The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Giselle

March 31, 2016 at 4:13 pm

Hi,

My bf and i had been together for 5 months. He is in the military and is really busy. Recently for about 2 minths i noticed his interest in me dwindling. So i keep asking him to put in more effort into the rs (through text, because we dont talk over the phone). Often he sees it as an outburst at the time he is at his busiest and became increasingly distant from me.

Two wks ago i went to his house to look for him and he came home really tired. I asked him why he looked so moody. But before he gave me his answer i got scared because he looked so fierce. I ran off crying and he did not give chase. The next day he told me he was not meeting me because recently i kept hurting him and made him feel like he is lacking ( he always said that he is putting in effort, but i did not really feel it). Ever since then he wont reply to any messages i sent him even though he reads them.

A week ago, he sent me a text after i got his best friend to talk to him. He told me that he is going to be busier subsequently, and he will not let my overreactions and tantrums distract him from his work. Which he stated to be his priority.

I panicked and kept sending confusing emails to him. I told him i will give him time, i pressed him to communicate with me and then on the same day i initiated a breakup because it felt like he just didnt want to have anything to do with me anymore. But after a few days, i regretted it.

I realise tht even though i initiated the breakup, he did not tell his best friend. Im not sure if he told his family yet. He also did not give me a reply to my breakup text

Some background information is that, the two of us severely lacks proper communication mainly because he finds it stressful to communicate; i take too much initiative in this relationship; this is both our first rs ever; my boyfriend has low selfesteem

My question is:
1. the fact tht he does not reply at all, is it a sign that he wants me to break up with him?
2. Does he seem like he still want to be in this relationship since the aftertaste is a bad one (i keep appearing like i was overreacting in gis opinion)
3. Im trying out no contact rule, will it still work on him?

Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 11:50 am

yes it’s a sign..I think you need to read this blog post first because it relates to you..
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Pizza

March 31, 2016 at 2:07 pm

Me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago. We have been tgt for nearly 2.5 years and half of the time is LDR cause I have already backed to my own country for my work. And he is going to graduate from the uni this summer. I am 22 and he is 27.
One of the main reasons he broke up with me was because he said he had feelings toward my best friend recently who is always around him back to the UK. And my best friend claimed that she is lesbian all of the sudden. We both cheated to each other ( I kissed a guy and he naked chatted with my best friend but nth sexual ) My other friend told me that my ex still think me and him had a very strong bonding that no one can compare to but he is struggling about moving to my country and feel like we won’t have future tgt.
I am on NC day 7 now. I sent him a letter before I did the NC cause I haven’t visited this useful website yet : / The letter is about me pointing out my disappointment on him over the cheating thing and my apology of my own mistake and how I love him. He texted me during my NC mentioning that he now had lots of regret in his own statement after reading the letter and wish both of us have being mature and be best of friends. Since I am sill ignoring him, he texted my sister and asked my sis am I ok ytd and want to know if i am coping well sth like that. He even asked my sister not to tell me that he asked.
I have losing my bad temper during the NC and did ask some of my experienced friends about building up future even in LDR. They gave me some really solid advices and I am sure if i have ever had chance to be with my ex again, we can hold our hands till the end even we are both each other first gf/bf.
So all I want to know is do I still have a chance to get him back? Or he just being nice and friend zoned me already? I don’t want to be his back up plan just because my best friend is being a lesbian. What would you comment on his act during my NC?
Thank you so much for creating this website btw, it is like a silver lining in my blackest day and it gave me courage to be a better me : )

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 5:26 am

Hi
Sorry for the late reply. The truth is you have to have time, money and a plan if you’re doing ldr otherwise there’s a slim chance it would work out. Take it slow, try to rebuild after no contact, and then see from there how he is with you.

KG

March 30, 2016 at 8:35 pm

I am on day 31 of NC. My birthday was yesterday and he didn’t even reach out then. We dated for 4.5 years and our split was heartwrenching but amicable. I wanted to get engaged within the next year and he felt pressured and said he wasn’t ready so we split. We have been officially broken up for 2.5 months. The last time he contacted me was 3 weeks ago and I didn’t respond. Should I continue NC or say something?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 9:09 am

Hi Kg,

YOu can initiate contact if you want.

Jessica

March 30, 2016 at 10:29 am

ive been seeing my boyfriend for about 4 years now. we work together and have a baby together. The problem is when we get into disputes he blocks me and dumps me. He contacts all his exes and puts profile pictures of girls. Yes, ive hurt him and he retaliates by cheating on me and regretting it later. Is this behaviour normal. I want to implement the NC in future but will that straighten him out

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 7:33 am

HI Jessica,

Nope that’s not normal. Talk to him about it but you should have a standard of until when you can put up with that kind of behaviour because if it’s repetitive it means he knows you’ll take him back after he did that.

april

March 28, 2016 at 8:10 am

Hi. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and split up from my boyfriend. I was mean to him a week ago and have been very hormonal. Since he left a week ago he ignored me but would answer some of my text. He has no children so this will be his first. I miss him terribly. I tried the no contact and a day ago he text me and asked me if i was ok. I said yes. Today he sent me a text and said my pic i posted on FB was pretty. I later this evening text him and said i miss him, I got no response. I am so confused. I was in a bad spot when we broke up due to not having a job and being depressed about it. I took it out on him and it backfired on me. I found a job and feel much better but i want him back so bad. I dont want to go through this pregnancy alone. I want to make it work and have a family. I am terrified i have lost him. I dont feel like the no contact will work but what choice do i have. I currently blocked him on FB because i kept stalking his page and it was consuming me. I just want to know what to do to get my man back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:26 am

Hi April,

how are things now?

Marissa

March 28, 2016 at 2:31 am

My ex-boyfriend and I of 4 months had a nasty terrible fight after breaking up. I have to admit we were both saying horrible things to each other. About a week later I tried to contact him and he told me to never speak to him again. I feel bad because I wish it could have at least ended different. But to be honest I really did not want it to end at all. What should I do? Should I just leave him alone. I really hope he does not move on!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:15 am

Hi Marissa,

are you doing no contact now?

SeaJay

March 27, 2016 at 8:45 pm

Hi, My boyfriend of 4 years recently broke up with me and we haven’t done the nc thing. the break up was so out of the blue, we never argued or anything throughout the whole relationship. he told me he didn’t want to hurt me. the thing is i have so many questions i need answering because it was so sudden and out of the blue. he told me he loves me so much but he’s not in love with me. that hurt even more that it was the first time he ever told me he loved me. i had tld him before and he showed me he loved me. i know it is hard for him to admit his feelings because of his past. his mum left him with his dad when he was younger and from what i have heard from a mutual friend his ex (not me) really messed with his head. The problem with the nc rule for us is that we work together and i have to see him on a daily basis. Is it too late to start a nc rule? would it even work when i have to talk to him and interact with him at work? if his commitment issues run so deep would i ever be able to get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:59 am

Hi Seajay,

That’s the thing about relatioships, if you want it to be healthy, you have to be willing to let it go if it really doesn’t work out, otherwise you would be chasing. You can try limited no contact. YOu only talk when necessary and when he initiates a small talk just reply politely direct and excuse yourself if you can.

Em

March 25, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hi…
This is hard. I met a guy online. We met up and had a brilliant first date so continued seeing each other for 7 weeks. Everything seemed great. We had alot in common and was happy. Well so I thought. He broke up with me out of the blue. I didn’t expect it at all. We were so happy together. But it has been a week now with NC and I have done some reflecting on myself. I know I got a little needy, hate to admit it because I am really an independent woman. I miss him everyday. I just want to know if I stand a chance of getting him back at all with the relationship being so short? Again, no contact has been for a week now and he has not contacted me at all. His reason for breaking up was he doesn’t see a future with us and doesn’t know what he wants now. He did the it’s not you it’s me thing. Do I stand a chance or am I wasting my time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 1:15 pm

HI Em,

It would really be hard because first you’re long distance, second you hardly had enough bond. YOu can try to continue no contact to have balance and a kind of reset for the both of you.

Jay

March 23, 2016 at 8:02 pm

Hey, I’m a guy in a similar situation.

My Girlfriend and I were amazing, and we were both pretty crazy about each other. We would talk everyday, and hang out once a week. Than one day she got pretty stressed with school and work and she started acting different. When I spoke to her she was very non responsive and it freaked me out, but I tried to keep my cool. Then she calls me one day and tells me that although I am an amazing guy, and the best boyfriend she could ever ask for, that she felt like she was bringing me down because she was stressed and that she thought it would be best if we parted ways. I just tried to be there for her while she spoke, told her that if that’s what she wanted, I’d give her space, and we left it at that. I sent her a message before going to bed that day just saying that I really care for her, and that I wish I could help her and I’m here if she needs anything, but all in the most polite of ways.

I have yet to hear a response, and I didn’t expect one from her at the time. What should I do in this situation? I know that me and her could have a great relationship, so I just need some helpful advice on what I should do? (I’m assuming she must be trying out this 30 days NC thing)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 2:00 pm

Hi Jay,

That was a good response. If she is doing the nc thing, she would be active in social media and in a way that’s good because if she’s doing it, that means she want you back.

Jaime

March 23, 2016 at 2:39 pm

My ex and i broke up two weeks ago and i am currently doing no contact….unfortunately the break up came at a time when we were in the middle of a process and therefore we have to talk at times…i always keep the conversation short and only related to the process….i was thinking he was being stubborn throughout but after meeting with a friend, they informed that my ex thinks i am handling the breakup and we are fine, that i am not interested in getting back together….this caused me to realise he is clueless to the no contact…please advise me regarding this situation as i still want us to get back together

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 12:28 pm

Hi Jaime,

In a way that’s good, because once you start to initiate contact he won’t directly think you’re doing it to get back together. That way you can rebuild rapport and attraction.

Roxanne

March 22, 2016 at 8:40 pm

My situation is complex, I will try to explain. I am a young 59, he is 49. He had a rocky marriage, they were breaking up for ten years before they married. Over the years of their marriage, they fought and broke up several times. I met him last year after he was separated from her for six years. Although they were friendly, they did not live under the same roof. I was his first serious girlfriend since his separation, so naturally it ruined their friendship. We moved in together soon after meeting which made his ex very unhappy. Four months into our relationship, he asked her for a divorce. When he brought her the papers, she refused to sign. She soon got into a brief relationship, which might have bothered him, not sure, he didn’t say. Anyway, this past January she was still pissed that he was with me and started calling and screaming that SHE wanted a divorce…he said “fine”. Well, when they finally both decided to get the divorce going, I think they got sentimental about it, and last week he left me to give her one more try to save their marriage. I know she begged him to try to work it out, even though they broke up almost 7 years ago. I am crushed. He always told me how much better our relationship was than any time during his marriage. I can’t imagine why he would go back to such a dysfunctional situation. I can’t imagine it working out, especially because he lived with me for so long…and we were happy. He told me last month he needed time to think, guess to choose her or me and he chose her. Maybe trying to salvage the family life again with his kids and grandkids. I miss him terribly, but after he gave me this information in a text, I never responded. I refuse to reach out to him so I am in NC. I figure if he can walk away from me, let him walk. Truth be told….I want him back and I think when he realizes his marriage is dead he will return to me. But…if he does, it is not going to be easy, and most of all….he better come back a divorced man. Tell me, why would a person return to such a disasterous, dysfunctional marriage. They didn’t have sex for eight years before their final breakup….and our sex life was great. I am hurt and confused…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:22 pm

Hi Roxanne,

I agree with what you said, maybe he got sentimental about it and remembered their good times because a divorce finalizes their separation.

Rae

March 22, 2016 at 6:59 pm

Hello. I had been talking to a guy for six months long distance. I had flown to see him once, and he promised to fly down the next month. Due to his work schedule, he never did come as he said he would. Although I had threatened to be done in the past, I always ended up coming back around. This time I have completely cut off contact. He hasn’t tried to get in touch with him. Is the no contact rule the best thing to do in this scenario. I’m not sure why he talked to me daily if he wasn’t willing to fight for me or be committed to me. This seems to be the best option.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 10:45 am

HI Rae,

It seems like it’s the only options you have, so yes do no contact.

E

March 22, 2016 at 7:03 am

My bf broke up with me almost using the its not you its me excuse. We do have some issues, and we fight a lot in the past 3-4 months (gradually). I think all the issues are caused by his current situation, he did change a lot, to a worse scenario. He said he sill loves me and cares a lot about me, still texts me, and the last week while i moved out from his place, he kisses me, hugs me tells me how much he loves me all the time. I trust him and I am pretty sure he does have issues with his live, work and he has to make important decisions. He said even we broke up it doesnt mean that the past two years are not real, he will still contact me and if i cut the contact he will stalk on me. For me this is not clear at all, and it annoys me, it stops me for moving on and it gives me hopes of getting back together, sometimes i feel like it is a “see tou later” and sometimes i feel it is a “good bye”. We were in a on and off long distance, mode for the last 8months and i am moving to where he lives now, however is very likely that he will move to somewhere else in 6months.
Should i still do the no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:40 am

HI E,

It looks like he’s being possessive and doesn’t want you to move on but he wants to be able to do what he wants… It’s not healthy. For me you should move on from him

Nadine

March 21, 2016 at 9:47 pm

i known my ex for 10years and we , after 5 years ago me having ending the start of us dating, rekindled this past summer. Now he ended things early february. And since early march we ve been tryin to get together but skeds didnt match and when i didnt show up last tuesday as he called me wasted, orderin me to be at his house and really i had an appointment, when i got back i let him know and sent a sweet text, no answer. Thursday i jst asked if hes ok, no answer. So i plan ignorin him for 3weeks. Good?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 11:59 am

Hi Nadine,

Is he really bossy or was ge just angry? if he’s really bossy, it’s beyter not to go back with him..if not, then yes, three weeks of nc will do before you start trying again

Susan

March 20, 2016 at 8:01 pm

I dated a guy for about 3 months. I felt a strong connection to him and I think he did to me. He put a lot of restrictions on the relationship tho putting himself first to watch sports or going to the gym on non sports nights such that it was difficult to find time to spend together. We talked about it and he was willing to make more of an effort to meet my needs. Then one night we were drinking I asked him why he didn’t consider marrying his ex girlfriend and he replied he will never ever get married again and will never live with anyone again. I told him if living together at some point in the future isn’t on the table then that was a deal breaker for me. We didn’t argue it was an amicable discussion. He said he had never wanted to lose me from his life and asked if we would talk again. I told him not unless he changed his mind. I explained I want a long term relationship and while I was willing to compromise on things like his commitment to sports I need him to compromise so I can have the things I want which includes the possibility of living together at some point in the future. I stressed this was not an immediate need nor was I sure we would even get there but it needs to be on the table. I told him if he can’t do that I am going to go elsewhere to find it and by staying in contact with him it would be hard for me to give someone else a chance. I told him it was best for us not to talk unless he changes his mind. I know it’s possible he may never call and I already have met someone that is taking me out. However it’s only been a week since I tild him I had to break up with him and I still miss him and I hope he will come around. I have not had any contact with him in a week. I guess my question is if I continue with no contact do u think I will hear from him? Obviously, I would like to hear from him! He did say in our last conversation he might wake up and realize he made a big mistake so I joked that he should hurry up and wake up. If I do hear from him should I respond or ignore?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 5:10 am

Hi Susan,

if he isn’t making it clear that he has changed his mind, don’t respond because that means he’s just trying to see if you would respond and just get back together because you missed him

Linda

March 20, 2016 at 9:37 am

Hey there. My ex recently broke up with me and it has been about two months now. We were doing long distance and were together for a year. Our relationship was amazing for the first half of it and towards the end, the distance got the best of me. Anyway, I’m in my first week of no contact and he called and texted me last night which I ignored and a few hours later, he sent me another text saying “ok I get it now. I wish you all the best. Goodbye”. All these happened in the span of a few hours! Wow! I initially agreed to stay friends until I came across the whole nc concept. This is the first time ever I’m ignoring him for this long as I’ve always been there for him (maybe too available) even during our relationship. No contact has been tolerable until his last message and to make things worse, his birthday is coming up next week. What do I do? Is he trying to provoke a response out of me? I’m afraid that by completing my 30 days of nc, he will hate me or completely moved on by then. I hope you can reply me soon. Thank you!

Linda

March 20, 2016 at 12:00 pm

Hey Linda. We didn’t have a bad break up. After having a good talk, we both felt peace about it. And each time he called, we both had a good talk and there was no negative vibes. I’m afraid of being friend zoned if we continue this on and I’m afraid the nc will push him further away from me for good. I want to be in his life as a girlfriend and not just a friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 4:23 am

oh okay that’s good but if you don’t want to be friendOned..you reallh have to have a time apart to have a chance for him to miss you.. because even if you stay in contact and he treats you like a friend only, that means he also moved on. You can tell him you need time for yourself because being friends is for now is not working for you
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 20, 2016 at 10:33 am

Hi Linda,

It depends on how your last talk went and what his attitude is.. was it a bad break up?

Sarah

March 19, 2016 at 12:30 am

I dated this guy for two months and everything was good, then he started acting distant and said it was because he didn’t think I was as interested as him. A month ago he stopped contacting me and yesterday he contacted me saying how are you, I was busy so I couldn’t reply until 3 hours later. When I replied I asked him how he was but he just said good, then I asked him what have I done to him since he stopped talking to me he said nothing and asked the same question to which I replied nothing and I though we were just to stubborn to talk to each other. After that he didn’t say anything else. Now, Idk if he contacted me because he misses me or to see if I would reply to his text. He didn’t come tinge the conversation, Idk If he got mad because I took a long time to reply and took that as being disinterested from my part. At this point Idk if I should contact him again or what to say or should I just wait from him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 5:05 pm

Hi Sarah,

let’s wait first if he woul try again, if after three days he doesn’t, you can try to initiate

Kim

March 18, 2016 at 10:23 pm

I am trying to implement NC; it’s been about a week, but this week I got an email from my former bf asking if he can take me out for my bday, which is next week. He said to take a week to think about it and let him know if I would accept his offer. I did not respond to his email and I’m thinking about not responding at all. He shouldn’t get the benefit of taking me out for my bday when he broke up with me and wants to “be friends”. I never agreed to being friends and think it makes no sense. Please comment or advise. Thanks!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 4:42 pm

Hi Kim,

if it’s a friendly date you’re right..but if he insists that he wants to work it out again…then yes go out…

Sarah Michelle

March 18, 2016 at 4:33 pm

I date this guy for two months the and everything was great. Until he started to beco.es distant and he told me is because he felt I wasn’t as interested as he was. Then I tried to showed him I cared and he backed off. The last time I spoke to him was a month ago but yesterday he sent me a message saying How are you, I replied three hours later saying I was good and how he was and he just replied saying he was good. I asked him what I did to him because he stopped talking to me he said nothing then he asked me what he did to me and I said nothing, that perhaps we were both to proud to talk to each other. After that he didn’t say anything else, idk if I should say something else, or just leave it like that. Idk if he reached out because he misses me or just to see I would still reply. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hi Sarah,

We don’t know but right now it seems reaching out will just imply more that you’re not over him

Tracy

March 18, 2016 at 1:17 pm

Hi there
Me and my boyfriend of 1year & 10 months broke up 4 days ago. I once stalked him on FB when I suspected he was cheating, he was cheating but he broke up with the girl and we continued but he was angry about the stalking to a point where he blocked me on FB. Recently he found out I was stalking him on facebook, well I saw something on his facebook & confronted him about and then lied about how I found out. He could see I was lying and asked me to tell him the truth and promised he wont be angry. I finally admitted that I used my friend’s FB to go through his wall and he got angry. He said he doesn’t think I’m the person he needs in his life and called me jealous and evil. Also said that he no longer loves me because I stalk him and this will never work. I tried to apologise and begged him to stay and said I was scared of losing him and was jealous and therefore stalked him to see if he was doing anything behind my back. He told me to leave him alone as I continued sending him messages trying to sort the issue. He also said that I am obsessed about him and don’t love him, he believes that’s why I stalk him. I was quiet for about 2days and my laptop’s screen got damaged so I sent him a whatsapp text asking him to give me the number of some guy who had fixed his laptop previously, HE WAS SO MEAN. He told me to please stop bothering him and that my problems are not his so I should leave him alone and don’t ever text him again and he blocked me on whatsapp. I would like to know, is there hope for me to get him back? Could the no contact rule be effective in my situation? I love him with all my heart and he knows it, I also told him when he initiated the breakup. I really wish to get him back but scared the NCR might not work as he has even blocked me and wonder if he meant it when he said he fell out of love with me due to my constant stalking. And he is very stubborn. Could the NCR possibly work for me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 2:52 pm

Hi Tracy,

to be honest, if you initiate contact I think he will see that as chasing because he knows you’re obsessed with him. So any initial move from you will show that.. I think the only chance is that if you move on and improve yourself.. I know it sounds silly because if you move on then of course that means you won’t want him back, but if the question is only about him wanting you back, I think that has the higher probability of making him want you back…

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”