What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don't Contact You

151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

Molly

March 9, 2020 at 8:52 pm

Hi
My ex broke up with me during a heated drunken argument 3 days ago due to us arguing too much. He has anger issues and we have never had an argument where I am the one initiating and on the front foot, I am always the one in the wrong in his eyes. Since then, he hasn’t contacted me and I have started NC. When will he eventually contact me? I think he is seeing me as the root of all his anger when all I try to do is help him, he blames me for him being angry with other people. Will it just take time for him to miss me and realise what he is doing?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 10, 2020 at 10:24 pm

Molly this guy sounds as if he is gaslighting you where he is blaming you for having issues. If he is not willing to work on his anger then your relationship is going to remain the same, even when he does miss having you in his life and you work on yourself if he still has anger problems, the same issues are going to appear again

Maria

March 9, 2020 at 3:39 pm

Hi, i need help
I was dating this guy for 7 months he said he loved me, but because of my past started questioning his feelings I think i pushed him away! Last week he message me he couldnt go on with me he had a lot of things going on i his family. I dont know what to do I deleted his number and snap because I didn’t want to message him i was really hurt

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:25 pm

Hi Maria if you want to get your ex back then start with No contact and reach ou tat the end of 30 days with a text that Chris suggests

Melissa Eastman

February 22, 2020 at 2:34 pm

Hi! I won’t go into my whole story but my ex and I are taking a bit of a break apart for some clear reasons. I’m worried because I feel like on Instagram, he stopped posting as much on his stories so I worry he was trying to get someone else’s attention and now he did. He still looks at all my stories though. Anyway so he texted me first on Tuesday, this was about 4 days since our fight and it was something very nice and that he was thinking of me. I want it to happen again and I think I’m also being stubborn but I’m not sure how to illicit that text initiation from him again!!!
Michy

February 21, 2020 at 5:13 pm

So my ex reached out to me after 3 months no contact it’s been 4 WEEKS and he hasn’t planned to meet me yet. He says he wants to meet me for a drink and a chat but this hasn’t happened yet.
He has rang me and been texting me. But this week has gone completely dead on me. I reached out and asked if he was alright he said his stressed out with work but his still interested.

Should I back off and see what happens? Not sure why one minute his all over me then the next not planning to see me feeling so confused.
Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 11:51 pm

Hi Michy, I would say that it sounds as if you are too available to him so while you are texting make sure you are dropping out of conversation without warning, and attempt to get some phone calls in there if you can. 4 weeks is not that long in texting phase as everyone has a different development pace. We have clients in our private Facebook group who have been texting their ex making great progress for months and not managed to get a meet up as of yet. Do not rush it

Cindy

February 11, 2020 at 2:41 am

I seriously don’t even know where to begin! Put a comment to answer a confusing question. I’ve been confused for 2 months now. But I’ll give it my best shot at it!
We were mates back in our high school years, after 29 years I finally tracked her down. She has 5 boys, 3 older early 20’s and 2 younger boys aged 11 and 9. One older boy as social anxiety and the younger boy has autism and think younger is seeing signs of seperation anxiety. When she asked for what looked like a break up in her text message, she kept saying see what happens in the future. She mentioned internal struggles and it’s her not me. But I know I had some part in her decision with being needy etc. And we are on a break and maintain a friendship but atm I’m struggling to call it much else. We kept in contact, no-one has blocked each other, no-one knows we are on a break. I was getting that pendulum swing for weeks, she would ask a few times what am I doing, give me a reaction on a photo of me at work. Nothing spectacular, but she hasn’t given one of those since we were together. Always would say good morning by words or by a gif. Fast forward to the weekend I went to visit, I was nervous as hell. Didn’t know how she would be, I was fine for the first day kinda, but she brought up the relationship by saying I want this visit for you to be my friend. And for me after that wasn’t pleasant, come to the day before heading home while alone in her car. I brought up the relationship by asking where did we go wrong, she kept saying it’s her not me. I replied in a calm approach with you can’t sit there and say my pressure didn’t help with your pressure. Now I know she is gay, she was comfortable with being with me in an inimate situation for her first time, we were girlfriends before we got to thst point. She was relieved of telling ppl she was gay and everyone supported her. So after this chat in the car she said out of nowhere I don’t even think I’m gay and I couldn’t say much at all and in my response I said so I guess you are saying I was your experiment and she said she said in away yes. I was gutted and hurt, she has never even suggested she wasn’t. So a few questions also. Could it be a heat of the moment to hurt me for pressuring her with bringing up our relationship? Why does the dumper allowed to bring up relationship and we can’t? After I went home she kept her distance from texting me. Could it be guilt knowing if she never meant it be hurting her knowing her words hurt me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 21, 2020 at 10:46 pm

Hi Cindy it sounds as if your ex isn’t sure what she is feeling so I would recommend that you keep your distance as to not get yourself hurt right now. It seems that she may be confused about her sexuality right now. If you want to get back with her in the future I do suggest you take some time in no contact and then reach out and start texting again to see how the friendship/relationship develops from there.

X

January 9, 2020 at 1:20 pm

Hi guys.
I need some advice. My ex and I recently seen eachother and have been in and out of contact. When we last seen one another, we both expressed how we still loved eachother and it felt like old times, I felt the connection was still there and I know he felt it too. But since then, I’ve noticed he has gone distant, hot and cold and I don’t know what to do. We only talk through Snapchat but we haven’t really had any meaningful talk or even talk about the relationship yet as I felt the last time I seen him it was the right time and I did hold back which I regret because I feel like we won’t see one another again. I know he night be busy with work, but I do feel he has back off and isn’t interested anymore and I’m afarif now I’ve lost him. I thought things were heading in the right direction, taking it all slow as I wanted to make sure we were starting fresh, but I don’t know what to do now. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 8:26 pm

Hey X, if you have been in touch with your ex for more than a few weeks then you can start making suggestions for casual meet up for coffee or something non romantic (for now) and see how that goes. I would also move from SC to a more secure media so you can observe your conversation with your ex to see where you lose his interest as you are supposed to be ending conversations with him, you are supposed to be leaving him wanting more from you. Not you from him

Theresa jayne

January 1, 2020 at 6:25 pm

Hi Chris
I came across your ex boyfriend recovery a few weeks ago I was in a long distance relationship with a man about 23 years younger than me however he made the first move I got a message off of him on a dating site everything was going well for on off 13 weeks I’d say and he sent a last message 12th Dec 2019 I’ll speak to you later
From that day until now I’ve not heard back from himself
A few days looked like he blocked me?
The age gap was big he’s 29 I’m 51 but he video called everyday messaged he seemed mature their was jealousy I’d say few arguments I’m trying very hard to do this NC I have been for 20 days I don’t know what to do I’m worried he’ll do it again 3 times I think he’s stayed out lied to me God knows please help
Being apart from one another doesn’t help making plans for this year that’s gone to pot

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 5:23 am

Hi Theresa it is difficult to deal with this as you have not been given a reason he just stopped talking to you. You need to do a No Contact where you do not reach out and you’re doing well to get to 20 days, if by the time 30 days comes and you are not unblocked you go to 45 working on the Ungettable Girl information on this website, but you may find that it takes some time for him to unblock you which is just forcing you to do a No Contact until you have methods of contacting him again

Moe

December 21, 2019 at 8:11 pm

My recent ex gave me an ultimatum. Take his name and have his 2nd child. He has a 21 year old. I have two children under 12. I won’t take his name, because I’m established professionally and I don’t want to take a 2nd husband’s name. And I have not said I won’t bear children again, just that I don’t feel it’s in the plan. It’s not in my heart now or yet. I’m blessed with the two I have. So we both agreed that we are holding our position and I suggested we end things. We did. It’s been a week and no contact. We were still on social media until yesterday, he removed me, probably because I was responding to other guy’s flirty comments on my posts. Anyways. What is on his mind of the 3 things in this article? Does me want me to contact him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 11:04 pm

Hi Moe so to be hoenst it sounds as if you and your ex want two very different things in life, so it may be time to accept that you are not going to be compatible. Hes going to be hurt and upset that you are getting attention from other people as clearly he imagined a future with you (marriage and child) but you do not want that in your life. There is no middle ground here it seems, not unless one of you is willing to give the other what they want, which can then cause further issues

Christopher

December 20, 2019 at 2:22 pm

I dont know if shes my ex or but she said she needed time and blocked me on everything and I havent not heard from her in 4 days I know she was very angry with me and i deserved it I messed up big time I just need to know if she is done with me or not

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 10:28 pm

Hi Christopher, I would assume if you have not heard from her for the rest of the week then yes it is a break up and take it as time to do a No contact

Chris

December 1, 2019 at 3:53 pm

My ex dumped me Oct 22nd 2019 over a text. We have been together 3 years, we live together and were very much in love. She didn’t pull away at all and the breakup came as a shock. We had sex the night before(passionate) morning of break up told me how much she loved me and kissed me on way to work. I got sick in Nov 2018 and had to take a year off work, we both knew the year wouid be hard financially but it was for the best. I changed during the year off, I got depressed with nothing to do, became insecure, needy and kept failing at everything. Started playing video games alot, gambling, smoking pot again, anything to numb the pain. It was her money i used for all this stuff and my daily cigarette habit. We started drowning in debt, our dog was dying and she has a stessful job with family issues. Lost her mom to alcoholism and brother to suicide. I could tell the last two months she was depressed but i thought it was due to her diet, outside stuff. Never explained break up, Asked if it was someone else and she got very very mad saying if im that blind that just reaffirms her decision. Said she became unhappy, i lost my confidence, not enough intimate interactions, etc. I begged for a month to no avail, moved out. I instantly quit cigarettes, video games, weed and gambling. I hit the gym, put on 15 pounds of muscle and got a great new job. Paying her $800 a month and explained I just got lost with no direction and to give me another chance. I still have a house key, stuff there and some of her stuff. She checks my Facebook stories almost instantly, still has my photos up but blocked me on twitter. Her dad broke his neck 3 days after breakup and is living there now while he recovers. When i ask if we are done, should i give you your stuff back and move on she won’t answer me either way, just avoids me not saying move on or don’t. I think she broke up with situation not me and doubted my ability to change which im proving her wrong. What does this mean, what should i do? I mean we were looking at houses a week before break up, her friends are pushing her to move on but her family still all like me? im confused?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 10:49 pm

Hey Chris so I do suggest giving her some time to work on getting her mental health back to a better place. As it is difficult to go through all you have said above and still be happy. She needs time to heal and she may need therapy too. In that mean time you can do work on yourself so that you are in a better position, so when you speak again she can see the changes you have made and make it more appealing to come back to you because you are able to help, support and love each other as you were before all the negative effects started to take place. I hope your health is much better for you now which would help factor in with the wealth side of your Holy Trinity, Health Wealth and Relationships

Rocehelle

November 26, 2019 at 7:06 pm

Hi. my boyfriend and i basically are not officially over yet. His been sneaky and hanging around with the wrong people and wrong company . i addressed this kind of behaviour with him and he admitted his wrongs and damage he brought into the relationship . he lied and told me he cut contact with those specific people and a week later i had a gut feeling his in contact with them . i confronted him about him and he told he is not in contact them and i told him straight that i know his lying and he ignored me and this was friday . the next day i saw him sneaking around with them and it continued the whole weekend. he texted me and tried to call me the sunday afternoon asking if im okay because he hasnt heard from me . as soon as i wanted to reply i saw the same crew on their way to his house and i replied that he should enjoy his afternoon with them . he replied back “IDK” and i ignored him. its been 3 days since sunday and he hasnt reached out as yet. is there a possibility that he would? and what should i do to make realize how fed up iam. i really want to walk away but i want to give this relationship one last chance. how do i know why his not reaching out and when will he reach out.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 26, 2019 at 10:09 pm

Hi Rochelle there is no way for us to be able to tell you this, however you have expressed how you do not like the company he is keeping and he continues to do so. So if you want to stay with this guy regardless of his actions then you can only keep yourself separate from those people, you can not demand he not see those friends of his as thats not the way relationships work.

Lili

November 17, 2019 at 11:53 am

Hi, me and my ex are studying abroad and in july we broke up, it was matual split and we went back to our countries for summer , when we came back on september he started to send me mixed signals, one day he said he misses me and he is too upset that we coudnt work it out but when i asked to get back he said he still loves me but he is not ready and he is afraid that we again end up by fighting amd break up ,these things lasted for one month so i was kind of getting used to being with him again and this time it ended by me crying and beging to getting back together, then i started no contact phase but after one week he Contacted me , i continued no contact and during it he called me or texted me almost every two days and said he missed me and wants to talk or wants to have a coffee and i sometimes replied not too excited but not too cold, he even asked if im in new realationship amd mentioned that he is still singe .but in last 6 days he suddenly stoped contacting me, yesterday after 27 days i met him accidentally and he said lets talk and he said that he missed me but that was it. We talked freindly about general things and said bye. still he is not contacting me . Im wondering why is he doing this , is he wanna get back or im just his back up plane and if after a while he contacts me again how should i respond?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 11:03 am

Hi lili, so what is happening here you are not completing a full 30 days NC you are just giving in to him when he reaches out with a “I miss you” you should have ignored those messages because he needs to see you are serious about being done unless he says the words “I want to get back together” is where you would respond. When you see him you should focus on what you are doing not about talking to him about the past. If you want him back then you need to do some more reading on this website about the Ungettable girl and how to show this new you to your ex and mututal friends so that he feels he wants you back

Val

October 26, 2019 at 2:55 am

I need your help, it’s a four year relationship that has now been over for 6 months. 6 months of very little to no contact and now silence. He has now lived across country for 2 years, we had a big break up 2 years ago and he moved, we have seen each other after and worked on our relationship but some things we couldn’t agree on. He started changing with me, he was very hot and cold and then one day he just stopped all contact. He blocked me, stopped answering calls, just simply pulled away. I then stopped all contact. His family is very much in contact with me and say he has not moved on since. I’m not sure what happened and why he stopped all contact with me, without explanation. I can’t get him off my mind, everyday I think of him. If a man truly loved you he wouldn’t treat you this way? My thoughts everyday.
Sharr

October 14, 2019 at 12:53 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago saying he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. We were dating for four years. Things weren’t going very well for both of us outside the relationship. We have been in a long distance relationship for about three years and just a month before he broke up with me, he was making plans to meet soon.

A week before the breakup, he told me that he thinks we don’t have a future together due to the long distance stuff. I even convinced him that no such problem would occur and we would have a happy future. The same week , he started ignoring me. When I asked him why he was acting like that, all of a sudden he said he wanted to break up and didn’t have any feelings left towards me. I’m all messed up with different emotions.

He hasn’t contacted me since. Should I go no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 15, 2019 at 7:24 pm

Yes, definitely go into No Contact

Sara

September 22, 2019 at 11:15 pm

Hi Chris,

My bf dumped me earlier this month. He said he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore and he’s not happy with who he is when he’s talking to me. We are both going through stressful situations outside the relationship, and I thought things would get better. This breakup came out of the blue for me, so when it was happening I didn’t know how to process it and I just didn’t say anything. A week later, I texted him my thoughts about our breakup, basically saying he gave up. He never texted me back and I have not heard from him since he broke up with me. Although I know he won’t respond, a big part of me really hopes he does. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up and 1 week of no contact. Should I keep going with no contact or will he actually one day reply back to me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 23, 2019 at 5:00 pm

Hi Sara, so you keep going with NC until the 30 days are up and work solely on your and being your best version of yourself again. Even if your ex doesn’t reach out in that time you can still send a first text. Read, read and read as much of the information as you can. This whole website is full of information for you to know how to do NC properly as well as what to do after its over

Sia

August 24, 2019 at 8:58 am

It’s been exactly 2 months we haven’t interacted and it’s been 1and half months for me not to contact him at all! He broke up with me because we recently found out he has got diabetes type 1 and that is preventing him to be with me. I tried a lot to explain diabetes or not I wanna be with him but he stopped picking my calls, reverting my mails, text anything. In fact I tried helping him in diabetes thing he is not even ready to take that! I am concern and hope is getting dull. I still miss him and I do want to be with him in ya situation but he is just not ready for anything. I feel terrible at the end of all this because my heart is in right place for him but he fails to understand it. Will he ever comeback or realize!
Rose

December 7, 2018 at 8:15 pm

Not sure what to do. My ex and i ended our relationship of 5 years. Its been already about 4 months since the breakup. We lived together and i finally moved out not even a month ago. While we were living together it was not easy, lots of fights, yet we did still kept in contact. Kind of had to. When I moved out there was alot of hard feelings and fights about who gets what etc.., and about 5 days later he went on a business trip for 2 weeks. He has accused me of being with another guy, when I have not, and he has sent some nasty text messages which I did not reply to. I decided to go into no contact, over the course of 2 weeks we did not talk for 10 days. (As I did not reply or answer his calls) they were all negative. Finally he reached out again around day 11. And said he still loves me and he really wants to talk, he called me more than 7 times over the course of 4 days and left voicemails. Said he was sorry with everything has has happened.. then on ththe 5th day he called again and I answered. He says he was so happy i answered and he just wants to talk about us, and start building us up again. (This is all while he has been away) we texted for a while that day, it was all positive. I finally ended the conversation at the peak of it telling him i had to run because i had dinner plans. He said okay and that he would be here if I wanted to talk later. As the night went on I didnt contact him but he texted me at 1 am asking to talk, but i was already in bed and didnt reply…. the next day I guess he got back from his trip and sent a negative message about one of the items I took with me when i moved out (which was mine). I replied kindly about how I didnt want to fight and that what’s done is done. & he sent a bunch of sad faces… and i didnt reply… and I havent heard from him it’s been 3 days later. How would i moved forward. Attempt no contact again, or reach out to him, or wait for him to reach out to me? He did say he still loved me etc… ugh not sure what to do.
Charlotte

October 14, 2018 at 5:48 am

Hi Chris. A lot of your articles have really helped me..so thank you.

My bf and I dated for about 1 year, and just recently broke up at the end of my senior year in college. We’ve been broken up since end of May 2018. I broke up w him bc I was having identity issues and didn’t know who I was becoming as an adult and he still had another year in school. He was soooo heartbroken, and so was I. I regretted it a week later and asked to get back together. He told me to wait a month with no talking to make sure it was something I really wanted to do in the end because he said he couldn’t go through that breakup again. We waited a month and then I contacted him wanting to talk and tell him that it’s def something I wanted, he told me that he still doesn’t know if he wants to get back (I believe, trust issues that I wouldn’t do it again). After a couple weeks, it seems it basically just turned into him saying that he wanted to focus on himself while he’s in school. But sometimes when we’ve FaceTimed, I’ve started crying while talking and telling him how the reasons why I did what I did were fair bc all the pressures of senior year that he is currently feeling is what I was feeling just shortly before him. He’s told me that if we’re meant to be together that it will happen, but he’s glad I’m moving on because he said it would be unfair for me to wait while he’s figuring himself out. To be honest, I really dont want to move on. Our relationship was so so amazing that I see us getting back together to either find out that we’re not meant for each other or that we needed that breakup to grow up Alittle, but it’s the unknowing that scares me. As of now, I told him that I don’t want to talk to him unless he has an intention behind it (i.e. get back together) because it hurts too much. But recently, I’ve been feeling ok with keeping that communication open without pressure because I really enjoy having him in my life (His uncle, grandpa died, parents divorce this year so I know how much he has to deal with already). I hope that keeping that communication open, and when we do talk, working w the chemistry that him and I have together will make it hard for him not to try again or continue talking.

He’s told me that I’m someone he sees himself w in the future but he’s just figuring himself out rn. I’m just not sure if he’s just saying this so he doesn’t have to blatantly tell me that he doesn’t want to get back together or if he’s genuinely confused.

I gave him an example of how my brother and his ex gf are working things out but they didn’t talk for a couple months in the meantime, and he wanted to know how long they went without talking as a benchmark for our relationship.

Do you think there’s any hope? I just don’t know when the timeline is when guys end up missing someone…?

Chris Seiter

October 14, 2018 at 9:27 pm

Hi Charlotte!

I am glad the articles help. Check out the videos and podcasts too! I am sorry your ex hurt you so much. I usually recommend 21 to 45 days for No Contact. Take a look at my home page and you will see I offer several resources that dive deeper into the ex recovery process.

Gabrielle

October 8, 2018 at 7:27 pm

Hi Chris, three months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me and I have been through the process of the pendulum. I really want him back but the thing is I don’t want to contact him. He left me really hurt and broke off with me by text. I just want to know how he feels and I just didn’t get closure and it just really hurts.

Chris Seiter

October 9, 2018 at 12:38 am

I know Gabrielle what you are going thru can feel agonizing. Sometimes, you really never get the closure you hope for. If you aim is to try and get him back, put closure on the backburner and focus on your ex recovery plan which by the way, I suggest you consider the resources I offer to folks!

Emily

October 7, 2018 at 9:57 pm

Hey Chris recently my ex didn’t contact me anymore and yesterday when I call him he told me he misses me and how he wanted to cuddle me and feel me in his arms also he told me he doesn’t want to be friends with me and it’s for the best that he wants to go separate ways with me and he told me that he won’t text me anymore and how he won’t call me. He told me I shouldn’t call him and I feel that he wants to be with me but he doesn’t want to and how he still confused on what he wants but he said to me that he wants to move on and how he wanted me to move on from him completely but I really want him back and let him see that he still want to be with me instead of telling me that he wanted to move on do you have any advice for me to fix this situition he told me if we do we be friends in the future it will happen but I’m not sure if he doesn’t want me back for the moment since he still think about me and have fantasy about me and it shows that he still want to be with me but he the way he told me that he wanted to move on is it just for the moment will he change his mind when he told me he doesn’t want to be with me rn to I want to be with you for the long run should I do no contact but knowing that he won’t contact me if I don’t contact him since he doesn’t want to talk to me and wants to be alone what should I do about this and he didn’t block my number should I still contact him or call him or just leave him alone and let him come to me if he feels like talking to me. Any suggestion or idea I should solve this. Thanks. Should I work on myself and let my ex come to me on his own and let him have time to think if he wants to be with me and let him message me even tho he said he won’t will it change anytime soon. I don’t want us to be completely strangers. Will he come back if I be more independent and not aggressive.

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 10:43 pm

Hi Emily!

So he really does seem confused as he words are all over the place. Its interesting what you said about he may be enthralled still with the “fantasy” of you. Its called having a “fantasy bond”. So maybe he does. Or not. Time will tell. It may be he needs more time to get in touch with his true feelings and realize, after some perspective, your value to him. I think a hard no contact approach is not what you want to do. Better to just pull back…sort of soft no contact. But if he reaches out, be kind, but in no hurry. Take things slow.

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”