The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Julia

July 30, 2013 at 9:03 am

His friends were my friends and you know, yesterday I accidentally fell on this picture on Facebook where I was tagged and it said “if you’re on it then I love you” I added a comment like “memories..” a few seconds after my name was removed off the pic and the pic blocked from me. 🙁

He already deleted me off Facebook right when we fought and he can’t see when I log in. He can see my updates tho if he wants.

I regullary post in the forums. He sees that. But so what? Must I avoid forums too? I have topics which I own. And I don’t care what he thinks about.

I’m going to travel soon for a month and won’t come to the forums But will leave updates on Facebook.
Rose

July 29, 2013 at 11:20 pm

To be honest, I’m scared to death… My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We use to live in another city and for familiar reasons I had to come back, but told him not to be afraid to stay there to keep on working until we figure a way to reunite… I felt he needed that time for himself, to grow up.

After several months trying to keep the relation, he broke up with me telling me he wasn’t no longer in love… i’m not sure if he was just trying to be nice, but he said that he loved me deeply, that he will do anything for me, and that he wanted to keep contact… but that he wasn’t “in love”, that he wasn’t happy with his life right now, that he felt things were not the same, that he wasn’t able to give me what I deserved, etc, etc (actually, he gave me so many reasons, but at the same time it was like there wasn’t one in particular, I don’t know if you get what I mean).

As I understand, if you really love someone that much, and that person try to give you support every time, then why to go?. We never had a fight, and we still understand each other like soul mates… I did my best to accept that he actually needed a time for himself, and that maybe he did not loved me that much…

Since the brake up, we kept in touch from time to time, trying to be friends, but after 5 years or relation, it feels so empty and stupid trying to be just friends when we where so much more than that. He told a friend that he will never find someone like me, but that he needed to find himself.

I accepted for a time his will to find himself, but a few months ago I started to find him so unsure about everything he does and everything he feels. Instead of finding himself , he is actually loosing himself. But he keeps asking my advice, he keeps on getting frustrated with his situation, he keeps calling me pet names, telling me ho well I understand him; when he came back to town last time, we meet with friends and start talking, it was like everything disappeared around us.

I’m concern about him right now because the only thing I see is how he complicates his life more and more, and I’m starting to see that he is doing many unnecessary things…. I no longer understand his behavior.

Though I deeply and truly love him, all this ended up hurting me, I can’t keep on watching how he is hurting himself… so I decided to follow the no-contact rule, it’s being two weeks from today (breaking it up just one day because I had a little accident, he heard about it and started to send me text messages, asking me if i was ok… there wasn’t a need to worry him that much, I guess, so i answered with a cold “don’t worry, i’m fine”).

The thing is that he didn’t realize until a few days ago that i deleted him from a social network. A mutual friend told me he was very depress about it, but hasn’t call me yet to ask me why… it took him half week to realize I was gone.

As I said at the beginning, I’m scared to death. I did it because it was hurting me the way he was remaining with a childish attitude, and I guess I need it for myself as well. I can’t make him feel something he can’t, but at least I can decide if I don’t want to see him messing things up so bad… yet I’m scared to hurt him. What if he takes it wrong?, what if I hurt his ego so much he will never dare to talk to me again?

Since the brake up I started to concentrate on me, taking care of my job, my family, myself, finding out who am I, what I want and what I need… but even when I try to meet someone else, it only helps to realize how much I still love him, and he just keep on sending me confusing signs because, I believe, he is very confused as well.

I can’t think clear, I can’t think about what to say, how to act when we see each other again or if he gather the courage to ask me why I put distance between us, if he will ever miss me… what if “i’m not that important”.

How can I keep this rule and not hurting him?

admin

July 30, 2013 at 2:27 am

I think right now you shouldn’t care about hurting him. You two are broken up right now so you don’t have to take his calls or texts. This rule is about empowering you!

Keisha

July 29, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Hey there! My bf and I met online and hit it off instantly. He was the man log my dreams and was very supportive during a surgery I had. He said he loves me and wants to marry me. We dated for about six months and things started to turn. He started pulling away and saying he just wanted to be alone. He was kind of depressed and wouldn’t let me in. I tried to be there for him but he wouldn’t let me nurture him. I told him I needed a few days to decide if I wanted to continue and got really hurt and upset. After he got over it we decided we were going to meet in person and discuss what we wanted to do. However, he started avoiding my calls and would take a day or two to respond to my texts. I asked to get together last week and he said let’s meet this weekend. He never brought it up and I haven’t heard from him in two days.

We’ve talked here and there but I haven’t seen him in a month. So I decided since are having trouble getting together, he needs to know how I felt. I wrote him an email basically saying that I want to work out but I can’t control how he feels. I told him I love him but I will not be contacting him. I told him the ball is in his court. If he responds before the 30 days, I should wait to respond. Or if I don’t hear from him after 30 days, I should reach out?

What is your advice?

Thx

admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:52 am

Here is the problem I had with what you did. By telling him the “ball is in your court” you are essentially giving him the power position and that is not where you want him.

I would say stay true to the 30 day no contact rule and don’t break it. If he doesn’t contact you definitely reach out.
Keisha

July 30, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Did I mess it up for us? I feel awful now.
admin

July 31, 2013 at 2:08 am

Don’t feel awful and you made a mistake yes but it’s not the end of the world. Just do NC as you plan and go from there. It’s not ideal but I don’t think its too bad. It’s a lot better than getting in a huge argument with him thats for sure.
Keisha

August 6, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Thx. It’s been two weeks and he just sent me about seven texts. He said there is an explanation for why he has been pulling away. He said he still cares for me but hasn’t really cared for himself. He wants to talk. What should I do. Remember I haven’t heard from him in two weeks.
admin

August 7, 2013 at 3:17 am

I vote TALK!

Julia

July 28, 2013 at 3:13 pm

4 days left of the NC rule. And I’ve read all pages over here a few times and all I wanna write him is just “Are you still angry at me?” or “can’t believe you’re still mad” or.. anything else like complaining ugh. I know it’s wrong and he’s not gonna reply anyway. He’ll read and ignore. Besides I’m afraid to get over-emotional again and say wrong things. I’m not asking him to love me. I just want us to be friends like before and talk like friends not enemies. Just that. Cause I miss him and appreciate memories. I’ve read the examples of the messages to send but it’s 99.9% that he simply won’t care.

He said to one of our mutual friends “I don’t wish to re-establish anything with her, I want nothing to do with this person, I just wish no contact and if we haven’t talked for months, in 2 weeks it won’t change.”

admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:31 am

Hi Julia,

Ok I can tell you are having a minor freak out. There is no reason to have one. So what if he doesn’t respond? It won’t be the end of the world. It just means you have to give him more time and you get more time to work on yourself. But try not to jump to conclusions when you haven’t even sent a text message yet.
Julia

July 29, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Hello, thanks a lot for replying.

No reason? But..I seriosly want to just gather all the things he said about me and send to him a message “Seriously, explain.” Cause there never were explanations. I know there was the 3-d face who spread rumors about me, but he’d rather trust this person than me. When I asked for explanations right back then when we fought up, I was ignored. And was ignored for months afterwards and he keeps leaving statuses like “I don’t want to have any contact with her anymore. So irritating” on purpose, so I see them. His friends as well. Also I want to add, that we are both members of one forum where he started up a topic a few weeks ago which said “What should I do with this girl?” And people recommended him to keep ignoring me and one even told to report me to the police (lol how insane)and one offered him to try to talk to me. He replied “I’m all up for forgiving but I want no contact so I’ll keep ignoring”

I don’t know how much time needs to pass, seriously. I miss everything about him.
I gave him time-off but now I’m afraid to write him anything, I wish he did. Just anything and I could go with it. But he doesn’t want to.

Greatly sorry if I sound harsh but I’m messed up. >.<
admin

July 30, 2013 at 2:12 am

Man, sounds like his friends are real jerks.

Give him time with the NC rule. Don’t log on to Facebook or block him. He is being especially cruel to you on purpose I feel out of anger.

Ruth

July 27, 2013 at 4:28 pm

Same person and situation as 2 previous posts…Just additional questions…
Question 1: If he tries to talk to me, what do I say? Do I say we need 30 days of no contact? Is he supposed to know about the 30 day plan?
Question 2: He said my actions the week after our breakup (my posting positive comments on Facebook on the good week I was having…(It was a big conference I worked at and it kept me super busy and occupied, which helped me keep my mind off of him for that week) and also the negative things I said about his mom on the phone (She encouraged him to break up with me and lied about me to get him to do it. She’s afraid of losing him. He didn’t stand up to her. He believed her and did everything she told him to do.) He said those things that I mentioned above had diminished his love for me…This is all after the break up. Do you think that’s true and that those things really could diminish his love for me? (I know I shouldn’t have talked to him…He contacted me first, and I responded back when I shouldn’t have.)

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:22 am

I think any man who lets his mom dicatate his relationships has some serious issues. No offense to your ex.

Ellen

July 27, 2013 at 2:23 pm

I need some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up last Friday. We had a huge fight Thursday evening and then he ended it on Friday. He is in an advanced nursing program which has been really stressful on him and he said he can’t do the relationship anymore due to school and I was jealous over some of his nursing friends. It seemed so rash to me but he only made small contact with me this week and it was unrelated to the relationship. I want him back but is this something where you think I can get him back? He hasn’t been open and conversational and has not apologized for the breakup either. I felt it came from his stress and I want to prove that I want to be supportive for him and that the jealousy was unintentional and I am willing to change.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:19 am

This page is the first step I would recommend to you. Go into hardcore No Contact mode!

sara

July 27, 2013 at 1:13 am

I had been with this guy for 4 years and he broke it off with me in april 2013. last year he cheated on me and i found out actually it was april 2012. he begged for me to take him back and there were a lot of reasons behind him cheating but none of which were really to do with us. i decided to take him back in a way whilst he worked on these root causes. anyways to cut it short i held on to the anger of what had happened last year and started to flirt with another guy (which isnt like me at all but well it happened). he found out through over hearing a conversation and a month later broke up with me saying he needed space but it wasnt to do with me flirting although i believe it was.

Anyway, we lived together but in april he moved back to his dads. we have had limited contact since due to having to sort out rent, bills, etc. In may/june he agreed to go to couple’s counselling but was acting like a complete ass in it by not being honest and lieing. But in the meantime hasnt collected things things from the flat, been on dates with other girls,and been a bit obnoxious towards me. He sat in the counselling sessions saying that he doesnt want a relationship but then why go counselling!!!

This annoyed me so much to the extent that i was going to end everything at our last session. However, something in him changed and he started to open up and talk a little. he didnt say anything like he wanted to work on things but did actually talk about what he felt went wrong which was a first and refreshing.

My question is does this mean that he is willing to work through things now? also his 30th birthday is coming up and he has invited me to his party. although the way he invited me was again during the time he was an ass so it was done in a way to hurt me. Should i go to this or not? im finding it hard to decide as he has only just started to change in his behaviour so feel a bit like im in a catch 22.

i am in a stronger place within myself now and moving forward with my own personal goals which i am really excited about but i love this man and dont want to mess things up.

help

sara

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:08 am

It’s crazy but one of the telling signs of a cheater is someone who is really insecure about his girl flirting with other guys. In my mind, as long as they aren’t kissing, passionately hugging or doing any other shenanigans it is just human nature to want to be admired.

I don’t think he was right to break up with you because of that unless you were doing something more than flirting but from what you said I don’t think you were.

He may be willing to work in the counseling but I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions. I am a big believer in the NC rule so you might want to give that a shot. However, if you do that then you can’t go to his Bday.
sara

July 29, 2013 at 11:29 am

yeah i thought about doing nc and was actually going to do it from the last counselling session due to his behaviour as i think he needed more time to get over his anger and everything. it made sense to me to start it around now as i will be moving this week and the lease to the flat will be up mid august so he wouldnt really have a reason to contact me besides to try and work on things.

however as he has done a 180 i am a bit confused as to what to do. I dont know if I should move on to reattraction or not.

i feel like i should go to the birthday party, look hot and just look like i am having a great time then cut off contact OR i dont go and start it now. He has mentioned the party 3 times to me now in the space of 2 weeks. what do you think would be the best move to make?
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:42 am

My brain says cut off contact but my heart say go to the party. Ah, what does my brain know anyways. I think that if you do exactly what you say there (look hot and all that) and go to the party and then cut off contact if it doesn’t go well you have a solid plan.
sara

July 30, 2013 at 11:57 am

thats what i thought 🙂

Robin

July 26, 2013 at 9:20 pm

This whole no contact thing scares the life out of me. I am a firm believe that all men are dogs, and this 30 days no contact will only result in him going some where else for his, eh hm, “personal needs”. It’s only been a week, since our split, and I’ve done every thing I’m NOT TO DO! So if I start now, who’s to say he’d ever even notice, miss me, or wouldn’t go looking elsewhere?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:02 am

All men are dogs LOL. Man, that makes me feel bad. I hope I’m not a dog :(.

Well, the NC rule is a risk I won’t lie. However, I have yet to find anything better and believe me I have looked everywhere. Nothing gets the amount of results as the NC rule does and I mean NOTHING!

Taylor

July 26, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Me and my boyfriend of 17 months and 11 days just broke up yesterday. He said that he just doesn’t care as much as he use too. He also said that his mind and heart wasn’t In it anymore. He’s a really caring guy and never yells but the past month when ever we’ve got into a disagreement he woul yell at me. He wasn’t happy being with me or the last month. He told me everything I do just annoys him. I’ve been the exact same person that he fell in love with. I was his first love which is helpful because it’s hard to forget your first love. But what should I do he said he wasn’t happy with me. I understand that he could have gotten annoyed with me because we saw each other a lot the last little bit but then we didn’t see each other for a week but had contact with each other. When he broke up with me he just seemed mad and wanted me to leave. I was told though it’s because he wanted to look serious and not show pain. So I left and hugged him and told him good bye and thy I love him. What should I do now? And after waiting 30 days how should I start to contact him? Text him? Or surprise him at his door. He also said he wants to be friends once we get over each other so I don’t know what that means! 🙁 please help me I can’t live without him!

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:00 am

Hi Taylor,

Right now you should do the 30 day NC rule. Don’t respond if he texts you during this time ok.

Also, after the NC you should contact him. Don’t show up at his door. That can go wrong and screw any chance you have up.
Taylor

July 28, 2013 at 5:13 pm

What should I say to him? Because he doesn’t want to hang out until he was over me what’s the best why of getting him to reply? And what do you think he means by his heart and mind isn’t in it anymore? Does that mean he doesn’t love me anymore? What if he doesn’t miss me? Do you think being his first love when we start hanging out he will see the connection again?
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:38 am

I think that if you were his first love you have an advantage. There is nothing like a guys first love.
Taylor

July 29, 2013 at 7:19 am

Is it possible that maybe when he sees me even if he says he’s over me that there could be a connection? And should I just text him a month from now and just say hey what’s up? Any advise on what to do if he doesn’t reply? 🙁 .. It’s only been 2 full days though
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:37 am

I think if you text him with a hey whats up it won’t go great. Your texts need to have more substance behind them.

If he doesn’t reply it’s not the end of the world it is his way of telling you that he isn’t ready to have a conversation with you yet.
Taylor

July 28, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Will the 30 day room make him miss me?
admin

July 28, 2013 at 6:04 pm

It is a great way to accomplish that for sure!

Ruth

July 26, 2013 at 5:11 pm

What if he passes me in the hallway…Should I ignore him, or say Hi? What if he says Hi first? Should I ignore him or say Hi back?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:54 am

If he passes you in the hallway do not ignore him. Be pleasant, friendly but keep the conversation to a minimum.

Ruth

July 26, 2013 at 4:15 pm

What if my ex approaches me and wants to talk like 3 weeks after the breakup (before 30 days)…What do I say? (Also, a different question…What if he asks for his key back….I don’t really want to give it to him because it’s one of the only things I have left from him and want to hold on to something, but don’t want to be mean…Can I just say that it’s at home and I’ll get it to him, but conveniently keep forgetting?) Back to my original question…Our first breakup was about 6 months ago, and 3 weeks afterwards, he approached me, apologized, asked for reconciliation, we got back together, and we had 5 months of perfect bliss, honestly. He has a lot of pride, and if I hadn’t talked to him at that point when he approached me, I don’t know if he would have ever given me another chance…This current breakup is also about his pride, and about his mother, not about his feelings for me, I know that for a fact. If he does try to talk 3 weeks into the breakup, what do I say regarding the 30 days? (I made a mistake and told him I loved him a few days ago…He said he loved me too, but also said mean things like we should have never gotten back together, but I know he didn’t mean it…It was said in a rage because he was jealous because he thought I had a date with another guy. He said I was being whiny and was going to blame him for my life being miserable because he didn’t marry me…which it is not, and I said nothing like that. I’m not really that kind of girl, I’m just frustrated that he would let his pride and ego ruin all we had together… At first, I thought if I reasoned with him that we could talk it out, but he wouldn’t settle down or listen to anything. I realize that now and realize my mistake…He is just acting so differently. I was going by the guy he was before where we could talk out everything. So, back to my original two questions…I just thought I’d give you a little more info.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:54 am

It’s called NC because you don’t contact him until the thirty days are complete so you ignore him.

Evs

July 26, 2013 at 12:23 am

Your article has been extremely helpful, as I was reading it, I felt much better. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we have been good friends two years before that. Last week we broke up on mutual terms. For the past three months we had quite a few arguments over small things, and I felt as if everything I did was wrong. He started to not care as much about the things I did and all affection he had for me in the beginning was gone. We slowly started to drift apart. During our break up he told me he had lost some feelings for me and wanted time and space to himself. Things hadn’t been working for a while but I had no idea he felt like this. He is Christian, and I am not, although I have been to Church a few times. This may have been the fundamental reason why we broke up.

His birthday was yesterday and it was impossible for NC which leaves me back at square one. I have asked if we could meet to talk over things and sort out what really happened, but he wasn’t ready to meet. I have reflected on the break up though and I do realize that although he was controlling and dominant at times, I have a lot of problems that may have pushed him away with time. Most of all, I am confused about how I really had no idea I was hurting him with my problems and I had no idea he started to lose feelings. I have decided that I need to move on, but if there was another chance I would take it instantly. I’ve always thought NC might push someone even further away, if they get the impression that you no longer want to speak with them..

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:19 am

So religious differences contributed to the breakup? I am so sorry to hear that :(.

I think if you play your cards right with NC that it won’t push an ex away. It will actually make them want you more. I am an optimist by nature though so I try to see the positive in every situation.

Lisa

July 25, 2013 at 9:45 am

Dear sir, i left a comment here yesterday. After i submitted, i saw my comment showed up on the website but was labelled as “waiting for moderation (?). However, I can’t find my comment anymore this morning. I wonder whether i did anything wrong? How can I leave a comment properly? Thanks a lot in advance!

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:47 am

Hi Lisa,

I moderate all the comments because there are a lot of people who try to spam this website unfortunately and I only want the legitimate comments being live. I am sorry if your comment got lost in the fray but if you want you can just reply to this and we can go from there.
Robin

July 27, 2013 at 2:09 am

This also just happened to mine. Booo. ):
I was saying how I fear the no contact rule will only result in him hooking up with someone else. is breaking it all off complete really going to do me good, cause i feel like its only going to cause more damage and pain for me.
Lisa

July 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Hi Sir, my comment showed up below along with your reply.. Thanks again!

Lisa

July 25, 2013 at 4:03 am

This man broke up with me > two weeks ago, but promised to be in my life as a close friend. He said he likes me a lot and said he will check in on me and figure out a way to stay connected after we both calm down. I have been struggling emotionally in the beginning, crying alone, doing nothing, but I did not contact him. Then I started my “emotional healing”: dancing, spending time with my girlfriends, shopping, trying to be happy (without him). During this time, he texted me 3 times and called me once, i texted back briefly, saying i am doing well, pretending nothing happened and sounded happy.. Though I was really heartbroken in the beginning, I do feel stronger and better in control of my emotion… But till now, i still feel that i love this man a lot and really want him back.. Though i am confident I can remain NC for a period of time, I was wondering how I should respond when he texts me or calls me.. I really appreciate your post and would love to hear your advice!

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:31 am

Hi Lisa,

Do you mind if I use your comment in a testimonial section for saying how stronger you have gotten through the NC rule?

I am so proud that you have taken control of your situation and feel much stronger. Here is what I would do the next time he texts you.

Start a conversation with him. It is important that you hook him into the convo. Right when you feel you have him hooked fall off the map for a couple of days. You are establishing control and he is going to want to come back for more.
Lisa

July 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Dear Sir, thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions and for your nice word! I will need to think about how to start a coversation to hook him up then if he ever texts me again – I have been reading on the other articles on your website, all of them are so helpful… Yeah, it is my pleasure if you want to use my comment on your testimony section. Although I still miss him a lot from time to time, in a way, I feel that the pain I have been through during these NC period and the amount of self control I need to have, will make me a “better” person – emotionally stronger and more confident in every aspect of my life..In this sense, I am proud of myself as well…

Your article is also absolutely right and helpful, – this period forces me to think about the reasons why the relationship went wrong, give me an opportunity to figure out whether he is the person I truly want to have in my life, and to work on bringing out the best version of myself (happy, sensual, fearless, and “beautiful”, which might have attracted him in the first place, but somehow got lost/compromised when I started to focus so much on him and cared so much about him…so I might appear as needy..).

Thank you again!!
admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:56 am

Your welcome Lisa. If you need anything feel free to comment or contact me. I do my best to make myself available!
Lisa

July 29, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Dear Chris, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind offer and appreciate your kindness to help us who are in need.. Best wishes!

Lisa

IronBian

July 24, 2013 at 5:28 am

i just want to consult my situation. my partner/gf is having this unreasonable and uncontrollable tantrums to the point that she throw a curse on me. she always gets mad at me even for such little things. one morning, i brought her food but didnt appreciate at all. she seldom text me. she seemed so near yet so far to me. it seemed that she doesnt care anymore. i known her to have a strong mood swings. for almost 2 years that weve been together, it almost the same years/months that she is asking for break up. but everytime we see and talk to each other, it seems that nothing had happened. but every time she is in bad shape, she always ask for break up. im thinking of giving her up now like what she wants to do with me. it just so sad to think that a am doing nothing but to love her in the way i know. what will i do with this kind of personality and how will i habdle our relationship and also myself?

admin

July 25, 2013 at 1:42 am

Try this out: try going a full week without contacting her. No matter what happens do not contact her. You might be surprised at how much she will miss you.

Danaira

July 21, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Been with my high school sweet heart since 16 and stood together for 3 solid years .In April he got kicked out his parents house and lived with me for a month or two getting towards Jun he started acting funny , showing less affection and more absent minded . I knew he had a ton if stress on him with trying to find a place to live and having enough hours to make good enough money . Last month on June we had a talk and he told me he wanted space to get his life in order he said he didn’t know how long it was going to be but he wanted me to wait for him , Two weeks passed I got desperate for a solid answer to see if I was waisting my time and I showed up at his job after he texted me saying he couldn’t talk and wanted to talk the next day . I showed up at his job anyways when he was closing up his job . I asked calmly if I was waisting my time and he flipped out on me && we got into a huge argument , things where said on his part that should never had been said but I ignored it . I refused to leave till he told me what was our relationship status && he was so PO’d I never seen him so mad . I left his job got in the car and cried . 3 days later he texted me saying he got suspended at work for two weeks and possibly fired. I never replied till the 4th of July . 5days later I called him to wish him a happy birthday and we talked a little and I tried to apologize for that night but didn’t want to hear it and said we will have a talk after his birthday about it but he never came around so I’v tempted to arrange it a week ago & he came to me about it but I told him Im to busy for It . So last Wednesday told him to meet up but he claim he couldn’t so I asked him Thursday he agreed I show up and he didn’t come at all blew me off . I called him & he acted like I never told him about the talk . And AGAIN he was to busy & he would call me tomorrow so we can talk , Instead of me arguing and getting worked up like I would I’d normally react I agreed and said fine calmly . Its been two days and he still didn’t call me about our talk to see what we are going to do with our relationship . I’m just tired of trying to reach out first and fix us . I Love him more then anything . He was my bestfriend first before being my boyfriend . I don’t know what to do anymore . Is the NC rule going to help our situation? I just don’t want to chase him anymore he never calls me or text me , I’v been doing it . I NEED HELP

admin

July 21, 2013 at 11:13 pm

Ok, you made a BIG mistake.

You shouldn’t have shown up at his job. That was not cool at all. You need to understand that, that is not ok. In fact, doing that landed you in the crazy ex girlfriend territory and that is not a place you want to be.

I think the NC rule will be beneficial to you esepcially for letting time go by so you can calm down and HE can calm down.

Lexi

July 19, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hi I’m 6months pregnant and after a break up with my ex almost 3 weeks ago. We’ve tried talking as friends but I’m so hurt by this break up. I’m recently on day 5 of NC but it hurts. He claims he still thinks of me as a close friend and that it maybe possible to salvage our relationship later on but I was constantly messing it up because I was just a word away from being a emotional mess and I would cry. He said he would get bothered by my crying and I would get vicious with my words telling him he’s a jerk for breaking his promises and no man would leave his pregnant gf no matter how difficult. Safe to say I’ve practically nailed my coffin shut but I’m hoping with my NC he can actually have time to see what he’s missing out on. He even told me why do you doubt that I can fall in love with you when I’ve loved you for five years.

Ugh I just want him back. I hope this NC can help even if it is just to make me less dependent on him. What’s your advice in all this?

admin

July 19, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Lexi,

Definitely do the NC rule. However, you really need to work to try to stop being so emotional. Emotions to guys is like the super plauge if they happen too often.

Meggie

July 18, 2013 at 5:18 am

So I was dating this boy for about 9 months. We just celebrated our monthly anniversary and a few days later he dumped me with no warning. He tried to be friends with benefits with me after but I said no, yet somehow we still ended up having sex and I don’t know why I guess i thought it would make him want me back which was stupid I know. But he used the line “it’s not you it’s me” he told me I’m perfect and that I’ve done everything right with him but he didn’t want to be in a relationship for this long and he wanted to “do his own thing” for a little while. He said he wanted to “break up” and not “go on a break”. And he said he wants to be with me but he wants to do his own thing. I’m really close with him and his family, he was my best friend and they were like a second family to me, and maybe that’s why its so hard for me to let all of them go because they’ve made up such a huge part of my heart… He was a player before me that hooked up with a lot of girls and we are each others longest relationships. I know he still cares because the last couple of days he’s come over and brought me food because he found out I wasn’t eating. In really miss him and want him back desperately but I don’t want to beg him anymore. I want him to her back with me because he wants to not because he feels guilty. My friends say he was probably just confused and a bit scared of his feelings and that’s why he just walked our all of a sudden but still sticks around me even though we haven’t done anything sexual since we broke up. I want to understand why he ended things but he won’t give me a valid reason. Today was my first day of the “no contact rule” since we broke up and it was really hard, but I don’t want to stop texting him because I don’t want him to forget about me and move on with someone else, even though he’s not much of a relationship guy. I need to know if I should just continue to ignore him and pretend I’m over it? Should I even try to get him back, or do you think he’s just leading me on and giving me false hope that someday we’ll get back together?

Meggie

July 18, 2013 at 5:32 am

Please respond to this one! I’m really torn up I need some specific advice.
admin

July 19, 2013 at 1:46 am

Of course I will respond!

Ok, here is your BIG problem. I talk a lot on this site about protraying an “ungettable” persona. Guys like a challenge and right now, the way you are acting pretty much tells him that he can get you any time he wants.

Going NC for you is super important and I think you are going to have to take the risk of doing it.

Belle

July 17, 2013 at 11:13 am

We’ve been together for more than 4 years and he broke up with me because he said he dont love me anymore..Prior to that,he always want break up but i never agreed that last for 4 years..He said that He is not happy anymore..I cannot accept that so i beg for Him to stay,.We are always fighting even physically, im the one whose proving him to do that..He did all the things that would hurt me like cheating and all..
I dont know what to do, I still want Him..Help me please

admin

July 17, 2013 at 7:16 pm

If you are being physically abused then he is not someone you want to get back with.
Belle

July 17, 2013 at 11:16 am

He asked for space and break up and He said dont expect that He will come back..Im afraid that will look for someone else by that time..
Belle

July 17, 2013 at 11:20 am

Do u think He still love me and all he want is just space to think?I have a fear that if I let Him go he will realize that it is lot happier without me,,
BELLE

July 18, 2013 at 12:32 am

Im the one whose provoking him to do that..

Jinx

July 17, 2013 at 10:46 am

Hello again, I don’t mean to hog Admin, but I just wanted to give you a quick update to my situation. I heard from a close mutual friend that my ex has quit abusing prescription drugs! 🙂

Also, a close friend of mine spoke with him the other day. He invited her to hang out, and she didn’t want to for whatever reason, and his reply was, “So we can’t be friends because I dumped Jinx, right?” Is it a good or bad thing that that was his first instinct? I mean… it means I’m on his mind, right?

admin

July 17, 2013 at 7:14 pm

He definitely has you on his mind. However, I wouldn’t get too overexcited. It is just a simple comment.

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