Today we’re going to talk about exactly what to do when a guy ignores you.
We’re going to be looking at,
- The core reasons men ignore you
- How you need to pull back when they pull back
- The anxious and avoidant connection
- Why you can still technically communicate through social media
- Why it’s important to stop molding yourself for someone else
So, we have a full plate today.
Let’s get started.
The Core Reasons Men Ignore You
This is a topic I’ve talked a lot about on this website so I don’t want to get too far into the weeds.
Instead, I thought it might be a good idea to take a quick look at what some of the top reasons for why they ignore you are.
- They believe there is a better alternative out there
- They got hooked on “the thrill” of the chase and now it’s gone
- You’ve invested way more into the relationship than they have and it creeps them out
- They’re not good at communicating their feelings
- They get overwhelmed by your anxious tendencies
- Stress outside the relationship
I’m sure there’s more but these are the core reasons you’re going to want to keep an eye out for. Of course, the real reason you’re here is to learn exactly how to react if they do begin ignoring you.
Let’s tackle that now.
When They Pull Back You Pull Back
As a general rule we’ve found that if you notice a guy pulling back you should pull back as well.
Well, my team and I think it has something to do with the anxious and avoidant connection.
You’re familiar with attachment styles, right?
If not then you should watch this video immediately.
Essentially there are four main attachment styles.
The Secure Attachment
You are considered to have a secure attachment style if you are comfortable with intimacy; you’re not worried about rejection; and you are confident that your significant other wants to be in the relationship.
The Anxious Attachment
You’re considered to have an anxious attachment style if you have a greater need for intimacy and closeness. Someone with this style requires frequent reassurance of their partner’s love and commitment to the relationship.
The Avoidant Attachment
Those with an avoidant attachment style are extremely independent, self-directed, and often uncomfortable with intimacy. They’re basically commitment-phobes and experts at rationalizing their way out of any intimate situation.
The Fearful Attachment
Take the worst aspects of the anxious attachment and avoidant attachment and combine them together and you have the fearful attachment. This style is the rarest of the bunch and only 7% of the population has been diagnosed with it. It’s likely that the guy that’s ignoring you doesn’t have this.
Now, what my team and I have found to be fascinating is that people with anxious attachment styles and avoidant attachment styles are often drawn together and end up in this neverending cycle.
The Anxious And Avoidant Connection
So, people with avoidant attachment style get kind of a bad rap in my opinion.
Most people falsely assume that they don’t want a relationship. That’s simply not true. In fact, in many cases they want a relationship more than anything else. They become so desperate for a connection that they end up in what I like to call the anxious and avoidant cycle.
It goes like this.
- The avoidant desperate for a connection puts themselves out there.
- The anxious desperate for someone that they can latch on to puts themselves out there.
- The two meet and hit it off.
- For a while things are great
- But slowly the avoidant begins to notice the anxious persons tendencies
- It’s not bad at first but as the relationship stretches on it begins to grate on their nerves
- The avoidant will end the relationship because of it
- They’ll end up exactly where they started wondering why they can’t ever find a connection
The irony here is that with each revolution of the cycle the avoidant becomes more set in their ways and creates this false narrative
But here’s an interesting fact about avoidants.
They can begin to miss you given enough time.
Last year I did this amazing video on YouTube where I talk about this concept that an avoidant doesn’t really begin to miss you until they feel like you have moved on.
And this is really where the idea of,
When they pull back, you pull back
Therefore, a lot of the things you’re going to want to do are going to be revolving around what you do during those moments you pull back.
First things first, there’s an important psychological shift I want you to go through.
Stop Molding Yourself To Someone Else
I think the internet is mankind’s greatest invention. I’ve always looked at it like how everyone can gain access to the worlds largest library.
Of course, if there’s one flaw with libraries it’s that all books aren’t created equally.
It’s become increasingly annoying to me to see so many “gurus” out there recommending all these tactics to “trick” a man into missing you or wanting you and while I will admit that I employ some of these tactics myself I always try to have my clients build an internal foundation first.
Because the core of what I teach really focuses in on you first. On ensuring you reach your maximum potential as a human being before you even try reaching out to the guy you like or love.
Once you’re able to realize that it’s really about you and what you want, and trying to mold someone to you instead of the other way around the results come.
Often you’ll hear that cliche that it’s only after you stopped looking for love that you found it. Well, I personally believe it’s not so much the fact that you stopped looking and it came but it’s what you did with that time when you decided to stop looking.
So, what should you be doing with your time when you decide to pull back?
Indirect Communication Through Social Media
Social media is without a doubt one of the very best ways to indirectly communicate with men. We already know based on many different statistics that there’s a high chance that the guy you like will be checking up on you via social media sites like,
So, even if a guy is ignoring you one of the ways that you can get in touch with him is by telling him the story you want to be told via social media.
I’m just going to focus in on Instagram and Facebook because those are two ecosystems I know very well.
Generally speaking when a client asks me to audit their social media accounts I become pretty brutal. I’m of the mind that if the guy you desperately want is looking at your social media account then you need to be telling the story you exactly want him to see and that’s the one of the ungettable girl.
In 2020 during the height of the pandemic I thought it would be fun to write a book on the “ungettable girl.” Thus, my paperback copy of “Ungettable: Becoming The Woman Every Man Wants” was born.
In the book I talk a lot about what “an ungettable girl” looks like and how to become one.
What I think you should do if you are in a situation where a guy is ignoring you is begin posting ungettable things on social media. I usually recommend a rolling number of five things based on the trinity concept and the magnum opus concept.
I know I’ve written about this before but it’s important and consistently I find most people don’t even bother to read.
What Is The Trinity Concept?
If we could divide our life up into specific categories then most likely the three most important ones would be,
In 2013 when I came up with the trinity concept it wasn’t revolutionary. I’m sure any marketing maverick has heard of these three categories. However, what was revolutionary was the way in which I viewed them.
By taking the samurai approach and looking at these three categories like things to be constantly improved upon you’ll find that you can achieve a balance most people can’t dream of.
Of course, around 2019 I began to notice something. Those who tried to constantly balance these three areas of life out still found themselves unfulfilled. Why? Well, I think it’s because the entire trinity concept in the context we’re using it in is meant to attract a guy to you which puts a high emphasis on the relationships aspect.
So, after reframing the trinity concept in this way I started to do a lot of philosophical research on how we assign meaning to our lives.
This video specifically was incredibly helpful.
It made me realize that a life lived solely trying to get someone to love you is a life lived unfulfilled.
But sometimes cliche is right.
Find A Purpose Greater Than Your Love Life
I know it sounds like I’m getting off topic here but I promise you the social media post advice will be coming but getting this concept is ESSENTIAL if you want a guy to start paying attention to you again.
The biggest problem I find that most of my clients have is that their entire life revolves around getting a guy to fall for them. They have no purpose outside of their love life.
My challenge to you is find that purpose. Find that one thing that means so much to you that you would actually prioritize it more than your love life.
Often I’ll call this “finding your magnum opus.”
If you want an idea of what that looks like then look no further from this cheesy clip from charlottes web.
It’s considered your greatest work. The thing you’re going to be remembered for when you die.
The truth is that most of us live unremarkable lives. We go with the flow and play it safe because we’re too afraid of bucking common trends. We’re too afraid of standing out.
Yet, when our paths cross someone who isn’t doing that they illicit an immediate reaction.
I’ve notice though that men are highly attracted to these women. Why? I think it’s because they are literally ungettable. They can inherently sense that this woman has priorities that are so important to her outside of relationships that it presents a certain challenge.
How can I make this unicorn make me her first priority.
And so we come full circle.
This is the story you want to tell on social media.
The Five Post Social Media Method
Here are the five categories you want to consistently post on social media.
- Something Health Related
- Something Wealth Related
- Something Relationships Related (outside of your guy)
- Something Magnum Opus Related
- Anything You Want (outside of anything related to your guy)
Rinse and repeat.
Over and over and over again.
So, what does that actually look like on a calendar?
You want to make sure that the things you are posting are actually interesting as well. Too often I’ll explain this concept to women and they’ll post incredibly boring things.
So, what are interesting things?
A video of you pulling a car in a gym parking lot. (Believe it or not I got this idea from one of the women I’m friends with on Facebook.)
Now, am I saying you need to a pull a car?
No, I’m just saying there needs to be something interesting enough about your post that makes people want to read or watch.
Maybe you got a promotion a work.
Share the official news.
Maybe the best example of a wealth post that I’ve ever seen happened in our private facebook group from a women who hit the two comma club.
Ironically what you would expect to be the hardest post is the easiest ones.
Post something with your friends or family.
The only general rule of thumb is that you aren’t allowed to post about the guy you like.
Let’s say you want to be remembered for your art skills as a painter.
One of my best buddies is named Simon and he’s one of the most brilliant artists I’ve ever met. He’s constantly posting these crazy paintings he does on his Instagram.
Anything You Want
The title literally tells you everything you need to know.
You’re allowed to post whatever you want so long as it’s not directly connected to the guy you like.
What you’ll notice is that as you continue to post these really amazing things you’ll start to build momentum and people will start to take notice. As people take notice and you garner more attention the guy you want will naturally be drawn to you.
Of course, he won’t be the only other guy drawn to you.