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Keyra
February 26, 2016 at 6:30 am
Hi. my boyfriend ignore for the second times now. it’s just been 4 months since we get back and now we haven’t talk for 4 days already.He don’t even reply to my text. and I’ve decided not to text or call him because I am trying to follow the NC. I don’t think I irritate him or annoy him during our last met because a week before this we met at the university campus and he said ‘don’t try to find me at the campus’. i’m upset and sad. We’ve been together for more than a year. I love him so much and I don’t want a breakup. What should i do? Will he come back to me? because he looks exactly like the clueless guy. i’m afraid if he still doing the NC. and what should i do after a month doing the NC? should i contact him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 11:53 am
Hi Keyra,
Why did he brean up with you? Read this post, so you understand more about what is no contact and what to do after. ..
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
Jessica
February 20, 2016 at 4:16 am
So looking at the types you’ve mentioned I’d say my ex is the angry guy, but he is the type of angry that doesn’t talk to you until he’s calm again which might be why he hasn’t talked to me again after the break up… you see, I broke up with him because he became really, really distant. He said he didn’t want to break up and he even cried when I did… but then he told me that I was actually right and that he didn’t have time for me and that it’s better for the two of us this way. So I don’t know if he’s angry or he’s just accepted the break up (which is why he hasn’t contacted me and he won’t do it) and I guess acceptance – which isn’t listed – is probably the worst case scenario because he is already on the moving on phase, right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 10:30 am
Hi Jessica,
if he has already accepted it, that means he is open to start over as friends again right? Maybe not right ahead, but will be
Rachael
February 16, 2016 at 9:39 am
Hey.. I have read a few pages of yours… My boyfriend broke up with me last month and is very sure he doesn’t want this relationship anymore.. But claims to still love me.. I pleaded him a lot, because this is a very tough phase of my life, so he agreed to stay with me for another month and then he would leave me next month. But I just can’t afford to lose him.. He wants to break up because my “irritating” behaviour.. I tried to change a lot, but somehow healqays ends up finding a fault. How do I prevent the break up? I really believe he is the one for me.:(
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 1:08 pm
Hmmm.. I think this post can best explain the answer
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Rachael
February 16, 2016 at 9:43 am
But somehow he always*
Francesca
February 12, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Hello, thank you for the insights you provide on this website. I have always wondered whether reading online dating tips is ever a good idea as some of the advice on other blogs has been awful. This website seems sound though. Excellent 🙂 Relationships certainly aren’t easy, they involve work and it is so good to provide a platform where we can chat about them.
My situation is that I didn’t exactly break up with a boyfriend, but rather – a man I’d been seeing for a couple of months. We weren’t exclusive, but things certainly seemed to be heading that way.
Trouble would brew when he would change from texting me everyday, beginning with a good morning text and messaging me not short of every hour – to nothing for a few days. This had happened before (ever since I’d met him) every now and again and, due to the inconsistency, naturally I’d freak out a little bit (I had a very bad past relationship experience before, where I found out my ‘boyfriend’ at the time was secretly married. I think this has made me more insecure in relationships). I would message him things like ‘can you just let me know that you are ok, as I’m worried’. He eventually got angry and sent me a very angry message telling me to either chill out or not text him at all. I wasn’t expecting this message at all from him and it really upset me; I thought it wasn’t very considerate of him. However, maybe this actually wasn’t very considerate of me. He was also in a very stressful place at this time with some serious family issues, so he probably was finding it pretty ridiculous having to then respond to my worrying that he didn’t like me, on top of this. After this angry message, I left it a few days and eventually apologised. To which he explained he felt hurt that I continuously don’t trust him as all he done is treat me so well (which he has, apart from the inconsistency in contact). He then said ‘maybe we can move on from this. How are you?’ Awesome, I thought 🙂 Anyway, the contact from him got more and more distant over the next few weeks until I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couple of days ago I sent him a rather long, but nice and thoughtful message telling him that something must have changed and that it’s cool, but I feel unwanted and I think it’s time I should just quietly leave. I said I think he needs a more laid back woman, as I freak out when his texting habits change so much. I said I’m glad I met him as we had a really good time, and it would be nice to stay friends if he wants to. I also said to him to contact me if he wants to see me again, as that’d be nice, but otherwise, I’ll say good bye.
I felt proud of that message, as I have been victim to sending angry messages in the heat of the moment that I later regret. He’s read the message and I haven’t heard anything. I think he is back on the dating site, where we originally met. I am keeping myself very busy and productive and have been feeling great. But every now and again I get this twang of awful-ness, as this guy was actually my dream man. I am in no rush to get into a relationship with someone who isn’t right for me, and I have a huge amount of experience from good and bad relationships in the past. This man and myself have exactly the same opinions and values, about all the important things in life, and we really do seem to want the same thing. I now feel that my ‘clinging-ness’ pushed him away, but that actually, I could work on this (work on loving myself and realising how absolutely beautiful my life really is, which I’ve realised a lot over these last few days. I haven’t felt this good in a long time). To think about this feels all quite petty really; we throw away something that could have been something all because of… texting habits.
I’m thinking that I should start the 30 days no contact; so that even if he gets in touch, I don’t respond. Do you think this is a good tactic or could it back fire on me? Advice muchly appreciated 🙂 Do you think I responded in the right way with my message and decision to cut it off? I felt ignored and like I was being walked over, and nobody likes to feel like a wet blanket, waiting around for his next message. But I think I know what ruined the relationship, and we never got chance to really talk about any of this in person. So maybe there is hope, 30 days from now!
Francesca
hana
February 21, 2016 at 3:42 pm
Wow, I am in a similar situation. He went NC on me first. I just started it!
Francesca
February 13, 2016 at 11:36 am
Thank you very much Amor 🙂 Good advice! I really appreciate your help xx
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2016 at 11:53 am
Welcome 😉
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2016 at 11:07 am
Hi Francesca,
For me you did the right thing but I get that you think you should have talked first right? But you already did, you’ve raised that concern to him and it worsened.
So the best thing to do was what you did,
and with nc,for me go with 21 days first, if he texts within that, initiate after 21 days.. if he doesn’t text within 21 days, extend until 30 before you text..
For me, if he texts within the 21 days, I don’t think you would push him away of you don’t reply right ahead.. unless it’s an emergency..
Francesca
February 12, 2016 at 10:15 pm
* Door mat, not ‘wet blanket’ – hehe sorry, wrong expression!
Chelsea
February 11, 2016 at 6:03 pm
HI Chris – my boyfriend broke up with me. We had been together for four months. It was a complete surprise as we had a very good relationship and were really on the same page about where we were headed and what we wanted. He pushed the relationship forward and really took the lead. He broke up with me one night, completely out of the blue. Said he felt something was missing. Wanted to stay friends, didn’t want to lose me. I did no contact. He tried to reach out a lot the first two weeks – finally I made it clear I didn’t want to talk and didn’t want to stay just friends.
After seven weeks, he sent me a text that was fairly neutral. We started texting a little. He hasn’t said anything about missing me or getting back together. He kept it light and said we should hang out and go to a hockey game soon. I’m worried that he still just wants me as a friend and I think that would be too hard for me. What’s going on here? Should I meet up with him or should I wait until he is more clear about what he wants?
I want to get back together, I miss him a lot, but I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t sure about me. Do I give him a chance to hang out with me and realize what he’s missing? Or should he already know and be making a bigger effort to win me back? I don’t want to end up in the friend zone, I think that would be too hard for me. Help please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Hi Chelsea,
I go for giving him a chance to jang out with you and use that to peak his interest, if you’re seeing that he’s put you in the friendzone, distance yourself
Cate
February 10, 2016 at 10:16 pm
I have started NC but think I may have made a mistake by saying directly that I need no contact and saying it is until the end of February rather than just doing no contact. Would like your advice on that.
My husband initiated the separation and said things like “the outputs no longer equal the inputs”. I have done all the mistakes listed “begging” “apologising” “trying to make him see how good we are together” crying and being needy. At least now I have a bit of dignity. Our sex life was fantastic right up to the last day. Just last week he was ringing and emailing wondering if I am seeing someone else and saying he wants to have sex with me and could he just come over. Then I found this information and it made sense. So started NC only 4 days ago and am going to buy the guide. I also understand that what I am doing is brave and that it may accelerate him finding someone else.
My thoughts now are get up to the end of February and then keep going until 30 days at least. He will be annoyed at that stage I know. My concern would be that I am not a person who goes back on my word and I had said that I would accept contact in March. How would you handle this one?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 11:55 am
Hi Cate,
if he knows you’re just doing this until end of feb, he probably would’nt be angry, he’ll just wait til feb is over. It lessens the chance of him missing you more but he will still miss you. And it remove his attraction to you once you improve physically.
What do you mean that you don’t go back on your word? Do you mean you don’t want to talk him but you have to because you said it?
Julia uk
February 10, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Hi,
I’m just after a little advice and support please. Well I’ve used the no contact rule on a previous relationship and it really worked for me after buying “ex boyfriend recovery pro” so my current bf ( now ex ) recently finished things after a long txt argument about me talking to men on the internet before we met. One I became friends with and still now and then chat too although I have totally cut contact with him now. So after me trying to defend myself ( none of it was hid from him from day one he was looking for a argument all day ) things got out of hand, he was quite personal with his insults and decided to end things, I didn’t reply when he txt that. This was on a Sunday night. After no contact either way he txt me on Monday evening asking for his watch back, he had left other items but didn’t ask for them. I didn’t know what to reply as new I was in a bad way about the spilt and didn’t want him to see me like that plus I’d started nc. In the end I knew i needed to get him his watch sooner or later so I txt please send a mailing address on the Tuesday. He didn’t reply with one until the Thursday, i didn’t reply. I couldn’t work why it took so long as he asked for the watch to start with? I posted the watch and wrapped it up so it wouldn’t brake ect and paid special delivery. He txt saying he appreciated the time and effort I took to post his watch and thank you. I still don’t reply. So this is bringing it to Friday. Very late on Saturday night, not doubt he was drunk, he txt me some song lyrics that don’t mean anything to me. Although that was our thing to send songs and lyrics. He didn’t put a X on any of these txt ( we always send 4xs) so I know he is still in a off mood with me. The lyrics don’t make sense to the situation or anything so I guess he just likes the song and knew I would. It’s Wednesday now and 10 days of no contact. I’m really starting to want to msg him. We were only in a 3 month relationship so I feel 30 days is a long time given the time we dated? Also we had a fall out over Christmas, he said sorry and said he thought he had lost me to which I replied no but you will next time and I’m scared he’s taken that literally. Do I sick with 30 days or 21? And do you think there is still a chance after his mostly odd and formal messages? Oh and I feel like he always starts a argument with me when he has been in a fight with his ex wife, they have a child so still need to talk. He wouldn’t admit he does that but I’ve noticed the pattern
Thanks in advance julia uk
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 11:29 am
I think just 21 since you’ve only been 3 months together. And I think he misses you. If he starts to argue with you, don’t reciprocate. Be calm and stop talking to avoid saying things out of anger
Megan
February 10, 2016 at 4:16 pm
Hi! So I’m really struggling with understanding where I stand with my ex these days. He broke up with me exactly 2 weeks ago, we were together for almost a year and a half, but he said he needed some space and time to find himself and figure out where his life is going. He said he still wanted to be friends, I did cry beg and plead for him to stay, everything I shouldn’t have done. I was really needy and clingy in the last few months of the relationship, but I didn’t see this coming. I tried the nc rule but broke it after 6 days but only to tell him I’m doing alright and that whatever he chooses in life I hope his happy, just so he knows I still care. He said he is doing very well in fact, but that scares me thinking he is happier without me and might move on. I still want to be with him and want for this to work out more than anything in the world. So I’m going to go back on the nc rule for 30 days this time and see where things go. Oh and within those 6 days of me not talking to him, he never said anything to me either. I’m really scared he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I also told him I couldn’t be just friends with someone I’m in love with and I think I hurt him a little bit by saying that but I’m hoping that will let him think about what he’s really losing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 10:51 am
Hi Megan,
Finish nc first, it’s normal that you’re afraid but nc will help you to be more confident and for him to miss you too
Robin
February 9, 2016 at 4:54 pm
I am actually a lesbian, but my girlfriend fits the “stubborn guy” (more specifically the victim) and the “angry guy” very well. Hoping you can still help me…
We had a really good relationship. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I was pretty good to her. I logged about 30,000 miles by myself driving to and from her house and I helped care for her invalid mother. I helped clean her house, helped completely clear out the contents of her mother’s house, helped with garage and estate sales, and emotionally supported her through everything. Our relationship was about A LOT more than that of course, but I’m trying to say I did the best I could in helping make her life even a little easier.
We had a great weekend but then we had a small fight. It was over us both being insecure and jealous for no reason, and the fight was very petty and unnecessary. I admit I contributed to it just as much as she did. But it blew up, and culminated in a lot of name calling and threats (from her) and ultimately me smacking her because she wouldn’t stop these names and threats while I was driving. She went into complete outrage and chaos mode and screamed that I was an abuser and all sorts of other things, and a mere 10 hours after we woke up lovingly in each other’s arms, her telling me how special and important I am to her, she’s blocked me on social media and my number. Had her friends and family block me too (curiously all except her mother, who keep in mind lives with her). She’s telling people I abused her.
The moment it happened I stopped the car and profusely apologized, I spent the next 3 hours in the car apologizing and saying how wrong I was. It fell on deaf ears. It didn’t surprise me though, she always is INCREDIBLY stubborn, does not reach out to people first, and loves to play the victim in every situation. I’ve never laid my hands on her or called her names in the entire 18 months we were together before this day. She hadn’t on me either, but she does get angry often. She ripped the front off of her dresser a few months ago when she was angry at me. She throws things (in general, not at me) and screams her head off. I was willing to take all the blame for that terrible day, because hitting her is physical violence and that trumps all, but she wouldn’t even consider it. She seemed less angry by the end of the day, nodded sadly when I said “please don’t let it be forever,” but then seemed to have regained her anger the next day.
I haven’t tried to reach out since then, which was two weeks ago yesterday. I know I’ve simplified it here, but I’m really not an abuser or a monster. I have always been the doting and subservient one in the relationship. I know that despite what I did to her, she is probably surprised I haven’t tried to reach out. Of course I want to, of course I’ve been temped. There are a few avenues she didn’t block, and I honestly think the block was more to punish me than because she truly never wanted to hear from me again. Everyone in my life who knows the whole story is saying she way overreacted, that while I made a huge mistake (which I will always admit and be VERY apologetic for), I didn’t bruise/batter/break/bleed her and she was verbally abusing me when it happened. I just don’t know.
I wrote her a letter (that is pretty one sided, I just apologized and took complete ownership of what I did, I told her I was in therapy now – which I am, and asked for forgiveness and for another chance to earn her trust). Do you think it would get me anywhere considering she’s the stubborn/angry/victim type person? And should I send it after 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2016 at 1:31 pm
Hi Robin,
But you already apologized right? Repeatedlu. It’s not that I don’t want you to give a sincere apology but I’m afraid, from what you said, that will put you in a position where she can overpower you or use that to play the victim again. And also, it’s better if she unblocks you in your major forms of communication before you contact her
Sparrow
February 9, 2016 at 3:05 am
So, here’s my situation. I was with my ex, let’s call him “Alexander”, for a little over one and a half years. We’ve been split up for almost 4 months now. He and I are both 18. He decided to dump me because he had the whole, “the grass is always greener,” idea in his head and that we should never speak again. As a person suffering from anxiety, bipolar, and depression, I freaked out. For the first month I texted him constantly, flipping between the whole, “I miss you, Alexander,” “I hate you,” “I’ve moved on,” “I can’t live without you,” and, “STOP IGNORING ME!” Even though I still loved Alexander, I decided to try dating this guy from one of my college courses. Let’s call him “Daniel.” Daniel and I had a lot in common, more than Alexander and I ever did. Once we started dating, Alexander came back around, telling me how much he wanted to see me and hang out, so we did. Every other week, he’d flip between “I want you,” to, “I don’t want to hear from you again.” Also, things with Daniel took a turn. He treated me poorly, showed little affection, and treated me more like a friend. I wanted to give Daniel a better chance than just a month, so I stayed with him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. (Now I realize he was a major rebound for me.) Alexander and I continued our complex friendship with hanging out. Eventually, I cheated on Daniel with Alexander. When it happened, we both felt a lot of regret, but we promised we wouldn’t tell anyone. Throughout the last 2 months of mine and Daniel’s relationship, we continued cheating, which I do regret. It wasn’t just the physical aspect that made me do it. He acted like he did before we broke up, like treating nicely, doing cute things I liked, etc. The relationship between Daniel and I ended quickly mutually due to no real feelings for each other, and we remained friends with no real complications until one night; he and I were hanging out, and he brought up our short lived relationship, telling me to swear on my life that I didn’t cheat on him. Being the honest person I was and because the guilt ate me up, I told him the truth. After that, he hasn’t talked to me, not that I expected him to. Also, I told Alexander that I broke his promise of keeping the cheating a secret. He no longer wishes to speak to me and has been ignoring me, “just like [he’s] wanted to 4 months ago.” I’ve had no contact with Daniel since I told him, which was 5 days ago. It’s been easy due to my lack of attachment for him. However, I still have a lot of strong feelings for Alexander, hence why I cheated with him, and would like for him to come back. I haven’t been able to successfully engage no contact with him (I’ve tried since the beginning of the breakup). Will no contact still work in this situation? Also, what do you suggest I do, as a person with bipolar who becomes super dependent on one person for happiness (Alexander), as far as getting my mind off him and giving him the space he needs? I do take medication and I do see a therapist. Please help. Thank you.
Sparrow
April 1, 2016 at 9:31 pm
Oh, and one other detail I forgot. I’m pretty sure it was today. He deleted me off of Facebook. That was before I even texted him. He also is still friends with my mother on Facebook.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 4:13 am
Sorry for the late reply..Try again after 3 days.. If he deleted you off Facebook, there’s a chance he blocked you on phone
Sparrow
April 1, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Update: After Valentine’s Day, I spoke to him. I only did 1 week NC. He seemed very happy to see me. It ended really quick after we slept together. He would text me but refuse to hang out with me anymore. I stopped talking to him on the 1st of March. I did the full NC. Today, I decided to send him a message. It was a meme (I mean, who doesn’t like memes?) He saw it but never answered yet. Any tips to getting him to answer?
Sparrow
February 11, 2016 at 4:28 pm
Thank you, Amor. I’ll continue no contact with him. I think a good way to go about no contact now is giving up talking to him for lent since it just started. (I have a Catholic upbringing, and while I don’t really practice my faith and I’m agnostic, I still give things up for lent for the sake of my family.) That’ll give me 40 days to work on myself. I even started before lent, and it’s already been 48 hours with no contact. I’m going to keep seeing my therapist, making myself look and feel better (I’m a little on the heavier side), see my friends more often, and just try moving on incase he doesn’t come back. I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that he might not come back, and I’m alright with that. My family is very supportive and will help me through it. They really like him and know how happy he makes me. If I do get a second shot, I’ll be sure to love myself first. I’ll be sure to update you if anything happens. Again, thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 1:34 pm
That’s good! you’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 11:42 am
HI sparrow,
If it’s just the second time it can but just keep in mind the more you do it, the less it’s effect.
It’s good that you have a therapist but I think awareness is a big factor in going at it. I don’t have bipolar but I have experienced depression.
And as it is, it’s an experience. It’s our identity. You may experience the effects of having bipolar but that’s not your character. It doesn’t make uo who you are. You said you are dependent on him, so you know you are. That’s good. The next step is exploring or discovering how you can cultivate your own happiness.
And maybe this can also help
True love means you’re already complete and he’s just an addition to your life. Because if you need him to feel love for yourself, that means you don’t really love him. You’re just using him to feel loved because you can’t give it to yourself.
Lacey123
February 8, 2016 at 5:34 pm
Hi. Do you have an email address I can contact you on as my situation is very long and I don’t want to bore everyone with it.
Many thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 8:36 am
Hi Lacey 123,
It’s support@exboyfriendrecovery.com
Rosa
February 7, 2016 at 1:21 pm
My ex husband (not divorced YET) has a new girlfriend. Everyone suspect its a rebound but I’m not quite convinced. He started dating her a few weeks after we signed the separation papers. He seems happy and extatic over his new life. Have started MC due to the fact we have kids. I’m not responding emotionally when he tries to contact me. Asking why I won’t see him or when he thanks me for being a good mother to the little ones. It all seems like an act of guilt. I havn’t metioned my feeling towards the new girl situation. I have only contacted him once regarding him sleeping over in her house with the kids. What ever the outcome may be I think it’s too soon to introduce them for a new family situation when they are getting use to the fact daddy isn’t living in mommys house any more. He hasn’t bought a new house yet so his stuff is still here.
The question is how do I proceed? They are moving in the speed of light in this relationship and he is planning buying a new house. I’m not seeing any type behaviour telling me he even wants to come back. Should I just give up the MC as well? I think I’m doing it the best I can due to the fact I have to respond when it’s regarding the children and the economy.
Should I keep on the MC and just wait and see if this relationship ends?
I should mention this is the love of my life and I’m not giving up on him the way it seems he is with me!
Hope you have the time to reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:07 pm
Hi Rosa,
You were right about the kids not sleeping over with the other woman around. I think they’re in the honeymoon phase.. The good thing is, you have children together, so, you’ll be connected no matter what and you have plenty of time to try to attract him back. If now is not the right time, at least make your MC worthwhile by gettin used to pampering yourself, improving yourself and rebuilding your self esteem
Conflicted
February 7, 2016 at 12:50 am
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me last Friday out of nowhere. This is the third time this has happened. We otherwise have a wonderful, trusting, fun, loving relationship with amazing chemistry. He got divorced a year ago. It was a 13-year relationship and a 12-year marriage that ended because his ex-wife had been cheating on him for 2 years. He now has some major fear of intimacy issues and walls up that I can’t seem to climb. The next morning, I called him asking him to slow down because he was being reactive. The past 2 times this happened, giving him a few days of space to think had him returning to me with renewed love and intentions. He agreed to take a week to think about things. During that time, I alternated between a day of no contact and then another day of calls, texts, and emails. Last night we got together to talk since it’s been a week now. When I asked him why he broke up with me to see if we couldn’t resolve or work through whatever caused this, he listed minor grievances that are surely not deal-breakers. He admits he has issues and needs to work through them, but still held to that he’s made up his mind. Today I decided to implement no-contact, since this breakup is now official. He texted me this morning at 11a, saying “I’m sure you’re hurting this morning. I am too. I’m sorry I hurt your heart. Try to have a good day.” I did not reply. At 3:30 he texted again: “Are you OK? Are you alive?” – I did not reply. At 4:30 he called me and I didn’t answer. He then immediately texted me saying: “Just going to ignore me huh? Nice.” He’s supposed to stop by Thursday of this week to pick up some things he still has at my house. He’s said last night he wants us to be able to be friends. When I asked him if he had any small part of him that wonders if he’s doing the right thing by breaking up with me, he said yes. I truly feel that he needs to acutely feel what life is like without me to appreciate what we have and be motivated to not only get me back. Last night I also told him, if you ever feel like you made a mistake I hope you’ll come to me, will you? He nodded. I said, tonight when I leave here, this relationship is over, and if you ever come back to me a new one begins. And you need to be ready to come correct. I don’t want to burn bridges here, and I can tell he’s getting angry I’m not replying. I just replied saying: I just woke up from a nap and had my phone downstairs. It wasn’t intentional. I’m alive… I guess this means I need to start over with the no-contact tomorrow? How am I to handle the Thursday meeting for his things? I really do think NC will help this situation but I also don’t want to alienate him. What should I do?
Conflicted
February 7, 2016 at 1:27 am
He replied saying: Well, I’m glad you’re OK.
I have not responded.
I don’t know how I’m going to do this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Hi Conflicted,
Their anger is actually their form of tantrum… If you want, you can do nc after he picks up his things.
Conflicted
February 7, 2016 at 12:56 am
Update:
ME: I just woke up from a nap and had my phone downstairs. It wasn’t intentional. I’m alive…
HIM: I was worried about you. Sorry to bother you.
ME: You’re not bothering me.
I obviously suck at this.
Jane
February 5, 2016 at 11:10 pm
If my ex has a mid-caller reaction and loses the duel, do I still continue the NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 1:05 pm
did you mean if you answered the call and you talked? that means you have to start the count over.
Rain
February 3, 2016 at 7:32 am
Hello, I actually need some kind of help? I was the one who broke up with him 6 days ago after being with him for 4 months and I want him back. I know it sounded ridiculous why I wanted him back when I was the one who broke up with him. He’s 16, I’m 23 and we were in a long distance relationship with 8 hours of time difference in between us. We planned to meet in summer but having the break up, I don’t think that will be happening.
I broke up with him because he made me feel that he’s trying to get me off his back so much and longing for the break up because we had been fighting a lot and he said the relationship is adding more stress to what he already have to deal like school. We had talked about this before and I tried my best to be understanding to it because I know how hard assignments are hence he couldn’t talk much to me but I then found out that he was chatting in games with other people which I do play the game with him at some point during the relationship, instead of doing his assignments which got me really upset to know that he is able to spend time with others but not me, the girlfriend. He even do skype calls with them instead of doing it with me and said because when I’m awake, he had to do his stuffs and everything.
We still talked after the break up for 2 days when I stopped talking to him for a day immediately after the breakup and he said he wanted to at least still be friends but I just couldn’t stop talking about the relationship and his answers to me were just “I don’t know” or he just don’t reply me and when I asked why wasn’t he replying (Yes, I turned into a text gnat at that point), he said he didn’t know what to say. On sunday, my last question/words to him was “could we get back together?” He replied “We’ll see.” And from then, I had stopped talking to him and blocked him on this app we often talk on because I know if I don’t, I will continue to talk to him about our relationship. But I didn’t tell him I had to stop talking to him. I just did and it’s day 3 of NC.
I really do miss him terribly and hoping, praying he would come to me, saying he wanted me back and wanted to handle it better instead of running away. But as the time passed, I am having thoughts that he will not try to contact me, because the feeling he is giving me now is that he doesn’t really care much and that is really happier without me. Because I had read this post and none of these guys seemed to be like him and he might actually turn out to be the guy who will just stopped trying to contact and really not contact anymore, saying he’s giving me “space”.
Is there really any chance of him trying to contact me or eventually return to me?
Rain
February 6, 2016 at 2:04 pm
I was in this NC (into a week) with him and my friend went to talk to him. My friend told me that he said another friend of mine told him not to talk to me because I will get upset when he did and hence he isn’t going to text me or anything anymore. Should I continue with the NC but my friend said he’s really stubborn and is really going to not talk to me? Or will he ever reach a breaking point that he will actually try to text me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 1:40 pm
If that’s the case, the more you should do nc and finish it. Because it’s probable that he will be annoyed because your friend said a different thing and then you did a different thing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:39 pm
Hi Rain,
He is just 16 years old. He’s immature, and I do not think A relationship is what’s on his mind right now. Even your problems with him is only for an immature person, so it’s going to be hard to expect someone immature to be mature enough to be serious in a relationship. Yeah you can still try no contact and he may miss you and get back with you but always remember he is still 16 years old. A relationship might not be in his top priorities right now.
Adriana
February 3, 2016 at 1:28 am
Thank you for this website! I started NC 3 days ago, had to actually tell him I needed a long break in order to implement it. I didn’t say how long, & I didn’t say absolutely no contact, even thought that’s my plan.
The thing is, I was initially trying to wait to do NC until a bit after some major scary sounding surgery he’s having the day after tomorrow (5 days into NC). So that I could be supportive in writing, at least, before and for a day or two afterwards.
Unfortunately, I just couldn’t wait to implement, I was feeling to much pain and didn’t want to see him early this week, as we had been having a mutually wonderful time physically still sleeping together and had some “dates” set up (he truly loves me, but taking me for granted, not really taking me back, and feeling irritated by me). So I simply told him I needed a break via text.
Anyway, now of course, I really want to wish him well for this surgery, it must be scary for him, and he’s the type that really appreciates compassion and supportiveness. Could I possibly break no contact, just a peep tomorrow, only a little text, before his surgery, with a well wishing?
If I don’t, I don’t feel that he will never live it down, even if we are only able to remain friends. One of his issues from our relationship this last year is that I haven’t been there for him in smaller ways. So, not well wishing during this more intense time may compound the hurt/anger that he feels of me not being there for him.
Overall he’s gonna be the angry guy, and also the stubborn guy in slight victim mode. I can already tell that he’s struggling with NC via social media (I still have to stop looking), and he has also subtly/indirectly lashed out via social media today. Also, he the last to write in that short text conversation about taking a break, as I was able to go dark. If I write to him he may not reply. Which I am truly not hoping for a reply at all. I’m just not sure how that plays into the “power struggle” dynamic, while still displaying compassion?
I hope that makes sense, thank you!
Rain
February 4, 2016 at 10:09 am
Hi Amor,
Thank you for the reply. Many have said this to me too and they were pretty shocked at why was I into him. I just didn’t know why I was. Never had I ever wanted to get back with any of my ex boyfriends as I had used to believe “there is a reason for the break up” or “they didn’t contact me so I guess it’s really over.”. But will the NC even work on him and if so, how long for it? 21 to 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 5:37 am
Well, I can’t guarantee for sure thay it will but if you said that he’s controlling, it may throw him off his game, and wonder why you’re silent, he may even throw a tantrum by being angry wih you while in nc because that’s his way of getting control back
Adriana
February 3, 2016 at 4:37 pm
Oh, thank you so much for your quick and free advice. Wow, I work as a virtual assistant for personal development teachers as well, and I know what you are up against regarding being asked for free counseling, so sorry I added to it! I couldn’t believe I was doing that! I am saving up to buy the program, probably by next week. So, much appreciated that you do this for people and especially free loaders like I’m being (I KNOW you don’t see it that way, my clients don’t either, full of compassion you guys generally are).
Okay, I understand about not engaging in conversation or sending random texts (thank you for reinforcing that too). Yeah, I have no desire to engage with him anymore actually, it’s weird, the NC is to repair my flat lining as well. I want him back, he IS a wonderful person, and the richness of our relationship potential exploded/expanded for both of us after he broke up with me, but I’m also like, DONE. After some peace & repair, quietly forcing his hand toward growth too, & probably missing each other, nostalgia, if that’s possible, it’s gonna be all or nothing from here on out. Although I am sure I’ll also have to be vigilant going forward.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 4, 2016 at 12:29 pm
I love reading your comments 🙂 Sometimes it’s sad but I love that I can help in this way. You’re welcome Adriana!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Hi Adriana,
For me you may send him a text of wishing him well but don’t reply if he asks you about something or he’s angry because I haven’t been contacting him. Just be sincere with your text for support. And that’s it you don’t have to start over with the count. But mama don’t make it a habit of sending him random text and not engage in conversation. That’s not no contact rule operates. But I agree that sending a person a supportive message when he’s about to go under surgery is a kind thing to do no contact or not.
Amy
February 2, 2016 at 2:18 am
Hi, thanks for the reply. I’m planning to reconnect with him in another two more months ( his birthday ) . Will it be too long then ? Like I say we haven’t spoke to each other for a month now and he is quite the stubborn one , once made decision he won’t change his mind , so I’m not sure if I still can get him back . Besides this is not our first break up either , however I do like him a lot .
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 12:16 pm
So, that means all in all that’s 3 months right? Some actually recommend that, but you know him more than us, so I think go ahead BUT make it worth it girl! Make it the best three months of your life
Saira
February 1, 2016 at 5:45 am
Will no contact work of I broke up because he was taking me for granted and I even mentioned it to him but he didn’t care?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2016 at 10:11 am
Hi Sara,
We can’t say that it will work 100% and it doesn’t matter who broke up but in your case, if you told him, did you tell him how long? Because if so, he’s just going to wait until your mentioned days of no contact is over and then wait for you to message him. but if not, there’s a chance that he will wonder how long you are going to stay silent. But when guy takes you for granted, that’s mostly because he knows you’re just there no matter what. It means you have to focus more on yourself, grow and not make him your world because even if you do Nc and then you’re going to go back as the clingy girlfriend, hell still take you for granted.
Maria
February 1, 2016 at 1:10 am
Hello, my story is a little bit different, but I need an advice. So I’m married but for the past year I haven’t been happy. Right after new year, I received a Facebook message from a guy who used to be my neighbor for an year. He was looking at me but never came to really talk to me, he also has a gf. So in the message he said hey I’m your ex neighbor… He got my attention and we started talking all day every day for two weeks. At the begging he told me that he’s been in love with me and would love to put a ring on my finger. I was so surprised by the whole thing cuz I’ve never thought something like this would happen to me. Anyway, at the beginning he asked me if I’d divorce and move in with him(he just moved in to Arizona with his gf) . After two weeks I started falling for him so I asked if he really would leave his gf for me? He said he didn’t know, askes me back the same question and I said I’d do that if he proves he’s serious about me. Since then he got distant and we barely talked. He made excuses that he’s so busy with work and so. Today I just brought up why he’s distant and he just said I’m done with you because of my complaints for lack of connection. I’m so sad and I don’t know what to do. Please give me advice. Thanks.
Maria
February 1, 2016 at 2:22 pm
Thank you so much for responding me, of course I don’t want to be anyone’s booty call, and I’m glad he showed his true colors at early stage of whatever we had. He’s not worth it my time, feelings, anything. Just I need some time to heal and forget about him. Have a good day , regards Maria.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:39 pm
Hi Maria,
You did the right thing. If he’s really serious with you, he should leave the other girl. Would you want to be his booty call?
Amy
February 1, 2016 at 12:04 am
Hi, my ex bf broke up with me for two months and I’ve been NC for one month . Haven’t been trying to reconnect with him because I thought we needed more time and make thing right. He hasn’t try to talk to me since the break up . He definitely the stubborn type where he think he has made up his mind so he won’t change . His reason for the break up was he lost his feelings , never really knew the real reason behind why he fall out of relationship. I’ve been dicplicine myself on the Nc rules because I want to calm my mind and think through if I really want him back my life . You know there’s a saying ” if he was meant to be , he will come back to you ”
But my question now would be to let it go for if it meant to be ? Or to be brave to tell someone you really love how you feel?