers. The ad took off, went viral and I got hundreds of responses from brides all over the world or to learn more about what I was doing.

  • Yeah, it sort of crafted this whole business which you did ad like years ago right, 2 or 3 years ago?

  • Yeah, 2 1/2 years ago.

  • 2 1/2 years and you’ve been doing the weddings pretty much ever since.

  • Yeah, after I posted the ad, about a week later, I had the business started and the week after that I had my first client, Ashley in Minnesota and from there, it’s been just a steady stream of working with brides and maid of honors.

  • That’s great but I imagine–so, it’s all–is it al over the world or is it just United States based?

  • So, right now, I’ve only worked wedding in this country. I definitely hope to make it abroad some time soon. I do have sometimes international clients who come here and get married but yeah, right now, it’s just been a lot of travel around our own country.

  • Well, that’s 21:08 you get to see a lot of places, barring the Nevada dropping issue there but I imagine now, I’m trying to shift this into, you said I could embarrass you at the beginning of the show and now, I’m going to try to do that. So, I imagine dating for you is a little bit difficult.

  • It is impossible. Even before I started this business it was hard because I was very career driven and I actually spent a lot of time dating guys who were opposite of me. I used to really like guys who didn’t have careers, didn’t have a drive and I couldn’t figure out why that was and I think it was because I was always trying to over compensate for them.

    You know, I was working two jobs at once, dating guys who were working zero jobs and I was dating just the wrong people and then when I started this business, dating became really hard because when guys found out I was a professional bridesmaid, all they wanted to know was how big of a rush I was in to get married which isn’t the case at all. I never wanted to rush into marriage,

  • Well, maybe you could look at like you’re waiting out the losers. The losers are going to be the guys who think that.

  • Oh my god, yeah. My personal story of where I am now is that in February I decided to get over somebody that I was really–I really liked a lot. I was dating somebody who was in another country and I really like him a lot. He pretty much broke my heart pretty badly and I couldn’t recover from that. I was crushed and February came around and I had a moment where I just–I woke up and I said to myself, enough.

    Like I can’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I’m 28, I need to move on. So, in February I did an experiment where I went on 1 first dates. That was my goal, to meet 14 different guys in February and I did. I went on those dates. I met nobody of course that I liked but it did help me get over this person and actually I went on a 15th date and that 15th date turned out to be my boyfriend of 9 months.

  • Awesome! Congratulations!

  • Thank you! It was a weird experiment that I had to do to get over.

  • Actually, you’re not going to believe what I’m about–so, you definitely came to the right place to talk about this because I specialize in breakups professionally. And so, they’ve researched, like what is the best way to get over an ex? They’ve done so many different research because everyone knows–well, anyone who’s nerdy and well read as me knows that when you’re going through a break up, literally you are facing the signs of a withdrawal.

    So, the same part of your brain that lights up when a drug addict or cocaine addict is going through withdrawal, the same parts of the brain lights up when you’re going through a break up that’s broken your heart. They’ve actually found that getting a rebound is one of the best ways to move on from your ex. Now, I’m not saying sleeping with the guy but getting a rebound. So, it seems like to me, you just went on 14 rebound dates and bam! Over!

  • Yeah, you know what, I wish it was that easy. Of course, dates 1-4 was like, “This is miserable! I want the old person back.” But I mean, I really had strong feelings for this guy who had broken my heart and you know he decided to move further away and all of this stuff and the last thing he said to me was, “Just wait around for me, Jen. You’re always single anyway. Who cares?” I said to myself, “You know what, enough! Like I’m sick of chasing this guys who do this.”

    That 14 goal was just for me to break the stigma of how awkward dating was. I wanted to be able to treat dating like I would a conversation with a friend and when you don’t go in any dates, the first dates is pretty terrifying. So, a lot of that was just personal work of me getting over my fear of dating and starting from scratch which is just the most terrifying thing sometimes.

  • So, I think we have an interesting thing to talk about here. This 14 dates that you went on, you said all of them, minus the 15th date which is the boyfriend now, who you clearly, clearly liked. The 14 dates, why don’t you take me through them as much as you can and tell me about some of the horror stories because it had to–was it more of things they did or was it more of you’re still obsessed over the other person long distance that didn’t work out?

  • I think that I gave everyone a very fair chance. I think I walked into this dates and said, “You know what, I have to meet this quota.” So, when I was on the dating app, what I did was, –and this was really helpful when I said yes to everyone who asked and even I took the initiative to ask people on dates which I never would have done before but because I had to meet this number, I was judging people lest on their profile and just trying to rush them to meet me in person which was such a good idea because we can sit there all day and take apart a  profile and shop for days but what do we really learn about the person? Nothing. I was messaging guys saying, “Hey! Meet me for coffee on a Sunday.” I didn’t know anything about them or even really what they looked like when they showed up and that was really cool because a lot of the guys I liked were guys that their profiles were kind of bare and I wouldn’t really have liked them from their picture.

    So, a lot of the people I liked when I met in person were people I didn’t like online. There were definitely some horror stories. I went on some dates with guys that were you know, super boring. I talked to one guy about the business model of Uber for 45 minutes. One guy came extremely intoxicated to a date and we had to sit through dinner together. I mean they were pretty painful most of them and some of them were great guys. Guys I want to be friends with but there was just no connection.

  • No spark. The chemistry wasn’t there.

  • It wasn’t and I wasn’t looking to force it. I was doing this experiment not to find someone but to get over myself. Just feel good about myself again and I didn’t want to force myself to dates and when I didn’t really feel amazing about.

  • So, you went on 14 dates, you mentioned a quota, so the quota was hitting 14 dates?

  • It was.

  • Ok, so you hit the 14 dates, how long did that take?

  • So, it took exactly 20 days in February. I was going on 4 dates a day sometimes on the weekends.

  • Wow! That’s a lot of dating in a day. So, 14, now it’s the 15th date. So, I guess the 15th time is the charm for you. So, date number 15, how long was that–how far away the quota was it? Was it like, like it just happened like date number 14 and then a date later, date number 15 or was there kind of a brief period where you kind of laid back a little bit?

  • Yes, after the 14 dates, after February I said to myself, “Ok, I’m good. I gave this a shot. I feel better about where I am with myself and this ex and I’m going to delete my apps.” I think like the second week of March, I said to myself let me go on and delete them and I then went on to delete my dating app, I saw a message from  a guy who was expiring in  4 hours and we didn’t have a chance to talk but he said, “You seem interesting. Here’s my number, text me if you want.” And I was like, “Text you?” I was thinking to myself, why would I ever text a guy? That’s so not me! And you know, as I went to delete the app permanently I said, “Ok whatever. What’s one more date?” Like it’ll be weird for me to text this person. It’s not who I am. So, why not just try it.

    So, I texted this guy. I said, “Listen, if you want to meet me. You can meet me for coffee at 12` o’clock on Sunday at this spot.” And the guy was like,”Ok, Jen. Calm down. I’ll meet you.” So, on the 19th of March, we met for coffee and the first 30 minutes of the date I remember being just so uptight and you know I treated it like date 15. LIke it was nothing. I got 30 minutes in, I realized, “Wow! This guy is really cool and different.” I sat up straight and I said to myself, “Pull it together and save this Jen because you’re not doing so well right now.” So, I think I knew 30 minutes in that there was something really interesting about the person I was sitting across and I hadn’t felt that way the whole month of February.

  • Yeah, so date number 15, what does this guy who’s now your boyfriend do to make you have that epiphany where, “Wow, this guy is different than the rest.” What were some of the things that he did?

  • He walked into that coffee shop, it was a busy coffee shop. I had already gotten there first. I was sitting down and I changed the time on him, like 3 times and he walked in and he just made me feel like I was the only person in that coffee shop. He greeted me just–so excited to be there and so much energy. I’m used to go in a date where you both hug awkwardly, we’re both shy at first and this guy lit up the room, had such a big personality and we were talking about everything from how we want to on the amazing together, to how we’re both entrepreneurs and you know, he seems serious about life but also really laid back and fun about just life and his own personal life.

    He laughed at my jokes which was always really nice to have happen. I really can’t say it was all this amazing things at once. It wasn’t just fireworks either. It was kind of just the feeling of calm, a feeling of comfort which I have never in my life experienced with anybody. Usually I go after the guys I have fireworks for. The ones who made me just go crazy because I like them so much and there’s always like a little bit of a chase and a game and this guy, it was like the first date, after it ended he said, “I’d love to take you out for pizza.”  And he made plans for the second date, it was just comfortable and cozy in a way, weird way.

  • Well, it seems like it worked out. You’ve been dating for 9 months and things I am assuming are going pretty well.

  • They are. It’s been incredible. I wake up everyday, I’d say to myself, “What would have happened if I’d kept on chasing that wrong person in January?” Everything happens for a reason. Like it’s been just a year of chasing somebody wrong and dating someone right and I am so grateful that that wrong person left my life and broke my heart. If I ever see him again, which I hope I do, I want to hug him and say thank you so much for doing what you did to me because it forced me to move on and meet the right person.

  • Yeah, and I’m really glad you brought this up because one of the biggest issues that I struggle with my listeners and my audience is the fact that a lot of them come to my website wanting to get their ex back. So, they’ve gone through a break up, they want to get their ex back and sometimes that’s not the best thing for them and I’ve actually found, using my own research methods that one of the best ways to actually get your ex back is to actually try to move on. It’s one of the most effective way but it seems to me, you had a break up and you mentioned that your heart was broken. So, what ultimate came to the decision to where you are saying, “You know what, I”m going to try to get over this person.” As opposed to I’m going to try to get this person back? Not saying that you wanted him back but what ultimately went into that decision?

  • I was embarrassed by myself and for myself because it was the kind of relationship where I was constantly begging him to come visit me and to talk to me and to be with me and why I was so great and I just kept feeling embarrassed for myself. I remember, I was taking a trip with my friends, a road trip and I sat in the back seat of the car just saying to myself, “You’ve become so sad and you’ve become all these things that aren’t you and what’s the reason why this person.”

    You know, it was all because of how did person was making me feel. I think what happens to people is that one day you wake up, you literally wake up and you say to yourself, “I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of acting like this. I’ve had enough of being sad and feeling sorry for myself. ” And I don’t think until you’ve had that moment, you can move on but I think when you have that moment and you suddenly wake up and say, “What the heck am I chasing? And why do I think this is the best I’m ever going to get?” Until you’ve had that moment, it’s very hard but when you do have that moment, you wake up with a reason to power through and try again and every time you try again, you find yourself in a better situation and you really do believe that’s the truth.

  • Yeah, I’m really glad things worked out for you because it seems like a lot of people can take hope from this that even if, you decide or even if you fail to get your ex back, you can have a happy ending and it seems to me that you’re really grateful for that particular break up.

  • I am and you know, I’ve been the girl who tried to get her ex back and I was successful with that many, many times. Let me tell you what happened, is you get him back and you’re in a viscous cycle of realizing, “Oh wow, this is why it ended.” I don’t think relationships should be the kind of relationships that hurt your heart. A lot of relationships are like that.

    Any relationship, I’ve ever had actually with a guy was me feeling heartbroken most of the time or me chasing something most of the time. For the first time, really, I’m in something where it’s very calm and we’re both on the same page and I’ve never had that before which is weird because usually I’m starting drama or I’m jealous or I don’t trust the person but those are not the things you’re supposed to have or want and I think you have to date a lot of wrong people to realize that what you’re doing, your behavior which is not love, it’s not real.

  • Ok, real quickly. Let’s talk about the happy ending here. Specifically your new boyfriend. Now, I’m assuming he knows what you do. I mean being with you 9 months, he has to know you are the bridesmaid for hire girl.

  • Oh, he knows. I mean before our first date, he admits now that he did a lot of research on me.

  • It’s the age we live on. It’s like that How I Met Your Mother episode.

  • He knew going into it what he was getting himself into and he’s been really supportive of what I do and he doesn’t think by any means that I am wedding obsessed or crazy.

  • So, do you ever bring him along when you go to this weddings across the state or this is kind of your gig or he’s too busy doing his thing?

  • Yeah, there’s been a couple of weddings where he’s traveled with me and maybe crashed the end of the wedding and he’s never been actually invited but he’s very supportive and he’ll sometimes take the vacation with me to go to the wedding which is a lot of fun but it’s great having somebody who supports what you do. I’m used to having people or dating people who tell me that it’s a waste of time to start a business or I’m not good enough or smart enough or strong enough. So, it’s nice having someone who reminds you that you are enough.

  • Yeah, there has to be a huge support system to fall back on when you’re having that bad day. You can kind of just come and get the support you need to inspire you to go on the next day.

  • It’s true and I can’t say it’s all butterflies and rainbows. There’s times when even my boyfriend now would give me advice that I’m too stubborn to accept and I’ll fight back on but it’s still nice having someone to talk to whether or not you agree with what they say. It’s just nice to have someone to vent to and get perspective.

  • And I’m assuming, there’s been no talk of marriage here because it seems to me you’re so closely tied to marriage. Have you guys worked out exactly–I know this is like the most horrible question to ask, especially coming from a stranger. Have you guys worked out, like open to that kind of a thing?

  • Yeah, we’ve definitely talked about it. You know, I think shockingly I’m the one who wants like a tiny wedding and I think he would want a bigger wedding which is funny because usually it’s switched but you know, I’ve been to so many that, I don’t want the traditional thing and I don’t have the money to spend on a wedding like that. So, I think my idea of a wedding doesn’t feel like a wedding at all which I think no guy expects to hear from a girl, especially someone in the wedding industry.

  • Yeah, I remember my wife on our wedding, she knows I’m not exactly–I think I fall in line with you. I’m not really into the big, extravagant weddings. And so, she would have loved to have that but she knew that about me and so she was the one to suggest like  a small wedding which is–it’s interesting that she made that sacrifice but even with the small wedding there was still drama. I think it just goes along with weddings.

  • I agree. I think so and I think if you want to have a wedding the right way, what you have to do is take a step back and ditch everything you’ve seen or heard about weddings and plan a party. You know, plan the coolest party you can where the least amount of money and call it a night. Don’t blow your budget. Don’t go crazy planning a day for 8 hours that cost more than your own car or your mortgage payments or anything like that. I think keep it personal and plan a party of a lifetime. Not a wedding, not  a traditional wedding.

  • Yeah, sage advice especially from you, you’ve probably been to more weddings than anyone in the world. So, I guess another really good segway here is to talk about your upcoming book. So, you got–I’ll just give you the floor. Go ahead.

  • Sure. My new book, Always a bridesmaid for hire, hit shelves February 7th. Available for pre-order now but you know I wrote that book because a lot of times people were asking me, “What’s your wedding horror stories? What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you?” More than that, I wanted to share with people, the things I learned from brides I worked with. A lot of weddings I worked even if they were horror stories are really sweet. I learned a lot of life lessons from getting off a plane, putting on a dress and being bridesmaid for strangers.

    Half of the book talks about my personal love life and some of the crazy things I’ve done to find love. I went to a match maker. I went to get my eggs frozen. My mom, she went on my dating account for me and set up dates for me. It really just shows like what I learned from people who are getting married and what I learned from my own love life which has been just a chaotic mess of all sorts.

  • Seems to me, you kind of got that figured out now though.

  • Yeah, you know, fast forward to a couple of years. Once you’ve done it all and you’ve tried it all, maybe you meet someone but, it hasn’t been so easy before now.

  • So, the book’s called, Always a bridesmaid for hire right? And I’m going to actually in the show notes of this episodes, put a link to it. So, if you want to pre-order that book, you can click on the link at the show notes and you will be able to pre-order it. Now Jen, where can people find you?

  • People can find me on bridesmaidforhire.com, on my Instagram and Twitter at @jenglantz and if they have any questions, yeah, people can definitely email me at [email protected]

  • Yeah, and I wanted to also mention that you are a writer for Elite Daily. At least that’s how we got connected. I think you quoted me and wife in one of your articles and you have a lot of great work there. So, people can read your articles through there and try to think of what else I can promote for you because you are so kind to come onto the show. She also has a blog called, Things I learned, which is amazing. I guess before we go, why don’t you talk a little bit about your blog?

  • Sure. I started The things I learned from, about 6 years ago now as just the home to write about anything and everything going on in my life, very openly and honestly. So, back in the day, I was struggling to find a job, moving out of my parents house, dating, getting rejected and I keep that up even now. Writing about just personal matters happening. My goal with the blog is just to relate to people. Letting people know that no matter what you’re going through, you’re not alone. I just hope this stories inspire people and let people know that they should never ever give up because there’s so much live for and there’s so much to work toward too.

  • Than you so much for coming on the show Jen!

  • Thank you so much for having me Chris. This was so much fun!

		

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Amor

4 thoughts on “What The Professional Bridesmaid Has To Say About Making A Relationship Work”

  1. Emma

    February 4, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I am one of your success stories. I dated a guy for a few months. He started treating me bad. Ditching me etc. I confronted him he dumped me. I did NC, engaged in other activities, dated other guys and when I was starting to move on with a new guy he came back. He said he loved me (he never used the L word before) and he made a mistake because he wasn’t over his ex (of 2 years back) etc. So its just been 4 months since we are back together and I feel like he is really rushing things a little too fast. I mean officially meeting his parents etc was totally fine but now he found an apartment that he wants us to move in in a month. That would just make it 5 months in into the new relationship which is really way too early. His logic is that we already know each other really well for 1.5 years (of which we were apart for 8 months after we broke up) and he doesnt see the problem.

    I decided to sublet my apartment and give it a try but I really feel like this is way too fast. I have to say we already had 2 fights so far and both stemming from the fact that I don’t feel super confident to start getting this serious in the relationship. I have told him several times I am having issues trusting him with so much so fast all of a sudden and I feel like I am starting to annoy him with my trust issues. So I guess my question is is it ok to move faster the second time I try a relationship or is this all going to end in a ship wretch and I should just ask him straight up to slow the whole thing down?

    please let me know
    best
    Emma

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 5, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      Hi Emma,

      the bottomline is you’re not comfortable. Folloe your gut but also, be calm. Be calm when you talk to him, when conveying that not moving doesn’t mean you dont love him. And also ask him, if you don’t move in, does that mean he would love you less?

  2. Lisa

    February 1, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Hi Chris and Amor,
    My no contact is up in 4 days and I will be sending my first text ! Yay Can’t believe the day is finally almost here . I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I read the PRO book and found it very useful and will be following the texting guide. So according to the texting guide, day 2 you should not send any texts . So what happens if he texts me that day ? Do I respond ?! Thanks !

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      you can but make the conversation short and end at high point

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