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2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

  1. Me

    February 23, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    I talked to my ex on Facebook this morning about all the good memories we had and how much I missed them trying to highlight points in our relationship and then he got mad and blocked me. 3 hours later he unblocked me but didn’t add me back. My friend messaged me asking if I had seen his status and it had said “How am I gonna be an optimist about this?” from the song Pompeii, and he had liked the song “Let Her Go” by Passenger on Youtube like 10 minutes later. What does his activity on Facebook and Youtube mean? He never writes statuses, especially about love (and I know the status isn’t about anything else). And yes he is the type of person to go on Youtube and sit and cry to songs and then like them afterwards.

  2. Grace

    February 23, 2014 at 4:22 am

    Hi Chris!

    (My ex and I broke up after a huge fight about 3 months ago, He decided he wanted us to be friends after the breakup. So we kept in touch but argued alot over the break up)
    I decided to initiate the NC because I made the BIG MISTAKE of sleeping with me Ex I’m on day 20 of NC and still haven’t heard from him, But before I started NC I sent a text telling him I needed my space to focus on myself. What could be his reason for not contacting me? Is it that he’s a JERK, who really dosen’t have feelings for me and only wanted me around for sex? Or is he staying away because of what I said?

    1. admin

      February 24, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Ya that was a big mistake. You cheated on him 🙁 .

    2. Christine

      April 8, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      It sounds like she meant she slept with the same ex she did the NC with post break up. It’s all one guy not two. Since they aren’t dating anymore she feels used, and she initiated NC. I don’t think she meant she slept with another guy.

  3. annonymous

    February 23, 2014 at 12:35 am

    My by and I broke up mid Dec. We were together 3yrs and he lived with me the last yr and a half. He has 4kids we were all very happy. He asked for space to deal with some issues. We are both divorced, me 4yrs and him 3yrs. His marriage was very abusive, him being the one that was abused. I had a yr of doing what I wanted when I wanted and not answering to anyone, he didn’t have that since we were together as soon as he was divorced. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We each said neither of us knew what love was until we got together. We were best friends, finished each others sentences, know what the other is thinking…. well when he asked for space I kept pushing and did become the text and csll gnat…especially once he started talking with another girl and doing things with her but lying to me about it. He keeps saying they are only friends and tells anyone who asks the same thing. He has mentioned her to his kids but says his friend. He is doing the same thing he would get very upset with his ex wife for. This girl is trying very hard to befriend his oldest daughter who is 11 and acts like a woman straight out of the bachelor or other stupid reality show. She actually contacted me because I exposed some of her lies to my ex. I only did this because she was lying about me and something very childish and mean she had done to me.

    He keeps telling me he still loves me, misses me. We got a dog together so I have to contact him if I ever want to see the dog. Well I started NC 3 days ago and on day 1 he sent me a song to listen too. We would always send each other songs that reminded us of each other. Or he’d do it of we ever argued or if he did something wrong, it was his way of saying sorry. He sent me the song “the days that we die” by Loudon Wainwright. I’m not sure how to take this song. It talks about how we’ll never change but then also says he wants to change but doesn’t know how but we need to change he can see that now. I did not respond. On day 2 he stopped by my house as my parents were here and was going to plow my snow. I was sleeping because I had worked a double shift and had to go back in a few hrs. He also put air in my vehicle tire, talked with my parents a little and hugged my mom. My parents know all of what is going on with he and I and both our families are hurt by us not together.

    So my question is why is he doing this?? He hasn’t text since he sent that song but has stopped by. Do I contact him and say thank you for filling my filling my tire or keep with the no contact.

    1. admin

      February 24, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      How long have you been in NC so far?

    2. annonymous

      February 25, 2014 at 5:46 am

      It was 4 days and the whole song thing really had me baffled and I caved and text him. He did text me back and then ended up calling me. And again I answered and we talked for over an hr. I had to see him this evening because we had a refresher training together but I kept the contact limited. He did text me a few times during it and he had our dog with him in the truck so after our training he said his truck was unlocked if I wanted to go see my puppy. I did stop texting and let the last text be from him. I was worried about him when he sent the song because he can get depressed and really down. I’m a softy and try to help anyone if they are like that. He told me the night he sent the song he was having a very rough night and weak moment. He apologized because he’s the one that asked for space. I know I need to be stronger with the NC and stick with it more than 4 days when he texts, calls or stops by.

    3. annonymous

      February 25, 2014 at 5:49 am

      And I thought to myself this new girl must not be doing the trick if he’s reaching out to me when he’s upset. I’m sure he does with her as well but if it was working with her then why contact me, right??

    4. annonymous

      February 23, 2014 at 6:20 am

      I should also say that even after he and the kids moved out we did spend Christmas together. I went to his place and had dinner with them. He had asked if we could all go sledding along with my sister and her family. After sledding we went all went to my parents house. I have many nieces and nephews so his kids fit in very well. They all miss seeing each other and his oldest daughter who is 11 and my oldest niece who is13 still talk and message each other. It wasn’t until the end of January that he started talking with this new girl who is 8yrs younger than him.

      I did text him and thank him for filling my tire because I don’t want to seem ungrateful or have him think my parents didn’t tell me. He didn’t reply back which didn’t really surprise me. This new girl is doing everything and anything to try and get to me. She will make comments on social media on his oldest daughters things and normally happens when I like the pic she posted. This new girl will like it after the fact and make a comment which I predicted she would do. Or she will like and comment on pics of his daughter and her friends and be the only adult to do so. I only comment if it’s family type pics and the ones of her and her other 11yr old friends I don’t no matter how cute they are because that’s between her and her friends. She doesn’t need an adult commenting on it acting like a teenager. I keep hoping it will backfire on this new girl but more worried about the effect on the kids. I do love them as my own and even though they all knew me since they were born, it was still 4-5months into our relationship until I was around them. We wanted to make sure we’d be together before bringing them into it. Seems he’s not real concerned with that this time around. I keep hoping to that she is a rebound because there’s a lot that says she is but still worries me.

  4. Stephanie

    February 22, 2014 at 4:39 am

    I’ve been reading everything you have wrote. Im currently 9 days in on the NC rule. Recently found out my ex has a new girlfriend. I wish I would have read this before I turned into a total basket case! My ex considered me the strong one and I emmidiatly became the pathetic one. Crying and begging. So pitiful. Im banking on his new lady is a rebound. He has literally burst into tears around her cause he missed me. I have always wanted to work things out but I wanted to make we were both in a better place. Its a long story. This will be the longest we have gone without speaking in 4 years. Anyways. Being pathetic did not help me at all. I was rejected.! No contact is hard. I do hope he misses and thinks about me. Of course he hasn’t tried contacting me either..guess time will tell.

    1. admin

      February 22, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      She does sound reboundish doesn’t she.

    2. Stephanie

      February 22, 2014 at 7:43 pm

      Thanks for your one sentence reply. Such great words of encouragement. Makes me want rush out and buy your book.

    3. admin

      February 24, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      Hahahaha what a sassy response. But let me ask you something. Lets say 300 people messaged you a day and you wanted to help them all out but doing so properly would literally require 5 hours of your time. Do you think you could set aside 5 hours every single day to help people and put your entire life on hold for them?

    4. Stephanie

      February 28, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      Now see! That’s a response!! Thank you for your reply. I appriciate the free advice and in site you give us desperate ladies. You give us hope 🙂

  5. Help!??

    February 22, 2014 at 2:41 am

    Hey Chris,
    I just have a few questions…
    Can you get an ex back if it feels like he is no longer instrested?
    Can you get him back if you feel there is someone else?
    Is it normal to be afraid to contact him again? I mean I just don’t wanna be ignored I feel like I’m losing him chris, please help!! Thanks so much

  6. Annonymous

    February 21, 2014 at 11:58 pm

    Hey Chris! Thanks for answering all my questions! I have yet another one. So will the NC work as well if no contact was actually suggested by my ex a few days after we broke up?

  7. Mariam

    February 21, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Hi Chris!
    Before i start i just want to say that i have been together with this Guy for almost a year, things between us were great, we had Always fun,, But he was Always a bit Off.. because he has intimacy issues (which we never discussed n i ddnt Think of it until after thé “break up”) .. So during New years i was in Dubai n he was in netherlands on vacation.. when we got back to Sweden, he told me he was busy with School Cuz he was Behind in some subjects and i understood him.. until it had gone 1,5 months n i couldnt do it anymore i Missed him & i wanted to see him.. i got Mad n told him & he Said he would make time for me .. few Days passed n still.. So i got pissed (i was feeling a bit insecure, i thought Maybe it was some other Girl (he has alot of female friends).. he got really scared he hasnt Seen me that Mad b4 so he Said we were not together.. a few Days later i invited him Home to me .. n we were chilling & Then i brought thé subject up.. he was like i was Mad Thats y i Said these things i didnt mean it.. we can still be together BUT Without kissing (we dont do sex) .. i told him Thats thé same as Being friends he Said no.. thé Point is he kind of Said he had intimacy issues both emotional n physics n trust issues.. n he was afraid of going to Deep.. i gave him an ultimatum i Said Either we are together or nthn .. he was stubborn n at thé End i couldnt say it was over so i told him i would Think about it .. he Said he would Contact me.. for me it felt like we had broken up But i just couldnt help it so i came accros ur page n i have been on thé NC rule for now 14 days.. Im a bit Lost, a Little hopeless since he didnt text me.. Im also trying to figure out if i should give him Another try now that i know he has intimacy issues, i just didnt know how to handle thé situation last time.. we love each other even though he doesnt express his feelings for me that often .. i dont even know what Im trying to say here But Thanks alot exboyfriendrecovery/Chris has been a big support and thanks for Reading my comment (if u came this far) have a Good day 🙂

    1. admin

      February 22, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      So, you are only about halfway through the NC period?

  8. Madison

    February 21, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Hey Chris

    I was wondering if I should delete my ex-boyfriend as a friend on any social networks?

  9. Sera

    February 21, 2014 at 3:29 am

    Before I can make an investment, I need to know if there is a chance this program really works. My boyfriend and I broke up four days ago and I haven’t contacted him at all however, he sent me a message today which devastated me. He repeatedly said he was sorry for the way he treated me, being a jerk, not ending it earlier, ect, and thanking me for all the memories and that’s it. I was heartbroken that he didn’t say he wanted me back only clearing his Conscience cause he was feeling guilty. I don’t know what to think of his text. Should I just text back “your welcome” and be done with him or ignore him for 30 days? Is it even worth it?

    1. admin

      February 21, 2014 at 6:22 pm

      Thats a guarantee you will never have though. Nothing when it comes to this stuff works 100% of the time. However, you might want to check out a few of the success stories.

  10. Help

    February 21, 2014 at 12:38 am

    I’m 56 days into NC. I’m scared chris of contacting my ex. We were together for a short while but after he broke up with me I kept seeing him but he never wanted to commit. It drove me crazy and this is the second time I’ve implemented NC. He tried to contact me the first 4 days of NC but then stopped. We ‘officially’ broke up in may 13. Since then he’s been dating and meeting other girls. I’ve heard he’s dating someone at the moment. I know ur message is take a chance but I guess my hearts still a little fragile. I just don’t want to contact him only to be rejected like I rejected him the first 4 days of NC. Should i give up chris?

    1. admin

      February 21, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      Well, you are going to have to contact him eventually if you want him back.

  11. Sofia

    February 20, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    For some strage reason he still follows me on twitter.
    So in your experience… do exes always contact you back? because he told me ‘I swear to God this is the last time I write you’ and blocked me.
    what’s your opinion on such a drastic statement?

  12. L

    February 20, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    Honestly, I respect your opinion on this, but I do disagree. I think if a man doesn’t contact you in that time, chances are he doesn’t want to…it’s time for those women to move on.

    1. admin

      February 21, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      Well, I respect your opinion too.

  13. lisa

    February 20, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Ex broke up with me over 2 months ago both in our senior/last year of high school now his reason to break up with me was because he just wasnt that into me/ he didnt love me and he just wasnt feeling the sparks.. after we had dated for almost 2 months ”its not you its me” was his excuses.. We have spoken a few times but i decided to go into no contact properly after seeing this website and it has been 3 weeks and he hasnt contacted me yet anyways i was just wanting to know your thoughts on his reasons for the break up and whether i do have a chance with him again because i still am so confused by the whole thing and i cant help think about it everyday for the past 2 months..

  14. Thalya

    February 20, 2014 at 4:42 am

    Hola Chris!

    So I am very surprise in all that I’ve been reading and I must say I can agree with so much of it.
    My ex and I have been broken up for a month now and we haven’t contacted each other since then. He broke up with me after a bad fight because he felt like I was being selfish and all I care about was myself after I said something I shouldn’t of. He had recently lost a friend from cancer and I felt him distant since then. Our relationship has been up and down since it started. I was going through a rough depression of resentment towards my dad that I took most of my anger at my ex and we argue a lot. After I decided to get help for my depression, I was starting to move forward and keep our relationship positive but he always felt like I wasn’t going to change. I felt like I was trying much to prove that even though it does take time to change, I WAS moving forward and had such great things hoping for us to happen but I can tell he wasn’t believing that. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to just move past our rough patch but I was doing all that I can to keep going. It was going good till that night after the arguement, we hung up very upset. I thought, okay let’s cool off and we’ll work it out but to my surprise the next day, I go broken hearted. He broke up with me in a way I wasn’t expecting to. He was….cold in some way. I knew his reasons but what I did not get is why did he have to walk away so fast. After this whole month of thinking, I realize that we did needed this seperation but I do miss him a lot. I read almost every blog section here and I am determine to get him back in a much healthier way. I restore my faith with God after months of work and I feel more focus and well after this. I know it is too soon but I would like to get your input on this Chris. Close friends and family tell me to give it time and I am, not like am desperate, but I know what we have is this extraordinary love connection that just works. Yeah we have rough patches that seem bad but without those, we wouldn’t see what each are capable of because we all struggle in life, wether is good or bad. I know him and I work, we are too good to throw a something so great away. everybody saw it, my family, his family, friends, even strangers…we just need that…push I think to just make it work. What do you think? I can say he is a stubborn kind of guy though…thats why he hasn’t contacted me since….nor have I even bother, even though I have had moments but I control my emotions not to do something I could regret.

    1. admin

      February 20, 2014 at 7:47 pm

      Ya… I think you have a good reason for wanting him back. What about him and you did you feel worked so great?

    2. Thalya

      February 20, 2014 at 10:24 pm

      I do feel like it worked great, that’s my own opinion of course. I can’t speak for him but I know we were comfortable with each other, we goof around, love to watch movies, had a great ummm …intimacy together and we understood each other. He was there when I needed him to and he was the same but after his friend passed away, I felt him closed up. His sister told me that he is lost and needs to find his way and I understood that. He was going through stress with work, money problems, and his son’s mom as well. I knew that our argument was just enough for him to throw in the towel but I feel in my heart that we are not over yet. We have so much to give and I know we can, I keep faith and hope in the hands of God and today I seen him drive by while I was heading to the store. I felt like that was a sign, that’s just me. In your opinion as what you read, do you think there’s still hope there?

    3. Thalya

      February 20, 2014 at 6:31 am

      Woah, so I posted on my FB how comfortable I am now on my new job, since I was having a hard time adjusting there and put that I was feeling wonderful. about 30 mins later he posted he was feeling determined …he usually doesn’t post on his FB, only shares articles but this determined feeling….am confuse. I don’t want to put much thought into it but is this him showing a sign? what do you think Chris…I asked my friend and she said it could be that he’s showing attention now that you are showing some happiness but no sure…

  15. honey

    February 19, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Once again: what do I do if he blocked me the whole 30 days of my nc period? I am at the 28 days of active nc!!!!He didn’t reached out to me yet nor unblocked me! 🙁 I know he loves me but cuz of certain circumstances he had to let me go…even tho he didnt really wanted the break up. what can i do if he doesn’t want to talk. I cannot just push the door if he stands behind it, keeping it closed on the other side! Before he made this hard decision, he firstly wanted to marry me. But as i said some extreme circumstances forced him to let me go! :-(;what do i do???

    1. honey

      February 20, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      Btw he blocked me from any chat so I cant even text him!!! My Intuition says just leave him alone until he unblocks you (that means that he opens the channel again) but as long as he’s not unblocking me its like stalking if someone doesn’t want any contact right now. Please correct me if I’m wrong!
      I just got this feeling like i couldn’t move anything writing emails or calling because I already know, he wont answer anyway!
      If I keep on trying then he will shut down even more I’m afraid! 🙁 So what do you recommend? Keeping the nc rule another month???

  16. lexy

    February 19, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    One quick question. When I decide to contact him and if he asks me to grab a coffee.. what is the best thing to say? Something like: Sure, let me know when you are free; or: Sure, i will let you know when I am free next week or more like: maybe, text me sometime next week… or? I don’t want to seem too eager or too prima donna-ish:D

    1. admin

      February 20, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      I will let you know when I am free. Do things on your terms.

  17. Valarie

    February 19, 2014 at 3:13 am

    I’ve kinda gotten to the point where I’m over him. I did stupid stuff at the end, and I’ve left him alone. I did send one message right at 30 days apologizing for my actions and got no reply. It’s been about three months, so I’m fairly sure he just wasn’t that into me after all. He has not once not acted me since the break up. He broke up with me via text message also. Not a good sign of character. Is it bad that I just want to know he’s ok, and that I’m fine and better than ever? But I don’t want him back.

    1. admin

      February 19, 2014 at 7:23 pm

      No its not bad but I think you should have tried a better text instead of apologizing.

    2. Valarie

      February 20, 2014 at 12:56 am

      Ok. Honestly I’m over him. I can really get this part now though, but I’m ready to move on. I made my mistakes, and I’ve aplogized. Now I am going to move on the bigger and better things. I wish him all the luck, but I know I deserve better than him.

  18. Taryn

    February 18, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    I’m on day 15 of NC.

    Haha nice! This is good to know. Because, as I’ve said on another post, my boyfriend and I broke up before and I went about it wrong last time. He kept texting me during NC and I texts back. And that hugely affected how the rest of our relationship panned out. He had the power.

    Anyways, this time I’m doing 30 days NC and he only contacted me the day after he broke up with me. He sent a “?”. Lol which I thought was funny… because the day before he said he was deleting my number and needed to separate himself to achieve his goals blah blah. So I thought it was funny that he texts me the next day. Why should he care what I have to say of he was deleting my number? So I ignored it. That was day 1 of NC. Yay!

    He hasn’t texts me since then. Our break up was not about anything negative. He’s just a poo and wanted space. Wellllll, he has 30 days of space now. But it was weird because before get broke up with me, he was planning to move our relationship forward. Even talked about kids. I didn’t bring it up. He did Lol. So the break up made no sense. Unless he was rubber banding.

    I would say that my guy is the stubborn one for sure. But it’s nice to feel like I have power right now. I would love it if he would text me again, but it’s okay if he doesn’t, because I can still get him back either way.

    I feel confident and want to do this right this time. Build on a solid foundation and take it slow.

  19. Jordan

    February 18, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    What happens if you only dated for three months? I know that’s short and all– but I’ve never felt this way about a man before. All his friends said how they had never seen him so happy and how I was their fav girl he’s ever dated. It was a LDR, I put a lot of effort into it, I had even begun looking into relocating. I thought this was a safe bet bc his last relationship was 13 yrs long. I loved his kids and his family. He broke up with me and then two days into it he sent me a text. He said his reasoning for breaking up with me is bc he’s going thru financial struggles and He can’t provide for me like he wants to. I said I didn’t care and
    It seemed we were ok and back together.. He even wanted me to come visit but I was getting ready to travel for my job. Two days later he just stopped speaking to me. Do I still use the 30 days NC since it was only three months.. And furthermore, since he lives two hours away.. How do I draw him back in? Also, Is it ok to contact his friends that loved me and that were so for us being together, just to see what’s going on and if it’s even worth fighting for?

    Thanks Chris

    1. admin

      February 18, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      Have you read my LDR guide?

    2. Jordan

      February 18, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Btw I’m 8 days into NC and it’s killing me .

  20. Atisa

    February 18, 2014 at 10:19 am

    The NC is working! 🙂 he has been texting me everyday since 4 days. do you think i should complete the 30 days? or it will be too much for him?

    1. admin

      February 18, 2014 at 7:23 pm

      You can shorten it to 21 days.

    2. Atisa

      February 19, 2014 at 9:10 am

      thank you Chris

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