The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Clueless girl

April 19, 2020 at 7:43 pm

Me and my ex dated for seven months but he didn’t want a relationship because he didn’t want to become emotionally dependent on someone and eventually he realized that he became emotionally dependent on me and we started dating officially for a month and we broke up recently. My ex and I broke up a month ago because he said I was inconsistent about whether or not I wanted to be with him even though he said that the breakup was most likely going to happen because he is transferring schools and that nothing lasts forever. He refuses to see where I was coming from on this even though most girls would not put up with that. I called him a week later telling him it wasn’t a good idea to be friends because I had unresolved issues towards him which I do and he said that he doesn’t get back together with exes because that’s his “policy” and that “what’s done is done” even though I was his first serious girlfriend and he wanted to be friends after it ended. He accused me of trying to guilt him back into a relationship when that’s not what I was doing at all. I was trying to explain how I feel and not ghost someone out of nowhere. We dated for seven months. I then told him that I didn’t want to be friends with him and that he doesn’t deserve better because he treated me like shit because he would say things like “oh it’s going to be hard for you to find someone who cares as much about you as I do” when he couldn’t even give me a title and that I don’t care about him anymore because he doesn’t care about me and then I blocked him on everything not knowing what he said. This was almost a month ago and I regret it but I don’t think I have a chance of getting back together with him and I don’t know if I should apologize or how I should? I shouldn’t want someone like this back into my life but I do:( I don’t know if I should apologize or see if he contacts me first but I don’t think he will. What do you think I should do about this? Try to contact him and if so how?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2020 at 7:07 pm

Hey there, I would suggest that you complete 45 days NC before doing anything, and only reach out if you are sure you want them back in your life, I would suggest that you date casually during your NC if you can and see how you feel after a few dates with different guys

Angel

April 14, 2020 at 7:00 pm

Am i doing the right thing by implementing no contact? I have been seeing this man for two years but ive always been the one to pull away because im never his main priority. He still sees other people, i was as well, but i haven’t been for the last 6 months or so..we always found each other again and i know he loves every moment together as much as i do. Recently ive asked for more, he has fought me on some of that until i gave the ultimadium and he folded making it clear he didnt want to lose me but im hurt that i had to even force it to that. He should have been there for me from the beginning not because of the ultimadium i presented him. He says he wants to commit to me later in life, understandibly weve both been better off financially than we are right now. I cant accept that though, i cant handle feeling so close to him when we are together then feeling like im nothing every time we part. I know hes still seeing somebody and i know its largely a matter of convienance for him with her but still that sucks im not gonna accept 2nds. I made it clear i asked him not to call, i have ignored his attempts to contact , i feel i need to heal, i am unsure if this is even what i should be doing though since he did give me hope for the future and he did come through for me eventually he did make it clear to me that i am important to him. Just he still wont make me his priority entirely, hes still got her… I just dont think im important enough… Should i just play it cool or continue to ghost him? With all the uncertainty happening in the economy right now its gonna be a while till we are more stable financially. I dont think this is a good reason anyways , i think its better to have a partner through rough times like this so i think thats just another excuse as well. Anyways, he isnt trying to reach me anymore, its been a week… He messaged me first three days then gave up. Oh and im pregnant by him, should i involve him in this at all or just leave him to wonder what im doing with his potential responsibility? He wants me to abort. This sucks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 8:54 pm

Hi Angel, so as he does not make you a priority, yes follow the No Contact rules for 30 to 45 days depending on how strong you feel nearer the 30 day mark. As you are pregnant with his child you need to follow the rules of Limited no contact where you only speak about the pregnancy, and the possibility of abortion. When it comes to situations such as this, I always say it is up to you, its your body and its you who is committing to becoming a parent for the rest of your life. If he decides he does not want the baby, and you do then you have to accept that he is not going to support you or be involved as he has told you he does not want to be a father. If by the time the baby arrives he changes his mind of course that is when you arrange contact agreements.

Sheena Relojo

April 13, 2020 at 11:48 am

My ex is depressed and he chose to do no contact rule to me ( for sure without his knowing because he’s an Arab/Jordanian man. Does no contact rule applied on a depressed man? Because other people said, I should not leave him knowing he’s depressed. Please I need your advice. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 13, 2020 at 2:58 pm

Hi Sheena, I am just wondering if other people are going to be there for him such as family and friends. You can not be there for someone who does not want you there. If he has broken up with you then he is going to need space from you. Allow him some time to work on himself and yes you go into No Contact

Winona

April 12, 2020 at 3:46 am

I broke up with my ex over a week ago because he couldn’t make his mind up over whether I was “the one”’or not. We were supposed to meet up in person but he rescheduled on me three times, the third time being that he just lost his job due to the coronavirus. I said I was there for him but would I ever get an answer to the status of our relationship. He said he doesn’t know and that I need to trust him. I texted him saying i felt as though he’s playing games with me and that this is not how you treat someone who is “the one”. So I texted him back wishing him well and told him I hope he finds what he’s looking for and that I’m letting him go because I love him. He never texted me back. I’ve been doing no contact but I wanted to know whether I’ll hear from him again or did I mess up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 8:30 pm

Hi Winona, so it is possible you will hear from him again but if you want to improve your chances. Work on the Ungettable information Chris has produced and apply this to yourself so that your ex sees how great you are and feels that he has lost you because of him not being able to make a decision. I would also complete a 30 day NC before starting the texting phase

Heartbroken

April 10, 2020 at 5:48 pm

We broke up 5 weeks ago, I was dating a person who is scared of commitment hence never being engaged/married, narcissist, alcoholic. After two years of only being the weekend girlfriend and him refusing to be in my kids life I broke it off. I love him and still miss him though. He send me an email a week ago wishing me and family well. I haven’t contacted him nor responded to him. What to do? When I broke it off I told I wanted the whole girlfriend experience, future together etc and he refused .
Rachel

April 8, 2020 at 4:44 pm

Hey me and my ex broke up about 2 months back because things got very complicated we fought a lot mostly me. I was emotionally very vulnerable and cried over small issues. So he decided it was better we stay away. I tried calling and texting him immediately after but it was useless he seemed to have decided that he didn’t want this relationship. So I gave him some some space but he had a leg injury after some time so I texted him just to ask about it. Then I waited for few weeks after almost a month I texted him saying I’m ready to work on myself but he said he wanted to be single. I responded positively saying that I understand. I realised I hadn’t apologised to him so after about 3 weeks I said that I was sorry to which he said okay then we talked casually I asked him how he was and all and he said that he was having fun what does this mean

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 13, 2020 at 3:03 pm

Hi Rachel, I think this was his way of telling you he is still single, or not with anyone in a serious way. If you want this guy back then I suggest that you work on your Holy Trinity, to show your ex that you are doing well and enjoying yourself too. I would read about being Ungettable and apply this too. Any mutual friends be sure not to talk about him to them

Christik

April 3, 2020 at 11:09 pm

Hi, I was dating a guy for about 2.5 months. He had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship about 2 months before we began talking. We also had a lot of problems with our personalities & me being insecure about his ex. He always reassured me that he loved me & wanted to be with me. He said he likes things about me that he felt like his ex didn’t have. We are kind of opposites so it’s an opposites attract situation. When he ended it, he said he felt like he hadn’t been single in so long but that he still loves me & could potentially see a future with us. He said it wouldn’t be right for him to be in a relationship with me if he wasn’t all in since he felt a need to give himself time to be single. I can’t help but wonder if he made the decision due to our fighting or maybe even because of his ex. So basically I don’t know if it was a cop out or if he was serious about just needing time. I’ve started a no contact & as of now it’s been a week & a half since the breakup & we have not spoke. I’ve also used social media strategies. I’m unsure of what else I can do. He says he is doing what he thinks is best and I understand but I also see so much potential with us. Some advice and insight would be so appreciated!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 12, 2020 at 8:39 am

Hi Christik, so I think hes been honest he was in a long term relationship for 5 years and he wasnt single for long after either, this sometimes makes you the rebound – but as you have responded well you still have a chance of getting him back when hes had some head space. Keep doing as you are, continue your NC to day 30 and plan your texts from the articles and videos that Chris has provided

Lorelai

March 31, 2020 at 3:24 pm

Hi so I’m currently really confused. My guy broke it off with me after a fight. He blocked me off everything. I waited a week and then texted him off a fake phone number telling him i still care & didnt want to fight anymore and that i dont want to throw away the relationship. He replied saying he still cares about me too. We talked for a little while more. But now he hasn’t texted me since that night and it’s been 4 days. I’m paranoid that him saying that he still cares was a double-edged sword and could mean that he cares but still wants nothing to do with me? I’m not sure if he’s using this time to gather his thoughts, if it’s a power play, or if he is really just done?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 11:42 pm

Hi Lorelai, I would suggest that you give your ex / guy some time and let him decide what it is they want.

Sandra

March 31, 2020 at 5:40 am

My situation is a bit different. I am in a detached marriage. There is no physical or emotional relationship. I met my guy by sheer accident and sparks flew. I was honest with him from the get go. Over time, he was just not comfortable with my living situation. He slowly backed away and eventually I said ok, you are uncomfortable, I cant say I blame you, I appreciate your honesty and I said to take care. Its been only three days and I am climbing the walls. We never had a physical affair, it was emotional, a lot of talking and sharing but I wanted a physical relationship. He is my perfect match. I know he was into our emails yesterday because I have pixel tracking on my account. But he hasn’t been in there since. We never had arguments or anything, it was just him feeling uncomfortable and unable to go further. My best friend said he needs time to process the big picture and to leave him be. I am terrified he is gone for good, that he has decided I am not worth the trouble. I am leaving my marriage when our child graduates which will be spring of 2021, this was decided before I met this man. Please give me some tips and advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 11:45 pm

Hi Sandra, I would suggest that if you are to speak to this man again that you are planning on leaving your husband but you can not expect people to be accepting that you are living with your husband. You need to understand that for some people this concept is hard to understand.

Bianca

March 30, 2020 at 7:08 am

Hello, my ex and I recently broke up after being together for so long. I am away for school so I assume that is the issue. He told me how much he loved me and then one day, he started ghosting me. He proceeded to ask for space and said we should be friends until I return home. He continued to ignore me. I tried to respect his decision to have space but I am really attached to him so I gave in and constantly called and texted him until he blocked me. We had a great relationship with minimal arguments and no cheating. I started NC but did my gnatting ruin my chances and should i initiate contact after NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 30, 2020 at 11:17 am

Hi Bianca, so yes you would reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his videos and articles to get your ex talking to you again after your NC period. Make sure you are focusing on yourself during your NC and working on your Holy Trinity.

Sophie

March 29, 2020 at 1:09 am

My boyfriend of around 6 months broke up with me as he said he did not love me anymore . However he then did not know if he just wanted a break or to end the relationship for good . This was around a week ago and we have had some (but not much) contact since . Also one day after the breakup , his friend started flirting with me and he got very annoyed . Only today we established that we are on a break until he makes his decision of if he is ready to be in a relationship (this is his first serious relationship) . We agreed that we would not pursue anyone else but that we would have minimal contact . He said he thinks he needs a few days more to think , and he shall see if he needs more . I have not contacted him since this conversation . Should I not contact him until he makes his decision ? What if he gets accustomed to not having contact with me ? What if he wants to end the relationship for good ? I’m so scared

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 31, 2020 at 1:50 am

Hey Sophie, giving him space and following the information for a limited no contact is best for now and if he ends things then you start a full no contact from there. Make sure you show on social media that you are doing well and keeping yourself positive during this pandemic and making him see you are not crying waiting to hear from him

Bobo

March 23, 2020 at 12:28 pm

Hey any tips on getting “the angry ex” back we just broke up and I understand that the #1 step is to start No contact

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 10:29 pm

Hi Bobo, so before you get an ex back who is angry at you, you need to allow them time to stop being angry. This is where we do No Contact, but if you really hurt or upset them you may have to do the 45 day NC. If you cheated then make sure you are not attempting to make them jealous or hint that you are around other people

Ally

March 22, 2020 at 11:39 pm

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 yrs. I found out he kissed a co worker twice, he didn’t come clean I found out as a result of his distant behaviour In Jan. I asked him to have no contact with her via text or WhatsApp. I caught him messaging her on Twitter two days ago. We haven’t spilt up (yet) but it’s possible, he said he doesn’t know what he wants. I asked are we over he said he doesn’t know what he wants. He has gone to stay with his mum he said he needs space. Where do I stand with NC? There has been minimal contact as he recently had an operation.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 10:54 pm

Hi Ally, so you need to follow a limited no contact where you do not reach out to him or chase him. He may have a grass is greener syndrome right now so make sure that you show you are not going to hound him chase him or even force him to speak to you. The fact that he cheated on you – dont beg him to be with you! Let him walk away and then work the ERP process if you want him back

Cam

March 22, 2020 at 12:46 pm

Hi,
I wonder if you can help,
I was with a guy for 6 months, debatable whether he was a narcissist but I love him. I ended it 3 weeks ago to which he begged and pleaded, after I failed to relent he blocked me. A few days later I decided I made a mistake hut he says he had moved on followed by sending me a lot of angry texts blaming me. I stopped replying. He messaged me the next day asking an inane question. Fast forward a week, no contact but I told him I missed him. We spoke abit but he wouldn’t send more than a one word answer. I left it. Then he out of nowhere sent me an essay last wednesday saying how he’s been busy and hadn’t met anyone but jas moved on and needs to focus etc. I replied telling him I loved him etc has want him to be happy. The conversation ended after as usual he ignored what I said to talk about himself. Then nothing. However yesterday he messaged asking ‘ what’s up’. I have ignored it. What do I do? I want him back, flawed or not

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 29, 2020 at 10:11 pm

Hi Cam start by following the No Cotnact rule for 30 days minimum 45 if needs be to get yourself over the break up. Work the Holy Trinity during that time and then reach out to him with a text that Chris suggests

Sarah M

March 17, 2020 at 8:59 pm

Hi,

I’ve been dating a guy for about 8 months and we fell in love quickly and things were moving way too quickly. We have been fighting a lot for the last few months due to his lack of boundaries and him being in contact with his exes. After he found out some bad information about school, and the rest of his life started to go down the drain, he started becoming more emotionally distant and pulling away from me. He told me that he wanted to take a break and not break up and that he still wants me in his life and that he sees a future with me but that it scares him and that he thinks I could be the one, but he needs to focus on himself and sorting his life out so he can be happy internally. We decided to take a break and it’s been over 2 weeks with NC, the break ends quite soon. What do you suggest I do? And is there hope for our relationship? I love him and think he could be the one.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 12:05 am

Hi Sarah you need to stick to a NO Contact and be social with your friends, while he want to work on himself you work on yourself so that when he speaks to you in 30 days he is going to realise what hes lost

In Pain

March 17, 2020 at 3:04 pm

Hello,
I am trying to implement the NC rule but I don’t think I did it right. He broke up with me March 1 and reached out to me everyday to return our things to each other for four days. Finally I told him I wasn’t ready to see him again to return our things and that I would reach out to him when I was. Since then its been two weeks. Is this officially implementing the rule or am I just cheating since the only reason he wants to talk to me is to return stuff to each other? He hasn’t reached out, nor do I think he will until I message him and even if he does message me I think it’d only be to get his stuff back. Is this part of the plan or am I doing it all wrong?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 3:14 am

Hey there so if you could get your things back and then go into the rest of your NC without a reason for him to wait to hear from you would be best. As hard as collecting your things may be. It would be best to give your ex the impression you are doing better without him around

Harley

March 15, 2020 at 4:05 am

I’m just not really sure where my ex falls. We are coworkers so it makes it even more complicated. We talked during the breakup and he said the breakup wasnt my fault and that we didnt need to cut off all contact. I told him I had to for my sake in order to get over him. A couple of days later, I contacted him because I wanted to talk about the things he said during the breakup but he refused to talk about that, he said he never wanted to talk to me about that stuff again.

After that I havent contacted him since the 5th, we broke up 2/29.. we are in the same friend group so it hard to avoid him aswell. But I havent seen him that much other than a few times at work and I havent spoken to him directly since the 5th. I sometimes look at his snapchat stories but I try not to. Not sure if that is NC or not. I also post a lot on my snapchat that he looks at sometimes but his bff always sees.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 18, 2020 at 3:05 am

Hi Harley, so you need to do a Limited no contact where you speak when you have to but the rest of the time you avoid spending time with him or being around him. Avoid watching any stories if you can at all times. At least until your NC is over

Katrina

March 14, 2020 at 2:33 pm

Both in our 50’s, been married and divorced each. He broke it off around 8 months ago because of an illness he has but i dont believe that was the reason. I tried to reconnect but he wouldn’t. In that time i had a major heart op. Couldnt cope with it all on op day and sent him a message (so did my friend). When i came round from ICU, he had messaged to say he had made the biggest mistake. He turned up at the hospital and we started relationship again. When i have a problem i dont talk about it, but go silent or moody with the person. Within last 4 months this has happened a few times with us. At christmas things were great, even at Valentines he sent me flowers. Booked a holiday at beginning of the year for this summer. Things started going downhill about 4 weeks ago. He admitted to talking with an old friend on social media who was having a hard time, and he may have feelings for her. Said he didnt love me or have feelings for me anymore. I poked him and pushed him wanting him to talk to me more but he wouldnt and he left the house (we didnt live together). He now says i attacked him, but i didnt. I was provoked because he wouldnt talk to me. I messaged him after it happened but he didnt reply. I called at his house but he wouldnt let me in. Its now been 12 days since and he hasnt reached out to me. He hasnt blocked or deleted me on Whatsapp which we used. Im so lost. I have no friends at all. I dont work due to some medical problems. I live with my daughter and her family as i cant cope being on my own. I need someone in my life to love and need me. To be part of a team. Its not so much doing N\C as to why ive not messaged him, but because im scared of the message i may or may not receive back after the last time. I have no motivation to get out of bed each day, and fear what the future has in store for me given my health problems and age. What should i do to try and connect with him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 12:00 am

Hi Katrina, giving that you have completed a 30 day minimum No Contact, and then reach out with a text that you know he is going to want to reply to. Something about his interests. Something that is goign to allow you both to have a short but positive first conversation. And then build up those conversations from there

Kai

March 12, 2020 at 1:26 pm

I dated this guy for three months and I recently found out that I’m pregnant now. I informed the guy and basically he said he has too much going on with his current daughter mental health. Which I’m fully aware of he has completely included me in their lives but now that I said I’m pregnant and do not want an abortion he’s angry at me and has not contacted me for a week should I move on or contact him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 1:48 pm

Hi Kai, think of things this way it takes two to make a baby so he didn’t take precautions to make sure that he didn’t get you pregnant. IF you choose to have this baby then you need to accept that you may be doing it alone if he is not willing to be involved. That is something you have to accept from the start and not hold that against him in the future. You have 9 months of him getting used to the idea of having this baby so make sure you remain as calm as you can during pregnancy and focus on yourself

Agape

March 12, 2020 at 9:26 am

Hi.I met my boyfriend last year July,he pursued me till I gave in on November.we have been doing fine until January when he called in the morning and I couldn’t answer his call coz I was asleep n when I woke up n called back he started accusing me of sleeping with another guy.I felt hurt n I wanted yo convince him that wasn’t the case.he broke up with me but I didn’t accept the breakup.I would send him messages explaining how I would never cheat on him n how I loved him.we kept silent for three days n I thought the relationship was over,he contacted me the fourth day n we reconciled.recently two weeks ago,I posted a picture on my WhatsApp status, i took that picture in a certain company which my ex worked at,he texted me saying that I was looking after my ex and he wishes us the best..again I felt disrespected n mistrusted.I tried questioning him why he keeps accusing me of cheating on him while I’ve never done that.we broke up n kept mum for 5days.he sent me a picture of him being awarded in their industry.I was so excited he had finally contacted me.I just replied ‘congrats u deserve it!’ Later on during that same day,he sent me pictures of him at a hiking ground around the area I live,I felt offended coz he lives far from me like 3hours drive from where I stay n he came to hike some place near me n didn’t feel the urge to contact me.I was so hurt .he sent a message that he misses the memories we shared but he’s still going strong.I felt he had already moved on and didn’t mind about my feelings.I told him that I don’t want to hear from him n I blocked him.he has never contacted me since then.it’s now 4 days since then. Will he come back?and if he does, how do I deal with him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 24, 2020 at 12:40 am

Hi Agape, if you want to get back with your ex then I would first assess the relationship and the red flags that you have mentioned above. The fact that you did not answer his call and he automatically assumes you were cheating on his is worrisome. Have you given him a reason to not trust you? Is he going to be willing to work on his insecurities to make a relationship like this work? When you are long distance trust is very important. If you want him back follow the process if you do not want him back then stick with indefinite no contact

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”