What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Marie

September 9, 2020 at 4:18 pm

Hey,

He broke up with me two and half weeks ago. We’ve been on LDR for over a year and we’re serious. He wanted to marry me, and build a life with me. We saw each other often, but since may not seeing each other because of lockdown. We tried to meet up, but he canceled and said he rather be friends. After that he kept on texting me all the time saying he loves me and if I’m ok. Eventually I did send him a letter to explain how I felt during the relationship and he kept on reaching out asking how I was. I ignored most of it and then two days ago he reached out saying he feels that he’s falling apart and I’m important to him and he doesn’t want to hurt me and then kept on texting me and saying he needs to change his life and also that he wants to call. He said I don’t owe him anything if I don’t want to talk to him he understands. We ended up calling and he was just confused. He said he never loved anyone like me and that he still wants me in his life and keep on talking and that he will always love me but right now he’s on his own and needs to learn to fight his fear to be alone and also worried about future mistakes in regard to his parents and past. He kept on talking normally to me. I told him clearly I can’t be his friend. He repeated how much he would like to see me and wanted to see if he could maybe come visit me. But I don’t know if that is serious. The conversation did hurt me because I know he loves me I love him but he as to work on himself. He asked me how I imagine lift without him but in the same time wants to keep me there. But a relationship now is too soon but he said he isn’t against seeing me again in the future and anything could happen between us. This morning I decided to tell him I needed space to start the NC rule and he said of course. I will take this time to work on myself and enjoy myself, but in your opinion what is happening and what should I expect? I have never been more confused and always thought he is the one. He also has drug problems and needs to solve that. Thank you for clearance

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 1, 2020 at 5:20 pm

Hi Marie, the fact he doesnt want to lose you is showing that when you were not talking to him was working and introducing the fear. I would imagine the same is going to happen when he starts reaching out to you again and wanting to talk to you to see if you are sill “there”. You need to introduce a 45 day no contact while he works on himself, and gives him enough time to realise he misses you and that you are not going to be in his life, as just a friend.

Jessica Rodriguez

August 29, 2020 at 3:02 pm

My ex and I have been in a relationship for two years, it was to the point where I eventually moved in with him for the second year. We ended very suddenly, not on good terms, there was no closure. He broke up with me and decided it was best this way. I reached out to him a week after the breakup regarding my mail that was being sent there, he ended up ignoring my text. I am on day 17 of no contact from him, he hasn’t reached out or anything. I ended up deleting him on all social media figuring he was completely done and decided he wanted to do nothing with me. I’m just looking for some clarity, or reasons why this happened? We both are very stubborn, the relationship ending was very suddenly. His friends mentioned that my ex assumed we were done because I didn’t make the effort to message him after about the breakup, but shouldn’t he be reaching out? Why did he ignore my text?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 7, 2020 at 9:26 pm

Hi Jessica, I can not tell you when your relationship ended – thats impossible. But as for him not replying to your text or the fact he hasnt reached out it sounds more as if he is angry / upset that you didnt chase him. It is a good thing that you are now 17 days into NC and make sure you stick with it to the 30 day mark, avoid talking to his friends about the break up too as this is breaking one of the NC rule.

Fiona Keyes

August 28, 2020 at 6:52 am

Hi Chris
I’m in an unusual situation. I met a guy online last year and we really did get on it was easy and fun ( oh he’s early 70s and I’m early 60s),
The his ex wife found out and moved back close to him they were still sorting out financial mess . ( he had quite a bit of money, I’m seriously not interested in that.)He was a businessman for all his life and married this lady when he was in his early sixties she had two children ) so we decided to leave it as his ex stepdaughters got involved one aged 21 started doing things to cause him a lot of upset and refused to move from what was her home ( it had to be sold). House sold and jan this year he came to see me and we rekindled what we had started . ( he had moved into rented house while he found a new house to buy) Then Covid happened we live about 28 miles apart, so we were calling 3/4 times a day and saw each other only a couple of times.his ex stepdaughter was trying to get him to let her move back with him ( after house sold he sent her to her mothers , think she has a lot of issues) . She kept turning up at his the ex wife was dropping her off always upset and moody. Then she found out we were in contact and has got pregnant with twins (could be one of three men ) and just won’t leave him alone wants money, to live with him Calls through the night when he makes her go home she is at his most of the day everyday I saw him a few weeks ago as we weren’t calling much , it was always me calling
He’s so drained and exhausted she’s keeping the calls up through the night.
I decided to leave him alone no contact for two weeks now as having pressure from me wouldn’t have helped.
What I’m asking because I feel care about him and he asked me to give him time he does want us to carry on is do I stay in contact occasionally txt ( he prefers calls but if she there she throws tantrums, he has been her father for 15 years) or just leave it completely. When I went through bad stuff in my life it was friends that were just there that helped me through.
Thank you for reading this
Fiona
Gloria

August 26, 2020 at 3:24 pm

Hi, so my ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, I am on day 39 of no contact rule and haven’t heard a word from him. We dated for 8 years and the last 2 years have been stressful, we’ve been on and off. So one day we argued and he broke up with me and said not to contact me He will reach out later as friends and I respected it. So we got back after using no contact rule on him but he manipulated me on text and we got back together. we tried tried working it out as friends so that we can date later on but I became too pushy and he said hes done with me. I asked him why he came back he told me he came out of guilt, I was shocked. So after 3 days I contacted him again and he was soo cold. He said he is now happy without me, he doesn’t mind dating another girl, I am a bad person, and it’s my fault I have lost him.i tried begging and pleading but he was cold and said he can never date a needy person. He said we can be friends but never getting back together. The following I was going to hospital and I told him, he was concerned and kept asking my brothers how I was doing but never talked to me. One week later he called my brother to check up on me and he told him not to tell me he had called. 3 weeks later he updated his profile and said some nasty things about me but I ignored and started posting happy pictures of myself. I heard from his sister that he was angry at me and told her never to speak to me since we were close and to delete my number. He even thought I had blocked him and confirmed that I didn’t. He kept on asking the sister for three days if I had called.i really screwed up this time, do I still have a chance and how do I first reach out to him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 10, 2020 at 7:43 pm

Hi Gloria, so make sure that your No contact is from the last tiem you tried to make contact with him and then work on yourself in that time. It is hard to do but there are many articles here to help you and guide you through the process, as is there about sending your first reach out text. Chris explains in many articles and videos of the different types of texts to send an ex after a no contact is complete

Nancy

August 24, 2020 at 1:21 pm

Hi
I was dating this guys for about 4 months. After an argument I got really upset and told I wud call him But we never called each other. After reading this I did the NC and it’s been now 40 days and none of us had called each other. His birthday is coming up in a week. My question is should I call him to wish him a happy birthday or not ? My friends tell me no since he never called me. But I would like the experts to tell me. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 5, 2020 at 9:46 pm

Hey Nancy, we do not suggest that you reach out on their birthdays after a NC. You need to read some more articles about how to reach out after a no contact for the first time

Darian Jeminiany

August 22, 2020 at 7:56 pm

My bf who I truly thought was the one who talked about the whole 9 yards with me n kept talking bout moving in but I didnt hav the means at the time blindsided me an hav me a really confusing bs reason. I did the no contact then initiated contact a couple seperate times n he responded right away n kept the convo going even after I said hav a good night etc… but he wont initiate what do I do??? Also wat does it mean? He moved bout n hour away n has a lot goin on n we still hav pics of each other together on each pthers Facebook??? Help please!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 5, 2020 at 7:30 pm

Hey Darian, so by the sounds of things your ex is talking to you, but you are not ending the conversation at the peak of the conversation. I would suggest that you stop conversations at the peak and then see if he reaches out to you after a few times of doing this, it can be testing on your patience but stick with it and read some articles to help you understand how to follow the texting advice

Micki

July 25, 2020 at 11:36 am

I have an unusual situation. Met this guy 18 months ago, he’s 55 never married, I’m 46 never married. Absolute sparks, love at first sight for both of us (so it seemed) except three issues he told me about immediately. He had been dumped by text earlier that year by the love of his life and was still in love with her, he had been dating someone else for a few months and wasn’t that into it, and he was bicoastal, splitting half the year in CA and the other half in CT (I live in NYC). He wasn’t sure he should be in a relationship with anyone because he was so heartbroken still over his ex. For 3 months we texted all day, spoke multiple times a day, saw each other whenever possible and fell in love. Then he had a major freak out and pulled back–the night I told him I was in love with him. He had been saying it for a month. He never ended it with the other woman he was casually dating and kept asking me to just bear with him, he loved me but couldn’t handle how serious our relationship was. I tried to adjust being “just friends” but we never changed our communication patterns. He went back to CA, still dating the woman he says he doesn’t care about, but texting me all day and calling constantly. I was going to go no contact but ultimately got very sick and came close to losing my job, he begged me to keep him in my life so I did. He was incredibly supportive and wonderful during that time. Over the past year I recovered, got a new job, lost a bunch of weight and feel great. But he hasn’t been so great. He had a major concussion, put on weight, and still never broke up with this other woman, despite the fact they fight constantly. Several times I almost went no contact, including right before Covid happened, but then I was literally alone every day for months and he was a lifeline for me. We got closer during that time, but in my gut I knew I needed a break, the situation with this other woman made me feel highly uncomfortable and there was no room in my life for me to start dating or recovering. We got into a fight about 3 weeks ago and he told me he had never loved me, everything that has gone wrong is my fault and he can’t imagine ever wanting to date me. I hung up on him and immediately went no contact. I was actually relieved he was such a jerk because it made it easier for me to do. He texted me immediately afterwards and said I was immature for hanging up on him. Two days later he texted and said if I wanted to talk and could do it without hanging up on him, he was free for 30 minutes. I didn’t reply. It’s now been 3 weeks and while I have been sad, I am actually doing very well. I am happy and healthy and have been socially active, posting photos on instagram. He has liked all the photos I have posted and watches my Insta stories but otherwise hasn’t reached out. I do feel like I can move on and date other people, but there is still a part of me that really loves him and thinks that despite his bizarre behavior over the past 18 months, that I want to be with him and get back to where we were in the first 6 months, We never tired of talking and texting all day and being each other’s best friend. We never stopped talking about sex, so it wasn’t a friend zone situation. Oh, and I found out that a week before our fight he caught the woman he is dating looking through all our text messages on his phone. I guess I am confused though, I can’t even really take the quiz on whether this is worth it because we were never exclusive. It is long distance, he still hasn’t broken up with this other woman (none of his friends can figure it out either, he avoids spending time with her, doesn’t seem to like her, but won’t end it). When 30 days arrives is this a guy I reach out to? Do I wait 45 days? Or am I just being an idiot and need to wait until he breaks up with this other woman

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 15, 2020 at 2:58 pm

Hi Micki, so yes it needs to be a 45 day No Contact where you focus on yourself and your holy trinity, however as for if you try or not that needs to be your decision. If you can tell yourself to put that to the side for some time and re address if you want to reach out and start following the being there method around day 40 where you can start planning your reach out text. Read articles and understand the program before you reach that point and you will see great results for yourself either way!

Rima

July 11, 2020 at 9:44 am

Hi , i broke up with my bf just to make him miss me , but i messed up so much after telling him that i want ti break up ( because i wanted him to fear losing me ) he said can you please relax and sleep we will talk tomorrow. Then we went silent for two days after two days he messaged me with ( goodnight) we used to send night messages.i replyed with goodnight and I messaged him good morning then next day and he replied. And then silence started . It has been 5 days with no contact , and i want him to message me to get back to him . But he dosent . What shall i do please help me ? Shall i comtact him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 9:31 pm

Hi Rima, Im not sure what advice you are looking for, you told your ex/ boyfriend you wanted to break up but then continued to reply to his messages. I suggest that you decide what it actually is that you want from him. Ending the relationship to make him miss you – what was he doing to make you want to do that in the first place?

Jane

July 8, 2020 at 6:57 pm

Hi!

He (my ex) blocked me on my birthday, 2 days later he texted me a lot, called often and said he was very sorry. I was so sad I just wanted to see him. So two days later (after him constantly texting both mad and sweet messages) I texted we could walk and talk. Since I still was mad, hurt and just confused about what happend, we again got into a fight 2 days later over nothing.
He went home and the next day (Friday) I was blocked everywhere, we were supposed to cook together. He just ended it with nothin. No text, no call, no mail, nothing.

In this rollercoaster week, he first blocked me on my birthday, which just was a painful experience, because it was unavoidable to not care or pretend I did not care. Then an exact week later he just vanished.

Then on Saturday I decided to not contact him. I have not contacted him in any possible way. It is now 34 days and I don’t know what to think or feel anymore about him.

I care/ cared deeply for him. But Nothing.
He also moved in these last days to another city.

In the meantime his friends blocked me ( I do not know these friends particulier well, since they already lived in the other city). But he has blocked/ unblocked me several times the last two weeks.

What to think? Does he care or is this just power play. Another last hurtful thing?
It is beyond logic for me.

Hope to hear what you think.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 8:46 pm

Hey Jane, I would think this blocking you and unblocking you I think he is just trying to get your attention and also checking your social media posts. Which is why it is so important that you are working on yourself during this time, make sure your social media shows you are doing great and are happy in your life. Doing exciting and new things, being social and even looking as if you could be dating someone. Read articles about being Ungettable and apply this as best as you can. As for him getting his friends to block you this is just so that you can not see what he is doing with his own life, which is something I would consider if you want to get him back

Sanchary Pal

June 18, 2020 at 1:38 pm

Thank you for opening up the opportunity to reach out to you for such intense situations.

I am in a very complicated situation, and I will try my best to be eloquent.

I met someone online last year in October for marriage purposes. Since I am from India, arranged marriages are still a thing. Now, he is back in India and I am here in Miami. I went to India in December to meet him and had a good time for 2 weeks. However, after I came back he started having his doubts sometimes due to long-distance, sometimes due to my lifestyle, etc. He never actually gave me a concrete reason for his break up demands but kept telling me he wants to end it as there are many unknown variables. Every time, I used to cry and plead but eventually accept. Then he would call or text the next day to ask how I am. Every time, that happened things went back to normal again where we never spoke about it. This kept happening till last week where we broke up around 4-5 times. Finally last week, he said he cannot do this anymore and he likes someone else and he does not feel for me anymore. I asked him why he led me on and he said because I did not understand his cues. I confronted him saying that you kept texting me after breakups so I got confused. He said he just wanted to check up on me and I misunderstood him and he said won’t check up on me in future. It is to be noted that although I used to initiate the conversations/calls most of the time, there were many times he used to text by himself asking what I am doing, or how is it going, etc. Finally, last week I agreed and accepted the breakup by giving him a call and telling him so. It has been No contact since then, that is 9 days to be precise.

I do want him back but not anymore at the cost of my dignity. Not very sure what to do. I can visit India anytime now but not doing it because I am unsure of the worth. Should I continue no contact or text him? Since, I specifically pointed out his breaches and called him out, I am afraid I closed the door for him to reach out.

Any guidance will be helpful.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 12, 2020 at 10:46 am

Hey Sanchary, if you want to try and get your ex back then you need to follow the program. If he gets into a relationship with someone else in the mean time then your NC needs to be 45 days and then follow the information with the being there method

Denise

June 18, 2020 at 11:32 am

Hi,I left my case month ago,I came with an update. I decided to send after 2 month of NC from another Facebook messenger account i have an accountability letter to my ex for some bad behaviors i had in the relationship and at the breakup,and apologizing because 2 of my friends trash talked to him when he blocked me 3 month ago. He did answer the letter within some hours,he said he understands,that he was OK with it,and he didn’t really felt bad because of what my friends said. I decided to give a try like 4 days later and ask how he was,if he could find a job from home(he was unemployed when everything happened plus quarantined in our country),he did not even open the message,then I tried 1 week and a half later with a video of a topic I know he enjoys and I did a nice comment about the video along with it. It’s almost a week after last message and he has not opened it yet. He has not unblocked me from WhatsApp and my original Messenger either and I know he is still active posting on Facebook so I think I give up. At this point I won’t try anything else,I think if he has not reached out after seeing I am not acting like a needy psycho anymore it’s because maybe he doesn’t really care anymore.
Niki

June 4, 2020 at 5:35 pm

My husband who is very controlling lives in a different country and was being horrible to me 7 months ago saying he would marry someone else, so I told him to go ahead and do it as he says these things frequently to make me jealous.
Then I changed my number and explained to one of his friends what he keeps saying to me and that I was going to do divorce him as he keeps saying these kind of things.
That was 7 months ago and I sent him a text nearly a month ago regarding some of his belongings that I still have and he hasn’t responded to me.
What is the best way forward now?
As I don’t want to try and call him as I didn’t speak to him in 7 months and I’m a bit nervous as he is a very angry person.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 12:37 pm

Hi Niki, it does not sound like this is a healthy marriage. I would consider asking a friend to collect his belongings rather than him and move on with your life

Chantelle

June 2, 2020 at 8:59 am

How do I get advice or councilor to help me ? I broke up with Mh boyfriend after he created an expectation of us seeing each other on the weekend and when I rocked up at his house he told me it was unacceptable to just arrive and asked for space from me, but said it had nothing to do with me.. I got emotional and told him he was self centered and I couldn’t do this game anymore… I don’t know if he wants to be with me or am I wasting my time trying to get him back… I am lost

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 3, 2020 at 9:43 pm

Hey Chantelle, there is the option to have one to one coaching in our products section. Or if you prefer to purchase the ERP Pro you then get access to the Private Facebook Group where a team of moderators will help you through the program along with supportive members going through the same thing as you

lulu

May 28, 2020 at 3:50 pm

me and my ex have been together for 15 yrs in spite hes cheated , lied , and not loyal we have a 15 yr old daughter he got caught by making phone calls to one female after breaking up he chose not to leave and then two months later he moved out I believe he’s still in contact with this women I do love him and want to move on but it hurts and I feel hes moved on he doesn’t contact me at all only one time about my daughter but he does sees her and calls her ( my daughter ) . has he moved on he wanted the no person contact but texting once in awhile ok I just chose no contact in one wk he contact me now it’s 2 wks and nothing he doesn’t look hurt by any of this
Steph

May 26, 2020 at 4:44 pm

Hi there

I was in a very short term relationship with the most incredible high value man.
He is 47, separated for three years and I was his first gf
I am 38.

We texted for the first couple weeks and on our first date he had presented me with a date jar filled with customs dates from previous conversations. He then asked me to be exclusive

Throughout the next 4 weeks we seen each other 2x a week, always looking forward to it and he always brought me flowers.

He had sent some texts throughout the month saying he is overwhelmed with how amazing I am and he is not use to being treated this way. He also sent me one saying he was so blessed to meet me.

The last week we were together he started getting a little cold. But then we hung out and had a large emotional talk about life and such and the next day he texted me saying thanks and that I was so stable and he was jealous of my headspace. He said he had been stuggling with a lot of life decisions and I always make him feel better and he the talk was special to him.

Only a few short days later he broke it off. Saying he is mentally stuggling for the past week and his anxiety is kicked in. He said there is a few things about his past relationships he hasn’t told me, that he has to listen to his heart and that he has to get through this mental struggle lone wolf style.

We had never argued, never been in a disagreement. Even the week prior he said to me he wanted to meet my teen son because it is an eventuality becuase he had certainly known we will be together in the future.

It was like a light switch happened to him out of no where with no proviking or arguments.

I’m so lost

The questions is, could he have just became instantly not attracted to me anymore? Or is it really depression?

That aside. It has been one week. I have had zero contact from him or to him as I want to respect his space and I want him to heal.

Is there a way of approaching the first text after no-contact a certain way based on break ups due to depression?

When we met and the first 5 weeks there was zero signs of depression. Only that he was a stable man. Perhaps depression was an excuse and if so, and it was just he is not interested, have you seen success stories where men can become interested again?

Thanks a bundle for your time.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 12, 2020 at 9:24 pm

Hi Steph, so yes there is way to come back from this if it is his depression/anxiety that is making him feel that he needs to be alone. It does show that he is wanting to work on himself. The one thing you need to keep in mind that he is not “higher value” than you. So do not put him on that pedestal. Work on your Ungettable and focus on yourself for the time being especially during your NC

Marie

May 24, 2020 at 5:37 pm

My ex and I were together almost 3 years but we had known each other for about 4 years prior to getting together. When I say he chased my down and courted me old school style I mean it! It was amazing! And our relationship was so fruitful! We were always so kind to each other and supportive and many of our friends and my family would make jokes about being jealous because of the genuine love we shared. Which is true. Now, you should know he is younger than me. I am 27 and he is 22. It was originally a huge thing for me to where I didn’t take him seriously, but he proved me all sorts of wrong. I’ve never had a connection like I had with him. Once I got over the age difference, I thought it was okay. But his mother never liked the idea of me being older than him and she refused to get to know me. I only met her once and she tried to pay me to break up with him. No. Lie. That was in our first 3 months together. Years have passed since and we’ve dealt with family issues—mostly his mom. But my family loves him and he made it very clear to his mother that he fully intended to have me in his life. Well, I broke up with him in March. Why? Because he started to become very unsure about me in his life and what he wanted. We took a “break” before where we talked twice a week so he could clear his mind, but he regretted it immediately. And we got back together 3 weeks later. He came begging for me back. Well, he wanted to do the break again, and I’m not okay with that! How many more times will he need to do it? I deserve a man who can come to me when he feels the world is overwhelming! Not keep me out too! He started saying he didn’t want long distance anymore (6hrs apart and we saw each other twice a month and spent the summers together in the same city), and we already had a plan to be in the same city when he graduated. Well, he told me one day that he thought it was all so much pressure because one of us would have to move. I was okay with moving but he said he felt guilty having a decision he makes(where to go to medical school) to impact me so much. Because I would essentially uproot my life to be with him. You should know he has been battling self worth, anxiety, and depression since I’ve known him. I love him so so much. I just couldn’t stand to hear him go from being so certain about us and our future to saying “if we are still together.” Are you kidding me? And his moods got to be so bad that not only did I feel like I couldn’t help him (which is something I had always been able to do naturally), but he began to make me feel like I was adding to his burdens by trying to cheer him up. So I let him go!

We’ve been in touch since then like 2-3 times a week, but I started no contact for my heart and because we got into a small emotionally charged discussion where I told him I wanted him back and asked if he saw a future for us and he said No, I don’t think so. But then apologized and said how much he was hurting and wished he could take my pain away and that he knows I must hate him but he still loves me and he’s trying to work through it all. I asked to see him and he said he couldn’t handle that. He says he wants to see each other when we are both ready.

I don’t know what this means. He’s my best friend. I’m doing no contact on day 13. I tried and failed the first time because he messaged me 4 days into it and I responded and that’s when the blow out happened.

I know he needs space. I’m trying not to freak out. What if he doesn’t contact me during this 30 days. I’m trying to respect his time and tend to myself. Would I be hurting my chances if I reach out after 30 days seeing as he said he is not ready to see me? Should I do 45? I took the quiz. My results are in the 83%. I’m so worried. I know there is much more to life than him, than any one person, and I’m amazing and have a TON going for me. I would just rather share my life with him. We were talking about marriage and kids and the institutions we would build together, all conversations he started!

We did end amicably the first time and then again before no contact round 2. I’m lookin back through the messages and it’s actually very nice. He said he wants to see me again, but thought I would never want to see him again. Why would he think that? I love him. Okay, I’m done rambling. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 15, 2020 at 1:10 pm

Hi Marie, yes I would suggest that you follow the 45 day No Contact at this point. I think when it comes to reaching out again, you need to focus on the things that he finds interesting and exciting. Talk of things that you would like to do that you know he has mentioned he would be doing. You need to make the possibility of being with you more exciting. Where your relationship had reached a point of being stable and predictable.

Ellie

May 21, 2020 at 12:13 pm

Hi there,

I am currently on day 10 on NC and it is killing me – I will keep it up however. My bf broke up with me totally out of the blue, he said that he didn’t feel “fire” about us anymore and can’t see a future with me. I did pleased and beg for him after he did it but since then I have started the NC rule. He has not contacted me however. We live together at uni and I will be returning on 8th June – day 27 of NC – and I’m unsure how to act! I was going to try to be very calm and kind. I’ll hug him when I see him, but not notify him that I’m coming – we have mutual friend/flat mates who can do this for him! I was going to try to be as ‘fine’ as possible and try to become the “unattainable girl”. As it stands, I think he thinks he can pick me up and throw me away whenever he wants – as if I am at his disposal. So I am determine to show him that he cannot do this and that I am very valuable and deserve respect. I’m needing advice on how to best act/what conversations to have when I am face to face with him again – this will be on day 27 of NC!
Denise

May 17, 2020 at 8:04 pm

Hi,my ex broke up with me 5 month ago. I went on NC the first month and then I reached out because I was missing him too much and we started talking again but my anxiety grew up and I started acting needy and clingy,he stopped replying the messages and then he sent one explaining that I was being too needy and intense and he was overwhelmed and reminded me the stress factor because of my insecurities and all that drama were the reasons for the breakup and mentioned he did not want to talk to me and wanted me to leave him alone,then he blocked me on WhatsApp and Messenger. I had a mental breakdown after that and told that to 2 of my friends who couldn’t see the situation on an objective way and they decided without telling me to message my ex through Messenger with tons of diminishing and judgemental comments and I knew about it after they did so because they sent me what they said to him.I couldn’t stand it and I apologized for that inconvenience with my ex through a text phone message and that’s it,but I don’t know what to do now, It’s been 1 month and a half since he blocked me,I decided to respect his space and stop reaching out as I used to do at the beginning but I am afraid to do it now because 1-He broke up with me,2-He said he didn’t want to talk to me and I don’t want to screw it up more. I don’t know if I should wait more for him to do so, or if I should just give up. On this NC I’ve been working on my insecurities,anxiety and detachment(I was too dependent) to avoid same mistakes and avoid hurting myself and other people, I keep posting on my Facebook as usual avoiding sad and indirect posts, it doesn’t feel like I am dying now and I’m learning to enjoy my time alone but I’d like to have a resolution one day. What’s do you suggest?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 3, 2020 at 10:31 pm

Hey Denise, complete your NC to the end and prepare your first text! It is great that you have been working on yourself during that time giving that you are going to have emotional control when you start talking to your ex again is key to show him you are a stronger person this time around

Liz

May 15, 2020 at 8:38 pm

I (40f) was fwb with a guy (31) for 3 years. We met monthly (live 2 hours apart), went for dinner, drinks, stayed in a nice hotel & spent the following day together.
I liked him from the start, but both agreed we didn’t want a relationship with anybody. We really clicked and could talk about everything and anything. The last 8/9 months, we have spent more time together. He started acting like a boyfriend. I was delighted.
A few months ago, he told me he wanted a relationship, it came as a surprise but I was happy to agree. Then…covid! We since got to meet up and he told me he wanted a long term relationship, marry, buy a home, children etc .
Problem was he always thought I was 35 or 36. I then told him I had turned 40 a few days ago. Immediately he changed. He said now he couldn’t do a relationship.
I was very upset and apologised profusely. Told him the age gap didn’t have to be a problem, told him I loved him and it could work given the chemistry and how well we get on. He said nicely, he cannot commit and doesn’t want to hurt me. I did message him a few days after to see if we could meet up. He hasn’t replied. He can bd stubborn at times.
Is the age gap too much? Should I forget about him when all I can do is think about him and want him back. I really think we could have a future together.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 30, 2020 at 10:45 am

Hi Liz, everyone has a different view on age gaps, some are fine with it some think that there is a limit. However it sounds as if your ex is starting to think about settling down. If you want to try and get him back then I suggest that you follow a No Contact and reach out after 30 days and see if you can re connect

Gift

May 11, 2020 at 5:17 pm

my ex boyfriend is a medical doctor who currently works in Dubai and I stay here in Nigeria, he initiated the breakup and ever since then have been acting desperate. I made a portrait for him on his birthday,he was not really excited about it,he told me that I was actually disturbing him,in this case will no contact rule have effect on such a person.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 11, 2020 at 9:57 pm

Hey there, you would need to do a 45 day NC and not make such moves as this as it is a gesture (as kind as you think it is) that is going to push him further away. You need to make your ex think that you are focused on moving on at the moment, read about the Holy Trinity and focus on yourself for the time being

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