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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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Post categories
Renie
February 18, 2014 at 12:51 am
I’m on day 21 of NC and wondering if I should unfriend my ex-BF on FB? Is being friends on FB hindering my efforts of NC phase? Is giving him the ability to see and know my doings and whereabouts not a good idea? My post are always positive and fun… Nothing raunchy or bad taste. Whats your thoughts?
admin
February 18, 2014 at 7:13 pm
I think it is a good idea.
k94
February 17, 2014 at 10:31 pm
Great guide 🙂
every time you mention ‘avid readers’ in your guides I kind of pause, scan the room *shift eyes*, “he’s on to us…”
Personally,
I’m exhausted with my ex thing.
In the past 3 months I’ve gone 1 and a half months of no contact.
Then we spoke. It was OK. It was Chirstmas time, so the next time I contacted him after the first was to say Happy Christmas, he responded very positively. I left him to enjoy his day, he then messaged me later on (when we were together, I got us a split keyring; two halves of a yin and yang symbol) and the message was just a picture of his half of the keyring.
So i sent him my half.
It seemed hopeful, then A few days later, he started an argument with me because a mutual male friend of ours asked him if it was okay that me and him were speaking and whether he could hang out with me. (obviously he got jelous but took it out on me)
I didn’t argue back. I responded with telling him i had to get an earlier night because of a doctor’s appointment – he then kept asking if i was okay. In the morning he acted concerned, checking up with my appointment went well.
I then rang him to talk, and he was still angry about the night before, telling me that he’s fine- happiest he’s ever been, that the worst thing that ever happened to him was meeting me etc.
A few days after, i managed to arrange a day for us to meet. (he was SO reluctant to) but It went well. I made him laugh, we were sharing and opening up. In passing he mentioned that i was the right person but it was the wrong time… At the end of the night he initiated the hug, and it was one of those tight, snuggly ones 🙂 I got home and didn’t even think to check my messages – he was going to meet his friends so I didn’t want to get in the way. However, of his own accord he messaged me several times while he was there. I replied, it was nice, I went to bed. In the morning I woke up to him again trying to start an argument, saying how I’ve changed and that he doesn’t think its for the better. He took some things i said while we were out completely out of context and used them to find a reason to hate on me. GREAT.
Basically, this series of days were very mixed, him not caring, him not wanting to speak to me, him not wanting to reply, and then sometimes replying, sometimes warming up toward me – even asking me things like whether i miss him sleeping in my bed with me…
then back to being cold with me again.
New years was terrible, I was angry because I wanted him to text me happy new years ( but no message came through), the next morning I decided to not give up but again he was cold and distant and none caring… So after all this time of being understanding with him, i finally said “I just want my things back.” (I live an hour away during semester time, so we haven’t had time to exchange our things yet, and the other time we met we forgot”
We then had an argument, which for the first time i cracked at, because i’ve had enough of him getting away with testing my patience so much… and for the first time since new contact I defended some things he said.
And I said, “ok. im doing what you want, i’m done. Just drop my things off and I dont need any more from you.” So he called me, with his adult voice, “Whats wrong?” We talked, talking turned to laughing and actually enjoying our conversation to the point we arranged to meet the next day. He texted me about how he’s looking forward to it.
It was perfectly friendly, he was helping me with some packing i needed to do. and then we watched a film. He then started to find excuses to touch me playfully. after an hour he tried kissing me. Then a few attempts later, i finally allowed it to happen. And it was great. Passionate, butterflies, great. – he then wanted more but I put a boundary up, stuck to it didn’t go further.
After that he stopped with the coldness, made the effort to text me when he got home, including the following day.
The next evening he came around, the same thing happened. He then promised he wouldn’t stop making an effort with me (i didn’t ask him to), he also promised he would visit me when i returned to University (again, i didn’t ask him to).
Eventually, i had a tide of messages from him justifying his behavior. telling me he loves me and always will but he just can’t get back with me right now. (fine, I dont think it would be wise to rush into it like that either).
His efforts of talking to me lasted about a week after I got to University. He was messaging less and less. I was obviously growing a bit insecure…
he returned to his cold-detachness.
I stopped talking to him for a week. He messaged me once during that time.
So I thought maybe he’s ready to talk again….it was hit and miss.
he just keeps resisting everything I do. And i have no idea what could have changed or why it would have.
Sometimes he replies, and we do well! it can be engaging, two weeks ago he messaged quite lengthy texts. He refuses to meet.
On my birthday three weeks ago, he was a complete a**hole. I came back to our home time, offered a chance to meet and, “no. im busy. sorry.” exactly like that. I tried to re-schedule. “Cant. sorry.”
Prior to that I asked if i could borrow a book that he had to help me with an assignment. he said sure, as long as he gets it back. When i then used that as an excuse for us to meet he said “i’ll post it through your door.” ok….Eventually i told him not to worry. I’ll find another way of getting my research.
We didn’t speak.
On the day I was leaving he rang to see if i was home. i didn’t answer. he texted, i didn’t answer. so he just came around, and there was the book. He was catching up with my mother.. when he saw me he complimented my dress… and gave me the book, asked me what i was doing the next day so he could give me a card.
Later, i looked through the book and he wrote in it, basically saying he was giving it to me, i could keep it.
He texted me on midnight saying happy birthday…
I was still mad at him for how he has messed me around for 3 months.
Then i reflected on all the effort he made lately, so finally responded… and of course. he’s cold. detached. doesn’t need me again.
3 weeks from then, present moment…and he makes no effort at all. If i randomly message him, like a funny meme on facebook it sometimes says he’s typing for ages… and then it stops and nothing is sent.
sometimes he replies, a lot of the time he doesn’t. I don’t overwhelm him with messages of course. just one every now and again… but now i feel I’m doing it just for the sake of it.
I suppose it doesn’t help that he’s in the getting drunk any time he can phase and trying to be a person that just doesn’t suite him. He needs help….he’s messing his life up down…and he wont let me in.
He’s resisting every attempt.
Do I give up?
admin
February 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Hahahaha
I am totally onto you guys.
Well, I think in the end you need to be with someone who will give you the best future. Call me a softy but I am all about happy endings. When you look at him do you picture a happy life together?
k94
February 18, 2014 at 7:59 pm
I am a softy too. And in this generation where everything is made disposable…where if something doesn’t work we move on to the next thing because like a gadget ‘there’s always something better on its way’…Its so hard to keep people grounded and invest because people don’t invest WITH you sometimes.
I do see something potentially great for us. This is why I’ve bothered to hold on for this long… It actually makes me a little angry that he’s being so silly and allowing this second chance for something great slip away!
I’ve learned so much. I have so much more to offer now as a person. And he really had some great qualities that are what I look for now and would continue to look for in a partner for the long run.
He just isn’t cooperating! And I can’t make him share my vision for us. Make he needs more time to grow and play? Except now that he’s on full steam ahead getting over me, he probably won’t look back if I let him get away.
admin
February 19, 2014 at 7:14 pm
I would say that generally you are right with what you are saying. But sometimes it is hard to get an ex out of your mind.
k94
February 19, 2014 at 7:55 pm
Very 🙂
Do i just wait it out until some time down the line where he may come back once he’s gone through the motions of being newly single? Maybe he’ll think of me? Thats a question…how long do you think it takes for a guy to get the ‘single guy life’ out of their system before they start thinking, “yeah settling down doesnt seem too horrible now..” we were together for 3 years so he might just need some breathing space..
I really don’t even know what my next move could be from where i am with him. i may go no contact again and when the semester ends and i return to our home town for a few weeks i may try contacting him again then.
What would you do? 🙂
k94
February 18, 2014 at 8:06 pm
Although the way he is behaving now…no. I don’t see a happy ending if it means him acting like this and me working my butt off.
k94
February 17, 2014 at 10:32 pm
or is there anything to salvage….how?
Shannon
February 17, 2014 at 8:22 pm
My ex and I broke up, continued talking for about a month, decided to be friends, but then we kept arguing, and eventually he employed the no contact rule. Blocked me on everything with no warning or goodbye, and he is already moving on with other girls so I have heard. He seems completely uninterested in my life, and I have had friends talk to him about at least talking to me again, but he says he doesn’t know what there is to talk about. Its been a month since we last spoke, and its really killing me. I don’t know how to get him back in my life, and I’m out of ideas of what to do. Please help!!
admin
February 18, 2014 at 6:58 pm
Are you past your no contact?
Shannon
February 23, 2014 at 3:00 am
I never used the no contact and now it is far too late for that as the damage has been done. he is the one that is using the no contact now, and it has been 1 month since we last talked. He says “he can’t talk to me… not for awhile (as in a couple of months)” what does that mean?
Sally
February 17, 2014 at 5:19 pm
Hi Chris,
Me and my bf broke up yesterday, we had a fight in a restaurant 3 weeks ago and he started changed cuz I didn’t let he see my phone, he got weird and start get cold, he said he was trying to make a effort to the things get better but he felt I was mad at him and that was not true. So I said we should not hang out or don’t see each other for while and he didn’t want the first he was confused but after we agreed maybe could bring the things the way it was before, cuz he was confused and feeling weird about us and he didn’t know what to think he wants to make the things clear and I was feeling the same way he is and he hugged me and when I was living he was looking sad.When I left I forgot my sweater there and I txt to him so keep it in a safe place and he said yes señorita is a pet name he use with me and after in the night I txt him I took the decision to not hang out anymore or don’t see each other for a while because I am not happy and confuse and u too maybe the time can fix it or not, but just to make it clear I am not mad at you. And he txt me today in the morning I hope the time will resolve and make everything clear, I understand why u are making this decision and I am glad one is mad . You are wonderful person and a enjoyed every minutes with you… So what does he mean? Does he like me ? I am confuse with his txt. So txt him saying we were really happy before we had this silly fight on the restaurant, I ve enjoyed every moment with u and I hope the time can fix it too. I want go back with him but I want to be the way we were before we were super happy and enjoying each other I don’t understand what happened with us after this silly fight I felt he just shout down. What I should I do Chris please? Help me? What do u think going on in his head? Thanks
anon
February 18, 2014 at 2:22 pm
Your relationship was over a while ago – in particular when you you told him so when you said that you two should break up (i.e. – not see each other discussion). Even when he agreed to work on the relationship after that – he started packing his bags mentally.
His text isn’t confusing – he said that he agreed with your decision to break up. What is confusing is you – you broke up with him to effect change in him, when you really wanted to stay with him. Ultimatums never work – why would you think you would be any different?
J
February 17, 2014 at 3:46 pm
I need to work with my ex everyday. So how should I go with NC?
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:50 pm
You will have to go into limited contact
Candice
February 17, 2014 at 3:35 pm
Hey Chris! I did no contact rule for like 10 days and last Thursday I couldnt help but texted him, and then he called me and said he called me on last Tuesday but I didnt pick up. I realized that I just changed a new cell so I didnt see any calls from him( we use tango) , does that mean he misses me? Now i broke the NC ,so I have to go back to the 30 days right?
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:50 pm
Yes you do unfortuantely.
anonimous
February 17, 2014 at 7:35 am
I think i screwed it up. I applied the 30days no contact rule and my ex texted me all the time to no reply. At the end of the 30 days i sent him a message and he was on top of the world. We started talking again and he even made some sweet references about our times togheter. After a whole month like this i texted him out of the blue, saying that i couldnt be his friend anymore as i still cared about him and i told him that this time i wouldnt have had second toughts as i really wanted to move on with my life. He was clearly surprised as he replied almost immediately saying that he understood and would have respected my decision.
In the meantime i really moved on, i found a new guy for a while but we had to split after a month. Now, on valentines day, one of our common friends(talking about my ex ex not the new one) told me that he missses me and he had a dream about me.
I tought i was over him but in fact im not. But of course after my last message it would be idiotic to writeto him, so i basically ruined my chances. Any suggestion? ps its been 2 and a half months of no contact after my last message where i told him that i wanted to move on.
thanks for your advice Chris.
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:47 pm
Wait, are you dating someone else?
anonimous
February 18, 2014 at 10:45 am
i had another story but its over now ..
Just me
March 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm
so…any advice on what i should be doing?
He is not contacting me directly but giving me signs on facebook (I have a quite popular fan page and he is putting likes basically everywhere).
I honestly don’t know what to do right now.
My Idea is that if he really wants me badly, he needs to make the move, and the move is not a stupid like on facebook.
That’s why im not contacting him.
Am i being too proud?
too funny
February 17, 2014 at 7:19 am
Stunningly bad advice really
Lets see – guys are told to go no contact. Girls are told to go no contact – meaning that neither party contacts the other. After 30 days, hell – maybe after 2-3 weeks, enough time has passed so that he’s already started to move on and heal.
I understand that this goes against the advice that the host is selling (which explains why previous post was deleted), but girls have to understand that when both people are committed to winning a game of chicken – nobody wins.
If you dont make a move after 2 weeks to repair a relationship, might as well, just give up on it and look for another.
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:28 pm
Actually, I recommended that women contact.
If you read the entire guide you would see I went on a whole rant about this very thing you were talking about.
bhea
February 17, 2014 at 1:38 am
Hi Chris,
My ex fiance is the stubborn one.we broke up 1,5 months ago.none of his family knows about this till today.Once he told me “you have to work very hard to get me back”.He still providing me until now.After 30 days NC I’d try to text him it was 2 weeks ago.but he didn’t reply.Do you think he is playing game with me? And Do I need to NC again?
Rahaf
February 16, 2014 at 3:13 pm
Hey! I really need some advice here please!!
I have tried the no contact rule. Twice.
First time it lasted for around 17 days and then i caved in andtalked to him for 3 days.. I decided to try it again and work harder on myself rather than on him but this time, it only lasted for 6 days before i broke down crying and decided to message him (yesterday) on snapchat after he sent a snap to all of his friends.. Which lead to a little facebook chat.
I dont know what to do now, i feel like by doing the NC twice already, i’ve lost my chances to do it a third and get it right.
Should i just use your tactics to get him back without the full NC? Or just try and be friends with him and retrieve the flames through that? Hes not being fully off with me when we talk, he even opens a subj every now and then and trys to keep the convo going.
Please help meee!
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:34 pm
I think you should probably work on building attraction at this point.
Dina
February 16, 2014 at 11:15 am
i went nc for 2 weeks. and my ex called me on unknown numbers just to say happy valentine. and said he wants to be friends.
what should I do now? I want to be her girlfriend 🙁
should I just go back into doing the 30 days again?
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:31 pm
Yup go back into NC
Casey
February 16, 2014 at 10:13 am
Hi Chris,
I had an intense but brief relationship, he spouted the “I’m falling in love with you”, (in which I happily replied). However after that, an issue came up in turn I asked to talk to him about it. He took that as, I gave him an ultimatum (which I didn’t) and scared the bejesus out if him. He got distant, wouldn’t let it go and blamed it all on me. He gave up and broke it off (apparently with great difficulty). I sent emails, he acknowledged and apologized for many things, and inferred being friends and hinted at getting back together after he’d had space. I was hurt and said I couldn’t be friends removed him from FB and online. He deleted all my photos off FB etc then started dating straight away. He got angry when I caved on NC initially, saying I missed him in turn he reminded me I was the one who de-friended him.he said he would contact me again after his return OS. I’ve done NC for 2 months. Not heard a word from him. Is it too late? I genuinely believe he wanted to be with and cared deeply about me. But I scared him really badly, more than I’ve ever seen a man. I’ve done NC before and never heard from them again (which turned out for the better) but this ones different. Help.
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:30 pm
What was the issue?
G
February 16, 2014 at 4:49 am
Day 22 of NC. Timely post today, Chris. Very relevant, thanks!
There are no words or guides to describe the bizarre scenario that has only just begun to unfold today. It was so weird that I started to write you an email, Chris, because I thought you might actually find it amusing, like the plot of a movie – genre still to be determined, but then I realized that probably 11,000 girls email you a day, and it’s not as interesting to you as it is to me. I’m slightly confused and speechless, but I just remind myself of your words, “patience in NC, and patience in contact.”
What I’ve learned from today: If you don’t half-ass, fake, or bypass the self-improvement part of NC, and you actually take it seriously as the most important part, strange and wonderful things will happen, and not just with your ex.
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:19 pm
Day 22.. That is fantastic congrats that you have made it this far.
Hahaha Ya I had one girl get featured on national TV for dancing during her NC rule. I was very proud.
honey
February 15, 2014 at 8:42 pm
What if he blocked me everywhere to text him?
Email??? He barely relies to it. I am closed to the no contact end period.
Im still blocked by him! Should i wait until he unblock me before contacting him, cause obviously he doesn’t want to talk to me now. I am at 21 days of nc.
What if he tries to get over me or has an rebound relationship?
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:12 pm
Then you are going to have to use the NC rule to let him calm down a bit.
honey
February 19, 2014 at 12:51 am
But i already DID it! I am at the 27th day today of the nc!!! 🙁 what to dooooo now??? Is he trying to forget me??? 🙁
Jesse
February 15, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Can you tell me a bit about how exes think of good memories and if it makes them sad to look back on them, be around places they went with you, or listen to songs that remind them of you?
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:09 pm
What do you mean?
Jessica
February 15, 2014 at 6:34 pm
This actually helped me a lot! My ex is a stubborn and prideful Italian! This sounds exactly like something he would do! He bottles up his emotions and that would explain his depression! Thank you Chris! You honestly should publish an affordable book not just an ebook. Hope you had an amazing Valentine!
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:09 pm
Ahhh those italians 😉
Sabrina
February 15, 2014 at 9:02 am
Thanks chris
kate
February 15, 2014 at 5:57 am
i contacted my ex about 17 days ago so over 2 weeks ago.. We broke up 2 months ago (he broke up with me) this wasnt the first time we had contact since the break up anyways thats besides the point.. i told him about some personal stuff that i was dealing with because it had been weighing on my mind and i was hurting a lot this wasnt about the break up (stuff with family) and in the end i decided to contact him cause i thought he would be someone i could talk to about it anyways i asked if we could meet in person and he didnt want to.. i didnt really get it i mean i thought he would be over this enough to have a simple chat in person about this stuff but no.. anyways so i told him and he wasnt very helpful at all.. ended the convo after a few texts so its been about 2 and a half weeks since we last were in contact. I dont have any intentions of contacting him because he really hurt me with his reactiosn to my issues.. ANyways i just wanted to know if you thought he would contact me checking up on me? its just im really annoyed with what happened but it would be nice to know he cares
G
February 16, 2014 at 1:19 am
Hey, I just want to say that you shouldn’t let his reaction get you down so much because it might not be about you. He’s probably still working things out in his head and struggling with his own emotions over the breakup. Just because he said he couldn’t talk to you right when you wanted him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. I don’t want you to hurt your chances with him by getting angry with him. I think the best thing you can do is not make him feel bad or responsible for not being able to help you.
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:16 pm
I think its a possibility but if he doesn’t do freak out. It’s not a huge deal.
Cecil
February 15, 2014 at 3:44 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we argued a lot towards the end of the breakup mostly because he wanted more space and his own time to do other things than just hanging out with me, and of course being a girl I was clingy. He said he needed space because he doesnt know about us anymore. So i started the no contact rule, I was doing good until today on valentines day he texted me and said “happy valentines day, im sorry for everything I put you through.” and I caved and said we should talk.. and he said he wasnt ready, but if I didnt want to wait for him he understood and that I could move on if I wanted to. IM so disappointed that I broke no contact. should I just go back into doing the 30 days? deep down I still want him very much and but I feel like IM the only one who wants to reconcile.
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:10 pm
What do you think? Go back into NC or not?
G
February 16, 2014 at 4:51 am
I think yes! I realize you’re not asking me, but I still hang around here anyways… I think yes, because it will only help.
Sabrina
February 15, 2014 at 1:43 am
“That was the most insightful guide on the no contact rule that I have ever read.” 🙂 another best read, happy valentines day chris!
admin
February 15, 2014 at 6:07 pm
happy valentines day!!!
Haha and I hope you did find it insightful.
Sabrina
February 16, 2014 at 4:56 am
How about chris when your exbf new gf doesnt want the two of you talking and now his ignoring you.
admin
February 16, 2014 at 6:21 pm
That is really tough… Not much you can do but give him space and try again at a later date.
Sabrina
February 15, 2014 at 2:19 am
I hope you still remember my story 🙂 4year relationship, got a new gf after three days, hasn’t contact me or not even responded to my texts, new gf keep on snooping around.. I have been doing great with the NC 2.5months 🙂 did not contact him not because of the entitlement but because he is stubborn and his gf snooping attitude, he said that i should give him time so im giving him alllll the time he needs .