Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Confused

April 6, 2015 at 5:17 am

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago after almost a year of a long distance relationship more than 9,000km that separated us though we managed to see each other every 2 weeks or worst every month …

The end started after an argument over the phone he said he love me but was not in love with me, we did stay together but I could not get over that phrase, then a week after the phrase or 2 weeks ago he travelled we had dinner I was so cold he was reaching out then at my apt I said I did not love him anymore

He said I deserved someone better that could see what he could not and feel what he could not … the next day in a low moment I texted him: “Hey, the pain does not go away” …he never replied!

AND now the question to contact or not and how??? I will be travelling to Europe in 2 weeks and I was supposed to see him we planned this trip for a while …

I will just hit the 30 day mark of NC 5 days after I´ll land …what can I do ? should I write before arriving to meet me even for a weekend? Not at all?
LC2015

April 2, 2015 at 3:10 am

I am almost done my 30 days no contact. I am thinking to send him a text message like this, which one you think is better?

1st version: I was cleaning out my closet and saw superman T-shirt we buy together and it made me think of you for the first time in a while 🙂

2nd version: I was cleaning out my closet and saw superman T-shirt we buy together. Remember the night we worn together at hard rock and requested our favorite song ” November rain”. it made me think of you for the first time in a while 🙂

admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:54 pm

I like the first version!

I love superman too.

(Batman is my fav but superman is awesome too.)

Jay

March 31, 2015 at 7:32 pm

Hi Chris!

My ex and I would use snapchat a lot more than texting. We would use snap chat as a way to flirt as well as have conversations. We would text whenever we would tell each other if we were leaving (to go hang out with each other) or something random. My question is, when reaching out should I use snapchat since that was our form of conversation or should I reach out to contact using text messaging?

Thanks!!

admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:59 pm

I think you can use snapchat for this.

Danielle

March 31, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Hi Guys,

me and my now ex boyfriend broke up just before christmas. Me being only 21 and him 22 i felt like moving out was too soon, however, he pushed and pushed and we eventually moved out.

5 months down the line he said he didnt have feelings for me anymore and that we felt more like friends. I moved back to my parents and so did he.

Once we had split up, i deleted him off any social media i had and didnt contact him. When i was out and we were at the same place he would come up to me and try act like we were back in a relationship.

Eventually, end of December i didnt respond from any texts or calls and at the end of Jan he messaged me asking to meet up for a chat. I met up with him and he told me did love me and loved me all along, he just needed time to do his own thing. He wanted to get back with me but i was very reluctant too, after a couple of weeks of us going out on dates, we decided to give it another go.

We were good for two months, no arguments, going out doing our own things. Thursday evening of last week rang me and said about us booking a holiday to Turkey, this is where we went on our first holiday, he was working away that night so he said we would book it on the friday when he was back. Friday morning he rang me, all fine, said i will see you later and then friday lunch i got a text message that it wasnt working out for him.

I have not contacted him since. It is so hard as i have not only been hurt once by him but twice but i cannot let go?

Any advice?

Anna

April 1, 2015 at 3:54 pm

Hi,
Omg! I had a jerk of a boyfriend once too who broke it off with me over the phone! No ‘balls’! You deserve someone who will treat you right! There’s someone better out there for you!
Anna
admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:45 pm

AMEN!
Danielle

March 31, 2015 at 2:43 pm

Forgot to mention we were together for 5 years.

Rachel

March 30, 2015 at 9:12 pm

So I went NC for about 40 days in which my ex contacted me by text once. When I got back in contact things were slow to begin with (expected). He initiated contact each day for the next 4 days. He then finally asked me how i am on the 4th day. i replied being positive then asked him how he was. he replied positive. i then asked about his family and he literally ignored it and hes not the type to ignore. what the heck is going on here? should i have just left it? i finally thought we were having a decent conversation and his messages were the same length as mine…

Do you think he’s playing mind games?
Lea

March 30, 2015 at 4:42 pm

Hello
I broke up with my boyfriend last week because he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Also he lost his feelings for me, because of all the fights we had. When he broke up we had a big fight, but afterwards we talked about it and seperated as friends. The problem is: I don’t want to be friends, I want to be his girlfriend. I want to follow yours steps but I don’t really know if I could still do the first step because for the last week, we have been texting each other like friends, with a lot of smilies, very friendly. Should I still do the first step?
Lily

March 30, 2015 at 1:37 pm

So I met this guy off tinder, and he was the sweetest thing in the world. The problem was he was always incredibly busy. I actually love this in a man, and would rather see a guy twice a week than have them clinging to me 7 days a week. Towards the end of the relationship, he got incredibly paranoid that I was unhappy (even though I wasn’t). I suggested breaking up a few times but he decided that not seeing me simply wasn’t an option. He’s very independent (as am I) and hard to read. This is why it was a massive shock when the other week he sent me an ominous text suggesting he wanted to break up. He came over the same day and I was so so so scared of hearing the words ‘I don’t want to see you’ leave his mouth that I simply said ‘I know what you’re going to say, and I agree that it’s not working out.’ He seemed shocked but then said ‘I guess, yeah.’ I regretted saying it ASAP and tried to bargain a little but it seems like as soon as I said those words his head left the building.
He hasn’t contacted me, but also hasn’t deleted me on any type of social media. He still watches my snapchat stories (immature I know, but I love my snapchat).
We are both in our early 20s and I feel like I gave up on this one too soon. Any personalised advice as to how I could get this guy back?

Lily

March 30, 2015 at 1:39 pm

Oh and also we were together for 7, nearly 8 months.

priya

March 28, 2015 at 12:32 pm

Hi…. my bf broke up with me a week ago…. i still messaged him in between and he did reply although it was short… should i go in to the no contact rule still??
Also his birthday is next week should i get him a gift?

Andrea

March 30, 2015 at 12:53 am

I would recommend going into the no contact rule EXCEPT on his birthday so it’ll leave him confused, that you aren’t talking to him an yet you still got him something small (and maybe something that relates to your relationship). I think it’s a good way to leave him with many questions

Jessica

March 28, 2015 at 11:48 am

thanks for the info. I was dating(like commitment) this boy and it was perfect then he got so busy and told me he didn wanna text as much. I like got five texts a day him but I can see him snapchatting other girls all day. and he kept bringing up girls and I could see him texting them and one was about getting wine and hanging out. ( he said they had a bf but when I looked they didn’t) lfelt I didn’t matter, and he didn’t care even though he said he did. I tried to wait it out but it wasn’t getting better so I dumped him but he chased me and was like trying to make it work then saying no you want to much (he acted like a day a week was too much) his excuse was we were out of the honey moon phase. it was two months. he jut wouldn’t grasp what I was saying he just kept going back to that statement. so he made it seem like we would work out then be like no probably five times. and every time he said no I would tell him to leave then. finally he said bye and walked slowly away and kept starting. okay it’s been 3 weeks I have not responded 🙂 he’s texted me “are you okay”, ” do you hate me” “I hope you had a good day and all is going well jess”, “just for the record I do miss you but I think this is for the best” and then ” will you talk to me yet? I want to know how you are doing”. I let him see me having fun on facebook and snapchat the first two weeks with girls bc I was having a blast regardless and then I deleted him off them so he couldn’t see anything. i just want to know what those texts mean?
thanks for your time!
Michelle

March 26, 2015 at 9:02 am

Hi.
I am 2½ weeks into NC and going on strong. I am beginning to wonder what to write to him when NC ends, since we didn’t do that much stuff together except having a great time at home (we were only togehter for at couple of months).

I think he has changed his number, so i will have to write him on Facebook. is that okay? Also, can i write one of these examples:

“Just watched tv and came across XXX. Came to think about you and the night we watched it and how much we laughed about it. Hope you are doing great.”

Or

“Just found your perfume when i was doing some cleaning and came to think about you. Hope you are doing great”.

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:32 pm

I like the first one.

Jay

March 25, 2015 at 11:17 pm

Do you have to reach out to him after 30 days of no contact? I understand in some cases it might take longer for no contact, but my ex seemed like he might have left it open in the future. We never fought either and we had a good relationship regardless. I’m honestly not sure what really triggered his sudden change in attitude.

I’m not sure if it was a tactic to just let me go gently, but he said he can’t balance out hanging out with me, school, work, and his hobbies. We would only see each other one day a week and after 4 months of dating, I reached out to see if we could possible see each other more. Before that, he would make comments about wanting to spend more time with me, but when I suggested it, he seemed to withdraw from me. Like he would take forever on our days we’d see each other to reach out and would cut our night shorter and shorter. When I brought up that it was getting late on the day that we were supposed to hang, he said he lost track of time. I understand that it can happen, but we only see each other once a day and I look forward to our day together (like its hard for me to lose track of time bc I want to see him). I felt like I wasnt a priority and brought it to his attention.

It was like he instantly admitted defeat and said that I’d be better off without him. It didn’t seem to matter what I said, he let me go. After a couple days of thinking, I reached out to clear the air between us (it ended kind of stiffly since I was hurt) and wanted to fix it between us, if he was willing. That’s where he confused me since he said that he didn’t know what was wrong with him and that I was one of the best people to walk into his life (he hasn’t had many relationships or one that lasted as long as we did) but that he wanted to be alone right now, that he had some searching for himself to do. I respect his need for space, but I’m trying to win him back so I wasn’t sure if I needed to be the one to reach out after NC.

If you have any insight of what he could be thinking that would be great too. I want him back but if it’s a lost cause, I’m don’t want to spend months on trying to win him back if it just not possible.

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:11 pm

I recommend it but obviously this is your situation and not mine.

kylie

March 24, 2015 at 10:15 am

i am in such a bad position. me and my ex of 5 years have a 2 year old daughter. i am also currently 17 weeks pregnant with his next child. we split up 8 weeks ago. it was a very nasty horrible break up. some physically abuse on his side and verbal abuse on my side. we are currently living in separate houses. he wants to relocate back to where my family and his friends live. we originally stated in the same location to see if we could work things out
now he has told me its over and he can put himself or our daughter through that hurt again. after he told me he texted me and has started to be be. before this all i have been getting is abusive messages. what is he playing at. am i holding on to hope that he will take us back. i don’t get why he is being nice after he has told me its over. he never tells his mates or family when we fight and now he has this time so does this mean its really over. please help im not coping to well at all.

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:35 pm

I am repulsed that his would physically abuse you when your pregnant. It sickens me when any women is hit but during pregnancy is the lowest of the low. I HIGHLY recommend that you do not go back to this guy. I’d also recommend making sure this abuse is documented so that he will have supervised visits with the kids if he’s even allowed to see them at all. If he hit you, it’s likely he will hit them in the future. You have to look out for your children in this case.
kylie

March 24, 2015 at 10:17 am

spelling mistake. meant to say he has started to be nice.

Sylvie

March 24, 2015 at 9:50 am

The website is very interesting. I had a huge fight with my boyfriend with whom I have had a very difficult kind of relationship with. He keeps on cheating over and over again and each time with a different girl. He started threatening me a week ago. I have decided not to contact him and I am gonna try the 45 days period and see what happens. Before we used to break up but he will always come looking for me after some days and I will always reply to his text or calls. This time things has gotten worse so I will try that and see what happens. Any advise

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:28 pm

45 day’s seems great! If he keeps cheating on you, why do you want him back? Generally that pattern will be continued throughout his life depending on his current age. How old is he?

Lisa

March 24, 2015 at 1:51 am

Great Article! What do you think I should do?

Met this wonderful guy online. Our first date was incredible and we hit it off ever since. Durning our short but sweet relationship, I had a lot of doubts and insecuirties. Long story short, he noticed I was unhappy and we both decided to mutually break up because we both weren’t ready to really work on the relationship. He said he is afraid that he won’t be able to give what I need because he’s so busy. He said maybe down the road, our circumstances will change and it might work.. Anyway, this has given me false hope. I miss him and now Im so tempted to text him asking “Did we make the right decision?” He admitted he had strong feelings for me, but if he really cared wouldnt he try to make it work? It sucks because the break up was mutual and ended off on good terms. We decided to be friends but I havent heard from him since we broke up 2 days ago. Is it possible I can still slavage this relationship? Or should I wait till he texts me?

admin

March 25, 2015 at 8:03 pm

Sure it is, I would actually recommend reading hte other articles on this site.

Sarah

March 22, 2015 at 8:11 pm

Hi Chris, I was with my ex for nearly a year and we were soul mates, we’d bother never felt like this for eachother. We broke up because he had a child with another woman and he couldn’t handle not seeing his child everyday so now he is back with the mother of his child. We have never had no contact and send eachother drunk text messages almost every week(we have been broken up for over a year) last night was the first time ive seen him we were texting as usual and he came to my house and he cried about how much he misses me and I would do anything to be with him, we had sex and talked about how much we missed eachother and how nothing has ever felt so right. But he still won’t break up with the mother of his child. I don’t know what to do, do I follow the no contact for 30 days? Or do I try to pursue him while all the feelings are fresh again? I want to see him again and be with him but I just don’t know how. Please help. Thank you x

admin

March 24, 2015 at 8:07 pm

Yes you should follow the NC.

Also, go outside of this article and digest a lot of the other information on this site.

Paige

March 22, 2015 at 3:37 pm

I had been with my boyfriend about 5 months he was a great guy we hit it off right off the bat like two peas in a pod! Both he and his friends told me he has never wanted to ever marry anyone or have kids with anyone before me he and I were VERY much in LOVE. I made a huge mistake about two nights ago…I got black out drunk and ended up making out with another guy right in front of him. I begged him the next day, as I was getting my stuff from his place, to forgive me and that I would give up drinking that he meant more! He said he could never trust me again and no (no emotion nothing!). He told me I broke his heart! I feel horrible!!! I do love him VERY much…he asked me to give him space which I planned too! He called me later that same day saying he hoped I would make the changes I told him I would and that it was going to be really hard on him and that he really did love me! I said maybe sometime WAY later down the road MAYBE…. I did text him the next day and got not response…so I am going to do the no contact but what if he calls me do I answer? Or do you think I even have a chance to get him back?
Anna

March 21, 2015 at 11:43 pm

Hi,
I’m in a bit of a complicated situation: I met this guy through online. We just texted for a month and then we met and then again and again. The problem I have is that it’s pretty much all been through texting…it wasn’t at first but I recall my last relationship which was 10 years ago we mostly talked on the phone and just used texting to confirm meet up and that’s it. Here he never called me…he’s a year younger and doing his PhD. I just moved out of my parents place to bd closer to him (not really the reason but motivator). He told me he loves me and continues to text me BUT here is the problem: I haven’t seen him since before Christmas!! Yep!! I got ill… Had bad vertigo and lost my eyesight temporarily but now I’m better…I want to see him. What do I do? I’ve called him and he just texts me back. He’s divorced (age 32)…maybe that’s the issue…I’m not sure but I have no closure even…I do still have feelings for him and we have a great connection. I would love to hear some thoughts and advice. Thank you in advance.

admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:34 pm

Have you read my podcast episode on divorce?
Anna

March 22, 2015 at 10:24 pm

Hi,
I have listened but I’m still lost. It’s been over ten years since my last relationship (I’m 34) of only six months with a guy who broke up with me with no explanation and it was over the phone which pissed me off lol. I’ve noticed he checks our text conversations a few times a day. He has something of mine I left at his place and told him I’d like it back and he said we would meet but then nothing. Few days ago I texted him with an extension to our last chat which was an update on what I’m up to and he responded that he’s on his way back to the USA for a funeral…I wished him a good flight and that’s it. Then he’s checking messages…?
Anna

March 22, 2015 at 10:27 pm

Just to add to that…there hasn’t been that moment of an actual break up…need help!
Anna

March 25, 2015 at 10:10 pm

Should I get my item back? I can’t manage to meet with him an haven’t seen him since before Christmas…? Thank you.

kelly

March 21, 2015 at 6:04 pm

Hi,so me and my ex broke up 4 days ago. Everything was on such a high til valentines day then his grandad took who unfortunately passed away. My boyfriend said I wasn’t there but I spoke to him everyday asking if ok some times I’d get a reply sometimes nothing. He really distant himself. All he done since is slept or always tired. Anyways he send me a long txt message saying he couldn’t do it anymore and stated it could of be so different. So I went straight to his house to confront him and he apologise and said he loved me. Everything was good for a week then I txt saying fancy going out for dinner and he replied by saying no his heaet init but his head not, he’s constantly thinking of me but distant, so we talked and he said he couldn’t hurt me no more and I deserved better so ended the relationship….I’m so confused cos we were fine until the loss of his grandad. Is this due to grief?? And that’s the real end of our relationship? Relationship was amazing before valentines day 🙁

admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:14 pm

The two of you are broken up?

Or is it just kind of stale because of his grief?

Nathalie

March 20, 2015 at 9:08 am

Hi Chris

So I’m 5 days into the no contact period, and tomorrow is my ex bf birthday, was wondering do I wish him??

admin

March 22, 2015 at 4:14 pm

Nope, you don’t if you are in NC

pixie

March 19, 2015 at 7:13 pm

have been with my bf for 14 years. In january we bought a house and at xmas he said he wanted a family with me. Over the last few months he had been constantly telling me how much he loved me and how I was the other half of him etc. He had been under a huge amount of pressure over the last few months not related to the relationship and when this tends to happen he digs in deeper taking more on to distract himself. I have also been very unwell over the last few months. He bought us a trip to paris and bought a padlock to put on the bridge – our trip was the start of February but I could tell he was struggling he was quiet not showing his feelings. Two days before valentines he admitted we had lost the sale of the house and said he was depressed. I didnt react very well as he had been very cold 2 weeks prior. I believe he found out about the house about 2 weeks ago but didnt want to say to ruin the paris trip. On valentines day he said he couldnt do it anymore as I would never truely be his. I was hysterical of course. I havent spoke to him or seen him in 3 weeks. My dad spoke to him a week after which he was very open to doing and i took that as a good sign. They said they would speak in 2 weeks time but he has since ignored my dads text. I sent him a letter explaining things etc but I really dont know what to do. When he is under pressure he pushes me away and some how turns outside issues into issues with our relationship.
what do I do?? Am am distraught, having panic attacts
, I am physically shaking and am scared to death
Please give any advise I dont know what to do?? Please help

admin

March 22, 2015 at 3:49 pm

14 years, WOW!

Have you read my mixed signals page?
Pixie

March 22, 2015 at 9:57 pm

Thanks for the reply.

Yes I have just read that post. A huge amount of mixed signals from both sides – we have confused each other so much but I genuinely feel its a terrible misunderstanding. I think he had been testing me as I didnt show my feelings enough about the house, I always act indifferent (partially because we have been looking for a house for over 2 years with mortgages falling through etc so I remain reserved to save disappointment) I think pride and finances are involved – one day he’d say the mortgage was all sorted another day he’d say did you want to get your dad involved so your more a part of it all (ie help purchase the house) then he’d say it was going through fine, next he’d say his nan and grandad offered to help and so on….then the house had fallen through because there was a structural problem but I think he couldnt get the mortgage. Many of his friends now have houses, married etc and his yonger brother is having a child – he hit 30 and felt very disappointed ‘why havent we/ I got all that’ there must be something wrong. He sets himself some crazy expectations (mostly in regard to money and owning things) I could right pages on it. He also seems to feel a sense a responsibilty for EVERYONE in his life – he just puts himself under a silly amount of pressure when in reality circumstances are out of his control. I know he feels I havent shown that I will commit – I understand that now (my sister has been very unwell so I have been pulled between the two of them for a few years)
This happened about 3 yrs ago too. He didnt end it but disappeared for about 2 months. His grandad was ill, I was having surgery and so was he (except he didnt tell me) and he couldnt handle it. We resolved it and worked out the main issue was us needing to live together.
I was going to contact him mid next week as it will be 5 and a half weeks since I last spoke or heard from him ( about 4 weeks since I sent the letter)
I wanted to put ‘Hey T, I watched a program about Cornwall the other day – it reminded me of you. Fancy meeting for a coffee? x’
If you can help in any way Id be so grateful, thanks so much in advance
pixie

March 26, 2015 at 8:15 pm

Hey Mr Admin, so i decided to not go with coffee text as thought it was too soon. I sent a message instead wishing him a fab time when he goes on his trip this weekend. No reply tho – not sure he has read it as sent it via whatsapp and theres no blue tick ( I realise you can view messages by not going directly onto whatsapp tho)

What should I do now? Thank you for your help in advance – id be so grateful if you could reply 🙂
admin

March 29, 2015 at 3:12 pm

Just call me Chris!

Hmm… it may have been too soon altogether.

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2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”