The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Michelle

August 11, 2014 at 8:01 pm

Where did my post disappear too it was there this morning.

admin

August 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

Is it on another page?

Kristen B

August 11, 2014 at 4:30 pm

24 days into NC now. Up until a little before halfway mark of NC I had checked his Facebook and saw a girl that he works with writing on his wall. Do I need to start over NC at all?
Could I extend my NC a few days or just follow the 30 days and text him on the 30th day?

admin

August 12, 2014 at 11:33 am

I tend to think 30 days is more than enough.

Michelle

August 11, 2014 at 12:48 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up as we have been arguing alot lately mostly because he hasnt had any time for me lately. His birthday is tomorrow (Aug. 12) and mine is Aug. 21. Should I call and wish him happy birthday as I want to start the NO CONTACT but not sure if I should wait after his birthday. I highly doubt he would call me for mine. I have been too clingny lately and calling obsessively and I realuze that now. He hasnt spent any quality time with me since May as he has been working lots of overtime went on vacation and then had family overseeas come on vacation and staying with him. In 3 months I felt neglected asked him repeatedly if he wanted to be with me each time only to be told yes however his actions tell me otherwise.

admin

August 12, 2014 at 11:17 am

I would start it now and not wish him a happy birthday. It is NC after all.

Lei

August 10, 2014 at 10:22 pm

Hi mr chris, me and my ex bf broke up last 3 weeks ago, the reason he told me was he doesnt feel anythng wid me now, were always fightng before because sometimes he dont have time for me, but he always have time for his friends, thats why most of the time were fightng, i dont feel that he cares for me, he became confused about his feelings, i could say that maybe in his eyes im just a type of a needy person, because really i did a lot of crazy things before when were still together, asking for forgiveness even its not my mistake, always say sorry first, always asked him “where” and “why” but what to do, i really do love him, theres a time that i will go to his work when he doNt want 2 talk I know its my fault i think thats why he might fall out of love, and he lost his attraction wid me as youve said,:(… i have always felt the ecstacy and agony and ecstacy again wid him, but after i red about what uve said there im fully understand everythng! Now, im applying the NC rule to my ex bf, today is day 22 he already contacted me on day 18, i cant believed bcoz he called me in d middle of the night 3x and i didnt expect that it will happen, because he is kind of a stubborn guy. I didnt answered his calls, i controlled myself for the very very first time, but again after that he didnt contact anymore, but im confused what will happen next. Should i contact him now? Should i still continue the 30 day nc ? Maybe he will think that i dont like him anymore and forget me or maybe he just want to talk to me only that time, and no meaning at all, pls i need your help and advice,, 🙁 tnx a lot , hope to hear somethng from u soon;((((

Lei

August 12, 2014 at 1:42 pm

Mr. Chris, y ur not replying me,, but u replied all of them:(((
admin

August 13, 2014 at 11:30 am

Sorry I must have missed you. So sorry about that.

How can I help?
Lei

August 13, 2014 at 11:27 pm

Its ok sir i understand,, as what i hve wrote above, if u read my story , after he contacted me in day 18 he didnt call me again, i dont know whats d meaning of dat, today is day 25 of NC, should i break it or stil continue, im really confused bcoz mybe after d NC , hes gone already

Jasmine

August 6, 2014 at 5:12 pm

The situation that I am in is very confusing and tricky. I’ve never been in this position and no matter what I can’t seem to figure it out. I’ve purchased your book and I’ve read it twice, and for most parts it makes sense. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 and half months. We knew each other from high school and from what I remember he always liked me and wanted to go out with me. He found me on Facebook after 10 years and we started talking and everything just clicked. Every day he reminded me how much he cared about me back in the day and how much his feelings for me is getting stronger and deeper. It had gotten to a point that after 3 days of talking/texting we felt we were sole mates. He started to talk about marriage, moving in together, and even meeting each other parents. Though everything seemed like it was moving fast it felt right. He felt right. I never thought that he would ever hurt me or break my hurt, because the way he kept telling me how he felt about me and what he saw in his future with me.
Until one day he ask me to give him some space. At that point I didn’t know what I had done so I said ok. His job was very stressful and I thought maybe he needed some time for himself. The next day he send me this huge text about how his sorry and that he rushed into things with me without thinking things through and he made a mistake. He apologized about everything and was very sorry. We talked about it and I tried to understand why he was stressing and why he felt the way he did. After an hour of conversation and trying to understand him he apologized and we were back to normal. The same night he called me and told me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated that I fought for him and our relationship. Everything was good. Until our date.
We finally set a date to meet each other after 10 years and the date was good relatively since the day of he had an family issue where his little brother was found to be doing drugs. He was very stressed out and worried about the situation, which clearly was understandable. He drove up to see me ( 2 hours) and we spend the whole day together It was good, but I could tell he was stressed. We did have sex, but it wasn’t just sex, we had lunch, went to the beach, walked on the pier, took a nap, and throughout the day he was holding me, hugging, kissing, me holding my stuff and very gentle man and affectionate.
When it was time to go home we said our byes, hugged and kissed. On his way back I called him to make sure he was ok and if he arrived safely back home since it was a long drive. He felt distant and short.
The next day he texted me saying he needed some space to deal with family and try to find help for his brother. He kept checking in with me and telling me he loved me. But there was no affection.
Next day it felt more of a distance. So I asked him what was going on and what was bothering him. He told me that ever since the date he felt overwhelmed with pressure, about our future. He felt like he had made promises he couldn’t keep and he got ahead of himself because of the way he felt about me. He never blamed me, if anything he blamed himself for making those promises and talking about marriage and meeting each other parents. ( I never initiated any of these things… he did ).. He told me he was pulling away and wanted to get his feelings straight before he wanted to talk to me because he didn’t want to hurt me or make a big deal out of it.
Finally, comes to conclusion that he wanted to take things slow, but with out being lovey-dovey. ( he would still tell me he loved me)… however I was so shocked by his choice of words and action that I got emotional and shut him out. I cried to him unexpectedly and he felt horrible and he cried too. For two days things were horrible, after 2 days I called him to have an adult conversation…we talked about an hour he told me he loved me, but wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship BUT HE WANTED US TO KEEP IN TOUCH AND HAVE ME IN HIS LIFE.
I do love him, so I choose to be in his life. It only took me a day to feel uncomfortable, because after we talked he texted me right after and we texted throughout the day like how we were before. Just not lovey-dovey.
Next day I purchased your book and I was lost and more confused. I tried to pull back but he still messages me wants talk to me about his dreams, school, family, but not our relationship. It’s been twoo weeks since our our breakup. I have no idea what to do. I feel like if chose to do complete No contact he will be gone but at the same time I don’t want to be his cushion for comfort. i need him to miss me and realize what he did was wrong. I feel like he promised everything and just took it away. I have been distant.. I answer his text 3 hours late. I answer them respectfully with semicolon and emoji’s. I make sure that he knows I stay busy either with school or friends, and that I can’t talk to him at the time or day. He has mentioned that he doesn’t want to have a relationship as of now and that the past two weeks were not enjoyable due to our breakup and us being arguing and fighting. 3 days a go we talked about possibly be friends i am just not sure if that is a good idea. after 2 days he texted me this morning with a picture of a deer saying ” look what i came across to during my morning walk” I don’t know if i should just start the NO CONTACT rule now and not respond or respond and start the no contact rule. please help. e keeps contacting me and his really nice to me asking about my day and how my studying, school, and even DR appointments went. I don’t know how to lose complete contact with him without looking our sounding like a bitch.

admin

August 11, 2014 at 10:59 am

I would say start the no contact rule now

(Sorry for the late response.)
Jasmine

August 11, 2014 at 7:39 pm

Thank you I’ve started NO Contact sine last Monday. its been 7 days. The last thing he we talked about was that. he said he was glad that we were talking and that i don’t completely hate him I asked him ” Why are you glad” he said ” because I am” and that irritated me because he couldn’t give me an straight answer… so we kept going back and forth and at the end before it was going to to turn into an argument and fight. i told him ” i really dont want to argue with my EX when i have my Exam coming up and my dad having surgery over dumb shit.” and his last text to me was ” I am not trying to argue, i am just tired I haven’t slept since 1:00 Am..” That was the last thing he said to me, and i haven’t responded and started the No Contact rule. Did i do it right or wrong?
admin

August 12, 2014 at 11:59 am

I thikn you did things right. Just let time cool things down for a bit.
Jasmine

August 12, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Thank you Chris !

Mary Louis

August 4, 2014 at 10:02 pm

Hey Chris,I just wanted to as it’s my boyfriends birthday on the 28th day of no contact rule should i wish him?

admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:19 pm

Nope.

Zahra

August 4, 2014 at 7:13 pm

Hi Chris,

First of all, your guide really helped me, thank you.

After 45-50 days of NC I contacted my ex a week ago (he’s a stubborn one). He replied with that he was speechless that I contacted him and he wanted to contact me but he was a bit scared of how I would react if he would. He wanted to send me flowers some day (if I didn’t contacted him). But yea, that’s what he says now :)..

He said a multiple times that he tought about me almost every day and how I was doing and that, if I didn’t noticed it the last day we met, I had him ‘super in love’ and that the break-up was one of this ‘toughest decisions’ in life. He said that he can’t turn all his emotions off and that he thinks more with his brains now than with his heart. He doesn’t want to have such a hard time (break-up) again if we ever get back together.

Today I asked what his point was with that message (what I wrote above). Well.. he said something what I actually didn’t expected:
“Basically, don’t get your hopes up, that’s what I meant. I’m happy that we can talk with eachother and laugh and such, but nothing more, I’ve not been in a ‘emotional rollercoaster’ like “let’s try it again” since we are talking again.”
Why would he say something like this when he said 2 days ago something like “I think about you almost every day (multiple times), you had me so in love, if we ever get back together.”

I reacted to his message with “Okay, I got your point” and then he said “Can you find yourself in what I said? I mean, you know my personality, I’m social and nice to people, I don’t want you to think that I’m acting with a ‘he wants me back’ behaviour or something. I don’t want to give you false hope and that’s why I’m this open with you”. I said “a bit”, then he asked “no hard feelings?”. I replied with “why?”. Then he said “just asking”.

Lol, I don’t know what I should think now, this guy is weird and gives me headache. I didn’t replied yet. But he wouldn’t ask that question out of nowhere, would he?

I’m really confused and the little hope I had.. is actually shattered now. I hope you or the other visiters on this page can help me out.

Oh, and sorry for my bad english, it’s not my native language.

Love,

Zahra

admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Your english is great!! Seriously.

I know what he said is pretty shattering.

By any chance have you tried making him jealousy to see how he’d react?
Zahra

August 6, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Thank you Chris and thanks for replying to my post and taking some time to read it!

I actually don’t know how to make this guy jealous because he’s a really wanted and good looking guy with an ego which will blow up his head someday, lol. I know that he find my personality and appearance beautiful, so the only thing I could do is taking new pictures and display it and just being myself.. I’m not that kind of girl who takes many pictures with other guys and post it on Facebook or taking weird party pictures.

After the last conversation (August 4) I didn’t spoke to him. I’m waiting until he texts me first now. But I doubt it will happen.. Or should I take the first step a few times?

After he said “just asking” I told him that I’m not angry or upset with what he said, because he told me the same 2 months ago, and it was clear to me. He told me that he wanted to be sure of it, because exes expect more than a random check-up when they contact. He said that he’s really happy that we talk to each other again, because he was always thinking how I was and it made his head hurt (lol, good).

He didn’t wanted to contact because he thought that I would go on the ‘emotional rollercoaster’-ride. Then I said:
“Lol, yes, maybe. But you know, are you thinking that I’ll still fight for someone that doesn’t want me? It costs too much pain and energy, that’s why I stopped myself. Oh, and when I spoke to you, you could think “why is she talking to me..” ”

He answered with that he wasn’t thinking like that, but that my last words (1,5 month ago) were so emotional and that it would be selfish of him if he talked to me if I still were in such a pain.
The last thing I said (that’s related to this serious convo..) was that I’m not as cold as ice right now. But I’m not doing anything with it and, what I already said, I won’t fight for someone who doesn’t want to fight/wouldn’t do the same for me. And where there isn’t any hope, there isn’t any pain. I let it go. He replied with: “Hmmm. I agree with you.”

So… yea, that’s the last convo I had with him. And I actually meant what I said, I don’t want to fight so hard for someone who doesn’t want to fight for me.. Even if I still love him. Should I become closer with him, sort of ‘friends’ and see how it will end or just end it right here? Or should I do NC out of nowhere again (because he said he was worried and thinking of me every day how I was doing)?

Sorry for the long post and all my questions. I hope you (or the other people who visit this page) can give me some advice!

Thanks in advance.
admin

August 11, 2014 at 10:46 am

I think maybe doing NC for a little bit would be a good idea.
Zahra

August 15, 2014 at 3:08 pm

After the break up I told my parents what happened and after a discussion they said that they couldn’t stop me if I really wanted it. So.. yea.

Here comes a long post. Brace yourselves:

And something happened a week ago..

My ex said that day (after replying to something I said a day before and 1h after that reply):
“I was just wondering, like when I’m in your hometown, would you like to meet up, hang out….. like idk.”
I said I’m okay with it because we don’t hate each other or something. He said he’s wondering how I am now..
And he said “I can’t lie, since the day you contacted me I was only thinking how you have been and the time we were together, I started reminiscing”.

I asked him if the reminders were good or just things that he didn’t wanted to think about. He responded with “both”. He said that we had fun and good times together, but it’s the break up that he doesn’t understand and he doesn’t know why we had to.. That it wasn’t something like “they lived happily ever after”. After some texts he called me.. he was in the car and was going to somewhere. It was super random. But we talked normal and we laughed. He asked me twice and specifically (again..) how my life is and what I am doing now, what I did all the time and if my parents ever asked about him after the break up.

He texts me a lot and calls me every day, sometimes a multiple times a day. For example, when he’s going to work and when he’s driving at home after work. Sometimes before going to bed. We talk normal to each other and laugh together. He said he’s really happy that we can talk like this again and he missed it. A few days ago he said he misses me.. and he says some things when I send a picture (sometimes we communicate via pictures), things like “this picture makes me regret breaking up with you/I almost fell in love..”

Yesterday night we talked at the phone and, yea, he said that when people asked about me/his last relationship people couldn’t understand why we broke up, because it looked like he was still talking about me with feelings. He told me he still cares about me and still has feelings, it will never fade away. That the break up was one tough decision.. I said something like “regretting” and he said “who said that I don’t regret it..? Sometimes people think about it again and see things differently. I see our happy moments every time when I think about us”.

Well.., maybe he still cares about me and stuff, but I think he still doesn’t know what to do and how to handle it. Because the main reason is ‘religion/family issues’. And he said he likes to hear my voice and such things.. Do you think he wants me back and is trying to get me back with these actions? Or does he wants to stay close to me and being friends so badly?

Again, sorry for the long post. But I’m a bit confused.. because he said “don’t get your hopes up” before and now he’s acting like this. I think we’ll meet up this month (because my school starts 1 Sept.)

Thanks for the advice in advance and for reading my posts!
admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:14 pm

What was the exact reason he used when he had the breakup talk?
Zahra

August 18, 2014 at 3:26 pm

He said that it causes him much stress (how the family would react etc.) and that he wanted to see me more often. We didn’t saw each other very often because I’d to lie and our relationship was secret for my parents. Besides that, the distance was another reason.

He said that it was a ‘really hard decision to make’ because he really loved me. So.. yeah, I don’t know what I should think now.

Yesterday I sent a picture of me heading to somewhere to him. Then he asked me to Skype because his little niece wanted to see me. Okay, after some minutes he Skyped me, but that girl was already ‘gone’ (downstairs or something). In my opinion, he could call me later when his niece was with him but instead of that he called me and watched me himself. After the conversation I asked him how I looked (it was the first time he saw me after the break up-talk) and he said that I’m still that beautiful girl he fell in love with.
admin

August 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm

Yes he probably didn’t like the fact that things were a secret from your parents.
Zahra

August 19, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Yes, probably, I learnt from it (the hard way)..

Now he´s saying that we don´t live ´that far´ from each other. This guy is weird. Oh well.. I´ll see how the things will go with him. Maybe he likes me but he´s just too stubborn.
Zahra

August 26, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Dear people,

I went through the same stage as you are going right now. I read many “how to get your ex back” pages and in my opinion, this one was one of the best sites.

I basically got my ex back since a few days. We’re talking and FaceTiming a lot (it’s a sort of distance relationship, but not ‘that’ far, we broke up because of the difference between our religions and family were making an issue about it).

I will tell you guys how I handled my business. I want to share my story, maybe it will help some of you..
After the break up we first talked for a week. After that week I realized it wasn’t helping me at all and we both agreed with NC. I went through NC over a month and worked on myself. I did new things, like Inline Skating and going to the gym more often. I spent more times with my friends and I still do and I made more time for my hobbies. I also achieved some goals I had, and I really was proud of myself that I accomplished that.
Because my ex (now my boyfriend) is a stubborn one, I contacted him when I no longer were a miserable and needy woman. We talked normal and laughed. But he said that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I said that I won’t fight for a guy who doesn’t want me. After that day he actually started to call me very often. Almost every day. He said things like “I miss you” and that he misses the old times. Keep in mind that I tried to not text him first, I wanted him to text and call me first most of the time. It worked. I also didn’t replied always right after I got his message, even if I wanted.
This week I heard of him that he was unsure that I liked him or if I was friendly and social towards him. This is good, I finally got that guy with the big ego 🙂 I’m in control. He said that he likes me more than he ever did, he also talked with his cousin about the relationship and me. That cousin gave him advice how to handle this situation and my boyfriends started to look at those things on a different point of view. He said he first thought that he did everything to fix the relationship, but now he sees that he didn’t. So, yea, I asked him what’s different now and why I should jump in a relationship with him again.

We talked a lot and I really think that he regrets how he handled the stuff in the past. But now we are working on our future and taking the things that happened in the past as a lesson. Also, take it slow.. don’t go too fast ~

With love,

Zahra
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:12 am

You might be on to something there.
Zahra

August 15, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Oh, and Chris, do you still think NC is the best in this situation?? Even if he says he misses me and likes to talk to me etc.?
admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:16 pm

Yep!
Zahra

August 6, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Oh, i’ll tell the reason behind our break-up. Maybe it will be useful when it comes to giving advice.

The reason behind the break-up was the difference between our religions, plus the distance between our cities. Our relationship was secret for my family because they would make trouble because of it. This caused some stress (more for him than for me.. because I believed in us, but I guess he felt guilty towards me). Because it was secret, it was more difficult to meet him and he wanted to see me more often.
admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:01 am

Hmm… that religion thing is a tough one to overcome.

Can I ask you a question.

If you and him were to go public do you think your family would eventually accept him?

bethany

August 4, 2014 at 2:30 pm

hey, so my bf and i of 5 years broke up about a month ago. basically he said he loves me and he was happy, but im his first real girlfriend. we broke up once in the past for about 5 days. other than that, we’ve been always good. he said he wasn’t ready for to be with someone the rest of his life and needed to explore. he claims he still has feelings for me, but he doesnt act like it. hes been hot and cold this entire time. he used to text me after the break up, but stopped. he will text me if i say something but not on his own. i know i should leave him alone but hes acting confusing. we have told each other that we can see what happens but it isnt off the table that we COULD be together again. im not sure what to do at this point. i dont even know if i want him back still, but i want to know why hes being weird. says he still has feelings but wont try to talk to me? NC? what should i do. (he says its hard for him to be apart from me..but yet hes still doing it)

admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

NC DEFINITELY!!!!!
bethany

August 4, 2014 at 2:36 pm

also, i feel as if 5 years of being happy together, we wouldnt be able to move on easily. hes making me feel like our realtionship wasnt imporannt

Claire

August 4, 2014 at 1:27 pm

Hey chris,

Will no contact work for the second time if my ex boyfriend left me again due to commitment issues and possibly GIGS? The first time he broke up with me was because of the same issues. He inititated contact after three months of NC telling me how much he regretted etc.

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:42 pm

You read my GIGS article right?
Claire

August 4, 2014 at 3:33 pm

Thank you for responding Chris, really appreciate it.

Yes i read your GIGS article, in fact i have read all your articles multiple times. My ex boyfriend tend to lose interest fast and crave for lots of freedom. I’ve been trying my best to be the best version of myself and to be honest there’s no major problem in our relationship. He broke up with me the second time because he claims that he doesn’t want to be held down in a relationship and he feels attracted to every beautiful girls he sees. Both of us are 21 this year and i’m his first serious girlfriend. We’ve been together for 4 years, i understand that he probably still wants to see if there’s any better girls out there. But he knows that i’m the only one who truly cares for him. I believe i’m an 8/10 for him and all my friends have been asking me to leave him because of the way he treated me but i never ever thought of leaving him once. He’s always going back and forth sometimes he’s hot then sometimes he’s cold. He also told me that he’s happiness with me is on and off. I really don’t know what to do anymore, i’ve been trying my best to make him happy but its never enough.

By the way he broke up with me on my birthday, i went into NC straight away and i’m wondering whether NC will work the second time? What do you think Chris?
admin

August 6, 2014 at 1:58 pm

Wow, KUDOS.

I wrote them all and I haven’t read them all more than once haha.

Thoroughout your relationship he lost interest fast like that?
Claire

August 6, 2014 at 4:03 pm

I gain more knowledge on what to do and not do in order to get an ex boyfriend back through your articles Chris. No matter how i try to make him feel happy being with me it seems like he just doesn’t want to commit and i believe that he has GIGS. Is it right for me to inititate NC again for the second time? I’m hoping he will regret breaking up with me again:(
admin

August 11, 2014 at 10:51 am

How long did you last total for the first time?
Claire

August 7, 2014 at 9:57 am

Chris i’m curious, is it possible for an ex boyfriend to truly move on if he’s busy serving the nation and possibly it will keep his mind off from missing me and everything we’ve been through in our four years relationship?
admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:22 am

I suppose it’s possible but I feel like if he comes back from overseas or whatever he may regret his decision.

130413

August 3, 2014 at 2:40 pm

hi Chris.
I and my guy wer in relation for nearly 1 yr and 4 months .they had to shift out of state 2 months ago.we still used to do all the stuff.talk to each other for long hours den texts sometimes phone sex too.
my guy broke with me after 3 yrs relation .he doesn’t even talk nor texts me .he blamed me for things which I didn’t do and all and finally said I can’t trust you anymore and asked me to get lost (in text).I tried my best but doesn’t my calls nor replies my msgs.he actually says hez got a new gf and is happy .
so I called him for nearly 15 times he answered and spoke about his new gf his family and general things.he even reminded me that I wasn’t imp to him anymore .den stopped calling him which made him to call my friend .
I decided of NC

last night I texted my bf with all I could to make him recollect all good times and how I feel about the breakup and said him I won’t be there for him (but I’ll wait for him forever)

today he texted me
“hello stop telling like that”

and didn’t even text him back .

I want him very badly .my life sucks without him .

I’ll follow ur NC but 15 days from today is my bday what if he calls to wish me .

should I answer him ???

Zahra

August 6, 2014 at 6:11 pm

During NC it’s better to not react to his messages/calls or anything from him. But I’m not an expert. I don’t know what Chris would say what you have to do in such a situation.

Did he actually called you or wished you a happy birthday?

Juliette

August 1, 2014 at 8:46 am

Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago, he was really mean in the beginning. We had been togheter for 6,5 months.. I really wanted him back but he just kept telling me that he did’nt want me. I felt like shit, started to drink with friends. I made out with one guy 5 weeks after the break up.. He was sooooo hurt. Ha cried in his house, he slapped the guy.. I did’nt knew what do to, ha had told me he did’nt want me and i has begged him for 5 weeks… Then i did the same thing to me with a girl to Make me feel like him.. He has told me now that he did liked me in the beginning of the break up and wanted me back thats why he cried so much. He has Called me every singel bad name u can call a person. When we meet with friends he is all around me and nice and everything.. We have had 6 many Times also after the break up, last time was one week ago.. I thought it was about to become good and Maybe we were going to get back togheter . I started täljning about feelings after 5 days when ut begun to be good. He was so mad and told me he did’nt want me like that. Actually he did’nt want to have sex because we werent togheter and I wanted a realtionship but he did’nt.. Ut became worse… He have told me many Times that he Will quit contact with me because I just make him feel bad and upset.. But we have allways stayed in contact… Actually one month ago he told me that we could see after the summer if he wanted a relationship, and a good poäng were that I would be the First girl he dated.. I should stop there but I wanted it so bad so i kept bygging.. Telling him nice things every day even if he was mean to me… We were at a disco to days ago. He Almost did’nt want to say hi to me. Then he were around girls on purpose in front of me friends so They could see and tell me.. Ha Called on of my bader friends a slut because she kept pushing him whenever she past by him. Than he started yelling at me and asked were a guy was, he wanted to hit a guy that had wrote to me 1 time and i actually told that guy that i liked my ex and did’nt wanted him to write to me…

Juliette

August 1, 2014 at 12:42 pm

but he was so mad over that guy, it ended up that i was crying and I got home.. After de disco he told me that i have destroyed him, the guy he was before when we were togheter and that he would allways hate me for that… He said he wanted nothing to do with me… His friends have told me that They still think he likes me. But that he gets angry when They ask och talk about me. The last thing he told me was that he would destroy me as Much as I have destroyed him. Directly he left a comment on a slutty girl photo om instagam “goodlooking” and he wrote his snapchat on his instagram.. I started the ni contact rule then.. This is the second day.. I have broke the NC rule many Times but this time I Will make it. I am just afraid my chanses are gone.. It was 4 months ago se broke up and he had told me that he feel hate for me and that he wants nothing to do with me..
Juliette

August 1, 2014 at 12:45 pm

please help,. Im so afraid he’s going to fina a new, hate me, Don’t miss me and forget about me and worst of all, move on… Don’t know what to do, trying to stay calm but ist hard…
Juliette

August 4, 2014 at 4:26 pm

Day 3 of ni contact rule he texted me in the night, telling me he hated himself for the way he has treated me.. He told me he was crying and Almost puking and also that the reason he had Done all those things was beacuse he cared about me.. I Don’t know what to do.. I was glad he wrote that to me but now I am starting to get panic.. I am om the 6 day of no contact, so afraid he Will move on and find another girl.. It was 4 months ago since the break up I really want hon back so badly.. Please help me!
admin

August 6, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Why are you starting to get panicked?

Esther

July 31, 2014 at 2:42 am

Well, I wrote to you back in May. I’m the 21 year old girl who endured a stressful breakup with her 26 year old guy.

To be brief, I wrote down a list of all his shortcomings. I realized I don’t need him in my life. I penned several lengthy letters detailing everything. I don’t miss him as much as I thought.

If someone is just going to bring more stress to your life, throw them out of it. There’s something to be said about being all alone. You don’t rely on anyone and they don’t rely on you. I did 40 days of No Contact. I took antidepressants ’til I became allergic to them. Both helped tremendously. I feel like I’ve experienced religious awakening.

Thanks for trying to help, anyway.

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:16 pm

If you need anything else let me know!

Jac

July 30, 2014 at 9:38 pm

I am 6 months pregnant and my boyfriend left me 5 weeks ago after I verbally abused him. I’m normally not an abusive person, but being pregannt turned me into a crazy person. I starting treating him poorly over the past fee months. Then I went off on him a couple times and broke up with him and said some really mean stuff I didn’t mean. He snapped and left and is telling me he’s never coming back. I have begged him to come back and he just pushes me away more. Our relationship was perfect for the year and a half prior to my pregnancy. This man gave me the world and was so good to me. When I treated him like that, he just couldn’t deal. I am so sorry for what I did and would never do it again. But nothing I say gets through to him. I just found out he’s hooking up with someone else and it’s the post excruciatingly painful month of my life. He wants to be here for the baby and he’s going to be an amazing dad. He just doesn’t wanna be with me anymore. I don’t know if I shouldn’t contact him or what. I would do anything to get him back. Please help

admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:07 pm

I wrote something for women in your exact situation.

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-if-you-are-pregnant/

danni

July 30, 2014 at 2:30 am

After 1year and 4 months I finally got my ex boyfriend back. It was not easy and I did not follow anything on this site. When the person he was with proposed to him on new years eve I was heartbroken but everyone around me knew he still had feelings for me. I did the NC rule and got on with my life I excercised, studied and even cut my hair. We have children together so it was even more difficult not to see him but I managed it. Eventually we got back together and things are amazing, we communicate better than we ever had. Thanks Chris your articles really helped
dedk

July 30, 2014 at 1:22 am

I have been dating this guy I met online on and off since feb. Its clear he really likes me but the second things dont go his way, calls things off with me. I have always let him walk and have never inititated contact. He always comes back in a few weeks time and I take him back and the whole thing starts again.

Before if he called it off I would ignore him for a little then start responding as you have suggested. Chill and cool and always have my own things going. Then we get back, and its not even 2 weeks, he calls things off again.

Do you think this is a lost cause? I think we both really like eachother but he lacks patience to really work through things with me and ends hp emotionally reacting and walking. Will NC work for me? How long should I do it? What would you recommend? I just dont understand what and why hes doing this all the time.

admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:12 pm

I thikn its worth trying if you think it is.

SillyRabbit

July 29, 2014 at 7:30 pm

I met a great guy two weeks ago. We instantly connected…moved too fast and slept together. I cancelled a date at the last minute to go see someone else. He figured it out and confronted me. After that, he said we were moving too fast, he had recently gotten out of a long term relationship and wanted space. I said “ok cool, I agree”. Then, he said, “no, actually he was just confused and didn’t want to lose me”. sigh. Then he went away for the weekend to see his ex girlfriend and when he got back sent me several long message saying he misses me. I haven’t responded to any of them. I think I should do NC. Is 30 days NC too long for someone I only dated for 2 weeks?

admin

July 30, 2014 at 2:49 pm

Why did you see someone else if you really liked this guy?
SillyRabbit

July 30, 2014 at 3:29 pm

Yeah, that wasn’t smart on my part, was it. sigh. The other guy was someone I had liked before but I didn’t realize I was over it until I went out with him lol.

Anna

July 29, 2014 at 12:31 am

I am on day 3-4 of NC.

My ex is currently on holiday in Magaluf. 4 days ago, before I started NC he told me to never talk to him again and he wanted me out of his life. I decided to start no contact then, but then my ex randomly started liking my facebook pictures and added me back onto facebook. (Being the weakling I am, I accepted) right after I accepted he blocked me. Mad at him for playing mind games I said to him “I’ve left you alone like you asked, stop toying with my feelings” and he said “It’s my cousins messing around (who are 23 by the way, so very mature) not me, now leave me alone, i’ve stopped them” so then I started NC again. 2 days went on with NC and I had another FB message from him talking about really dirty and sexual things. I ignored it assuming it was his cousin again, then I got more and more then he apologised saying it was his cousin. I ignored the message again but he knew I read it.

Then about 2 hours went by and he messaged me on this other website we have eachother as friends on saying “Sorry about my cousins” then went offline after he noticed I wasn’t gonna reply.

So my question is, he didn’t exactly have to say sorry the second time on the other website: so why did he do it? Is it a good sign?

I know for a fact he’s in Magaluf, having lots of sex ect. And obviously that bothers me but it’s his life and we aren’t together, it just seems his cousins are very immature and find fun out of harassing me, or could it not even be his cousins? And just him wanting to grab my attention.

I’m not sure about any of this and just need your take on it. I’m planning to keep up the NC then message him after the 30 days, but I’m just not sure if what’s happened so far is good or bad?

admin

July 29, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Hers a crazy question.

If you do get him back would you be able to look past how he is acting now just sleeping around?
Anna

July 30, 2014 at 12:20 am

I’m honestly not sure, the worst part is, he left for the holiday as a virgin. So it’s not just sex, it’s the first time aswell. I don’t think I could look past it.. I never even thought of it being a problem if we got back together, but it certainly would be.

Thanks a lot for answering, for some reason having you give your opinion makes it more ‘official’. Knocked some sense into me. Rethinking if I even want him back.
admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:08 pm

Well, I just know that I personally couldn’t look past that especially if it was his first time…

Jenifer

July 28, 2014 at 7:48 pm

Need help!
My boyfriend and I have been broken up for 10 days. Within this ten days we have still been in contact mostly because I basically made him have a conversation with me. It felt like he didn’t want to talk to me,
I’ve been very nice within these 10 days and have tried to be a friend and ask him to do stuff but he just says he wants to stay home,
Well I sent him a not so nice message tonight explaining how I felt about him breaking up with me and how I felt he did me wrong. He hasn’t read it yet but when he does I don’t think he will reply.
Can you please give me some advice on what to do.
I despartely want my boyfriend back.

admin

July 29, 2014 at 7:50 pm

Lay low for a bit. I think thats the smartest approach going forward.

R

July 25, 2014 at 4:59 am

Hi Chris,
I posted previously, but I didn’t get a response, could you please take a look and give me some suggestions when you have time? After I broke up with my boyfriend, I did the 30 days no contact period, and my ex did not contact me during the 30 days period. The first text I sent him was some variation of asking him to help me with luggage at airport. He did not reply to that text, but he used to reply me most of the times after we broke up(before I start the no contact). When should I contact him again? The next text I send him should be some variation of remembering the good times? Thank you

R

July 26, 2014 at 4:53 am

Hi Chris,
Can you give me some suggestion in my situation?
After I broke up with my boyfriend, I did the 30 days no contact period, and my ex did not contact me during the 30 days period. The first text I sent him was some variation of asking him to help me with luggage. He did not reply to that text, but he used to reply me most of the times after we broke up(before I start the no contact). The next text I send him should be some variation of remembering the good times? Thank you

Michelle

July 24, 2014 at 11:36 pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now. Lately we have been getting into arguments because he has no time for me. I have asked him if he wanted us to be done and he told me no he loves me and wants a future with me. I have started NO CONTACT and I am on Day #5 and I have not heard from him. Will NO CONTACT RULE work in this case?

admin

July 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm

I wouldn’t do NC if you haven’t broken up.
Michelle

July 25, 2014 at 3:13 pm

I think if I am important enough he would make me a priority in his life. Seeing me once a month is UNACCEPTABLE that is why I started NO CONTACT
Michelle

July 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for yourr advice. After much consideration I realize that I derserve better and am moving on. After our fight he told me he hates me and I believe certain words should NEVER come out of someone’s mouth REGARDLESS if they are angry. I am NOT prepared to settle for nothing but the BEST.
admin

July 29, 2014 at 1:27 pm

Good for you!

That is the kind of attitude that wins out in the end! I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Michelle

July 25, 2014 at 11:29 pm

We got into a big argument and now he says we are done and has blocked me.
admin

July 28, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Read my article on blocking.

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