What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Hana

March 4, 2020 at 9:10 am

Hi Chris,
We were together a little over one year. He will be leaving the country in April this year. I have shown interest to move with him and even have started looking for work/studies in the place where he will moving to. However he decided, that us will not work when he moves. Almost 3 weeks ago he said this to me and he also said he still wants to be in contact with me as friends. I thanked him for the lovely time spent and said my goodbyes to him and stop contacting. After 3 days of the breakup he contacted me asking how I am doing. I responded politely that I would appreciate distance (this is because I did not want to be in a friend zone). He replied again about my stuff at his house which he would bring over and collect his from mine while I was at work. After this, he wrote to me to ask if I got my stuff safely and thanking for preparing his. I did not contact him after, neither did he. I am planning to do 30 days of no contact, but it makes me nervous if the remaining time will be sufficient for me to connect with him again. I feel I will lose him forever if he leaves. Should I cut short the no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:52 pm

Hi Hana do not cut it short stick with it as it loses effect if you break it too early. Make sure you stick to the process and know that feeling nervous about it is a common feeling but time and time again we have proved No Contact is essential in getting an ex back. In that time you need to work on yourself so that you gain better emotional control

Daniela Salcedo

February 26, 2020 at 10:48 pm

Hello!
My boyfriend and i dated for 4 years and we broke up two weeks ago… The thing is that the breakup was mutual because we both knew there were things that really didn’t like from each other. However it was a friendly breakup and we and up the conversation by saying that we love each other so much. I think was needy and pretty attached to him during the last two years of the relationship and i realized that i need time to see that my life is also good without him. I’ve been during the NC thing for 10 days now and i like being with myself but i really miss him and would be great to know if we could make things work now that i feel better about myself.. My question is, even in this situation of a mutual breakup, is it good for me to reach out first? Does this situation change the NC performance??

Thank u soo much ❤ ❤

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 28, 2020 at 9:47 pm

Hi Daniela no the NC does not change in this situation if you want your ex back. Stick to a 30 day no contact if you want him back.

Astrid

February 26, 2020 at 12:24 pm

Hi there,
My ex and i dated for 6 months. A week before we broke up, we got into an arguement that caused him to break up with me and said “i cannot do this relationship anymore” i then offered to do a break instead and if his mind were to stay the same then he may break up with me without me stopping him. He agreed to it and i had hoped that he would not break up with me but he did, he said that he would not change his mind. AFTER he broke up with me (yes i did beg him, yes i did call multiple times and for that i am guilty) i eventually gave in and accepted the break up. his response ?? “we will meet again” “we will talk again” ” i am sorry for being hard on you, but our timing is just not right” i am literally confused and hurt. i love him dearly but i also respect him. i am officially on day 12 of NC.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 4, 2020 at 10:27 pm

Hey Astrid, so make sure you stick to the rest of your No contact which you need to be focusing on yourself and not your ex. This means being kind to yourself but also doing things to push yourself out of your comfort zone and do things that make you happy but also make you widen your circle with hobbies, socialising with new people, reaching out to old friends etc. Make yourself Ungettable

Nell

February 20, 2020 at 8:28 pm

Hi after dating a guy for 3 months of it being totally one sided I called it off but not before I exploded in a text and basically told him how I felt. He did email back digging into me but I haven’t reached out since. It’s been 4 days of no contact and I feel like I’m losing it. Like I shouldn’t have text at all. I blocked him but noticed he texted the other day (iPhone can’t see the text). Anyways I’m losing my mind Bc I want to apologize for going off but I meant how I felt. Any suggestions. I just want him back. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hi Nell do not apologise for reacting to the break up and harsh woods, keep with your No Contact and leave him to deal with the way you left it as he was not giving he relationship enough effort. Unblocking him is useful for when you want to reach out at the end of your NO Contact however

patricia

February 16, 2020 at 3:14 pm

hi Me and my ex boyfriend been dating for 1year now. we are actually in a LDR. we had a fight last feb 14 valentines day, and it sucks cuz i expect him to do something special cuz not just valentines dag but it is also our anniversary. i feel like i always ask and beg him to do something for me cuz he dont really care about what i feel and he is very insensitive and has a high pride too. i feel dissapointed and frustrated that why i cant hold on to myseld anymore thats why i speak up about what i felt. after i told him what i felt we had a fight and it turns out so wrong so in short we broke up. since then he never contacted me anymore and he block me to all social medias. what should i do now? cuz im being crazy crying and feel sad about it that he dont get what i feel my pain.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 17, 2020 at 10:52 am

Hi Patricia, so you need to follow the no contact rule where you do not speak or reach out to your ex for 30 days minimum and work on yourself so that you are getting yourself through the emotions you feel from the break up and start to make yourself feel better again. Learn what will make you happy in life (without him) and then reach out in 30 days with a text that Chris suggests.

Astasia Girard

February 14, 2020 at 9:28 am

Me and my ex were together for 6 months and we had a dinner with my family the night before we broke up and they were talking about how most people in my family had been together for a short time before marriage and he made a joke about pressuring him. And we laughed it off but his concern was strange bc he asked me to elope with him and move in in 6 more months. He was being weird and when he dropped me off I had been quiet and he asked what was wrong and I told him I felt like I was happier than him. The next day at 11:03 am he sent me some funny videos and at 12:38 pm he sent me a message asking about the trip we had booked for his birthday and said we needed to talk. He told me on the phone that he wasn’t ready for this serious of a relationship and he never really loved me and told me to keep everything I had of his. He does have my insurance cards and he said he’d mail them. I immediately went into no contact and in 7 days it’ll be 48 days and I’m messaging him-6 days after Valentine’s Day. I want to message him about my insurance cards but I’m not sure how to do it. I don’t want it to come off too blunt, ya know? I bought the book but I’m just not sure. I still can’t figure out how to word it and I’m starting to panic.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 5:26 pm

Hi Astasia, so if you want your insurance cards back then you need to ask for them in a separate occasion from when you break your No Contact for your first reach out! Let it fall into conversation during a second / third conversation

Sidney

February 12, 2020 at 10:16 pm

Hey, so my ex and I started dating 6 months ago. In the beginning it was very slow and he we always had issues with him finding time for me. The back ground is that he runs is own business that is fairly new, works 7 days a week, and puts in around 80 hours. Basically never had a day off in our whole relationship. He would choose to spend is down time after work to drink with buddy’s or attend other social events than hanging out with me. Eventually I could not handle to fact that I was putting in all of the effort with none in return due to his life style. We had a mutual mature break up 2 days ago because he felt as if he needed to get his life together and focus on work and his health. He said he felt bad for not being able to give me what I deserved. And he still wants to remain friends. I am turn up inside knowing that this was the best decision but still want to be with him. His birthday is exactly a month away and I have a gift for him. But I want to practice the NC rule. Advise as to what I should do?
Neither one of us have hard feelings for each other. I know our decision was made out of love.

Thank you
Sid

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 11:12 pm

Hi Sidney so if you are following the no contact rule then you should be aware that we do not reach out over birthdays, we do not give gifts to our exes while apart and we do not break the no contact on a birthday. I suggest that you extend the NC to the 45 day period so it passes his birthday celebrations times. It is going to affect him not hearing from you and it will shock him into thinking about you more so make sure your social media is looking positive so he wonders why he cares more about the break up than you do

Julia

February 9, 2020 at 8:58 pm

Hi, Shaunna!
Thank you for this contact.

I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months and after a romantic three-day weekend together, when everything went super fine and he gave me an expensive gift, one week after that, he told me he was super confused about our future.
He is twice my age (I am 24, he is 47) and said he is so afraid I might leave him someday. That he was suffered for love and does not want to hold me back, that soon I will be stuck having to take care of him. He cried a lot.

At first, I did not take this as a break-up. But then he did not respond to my texts the next day, only the next morning. So I asked for a face-to-face conversation. In this conversation, he excused himself for the behavior but enhanced that he was very unsure about us.

Then I said he should take some time to figure out his issues and, meawhile, I was breaking up with him and moving on with my life. I said “I hope I will still be around when you make up your mind”. I thought he would insist that I say, but he just cried and agreed.

Now, I’m in my 3rd day of NC. But I am afraid. What if he just needed to be reassured? What do you think I should do now?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 12, 2020 at 9:27 pm

Hey Julia, you need to stick to a No Contact, and not break it. Work on yourself in that time and make sure you do not reach out or reply to him during no contact as each time you break NC it loses its effectiveness. Even if your ex wanted reassurance the fact that you are no broken up the way back is going to be making some changes. That starts with you and hopefully he makes some positive changes too.

Maja

February 4, 2020 at 8:05 am

Hi, I have a question about still hoping that he would reach out. We were together for 6 years, talking about moving in together and sometimes for months arguing about that topic. Eventually I was tired and under pressure about it so I broke up with him and he was devastated. I understand it now. Since the breakup we haven’t spoken for a month and a half. He even blocked me on social media. I decided to contact him for Christmas and he said that it isn’t a great time to meet because he is angry. I understand. He reached out to wish me happy birthday and I wished happy NY and again haven’t talked to each other for a week. I called him to say that I am truly sorry about how things ended and he suggested for us to meet. We met on Saturday to talk and have a drink. He told me that I hurted him and I was sorry again he told me to read between the lines when I asked why did we meet if he doesn’t want to resolve things. But on other topics in conversation we were doing pretty good like old friends. After 4 hours he walked me home, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and forehead and said he needs peace and that I should find one to. What does that mean?? I haven’t contaced him for 10 days now..will he ever reach out or I lost him forever? What to do?? Is he already over this..he has forgotten about 6 years of us being together and had beautiful times and were happy once? I know in my heart that I hurted him but I am sorry and aware of my mistakes. Why is he so stubborn?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 15, 2020 at 5:38 pm

Hi Maja, I don’t think he is being stubborn or that he is over the break up. It sounds as if he is still hurt by the break up and you need to give him some more time. He is looking for peace, meaning he does not want to be angry with you anymore. I would suggest that you give this program a try, starting with No Contact for at least 30 days, where you work on yourself, and show doing things that show you are more ready for commitment, if he is on social media etc. He is more than likely too scared to get close to you again now as last time you ended things because he wanted to take it to the next step. So if you can find ways to suggest that you are looking to have a more committed relationship this time around

Randi

February 3, 2020 at 9:05 pm

I am so glad that I get to leave this comment, in hopes that someone will answer! My fiancé and I just decided 3 days ago that we need to take a break. Time apart to work on ourselves separately and try to resolve the issues in our relationship with hopes of getting back together. I have only heard from him once since we started this. Not sure if I should maintain a no contact period? Or if I should reach out. I’m trying to respect his needs for space and time to think and heal his mind, he’s been very depressed lately. Any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 6, 2020 at 10:18 pm

Hey Randi, allow your fiance to have this space and time to themselves, and reach out when you have spent maybe 10 days of not speaking. As you are not broken up right now you can attempt to reach out but if a break up does happen then you need to go into a full NO Contact for 30 days minimum

Abby

February 2, 2020 at 11:18 pm

So after two years he broke things off with me. He was pulling away, I told him how I felt and I asked him to talk with me about what he wanted, not an unreasonable request in my view. He said he has too much going on, didn’t want to hurt me, wished me well in my life and pulled the plug completely. We are long distance and he’s blocked me on every form of media/phone (at least he said he has), so I couldn’t communicate with him short of turning up at his house. I didn’t even get to reply to the breakup, it was just a message and he was gone. I am trying to respect his wishes and just move on, though I am hurt. I think he’s stubborn thinking I’ve forced him to leave and really I’d rather have him in my life even if we aren’t together. So the question is will he regret his decision and will he get in contact again. Of course I also think if he could leave so easy did I mean anything to him at all?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:10 pm

Hey Abby blocking you is avoiding the back lash of the way he ended things. Work on the Ungettable articles that Chris has on this website and move past the break up!

Lauren

January 28, 2020 at 10:42 am

Hi, my ex and I dated for 4 mths it was easy and no fights. He started to pull away but our communication was the same for several weeks after we last saw each other he finally told me he had a lot going on with work and kids and was stressed with idea of relationship so wanted to take break until he was ready. I didn’t gnat him and accepted he’s feelings and started NC. I did text 2x simple saying happy holidays which he was cordial and did reply but then restarted 30 day NC, currently on day 28 and haven’t heard from him at all, if he told me he was waiting till he was ready is it simply stubbornness n maybe ignorance lol, should I wait longer or let go?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 31, 2020 at 11:43 pm

Hey Lauren so you need to reach out to your ex using a text that Chris suggests, but if you feel you need longer you can go to 45 days no contact

Jessica

January 27, 2020 at 9:56 pm

Hi , I must say I truly love this article and all of Chris videos❤ . I have a question. I known this guy for 10 years . We starting dating in 2018 , so it’s almost 2 years together. He took me home after 8 months to meet family . Then two months after he asked me officially to be his girlfriend. I said yes.we always hang out and we are very compatible. Months passed and he traveled to his home country , things became a little off after that. After he returned he has been constantly online speaking to someone. We still hung out on weekends, we spent most of the Christmas holidays together, even old years /new years.One very confusing thing is everytime someone would ask us if we are a couple, he would jokingly ask me ” are we even together ” ? It breaks my heart but I ignore it.said to myself I have to do nc. Last time I spoke to him was 16 days ago . I was the last to call him. I haven’t heard from him after that , he is still online constantly… it makes me wonder if he is glad I am out of his life. If after a month of nc he doesnt reach out i may try running into him at our hanging spots . Do you all see hope for me ? Should I do 45 days nc . Will he come back ? Thanks so much

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 1, 2020 at 3:14 pm

Hi Jessica so you have had no real break up just that he has pulled away but the fact he has gone 16 days without speaking to you it shows where he places you in his priorities. So I would continue with your No Contact to day 45 and work on yourself in that time, make sure you are not watching his social media activity either as this does not help you progress. If you want him back, then work the Ungettable girl work and show him what he has lost.

Emily

January 27, 2020 at 10:53 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and lately I have discovered that he has been having an affair for the same amount of time , I broke up with him , and haven’t spoken to him and showed up with another man the next day , he seemed upset but he hasn’t contacted me . I found out he is back with the other woman . Some people are saying that he is scared to contact me . I wanna move on but I don’t know what to feel about everything
Trish

January 26, 2020 at 3:21 am

My partner and I broke up 8 months ago and I broke up with him. I ended up regretting it soon after and showed how it really affected me. After embarrassing myself the first month or so. We both became friends and would still text and see each other and he seemed to flirt a lot and threw a lot of mixed signals at me. Since the new year started we hung out and he drunk called me and expressed some feelings for me. The day after I had a talk with him about how he feels about me and he told me he still cares about me but he wants to take things slow and doesn’t want to force things. Two days after he asked to hang out with me but I made up an excuse to not see him and immediately started no contact. It’s been over a week since and i have not heard from him at all, all he does is keep up with what I post on Snapchat. It still hurts because we had a great relationship and it feels like he doesn’t care about me anymore. What if I continue with NC for 30 days and he still doesn’t contact me? What to do after I reach out to keep up communication between us?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 30, 2020 at 10:05 pm

Hey Trish after your 30 days no contact, you can reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggests

Sune

January 21, 2020 at 8:58 am

Hi! My ex broke up with me after three years od relationship. We were talking after breakup but I was talking its painful for me and I tried cut the contact a few times. Now I’m on the 16th day of NC and on the first 1,2,6,7days of NC he texted and called me but I ignored. Since 8th he didnt do anything and I’m worried because I saw he has his ex With whom he was 5 years ago in recently added friends. Im worry he doesnt care anymore. It was my second NC because I respond him in the first after five days when he said he regrets that we did not spend New Year’s Eve together.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 8:41 pm

Hey Sune, first of WELL DONE YOU! For sticking to No Contact even when he is reaching out to you it is hard to ignore them so the fact you have done this is great and shows your emotional control! Dont worry about the ex he is going to have you on his mind as to why you are not answering him and not talking to him anymore. Even if they are speaking again it is more likely him trying to distract himself from reaching out to you. At the end of your No contact make sure your text is as Chris suggests and remain in emotional control and stick to the process

Tina

January 21, 2020 at 4:41 am

My bf and I have known each other for 2 years and dating about a year and half. He chased me very hard at the beginning. Then about 3-4 months in he broke up with me 6-7 times because he said he was scared I would hurt him. He would text daily still and I would kind of ignore but within a week I’d be back by my initiation to work it out or I’d go somewhere he knew and he would come and we worked it out. I had some personal things going on as well. In February he decided that drinking shots was making him think crazy and agreed not to drink shots anymore. Although he is an alcoholic and drinks beer way too much and it is an issue but never has caused much issue in how he treats me. I know deep that he loves me and I love him. On nye he drank shots and I said this best not cause issues. It did he got jealous of attn others were giving me and got smart mouth. I walked out and went home but he had my stuff. I called him from home and he was exploding and said my belongings were outside. I went to his house and we got in huge yelling match. He was mostly yelling and we were both drunk. He had destroyed his home out of anger and when I went to his room he had his gun out. I got scared and things got even more heated and cops came and got us calmed down and separated. 2 days later he told his mom don’t worry we would work it out that he knew it was cuz of his drinking. The next day I wrote a letter to him that said get help u went to far this time. I want to be with you but u need to agree to get help or I’m not coming back. I know that letter is still sitting in front of his tv in living room and some of my belonging are still there as well. He never liked when I didn’t have stuff there. I’m on day 21 and I haven’t heard from him. I want him back and I want to work with him to have the conversation of my letter face to face. He is very stubborn and I know he is hitting bottle even harder. In this situation do I make contact at some point or is this situation I never make the first move since I gave him that letter telling him how I felt?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 12:38 pm

Hi Tina so I don’t recommend sending a letter to your ex, if you are wanting to get him back then you need to follow the process. Starting with a very solid 45 No contact. Work on yourself in that time and do not speak to your ex at all during this time even if he reaches out to you

Sarah

January 19, 2020 at 9:34 pm

Hello.. i appied the no contact rule and after 22 days my bf approached and send a couple of msgs to talk..though i cmpletely ignored.. he texted me two three times more in the next few days but i did reply …soon after he became dead silent and its been 12 days since he hasnt dropped a single msg… im just puzzled whats in his mind… what should i do…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 19, 2020 at 10:28 pm

Hey Sarah, good for you not replying to his messages!!! That shows real strength, at this point he is taking a step back thinking, she really isnt going to talk to me and is likely worried and angry that you didnt give him what he wanted. The option to speak to you! Keep up the good work!

Lily

January 16, 2020 at 8:08 am

My ex broke up with me 3 wks ago. We were together for more than 6 yrs. He said he doesnt know what he wants in life and he knows that i want marriage(though i am really not pressuring him) and he cant give it to me as he doesnt really know what he wants. We talked 1.5wks after the break up. The last text i got from him is showing concerns. After that, i engaged to no contact. Its been 4 days. I am planning to do no contact for 1 month. But can i still get him back? He said he has a deadline to himself to figure out things by July. Should i wait until then? I really dont want to lose him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 11:46 pm

Hi Lily no dont allow that deadline set for you, you work on yourself and do what comes naturally! Work through this process of course starting with No Contact and reach out at the end of 30 days, but make sure you are doing the work that is required to become Ungettable during your No Contact or it wont have as much of an effect

Jenny

January 10, 2020 at 1:25 am

My ex texted me after 28 days NC. He was super friendly and we had a nice chat. He apologized for being so distant and that he had alot going on. He wanted to know if I would like to meet up for a drink soon and catch up. I agreed, but haven’t heard from him again 🙁 It’s been 3 days. Now what? So confused.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:29 pm

Hey Jenny, so its positive conversation and the outreach that you got from him, now he has asked for a meet up and to see if you were willing to meet. I would NOT reach out to him for at least two weeks, and if it comes to that point I would reach out with a first text like what Chris suggests in his texting articles and not about meeting up. Try not to skip the value chain, which is something else you need to learn about through this website

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2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”