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Jane
February 29, 2016 at 8:21 am
My BF for 13 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago, he said that he’s tired of our relationship since we’ve been fighting over petty things a lot (but we usually solve those “petty fight” in like 5min) he also said that he doesnt love me anymore and that he’s 100% sure about it. He also mentioned that he’s been thinking about it for a long time. And during our anniversarry he doesnt even care if we’ll celebrate or what because he doesnt love me that much anymore. But when i asked his friends they said that he told them that he wants to focus on his studies since he’s going to med school. The day he broke up with me was the same day that he received a bad news that the med school didnt accept him. I tried to beg for 3 days and i contact him on and off for 10 days. Last friday i talked to him and i told him that i respect his decision and that im letting him go, and that i’ll go out with a friend this weekend. I saw him holding back his tears and trying to hide his face and pretending as if he doesnt care when i clearly see that he does care. Now i havent contacted him for 3days. I want him back what should i do? Please help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 1:10 pm
Hi Jane,
let’s see for thid week if he’ll reach out..don’t initiate contact.. if he doesn’t continue the count to 21 days nc
Frank
February 27, 2016 at 12:38 pm
I broke up with my ex girlfriend about 8 months ago and we have been in contact on and off since then. I contacted her last week to pretty let her know i still had feelings for her and she says “she definitely misses what we had but does not know what to say” and would to be friends. What do i do now? I mean she’s warm and cold so i’m having a hard time reading between the lines. let me mention we dated for almost 3 yrs and the last yr was long distance. what do you recommend I do?
Frank
February 28, 2016 at 5:01 pm
Yeah that’s correct, I guess that’s the confusing part but I will follow your advice and see what happens.. But doesn’t “Let’s just be friends” usually mean “I want nothing”?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 29, 2016 at 8:36 am
If it is “Just” friends it can be, but if it’s “starting” as friends that’s different
Frank
February 28, 2016 at 2:10 pm
No I have not because I am afraid to get stuck in the friend zone.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 3:55 pm
I understand.. Okay.. actually, the more effective approach I’ve seen with others is taking more action rather than saying what they feel. They make the girl, “feel” she would want to get back together.. The actions do the talking.. The thing is with you, she didn’t outright decline but she didn’t want to get together right? So, build more attraction.. make that your focus now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2016 at 5:26 am
Hi Frank,
have you tried to be friends first again instead of trying to let her know what you feel and pursue her right away?
Allison Humphries
February 24, 2016 at 2:53 am
I started talking to this guy 3 years ago, we stared off as just friends and we then started speaking every single day, he asked me out a few weeks later, I said yes. We barely even lasted, because of private issues we had had. But yet we still spoke and were serious, just not in an official relationship but everyone knew about us and it was just out in the open. And mind this, we didn’t even meet but we lived in the same area, had mutual friends and always arranged a day and place to meet but we were both so busy. We facetimed and all but never really met, we were both so fed up of just always calling and having this ‘online fling’. We liked each other very much, I can say that I was emotionally invested in him and liked him way more than he knew. We met in the second year of talking, and it didn’t really go good as planned, we did have quite a severe argument a couple days before that, we had numerous arguments, it will mostly be me starting them because I was just the jealous type and I assumed a lot but at the same time, he did attract a lot of girls and just it would always seem to the both of us that the other is talking to other people but in reality we weren’t. Throughout the arguments and all, we managed to keep it going, we never stopped trying until the severe argument we had when I think he was just tired of me making assumptions and always thinking he is avoiding me because at that time he would be online on other social media but just not replying to me. I told him to delete me, and for him to not speak again, and normally when I use to flip out on him like that he will try and get to the bottom of things, but this time, he didn’t try. His reaction was slacking, and he didn’t seem to care, but he did. I guess boys don’t really show how they really feel, they put up a hard front to hide their inner feelings and I get that, but I didn’t understand that back then. I apologised, but that spark we had, just went. And he was really blunt to me afterwards when I would try to have a conversation, I know he was hurt now, and i was so stupid to have flipped out on him. after asking him to meet and arranging a day, we met. And i was with my friends and one of my best friends, lets call her ‘AK’. Anything that would happen between and him, she would have always been the one i would call and cry on the phone to and rant to. She meant the world to me. She was friends with him as well, and they use to talk here and there but at the time he wasn’t really interested in her. The day came, and when we saw each other it wasn’t really the same because of the argument which happened to have changed most things. So, right away when we both said hi, he asked me if i wanted to meet AK, and i said oh yeah that would be nice, and he knew where she was going to be and all, i was a bit confused but we got to her, and obviously i was very happy to see her and i just stuck with her and her mates she was with. He tells me he has to go and buy some things, so we said okay. He comes back and throughout it all, we didn’t really speak, he would just look at me and not do anything, he got along with AK a lot and the other girls and just didn’t really talk to me much. AK and the other girls would push him to me and tease us, he would just refuse to come by me and just be really blunt about it. I felt so shitty and I really just wanted to go home, i did not feel at all comfortable and it was just awkward. In the end, we had to go, so we said our goodbye’s and i went to AK’s house because she had offered. Went to her house, and we really just spoke about the whole day, and he kept on talking to AK, and wasn’t replying to my texts. It was just unusual, and so i went back home after AK’s house and i rang him up and i just asked him why he was being awkward with me throughout the day and what he basically said was ”It was you who was being awkward and you kept on looking away and hiding your face”. He was finding any excuse to make it look like im the one who made it bad. A couple days went by, i started seeing some comments on social media, he started commenting on AK’s picture and she started commenting too, obviously i use to tease him about her as a joke to see what he would say, he would just laugh it off but he did tell me he does like a girl which happens to be in the same year as AK, same name as AK, so i knew it was her. Next thing i know, AK … one of my closest friends was going out with him and didn’t think to tell me, i use to ask her if there was anything between them before they were official, she would refuse it all the time. I stopped talking to her, i hated her so much, and him. It was so hard to go through that, i remember every bit of it and honestly i felt like absolute crap. She would be posting pictures with him and he would do the same, it obviously hurt me a lot and I just needed a break from it all, so i stopped talking to them for quite a few months. I found out that they didn’t last, they only lasted for a day or two as her parents had found out about them two (she has a very strict and cultural background and very religious parents who had no idea she would go against her religion and do anything). A couple months later i had moved on, not completely but you know. He decided to come back to me, and me being nice, i helped him and i was a good friend, and helped him move on and just not be upset because she didn’t treat him very fairly. She also came back and apologised to me and i accepted but still did not keep in contact with her at all, so me and him started talking again and we would joke around here and there like old times, and honestly everything was going alright, we spoke everyday and I managedto get the happy side out of him. By this time, i obviously started to grow feelings back again and all of it came back. My best friend, ‘AP’ who helped me move on from the situation and just supported me throughout everything when it happened between him and AK – he used to ‘joke’ around back then saying he wants to start talking to her and saying to me all the time shes hot and shes all that. It sounded as if he was trying to make me jealous as i get jealous quick but don’t show it, i didn’t really think much of what he use to say about her, he once said he spoke to her and he actually did. I spoke to her and she told me they talk as friends, i was like ‘oh okay then’. I honestly something was going to happen again, and basically he went out with her. This time, i wasn’t suppose to be upset, but i was. Obviously i would be, i don’t get how you can talk to someone much and everysingle day and not feel anything for them, i thought he liked me at least a little as he would always call, text and everything. So they were going out for about 2 months, and i didn’t talk to both of them, i didn’t stay in contact, i had told her i feel uncomfortable so if i ghost on you that is why and she fully understood. It was hard to maintain that friendship her and I had, i tried to but she would be always either meeting him whenever i wanted to see her. So i cut off with them, she would try to talk but i would either ignore or be blunt, i really just couldn’t trust anyone at this point and honestly had enough. Long story short, they broke up, she broke up with him, because she was too full on (he liked her too much and she wasn’t ready just to settle down and she basically took his love for granted). They were both upset, and he was very upset as he can neverhave a proper lasting relationship and just keeps getting dumped’. He has came back to me.. and she did as well.. they both did. She didn’t really apologise to me but me being the friend, i helped her, i was nice and was there for them both through the break up, since the break up so two weeks ago, me and him haven’t stopped speaking, this time it feels a lot different, i think its because hes been through a lot and its just changed him and all these girls have also changed him. My friends have said im stupid to always let them come back to me like im some silly rebound, i sometimes do feel like that as well, but then when hes talking to me and i get to hear his voice everyday, it goes away and i just remember the funny, perfect side of him i fell in love with, and still i am in love with will be for god knows how long. Just a few days ago, he told me he has feelings for me but he isn’t sure, and wants to meet up, as we haven’t seen each other in a looong time. We have both changed well i have, physically and he noticed that as well and i feel like hes attracted to it more than he was before. And he wants to meet, but to be honest, he is talking to a lo of girls and still talks to both AK and AP as friends but still is very friendly with them when hes on comments or replying back to them, it just seems as if he doesn’t like me but when we talk, he would say he doesn’t know who he likes as he wants to meet them even though he has before, he wants to meet them and know for sure. And we going to but i want to be able to move on because deep down i think that i will probably most likely be dropped for someone else again, and it will be the third time. I don’t want to go through that again and i told him that and he had said that’s why he doesn’t want to lead me on and say yes he likes me, he wants to know for sure. I understand that, but i love him, i really do, i always have, i never stopped. These long breaks i took, i would just learn to live without him but he would always seem to find a way to come back to me, and when he does, im happy and sad. I cant explain exactly how i feel, but i feel like im being used and that im going to get hurt soon, and i don’t know how to avoid that because i don’t want to lose him. I want to finally be able to say that he is mine and that i have finally got the boy who i wanted for 3 years but never really had. Should i wait till we meet and still keep the feelings or shall i stop and get over him, and how shall i because honestly i have no clue. Also, ive tried to not talk to him, but i cant do it, i just cant. If i don’t call, or text he wouldn’t. he honestly doesn’t try, but then when i confront him about that he says i don’t understand how much he is trying and that its hard to say how he exactly feels. he then switches it back to me and says its my fault for leaving him 3 times when he went for my best mates but he always says its me, hes also very vain, he boosts his ego a lot and i get why he does that but its also making him talk to a lot of girls, and im just one of them at the end of the day but then he trieswith me more than the others apparently but to me he really isn’t trying. Am i being stupid talking to him and shall i stop or shall i keep going?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi Allison
The question is how much do you value yourself? is the relationship healthy to go on?
Jenna B
February 20, 2016 at 7:52 pm
I last posted about my ex finding a new girlfriend, which according to a friend they broke up after two weeks because she was “crazy” so I assume he dumped her. Just before they got together he basically told me he didn’t want to talk to me, and I’ve been implementing the NCR while I work out whether or not I do want him back after what he did to me. Now I still work with my ex as he’s my supervisor, and we work in a place where I can’t do a proper work NCR because it’s very close-contact/teamwork orientated but I can work alone when I get the chance, but it’s meant I’ve had to interact in the banter with him. Three weeks after him telling me he doesn’t want to talk to me, in our last few shifts together, he’s been strangely amicable to me, asking my opinion on things, if I saw things online, and generally talking to me as if nothing has happened. Is this a sign he’s still interested in me in some way? I have no idea if he’s thought about me at all as he blocked me on social media, nor has he attempted to contact me, but the fact he is actively talking to me at work is confusing me considering his behaviour three weeks prior.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 11:21 am
Yes, because you’re not talking to him.. and if you’re looks changed height have noticed that too..
Taylor
February 17, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Hi! So I broke up with my ex back in November. We were not together for about two months and I met someone else. I began to miss him, and towards the end of that two months I wanted him back. We got back together but I was quickly irritated with him like I was when we broke up and ended it again after about a week and a half. It’s been about a month since then. Last week, my ex and I started talking a lot more (as we do live together) and I felt like we were on a good friend basis. He wanted to get back together but I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Over this weekend, he met a girl on Saturday night. The next thing I know, he has her at our apartment on Valentine’s Day spending the day with her while I was out of town. He said when I said I didn’t want a relationship on saturday night that established for him that he needed to move on and he did just that. When I got home Monday morning I found out and was a wreck. For the past two days I’ve been telling him I would be with him right now if he just left her, but he’s still been going to stay the night with her. I don’t understand how he could go from wanting me Saturday, to being head over heals about someone Sunday that he essentially doesn’t even know, and now not wanting me back since. I want him back so bad and he won’t even give me a chance. He won’t even hangout with me at the apartment because it would be “wrong of him” to do to this new girl. He said he wants to see how this goes and he doesn’t want me right now. He blocked my number so I couldn’t talk to him. It sounds like he really likes her and doesn’t care about me. Do you think I have any hope? I miss him so much. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 10:04 am
Hi Taylor,
He got tired of the back and forth of breaking up and getting back together.. the advantage you have os that you still live together.. but you can’t annoy him anymore.. for me, let him do this right now.. give him and let your silence and presence make him miss you.. tey to understand so, he will hear you out also later on and also focus on improving yourself especially physically
ANON S
February 16, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hey Chris,
I am so glad that I found this. It’s made me feel a whole lot more confident about myself and remembering what to do for next time. However, I wish I had seen this earlier so that I didn’t make the same mistakes I did after my break up with my ex. It’s been 8 months since my break up which ended on the worst terms! We broke up because he “had feelings” for the girl he admitted about cheating on me with, and they’ve been together ever since. One thing I don’t get is that, how can a guy just move on so quickly from a relationship that lasted for 1year and 5months? I didn’t take it very easily as it was my first break up EVER. It surely wasn’t his. I always questioned if I was ever good enough or if he wasn’t happy with me.
Fast forward, I am a lot more happier about being on my own now and seeing other people (mind you, it’s been 8 months). OUT OF NO WHERE: He’s recently contacted me through txt, asking if “I still had feelings for him” (mind you AGAIN, he’s still with the girl he’s cheated on me with!!!!) – my mistake was saying, “I’ll always feel some type of way” and then shut him down to leave me alone because he was totally disrespecting the NC rule – and he replied, “if that’s what you wish” – SO AFTER THAT I could not understand WHAT HE REALLY WANTED?! It literally had me fkd me up and emotions just hit me once again. Moving on, it’s been only a few days since that text message and he’s called me TWICE LAST NIGHT! and then texted, asking if I called him the night before?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? He will NEVER understand the NC rule. Especially, last year, when he or his new gf would constantly request to follow me on instagram – trying to lurk. I’m so confused right now.
As you can see by the CAPS, I am in NEED of help. Urgently.
Please and thank you.
Anon S
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 1:25 pm
Hi Anon S,
Just let him be for now.. maybe they’re havin problems and he can see your posts and then he started to miss you
Sigma
February 15, 2016 at 6:28 pm
Hi,
I did something bad. I went into stalking mode on Facebook to see if he was dating someone new, and when I get into his wall, the last posts were from his birthday (September) and a particular post caught my attention: it was a girl (who’s he’s been friends with for a while i think but i never met her nor heard about her) who posted a long birthday message to him and then posted a picture of the two of them together. He seemed to be resting his back on her chest, they looked really close. And this was two months after the break up. Every time this girl postes a profile picture, he always comments “beautiful” or “bellisima” with a heart. Just this made me want to reconsider even talking to him. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 8:08 am
but that was before you started texting again right? If it will cause a fight better not talk about it yet
Sharon
February 13, 2016 at 9:10 am
My ex broke up with me but won’t give me exact details about the reason. Here’s what happened. Nov- Dec 2015 was a hell-like in our relationship. He is usually irritated and won’t talk to me about what’s bothering him. I always find him drinking and smoking ( not usual of him). He broke up with me in Dec saying that he fell out of love. blah blah (but he’s crying and crying when he called to end the relationship). After such, he texted me that I am the woman he want to be with during lifetime and that he wishes that God will permit us to be fine at the time he will win over the test God has given him (idk about what the test is). I seemed begging for him last January 2016 but bcoz of hurtful texts i decide the NC rule since Jan. 21 to date (Feb. 13). I spammed his number and just opened it yesterday and I got 3 texts from him. the last one was Feb. 7 saying that he’s going to the awarding of their company and that it instantly reminded about me. and even he called at 12:28 and 12:29 midnight but wasnt able to catch the call since I abandoned my phone bcoz of hurt ;( . He even said last January “I’m hurting myself for not texting for days” “Its hard to hear that You dont want to be with me anymore bcoz you will just be hurt”. He oftenly drinks. I’m confused if he is just depressed or just wanted me out of his life. (Apologies if Ive reached about depression since Ive read stuffs about it and he shows some signs. ) Thanks anyway! Sometimes when he contacts me I suppose he still is concerned with me.
Sharon
March 17, 2016 at 8:40 am
I really don’t know. ;( I’m still looking for more signs that he still loves me. But I will be really happy if he will text or call me saying his feelings for me. I hope it will happen. I will update for any progress soon. ;(
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Hi Sharon,
So, what’s decision on what to do after nc?
Sigma
February 10, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Hi Chris!
A month ago I reinitialised contact with my ex, talking to him every two or three days (I tried hard to not talk to him every day to give each other space). It’s now February, and I’m transitioning to talking to him at least a bit every day, and seems to be working since there would be days he sends me messages (on messenger, usually funny pictures) after me not talking to him all day. Also, he likes to occasionally do a poking and tickle game we used to have. Just last week, he started answering to my texts. When we talk, it’s mostly about the funny pictures we find here and there, but he rarely asks me how was my day, school, work (I’m always asking these things), some days at most he’d ask “what am I up to.” I feel it’s almost like he likes having me there but not knowing about me.
What do you think and would you suggest?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 11:37 am
Maybe it’s not that interesting for him to talk about what you two have been doing in a day.. Have you tried talking about things that he’s really interested in?
Janey
February 9, 2016 at 7:37 am
My story is a bit complicated. Basically my ex and I still love each other and care for each other deeply. He is over 2,000 miles away across the country and he has a great job that he doesn’t want to leave to move to where I am. I also have a good job where I am and do not want to go back to the cold. He has also told me that he doesn’t want to marry the first girl that he has ever been with/dated. Does this mean its really over? Even though the feelings are so strong? I am also doing the no contact rule.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2016 at 12:04 pm
Nope, but sorry to say, but if he doesn’t want to marry you or that means he’s feelings is not that strong enough
NM
February 6, 2016 at 6:06 am
Hi Chris! I broke up my boyfriend 2 weeks ago mostly the cause of the break up was he need to focus more on his priorities.. I let him go plus I also needed to focus on my studies also… I did grieve for the lost of relationship for two days but I tried to act normal and be okay… I busied myself with studies, working and helping my brother prepared his upcoming wedding the annoying part is my ex was invited to the wedding he is the best man while im the maid of honor my family and friends didn’t know about the break up since i don’t really need gossips and question regarding my relationship status (only my mother and few of my closest friend knows the situation) especially when i am busy with everything… I tried to avoid and ignore him at school, casually talks to him when i need to and sometimes I act disinterested to him… the funny part is that two days ago he started bothering me with texts and calls (Often miscalled) I’m kinda bit happy because that maybe he still love me but a part of says ‘meh he is the one ask the breakup..’ I still love him.. but he has more important priorities…
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 3:45 pm
Hi Nm,
hmm so do you mean, you’re choosing to move on?
Laura
February 4, 2016 at 2:29 am
Hello, I broke up with my ex just over two weeks ago and I basically did all the “Dont’s” and texted him long paragraphs about wanting him back and saying how we should give each other a second chance even when we had a lot of problems and he didn’t treat me as good as he could have and he knew that he wasn’t being good and according to him, he chose to be like that and now his feelings changed and whatever. He broke up with me a month after I begged him not to break up because he wanted to break up on December but I begged him not to and we stayed together until The beginning of January when I again on my jealousy tantrums accused him of flirting with a girl because I found out he had bought her a present for Christmas and I was like what the hell?? Like you don’t do that and he would constantly be texting other girls but they were just friends since they had boyfriends themselves but yeah like I would get pissed and he would still do it, that was probably the main reason why and he would get annoyed by me being jealous but I mean wasn’t I right too to be?! Anyway, the other day at work he comes and does this weird sound he used to make when we were together like the “Boo!” Sound of someone coming from behind you and then he helped me put things away that I needed to do but I completely ignored and I also haven’t texted back again. But what he did still rings on my head, like why would you even try to talk to me?? Why???
Laura
February 5, 2016 at 7:25 pm
I don’t know if ignoring him is going anywhere, because he doesn’t texts or anything and I still wanna talk to him and try to fix whatever was bothering him but I don’t know how and I’m sure that even after 30 days he’s not gonna text me
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 11:45 am
But you said that he’s approaching you again at work right? maybe he’s noticing the change.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 4:33 am
Hi Lauren,
so, you’re ignoring him because you’re doing nc?
Lilly
February 1, 2016 at 11:22 am
Hey Chris,
So…I’m a little bit confused about my situation. My ex and I dated for a month in high school, and then 11 months later, he started dating another girl for about 2 years. So during the time he and his ex dated, both summers he would contact and talk to me all the time, saying thathat he wanted to keep in contact with me and still cares about my well being and be friends. And then when school started in the fall, he would see me in the hallways and ignore me like we don’t know each other, and thathe included texting. Foward a little bit: we both graduated high school on May of 2014, and during that summer and the fall when we started college (we’re going to the same school), he talked to me again, after his ex rrally broke up with him for good (during the summer). And it’s weird, because after I figured out that he did this, I kind of stopped talking to him after last summer(2015), because I became legitimately busy with family and work, and then afterwards I never bothered to reply back. And now, I have met and been dating another guy from September 2014 to currently, and then my ex contacted me again a couple of days ago, saying he wants to catch up. I’m so confused about his and my relationship, that even my current boyfriend is worried that I might leave him for ex, even though my ex and I, over the years became good friends. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:59 am
Hi Lily
To be honest, you’re his summer fling or his girl on the side. He views you as somebody that’s cool with it. But you have a boyfriend now, and if you’re really serious with him, don’t mind the other guy. He wants to be friends? Sure but if he’s flirty, stop texting him.
Anomonous 25
January 27, 2016 at 5:22 pm
hey chris. my partner decided in new year he wanted a break with contact. he said he loved me and cared but that was it. didn’t want our house anymore which we have recently bought and cant deal with upset i am going through due to family matters. i decided against no contact in end during break because it was too hard to hear his voice. i learnt alot during break and ensured he knew that and changed some habits of mine. after 5 days i text him after speaking with his parents and understanding more about why he wanted the break. i subtly sent a text about going to have a cup of tea at weekend to which he said he wanted. the day before the weekend came he phoned me and apologised for everything and wanted to leave it all in past. weekend came, we chatted, got very quickly back to normal. recently bought a house to which he said he wanted with me now. between then and 2 days ago we started drifting again, i was putting my all in but he i could see was struggling although denied he was, i eventually got it out of him as he seemed upset, he said he cant hold me anymore and wants to finish because its to painful to see my face when he cant hold me. i’m struggling to accept it as its been only 3 weeks since the break, it was great after the break but we hadn’t seen eachother alot since it to fully try and recover due to work commitments so i’ve told him i cant accept it and want to try harder. he still loves me and cares for me he says and that he is going to miss me terribly like on the break so my point of it all is well why let all that go to waste. i’m not getting anywhere just anger that i woke him up when i text to say the next day i wont accept it. ill fight for us all i can. i don’t know what to do. obviously i’m not going to text again? but because we bought a house, not living in it but doing it up, we have to get work finished together to sell it, its really hard.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2016 at 11:20 am
Hi Anonymous 25,
So, that means you still have to meet right? To fix the house so it can get sold?
A
January 4, 2016 at 5:40 am
Question!!! Hey Chris..It’s. A.. Is it possible to implement the no contact rule for too long?
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 11:32 pm
It is definitely possible.
Fun fact, did you know it takes 66 days to form a new habit. It also takes 66 days to break a habit. So, by this logic your ex boyfriend could potentially get out of the habit of thinking about you in 66 days after the breakup. So, I would say you wouldn’t want your NC rule to last longer than 66 days.
Anna
January 3, 2016 at 1:13 pm
My ex and I broke up 5 months ago he got into a relationship after a month he’s now got engaged and moved in with her we were together 25 years he now says he wants me back but is not ready to end it with her.
I feel he’s just keeping me hanging on in case things don’t work out .
He tells me no he’s still in love with me and misses me .
But then why doesn’t he end it with her.?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Anna,
I think you’re right with what you feel.
Mary
January 3, 2016 at 4:42 am
Hi Chris,
So me and my ex boyfriend broke up on the last week of October, and it was right before my birthday (which was the following Monday). We’ve been dating for almost 7 months when we broke up. His reason for the break up was that he needed space. Granted sometimes I would get upset or over react if he didn’t want to hang out or whatever. On top of that, we work together (his office is next to mine) and after work we see each other. Basically we were always together almost everyday. And I would sleepover his place some weekends. (Some of the things I did, when we were together, was wrong, but after the break up I have learned and changed not for him but for myself). From the start of the relationship it was great we had arguments and he would ask me to give him space probably 2 or 3 times because we would always hangout with each other. There were times in our relationship where he would ask me about my expectations of I wanted from the relationship. Why would he ask, when I already told him?
Then after we broke up we hooked up 3 times. The third one was the roughest because we both still have feelings for each other. We want the relationship, but needed space to heal (his reason – I wanted to get back with him – I still do). We both expressed to be friends, but it’s been a hard break up so I guess we both feel like we can’t be friends at the moment because our emotions are still high. There were times where we were both jerks to each other (I already read that article). I did not follow the no contact rule (because I didn’t know about it) and I made mistakes where I begged him and his answer would always be “I’m not giving you a second chance right now”. We talked about the possibility of getting back together after we given each other space. But the last time I begged it was not good. At the end he said “Please stop. Leave me alone. Thanks.” Does he hate me? I know he lashed out because he cares. I feel like he’s giving me hope, but after I found out that he is talking to this girl (that I am friends with and she also works at the same place) I don’t know anymore. She likes him, but I don’t know if he likes her I guess. She also knew that we broke up and whenever I asked her if she liked anyone (I knew she did) she wouldn’t tell me and I asked her straight up if it was ex and she still said no. I know for my ex his weakness is girls (he’s a flirt), so if any girl would fill that void for him, even if that person he’s not attracted to (I asked when we were dating but then again I don’t know), he would feel needed. It’s been a little over 2 months since we broke up. I heard that they hung out today and I don’t know if it was just them two or with a group. I just feel disrespected I guess by both of them.
I am just so confused. I want to get back with him, but is it even worth it? Like I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Since that last bad convo of me begging, I’ve implemented the no contact rule. Since then he hasn’t talked to me, called me, texted me (me either). Other than saying hi at work (not everyday) or anything about work. Wait there were two times where we had a convo in a group setting and it felt normal, like friends. Theres a couple days before it ends and I just don’t know how to go about this. I wish I can tell you every little detail but that would be a novel. HELP!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 9:38 am
Hi Mary,
If you work together, at least it’s easier to show him how you’re improving while having no contact with him. Have a make over, go out with your other office mates after work, be proactive. Show him it’s his loss to let you go. Show him you got other things going on in your life now, other than just being with him like before.
Though I can’t guarantee he’ll be back, he’ll definitely see the change.
Mary
January 3, 2016 at 4:47 am
On top of that, he told me he saw a future with me and we did start making some plans like when to get married and stuff (which would be this year). He also gave me a ring to symbolize that that he bought two years ago and let his friend keep it till he was with a girl he see his future with and wanted to marry…. Sorry I just don’t get how he could have just switched his feelings like that.
A
December 28, 2015 at 8:32 pm
Hiya! Chris. It’s wonderful to meet you! I am a new groupie on your site & so happy to be here. I will refer to myself as A, for now. So look, your help from your guides is miraculous. I have the frantic caller for an ex. It was a wonderful “flip of the switch.” As you have said. But, he has moved, maybe permanently, right before we broke up, & we have a kid together. So, It’s ok, for right now, that I dont stick our toddler on the phone with him, right? My real question, if while going no contact, since he doesn’t see our kid right now anyway, can I continue my no contact without calling to let our child talk to him. And by doing this, does that create some sort of bad feelings towards me that he may have, or since I feel he kinda left us both, will this type of no contact be a good thing.
Mary
December 25, 2015 at 5:19 pm
I followed through on no contact and when I reached out he said he wanted to get together to hang out over the holidays but when the time came he changed his mind saying he needed more time. I haven’t responded and now he wished me a merry Xmas. Haven’t responded to that either. Do I respond? If so, how?
Elaine
December 21, 2015 at 6:29 am
Thanks for this very insightful site!
I purchased your book a while ago and I am actually reading it again!
My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. Immediately after, he got involved in another relationship that lasted 2 years. In all that time, I didn’t contact him at all. I got word (facebook) that they might have broken up. I texted to tell him I missed him as a friend and I wished we never were involved for that reason. We had a long texting that ended great and it surprised me even, then I stopped. NC. A month later, he texts me, says I am on his mind and asks if we can meet face to face. I said yes but to call me in a few days once I am in town (just to give me time to plot this through). I would love to see him of course.
Is he on the rebound to get over his latest ex or is there a potential to get back together as I intend? Where do I go from here
Thanks!