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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Shirl
March 31, 2014 at 12:35 am
Me and my ex have broken up numerous of times and I would always give it another chance. This time, on the verge of another breakup I made him think we were good and that things were fine with us. The next day, I went NC because I wanted to do it on my terms. He did not see it coming. He has been calling frantically for two days. Last phone msg was he thinks I am out of town. Lol What he does not know is that I am on my way to NC to see if we can eventually work things out after the thirty days. Today is the first day I have not heard from him since he thinks I am away. I plan to stay NC for the 30 days. He has been calling my cell, my house phone as early as 6:00 a.m. and as late at 12 at night. Ladies do it before you get to the point of desperation and no return. For me, every day gets easier. Next week should be interesting. Turn the ringer off so you will not be tempted to pick up the phone. This is my 3rd day. Also it helps to keep busy.vvSo far it’s working for me.
admin
March 31, 2014 at 4:11 pm
Glad to hear it is working for you!!!
Ladybird
March 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm
Greetings all the way from South Africa 🙂 Long story short . I’m on the 10th day of the NC rule. You are right I’m realising exactly where I went wrong and how I could have handled the situation better. My issue is I gave this man keys to my home, he has not said anything about returning them . When would be the right time to request he return the key, or should I even ask for them. I still love him very much and want us to try again but I don’t want to chase him . I’m prepared to let go if he chooses not to come back.
Thanking you in advance for your response 🙂
EM
March 30, 2014 at 4:13 pm
Hi, I just discovered this site and I have read most of your posts and I find them very insightful. I did NC with my ex after he broke it off, ideally it says for 30 days. I have NC’d him for almost 3 months and I’m worried now that it’s too late and hes lost interest and possibly moved on. We dated for 1.5 yrs and our relationship was very deep and meaningful at one point, the relationship fell a part at the end bc we stopped getting along. I still love him very much and I know that he still cares but we just have too much baggage at the moment. He’s told me he has not moved on but I have reason to believe that he may not be completely honest, based on his character; he is a very private person and keeps his business to himself. Ive noticed that hes becoming very close to this girl who potentially has a thing for him – he said they are just friends. I’m so worried that any chances I still have with him are fading away. Can you please shine some light to my situation? Thanks!!
olivia14
April 2, 2014 at 9:06 pm
Dear Chris, My ex ( who has a gf now) calls me twice a day to say how I am doing. Also, I am the first person he thinks of when he is sick and asks for my advice. We have huge age difference and thats why he constantly fight with his minds. He is in his late 50s and I am in my 30s but I love him crazy and unconditionaly. Due to his age he broke up with me and doesn’t wanna take to the next level but calls me everyday.He doesn’t express anything..always act like a strong guy . I don’t kw what to do :(..I want him to express 🙁
admin
April 4, 2014 at 3:49 pm
You think maybe he still relies on you for emtoinal support?
olivia14
April 11, 2014 at 6:06 am
I am very confused. He doesn’t express anything, he sees his gf all the time but calls me everyday to check on me . Is there anyway to find out if he still loves me?
olivia14
April 15, 2014 at 5:43 pm
we met and we made out…not sure if it is cause he still has feelings for me
admin
April 16, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Hahaha well he has some type of feelings for you.
EM
March 30, 2014 at 4:55 pm
I would like to add that poor communication was also a huge factor for the breakup. I am working on applying what I’ve read from this site towards us. I would really like to know if I went NC for too long. Thank u!
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:13 pm
Explain the poor communication.
Em
March 31, 2014 at 12:26 am
Too many misunderstandings, we never expressed ourselves in an effective way. There were a lot of assumptions. Did i NC him for too long?
Sarah
March 30, 2014 at 6:24 am
Hi Chris,
A couple of weeks ago I wrote here that my NC ends a week before his birthday and you recommended braking NC a few days after his bday
just wanted to know what’s the reasoning behind that
thanks! 🙂
Ungettable girl
March 30, 2014 at 12:18 am
I’m so mad at myself. I was snooping his fb in an admitted moment of weakness on my phone… And accidentally liked a post someone posted on his was. I have been in no contact for about 2 and a half weeks, do I really have to start allll over :-/. Can I ad a week or something .. Ugh. No more snooping i promise. I’m so angry with myself. I was doing so well
ungettablegirl
March 29, 2014 at 5:06 am
IM SO MAADDD. I accidently liked my ex’s status on my news feed on my iphone. Does this mean I have to start over?!?!?!?! I was doing so good…and Im like almost 3 weeks in 🙁 UGHHH im so mad at myself. I would unlike it, but that would just be more obvious. Im pissed at myself. cant i just add a week or something.
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:25 pm
No its not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.
Ungettable girl
March 30, 2014 at 10:04 pm
He texted today . He must think I’m angry, said sorry if this text is unwelcome but I hope you’re doing well and finding things to do that make you smile.
JC
April 2, 2014 at 1:38 am
So did you respond to him?
And Chris, what are guys fishing for when they text saying Hi hope you are doing well? Is this them testing the power they still have?
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Probably testing the waters yes. Gauging a reaction from you.
Best Ex Advice - Thank you!
March 29, 2014 at 12:12 am
Hey Chris!
I have not been in contact or seen my ex for nearly three months. He ended the relationship and I was very hurt/upset and he was not. He texted me about 2 weeks ago asking how I was doing and I ignored him because I didn’t want to get my emotions going and I didn’t want to seem available at his whim. I know you said he will generally try to contact me again after I ignored his attempt after a few months of no contact. Is there an average time frame he will wait to contact me again? Its been a little over 2 weeks as of now.
Also his birthday is tomorrow, should I send him a text or just “ignore” his birthday? I’m not sure which approach is the best to get him back.
You are great Chris! Thanks so much!!!
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:40 pm
Ignore his bday… I know it is cruel but it’s NC.
Sara
March 28, 2014 at 7:34 pm
My boyfriends ex recently has come back into the picture. He has told me that he is confused. He loves me but has unresolved feelings for this girl. He knows she doesn’t love him and is only using him (I believe this is true after visiting with her)but he is obsessed with her maybe because its the only girl who has ever played him. He wanted me to wait becuse he believes I am the better choice and wants me to wait. I have told him repeatedly that I wont wait and he needs to choose. He has been playing the its you, its her, no you, no her game for about 2 months. I finally put my foot down and contacted her. He was mad and we didnt make any contact for 4 days then he has tried to call and text ever few days or so. It’s been is it ok if I leave my stuff at your house for awhile,What r u doing?, How r u? I broke down today and said Im great. Thanks. He then said Me 2 and then 15 min later said he would get his stuff from my house on Sund. He has been going to “get” his stuff from my house almost every weekend for the last two months. I know that Im supposed to be NC but how do I handle further texts about getting his things. Before he really didnt want to move them out he just wanted to scare me but I dont know if this time is different.
Angelique
March 28, 2014 at 6:10 am
Ok so I just found out about this “NC Rule” (thank god) & I’m hoping with all my heart I can get my ex back. He was my 1st everything…. 1 week ago he was telling me I mean a lot to him and that he loves me and that he’s going to try to keep it loyal to me while I’m in Texas for spring break. Well guess what…? The VERY next day he said there is another girl he’s starting to have feelings for…. They JUST met 2weeks ago I told him it’s rediculious and I was unbelievably upset…. I kept trying to talk to him. Asking him, what the hell are you doing?! He finally got his NEW girlfriend texting me saying, “Hiiii…. This is Taylor I’m Jonathan’s Girlfriend … And I just want you to know , we’re happily in love and I would appreciate it if you left him alone. I don’t wannt any drama with you. But he’s mine … All mine so sorry. He’s not getting back with you.” HER EXACT WORDS… I loved him more than anything and I’d do anything to take back what’s mine… Me & him were at it for 5 months. He was my best friend & my lover. Never had that before. Last I talked to him was yesterday because I feel like I might be pregnant… He was telling me that he’s actually going to miss me & my family & I truly believe he meant that… I’m starting the “NC Rule” today and I’m crossing my fingers that it works…. I hope he doesn’t go too far with her 🙁
admin
March 28, 2014 at 4:56 pm
Well, first things first. figure out if you are pregnant.
Angelique
March 30, 2014 at 1:46 am
Okay. I’m going to take a pregnancy test when I get back from vacation…. What do I do if I’m not pregnant??
Jill
March 26, 2014 at 9:25 pm
We were together 15 years. The relationship probably ended 6 months ago as my ex found someone else and I found this out on Facebook, anyway things have been going well. Last night he invited me over for dinner, I was not feeling well but he went to a lot of trouble to make dinner so went over. He was not there came home 1 hour later and said that he had been with his new partner overnight, his new partner was also an ex as he was into drugs and my ex also ended up doing drugs. This new partner hates me so much. So I handed his keys back and said that is your choice but I refuse to let him lead you down a wrong path with these drugs. He said they have changed, gee heart that before.
So here I am at day one of NC. I had been doing so well without him and annoyed that I let him talk me into going over for dinner. It’s about time that I wake up to the person that he truly is.
NC is so hard and I am only on day 1 🙁
admin
March 27, 2014 at 11:21 pm
15 years and you weren’t married? Why wouldn’t he propose?
marie
March 26, 2014 at 5:09 pm
Hi, I tried the no contact for 30 days, 2 weeks in to it he texted me, and i never responded, I went out had fun, lived life, went on a date, then when 30 days were over I texted him, kept it light and fun, he started messaging back and then i would end conversation 1st, then he would write back 2 days later staring up the conversation. Then a week later he called me up at 3 am saying he hadn’t stoped thinking about me and missing me, and he was sorry and he was confused with his life and work, and he needed to talk to me. i was friendly and there for him on the phone, and he even asked if i would come over, i said no. The next day he showed up at my house early, saying he needed to talk. He told me he was moving out of the country back to his home, so i dont know what i expected… he kept hugging me and then he started kissing me… then i broke, i told him how i felt, that i still loved him, that i wanted to still be with him… then he changed back and all of a sudden was retracting what he’d been saying, saying he just wanted to be friends, and that he only wanted me in his life as a friend… I know I failed because I caved and I didn’t play it strong and indifferent. I feel like my hearts broken all over again. I dont know what to do.
JC
April 2, 2014 at 1:41 am
Start no contact rule over again.
Lisha
March 26, 2014 at 10:40 am
Me and ex just broke up three weeks back and he decided to bring in some lady in the house and told me it was over coz he wouldn’t cheat on the girl with me. All I did I was to move on but I used to call him talk coz I didn’t know about the NC but ow I want to start it and ops it will help coz I need him back
Nadeen
March 25, 2014 at 10:53 pm
Hi Chris!
Me and my bf were extremely committed. Before the breakup he would promise me forever and wore a commitment ring and tell his parents I am. The one. I got along with everyone around him; He truly believed and I truly believed i was the one.
After he started having extreme money issues and us fighting a lot, it stressed him out and pushed him away. He was really confused for weeks and did not know what he wanted from me: he would ask to hangout and be lovey then want his space. Also he would still act like in a relationship in a way- other girls were off lims and if I saw somethin that hurt he would apologize and say it will not happen. I eventually yelled at him and told him to tell me in person of its over but he always came up with an excuse to not do that until I showed up at his place and he told me to move on and accept it and that i pushed him away and now his hearts clouded with anger. He said we arent working out right now and he cant see a future because of how he feels. I know i pushed him away with my jelousy but ai didnt think it would actually get to this point. Maybe i shouldnt have forced him to talk because he wasnt ready but he seemed pretty direct and cold. He told me that maybe he will realize he cant live without me but maybe well move on and he doesnt know. Before I walked out he pulled me in for rlly long hug and i felt he loved me so it made it hard and he told me to txt if i need anything.
I didnt think he would text me any time soon but to my surprise he texted me the next say saying “ur invited to come watch a show”. Its a show we always watch together- i ignored but he got mad and said “u can atleast say no thanks” so i did. Im confused because why would he text me right after he said we cannot contact eachother and allow eachother to move on? He told me he hasnt rlly accepted that we are broken up or thought about it much because he is always working. I told him to delete me off social media if he is serious about the breakup and he still hasnt- he says “when hes ready” he will. I literally was there for this guy through everything- leant him money, cook for him, comfort him, and even when he wanted space ide come over whenever like a fool. But now i wanna show him he cannot have me whenever he wants and he is really losing something special. He knows im special but i know that my jelousy and fighting has pushed him away.
Is there a possibility? And why did he text me the day after?
herbert
March 25, 2014 at 3:58 am
My gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago.she started a new job and I was having trouble adjusting to her having less time for me. She finally got tired of it and decided to break it off. At first I tried very hard to get her back but I realized it was only making things worse. She told me at this point in time she didn’t want to get back together. She started being very cold with me in her replies so I decided to start NC. Today after 4 days I have in and called her. We had a nice little talk then just said goodbye and hung up. She told me it felt like I hadn’t talked to her in a long time and that she was wondering how I was doing. Should I continue NC or try and talk to her?
admin
March 25, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Check out Ex Girlfriend Recovery dot com!
Sarah
March 24, 2014 at 11:50 am
Hi Chris!
so I am in the middle of NC, the end date is on the 8.4. he didn’t contact me but no big deal! because that doesn’t mean NC isn’t working 😉
(I’ve blocked him on facebook and erased him from my phone, so I won’t constantly check his page or when was he last on whatsapp. I do talk a bit to mutual friends, but since I went into NC about 10 days after the brake up I’m avoiding from mentioning him and our breakup)
my question is- though NC is over on the 8th, his birthday is on the 14th of April (and mine is on the 21st). Do you think it would be a better idea to wait the week till his birthday to brake NC, and just send a simple ‘happy birthday’? It feels like a more natural point to do so to me…
also, if I do that, if he only answers “thank you” is it ok to send a “how are you”?
thank you for you’r answer! 🙂
(Sorry for leaving this comment on another page as well, but after I did I thought it to be more about the subject of this page)
admin
March 24, 2014 at 6:11 pm
Leave all the comments you want.
I think wait until a little after his bday to break NC.
Jessica
March 23, 2014 at 11:40 pm
My bf and I broke up six months ago. I broke up with him bc I thought he didnt care, I started hanging out with another guy, then hung out with my ex but once he found out I was hanging out with another guy (after we broke up and after we agreed we could see other people) he got super angry and it has sucked since december. I initiated no contact two months ago. He has facebooked me a couple times, I am short when I answer. His birthday is on saturday. I want to call him that night (make him sweat it out a bit) and ask to go for a drink later next week. Bad idea? Good idea? Once again, it will be more than 60 days at that point.
admin
April 2, 2014 at 5:06 pm
Youve been in NC for 60 days so far???
JC
April 2, 2014 at 1:44 am
I hope Chris answers you on this one. I am curious to know what you should do.
felicity
March 23, 2014 at 8:47 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about 6weeks age. We have been together 10years and lived together until 2years ago. He is an abusive alcoholic, which is why he moved out. After he entered treatment we eventually got back together and were trying to work things out. We’ve been back together about a year until he started drinking again.
He decided he wants to keep drinking and thinks its best for him to exit our lives because of it. He says he’s tired of trying and its no longer making him happy. Also, he is severly bipolar and will not take his medication.
He broke up with me the week I found out I have cancer. This is when he said he’s just not happy anymore. I am having a hard time with nc. I have to start radiation treatments 5 times per week and I need his help with our youngest son. Also, he comes over for dinner a few times a week because he’s broke and can’t take the kids to his house. We also end up spending the night together 3-4nights a week because everytime he calls and is drunk or can’t drive etc I come running.
How can I do nc when I’m trying to help him maintain so he can help me with the kids when I start treatment. Normally I would do nc wait for him to crash and help him put his life back and things would be good for another couple years, but this time I feel like I can’t wait for that to happen.
admin
March 24, 2014 at 5:47 pm
Honestly… I don’t think you should try to get him back. If he was an abusive alcoholic I say move on. I know its hard to hear but any man who abuses you deserves to rot in jail.
felicity
March 28, 2014 at 12:33 am
I know you’re right, and being a behavior thereapist I had to take a step back to examine my behavior throughly. His breaking up with me was a complete extinction burst from me trying to modify his behavior and I fell for it. It took a few weeks but I can acknowledge that I didn’t want to be with him until he ended it. I totally played into what he was trying to do. Silly emotions its always much better to step back and think logically.
admin
March 28, 2014 at 4:37 pm
Behavior therapist. Tell me about that I am very interested.
Emotions always have a way of clouding logic don’t they. But thats the thing. Emotions can also be incredible and overwhelming.
felicity
March 28, 2014 at 9:57 pm
I do behavior therapy with mainly adults that have developmental disabilities (ie: autism/downs/etc) but the same tools work for everybody.
Its a basic individualized behavior plan that breaks down the negative behavior into manageable positive steps.
There’s way more to it, but I don’t know what all you want to know. You actually use a lot of it in this site. The no contact period is basically an active ignoring method mixed with a reinforcement “time-out” period.
Its amazing you write so eloquently on the subject in laymen terms I assumed you must have had a behavioral background.
admin
March 30, 2014 at 8:38 pm
Nope…
I am just an average guy that has a tendancy to think too much and write too much.
Kathy
March 22, 2014 at 11:23 pm
So I wrote a comment on this website when I was going thrugh a brake up. I follow everything Chris said. The first time my ex contacted me I knew it was only bc he felt guilty so I guess he wanted to know how I was doing but I never picked up. He called again three times and again I didn’t want to pick up until finally one day (3 weeks ago) he called from an unknown # and it was him, we spoke and I can’t believe after three months he still loves me, he invited me to a concert but I declined bc I’m not ready and for two weeks we have been keeping in touch only I’m playing hard to get but I think I’m doing it way to much… And everyday that goes by I’m scare that he might meet someone else.. I keep rejecting him and I told him I can’t be friends with him right now… But deep inside I’m dying to get back with him… I don’t know what to do! Should I call him Chris?
admin
March 23, 2014 at 4:54 pm
I think if you want him you aren’t doing any favors rejecting him if you want him back. He is trying to advance things and you aren’t giving him the chance to. I mean, usually NC is good for this but it seems you are way past that.
Ariel
March 22, 2014 at 12:00 am
Hey guys its been 10 days no contact and I’m really struggling. Will he ever contact me or anything? Does he think about me? I don’t have FB and I don’t think he’s having any reminders of me. Should i get it and he and look at my page and all? Or is it better that I don’t and he’s wondering what I’m doing? Please any help just need some encouragement and not to lose hope thanks!!
admin
March 22, 2014 at 6:24 pm
No jsut finish NC out right now. Have you read any of my other NC guides?
lisa
March 21, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Hi just wanna know if the contact rule will work for me because i love him n i can’t be without him n i know he love me we been off and on for a year but have trust issues from a old relationship so its hard for me to trust him so he broke up with me because i keep a accusing him of cheating on me n he got tried of that and on top of all the i am 6 months pregnant with his child is the Contact rule still possible for me to win him back????
admin
March 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm
It can work but since you are pregnant you can’t go full NC on certain parts.